Chapter Text
After the awards show ended Caine teleported everyone back to the circus. With the distraction of the show gone Pomni could feel the tears she’d been holding back since she and Jax’s fight welling up in her eyes, she could hear the chatter of everyone else slowly turn into distant static, like she was hearing them from behind thick glass, or under water. Her feet moved without her really having to think about it, taking her back to her room.
She closed and locked the door behind her before falling face first into the blue and red striped sheets, finally letting herself break down. It was like opening the flood gates, as she sobbed into her pillow, she was sure if she didn’t have it to muffle her someone would hear her and she really didn’t want to deal with that right now. She couldn’t handle being around people, around Jax.
She knew, deep down, that he was lying through those stupid fucking yellow teeth, but that honestly didn’t help, he still said what he did to hurt her. It played through her head like a movie, as clear as when it had happened.
“What would you do if I abstracted tomorrow?”
“I’d move on, and probably forget about you.”
She started crying more, how was that even possible, she thought, as she continued to cry into the striped pillow, leaving dark tear marks where her eyes were. She didn’t think she’d ever cried this much in her entire life. Jax’s words kept replaying in her head, over and over and over, it reminded her of when she first got here, that nightmare she’d had that first night. She hadn’t thought about it since Kofmo's funeral. Jax hadn’t been there, would he be at hers? Probably not.
After what felt like days but was probably a few hours (how did time work here anyways) of crying she finally got to the point she was exhausted enough to fall into an uneasy sleep. Though her dreams weren’t all that much better.
Her and Jax going after Ragatha and Kinger.
“I’d move on.”
Them outside Zooble’s room, dancing, singing.
“And probably forget about you.”
Them laying outside, in the grass under the stars, talking.
“Geez, you really can’t take a joke, can you?”
___
Jax wasn’t doing all that much better, he kept telling himself it was for the best, she’s just going to leave, maybe she’ll abstract, maybe she’ll just realize what an awful person you are first. He felt a pit in his stomach at the thought of her abstracting that he tried to shake off, he tried to think of anything else.
“What would you do if I abstracted tomorrow?”
Don’t ask that…
“I’d move on, and probably forget you.”
Liar.
He shook his head roughly, as though he could physically shake the thoughts away. Why did it affect him so much? He wasn’t like this, he was Jax, the funny one, the one who made people suffer for his own enjoyment, so why did seeing her practically run back to her room after the awards show make his chest feel so tight?
Her hands trembling as she held the gun up.
“Okay. okay, understand”
His mind racing with any way to stop what he felt in the pit of his stomach was going to happen.
“Geez, you really can’t take a joke, can you?”
Stupid. Why did he say that of all things?
He kicked his dresser as hard as he could, regretting it almost immediately as pain shot from his foot up his leg, he never was all that great at handling pain, physical or emotional. He screwed his eyes shut and tugged at his ears a bit, why were they drooping? They weren’t supposed to do that, that only happened when he was upset, which he wasn’t, he didn’t get upset, not over this sort of thing at least.
Jax turned on his heel suddenly and walked to his door. He left his room quickly, walking through the endless multi-colored halls, he wasn’t sure where he was going, just anywhere but here. He walked past door after door, picking up speed as he did, as though he could run away from the thoughts of that stupid jester.
The way she smiled while he spun her around, singing, he hadn’t done that with anyone.
The way she looked at him when she asked what he would do if she abstracted tomorrow, making his stomach churn in a way he hadn’t felt before.
He finally stopped walking, opening the door to a large field, stars shone over the grass that swayed gently in the non-existent breeze, fireflies danced over the grass, Pomni would have liked this. He slammed the door as soon as the thought came to him, he didn’t want to think about her, he wanted to think about anything else.
The way the stars reflected off those huge, pinwheel eyes.
The way those same eyes looked down at the gun because of him.
He turned around again, deciding to just go to his room and sleep, this would all blow over in the morning, he wake up and feel normal again, Pomni would hang out with Ragatha, or maybe Zooble and Gangle, and he’d be alone again, that's how I like it, anyways.
___
Pomni woke up the next morning, she felt awful, she sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed and dropped to the floor. She went over to look at herself in the large golden framed mirror, she looked like shit. Her eyes were puffy and red, she hadn’t changed the night before, falling asleep in her jester outfit, her hat had fallen off, her hair was a mess. She sighed, if she went out looking like this there would be questions, and she just couldn’t handle that right now.
She rubbed her eyes, trying to make it look less like she’d been crying but it didn’t work, she decided to just skip breakfast today, she wasn’t hungry anyways. She walked over to her closet and grabbed a red hoodie and blue shorts, could I have any other colors? She changed into them and fell back into her bed, rolling over onto her side. She didn’t feel like crying anymore, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to anyways.
