Chapter Text
VII.
We are betrayed by what is false within.
~ George Meredith, from The Ordeal of Richard Feverel
When T’Pau asked Tyler if he had experience with mind melds, he hadn't lied. He didn't have any experience with them – but that didn't mean he'd never had another presence in his head. He remembered all too well what it’d been like when Voq surfaced. Thoughts that weren't his, emotions he hadn't understood, impulses that were completely against his ethics – fighting with Voq had been an existential and physical nightmare. And I lost.
He was terrified that was about to happen again. The idea of having another consciousness in his mind made his heart race and his stomach threaten to revolt.
But this was Michael. He knew her, trusted her. If this would help her… Spock's bond with Christine kept him alive.
What’d happened on the bridge was one of the worst moments of his life.
“You killed Pike to take command of Enterprise," Michael matter-of-factly tells Chin-Riley. "Good luck collecting your officers. End comm, Adam."
It's exactly what Michael would’ve done in the mirror universe – but they aren't in the mirror universe. What she's about to do will kill a lot of good officers, including those Discovery's been trying to protect. She'll never forgive herself.
"Wait." On the viewscreen, Noonian-Singh quickly stands, attracting Michael's attention. "There's an explanation–”
A pair of transporter beams form near Kirk and Michael. One turns into Cortez, the other into the last Enterprise recon person. He doesn't know the auburn-haired, young human man, but the guy seems compliant, and right now, that's all that matters.
Cortez orders the officer to join the group. The man obediently walks towards the others. A step or two away from Michael, the officer lunges for her, tac knife in hand, stabs it into her back without hesitation.
The room explodes into bedlam. Closest to the aggressor, Kirk punches his teammate in the face, sending the man sprawling. Enterprise’s acting first officer quickly catches Michael as her knees buckle, the phaser falling from her grasp. Detmer, Ayad, Cortez, Fitshel, even Tilly take aim at the Enterprise group, shouting commands, ready to fire, on the verge of murder. Unarmed, the former TDAs shout that it wasn't them, they weren't sent to hurt anyone, they'd never harm the captain. Spock and Christine head for Michael and Kirk; Christine drops to her knees with them while Spock stands beside the trio, phaser raised to defend against anyone who comes too close.
"Get out of the way,” he snarls at Patel, dodging past the officer so he can get to Michael and Christine. He kneels beside them, sets his rifle down so he can help, but he doesn't know what to do. Kirk has Michael braced against his shoulder in a twisted parody of a hug, keeps her motionless against him to prevent the knife from causing additional damage. Already calling the docs, Christine unfastens her jacket, tears fabric from her t-shirt, presses it around the wound. The fabric’s immediately soaked in blood; so's her hand.
“This wasn't supposed to happen," Kirk says, voice made of grim disbelief.
Culber appears like a miracle, has an emergency kit with supplies to manage the wound for transport. Within moments, the doc, nurse, and Michael are emergently beamed to sickbay.
She's dead. He's just watched Michael be murdered right in front of him. She’s dead.
"Enough!“
He glances up, sees Pike of all people. The captain looks hardly able to stand, bare feet and medical attire attesting to a direct arrival from the temp sickbay.
Kirk's eyes grow wide as he scrambles to his feet. "No no no–" The man isn't looking at Pike, but Tilly.
The Enterprise officer who'd attacked Michael has been dragged up to one knee by the fistful of jacket Tilly has in her grasp. The redhead has a phaser pointed at the man's head; her expression says she's about to use it.
"Shut up!“ he shouts over the roar of voices. Quickly he stands. "Shut the hell up!“
Silence falls from those in the room, on the screen as all eyes turn to Tilly and what's about to happen.
"Ensign, don't fire," Pike says calmly. "He's no longer a – he's not a danger."
"’Not a danger?’ He just killed Michael." Tilly’s hand tightens around the phaser.
Pike shakes his head. "You don't–”
He waves off the captain, slowly steps towards Tilly. "You can't kill him yet. We need to find out what he knows. He could be part of the group responsible for the attacks."
The officer's eyes flash to him, return to Tilly.
Cautiously he walks closer to the pair. "Not yet, alright?" He reaches out to clasp a hand over the weapon’s barrel.
For a few seconds Tilly holds on, reluctantly lets him have it. "You killed a really good person," she growls at the officer, then releases his jacket, steps back.
He takes her place, settles the phaser in his grasp and strikes the officer across the head with it, knocking the guy out.
“Stop." Pike steps between him and the unconscious man.
He's not sorry.
T'Pau stepped closer, set one of her hands on his head, the other on Michael's. Terrified and hopeful, he closed his eyes, careful to keep the mask against Michael's face. How does this–
There was no gradual transition: suddenly another consciousness burst into his mind. It enveloped him, took up all the space, became the center of everything. It was hurtful and frightening, left him gasping for air and desperate to hide. Distantly he felt Michael being taken from him, but he couldn't stop it. He was being suffocated, buried alive. Trapped.
"I know. It's a lot. Just keep breathing," Christine said. She lowered her voice, quietly instructed, "Think about it like a living creature. Picture a bird, plant, spider – whatever fits. Pretend your mind's a room. Give the thing a place somewhere. It'll stay there."
A room and a living creature. How am I supposed to do that? But staying like this wasn't an option; he had to try. She knows what she's talking about. She's done this. He made himself remember a bedroom in the house at Lake Shasta. He imagined slowly turning away from an open window, knowing something was behind him.
In the imaginary room’s far corner, he saw a black leopard.
Fucking hell. That thing was a predator, was capable of ripping him to pieces with its razor sharp claws and dagger-like teeth. Then he took a more careful look. The creature was sprawled flat on its side, breathing very slowly, its eyes closed. Edging closer, he noticed how beautiful it was, how elegant. It was also ill, completely vulnerable; not only could it not harm him, it couldn't even defend itself. Compassion took the place of his fear.
The leopard's large eyes cracked open a small amount; they were Michael's dark, fathomless eyes.
"Are you well?" L'Rell asked him in Voq’s language.
He was able to breathe, his mind no longer overwhelmed. "Yes." Opening his eyes, he shifted to look at Michael. He could feel the leopard in his mind. It was her. And he wanted her there.
On the bed, Michael turned towards him.
Glancing back to Christine, he couldn't help smiling with wonder. "I get it. I understand what you meant about it being part of you." Already he couldn't imagine losing the presence in his mind.
"Yeah," Christine smiled. "Exactly."
“You will require tutelage on mind skills in order to separate your thoughts," Sarek advised.
“Michael possesses the ability to teach those skills. Tyler does not require your intervention," Spock replied.
Amanda asked, "So the bonding was successful?"
"It would seem so," T’Pau answered.
"Yes." He didn't want to look away from Michael, not even for a minute. This is why Spock and Christine were willing to have Discovery endanger the negotiations.
Suddenly what Velec had done with Michael's memories took on a whole new perspective. He could feel how ill she was; Velec would've been able to do the same, would’ve sensed how traumatized she'd been from captivity, and had attacked her anyway. How could he do that to you? The idea was enraging.
In his mind, the leopard half opened its eyes, tried to raise its head. Made an odd, almost purring sound in attempt to soothe him.
