Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

What awful misery this was.

Lexie could feel nothing but pain as she opened her eyes. Simultaneously, she felt nothing and everything. The pain in her legs, her chest, her head, her… entire body. And at the same time, a strange floating feeling indicated to her that it was all gonna be over soon. She looks around to take her surroundings in, her body somehow not panicked over the fact that the plane that was supposed to take them to Boise had crashed… and one of the wings of it directly on top of Lexie’s body, the reason for her untimely death. She mentally checked her symptoms, squeezing her eyes at the pain. 

Tachycardic. Short of breath.

The more she tries to take deeper breaths, the more she falls into panic. She balls her hands into fists with the little strength she has, feeling leaves, branches and small stones digging into her bloody skin. She exhales loudly before gathering her strength to somehow move her legs and gasps in surprise when she can’t feel them, at all. It’s painful to lift her head just a bit to look down but all she can see is the big wing of the plane covering her downwards from her stomach. She sighs softly and shuts her eyes, grateful to the inner feeling in her gut that’s telling her that she will be gone soon enough. She tries her best to crane her neck and look around but notices that no one is in her small window of vision. She makes a silent prayer and hopes that everyone else somehow miraculously survived and aren’t in the same position she is.

She’s unsure of whether it takes minutes or hours or days but eventually, she hears noises. She blinks as she tries to listen out to the different voices talking in the far distance and looks around, spotting her seatbelt hanging next to her. She takes it into her hand and starts to loudly hit it against the metal of the plane. She knows that with her potential spinal injury, her impending headaches and probably broken arm, there would not be much that could be done but certainly not with the wing of the plane on her. No, she had met fate, she knew this was going to be the end, even if she didn’t want it to.

But Lexie Grey so rarely got what she wanted.

She hears the footsteps and voices come closer and she sighs deeply, glad to at least be able to say goodbye to someone. She couldn’t make out who it was or how many people, only that Meredith, her big sister, was one of them and that she was shouting out for Derek desperately. She makes another silent prayer and hopes that he will be okay, that Derek will be fine to help Meredith live through the grief of losing her sister… If she ever cared that much about Lexie.

The grim reaper had her questioning too many insecurities buried deep inside her heart.

As if it couldn’t get worse, it was the person she loved the most on this planet that laid down on one level with her and looked at her with so much worry, love and concern that had her gut twisting. She had hoped that out of everyone, it wasn’t Mark that would find her, that his last image of her wouldn’t be her last moments but his happy memories with her. She can barely look into his eyes as he leans down and checks her pulse, whispering her name like it was sacred, protected and so close to his heart. She even wished that his last memory could be of her awkward, heartfelt confession to him that he never got the chance to respond to… but that wish wouldn’t be granted to her.

Another version of her might have told him that she knew he would show up. But this version of Lexie Grey knew a bit better about how hopeless her survival chances were

“How is she?” Meredith asks, clearly in concern.

“She’s awake and responsive.” He only turns to Meredith for a split second before his eyes are back on me. “How you doing in there?” Lexie can’t help but stare at him, wanting to memorize everything about him. How different but still uniquely handsome he looked without his beard, how much the blue in his eyes comforted her or how concerned he seemed over me. Lexie swallows the lump in her throat barely as she looks at him. 

“I… I…” She’s barely able to form any words, her head delirious. “Mark…”

“Shh… It’s okay, baby. Good girl. We’ll get you outta here, okay?” Mark tries his best to hold it together, to not break out in panic at the sight of her. She can only look at him, unable to form a coherent sentence but the warmth and comfort of his voice soothes me, like a lullaby soothes a child. It convinces her that despite him never giving her an answer on her love confession for him, that he still loves her the way she loves him. The way she has always loved him.

Maybe this is also the grim reaper nagging at my insecurities right before I die.

Lexie goes back to fiddling with the leaves around her as Mark stands up, telling Meredith and Cristina about the symptoms she had already diagnosed herself. Meredith goes off to find Derek and the fuzzy cloud in her head that had started as small in the back of her mind was now growing bigger and preventing her from calling out to Meredith to say goodbye, knowing that she would never find Derek quickly enough to get back to me. She squeezes her eyes, a single tear running down her bloody cheek as she gives out a mental goodbye to her big sister, a person she had so desperately wanted to build a good relationship with. 

She wants to get up and scream at Mark to stop, to let go of the illusion that he and Cristina could get her out from under the plane wing and potentially worsen their own injuries. Her eyes squeeze shut at the painful sound of Cristina yelling when Mark pops her arm back into her shoulder. Lexie feels so powerless as they both position themselves and with all their power try to move the plane off of me, the big piece of metal very clearly too strong for them to lift, especially with Cristina only being able to use one arm. She sighs and closes her eyes, knowing it was no use as they keep trying. Cristina kneels down in front of her with a serious expression.

“Lexie, run it down for me.”

She knows what the older woman was doing. She was trying to judge whether getting her out from under the plane wing would be worth it. Lexie’s breathing had worsened along with the inevitable tears that had come, feeling herself closer to the edge of humanity than ever before.

“My legs and my pelvis are crushed. I can’t feel my other arm so I’m not sure it’s even there anymore. And… my chest feels like it’s gonna exlpode… probably a massive hemothorax.”

Lexie sees the shift in Cristina’s eyes and if the younger Grey sister didn’t know better, she would think that Cristina had tears in her eyes. Lexie’s brown eyes look into hers, conveying that she knows her fate and that it won’t take much longer. Mark is next to Cristina, mumbling about getting oxygen from the plane, water, fluids and tubes, clearly in denial and not wanting to believe the reality of things. Cristina looks at him in pity and Lexie shakes her head, sobbing lightly as Mark frowns and asks why she’s not doing anything. 

“M-Mark…” Her voice is so weak and powerless. “It won’t help.”

“You are gonna be fine, okay?” Mark leans down and his conviction and stubbornness would have almost convinced her if she didn’t know any better. "Stop. You’re gonna be fine. Go, get ‘em!”

He leans back again and Cristina leans down to me, her eyes conveying the same thing Lexie had known since she had woken up under the plane. Lexie’s teeth clatter at the cold, her face bloody and bruised as he looks up at Cristina. In that moment, all the interactions and moments she had ever had with her big sister’s best friend ran through her head and the sad smile she gave her almost made Lexie cry. Even if she was a cold and aloof person for most of the time she had known her, she was a brilliant doctor and a good teacher at times. Lexie sighs deeply and reaches for Cristina to come closer, not wanting to freak Mark out more with her words. Cristina leans down under the plane to her as she whispers.

“Please… take care of Mer for me. Tell her I love her.” Tears stream down her face as she says those words and Cristina clearly has to brace herself, tears in her eyes as well. Lexie tries her best to smile, knowing that her sister would suffer from the grief of losing Lexie and potentially Derek but Cristina would be there, thankfully. She nods and leans back up, trying her best to smile to avoid more tears.

“I’m gonna be right back.” The last words Lexie would ever hear from Cristina as the older woman now stands up and walks away, clearly unable to look at Lexie any longer. Meanwhile, she feels the pain all over her body get increasingly worse, like a parasite that's spreading everywhere, like an uncontrollable wildfire. Mark leans back down to her, smiling and clearly not wanting to realize the severity of the situation. He whispers sweet things to her, tells her that she’s doing good and that Cristina will be back soon. She can feel her strength vanishing with every second so she tries her best to look at him.

“Mark…” He keeps babbling on and looks behind him as if to see if Cristina was coming back. Lexie sighs deeply, panting now due to the damages on her chest and lungs. She doesn’t want to burst his bubble but she knows she doesn’t have much time left if she wants to say her last words.

“Mark, I’m dying.” His head turns back to her, his beautiful face marred in concern and disbelief. She wants to reach out and caress his cheek and feel his lips one last time on hers, to feel the sparks that she had never felt with any other man she had kissed but not even that would be granted to them.

“What? No, you’re not.”

“I am.” Lexie pants heavily, the exploding feeling she had recounted to Cristina earlier getting worse, as if drowning her and stuffing cotton in her ears. Her arm flails as she tries to grab him and she wants to cry at how much everything hurts, wants to curl up into a ball like a little child and cry. She wants comfort from her person, from the only man that she believes she might have ever truly loved. She has to stop herself from sobbing because it makes the pain in her chest so much worse with every minute. She’s in excruciating pain, she’s cold, she’s dying and all she wants is for Mark to hold her hand. 

“Tell… Tell Meredith that… I love her so much… and that…  she was a good sister…  regardless of what she thinks…” Lexie’s voice feels so heavy, the pressure on her chest and body unbearable and in that moment, she would rather die than live for another moment if it meant that she could let go of this pain. But when she refocuses her eyes on Mark and sees his loving, scared gaze on her, she snaps back and remembers to at least spend her final moments with him.

