Chapter Text
Why is Katsuki going through my phone…?
You don’t quite understand what’s happening. In fact, asking why he’s going through your phone isn’t even the correct question. The better question would be how is he going through your phone? Since when is he even able to do that?
“When the fuck were you going to tell me about this?” Katsuki grits out.
He doesn’t seem to have any intention of answering your questions. Rather, he hardly even seems concerned with the fact that you just found him doing something he shouldn’t be doing. He doesn’t seem to care about any of that.
And even though he hasn’t yet specified exactly what he means, based on the conversations he must have read through, it’s obvious he’s referring to your relationship with Tomura.
In that case, fine. You suppose you can’t keep it hidden any longer, and you’ll get to that in a moment, but first… he owes you an answer.
“Katsuki, what the hell?” you snap, voice rising in volume. “You can’t just go behind my back and look through my phone like that. Also, I know I left it locked. Do you know my passcode? Since when? Seriously, whatever you’re doing, it’s not okay—”
“You have a boyfriend,” Katsuki interjects, completely disregarding everything you just said. He takes a step forward, one hand furiously clenched into a fist, and you’re not sure why, but your stomach lurches.
“Yes,” you nod hesitantly. “I do. I do, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to go through my phone like that. What the fuck? This is really upsetting. You’re completely invading my privacy. How would you like it if I started snooping around your things?”
Katsuki stares at you, crimson eyes colder than you’ve ever seen them.
“I wouldn’t give a shit. Because I have nothing to hide from you.”
You take a deep breath. “Okay, well, I didn’t mean to hide it from you forever, and I was actually planning on telling you really soon, but I had a lot on my mind. Especially since you’re always talking about how much you don’t like Tomura. I knew it was going to be an awkward conversation, so I needed some time to prepare myself.”
That’s obviously not the full truth, but you can’t exactly tell him why you needed more time. You can’t tell him about Tomura’s situation, and how you’ve been keeping him at arm’s length to protect all the people you care about. It’s not even Tomura that worries you right now, but All For One. You just wanted to take that final step to tear Tomura away from him, and then you were going to come clean to your parents, Katsuki, and your other friends too.
It’s not like you didn’t want him to know. You were just scared. Because you realize that, as much as you care about Tomura, your relationship with him is incredibly risky. You thought you were doing the right thing by keeping it hidden until you got everything under control.
Based on how vicious Katsuki’s glare is, however… it’s clear that’s not at all the case.
“You’re so fucking full of it,” he sneers. “Yeah, right. You didn’t plan on ever telling me. What a great friend you are, huh? If you were hiding something like this, then who knows what else you’re probably keeping from me.”
You can feel your face getting hot. Not from embarrassment, though. You’re well aware of the fact that he’s probably read through countless of your messages with Tomura by now, even the somewhat cringy ones where you’re gushing all over him and being sickeningly affectionate.
But why should you feel ashamed anyway? It’s not like you did anything wrong. Tomura’s your boyfriend, and more importantly, you care about him. You genuinely want him to have a real chance at happiness. You’re not going to apologize for holding someone close to your heart. You’re not going to apologize for having feelings for someone, regardless if those feelings come with their own share of problems.
How can Katsuki possibly make it sound like you’re the one who crossed the line? Like you’re the one who did something unforgivable?
No, you’re certainly not perfect, and you’ve never pretended to be, but it doesn’t matter—because he’s at fault here, not you.
“Give me my phone back,” you glare, and you storm over to him, reaching out to pry it from his grip.
But that doesn’t happen.
Instead, Katsuki grabs you by the arm, swivels you around, and slams you against the wall.
You feel it then, for the very first time. For the first time in all the years he’s been your friend. As he holds you in place, pinning your wrists to the wall and refusing to let you budge, you feel… scared.
Of him. Of Bakugou Katsuki.
Of the boy you always considered your dearest friend.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Katsuki screams. “Are you fucking stupid? Do you think I’m stupid?? Do you think I’m such a goddamn joke that you can just make a fool out of me like this?!”
Your breath stutters. All of a sudden, it feels like it’s trapped in your chest, like you can’t swallow it down, like all the air in the world has abruptly disappeared.
Katsuki isn’t holding onto your phone anymore. It’s already been tossed to the side, distant and forgotten. Clearly, the content of those messages isn’t even what matters to him. It’s the fact that you lied. That you deceived him and shut him out.
And of course, although you don’t yet know this… it’s the fact that you dared to be intimate with someone other than him.