I'm sorry. It's not you. Just rest, he silently told her. He made himself let go of the anger.
There was a thumping tap on the floor. Glancing over, he found Ijol looking at him expectantly, walking staff in hand. L'Rell stood with the matriarch, her attention focused on Georgiou. He knew he needed to escort them to the transporter room, but he didn't want to leave Michael. Definitely not yet, possibly not ever. I'll be quick.
A site-to-site transport had L'Rell, Ijol, and him in the transporter room minutes later. Kyle warily eyed the Klingon women from behind the control console.
"I've got it," he assured the chief, nodding towards the doors.
Kyle hesitated, then left.
As Ijol stepped up onto the pads, he asked, "Did you find what you wanted?"
The matriarch growled. "I saw the truth. Do not refuse that woman her children."
In traditional Klingon culture, children weren't considered a woman’s obligation, they were considered a right. For Ijol to chastise him about it meant she approved of Michael. He nodded shortly in silent acknowledgment.
L'Rell lingered after Ijol had beamed back to the flagship. "You will not be returning to serve the Empire." It wasn't quite a question.
"No." He’d told her that multiple times; it seemed to finally be sinking in.
She defiantly met his eyes. "You must be unable to remember what you once felt for me."
“I remember everything," he said evenly. "Voq fiercely loved you. Ash Tyler wanted you dead."
In his mind, the leopard was suddenly awake, struggled in attempt to get up. Its ears laid flat against its head as it groggily growled and hissed. It wanted to hurt L'Rell. He’d never realized Michael despised the chancellor so much. She’d had L'Rell treated well in the mirror universe, had entrusted her to end the war, had negotiated an armistice with her. But the truth was, Michael would kill her, given the chance. Has she always felt like this?
"You are Voq," L'Rell insisted.
"No, I'm me," he corrected. "Voq thought the relationship between him and you was like Kahless and Lukara’s. He would’ve done anything for you. Ash Tyler was your prisoner. You destroyed his ship, murdered his crewmates, and heinously tortured him. You convinced him that his survival depended on your sexual pleasure. Now, I don't want you dead or wish you harm, but I don't love you, and when you touch me, it feels like violation."
She growled, angry and appalled. "It was war."
"War is combat. T’Kuvma's fight was honorable. What you did wasn't. It was cruelty." He took a breath, quietly added, "And I’ll never forgive you for it."
Her gaze slanted away. After a minute she reached into her trousers, then set a data stick on the console. "During the negotiations it was said the Empire had no Federation prisoners. I have since learned that was false. Several Houses have refused to release their captives." She turned to step up onto the pads. "Qupla’.”
xxx
"I'd like to let you rest, but we've got a problem," Kat told Pike, sitting down across the desk from him.
There's more than one, he thought sourly. He'd been back aboard Enterprise for all of twenty minutes and had already figured out at least three issues needed immediate addressing.
"Batel and the Cayuga are waiting on our side of the line. With you and Lieutenant Ortegas back aboard Enterprise, Discovery has stated they don't intend to return to Federation space," Kat explained.
There had to be a reason. "Burnham and Detmer are in critical need of the–” What was the word? "–The ship. So are several others, including Spock. Why are they refusing to come back?" Enterprise was already en route to the border. Presumably so was the Section 31 ship.
Kat sighed. "Marie convinced Pasalk and Patar that Tyler had something to do with the attacks. She used his hybrid status and Discovery’s jump to Qo’noS to substantiate the claim. Patar has ordered Section 31 to bring him in for questioning. Pasalk has issued a warrant for his detainment – and warrants for every other officer aboard Discovery during the abduction. Evacuation. Whatever. Kyle and Mato also have warrants."
"That's insane." Discovery had over sixty crewmen. All of them believed they'd done the right thing. Christine and Tyler certainly did. Kyle and Mato were outstanding officers; it must’ve been incredibly difficult for them to actively work against Enterprise. And he doubted Tyler had been in any way part of the attacks. "Given what happened with Ensign Lampe, I understand the decision to evacuate. It was risky, but probably less so than staying. Arresting all of them is wildly unnecessary. As far as Tyler is concerned, genetics can't be used as evidence of guilt. The Klingon skirmish proves he wasn't working with them. Even if he were, Security Division runs–” He couldn't remember the word. "–Questioning. Not Section 31. Why is 31 involved at all?"
"Patar talked to April. He agreed 31 would help Security since it was a high priority issue."
"Patar doesn't talk to anyone unless it directly relates to something under her purview. Section 31 doesn't play well with others. What's the real reason?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. 31 has been very helpful, so I didn't ask."
Kat and he had a difference of opinion on 31; Bob leaned closer to his viewpoint than hers, making it all the more suspicious why Patar's offer had been accepted. "Shall we comm him and ask?"
It only took a few minutes for Uhura to patch through a comm with April. "Chris." The admiral's broad smile nearly split his face in half. "I can't tell you how happy I am, knowing you aren't dead. How are you doing?"
“I'm a little tired, but otherwise alright." Actually, he was close to exhausted and hurt in more than a few places. I want to see Marie.
Bob looked at Kat. "Is he lying?"
“A little," she nodded.
“I knew it. I assume things worked out with the Klingons?"
“The war hasn't restarted, if that's what you mean. Chancellor L'Rell severely curtailed the aggressors," Kat replied. "Now that things have slowed down, I thought we could discuss what Patar’s interest in all this is about.”
"Marie used classified information to help obtain a warrant for Tyler," Bob said.
"Marie does that frequently. To the best of my knowledge, Admiral Patar doesn't offer Section 31's services very often," he pointed out.
The admiral on the viewscreen tipped his head, granting the point. "Burnham did some liaisoning with Section 31. Patar is concerned Tyler might have learned about it. She needs to know what information he may have passed to the Klingons."
"Hold on – Burnham worked with 31? When?" He looked at Kat; she shook her head, seemed as baffled as he was.
"Before and during the armistice negotiations."
Kat frowned. "In what capacity?"
"You're not going to like this," Bob cautioned. "When Burnham returned from the alternate universe, Leland contacted her. He asked her to share whatever she knew about the other universe that might be helpful. Seeing the Klingons had all but won the war, she did."
Immediately he knew Bob was wrong about Michael's motivation for helping 31. The captain hadn't cooperated in order to help win the war; she'd done it to demonstrate Discovery's commitment to Starfleet, to prove they were trustworthy despite their nine month absence.
“What's the part I'm going to dislike?" Kat asked suspiciously.
“Section 31 conducted a fallback operation based off Burnham's information. It was meant to be a last-ditch plan in case all other options failed."
"You mean, in case Discovery failed the mission to destroy Qo’noS," he grimly challenged.
"That's highly classified information. How do you know about it?" Bob frowned.
Kat rolled her eyes. "Burnham probably told him."
"My source doesn't matter." He'd never let on that Spock had been the informant. "What was the operation?"
Bob's gaze shifted to Kat; she nodded in answer to his silent question. "Several sites in the Empire were planted with explosives. Places with high populations and critical infrastructure. When the negotiations broke down, Burnham informed the chancellor that the Empire could either continue the armistice talks or watch the sites be destroyed."
"How many sites?" Kat asked.