She couldn’t help but keep replaying the fight in her mind, she felt her throat tighten again as she remembered hugging him, when was the last time she’d actually wanted to touch someone, she felt her eyes prick with more tears as she drew her knees up to her chest. She jumped slightly at a small knock on the door, quickly wiping her eyes. She did her best to not sound like she’d been crying, “y-yeah?” her voice came out raspy and she prayed it would sound like she was just tired.
“Hey Pomni… I was just wondering how you were doing? You don’t usually skip breakfast and you seemed a bit, off, last night…” Ragatha’s voice trailed off at the end, Pomni thought for a second about opening the door and telling her what was wrong but she shook off the thought, Ragatha had too much on her plate as it was, she didn’t need this too, “y-yeah, I’m fine, just kinda tired from yesterday and not hungry.” She waited for an agonizing thirty seconds before Ragatha responded, “ok, well, Caine said we’d have today off since we messed the place up pretty bad yesterday, so I’ll see you later?” Pomni sighed glad she at least had the day off, “uhh, I don’t know, I’m pretty tired, we’ll see.” she wasn’t lying exactly, she was tired, she felt like last night’s sleep did absolutely nothing, “oh, ok, well, bye.” Ragatha sounded worried, like she didn’t fully believe her, but she didn’t push it, with Pomni was grateful for at least, “bye.” She responded, hearing the rag doll’s footsteps walking away.
___
“I’d move on, and probably forget about you”
He felt like he wasn’t in control of his own words, like it was someone else speaking and moving while he just sat and watched helplessly from behind his own eyes.
“Okay. Okay, I understand”
Why was this happening again?
“Geez Pomni, you can’t take a jo-” he stopped as he turned around, looking at Pomni, dark inky black was over taking her body, dozens of multi colored eyes looked at him.
He shot up in bed, panting as sweat clung to his fur. His hand clutched his chest, he could feel his heart going a million miles a minute, his ears pinned down against his head. He got out of bed and went to the small connected bathroom, turning on the sink and splashing his face with cold water to calm himself down, it took a minute for it to work but once it did he looked at himself in the mirror, “get it together,” he mumbled to himself, drying his face off as his forced his ears to stand up.
He told himself that this was better, for him and for her. He turned to leave his room, telling himself he just needed to go to breakfast and see her, talking to the others and it would be fine. He walked down the hall. Avoiding looking at Pomni’s door as he left his room, he couldn’t handle looking at that bug eyed stare.
When he entered the kitchen he stopped in his tracks, somethings wrong, his eyes scanned the room, everyone was talking and laughing about the day before, his eyes landed on the empty chair beside where he usually sat, “where’s Pomni?” His voice came out more worried than he meant it to, Ragatha looked at him, her face etched with something he couldn’t quite place, Pomni was good at that emotional stuff. He shook the thought off, why was he thinking about her? “She’s in her room, she doesn’t feel like eating.” He felt a pit in his stomach that he did his best to ignore, “oh.” He tried to sound like he didn’t care but his mind filled with the memories of his dream.
Turning around and seeing that black inky shape where Pomni had stood, multi-colored eyes all looking at him.
He shook his thoughts off, sitting in his chair, it felt wrong not having her presents next to him. He tried to distract himself by loading his plate with perfectly round pancakes, pouring far more syrup than anyone should have in one meal over them and shoveling them down his throat. He listened to the conversation happening around the table to try and keep his mind anywhere else.
“I had so much fun!! I’ve always wanted to fire a tommy gun like that, it was awesome!” Gangle rambled between eating, “yeah, you were awesome. Pomni did this f[@$%]ing stupid trick shot that bounced off like, 5 walls before it hit me, it was complete bull[#%&@]” Why did they have to bring her up? He didn’t want to think about her. “I wish I’d got to do more… I got taken out first…” “you did quite well Ragatha, at least I think you did…” Kinger trailed off but Jax wasn’t listening anymore, his mind going back to he and Ragatha in those colorful halls.
“I-I know what you’re trying to do with Pomni!”
What was she talking about? “Huh?”
“You know… trying to get close to her so you can corrupt her? It’ll never work!”
How dare she, how fucking dare she. He knew it was his fault, but to imply it was on purpose, to imply he wanted the same for Pomni, he held the gun up and fired. Only for it to blow up in his face because she’d plugged it, this wouldn’t affect him normally but it was just the final straw, it took a separate gun out, not listening to whatever stupid shit Ragatha was saying, unloading the entire round into her, glaring down at the stuffing that was everywhere before she disappeared in a pop.
Jax stood up so fast his chair clattered to the floor, he was horribly aware of all the eyes now on him as he stormed out of the room without a word.
He walked down the hall back to his room, he looked at Pomni’s door, for a second considering knocking and talking to her, but he quickly shook the thought away. I’m probably the last person she wants to see right now anyways. Instead he went into his room, slamming the door closed and locking it behind him.