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“Hey, dad?” Chris said cautiously.
“Yeah buddy?” Eddie responded, looking over at him. He was still surprised that Chris came over to his place and actually wanted to talk to him without his parents hovering and interfering every two seconds.
“Why are you really here?” Chris asked, watching his dad sit on the end of the sofa. “I know we haven’t really talked much.”
“Your grandparents don’t want us to.” Eddie said carefully. “They don’t know what happened, because they won’t talk to me about it. And something tells me they aren’t letting you talk about it.”
“So you’re here because you didn’t think we were able to talk?” Chris scrunched his face up in confusion.
“Were we?” Eddie asked, leaning forward. “Our calls were always made where they could control the environment and the service was crappy.”
“Did- do you want to talk about it?” Chris asked.
“I do if you want to listen?” Eddie answered. Chris nodded at him. “I met Kim a while back. I was shopping and she was just … suddenly there. I should have stayed away, I know I should have, but it felt like it was a second chance. Which I told Buck. When he found out about her, that I’d been talking to her, he told me I needed to stop.”
“So he knew?” Chris asked quietly.
“Not really. I told him I would stop seeing her. We weren’t dating, I wasn’t dating her the same as I was Marisol. I just liked spending time with her. So after Buck talked to me, I told her why I was spending so much time with her. I showed her pictures of your mom. She was upset, and I thought that was the end of it. I don’t really remember after she came to the house, dressed like your mom. We didn’t do anything, I swear we didn’t. But I just … I couldn’t help myself from telling her everything that I wished I’d gotten to tell your mom before she died. And then you were there, and I was still so out of it that I couldn’t think about anything. I called Buck, and he came and made sure you were ok before we had to go be at the hospital after nearly losing Bobby. We never had a chance to talk because you called your grandparents and they came right out without saying a word to me about it. I had no idea they were coming until they were on the doorstep.”
“They- no.” Chris shook his head. “No, they said they called.”
“They didn’t.” Eddie shook his head. “I have no missed calls from anyone during that time. I’m not saying they lied to you, because I don’t know why they would tell you that other than wanting to keep you calm and comfortable. You were the important thing for them.”
“But you weren’t.” Chris said, giving his dad a sad look. “You’re their kid and they were more worried about me. They barely really looked at you. I kinda remember that. But you were only worried about me.”
“I’m always worried about you.” Eddie said gently. “I’m your dad, and you're my kid. So I’m gonna worry about you.”
“But abuelo doesn’t worry about you.” Chris argued.
“Your abuelo and I also used to fight a lot.” Eddie pointed out. “Maybe you were too little to remember that now, but we fought all the time when I got done in the Army. Just like your mom and I fought all the time. I kept doing things, thinking I was doing the right thing, only trying to make someone else happy or proud. But it was never going to be enough for them. Something I’ve been trying to accept in my therapy.”
“You don’t really smile anymore.” Chris said quietly. “Since you’ve been here, I mean.”
“I’m not here for me.” Eddie shook his head. “Nothing about me moving here has been about me. It was about you. So I don’t really smile much being here because I don’t have any good memories from this place. All my happy memories are 800 miles away. All except the most important one. You. So I can be a little unhappy for a little while, in a place that makes me unhappy, as long as it means I get to see you and we get to talk and try to fix what I messed up.”
“I don’t want you to be unhappy.” Chris sighed.
“I know, buddy. But you don’t want to come home, either.” Eddie said sadly. “So we’re kinda at an impasse.”
“I don’t wanna be angry anymore.” Chris admitted. “It’s really exhausting. And so is pretending I’m ok just to make abuelos happy.”
“So don’t.” Eddie shrugged, making Chris look at him curiously. “Don’t worry about what makes them happy. It won’t make you happy. I’m 34 and I just figured it out when I was alone in LA. Because all they cared about was taking you away from me, not how I was actually feeling or processing anything since your mom died. You’re only 14, bud. It’s plenty of time for you to stop doing what they want you to do and start doing what you want. I never knew you liked chess so much.”
“I don’t.” Chris groaned. “I hate it. Yeah, I’m good at it, but I really don’t like it. Abuelo likes it, and it seems to make him happy that I do it.”
“Kinda like when I danced.” Eddie said with a smile at Chris’ surprised look. “I used to do ballroom dancing competitively. I had a lot of fun and I was really good when I started. But after a little while, after the first trophy, it became a thing for them. If I was going to keep doing it, I was going to compete. I was going to train and win trophies.”
“And it stopped being fun.” Chris nodded.
“It became all work and no fun at all.” Eddie agreed. “So I quit.”