That's your question? He was hung up on how the person who'd refused to destroy Qo’noS and the person who'd threatened to destroy multiple Klingon locations were the same individual: Michael.
"Maybe two dozen? I'm not sure." Bob shrugged.
Christ.
Kat didn't seem even mildly distressed by the information. "That must’ve been the day Burnham asked L'Rell if they could speak privately," she mused, nodding thoughtfully.
He couldn't let it go so easily. "I can't believe authorization was given for another operation that would’ve deliberately murdered civilians."
Kat dryly said, "You remember the Federation was on the verge of complete destruction, right?"
More kindly, Bob offered, "We know your standpoint, Chris. That's why we didn't ask the flagship to get involved."
"It wasn't alright to ask Enterprise, but Discovery was fine." No wonder Discovery's crew didn't like Command anymore.
“So Patar offered 31’s assistance because Discovery is part of 31. Wish someone had thought to tell me that," Kat grumbled.
Bob shook his head. "As the recent situation demonstrated, Discovery isn't with 31. I'm not sure where they fit in."
He knew that answer. "They fit beside Enterprise. Maybe they've made some questionable decisions, but Lorca taught them that. They're good officers."
"And that's why they took you and your injured crewmen with them." Kat smiled tightly.
Maybe. "Setting all that aside, I don't believe Tyler shared classified information with the Klingons. He doesn't need to go into 31's custody. Discovery's crew doesn't deserve to be arrested. None of them do," he insisted, glancing between the two admirals.
"Bare minimum, Chapel and Tyler do," Bob disagreed. "They orchestrated an abduction which prevented critically injured people from receiving appropriate care. The decision resulted in the death of their own captain."
Time to share. "Burnham isn't dead. I believe the doctors have changed her–” Dammit, what was the word. "–Outlook. If she continues to improve, she's likely to recover."
Kat and Bob exchanged puzzled glances.
“When did this happen?" Bob asked.
"I thought you returned to Enterprise because she'd died," Kat added.
He felt a little smug. "It was because I wasn't needed there. You'll have to ask the ambassador for the explanation. I didn't quite understand how it worked. I'm grateful Chapel and Tyler made the decision to evac us. It was the right call."
“Marie and Pasalk don't agree." Bob looked at Kat. "Do you?”
Kat hesitated. "I don't know. I don't think Tyler was working with whomever staged the two attacks. We'll have to see if Lampe's interrogation sheds any light on things."
"I'll go talk to him." He stood up, ignoring his body’s immediate reminders of tiredness and pain.
"Right now?" Kat asked incredulously.
xxx
La'an absolutely didn't agree with Pike's decision to question Lampe. "With all due respect, you just came out of a coma. Shouldn't you be resting?"
The captain smiled. "Look at all the medical–” He hesitated. "–Supports you’re wearing. Seems like you were substantially injured, but you're already back on duty."
"Not exactly," she muttered. But the captain was determined, so she headed for the brig to arrange things. "Noonian-Singh to Lieutenant Kirk."
“What's up, lieutenant?"
He's talking like we're friends. We're not. "Meet me outside the brig."
She and Kirk had the corridor adjacent to the brig to themselves, since she'd posted security at both ends and another pair halfway down it. Too many people were furious at Lampe not to take extra precautions. She was furious with him: she'd thought he could be trusted.
"And a Pike wants to do this now?" Kirk asked. "He should be in sickbay until he's checked out by the hospital ship."
“He doesn't agree. He wants to talk to Lampe outside the cell. I'm going to be armed and present. I'd like you to do the same." She offered him a phaser.
Kirk took it. "But why him? Security Division can deal with Lampe. Why is he doing this now?"
"Probably because he's hoping Lampe will provide information that will clear Discovery's crew. All of them have detainment warrants out. They’re refusing to return to Federation territory."
"Burnham's going to die if she doesn't get to that hospital ship," Kirk said disbelievingly.
She turned for the brig doors. "That's apparently no longer true.”
"Oh yes it is." He followed her inside.
There was a small conversation room connected to the brig. Lampe was silent as she led him there, ordered him to sit. She restrained his wrists in front rather than behind him, which was all the mercy he was going to get from her.
Kirk dropped to his haunches before the ensign. "Hi. Remember me? We were on the same tac team a few hours ago. You know, the one that went to Discovery. Where you tried to murder Captain Burnham." He sarcastically smiled. "Captain Pike wants to talk with you. I just want you to know that Lieutenant Noonian-Singh and I are going to stun you if you make the tiniest move against him. Then, when you wake up, we're going to take turns beating the hell out of you. So be a good boy and behave."
Lampe's gaze slanted to her. She stared back at him, silently endorsing Kirk's threat.
Pike arrived a few minutes later. The captain glanced at her and Kirk, saw they were armed but didn't protest. He sat down on the chair across from Lampe, hit a tab on the PADD he’d brought to record the interview. "Well, Endsign Lampe, I'm guessing you know why I'm here. You don't have to speak with me. It's your–” He paused. "–Guaranteed right to refuse. But I'm hoping you will. How long have you served on Enterprise?"
The ensign’s voice cracked when he started to answer. He cleared his throat, tried again. "Eleven months and two days, sir."
“Almost a year. Have you been unhappy here?"
Lampe shook his head. "No, sir. It's been an honor to serve on Enterprise."
“Lieutenant Noonian-Singh has consistently written positive things about you. You've earned excellent reviews – and she doesn't hand those out to just anyone.” Pike smiled. "So why did you try to murder your teammates at the honors ceremony, and again at the hospital?"
Quick to reply, Lampe assured, "It wasn't supposed to be like that. You, Ortegas, Uhura, Pelia, and the doc were only supposed to take minor damage. Baccay and Martin definitely weren't supposed to get killed. I promise, sir, it was only meant to be the Discovery people. I swear."
"Why Discovery's people? You know Spock and Christine. Can you help me understand?" the captain asked.
“I used to know them. Lieutenant Spock and Nurse Chapel, I mean." Lampe's voice hardened. "But then they went to Discovery, turned into them."
"Lorca lured them to Discovery. He abducted them. They didn't get a choice," Pike reminded.
"That's the thing, captain. I think they did. They definitely had a choice to come back to Enterprise, but they didn't want to." Lampe started to lean towards Pike, looked at her and stopped, leaned back. "Burnham and Spock are brother/sister. She started the war. They both sold us out to the Klingons."
The captain's brows knit together with confusion. "I don't understand. How did they sell us out?"
"With the armistice. The Klingons almost wiped out the Federation, but the Discovery people gave them everything in the negotiations. It wasn't even a real negotiation; it was a gift-giving."
It didn't seem like that cleared up anything for Pike. "I was a delegate, ensign. I was there for every day of the talks. The terms were fair. Admiral Cornwell thought so, too."
"Captain, they lied to you. They really did," Lampe assured. "Cornwell always supports Discovery. That's why she let Burnham out of prison and overturned the conviction. She made the mutineer a captain! She's as much a traitor as they are."
“Let's say that's true," the captain allowed. "How does that equate to what happened at the ceremony?"