“K-Katsuki, stop,” you say, voice catching in your throat. “Can you just… calm down? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away, but you’re making a way bigger deal out of this than you need to—”
“Did I say you could fucking speak?”
His eyes glare daggers into yours, haunting and unfamiliar. It’s almost as if a stranger has taken over his body. You don’t understand what’s happening. You don’t understand why he’s acting like this all of a sudden. Of course, he’s had outbursts before, moments where he’s lost his temper and lashed out at others, but not once have any of those incidents ever been directed towards you.
He’s always treated you so kindly. He’s always shown you how much your friendship means to him.
Until now.
Now, he’s glaring at you with such venom, such spite, that you hardly even recognize him.
“I wasn’t done,” Katsuki mutters, fingers tightening around your wrists, making you wince and desperately retreat further back against the wall—despite the fact that there’s nowhere to go. “You’ve really been pissing me off lately, you know that? You constantly lie to me. You constantly hide shit from me. You constantly treat me like I don’t matter to you at all. You’re just looking down on me, aren’t you? You think I’m some kind of fucking idiot that will do whatever the fuck you want, whenever you want, no matter how you treat me. Isn’t that right?”
“No,” you say, mouth parted in disbelief. “No, of course not—”
“I’M STILL NOT DONE TALKING, YOU STUPID BITCH!”
The sheer force of his outcry was already frightening enough, but to make matters even worse, he briefly lets go of one of your wrists so that he can slam his fist against the wall.
It feels as though the entire house rattles, and you go weak behind the knees, frozen all the way down to your bones.
…ah.
Something’s wrong. Your body is reacting without even meaning to. All of the thoughts swirling through your head disappear faster than you can even blink, and in their place, only emotions—and instinct—remain.
You can’t calm down. You can’t get a hold of yourself, no matter how hard you try.
It’s because of all the screaming, the deafening sound of his fist slamming against the wall, and not to mention the sheer cruelty of his words… the same kind of words you’ve heard too many times to even count.
But not in this life.
In the miserable life you had before.
That’s why you truly can’t help it. The trauma kicks in, too overwhelming to escape from, and before you even realize it yourself, you’re sobbing.
No, not just sobbing. You’re wailing, choking over every breath, gasping uncontrollably, and squeezing your eyes shut as if you expect the pain to appear any moment now.
The sight of you like this, so broken and vulnerable, is what finally snaps Katsuki back to his senses again.
“Shit,” he mumbles. “I’m—I didn’t mean to. Shit, I really didn’t mean to. I’m sorry, [Name]. I didn’t mean to, okay? I went too far. I just… I couldn’t stand that you lied to me.”
Sadly, his words barely even register at this point. You’re already trapped in the prison of your own mind, in your personal, private hell. Forced to confront memories you desperately hoped would never be able to hurt you again.
But worst of all… forced to once again experience the pain of being mistreated by someone who should care about you.
“[Name], I’m sorry,” Katsuki repeats, but you insist on keeping your eyes shut, and you even crane your neck away from him while trembling nonstop.
It makes his heart sink. He knows he shouldn’t have done that. He’s never screamed at you like that before. He’s never uttered such hurtful words before either. It’s just that the frustration of discovering you’ve been dating Tomura, of knowing that you’ve been unimaginably close to him, made all of Katsuki’s self-restraint disappear.
Don’t you realize that? Don’t you see how much he loves you?
But even if Katsuki were to try to confess right now… it certainly wouldn’t go the way he’d like.
“I’m sorry,” he says once again, and even though you’re still not looking at him, he gently pulls you away from the wall and into his arms.
Your entire body is somehow trembling even more than it was just a second ago.
Like you really are afraid.
Of him.
“I won’t yell at you anymore,” he promises. “Please. You have to believe me. I’ve been in a really horrible mood these past few days, that’s all. I’m stressed. And you even got attacked by that villain, so—”
“...out.”
Katsuki blinks. “Huh?”
“I said, get out,” you gasp, and with a harsh, decisive push, you finally manage to separate yourself from him. You’re still visibly shaken up, but your demeanor has changed from total panic and helplessness, to palpable rage. “G-Get out of my house,” you shudder, clutching your sides, nails digging into your skin as you brace yourself.
Katsuki swallows. “Listen, I really am sorry—”
“Get out, get out, get the fuck out!!”
This time, you’re the one who screams, and although Katsuki doesn’t physically crumple in on himself the way you did, he feels like his soul has been ripped apart nevertheless.