“Were they mad?”
“They were mad, yes.” Eddie nodded. “But I met your mom after that. And we got to be pretty good friends. Which they also didn’t like, even if we were just friends at first.”
“Is there anything they DO like?” Chris huffed.
“I haven’t figured that out yet.” Eddie chuckled.
“Hey dad?”
“Yeah Chris?”
“You just …” Chris huffed and pursed his lips for a minute, “you always smile like you’re about to cry. When you do smile, I mean. Like … like you’re trying to remember how to do it. Trying to remember how to be happy.”
“Sorry.” Eddie said quietly, clearing his throat. “I’m sorry you see that, buddy.”
“Why?” Chris pushed. “When we were in LA, you were always smiling. You were happy and laughing and smiling all the time. And … and it was always because of Buck.”
“Yeah.” Eddie agreed, still quietly. “He’s my best friend.”
“You love him, dad.” Chris said softly.
“What do you mean?” Eddie frowned.
“You smile when he laughs or makes a stupid joke. You smile when he starts talking faster than we can keep up with. When he’s so excited to share information and cook for us, you always smile. He makes you happy. I know I don’t really know anything about dating or love, but I know you didn’t love Ms. Flores when you dated her. And I know you didn’t love Marisol. You liked them, sure, but they didn’t make you happy like-”
“Like Buck does?” Eddie asked.
“Yeah.” Chris nodded. “But … you don’t want that, do you? Because … because he’s a guy?”
“I can’t-” Eddie shook his head and swallowed thickly, “I can’t.”
“Why can’t you?” Chris asked. “Buck likes guys, too, and he loves our family. If he can do it, why can’t you?”
“I can’t, Chris.” Eddie shook his head again and stood up, shaking his hands out. Like they were itchy or something. “It was- it was never something that was ok for me. You’ve been living here for months, you already know it’s not ok here. That it’s not accepted.”
“I know it’s wrong how they talk about it.” Chris said firmly. “And if you talk to abuelos they’ll tell you I’ve been in the principal’s office a few times for defending same-sex relationships. They kept trying to push the bible at me, so I pushed back.”
“Oh my god.” Eddie snorted, trying not to laugh. “You were Buck.”
“He’s been my bonus dad for almost seven years.” Chris shrugged. “They would quote something and I would quote something right back. It’s a book. Same as any other book Buck and I read together since I was little. I’ve spent years in schools in LA and around all kinds of different types of people and relationships. They don’t get to use their book to try to tell me what’s right and what isn’t. I’m 14 and I know that. You gave me the chance to explore things more. But you never gave yourself the same chance.”
“I couldn’t.” Eddie shook his head again.
“Dad.” Chris called, but Eddie didn’t look at him. Chris huffed and stood up, moving in front of him. “Dad. We’re not staying here forever. It’s too small minded. I’ll light the town on fire or something if I have to stay much longer.” Eddie snorted and laughed lightly. “I was just waiting for you. I thought … when you never showed up or called for a little while I figured you decided you didn’t want me anymore.”
“No. No no no no no no. Never that, Christopher. Never. You are my kid, ok?” Eddie knelt down. “I was so miserable without you- Buck came over every day, making sure I got up, that I ate, that I made it to work.”
“That can’t have been good with the boyfriend.” Chris grumbled.
“They broke up.” Eddie said quietly.
“Broke up.” Chris said flatly.
“Yeah.”
“They broke up, and instead of visiting, you moved down here and left him alone.” Chris clarified.
“Buck has a life there.” Eddie sighed. “His sister, the 118, everything important to him, aside from us, is in LA.”
“They can’t get through to him like we can.” Chris argued. “He’s going to close off and self-destruct because we aren’t there to let him know he has a family.”
“He has his sister.” Eddie argued.
“Right. The same sister who kept a secret from him for 29 years and continuously forces him to talk to people who hate him, just because they’re his parents. Almost like I’m doing to you.” Chris scoffed. “Call him.”
“Right now?” Eddie asked in confusion.
“No, in a week.” Chris said sarcastically.
“Ok, calm down.” Eddie laughed, pulling his phone out and facetiming Buck.
“Uh, hey, Eddie, I don’t really have time to talk-”
“Make time.” Chris huffed, Eddie turning the camera so Buck could see both of them and they could see Buck, too. He was in his gear next to one of the engines, obviously at a call. “We need to talk. As a family. The three of us.”
“Christopher.” Buck smiled brightly at him. “God, it’s good to see you, kiddo. I miss you so much.”