"Because Burnham and Spock betrayed us! They betrayed Enterprise, Starfleet, the Federation – all of us. If they didn’t die, they'd have just kept doing it. We had to stop them." The ensign paused. "But it wasn't supposed to go down like it did. Our crewmen were ordered to go to Discovery. They didn't want to. They despised being there. None of our people were supposed to get seriously hurt, only enough to cause confusion. You weren’t meant to be critically injured. It was an accident. I'm sorry."
“I see," Pike nodded. "You never went to the medical facility. The officers responsible for the ceremony attack were already dead by then. Who else are you working with?"
"I can't tell you that, sir." Lampe looked over Pike's shoulder, met her eyes. "I'm sorry, but I can't."
"Is that because they're going to continue trying to stop Discovery's crew from betraying us?” Pike asked.
The ensign shrugged. "I don't know that they intend to. They probably don't. We failed. It's over."
She didn't believe that at all. One look at Kirk's skeptical expression said he didn't, either.
xxx
“I'll handle the beam over, chief," Pike told Chief Jay. "It's only Captain Batel."
"Aye, sir." Jay gave him a knowing smile before leaving the transporter room.
Marie appeared with a carry-all in hand. She's going to stay over. He was glad, couldn't wait to settle down for the evening with her, despite the talk that waited ahead. "Marie," he smiled.
"Hey sailor," she replied, stepping down to the main level. She dropped her bag in favor of tightly hugging him. "I was worried about you."
“I know. I'm sorry," he murmured.
It was a long few moments before they separated. "Let's go home."
She made a negative sound. "You need to be in sickbay."
"I've already been. The–” Goddammit, what was the word. "–Medical said I didn't need to stay."
“Sure they did."
Once in his quarters, he poured her a glass of brandy but had to skip one for himself; medical had said he couldn't mix alcohol with his medications. Too bad – I know I'm gonna need it. He noticed her eyes narrow with suspicion when he guided her towards the table instead of the couch.
"What's going on?"
He set the PADD containing the recorded interview on the table, sat down across from her. "There are people on Discovery in need of the hospital ship, but the crew's hesitant to return so long as the warrants are active."
“They weren't hesitant before."
"I doubt they knew the entire crew was going to be arrested, then."
“They should’ve. You can't abduct people and think everything's going to be okay."
"Come on, Marie," he groaned. "You even had one issued for Burnham. Do you think she injured herself?"
“She injured you with that damn experimental drug," she snapped. "Besides, she's just wanted for questioning."
“Protocol 12? The doctor said that saved my life."
“Which doctor?"
He couldn't remember his friend's name.
“Exactly," she said gently. "The drug damaged your brain."
"There's no proof that 12 caused this," he disagreed, shaking his head. "Discovery's crew kept me and my officers alive. They did the right thing."
"No they didn't. They kidnapped a bunch of very injured people, thereby sharply increasing those officers’ risk of fatality. It's a miracle you're even alive."
“Is that really how you think of the doctor? And Christine?"
"Christine looked me in the eye and lied. Joseph became complicit the minute he was able to alert Starfleet to Discovery's location and didn't," she growled. "Actions have consequences. I'm not having a single one of those warrants dropped. And, barring those officers’ deaths, I'm going to get convictions against all of them."
"Maybe you'll reconsider after hearing this." He played Lampe's interview.
To her credit, Marie actually listened to it, then listened a second time. "I didn't hear him say Tyler wasn't involved with the attacks. He certainly didn't try to justify the abduction. Why do you always have to make excuses for people?"
He walked around the table, pulled out the chair beside her, sat down. Taking her hands, he quietly said, "I know you were really scared, and I have no doubt you feel betrayed. It was a difficult situation for everyone. But it's over. We can put it behind us and move on, if you let us."
She shook her head. "It's not just about me as an individual. This is about precedent. If they aren't prosecuted, it'll be a tacit endorsement for whomever doesn't approve of someone's medical plan to conduct an abduction. If Discovery's crew genuinely believe their decisions were reasonable and necessary, then they should be willing to defend them in court."
Marie wasn't going to back down. Discovery wasn't going to back down. But something had to change.
"Would you be willing to talk with them?" he asked thoughtfully.
xxx
“Fitshel to Nurse Chapel."
Christine cracked open one eye. "Aren't you off duty?" She and Spock were already in bed, exhausted from – everything. Adam should be off shift, too.
"I was about to be, but then one of Enterprise's shuttles appeared on scans. Captain Pike is requesting to come aboard. Captain Batel is with him."
Huh? She sat up. "They're here? Now?" Pike should’ve been in Enterprise's infirmary. He wasn't ready for discharge, needed to be monitored for post-coma complications.
“They're five minutes out."
Beside her, Spock sat up, got out of bed.
“Have you notified anyone else?" she asked. This really wasn't a great time for a get-together – especially not with Marie.
"Not yet. I wasn't sure if I should notify Tyler or not."
Ash was with Michael, who was back in sickbay; Spock’s sister was no longer terminal, so treatment had been resumed. Kayla was also in sickbay, as was Tilly; several of the ensign’s surgical sites had been aggravated during the bridge incident.
Spock quietly said, "With the exception of Michael, the command crew should be assembled."
She nodded, told Adam, "Yeah, you should. Let the command crew and department heads know that we'll meet in the ready room. Ask Pike to hang out in the shuttle for a few minutes."
"Copy that. Fitshel out."
Tyler didn't think it was a good idea to bring the Enterprise shuttle aboard. Instead he met her in the transporter room, told Oscar he'd handle the controls. He took the tech's place behind the console.
"You ready for this?" Ash asked.
No. The answer was definitely no. Part of her had always known she'd one day have to face Marie, she just hadn't guessed that day would be this one. "Can't be worse than a skirmish, right?" She dredged up a smile.
"This’ll be a skirmish," he grimly assured.
Super.
Two sets of glowing particles coalesced into Pike and Marie. Pike didn't look well, was pale and had dark shadows under his eyes. Everything from Marie's expression to her stance was cold and angry; her eyes were like knives, raked across the room.
Making herself smile, she greeted, "Hey, captain. You really oughta be in sickbay, not out making house calls, you know?"
Pike gave her a small, tired smile. "You're not the first to suggest that, but there are a few things to resolve first." He walked down from the pads accompanied by Marie as Ash circled out from behind the console. "Captain Marie Batel, this is Lieutenant Ash Tyler."
Ash and Marie silently looked at each other, sizing each other up, their faces masks of unflinching neutrality.
"Hi, Marie. I'm glad to see you," she quietly said.
"Captain Batel," Marie corrected. "Is it true you’re Discovery's acting captain, Nurse Chapel?"
"Marie," Pike chided.
It hurt to be rebuffed by someone she respected, regarded as a friend. Suck it up, Chapel. You'd be livid if you were in her position. "Yes."
"No," Ash answered at the same time. "It was a ruse. I've been the ship's CO."
No one had really been in charge. They'd been too busy barely keeping their heads above water to worry about a command structure. But she knew what Ash was doing, wasn't going to let everything fall on him. "That's not true, exactly."
"Let's talk about it," Pike suggested. "Will anyone else be joining us?"
They transported to the ready room. Kayla sat in her usual place at the conference table; her oxygen mask didn't conceal her obvious wariness. Spock sat across the table from the pilot; he was still exhausted, but the green flush was gone. Paul was already frowning, irritated. Hugh and Joseph had both decided to skip the meeting, allegedly to be available in sickbay, but probably really because they just hadn’t seen any point in attending. Peytah watched Pike and Marie with hopeful eyes and a small smile. Michael's place at the head of the table remained vacant.