“I’m sorry,” he tries once again, but even he realizes it’s pointless. It won’t make a difference at this point.
He never thought he’d scare you like that. He didn’t mean to scare you like that. And now… it’s too late.
He’s ruined everything.
“I’ll give you space,” Katsuki says, turning away with rigid, robotic motions.
You don’t call out to him as he walks away. You don’t even look back at him again. You just wait.
You wait until you’re certain he’s gone—
—and then you collapse onto the floor, sobbing violently.
The rest of the day passes by in a blur.
You try to distract yourself by watching TV, listening to music, reading, but nothing helps. You’re still unbelievably rattled from what just happened with Katsuki.
You can’t seem to understand how it came to this. You’ve always known that Katsuki struggles to keep his anger at bay, but still, you could never have imagined that finding out Tomura is your boyfriend would lead to such a volatile, hateful interaction.
It makes you feel truly depressed. Katsuki has flaws, of course, just like everyone else, but for the most part, the time spent by his side has been overwhelmingly positive. Apart from the one instance where he lost his temper and injured that other boy who used to live in the neighborhood (and has since moved away), the memories you shared with Katsuki were good ones. Memories you could take pride in. Memories that made you happy.
What happened earlier, though… that was different.
He didn’t even seem like himself anymore. He felt like he’d been possessed or something—taken over by some sinister, unseen force. Or maybe that’s just what you’re telling yourself to soften the blow.
To avoid facing the reality that Katsuki, of all people, made your trauma resurface.
You spend the better portion of the evening shut away in your room. When your parents call you down for dinner, you try your hardest to put on a brave face, at least for a little while. They remark that you’re quieter than usual, but otherwise, not much else. You manage to hold back your tears and hide how you’re feeling until you get back to your room—where you end up breaking down all over again.
Needless to say, you don’t get much sleep that night. It’s not even just the shock of what happened. It’s the sadness that hangs heavy in your chest, weighing your heart down, making you feel like absolute shit.
You care about Katsuki. Truly, you do.
He was the very first friend you ever made in this world, and since then, the two of you have been inseparable. You don’t want your friendship to be broken beyond repair, but you know you’re not ready to forgive him either.
This is just a horrible situation all around. You don’t understand why he would react like that. Even if you kept a secret from him… why did he have to get that upset? Is it just because he despises Tomura that much? Or has he been carrying this frustration for longer than you can even imagine?
You don’t know. You can’t possibly know, not without talking to Katsuki himself, but there’s far too much on your mind right now for you to even consider doing that.
A night has gone by. A sleepless, exhausting night, but it’s morning now. A brand new day. The day that Tomura promised to tell you everything.
So, naturally, the first thing you do is text him asking when he wants to meet up.
He doesn’t respond, though.
You wait a little while, go eat breakfast, then text him again. But there’s still no response.
You nibble on your lower lip, feeling apprehensive. That’s strange. Normally, he’s quick to reply, just as long as he’s actually awake. And he’s pretty much always awake—seeing as he has a terrible sleep schedule.
Yet, he hasn’t texted back. You even send another follow-up text, but it ultimately yields the same results. You proceed to then call him as well, and again, it doesn’t work.
A painful, unpleasant feeling twists in your gut.
What’s… happening?
As if your fight with Katsuki yesterday wasn’t already bad enough, now Tomura’s ignoring you? It just doesn’t make any sense. Everything seemed fine when you last spoke to him. He even promised he was going to tell you the truth. Did he get cold feet? Is he second-guessing himself? The questions flood through your mind endlessly, and you can feel yourself getting dangerously close to hyperventilating.
But then, your phone buzzes.
You practically leap for it, only for your shoulders to sag disappointedly. It’s not Tomura. It’s Izuku. And although he isn’t exactly the person you were hoping to hear from right now, he’s asking if you’re free to come over for a little while.
He’s offering you a momentary reprieve. A distraction.
Since it’s far better than sitting and stewing on your own, naturally, you agree.
“Hi, [Name],” Izuku greets, opening the door with a big smile. “I have so much to tell you!”
You strain a smile back, even though it feels like pulling teeth right now. Inko waves to you as you pass by, and Izuku makes sure to shut the door to his bedroom so that Inko can’t overhear.
You assume he’s about to tell you some more about All Might, about the training regimen he’s officially going to start working through, and how he needs to become a proper vessel by the time of the U.A. entrance exam.
