Chapter Text
Batman runs through the streets of Gotham with nothing but the gargoyles to keep him company, in the past one of his children would be joining him during patrol, but since Damian’s death, Bruce can’t look his kids in the eyes, he failed them once more. Damian, his youngest, who suffered so much in his short life but still was so bright, died before turning 12, younger than Bruce was when he experienced loss for the first time. Since then he lost his family multiple times, it never gets easier.
His baby was dead.
Gotham is still the same, ungrateful, demanding and miserable, so he can’t stop, Batman has a duty he can’t avoid. He goes to patrol as always, fights the same people as always, acting like nothing has changed even though his entire world has fallen apart, as he struggles to breathe and the toxic air of this cursed city fills his lungs, he fights the never ending battle against crime alone. He can’t escape the horrors of his fate, cursed to lose his family one after the other endless times. The best he can do is distance himself from the ones who are still alive, hoping this is enough to appease the destiny, they are better off without him.
Dick… His oldest, who took care of Damian while he couldn't, blamed Bruce for not being strong enough to protect him, and he was right. It was Batman’s fault that the boy was not going to be able to finish the painting that still was in his studio waiting for the day the artist was going to come back and finish that family portrait, Damian wanted to give it to Dick on his birthday when it was done, now it will remain unfinished, a reflection of its creator who will never grow, forever stuck in time.
Jason, his precious miracle who died and came back to life, could never forgive Batman for letting yet another Robin die in uniform in the same way as him. Bruce knows he will never be lucky enough for the same miracle that brought his second son back to life bring his youngest too, a lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place.
Tim disagrees with this sentiment and believes Batman is not doing enough to fight the chains of death to bring Damian back to life. And in the back of his mind, Batman agrees that must have something he can do to fix this, but he doesn't know, even the world's greatest detective can’t find a solution to death itself, and this feeling is paralyzing.
Cass once told him that Bruce hurts her when he sends her away, but what should he do when being close to him would cause them even more harm? He destroys anything he touches, anyone who is close to him dies, and everyone is safer keeping distance from him. His mother and father, Jason, Damian, this without mentioning all the deaths that didn't last for long, every bruise, every scar caused by being close to him.
Alfred must be so disappointed in him, Bruce is a failure who can’t protect his own family, the least he can do is try to protect the civilians of Gotham. So that's what Batman does, running through Gotham’s streets looking for situations he can intervene in, people he can help, trying to not let anyone suffer the same fate as him.
He finally lands on a rooftop after reaching who he was chasing.
“Bruce Wayne, didn't know how else to get your attention.”
Catwoman stops running, and starts to walk in Batman’s direction.
“You know my number, Selina, there was no need to commit a robbery just for a conversation.”
Earlier that night, Catwoman had visited a museum and stolen an egyptian cat sculpture from an exhibit, Batman was following her since then.
“Would you have answered?”
“Hm” Batman remained silent, they both knew he wouldn’t have. Selina takes a look at him and says;
“You look terrible, how long has it been since you slept?” She comes closer and places a hand on his face. “You can’t keep doing it, Bruce, you’re killing yourself.”
“...”
“There are people who need you, you kids need you.”
He takes a step back, moving away from Selina, and finally answers her;
“They’re better without me.”
“I need you. This is not what Damian would have wanted. Let me help you”
“I don’t need your help” He growls.
Bruce looks into Selina’s eyes, and he can see the hurt he caused, that’s why he shouldn’t be closer to any of them, he just makes everything worse.
“MY SON IS DEAD!” He screams. “I need my son, but my son is dead, there is nothing you can do to help me”
“You can’t keep pushing away everyone who cares about you, Bruce!”
Selina snaps, she is getting frustrated there is no way to help someone who doesn't want help. Batman just stands in silence, and she stares at him, until realizing he will not give up so Catwoman turns away, but before she could go, he says;
“The statue, you can’t keep it.”
Catwoman gets angry hearing these words, and takes a small cat sculpture out of her utility belt, and throws it in Batman’s direction, before turning her back and jumping to the next building.
He is able to catch the object before it falls in the ground. It was small enough to fit in one hand, a golden cat with colorful engravings. Batman should return it to the museum but as soon as he took his eyes off the statue, he could see the sunrise, so he decided to go back to the batcave.
The inside of the cave felt colder than ever, with no life to be seen, what once was the home and base operation of many vigilantes was now empty, full only of trophies that celebrated better times, memories that will not come back. Batman mourned the past while walked in the silent cavern.