Marie brusquely made for the far end of the table, sat down with her PADD at the ready. Before Pike, seated beside her, could make introductions, she announced, "I'm Captain Marie Batel, and all of you are under arrest."
People began to push back their chairs and get to their feet.
"You brought us in to tell us what we already know? Really?" Paul groused.
"You can take those warrants and shove them up your ass," Kayla added, glaring.
Spock advised, "Captains Pike and Batel are likely here to discuss the situation. It would be unwise to conclude the meeting this soon."
“We need to hear them out," she agreed, claiming the chair beside Spock's.
Peytah supported, "It won't hurt to listen. They're already here."
Pike nodded. "Some of you and your crewmates direly need – need things from the hospital ship. Captain Batel and I are here to talk about what it'll take for Discovery to be willing to return to Federation space."
Ash shook his head. "It's more than–” He stopped, suddenly distracted.
Seconds later, the computer beamed in two figures: Georgiou and Michael.
“Did you wake her up?" Ash demanded from the emperor. He headed straight for Michael. "You need to go back to sickbay."
“The meeting's over. I'm going back, too," Kayla nodded.
"Please sit down." The captain was visibly tired, looked slight and frail in the hospital outfit, but somehow still seemed better than she had since before the ceremony, with the yellow gone from her eyes, her fever broken. She leaned heavily on Ash as he helped her to the chair at the head of the table.
Glances were exchanged all around. Reluctantly people returned to their seats. Ash scowled fiercely at Georgiou.
"You cannot hold this meeting without her. You're welcome." The emperor sauntered over to sit beside Marie.
Marie moved her PADD out of Georgiou's reach.
Through the bond, she felt Spock's concern; she more than shared it. Michael needs to be in sickbay. Goddamn Terran.
"Thank you for coming, Captain Batel," Michael told the dark-haired officer. She nodded at Pike. "Thank you for bringing her, Chris."
Marie's eyes faintly narrowed.
Pike smiled broadly at Michael. "I can't believe how much better you seem. Everyone was very worried about you."
Michael inclined her head. "It's been a stressful time for all involved."
"True," Pike agreed. "Are you aware Discovery has refused to return to the – our space?"
Quickly Kayla said, "There are arrest warrants out for us, including those of us targeted at the ceremony. Batel even had one issued for you."
She rolled her eyes. Really, Marie?
“Everyone on the ship is going to be detained?" Michael asked, looking at the JAG officer.
“Yes," Marie replied. "Under the guidance of Lieutenant Tyler and Nurse Chapel, Discovery's crew abducted critically ill officers. They refused to return them and refused all orders to stand down, necessitating pursuit and recovery by Enterprise and Section 31. They needlessly endangered lives on multiple ships. They need to accept responsibility for what they did."
"I was acting captain. The whole thing was my idea," she told Marie.
“The evacuation was neither decided nor carried out by one individual," Spock disagreed.
Paul snapped, "This is crazy. We kept each other alive. I'm not going to apologize for that. Starfleet’s saying Tyler's responsible for the attacks and the rest of us are guilty for everything else. They have no idea who really is responsible. Michael, it was one of Pike's own crewmen who tried to murder you."
Michael's gaze slanted Pike.
“Unfortunately, it was one of my officers," Enterprise's captain grimly acknowledged. "I talked with Lampe. This is what he said." He touched a tab on the PADD he’d brought, activating a recording.
She thought about Lampe as she listened to his voice. He sounds so young. There wasn't much she remembered about the ensign; they hadn't run in the same circles, had barely served on the same ship for a month or so. But the hatred in Lampe's voice was clear. So was his certainty. But why? What’d we ever do to him? Glancing around the table, she saw faces reflecting the same anger and confusion she felt.
"Ensign Lampe's assumptions are illogical," Spock said when the clip ended. "His claims are based on emotional supposition, not valid evidence."
"Lampe didn't mention Tyler. That's proof he wasn't involved," Peytah pointed out.
Ash said, "Even if Command wants to detain me for the attacks, there's no reason to hold everyone else."
“No," Kayla said, voice breathless and fierce. "We were the targets. We did everything right and still were targeted. Now we're being targeted again by Starfleet. Why the hell should we have anything to do with them anymore."
Kayla's right. She'd been part of Starfleet for her entire adult life – but this Starfleet wasn't the Starfleet she'd joined, wasn't the organization it'd been before the war. Unless it was, and I just didn't see it.
“Because we're Starfleet," Michael answered Kayla. She looked at Marie. "But I won't deliberately endanger the crew's freedom. I won't allow them to become prisoners, not even for Starfleet. Anyone who wants to return to Federation territory is free to leave whenever they choose. Discovery won't be returning while the threat of captivity is in place."
"Then we're done here," Marie replied.
"No, we're not," Pike sharply denied, anger clear in his voice.
The room went dead silent.
Pike took a deep breath, slowly released it. Calmly he said, "This situation was severe enough on its own. We can't make it worse by going for each other's – by attacking each other." He looked at Marie. "I'm alive because of the evacuation."
Marie shook her head. "You don't know–”
"Yes, I do," Pike interrupted. He turned to Michael. "Discovery is a Starfleet vessel. It can't refuse to return to the Federation. This stalemate can't stand."
Georgiou had been suspiciously quiet thus far. Now she dryly said, "I suppose you have a way to solve everything."
Rubbing his forehead, Pike said to Marie, "Have the warrants dropped. All of them." Then he told Michael, "Come back. Work with Starfleet to determine what actually happened, why it happened, and how to prevent it from happening again."
There was silence for a minute, then Spock said, "That is a logical resolution."
"And it's fair for both sides," Peytah agreed.
"Without court-martials, a legal precedent will be established. That can't happen," Marie insisted.
"If it does, it'll be a precedent endorsing protection and safety," Pike countered. "That's the promise of Starfleet. That is Starfleet."
"Indeed." Michael's eyes shifted one person at a time around the table, silently checking for individual responses.
When Michael looked at her, she nodded. She wanted to make sure what’d happened never happened again. She wanted to stay with Starfleet, work to restore it to what it used to be. Starfleet meant a lot to Spock; she didn't want to take that from him.
She, Spock, and Peytah signaled agreement to Michael's unspoken question. Ash, Kayla, and Paul indicated disagreement. The group was tied.
Finally Michael returned her attention to Marie. "Discovery will return on the guarantee that no Discovery or Enterprise crewman, with the exception of Lampe, will be questioned, brought in, or detained by any branch or division of Starfleet, including Section 31, and that no charges or sanctions of any kind whatsoever will be implemented for any direct or indirect act associated with the attacks, evacuation, or related events. The guarantee will need to be in writing and issued to each individual."
Wow. Michael really is better if she can lay out a legal argument like that. She couldn't help smiling.
Marie was quiet for several minutes. "Each person will have to legally agree, in writing, to comply with all orders issued by Starfleet or risk forfeiting the guarantee. There will be no statute of limitations on the agreement."
Michael nodded. "Understood."