It does look like he’s about to start rambling excitedly, but perhaps he notices that your spirits are lower than usual, because he stops to frown at you in concern.
“Um… [Name]?” he mumbles. “What’s wrong? Is everything okay?”
“Not really,” you admit.
You weren’t even sure if you actually wanted to talk about this, but since it’s incredibly difficult to act like there’s nothing on your mind, you suppose you may as well be honest.
“Katsuki and I had a fight yesterday. It was… really bad.”
Izuku blinks. He appears taken aback—and you can’t blame him. He should have a much more favorable impression of Katsuki in this world. Their dynamic is nowhere near as malicious as it was originally meant to be at this point, so he’s probably surprised to hear that you had a falling out.
And that’s true. He is surprised. He wasn’t expecting something like this to happen. The only instance you got really upset with Katsuki, you ignored him for a period of time, but since then, Katsuki made deliberate adjustments to his behavior. Izuku was even able to stand his ground and threaten him.
He thought for sure that Katsuki wouldn’t dare slip up like that ever again, but apparently, he was wrong.
And he’s so, so glad that he was wrong.
“I’m sorry,” Izuku says, doing his utmost to keep a smile from creeping onto his face. “I’m really sorry about that. What did Kacchan say? What did you guys fight over?”
“I’ll tell you later,” you say, hugging your knees to your chest. “I’d prefer not to get into the details right now. It just really caught me off guard. Seeing him lose his temper and scream at me like that. I know he’s never been good at holding back his anger, but this just felt… really extreme. If I’m being honest, I was actually kind of scared.”
Once again, Izuku is trying his damn hardest not to let his elation show.
It’s not that he’s happy Katsuki screamed at you, of course. He hates that you were scared, and that you look so upset right now. This incident has clearly taken its toll on you, and for that, his heart aches.
But it’s the outcome that matters the most—and what this inevitably means is that your relationship with Katsuki has been damaged. Possibly beyond repair.
Somehow, he’s nearly as happy as he was when All Might named him his successor.
He realizes he probably shouldn’t feel such happiness over something so twisted, and yet he still does. He just can’t help himself. He can’t help but hope for a world in which you cast Katsuki out of your life altogether.
“That’s horrible,” Izuku says, eyes gentle and sympathetic. He reaches out, shyly, and grabs your hand in his. “It’s going to be okay. I’m really sorry that happened, but you didn’t deserve it, and you’re not the one to blame. It’s Kacchan’s fault. He should never have done something like that.”
You nod weakly, struggling to form any other words. You still feel downright awful, but at least it’s better than being all alone right now. Or having to pretend like everything’s fine in front of your family.
So, you stay for a while. Then a while longer.
Then even longer—until several hours have already passed.
You wanted a distraction. Of course you did. But not just from Katsuki. From the fact that Tomura’s been ignoring you all day.
Panic is starting to set in now. It’s been so long, and you’ve texted and called him more than a handful of times, but he still hasn’t contacted you. You don’t want to assume the worst, but it’s starting to seem like he has no intention of keeping his word. Maybe he was putting on airs yesterday. Maybe you really did push him too far, but he just didn’t want to let it show.
Right as you can feel fresh tears rising to your eyes, suddenly, your phone buzzes.
This time, it is Tomura.
Tomura:
Hey, I’m ready now.
Just let me know when you can leave.
The sigh that breaks past your lips is so forceful that it almost leaves you feeling lightheaded.
Holy shit, thank god. You were worried that you’d somehow made a mess of everything, but no, you still have a chance. You’re choosing to push Katsuki to the back of your mind and focus on what needs to be done first and foremost. It’s still not too late to fix things. Tomura is so close to being saved.
“I should get going now,” you blurt out abruptly.
Izuku looks up from his hero analysis notebook. “Huh? Oh. Right away? My mom was saying dinner’s almost ready, though.”
“Sorry. I just remembered I still have some things left to do. But thanks for keeping me company. I wasn’t feeling well, so I really needed it.” You lean in, offering a quick, tight hug, then you pull away with an appreciative smile. “Bye, Izuku. Have a good night. Thanks again!”
He frowns as he waves goodbye, wondering why you’re in such a hurry all of a sudden, but considering the good news he just got earlier, he’s hardly in a position to complain.
If he’d known, however, who you were going to see, and why Katsuki was so angry with you earlier… he would’ve done everything in his power to stop you.
But that moment has already passed.
And so, he simply smiles and continues jotting down notes, blissfully unaware of what you’re about to walk into.