“Make sure Derek’s okay. Tell him he… he was a big brother to me. And… tell Zola… that I love her so much…”

“You’re not dying. You’re gonna be fine.” Lexie can see in Mark’s eyes that he is still in disbelief, despite his own efforts to lift the plane or having heard me recount my symptoms to Cristina. It makes her believe that despite the ups and downs over the years, there might still be a chance that he loves her. She weakly gestures to her hand and moves it towards him.

“Mark. I’m sorry but… this is it. Please, hold my hand.”

“I’m not holding your hand because you’re not dying. Do you hear me? You don’t die today.” The look in his eyes is stern, almost as if he was reprimanding me like a child. If she had the strength, she would love nothing more than to throw a stick at him and to yell and scream at him to hold her hand and be there in her final moments, give her an answer to her confession from a few days ago or just tell her that he loves her, just so she can rest peacefully. Instead, Mark stands up and once again tries to move the piece of the plane and it only makes Lexie sob more when it doesn’t move by even an inch. Mark pants heavily as he rests on the wing for a moment and Lexie cries bitterly, her heart aching as he finally realizes that it’s over, that even if Cristina came back with all the supplies that they would never get her out from under there to help her in time. Mark finally lies back down to me and grips my hand tightly and she squeezes it with the last bit of strength she still has, whimpering softly as she sees the pain and fear in Mark’s eyes. Tears stream down the side of her face and the fuzziness in her head tells her she doesn’t have more than a few minutes.

“I love you. I do, I love you.” The conviction in Mark’s eyes at those words gives Lexie a little bit of peace of mind.

“You don’t… have to say it… just because I did.” She looks at him remorselessly, her emotional confession now feeling so useless in the grand scheme of things. Why didn’t they get their shit together? Why did she let the commitments to daughters in Mark’s life stop her from being with him? Because she wasn’t ready? She couldn’t have known in those moments that her life would end so quickly at such a young age but if she had known, she would have never let any of these things stop her. She would have done it all with him, moved in with him, married him, had babies of their own… 

“I love you. I’ve always been in love with you. I will always be in love with you.” Lexie’s dying heart still manages to flutter at his words and she knows by the tone of his voice, the look in his eyes that he means it. She wants to grab his cheek, feel his shaved jawline and the stubbles growing back underneath, his soft skin and his lips on hers one last time and lets out a few more tears when she realizes that she can’t. 

“Which is why you have to stay alive. We… We’re gonna get married. And you’re gonna make an amazing surgeon. And we’re gonna have two or three kids. A sister and two brothers.” Mark’s words make Lexie sink into a dreamworld, imagining herself at her own wedding with him, imagining their little kids and a domestic life together. She feels so stupid now to have run away from that when it was handed to her on a silver platter.

“So… Sofia can… have siblings…” She sees the light in Mark’s eyes, the desperate smile on his face and remembers why she loves the man in front of him so much. Now, in the face of death, it all feels simple to admit that he's the love of her life and that she wants nothing more than a future with him.

Note to myself for my next life; never waste time on stupid arguments and not feeling ready for the next step. Never.

“We’re gonna be happy, Lex. You and me? We’re gonna have the best life, Lexie. We’re gonna be so happy. So you can’t die, okay? You can’t leave me. Because we’re supposed to end up together. We’re meant to be. Like… like soulmates.”

The fuzziness in her head gets worse but she hangs onto every word like a lifeline, her heart feeling so warm, either from his words or from her impending death. She smiles weakly, her grip on his hand slowly loosening as she feels the floatiness take over. She sends one last silent prayer to every person that he has ever meant something to and hopes they will take care of Mark for her. 

“Meant to be. My… my soulmate.” She wants her last words to be just for him, hoping he can at least balm his grief with them when he makes it out of here. Her grip on his hand is now gone, her vision getting blurry with tears and the last thing she sees is his face, his beautiful face, looking at her with so much love and care. A single tear drop leaves her eye as her soul finally leaves her body and she’s free from the pain. 

You can’t change anyone’s fate but your own.

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Lexie usually wakes up slowly. Most of the time, it’s outside noises, the cars on the street or the birds chirping outside of her window waking her up like a soft lullaby. 

That was not the case today.

Lexie woke up with a loud gasp and immediately sat up straight in her bed. She breathes heavily and blinks a few times, so confused and disoriented as she looks around and realizes that she’s in… the attic. Her old room in Meredith’s house. She blinks in confusion and looks down at herself, lifting her shirt up to see no redness on her chest. She moves both her arms and legs, noting that she can move all her limbs. She blinks in confusion.

Didn’t I just… die? Weren’t we in a forest after a plane crash on our way to Boise? And I died holding Mark’s hand? And there was a voice in the back of my head before I died… You can’t change anyone’s fate but your own. What does that even mean?

She stands up and walks around her room a bit as she stares down at her toes, needing to use her legs to make her brain realize that she can walk and doesn’t have a massive spinal injury. She sees that the sun is slowly rising out of her window and glances at her nightstand, seeing that it was just before 5 AM, the time that her alarm would go off. She glances down at her old flip phone next to it and rushes over to it, gasping loudly when she sees the date on her phone. 

September 25th, 2008.

Lexie holds a hand in front of her mouth, her brain trying to comprehend what this meant. This was the date of her second year as an intern… and four years before the plane crash and her death. She stares off into the distance as she tries to understand what had just happened.

Did I just time travel?

Chapter Text

Everything is strange.

Absolutely everything. From the way her alarm beeps to wake her up, to the noises of people downstairs to the fact that Lexie is alive.

It shouldn’t be possible, should it? That couldn’t have been a dream? If it was a dream… was everything else before that a dream? How could she know? 

Lexie bites her lip in confusion and runs her fingers through her hair absentmindedly but then stills. She softly feels for her dark, natural hair on her scalp, noticing its softness and how healthy it was. After she had dyed it blonde and back to brown, her hair had taken a hit in its usual health and she had never quite gotten it back to the state that she had it in before, despite various hair products she tried. This indicated to her that she was seemingly and terrifyingly sent back in time.

But why?

Was it punishment for her? To relive everything she had gone through? To be forced to lose Mark again, get back with him and then lose him again before ultimately being involved in that plane crash again and to die before she could even turn thirty?

You can’t change anyone’s fate but your own.

She remembers the voice in the back of her head in the last moment of her life, the voice that seemingly held the only answer she had for now. She sighs deeply, feeling a headache form. Would it mean that she could change her fate and make sure she wouldn't die from the plane crash? If so, why was she sent back in time so far out? Four whole years before it even happened? She stills at that thought, gasping softly.

Mark.

She thinks back on how their relationship started and it was right there, in her second year. Was she given a chance to save her relationship with him and her own life in the process? She had no idea but her heart ached, remembering the tears and desperation in Mark’s voice when she was gone. She takes a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. She had to get ready to go to the hospital.

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Everything is getting even stranger.

Lexie feels a bit like she was walking into a museum. The hospital didn’t look that much different since before… or after? The strange thing was the people she encountered, people that she knew would be gone soon. She had stumbled upon George when she got changed in the locker room and almost gasped in shock at seeing him. She remembered the words in the back of her mind and revised all the time travel movies she had seen and already put a lock on an attempt to try and save George from his death in a few months. 

It might sound mean and harsh and unlike Lexie, the sweet, good-hearted Lexie that would always try to help everyone… but this chance was for her. She was sent back in time to save herself and her relationship with Mark and she was taking absolutely zero chances. She also encountered Izzie who had greeted her sweetly. She knew Izzie would leave at some point as well but knew that would happen after George’s death so she still had time to somehow say goodbye to her, thankful that at least she wasn’t going to die.

It had been strange to see Meredith and Derek in the kitchen earlier that morning, eating breakfast together and talking about moving in. It took everything in her not to hug both of them and cry from relief at seeiing them alive and well so she had simply wished a good morning to both of them and left for the hospital quickly after. It was even stranger to work for a couple of hours and go through the same day she had already gone through once… like a deja vu, except she knew it wasn’t. It was the same day, the same exact routine she had lived through before. 

She had spent a couple of hours working when she came upon the nurse’s station where Miranda, Meredith, Derek, Cristina, Erika, Izzie, Alex and Mark were standing, impatiently waiting for the rankings of teaching hospitals in the country. She stills when she sees Mark and sighs, unable to stop the smile forming on her face. Even though she knew that he had to be fine, it was different to see him again now and not have his heartbroken, worn out crying face be the last image in her head. He had his salt and pepper hair and beard, visibly younger by a few years and so handsome and attractive as he had always been to her. 