“I miss you too.” Chris said, unable to help smiling back. “So get done with this call, put in for time off, and come see me. I can’t believe you let dad buy a house and just move.”
“Uh, you’re dad’s a grown man, bud.” Buck said anxiously. “I wasn’t gonna stop him from getting to you. You guys needed to talk, you needed to have a conversation and work to mend your relationship. Just the two of you. As a family.”
“You’re our family too!” Chris said irritatedly. “You’re part of our family and we got you caught in our mess. So finish your call, put in for time off and come down here so we can get dad out of this money-pit he ended up in. And then we can move us all back to LA. I can finish the semester online or something.”
“You … you guys really want me there?” Buck asked quietly, almost like he didn’t believe it.
“Yes.” Eddie and Chris exclaimed together.
“Just pack a bag and get your ass down here, man.” Eddie said firmly. “A week, maybe two, tops, and between us we can have this place sold for more than I bought it for.”
“Alright.” Buck nodded, smiling at them. “Alright, I’ll tell Bobby and head that way after I get off. Or in a few days. Try not to make any more spur of the moment life-changing purchases before I get there, ok?”
“Ok.” Chris nodded. “See you in a few days, Buck! Love you.”
“Love you guys, too.” Buck said, smiling, but he was looking at Eddie who was smiling back.
“Love you, Buck.” Eddie added quietly. “See you soon.”
“See you soon.” Buck nodded, ending the call.
“You really wanna go back?” Eddie asked, watching Chris curiously.
“I don’t have to pretend to be ok with you and Buck.” Chris nodded. “I can be a mess and you guys can be a mess and we’ll be messes together until we can figure our shit out.”
“Yeah. That sounds ok with me.” Eddie smiled. “Why don’t we go over ideas of what we might need to fix before Buck gets here?”
“I still can’t believe you just bought a whole house without even trying to visit or talk to me first.” Chris sighed heavily.
“I tried, but not hard enough apparently.” Eddie sighed. “Let’s get a plan written down and talked out so when your grandparents inevitably show up to try and take you back, we already have things figured out.”
“Do you have money for pizza?” Chris asked cautiously.
“Yeah, Buck sent me some money, telling me I needed to eat something that wasn’t from a gas station.” Eddie chuckled. “He doesn’t trust me to eat very well without him.”
“I don’t blame him.” Chris shook his head, sitting back on the couch. Eddie snorted and picked up a notepad so they could make their plan.
They started with the plan to get Chris moved in with Eddie. Then they went through the different areas of the house, walking around and talking about what they needed to fix. By the time they were nearly done with their pizza, Helena and Ramon had shown up in a flurry. They pushed and talked over Chris every time he tried to say something until he shouted that he was going to call the cops and tell them his grandparents were kidnapping him. That shut them up pretty quickly. Long enough that Eddie could tell them the plan for them to let Chris stay one last night with his grandparents before Eddie would be by in the morning to pick up all of his things. They spent a few days with Eddie getting Chris to and from school before it was the weekend and Buck was stepping out of a rental car while they were working on the porch banister.
Buck smiled bashfully at them, but Eddie moved like he didn’t have control of his body, wrapping Buck in his arms tightly, Buck holding on as much as Eddie. Chris rolled his eyes when his dad backed up and kissed Buck right on the mouth. Buck, for his part, dropped his bag and held onto Eddie’s arms like he was going to swoon or something. Chris let them stand there for a minute, hoping they would stop and remember he was there. Except one minute got closer to two, before Chris was reaching over and picking up his water gun, squirting both of them.
“Sorry.” Eddie said, looking at Buck bashfully, but cupping his face again. “I guess I missed you more than … more than I realized.”
“It’s ok.” Buck chuckled, his face red from the heat and embarrassment. “Fine, really. Great. Perfect, really perfect, actually. Uh. Let- let’s get to work on this death trap and maybe you can do that again when the teenager isn’t armed?”
“Won’t be until I’m in bed!” Chris yelled at them. “Now stop making goo-goo eyes and come hug me!”
“You heard him.” Eddie snickered, picking up Buck’s bag and giving him a shove forward. Buck laughed before he ran up on the porch and picked Chris up in one of his all-encompassing bear hugs. Chris laughed and hugged him back with all he had. He’d really missed Buck and needed him to know that. Because the more time Chris spent with his dad, the more he realized he hadn’t just left his dad, he’d also left Buck. Buck had promised never to leave him, but Chris had never thought to promise the same in return. Buck may not see that Chris or Eddie had anything to make up for, but they did.
Chris met his dad’s eyes and they made a sort of silent promise that they wouldn’t leave Buck like that again.