Pushing back her chair, Marie looked at Pike. "I'll speak with Admiral Pasalk."
xxx
In late afternoon of the next rotation, La'an heard herself paged to the ready room.
She'd known this was coming, had been so certain of it that she'd already created a guideline to Enterprise's security department for whomever took her place as chief. She’d completed performance reviews despite them not being due yet, had ensured restock supplies were requisitioned, had drafted schedules for the next thirty days. She'd written her resignation letter.
It wasn't a surprise to find Pike behind his desk, Una in a chair at the desk’s side. The captain wasn't cleared for duty, likely had a month or two of sick leave in his future. He'd been seen in every department throughout the ship in spite of that, smiling and reassuring crewmen that he was, "well on his way to recovery." As a result, the shadows under his eyes were still prominent, and his hand faintly trembled where it rested on the desk.
The captain gestured her towards a chair. "Have a seat, lieutenant. You look tired."
“I'm not on duty, sir." She sat down, adjusted her leg brace to be as comfortable as possible.
“Uh-huh. Well, Number One has filled me in on your role in the ceremony disaster and what followed. Would you like to say anything? Off the record, of course."
She glanced at Una. Once the chief nodded, confirming whatever was said wouldn't go into an official report, she said, "I was the one who convinced Christine and Tyler to evacuate you and the other Enterprise personnel with the Discovery crewmen. I knew when and how it was going to take place. I disabled the medical facility’s security protocols. Whenever and however possible, I assisted them." She drew a breath to continue.
The doorchime sounded.
Una looked a question at Pike. He shrugged, called, "Come."
Uhura entered, walked to the desk slowly but steadily with her cane. She was attempting to look confident but was obviously nervous. "Sorry for the interruption. Are you and Lieutenant Noonian-Singh discussing what happened after the ceremony? If so, I have information to contribute."
With a severe frown, she told the comm tech, "I don't think you do, ensign." There was no reason for Uhura to wreck her own future.
“I assisted with the evacuation," Uhura said, gaze fixed on Una.
Pike smiled at the chief.
"I know," Una replied. "Do you think I didn't notice Discovery only responded when you were at comms? For the evac to happen, someone had to recall Discovery's crewmen and contact Kyle and Mato. Somehow Discovery always had updated situational information, despite running dark most of the time. You're the only person who could’ve done all that."
"If Uhura did, it was only because I leveraged her into it," she quickly explained.
Uhura defiantly denied, "You did not. No one's going to believe that."
“It's a terrible cover story," Pike agreed, amused.
"Here." Una handed her two data discs, motioned to give one to Uhura. "Those are your official pardons."
"When you informed Captain Batel, she didn't issue a warrant for us?” the ensign asked.
“Since I didn't have any evidence, I didn't have any grounds to inform her," the chief said. "I didn't inform anyone. Those are the identical pardons issued to Discovery's crew, but addressed and endorsed by me. Captain Pike cosigned, since he's not officially cleared for duty yet. They should protect you from legal repercussions if your participation ever comes to light."
“What about the warrants for Discovery's crew?" Uhura asked.
"They were dropped. The crew are going to assist Security Division in determining the reasons behind the attacks and ways to prevent future ones," Pike replied.
She wondered how Batel had been convinced to do that. "Is Tyler still wanted by Section 31?"
The captain shook his head. "The pardon covers everything. Spock said so."
Cornwell must be furious. The idea made her happy.
Pike slid a data stick to her. "Tyler sent this back with me to give you. He said to be careful with it – it's a copy of something Chancellor L'Rell gave him."
Her suspicion flared, but so did her curiosity. Why is he sending me something from the Klingons?
The ‘chime sounded again.
Pike glanced at Una.
“Might as well," the chief said. "Come.”
This time it was Kirk who appeared. The lieutenant strolled in wearing his typical, vaguely arrogant and very annoying smile. "Captain, commander. I was informed Lieutenant Noonian-Singh and Ensign Uhura were here. I thought I'd swing by and see if I could help with anything."
“Do you have something to contribute concerning the attacks or aftermath?" Pike asked.
"Yes, actually," Kirk replied. "Ensign Uhura did an impressive job with communications during the mission. She managed to find methods to reach Discovery when other personnel couldn't, and applied her understanding of the Klingon language so articulately that they didn't dare ignore her. Lieutenant Noonian-Singh utilized her skills with predictive analytics to deconstruct and explain the motivations behind Discovery's crew's behaviors. Her ability to anticipate how they'd react in certain scenarios was accurate and invaluable. I've recommended commendations for them both."
Her skills with predictive analytics apparently didn't apply to Kirk, because she hadn't anticipated he'd do this. Maybe she shouldn't be surprised: she’d consistently been wrong about him since the day they'd met.
“I have to say, lieutenant, I was expecting you to have a different standpoint," Una said, her tone one of pleased suspicion.
Kirk said a few more things before leaving. Around the same time, medical commed Pike to remind him that medication was due; he and Uhura headed to sickbay together.
Only she and Una were left in the room. Drawing a breath, she confessed, "I worked with Kirk on mission objectives for the tac team.“
“You're the security chief. That's your job."
"The real objectives were different from the official ones."
Una's eyes narrowed. "What were the real ones?"
“The team was to locate Captain Burnham and return to Enterprise on the pretense of Discovery's severe response. I provided a safe phrase for Tyler so that when the team was engaged, he'd believe why they were there. They were specifically instructed not to return with anyone else injured at the ceremony, including Captain Pike. They weren't to even consider attempting to take control of the ship."
The chief thought about it. "Who came up with that plan?"
"Kirk. But I readily supported it," she answered honestly. "On my recommendation, he convinced Cornwell and Leland not to include any Section 31 personnel. I hand selected who was on the team. They volunteered for the mission but were ordered to comply with the unofficial objectives, not the official ones."
Again there was a minute or two of silence until Una said, "Did you lie to me about what you thought Discovery's crew would do to a boarding party?"
"No," she assured. "I saw what they did with the Klingon assault team. It was a war crime and violated at least a dozen Starfleet regulations. They knew that before they did it, and they didn't demonstrate any remorse afterwards. If the mission had been conducted other than it was, I've no doubt the entire team would now be dead, and Discovery would still be on the run."
"Then you and Kirk made the right decision." The chief paused, quietly added, "I wish you'd trusted me enough to come to me about it."
She’d wanted to, hadn't because she didn't want to risk Una saying no.
“As I said, you made the right decision. I like to think I’d have recognized that then, too." Una sighed. "I think, somewhere early on, I made a mistake. Maybe I underestimated how much you'd been affected by what happened at the ceremony, or how much you'd bonded with Discovery's crew. Maybe I trusted Cornwell and Command too much. Maybe I was too willing to blindly follow orders, even when I knew they weren't right. I just don't know."
"I trusted Discovery with the injured because of Christine and Tyler. I knew Christine would help them recover, and Tyler would keep them safe until then. If Starfleet could’ve offered that, the evac and what followed never would have happened. You didn't make a mistake." She waited a beat, added, "And I never lied to you. Never once."
Una smiled sadly. "Not with words."
It was a fair point. "I'm the one who made a mistake: I trusted Lampe."
“Lampe." The chief grimaced. "He's been on the ship for months. I never even suspected he was capable of something like this. He was such a good officer, with a promising future ahead of him."