“Moooo”
Batman looks in the direction of the sound to see Batcow, the animal looks at him and he feels like she is staring at his soul asking why he didn’t bring the boy back to her. He remembers how much Damian loved this cow, how he always made sure that Batcow and his amalgamation of pets were cared for. While taken by the grief, he stands his hand to pet the animal who accepts with no hesitation, the full undeserved trust the animal demonstrates breaks something on him, and soon Batman can feel the tears streaming down his cowl.
His son was dead.
He wishes there was something he could do to fix it.
Then Batman notices something weird in his utility belt, he opens it to see the cat statue glowing. He takes the statue in his hands, and realizes that the engravings were glowing hieroglyphics. Using the batcomputer he is able to decipher it and translates into:
From Atum-Ra, the Sun God, stern and old,
Eight primal deities did first unfold.
Then, changing form, a feline soft and sly,
He blessed the cats beneath a watchful sky.
Nine lives bequeathed, a mystic, potent grace,
To every beast of that most ancient race.
So whoever grasps this shadowed token's might,
Shall gain nine chances, grim as endless night,
To mend their errors, or confront their fate,
Here the last judgment seals their final state.
It seems like the statue was a representation of the Ancient Egyptian creator god, Atum-Ra, who gave birth to eight other gods and later turned into a cat; it is suggested that this is the origin of the saying “cats have nine lifes”. Closely examining the sculpture Batman notices that in the bottom of the base there is a calendar, it looks like when rotated it is possible to choose a day, month and year.
“A time machine…” Batman murmurs.
He knows what he will use this time machine for, he will fix his biggest mistakes, that lead to the misery of his family, making sure he never ruins any of his family lives. And the better way to guarantee it, is by not being involved in their lives at all.
After all they would be better without him.
He sets the day, February six 12 years ago, to the night it all began.
The circus lights were almost blinding and the music was loud. In the past, the first time he lived that day Bruce was in the middle of that crowd, blissfully ignorant of the tragedy that’s about to happen. Now Batman is hidden, carefully observing everything around him. From a trailer’s window he is able to see, Mary Grayson, getting read to the spectacle, brushing her hair while John Grayson seemed to be rushing her so they’re are in time for their performance, right next to them, there was a kid doing a handstand, a Dick Grayson he never met, who never had to witness the evils of this world, and Batman would make sure this didn’t change that night.
As the show starts, the artists get ready for their entrance and so does Batman, waiting for their time to act. Soon, the ringmaster appears and announces the first act the strongman Mr. Hercules, followed by a fortune teller, while the show happened Batman saw the circus’s owner in the audience and now knowing what he does he can see how Mister Haley seems anxious, certainly Zucco already threatened him. After a few presentations it was finally time for the stars of the night, The Flying Graysons captives the audience while dancing in the air, doing almost impossible stunts, until mid jump their rope breaks, and the Graysons starts falling, but Batman was ready for this moment, jumping with his grappling hook, his equipment is less modern than he is used to, and his body younger, for a moment he surprises himself for not feeling his spine hurt while he moves, but this doesn't stop him and he is able to catch the couple before they fall to death.
Dick will not become an orphan tonight.
He takes the acrobats to the ground, where their son quickly runs to hug them, and they are fast to reciprocate the gesture. He feels his heart ache seeing the scene, Dick Grayson will grow up with his parents this time, he will stay with his family as he should, the only time he will ever hear the name Robin is from his mom’s lips calling her son an affectionate nickname. He will be happier this time.
Bruce holds back the jealousy he is feeling, he doesn't know if it is jealousy of Dick for his parents being alive or the Graysons for being able to have Dick as their son. But Batman’s job is not done, he still needs to make sure Zucco and his accomplices pay for their crimes in jail. So he leaves the circus ignoring the words of gratitude that the boy and his parents say and goes to look for the criminals. It doesn't take long until he finds them, it takes even less until they’re ready to be arrested by the police, it is much easier to fight crimes you already fought once.
After this night is over Batman goes back to Wayne Manor feeling an emptiness in his chest. Alfred seems to realize that something has happened but he doesn't say anything. The days passed fast and it seemed that he had made the right thing. It was weird to be living in the past, living in a constant state of deja vu. He spent most of his free time training, his body was younger, less marked and wounded by injuries, but also lacked over a decade of the muscle memory gained by his experience over the years.