The doctors huddle around the screen and are visibly and audibly complaining about the ranking of Seattle Grace Hospital. She smiles and shakes her head in amusement as she walks past them, somewhat happy to be in a reality where that was the only worry the hospital had. She walks into George per chance who talks her ear off about retaking his intern test and she has a faint memory of this being the time where she was madly crushing on him and missing opportunities for surgeries just to help him study. She mentally makes a note to throw that all out of the window and even if she didn’t want to test fate by doing so many things differently, she could allow herself to not act like a high school girl running after her crush for George. Plus, she couldn’t imagine herself running after him when she now knew she would be with the love of her life sooner or later, even if he didn’t know it yet.

Good god, I sound like a psycho.

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It was a few hours later as most of them were treating the three wives and their husbands from a car crash with limousines that she found herself in an exam room with Mark and George. She found it hard to be so close to the man she already loved so much whilst he barely spared her a glance.

George had trouble getting the tube down the left bronchus and Mark eventually got annoyed with him and sent him to check on the OR. Unlike the first time, Lexie refrains from saying anything and simply watches as George leaves the room. She glances away, still wanting to pick up a conversation just to hear his voice and have his eyes on her. 

“You know, you’re a little mean to George.” She glances down and watches him work, inserting the tube perfectly as she holds it up.

“You’re an intern. Why are you talking to me?” Lexie remembers that even back then, the tone of his voice and his intense blue eyes made the hair on her arms stand and swallow the lump in her throat but now? His condescending tone almost made her want to jump him and climb him like a tree. She diverts her gaze, unable to look at him any longer. 

“You’re my sister’s boyfriend’s best friend, so I…” 

“You thought that would make us friends?”

No, it makes me the love of your life, you dumbass. Your soulmate!

“You thought that you’d defend your boyfriend to me and I’d just take it?”

“He’s not my boyfriend. God no.” She lets out a small chuckle at the notion, knowing that the first time around she was lying to him but now was telling the truth.

“But you want him to be.”

“Do not.

“Do too.”

“Do not.”

“Do too. Does he know?”

“Shut up!” The teasing and bickering back and forth had her suppressing a smile, the easiness and lightheartedness of their current dynamic taking her mind off of the still traumatic experience of the plane crash. 

“I’m your attending, you can’t tell me to shut up. You want me to be nicer to O’Malley? Confess your love to him and I’ll think about it.” She doesn’t miss the teasing smile on his lips and it makes her heart sing. She throws her gloves away and smiles lightly.

“I have nothing to confess to him. If I liked him, I would let him know.” Her eyes are truthful and genuine as she speaks, a conviction in her eyes that had never been there before, the mistakes of a future self having scared her.

“Really?” Mark still sounds slightly unconvinced but doesn’t seem so sure anymore of Lexie’s feelings towards George. She puts her hands into the pockets of her lab coat and nods, looking up at him softly.

“Yeah. Because if you love someone, you tell them. Even if you’re scared that it’s not the right thing. Even if you’re scared that it’ll cause problems. Even if you’re scared that it will burn your life to the ground. You say it… and you say it loud.”

The look in Mark’s eyes had shifted into something soft, as if he was seeing her in a new light. She quickly looks away, realizing that it might’ve been strange to say something so deeply romantic to him. She keeps forgetting that he doesn’t know yet how deep their bond will go. 

“I, uh, I’ll go check on the OR.” She clears her throat and nearly trips over herself to leave the room hurriedly, her heart beating as she closes the door behind her.

God, she thinks. It’s so hard to hold back my love for him and to know he doesn’t see me that way yet.

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An hour later, Mark, George and Lexie are in the OR to operate on the patient. George and Lexie were on one side and Mark on the other, the surgeon’s face clearly in a frown.

“Crap. His vocal cords are damaged beyond repair.”

“Is there anything we can do?” Lexie asks curiously despite knowing the answer.

“Probably won’t talk again.” Lexie rolls her eyes at George intercepting and Mark doesn’t miss it, hiding the smile under his mask. Lexie can see it anyway by the way his eyes crinkle and she has to look away to keep herself sane. Mark and George bicker back and forth and she rolls her eyes once more.

“Dr. Sloan.”

“I’m sorry, Little Grey, was there something you wanted to say to anyone here?” Her heart skips unexpectedly as she remembers that the first time around, he hadn’t called her Little Grey in that moment and that his nickname for her didn’t come until later. Her brown eyes look up into his blue ones, unable to hide the softness in her gaze.

“No. Not at all.” She smiles softly at him and she can see that he’s smiling back, choosing not to say anything else. The operation has a few more complications but the patient is stable at the end of it as they finish up. Lexie scrubs out and walks out of the OR, exhausted from her long shift even though it wasn’t over yet.

She joins Alex and George in her patient’s room, reading out his emotional letter to his wife as they are both clearly overwhelmed with emotion. She sighs as she watches his wife walk away from her, her endless need to want to help always popping out.

Alex and George leave the room and Lexie walks over to his side with the chart in hand, monitoring his vitals and smiling politely at him.

“Well, you look pretty stable, which is good because I can’t let you go into your next surgery unless you’re feeling strong and stable, okay? It happens, people make mistakes. They sleep with the wrong person and they hide it but if you ask me it’s the part that comes after that matters, the part where you make it right. And I think you’re off to a good start.” She smiles politely at him and Michael, the patient, is able to give her a small smile back.

At least one person that I could help.

Lexie finally gets changed out of her scrubs and into her normal clothes and drives home. She spots Meredith and Derek carrying boxes inside and realizes that Derek must be moving in. He spots her just as she comes up the stairs of the porch.

“Hey, Dr. Shepard. Can I help?” She smiles sweetly and misses the brotherly relationship she had formed with him over the years, one she doesn’t have with him yet. Overall, she misses her friends she had before… or will have in the future? As the merger hasn’t happened yet and she hasn’t met Jackson and April yet. And since she is currently not fawning over George or living with him, she really has no one else to talk to.

“Please, it’s Derek when we’re home. And no, Mer and me just finished.” He smiles friendly at her and Lexie nods. He looks at her for a moment as if he can sense a certain sadness on her.

“You okay?” His voice shows genuine concern and it hits her once more that at this point, he still cares more about her than her own big sister. She swallows the lump in her throat and nods quickly.

“Yeah, of course. Uh, I’ll… go up to my room. Goodnight Derek.” She rushes inside and practically bolts up the stairs, not even spotting Meredith in her bedroom who looks up in surprise at Lexie’s quick escape. She’s up in her attic room very quickly and breathes out a sigh of relief as she slides down the floor, tears streaming down her face. It had been very hard and heavy on Lexie to act normal the entire day, to not act like the trauma of the plane crash had weighed so heavily on her when it hadn’t even happened in the reality she lives in. She feels so sad and lonely, and has no one to turn to as her sister could currently not care less about her and the man she loved so badly, her soulmate, currently sees her as nothing but an intern. She cries to herself silently, for the first time wishing that maybe, she should have never been brought back to the living.

Chapter Text

It wasn’t getting better.

Lexie felt a little bit like she was drowning. From barely getting any sleep because of constant nightmares to consistently feeling alone to having no one to talk to about her increasingly difficult to handle PTSD. She was still going by the rule book, doing most of the things that she did before but time seemed to go by agonizingly slow. Every little interaction she has with Mark feels like a liferaft to her, as if she was clinging onto his every word and glances like it was holding her up and keeping her from breaking down. She knew that it was definitely not healthy for her to form such an attachment to him but how could she not? When the same man, the future version of him, held her hand when she died and promised to marry her and have her children? That they were meant to be and even soulmates? Lexie was a strong woman but not even she was strong enough to fight against such attachment.

She now sits by the bar at Joe’s, wanting a drink or two (or maybe three) to make her hopefully sleep a bit better tonight. It had been a good day as she successfully diagnosed a patient’s very rare condition with Mark’s help and was offered to scrub in with him. She took him up on his offer as she was definitely not doing George’s work as chief intern but the flood at the hospital prevented them from surgery. Regardless, she got to spend time with Mark today and that counts as a win in her book.

She could count down to the second when Mark comes into the bar and takes a seat next to her. She glances up shyly and directly looks back down, the setting of the bar feeling so different than in the hospital where she’s the intern and he’s the attending. She takes a sip from her third drink of the night, the fear of becoming an alcoholic in the back of her mind lingering as she notices that she sleeps better when she drinks and looks at Mark who’s studying her intently.

“Karev told me you have a photographic memory. That how you found out Mr. Patmore’s condition?” She smiles lightly and nods.

“Yeah, it is.”

“Alright then. Periodic table, go.” Lexie smiles at his words, already knowing he would say this and had brushed up on them just before he had come into the bar. She smiles as she names as many elements as she can and his impressed smile and chuckle makes her heart swell the same way it did the first time around. He orders a scotch for himself and she orders another martini, knowing she would have to take a cab home. 

Anything to make myself sleep tonight.