“I completely agree." She'd never seen the vaguest sign of Lampe's true mindset. "He was on recon during the mission to Discovery. We're lucky he didn't try to murder more people, because I think if he'd had the opportunity, he would have."
"I know he would’ve. Thank the universe he wasn't successful with Burnham. Do you know what triggered her miraculous recovery?"
"No," she replied. "Things like that just seem to happen to Burnham. Lauded first officer to mutineer, convict to captain, edge of death to likelihood of recovery – it's all about extremes with her."
"Isn't that the truth," the chief agreed. "You should get some rest. Don't even think about showing up for shift tomorrow. Or the next day."
She hated sick leave. But she did need to rest. After getting to her feet, she asked the question weighing heaviest on her mind. "Are you sure you still want me on Enterprise with you?"
Una smiled. "Why would you even ask me that, La'an."
She made her way to quarters, ready to lie down and relax. Instead she found Kirk waiting outside her doors. There must’ve been a problem with Lampe. "What happened?"
Kirk shook his head, smiled. "Nothing. I just wanted to check in on you, make sure you were alright."
Fantastic. "We're not friends, lieutenant."
"Jim. And yes we are." His smile turned mischievous. "I'll be aboard for a few more rotations. How about we grab a drink sometime."
Rolling her eyes, she went into her quarters.
He laughed. "I'll take that as a yes."
Only after the doors closed did she slowly, reluctantly smile.
xxx
"This isn't a good idea," Tyler told Michael again. He gathered the things she wanted for the trip to the med ship while she sat on the bed. "A few sentences on a data disc don't mean any of us will be safe off ship." History proved she definitely wouldn't be.
"Spock and Kayla need advanced treatment, maybe even surgery. We'll have to risk it," Michael replied. "And the Enterprise officers are ready to go back to their ship."
“I'm not sure that's a good idea, either.” Enterprise had escorted Discovery to the hospital ship, but so had the Cayuga. Michael said that was because Batel wanted to be near Pike; he suspected it was because Starfleet planned to take all of them into custody, or take control of Discovery. Michael, Detmer, Spock, Tilly, Stamets, and Culber were about to head over. He, Christine, and Ayad were going along for "moral support," which was code for “any necessary defense.” Cortez and the rest of the crew would be on alert status, ready to fight or flee at a moment's notice. M'Benga, Pelia, Kyle, and Mato were also transporting to the med ship, but then planned to return to Enterprise.
Michael gestured to the place beside her. He sat down, accepting the silent invitation. Understanding her hadn't always been so easy, but having the bond made things a lot less ambiguous. He didn't have to wonder what she was feeling beneath her emotionless facade; he could feel it. The bond was an entirely different experience than what it’d been like with Voq.
“I know you're worried about doing this, but we're going to have to test the waters sometime," she reasoned. "If Command doesn't intend to honor the pardons, I'd rather know now."
If she and the others didn't need treatment, he'd rather know later. But he could feel her resolve, knew she was committed to doing this; there was no point in trying to change her mind.
"Will you help me change into uniform?" she asked.
She was extremely weak; everything tired her out. Culber and M'Benga had been giving her large amounts of fluids and blood replacement, but it didn't seem to make much of a difference. He'd noticed a reduction in his energy level, too, since the bond’s formation; thinking about what she must’ve felt like before it made him cringe.
A site-to-site transport delivered them to the transporter room. The others were already there, so the place was crowded. Several people had carry-alls. Discovery crewmen were armed; Enterprise people weren't.
"Ready?" Michael asked, surveying the group.
Answers ranged from grimaces to nods. Only Pelia smiled, seemingly unconcerned by the possibilities ahead.
"Let's get to it," Christine said.
He helped Michael up the stairs and to a pad before taking the one next to her. Christine, Spock, and Detmer were going with them in the first group. All of them had phasers, including Christine.
"Energize, Oscar," Michael instructed.
Discovery's transporter room dissolved, reformed into the unfamiliar bulkheads of the med ship. The ship's transporter room was significantly bigger, likely to handle a large volume of incoming wounded. Medical supplies and equipment could be seen behind the long control console, along with two ivory-clad techs.
The techs weren't the only people there to greet them: there were at least half a dozen other medical personnel, as well as Pike, Noonian-Singh, and Uhura. And Cornwell.
"Goddammit," Tilly muttered.
He escorted Michael down the steps, the others following. A dark-haired, olive-skinned man with captain's pips on his white collar stepped forward. "Welcome to the Kangfu, Captain Burnham. It's an honor to have you and your officers aboard. I'm Captain Duran. This is my first officer, Commander V’Ler, the CMO, Dr. Obrey, and the CNO, Lieutenant Greer.” The captain gestured to a Vulcan man, a person from an unknown species, and a human man.
"Thank you for coming, captain," Michael replied. "This is Discovery's first officer, Lieutenant Kayla Detmer, the security chief, Lieutenant Ash Tyler, the CSO, Lieutenant Spock, and the CNO, Nurse Christine Chapel.”
Kangfu’s captain nodded to each person as Michael introduced them, but walked over to stand in front of Christine.
Here we go. He casually dropped his hand to his phaser. Detmer did the same. Michael didn't, but he could feel her wariness; in his mind, the leopard crouched, ready to pounce.
"I'm the only nurse on the ship, not really the CNO," Christine told the captain, smiling.
"You're the first nurse in Starfleet history to take command of a Crossfield class, non-medical vessel." Duran held out his hand. "You made us look good, Nurse Chapel. Or do you go by Lieutenant Chapel now?"
Christine shook the man's hand, sounded flustered when she replied, "Just Christine."
At Michael's nod, he took out his communicator. "Tyler to Discovery. Proceed with transports."
"Copy, Tyler,” Fitshel’s voice replied.
While the next group prepared to transport, Tilly went to Uhura, hugged her. "Nyota! I didn't know you'd be here."
Pike and Noonian-Singh came to him and Michael. "I thought you'd like to see them," Pike smiled.
You thought we'd want to see Cornwell? Sometimes Pike wasn't so bright.
“You were right," Michael nodded.
He looked at Noonian-Singh. "You told them?"
“Commander Chin-Riley advised the captain," Enterprise’s security chief answered, voice lowered so it wouldn't carry. "I don't know about the admiral. Kirk figured it out on his own. No one else was looped in."
“I didn't inform the admiral. Neither did the commander," Pike offered quietly. "I asked Kirk to keep it to himself."
“Thank you," Michael said. Her gaze shifted to Noonian-Singh. "We couldn't have done it without you. I'm grateful."
“Indeed," Spock agreed, stepping closer. "It is highly likely we would have incurred further injury had we remained in the medical facility."
Tilly pulled Uhura over to the small group, said, "I can't thank you guys enough for what you did. Michael would’ve died without you. Maybe the rest of us, too."
"Watch out," Christine muttered, warning of Cornwell's approach.
The group immediately fell silent. Detmer's glare wasn’t diminished by her oxygen mask. Tilly frowned darkly. Spock unflinchingly regarded the admiral. Christine crossed her arms over her chest. He felt Michael's wariness increase; his did the same.