It all seemed to be going well, he did the right thing, or that’s what he thought until saw the newspaper a few weeks later:
Flying Graysons fall to their deaths
their now orphaned son is missing
He couldn’t believe what he was reading, the circus had already left Gotham after the fiasco that night, the culprits had already been arrested, this was not an accident, someone else wanted the Graysons dead, and Dick was kidnapped? Where is he now? Who took him? And why? All these questions ran through Batman’s mind alongside the guilty, he made things even worse, as always. He had to change that.
The circus lights were almost blinding and the music was loud. In the past, the second time he lived that day he was unprepared, this time he knew better, he investigated Dick’s kidnapping and tracked the solicitation of the Graysons's murder to three rich and influential socialites, and was able to find incriminatory proofs to all of them linking them to illegal activities, before time travelling again, and made sure everyone involved in this crime was arrested the day before the show.
Now, Batman carefully watches the spectacle to make sure everything was going to happen as it should. He celebrates when he gets to see Dick do his signature “Quadruple Flip of Doom” followed by his parents doing a simultaneous triple flip, this time no rope snapped and they were able to land safely. He sees the family bow to the audience and is able for the first time to watch the next Circus act involving an elephant and two clowns, not a good idea in Gotham. He left the Circus and went to the manor thinking he did something right.
He woke up the next day to the news in the newspaper:
Flying Graysons killed in their sleep
their now orphaned son is missing
The circus lights were almost blinding and the music was loud. In the past, the third time he lived that day he was unaware of how profound the corruption was. The Court of Owls wanted to transform Dick Grayson into a talon, their deadly assassin loyal to the Court, he wanted nothing more than to dissolve this whole group but this would take more time than he has. Batman couldn’t time travel to more than a few months before the day the Graysons died, Talia is pregnant with Damian and he can’t erase his existence by time traveling to before he was conceived. So he will have to protect the Graysons and fight the Court of Owls at the same time.
He watched the show run smoothly and the crowd leave the circus, soon the performers went to their trailers to sleep. So when he saw a talon approaching the Graysons’s van Batman was ready to fight it, the battle did not take as long as he expected it, as the talon was immobilized he realized another talon was leaving the family’s trailer.
The talon he fought was only a distraction.
He ran to the trailer but he was not fast enough.
The vision that he witnessed was going to haunt Bruce’s nightmares for the rest of his life. John and Mary Grayson dead bodies trying to protect their young son, they were not successful. The Court of Owls must have realized Batman was investigating them and decided to eliminate Dick, Dick was dead because of him. He ruined everything again.
The circus lights were almost blinding and the music was loud. In the past, the fourth time he lived that day he underestimated the Court of Owls, he was not going to commit the same mistake again…
Dick Grayson was turned into a talon.
The circus lights were almost blinding and the music was loud. In the past, the fifth, sixth, seventh time he lived that day he tried to make it better, no matter how much Batman tried the outcome was the same, the more he tried to fix it the worse it got. Now Batman is on top of a building next to the circus, carefully observing everything around him, and that’s why he noticed someone that was not there before, the moment he saw the yellow and blue suit he immediately knew what that meant, but he couldn’t accept it, the man noticed him and flew in the direction he was hiding.
“Hi, Bats,” Booster Gold says, sitting next to Batman. “You know why I’m here, don’t you?”
Batman stares at him for a minute before admitting;
“I can’t go back to the future, Booster.”
“...Yeah, I get that. But no I can’t take you back. The artifact you used only goes to the past, never the future, and it transported your conscience to the body of your past self. If I try to take you out of here, Gotham will not have a Batman. You made a mess, Bruce, you knew better than to try to change the past.”
“Hm”
“You can't just go back in time to make sure Dick Grayson doesn't become Robin, you know how important for the timeline he is? The world would end, Batman! Why would you even do this?” The hero responsible for keeping the time stream as it should vents in frustration.
“I can’t do this again, I will ruin their lives again. I thought they would be better without me but I can’t even save Dick.”
“Shit, sorry, don’t do that — Wait, you’re crying? Please don’t cry. I don’t know what to do with a crying Batman!” Booster exclaims disconcerted by the usually stoic vigilante, his panic is enough to take Batman out of a breakdown.
“I’m not crying. I’m fine.” Says the man dressed as a bat
“Uhh you sure about that, man?”
“...”
“Bats, I can’t take you back to the future. But there are some events that you can’t change, you can’t save Mary and John Grayson, and you need to raise their son to be a hero.”
“I can’t be a father, I was a terrible one the first time. Half of my kids died at least once.”
“Well, you can be a better one this time.”
And this stuck in Bruce’s mind, if he was going to be a father again, he was going to make sure he would be a better one for his children this time.