Her brows raise as she overhears Cristina and Izzie arguing about an apartment since Izzie is concerned about being kicked out of Meredith’s place. She sighs as she turns back, drinking her martini a bit faster than what was probably appropriate.

“I’d feel bad for her but considering Mer and Derek seem to be finally getting their shit together, I don’t.” She blinks up at Mark at his words and sighs, considering them.

“Yeah, I guess. It hasn’t been easy for them. Although I hope they kinda forget I live there too in the attic and just let me stay where I am.” She sips her drink and Mark looks at her in amusement.

“You live in their attic?”

“Yeah, I do. I used to live in this ratty apartment with George but…” She visibly shivers at the thought and it draws out a laugh from Mark, making her heart soar. “I couldn’t stay there. So Mer let me stay up there.”

“I’m sure she would let you stay regardless. The others are roommates but you’re her sister.” She sighs, looking down at the wood of the bar to distract herself from the sadness in her heart at the thought of her current relationship with her sister.

“Ah, I’m not sure she sees it that way. I’m hoping I can get Derek on my side since he seems to like working with me.” Her words are self deprecating and she downs her martini, hoping to drink away her thoughts and pain. She doesn’t need to look up at Mark to know that he’s studying her.

“You two still not getting along?” There was genuine curiosity in his voice and Lexie knew there was just a hint of concern there.

“Meh. I mean, we get along in the same way colleagues get along… but definitely not sisters or family.” She sips on her drink, certainly now feeling the effect of the booze in her system and sighs deeply. Her tipsiness was definitely bordering on being drunk now and she should definitely just go home and sleep. She takes cash out of her purse to pay for her drinks and a tip and takes her jacket, turning to Mark as she gets up.

“I’ll get going now, I got rounds tomorrow.” It takes her effort to put her jacket on with all the alcohol she had in her system and before she knew it, Mark was behind her and helping her into it with an amused smile on his face.

“You’re definitely too drunk to drive on your own.”

“Oh, I’ll just get a cab.” Mark looks at her contemplatively and shakes his head.

“I’ll drive you home.”

Lexie looks up at him in surprise. She tries to wreck her brain as to what to say, as if she was searching for the script in her head. It occurred to her that the first time around, Mark had never offered to drive her home because she only had one drink and could drive home by herself. She swallows the lump in her throat.

“Oh no, no, I… I’ll get a cab, it’s fine.”

“And I’m taking you home.” The way his tone leaves no room for discussion nearly has her dizzy so she simply nods. They leave the bar together and walk to Mark’s car, a modern silver sports car that she’s familiar with. She gets into the passenger seat and he starts the drive to Meredith’s house. She looks out of the window, feeling herself get sleepier by the minute. She forces herself to stay awake, not wanting to fall asleep in Mark’s car.

Thankfully, he gets to the house quickly and Lexie gets out of the car, thanking him.

“Lexie?” She leans back down to him through the open car door as he calls her name. His blue eyes study her face for a few seconds as she looks at him curiously, noting the barely there smile on his lips.

“Have a good night.” She raises her brows and smiles in amusement, knowing he didn’t call her back just for that but to stare at her face. Her smile somehow gets brighter.

“Goodnight, Mark.” She closes the door and turns to the house and quickly gets in, noting how Mark didn’t start driving away until he watches her close the door behind her. The house was quiet and dark and she made quick work of going upstairs to her room. She sheds her clothes quickly and lays down in her bed, the alcohol and Mark’s recent presence just now making her sleep so much easier than before. She sighs deeply and wonders how many more nights she will have to live this way until she can sleep in his arms again where she always slept best.

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As she goes through the usual routine of day in, day out hospital days that she’s lived through before, all the unanswered questions still linger on her mind. Why was I sent back in time? Would things happen differently here? How do I make sure Mark and I don't break apart in this timeline?

It truly did a number on Lexie’s brain which was hard to do considering she had her Lexipedia saved in there. Yet, she didn’t understand anything about the whole situation since it was so bizarre and had no logic to it which is why Lexie couldn’t solve it like a normal problem. She thought hard in her head about everything that would happen.

The interns would sooner or later start practicing on themselves and then operate on Sadie, wrongfully, and she had determined to not join them so she wouldn’t be banned from an OR. Arizona and Callie would soon start dating each other. Izzie gets her diagnosis and marries Alex and George dies.

And somewhere in between that, her and Mark start dating.

Lexie sighs to herself at the complexity of the situation. She’s thought about so much and so little at the same time, especially for the rest of her future. What would happen when Sloan showed up and had her baby and ultimately left Mark to grapple with having a daughter and grandson and losing them again? Would she have to break up with him when she now knew that she didn’t want to? And what about Mark and Callie having sex one time somewhere in between that and Callie being pregnant with Sofia?

Lexie wanted to cry from how overwhelmed she felt. She had no idea how she would be able to willingly break up with Mark at some point but she knew that she couldn’t just not let Sofia happen. She takes a deep breath to calm herself down and decides to put those thoughts away for later when she would get there. Not how she usually handled things as she likes to plan and organize but she allowed herself some slack in this situation.

She went up to the station desk where Callie had paged her but couldn’t find her when she looked around. She asked the nurses and a fellow intern who let her know she was in one of the on call rooms. She nodded thankfully and  was grateful this time around to be doing something useful unlike in the past where she had been too busy with crushing on George to focus on cases and patients. She knocks on the door a few times, hearing a few noises that she can’t quite make out. She clears her throat.

“Uh, Dr. Torres? Are you in there? You paged me!” Lexie really didn’t want to just open the door and barge in on what Callie was doing - presumably with Dr. Hahn as she remembers that they briefly had a thing before her and Arizona started dating. She hears hushed voices talking to each other and sees Callie wrapped up in the blanket of the beds of the on call room. Lexie’s eyes go wide and she looks away and hears Callie telling her to do an X-ray scan on a patient when she catches the back of his hand from the corner of the room. His salt and pepper hair and the back of his neck are all she sees before Callie closes the door again and she can hear faint laughter as hears the creak of the old beds in the room. Lexie is glued to her spot, tears forming in her eyes as her heart feels like it’s beating at an unhealthy pace and also breaking all at the same time. She closes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself.

She finally moves again and makes sure to get the X-ray done of the elderly woman who came in for an injured leg. She’s thankfully done quickly and when she sees that she has no other tasks as of right now, she quickly disappears into an empty closet and locks the door behind her. She finally allows herself to cry miserably, trying to keep her sobbing silent as she keeps replaying the image of Callie and Mark in the on-call room.

God, I’m so pathetic. So dumb and stupid and pathetic.

She couldn’t even be mad at Mark because at this point, nothing had happened between them yet. She couldn’t be hurt by his behavior, she couldn’t rationally make him responsible for this… but her heart and her love for Mark didn’t know logic. She was there, loving and missing him from the beginning when he didn’t even know what he would feel for her yet… and what if he never did? What if in Lexie’s efforts to change their fate, she messed up so much that Mark would never love her the way she already loves him?

She couldn’t help herself and let her mind drown in those terrible, terrible thoughts. Lexie never thought that she would have depression but the circumstances have changed a lot of things, especially her mental state. She closes her eyes, still sobbing softly as she roughly wipes her tears away, doing her best to stay positive to herself but failing miserably. She just shakes her head and makes sure her face is dry of tears, the sleeve of her lab coat wet with them. She takes another deep breath and stands up, opening the door to leave when Meredith is suddenly in front of her. Her older sister looks at her in surprise and for a split second frowns in concern.

“Hey, just wanted to get an IV kit. You okay?” Meredith asks, clearly seeing that Lexie had been crying.

“Yeah, sure. I gotta go, see you later.” Lexie quickly escapes the room and hopes Meredith will forget about her downright sad puppy face and swollen red eyes. She quickly makes her way back to Cristina, hoping to forget what she saw and busy herself with work.

Anything so I don’t have to think.

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Somehow, seeing Mark run after Cristina the whole day wasn’t as heartbreaking as she thought it would be. 

She remembered that he was only doing this because Derek put him on it, to put a stop to Meredith and Cristina’s late night calls and discussions. No, Mark trying to woo Cristina didn’t hurt Lexie because she knew Cristina would never bother with Mark.

What hurt her more was the reminder of Meredith and Cristina’s close relationship.

It was stupid. The fact that it bothered her then and bothers her now is so fucking stupid but Lexie can’t help it. She wants to be closer to her big sister, she wants Meredith to come to her the same way she goes to Cristina. She feels so alone since she’s been distancing herself from the other interns who are organizing their cutter circle in the basement. Besides, she doesn’t want to be friends with any of them, not since she knows that almost all of them won’t be there anymore next year. So she distances. Not hard when barely anyone seems to care about her but she does it regardless. She still does her work excellently, still helps whenever it’s needed but she doesn’t talk to anyone privately, only goes to Joe’s bar to drown herself full of alcohol until she can sleep and ignore the nightmares about her own death. She knows she should stop before she turns out like her father but it’s hard to stop when she doesn’t have a person.