Cornwell’s gaze shifted across the group, settled on Michael. "It's good to see you on your feet, captain. Do you want to wait for the others before heading to the med bays?”
That's it? he thought, suspicious.
XXX
VIII.
Epilogue.
Remember? This was about a woman.
~ Roger Bonair-Agard, from “allegory of the house with no name”
Christine shaded her eyes against the afternoon sunlight. The designers did a good job.
Over two weeks had passed since the Klingon skirmish. The injured had undergone treatment at a medical facility on Vulcan – day treatment only; they'd returned to Discovery every night. The exception to that had been Erica, who'd not regained consciousness for another six days; she’d taken significant damage, but was expected to make a full recovery. Discovery had waited on standby in orbit above the facility. Command had been true to their word: no detainments, no escort vessels, no notices of inquiry. Georgiou had returned to the Section 31 ship early on, much to everyone's relief; it was suspected Lampe had also been transferred there, but no one knew for sure, not even Pike or La'an.
Today Discovery had jumped to Earth, once again joining Enterprise in the same place. A new war memorial had been constructed; tomorrow it’d be open to the public, but a private viewing had been arranged for the two ships’ crewmen this afternoon. Several heated debates had taken place on Discovery to decide whether or not to attend.
"Everyone is free to make their own choice. I'll be attending," Michael had said finally.
"That's not fair. You know if you're going, the rest of us will, too," Paul had retorted.
Ash and La'an had coordinated a plan for the event; sec-tac officers from both ships were posted around the memorial’s perimeter and at places within it before anyone else had been allowed to beam down. The two security chiefs had personally inspected the site for safety; guardedly satisfied, they'd given the all clear. Now people from Enterprise and Discovery were wandering through the warm afternoon sun.
The memorial was creative, if a little avant-garde. It was designed like a maze, except there were tiny narrow paths between the walls. The onyx, mirror-like walls weren't coordinated in any particular fashion, like ascending or descending dates. Each wall represented a single Starfleet ship or group lost during the war; individual names from that ship/group were inscribed on the wall itself. Touching a name triggered a holo of the person to appear, along with info about the person's life. Information and holos about the ship/group as a whole became visible when its name was touched. The memorial sprawled over a large area of emerald grass; at the center of the maze was a delta badge-shaped reflecting pool with onyx benches surrounding it.
Wish the press hadn't been invited. She looked towards the entrance gates, where the majority of reporters waited for their turn at getting pics of the two crews considering the memorial. Three or four were allowed inside at a time; all of them had been instructed to stay away from crewmen. Despite that, several journalists had attempted to speak with Pike and Michael; both La'an and Ash had magically appeared each time to promptly remove the offenders. The whole thing kinda feels like a publicity stunt. Then she saw Ash standing in front of a wall dedicated to the USS Yeager; his hands were balled into fists at his sides as tears slid unchecked down his face.
She meandered through the maze, stopped at more than a few walls to touch a familiar name. Memories of the war had taken a backseat to the ongoing situations Discovery had been shoved into. Now the memories came flooding back, swamped her with sadness and regret and anger. Her hand was clenched tightly around three delta badges: Tracy Pollard, Medic Nygoyen, and Datu Baccay. “Don’t!” Pollard shouts, putting herself between a Terran and a Nausiccan nurse… “Don't you ever not be proud of who you are," Datu says.
Amanda had given her a reading list that first night after the ceremony; she hadn't gotten through most of it, but had found another Ginsburg poem that resonated with her almost as much as his other one.
Strange now to think of you, gone… and I’ve been up all night, talking, talking, reading the Kaddish aloud…wept, realizing how we suffer–
Lorca had prevented her and the rest of Discovery's crew from being where they should’ve been. Silently she told the names, I'm sorry we weren't here to help you. But it wasn't that clear-cut: if Lorca hadn't kidnapped her and Spock, things would be very, very different now. The two equally true views inspired a lot of uncertainty, confliction; choosing one felt like belittling the other.
Cutting between walls, she stopped, brought up short by what she saw. Michael was a little way ahead, stood with head bowed on one of the narrow paths, each of her hands covering a name on separate walls. There were two holos: Captain Georgiou and Saru. Standing on either side of Michael, it almost looked like the two captains were trying to comfort her. Maybe, hopefully, their spirits actually were.
That's it. That's the war. The sight branded itself onto her memory.
What came is gone forever every time…There, rest. No more suffering for you. I know where you’ve gone, it’s good…
"Nurse Chapel."
She knew who was behind her even before she turned around. You gotta be fucking kidding me. Angrily she gestured for Cornwell to follow her away from Michael. With walls between them and the captain's grief, she demanded, "You just don't know when to quit, do you."
The admiral’s expression didn't change from its typical one. "I understand what you're feeling–”
"Wow is that not true."
"–But it's likely we're going to frequently see each other, assuming you intend to stay in Starfleet," Cornwell finished.
Don't hit her, Chapel. Don't do it. She really wanted to. "Of course I'm staying in Starfleet. If we're going to interact, you might as well get used to my attitude right now."
Cornwell regarded her silently for a minute before saying, "Would you like to tell me what's making you so angry?"
Seriously? "You came onto our ship and treated us like crap. You manipulated us into showing up at a ceremony where we got slaughtered. Instead of helping protect the injured, you used Enterprise to chase us all over the quadrant. You convinced Command that Ash was responsible for the attacks and had warrants issued for everyone on the ship. Ring any bells?"
Nodding patiently, the admiral said, "But it's not just that, is it."
Quickly she decided to say, "At the Vedan moon, you ordered Enterprise to attack Discovery. I was thrown into a station console. It caused me to miscarry."
Cornwell had the grace to look ashamed. "I'm sorry."
She almost laughed, she was so angry. "I don't care if you're sorry. That doesn't change anything. I want you to stay the fuck away from me. And if I were you, I'd stay away from Spock and Ash, too. And definitely stay far away from Tilly."
"You know that's not going to happen."
Coming around a distant wall, Spock saw them, swiftly headed over.
"Then whatever happens is on you." She turned away, went to meet Spock. Hugged him. Buried her face against his neck and cried. He didn't ask any questions, just held her.
It felt like a long time before she was ready to stand on her own. "Sorry."
He brushed her hair out of her eyes. "There is no need for remorse. You experienced a tumultuous series of events which many would have been unable to withstand. An emotional response is a logical result."
She felt his total support and understanding. It comforted her more than words ever could’ve. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
They began to make their way out of the maze. A few minutes later, they rounded a corner and came across Ash and Michael. Discovery's captain leaned on the security chief. Ash obviously didn't mind, had an arm around Michael, supportive and kind. Definitely protective. She didn't blame him: Michael had a long way to go before being healthy again.
It's going to take all of us a while to get over this. Since the day Lorca had dragged Discovery to the mirror universe, none of them had gotten a chance to really rest and process. To live without the stress of one dire or potentially dire situation after another. Despite all the awfulness, she was hopeful about the future. We're gonna make it.
"So," Ash said as the four of them continued forward. "Is the wedding back on?"
She smiled.
XXX
“I thought about the meaning of pluralism in a world where the forces that seek to divide us are strong. I came to one conclusion: We have to save each other. It’s the only way to save ourselves.”
~ Eboo Patel
[end]