She has a person but he doesn’t know yet that he’s her person and it’s slowly killing her inside.

The next morning, she’s up early since she’s the one who leaves the house earliest for early rounds, everyone else waking up around an hour after her. After a shower and getting dressed, she’s surprised to find Derek sitting by the table in his pajamas and a cup of coffee.

“Oh, good morning, Derek. You’re up early.” He shoots her a friendly smile and she’s appreciative of how nice he always is to her.

“Hey. Yeah, I couldn't sleep. There’s coffee if you want.” Lexie nods sweetly and takes a cup since she definitely needs it and sits down next to him.

“I wanted to talk to you, Lexie.” She looks up at him in surprise as she sips her coffee.

“Oh, about what?” She looks at him curiously and waits for him to speak, his gaze clearly showing concern.

“I… It’s just a thing I’ve noticed and I don’t wanna bother you with it but… are you okay?” His tone is genuine and his eyes show worry, making Lexie’s heart beat nervously.

“Uh, yeah, sure. Why?” Derek sighs.

“I just… You’ve been quiet lately and… Mer told me not to worry but you know how she is… Sometimes, I can hear you crying upstairs. I know you’re out until late at Joe’s and… drinking a lot. And I know you don’t mean for anyone to hear or see that but I have trouble sleeping so I see it. Sounds like you have nightmares sometimes. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that you can talk to me, yknow? I know it’s not always easy between Mer and you but that doesn’t have to apply to you and me. I see you as part of my family.” She blinks at him in surprise, not having expected that. She clears her throat and tries to gather her thoughts… and also tries not to cry at Derek telling her he considers her part of his family.

“I, uh… I’m fine, Derek. Really, I promise. I just have trouble sleeping sometimes. But thank you for your concern, it’s very sweet.” She looks down at her watch and downs her coffee, quickly putting it in the sink and grabbing her bag.

“See you at work, bye!” She practically flees from the house and into her car, quickly driving away. A few minutes away from the house, she stops at the side of the road and just cries of what must be buckets of tears. It hadn’t been easy at all since her… weird time travel thing so to hear that someone cared, even if it wasn’t the person she wanted to hear it from the most, was so comforting and heart breaking that it made her cry. She only starts to calm down after ten minutes and another five for her to wipe her tears away and be able to drive the rest of the way to the hospital without crashing her car.

Once there, she quickly gets changed into her scrubs and does her early pre rounds before she stands by the nurse’s station and waits for Cristina. She rubs her eyes tiredly, the bags underneath them hidden with makeup and closes the chart in front of her when Cristina suddenly stands next to her and studies her intently. She straightens up and looks at her with wide eyes.

“I’m fine, just tired, I swear.” Cristina raises an eyebrow and clearly doesn’t believe her.

“Solo surgeries are at stake here, Three. I can’t have you half asleep. Or weird. I’m sending you to Plastics, far, far away. Just go.”

Lexie’s eyes light up at her words and she recognizes that this is the beginning of her impending relationship with Mark. She does nothing to hide the smile on her face and basically runs off through the hospital, a suspicious looking Cristina watching her like a hawk.

Lexie is mainly tasked with observing patients as Mark is busy building legs out of titanium for a patient. She drops off a chart and greets Meredith and Derek and as she predicted, has Mer walking beside her and asks if she’s okay and if she’s a secret alcoholic instead of before when she suspected she was cutting herself. Lexie assures her that she’s fine, even if she’s not so sure of it herself.

“Little Grey, Torres is trying to set a world record for most titanium rods used in one patient. You in?” Lexie couldn’t help the shine in her eyes if she wanted to. 

“Little Grey?” Mer asks and Lexie has to bite her lip to stop herself from remembering all the times Mark used that nickname on her. Whether it was professionally, as a sweet nickname or during their bedtime activities.

“Little Grey, Big Grey. It’s how I tell you two apart.” Lexie suppresses a chuckle at her facial expression and tells Mark that she’s in.

Finally. I’ve been waiting forever for this.

───────────────────────────────────

Just a while later, she’s in the OR with most of the other attending as they operate on Mr. Miller. She stands next to Dr. Hunt as she places sutures on his laceration, her work precise and looking absolutely perfect, a product of having had experience from her future self.

“How you doing on that lac, Little Grey?” Mark asks and she does everything to hide the giddy smile on her face and concentrate on her work, knowing what he was about to do. She was thankful for the mask covering her goofy smile.

“Good, moving on to the next lac.”

“Finished already? Lemme see.” She takes a silent deep breath and feels his presence behind her, awfully close for anyone who looked twice. She could smell his awfully distinct scent from the proximity, his cologne mixed with his own, deeply intoxicating, masculine scent that would normally send her into a frenzy if she wasn’t focused on doing perfectly beautiful sutures. 

“Wow. Pulley stitches, nicely done.” She grins from ear to ear as he watches her, his proud tone causing a heat to pool in her gut that she felt with him every single damn time, even if she wanted to deny it.

“Thank you, Dr. Sloan.” Her voice comes out in such a soft, sweet tone and she can see Mark's eyes go from her sutures to her face, his eyes crinkling as he clearly smiles beneath his mask at her. She changes one of the instruments to better pull her thread and catches Derek and Meredith looking at each other suspiciously. Huh. Mer must’ve already told Derek to tell Mark to stay away from me.

Never gonna happen but nice try.

Chief Webber comes into the OR to check on everything as we continue our work. Callie gives him an update and that it’ll take a few hours.

“And we just found out that Dr. Grey here can out pulley stitch Shepherd.” Lexie blushes deeply at Mark’s words, her head buzzing with his praise. He didn’t know it yet but it was one of the things that always got her going and he teased her with it when he learned about her praise kink to get her underneath him and unravel her the way he always loved to. So for him to give out the praise in the OR, in a room full of their colleagues, with her big sister and practically her big brother next to her was dangerous for her. 

“Oh, I wouldn’t go as far as to say that.” She chuckles softly and can see Derek’s gaze next to her, watching her intently, not because of Mark’s comment but because of her body language and tone as she accepted Mark’s praise.

The Chief praises her and Cristina for her teaching and she glances at Cristina, knowing she had never taught her to do sutures. Lexie looks away, not quite knowing what excuse to come up with later since she’s not involved with the crazy interns that practice on each other.

Shortly after, the patient unfortunately crashes and Callie is devastated at the result because of all the effort she had gone to. They all leave the OR and she glances back one last time at Mark comforting Callie before she turns and leaves as well, not wanting to get jealous over his friend needing some comfort.

───────────────────────────────────

Later on, Lexie and some of the other interns, including Mer’s friend Sadie, go to Joe’s Bar. Lexie didn’t actually want to go with them and just wanted her goodnight martini drinks but decided to tag along with them. She tries not to smile when she spots Mark at a table with Callie and Cristina and overhears Mark talking as Sadie pulls her to a table.

“Suddenly, all you can think about is their little…”

Grey?, she thinks to herself and suppresses a smile. Lexie hadn’t overheard him saying this when it first happened so to know that she was already driving him mad was a good sign for her. It wasn't much longer until the day that she would bother him his whole shift and eventually show up at his hotel room that night. She would eventually, finally have her person with her, by her side.

Everything would be alright. Everything will work out for her and him.

Chapter Text

It was easy.

This time around, it was easy for Lexie to judge her fellow interns for being stupid enough to do what they did. She is famously the only intern that hadn’t participated in the whole secret surgery basement situation and had made sure to hang around all kinds of attendings so she wouldn’t have to fish for an alibi. Subsequently, they were all put on probation and banned from any OR. She was watching from outside Sadie’s hospital room as Meredith, George, Cristina and Alex reprimanded the interns for their actions. Eventually, the interns scurry away and Meredith approaches her with a stern look.

“I-I had nothing to do with this, Mer, you know that!” Lexie still feels the need to explain herself and Meredith sighs, her eyes softening and seeming more concerned than stern now.

“I know. I’m still really worried about you, Lexie. It won’t take many more nights of you drinking yourself to sleep at Joe’s before I’ll tell you the same thing.” Lexie feels caught at Mer’s words and swallows the lump in her throat. She sighs deeply and nods in acknowledgment. Meredith clearly doesn’t seem to be done with the issue.

“You can talk to me, you know? I’m not gonna bite you. I’m your sister… I just wanna try to be there for you.” Her words hit Lexie right in the chest and she has to suppress her tears. She looks down at her shows.

“Yeah, thanks, Mer. I gotta go.” Lexie disappears quickly, hiding her tears and pain. Despite the support around her, she naturally pulls up her walls around her, hesitant to let anyone in.

───────────────────────────────────

She was in the hospital.

Which wasn’t unusual because that’s where she worked but she could tell instantly that she was dreaming. She looked at her surroundings and it seemed like no one could see or hear her, as if she was a ghost. As she looked around, she realized that she was in the ICU where nurses were constantly walking around in a hurry. She frowned and when she turned to the side into one of the rooms, she saw him.

Mark.

Seemingly in a coma, intubated and with all the cables hooked onto him.

She gasped and rushed into his room, seeing Derek sit on one side and Callie on the other. Her ears were rushing, her vision was hazy as she heard parts of what they were talking about.

“No signs of brain activity…”

“It’s been thirty days…”

“Turn off the machines…”

She looked between them in horror and realized that this was the reality of the plane crash, the timeline in which she had died. For some reason, it hadn’t crossed her mind that Mark’s condition could get so bad. He was perfectly fine when he had found her under the plane wing but she died shortly after the crash so she couldn’t judge on what injuries he might’ve had.

She looked around in fear as they began to turn off the machines and Lexie felt like she was dying. She could hardly breathe as she watched Mark’s vitals drop by every second and eventually heard that dreaded beeping sound that indicated his death. She screamed and cried but it fell on deaf ears, no one noticing her ghostly presence.

Lexie gasps loudly as she wakes up, breathing heavily as if the air was running out of her lungs. Her vision was blurry from her tears and when she blinked a few times, she recognized Derek’s face hovering above hers and his hands on her shoulders. She blinks a few times before she sits up and spots Meredith at the door entrance, her face clearly showing her worry. Lexie looks back at Derek who’s still holding her by the shoulders.

“Lexie, are you okay? You were screaming and crying and had a nightmare.” The tone in his voice made her sigh, his worry apparent in the gentleness of his voice. She grabs a tissue from her nightstand and dries her face.

“I’m so sorry, that must’ve been so loud. I’m really sorry…” Meredith comes closer and sits down next to Derek on her bed.

“Lexie, I don’t care about the noise. You’re clearly not doing well.” Lexie sighs at her words.

“I… I didn’t go to Joe’s to drink last night. That’s why my nightmare was worse.” Her voice is hoarse as she speaks and she drinks from her water bottle, her head hurting. Derek frowns in concern.

“You shouldn’t have to drink to be able to sleep, Lexie. Maybe you should…”

“See a therapist.” Lexie sighs as Meredith finishes his sentence and shakes her head.

“No, no, I’m fine, okay! I’m good! I swear, I just need to get used to sleeping without getting drunk! It’ll be fine.” Lexie looks down as she speaks, clearly not wanting to talk about this further, even if it makes her glad to know that both Meredith and Derek care.

“We’re always here, okay?” Meredith rubs her arm and she smiles at them both in amusement.

“Thanks, mom and dad.”

“Okay, our queue to leave!” Lexie giggles at Derek’s words and watches both of them leave her room. She’s glad to get a few more hours of sleep until she’s back in the hospital and changed into her scrubs, a giddy feeling in her gut.

Today was the day. Tonight I will go to the Archfield and have sex with Mark.

The thought shouldn’t excite her so much. But it did.

She left the crazy round of attendings and interns arguing about who would get the solo surgery and rushed to where she knew Mark would be. She slowed her steps down before she rounded the corner and slowly approached him, watching him write something down in a chart. She tries her best to hide her smile as she approaches him and clears her throat as he briefly looks up.

“Hi. I’m with you today.” Mark doesn’t give her more than a glance but Lexie doesn’t let that get to her since she knows that it’s because Derek had told him to stay clear from her. She can see the small frown of confusion on his face and she just wants to grab his cheeks and kiss it away and then maybe slide her lips down his neck and kiss him there-

“Aren’t you assisting in the solo surgery with Yang?” His voice rips her out of her daydream and she swallows the lump in her throat.

“Yang is out because of her crazy cabal of secret cutter interns which automatically means I’m out too since I’m her intern. The Chief was very sorry about it so he allowed me to be part of your surgery since it’s so exciting.” Lexie can’t help the grin on her face and knows she would have picked to be with Mark and sit in on his surgery either way. Mark only nods in acknowledgment and the fact that he’s so careful in staying away from her that he can’t look at her makes her smile. She sighs dreamily, watching as he continues to write, unable to miss his bulging bicep, the concentration on his face and the way his hand diligently holds the pen. It’s so hard not to think about those damn hands and what they can do since she knows the amount of pleasure they have caused on and inside of her so many times.

God, I need to get laid.

“What? Why are you talking about sex to me? It’s inappropriate, I have things to teach.” Mark’s voice snaps her out and she looks at him in shock when she realizes she had said those words outloud. She brings a hand up to her mouth and looks at him with wide eyes.

“No, no, I-I was j-just… uh, thinking! I swear, about something completely else, I-It was a joke! That’s what I meant, for you to teach me. Medicine.” She rambles nervously but doesn’t miss the way his eyes darken for a second when she says the two words that would hang between them for the rest of their lives.

Teach me.

Lexie has never been more happy to see Dr. Bailey who approaches Mark to ask if she could assist in the surgery which Mark agrees to. She quickly clears her throat when his gaze is back on her and she nods quickly, taking her clipboard.

“Cappuccino. Right away.” Lexie quickly slips away, her heart beating wildly at the interaction she just had with Mark. God, she couldn’t wait for tonight because she hadn’t lied.

She really did need to get laid.

A while later Mark, Dr. Bailey and her were in Mrs. Patterson’s room as Lexie introduced the patient. Talking to Kathleen was unfortunately futile but they could fortunately talk to her husband about the procedure. Lexie felt bad when Dr. Bailey talked about not getting his hopes up since she knew the procedure would go well but when Lexie came to the room later for some forms to be filled out, she assured the husband that his wife was in the best possible hands and that the surgery looks promising and tried her best to cheer him up in the face of his strained relationship with his wife.

Her, Mark and Dr. Bailey go to his office where Mark shows them in a computer animation what the surgery would look like. Mark dismisses her when Lexie is allegedly ‘in his space’ and she goes out to prep Mrs. Patterson for surgery, grinning like a fool as she caught a whiff of his scent when she leaned forward, some of her hair brushing his shoulder. She really didn’t know how much longer she could go on until she was jumping him like a kitten in heat and had to distract herself from those thoughts to focus on the patient.

Not long after, she got to scrub in on the surgery and watched Mark go about it, watching him diligently. She was across from him and Dr. Bailey and her eyes watch in fascination as he cuts her throat open to insert the newly constructed tube. Lexie watches in amazement, her eyes focused on his hands and fingers, how careful he is but still precise in his work. She glances up at him and sees his eyes glance up at her as well and she smiles softly so that her eyes crinkle and he can see it under her mask. He quickly looks down but she doesn’t miss the way he gulps down the lump in his throat. The whole day had been filled with tension between them and it only made her more excited.

Good. I have him right where I want him.

───────────────────────────────────

Lexie made sure to see to it that the Patterson’s were okay, sitting down with Kathleen and allowing her the space and encouragement to speak. She watches from outside the room as her husband and her embrace each other and feels that same amazement she felt the first time, once again realizing how incredible Mark was. She walks off to the locker room and gets dressed in the same exact outfit she wore back then, her purple lacy bra with the matching camisole and turtleneck sweater, making sure her hair was down and laying perfectly straight over her shoulders. She puts on a subtle lipstick, a barely visible red and takes a deep breath as she stares into the mirror. She wore her favorite jeans that made her ass look wonderful, not that Mark would see it in her jeans for very long, sprayed herself in a subtle perfume and took one last breath, walking out of the hospital and practically hopping to her car.

The drive to the Archfield is not a long one and she quickly parks in one of the empty spots and marches into the fancy hotel like she owns it. She takes the elevator up to his floor and her heart nearly beats out of her chest as she approaches his room number. She looks down at herself one last time, making sure she looks good and finally knocks.

Mark opens the door, clearly surprised to see her. 

“You made her speak. Mrs. Patterson. She said ‘hi’, you made her speak.” Mark clearly looks her up and down as if assessing her and trying to figure out why she’s here and why that’s a bad thing at the same time. She looks at him for a short moment before walking past him into the room and turns back around to him.

“I respect you. As a man, as a surgeon, I respect you. So… teach me.”

Her heart hammers against her chest as she says those words and starts to take her coat off, putting it aside along with her bag. He shakes his head, not because he doesn’t want this but because he’s supposed to not want this and it drives her crazy. She leans down and doesn’t break her gaze away from him as she takes her boots off.

“What are you doing? Don’t do that, stop.” She sees the conflict in his eyes and it only makes her want him more. 

“Teach me.” Mark can tell that she’s not going to stop and there’s a possessive glint in his eyes as he turns around to close the door, as if he didn’t want anyone else seeing her undress for him.

“Stop.”

“Teach me.”

“We can’t do this. You’re Little Grey and I-I promised. I’m your teacher.” She sees the resolve faltering more with every second that he watches her.

“So… teach me.” She pulls her sweater over her head and doesn’t miss his exasperated ‘Lexie’ as she does. She’s so done of acting like she wasn’t madly in love with him and wanted - no, needed him.

“Teach me.” He turns away to the side as if that would make her presence go away, his back to her as she throws her sweater to the side where her coat lies. Her hair is a little messed up now from how she clumsily had taken her sweater off but she knew in her gut that it would look much worse as the night goes on. 

“Teach me.” She says one final time, taking her camisole off and knows she has him when he turns back to her, unable to look away anymore in just her bra, her hair so beautifully messy and her eyes practically begging with need. She’s confident in herself but still can’t help but falter at his intense gaze.

“Come on, am I really so bad?” She looks down at herself in insecurity and knows that's what gets to him, his need for her and to make herself see how beautiful she is overtaking any promise, any rational thought he has. 

“No. I am.” He finally comes closer and Lexie almost wants to cry when he finally kisses her. There’s fireworks in her heart, in her head and all over her skin as they touch and kiss and as much as it sounds like a cliché, it’s the exact way one would describe kissing their prince for the first time and she wishes the reality of it would be as simple as that. 

To Mark, this is the first kiss they have ever shared. But for Lexie, it takes everything in her not to break out in tears, to not remember the way she had died holding his hand, how she had this huge speech about loving him despite everything that had happened between them.

To Lexie, it now finally sinks in that this is her second chance with Mark.

He breaks away for only a second to take his shirt off and her eyes and hands immediately wander down, touching every patch of available skin she could. He continues kissing her and bites her lip gently, leading to her gasping and to him entering his tongue into her mouth. She lets him take over, lets him dominate and lead because that’s what she knows best, it’s what she wants the most in this moment where she’s so desperate for him. 

Of course, the advantage of already knowing his body like the back of her hand was that she didn’t need to explore him, even though she still would but already knew every spot and every movement that made him go crazy. So as they kiss and as he backs her up further to the bed, she uses her slightly sharp nails to graze over the back of his neck, hearing the gasp he lets out. Mark breaks away and she pants heavily, only then noticing that she was running out of oxygen. She slightly pulls at his short hair and pouts, knowing that it always gets him. She nudges her nose against his.

“Keep kissing me.” The sweet but needy look in her eyes is enough for him to listen to her and go right back to kissing her until she can’t remember her own name. They stumble back until they both fall on the bed, Mark above her with shining blue eyes, so much desire hidden in them. She rakes her eyes over the plains of his upper body, her hand going from his hair to his neck to his chest and then his arm. She reaches up and softly bites at his bicep, making his arm twitch above her.

“Finally. Wanted to do that the whole time.” Mark chuckles softly at her words with raised brows as he slowly unbottons her jeans.

“The whole time?" How long have you been thinking about me like this?” She gasps when he slowly pulls her jeans down her legs and takes them off of her gently, her lacy purple panties on display for him. She sighs dreamily before answering.

“So long. You have no idea.” Her answer leaves him breathless and he goes right back to kissing her breathlessly. She squirms as his hands wander, holding her by her hips and his thumbs rubbing small circles into her skin. He breaks the kiss again and leans his forehead on hers.

“Last chance, Little Grey. Gotta back out before I start having my way with you.” She moans softly when he starts kissing her neck, his mouth leaving a trail, as if his mouth is lighting up her skin with fire. She gasps softly as he keeps going down her neck towards her breasts.

“Never. Please, teach me.” Mark lets out a growl against the naked skin above her bra at those words and kisses her skin so desperately but gently. His hands snake around her back and she arches her back so he can take her bra off and lifts her arms to let him remove it completely. To be there again, to experience his first time with her again feels like playing with a toy she wasn’t supposed to have. The way his eyes fall on her breasts, the way he can’t help but stare at her beautiful, half naked body intoxicated her. She squirms desperately as his hands reach up and take each of them in his hands, squeezing softly, feeling how perfectly they fit into his hands.

“So perfect.” He begins to pepper kisses all over them and she lets out a loud moan, high pitched and breathy as he takes one of her nipples into his mouth. He sucks gently and caresses her hardening nipple with his tongue, as if he was making out with it and it makes her squirm and pull at his hair gently, needy moans falling from her lips.

“So good. So pretty, so gorgeous for me.” Lexie almost chokes at his praises and feels herself blush down to her chest and it turns Mark on even more. He looks up at her with devilish eyes as he so softly kisses around her nipple.

“Don’t act like that, Lex. I know you have a praise kink.” She looks down at him breathlessly and frowns, her thighs pressing together at his words. The way his tongue darts out and then goes to very gently bite her nipple has her twitching and arching her back as he watches her with a smile. 

“You make it so obvious, especially in surgery. Had you preening at me like a puppy with your big eyes, thanking me like a good girl.”

Lexie thought she was going to die from how much his words turned her on. It was true and she felt like the lovesick puppy she is in that moment but at least knows that it wasn’t just initiated by her. Mark’s mouth leaves her breasts tender and with red bite marks and swollen nipples and she feels so dizzy with desire. He travels further down, kissing the soft, flawless skin on her stomach, practically worshipping her, his teeth occasionally giving her little bite marks that she would remember. He kisses further down past her belly button and stops right before her panties, his eyes looking back up at her and it only increases the arousal she feels in her body. He leans up and she holds his gaze the whole time as he opens his belt and takes his  jeans off, his bulge visible through the grey boxers. Lexie adjusts her position where she lies in front of him, her head on the soft pillow and looking up at him with fluttering lashes. He leans back down over her and kisses upwards from her thigh back up her breasts and neck, his blue eyes dark with desire as they look into hers.

“I’m giving you one more chance to back out, Little Grey. Because if you don’t, we’re gonna be busy for a few hours.” She smiles softly at his words and kisses him heatedly and breaks away, so touched by his respectfulness.

“I want this.” Those words and the reassuring glint in her eyes is all Mark needs before he leans back down, kissing all over her thighs as his fingers hook onto her panties and slowly peels them off of her long, beautiful legs. He throws them to the side next to the bed and slowly parts Lexie’s thighs, a breathless moan coming out of his mouth as he simply stares at her. She bites her lip as he doesn’t even move and just takes a few seconds to stare down at her and very gently nudges his cheek with her knee.

“Are you just window shopping or…?” Mark lets out a breathless chuckle at her words, the way his lips turn into a smile makes her heart beat faster. His hands run up and down her thighs until he eventually holds them in his big, strong hands and leans down, licking his lips as he can't seem to look away. Her legs automatically hook over his shoulders and she bites her lip, his eyes glued to her beautiful wetness.

“God, you’re so beautiful. I should’ve known. I should’ve known you would be so beautiful all over.” She breathes out softly at his words and lets out another high pitched moan when he leans down and kisses the skin above her clit, his lips so dangerously close to where she needs him most, stained in wetness, her proof of her arousal for him. He gets down lower and grips her thighs tightly, his fingers digging into her skin. She breathes weakly as she grips the sheets, his kisses all around her, never where she actually needs him and she whines so beautifully, knowing Mark liked it so much when she made that noise.

Not a second later he’s diving into her, his mouth and tongue attacking her clit and folds and basically devouring her. She moans loudly at his actions and blinks, so overwhelmed with mind numbing pleasure. He keeps going like he’s been starving and eating his first meal in weeks and it makes Lexie’s thighs close around his head to keep him there, as if daring him to disappear from between her thighs. He switches from sucking gently on her clit to teasing her folds with hurried laps of his tongue, the wet noises his mouth and her pussy makes truly overwhelming her. She twitches when one of his hands lets go of her thigh and wanders to where his mouth is connected to her. His mouth scoots higher to suck and lap at her clit as his finger gently rubs against her folds up and down. She bites her lip so hard that she thinks it might bleed and he looks up at her, his eyes drowning in arousal for her as he lifts his mouth for a few seconds.

“You taste so good, baby. So fucking good. Doing so well for me, hm? What a good girl, my sweet girl.” Her breath hitches at his sweet words, like honey dripping from his mouth and squeezes her eyes shut, trying her best to stop herself from crying. The thought of hearing him say these words after so long makes her emotional and she takes a few deep breaths, quickly and thankfully distracted by Mark slowly sliding a finger into her warm heat. He groans into her as he continues with his mouth on her clit and she moans loudly when the vibrations are felt all through her.

Mark moves his first finger but quickly after adds a second and eventually a third finger, all basically drilling into her as she moans helplessly, his tongue now relentlessly lapping at her clit. Her head is so empty, unable to form a single thought as she grips his hair so tightly and finally comes with a loud scream, her body tensing up and her hands harshly pull at his hair. Mark grunts as he eagerly laps up her wetness and helps Lexie through her post orgasm. She twitches motionlessly, her legs giving out as he catches them and she lies there, so blissfully and happy. Mark gently kisses her inner thighs.

“Mhh, good girl. You did so well, baby. Good job.” His sweet words were getting to her head and Mark’s gentleness touches her. He scoots up again and kisses her passionately, claiming her mouth as if it wasn’t already his. He looks down at her with so much care and desire.

“You still wanna go further?” He asks carefully and she smiles at him teasingly.

“Would be kinda unfair if I made you do all this work and you didn’t get nothing back, hm?” He kisses her a bit slower now and gently.

“You didn’t make me do any work. I was only privileged enough to be allowed to make you feel good. If that’s all you wanted me to teach, it would be perfectly fine. And trust me, I absolutely got plenty back from what I just did to you.” Lexie giggles sweetly and kisses him again, her head dizzy with love and affection. She feels him pull his boxers down and kick them off and greedily takes his length into her hand, stroking gently and swiping her thumb back and forth on his tip, just the way he likes it. Mark groans deeply and she can see his arms shaking slightly.

“God, Lex. You’re doing crazy things to me.” She smiles at him sweetly as if she didn’t have her hand on him and strokes him a few times before scooting down and opening her thighs up for him.

“C’mon, don’t take so long.” She pouts in the way that she knows drives Mark crazy and he kisses her breathlessly once more, hovering directly above her. Both of their lips are swollen from all the kissing and she knows it would be visible even tomorrow but right now, she couldn’t care less about that. She lies down on her back and he kisses her cheek gently before slowly lining himself up, looking back at her in concern.

“You ready, Little Grey?” To hear his nickname for her right before they were about to have intercourse would surely catapult her back into this very moment many times in the future. She nods desperately, her eyes reflecting nothing but the trust and love she has for him and he can’t help himself and kisses her once more for it. She gasps softly when she feels him slowly enter her and Lexie has to squeeze her eyes shut, forgetting how long it’s been since she had sex and how much bigger Mark was in comparison to anyone she had before him. She tries her best to be brave and to not say anything as she struggles to take him all in but halfway through he stops, noticing her strained expression and the lack of sweet sounds coming from her.

“Hey, don’t do that, Lex. If you need a break or wanna stop you need to tell me, hm?” Mark gently kisses all over her neck and face and it calms her down immensely.

“Sorry, I know, I will. Just wanted to feel you inside me.”

Lexie breathes out slowly and Mark’s forehead leans on hers. A few minutes later, Lexie lets Mark know that he can keep going and her eyes roll back into her skull as he’s

completely inside of her. She can tell that he’s using every bit of self-restraint to not move and she smiles weakly, peppering kisses on his face.

“Thank you, baby. You’re doing well, you know? Doing such a good job.” Lexie grins mischievously, knowing she’s not the only one with a praise kink and can see how badly her words affect him. He sighs deeply as he holds her by her waist.

“You’re gonna make me lose my mind.” Lexie giggles at his words and he can’t help but smile at the wonderful sound and what it does to his heart. He eventually starts to move with Lexie’s permission and for her, it’s just as incredible as it had always been. For Mark, it’s his first time with Lexie and he’s sure that she has ruined him for any other woman. Something about the way they connect and fit together, how their bodies practically melt into one, how their movements are so perfect and synchronized. It’s so dizzying and electrifying between them.

Lexie bites her lip as she feels him inside, moving and fitting like a puzzle piece. Before she had gotten to known him, she would have never in her life thought that soulmates exist or that some people in the world were meant to be… but right now as he groans above her, his face contorted into a cute frown and his body on her, she’s never more sure than now that he is her soulmate. She looks up at him and admires him as she moans and whines as he hits every spot inside of her perfectly in a way no other man has ever done before. It was embarrassing to admit but after she had dated Alex and Jackson after having been with Mark, she had to fake her orgasms with both of them most of the time because she could never get there after Mark had ruined her for everyone else. In her mind and soul, he was already a part of her and to finally get what she had been wanting for ages was so satisfying.

They both moan and kiss each other heatedly as Mark moves inside of her. Lexie bites her sleep and closes her eyes as she feels him and places both of her hands on his cheeks as she looks at him with so much trust. Mark can only hold her gaze for a few seconds before closing his eyes to kiss her, his thrusts getting faster and harder as he goes, the sound of their skin against each other making her blush. 

“M-Mark… oh, fuck…”

“Shh, it’s okay, I’m here. Lift your leg a little for me, sweetheart.” She does as he says and can feel his hand on her thigh, holding it up and the angle he now thrusts in at makes her dizzy, her sweet moans and whines getting to Mark’s head as feels an indescribable wave of pleasure overcome him. He’s had many women in his bed before, sometimes even more than one but god… she’s the most exquisite, beautiful creature he ever got to lay his hands and eyes on. Lexie gasps his name in a way that makes him thrust into her so hard that she nearly hits her head on the frame of the bed and he curses under his breath, protectively holding a hand on her head.

“Shit, I’m sorry, did I hurt you?” His eyes reflect his worry and he’s surprised by the way he so deeply cares for her wellbeing. Sure, he wasn’t a monster and always treated women in bed like a gentleman but the way his heart almost dropped when he thought she hit her head was unlike anything he had ever felt before. Lexie’s eyes flutter open and she smiles sweetly, her lips swollen and her hair resembling a bird’s nest and getting fucked within an inch of her life but still smiling at him like he was the sun.

“No, don’t worry, I’m okay.” That was all Mark needed to keep going, his thrusts hitting with a force that made Lexie hold onto his shoulder. His hand was still on the back of her head as if he was scared he could potentially harm her again but still fucking her so good that she sees stars.

“M-Mark… Baby-y…. So good… You’re doing s-so well…” Even in the throes of her own pleasure, she couldn’t forget to praise and encourage him, wanting him to know that she loves what he was doing to her outside of her moans and willingness. Mark groans into her ear at her words and grips her hips tightly, his thrusts slowing down in pace but hitting so deeply that she lets out a loud moan with every thrust.

“If you keep talking to me like that I’ll nut inside you like a fifteen year old teenager.” Lexie can’t help but giggle at his words and her heart swells when he smiles down at her. She always liked that she could laugh and giggle with him during sex since most of the men she had been with took themselves so seriously to make a woman feel good… or concentrated on feeling good themselves. Mark didn’t have to worry about these things because he was an expert, could probably make a woman reach her peak in his sleep and with closed eyes. The thought of how much older he was than her often made her think about it, about his maturity and experience but also about how much it turned her on…

“I’m giving you what’s probably the best sex of your life and you’re daydreaming?” She’s ripped out of her thoughts by Mark’s mouth on her neck and his pace picking back up. She smiles and kisses his cheek, whatever skin her mouth can touch.

“Wasn’t daydreaming…” She says with a pout and she gasps when he bites her neck, lightly but strong enough for her to feel it.

“Liar.” The smile on his face betrays his affection for her and he keeps going until they’re both a big moaning mess, both so close to their climax and panting loudly. Mark showers her face and neck in kisses and looks down at her, their sweat mixing together.

“You’re so beautiful.” His words are merely a whisper and the affection in them makes Lexie’s knot in her gut clench and she moans so loudly as she finally feels her orgasm washing over her. Her whole body tenses up and every muscle in her body clenches, the way she practically squeezes around Mark so good that it makes him come too a few seconds after her. There’s fireworks, stars, lightning bolts going off in her head at the amount of pleasure she feels and she feels him fill her up to the brim, the feeling so beautiful and fulfilling. They had used a condom for their first time since Lexie hadn’t been on the pill back then but she knew she didn’t want to miss this and started taking them immediately when she had traveled to her past self. 

Mark’s groans are loud and the frown etched on his forehead shows her how good she made him feel. She pants softly as he slowly collapses on her and she keeps him right where he is when he tries to roll to the side. She wraps her arms around him, showing him that she wants him there, his naked, sweaty skin on hers, connected by their pleasure and affection for each other.

Something told Lexie that she would have no trouble sleeping tonight.

Chapter Text

She’s so content.

Lexie is snuggled up on Mark’s chest, her head resting there as she draws lazy circles on his hard muscles. His hands are on her back and gently caressing her, occasionally twirling a hair of hers in his fingers.

She doesn’t dare look up at him and is almost scared to be kicked out, the same fear she had the first time. Whilst Mark might not be in love with her yet, he certainly holds great affection for her as he cuddles her after their unforgettable sex together. She sighs softly as she subtly hears out for his heartbeat, the nightmare from last night still branded into her head and she fears that his heartbeat might be the only thing that could calm her down and make her sleep without nightmares. She draws circles on his chest, simply admiring how beautiful he is.

“You hungry? They have twenty-four hour room service here.” His voice comes out in a deep gravel as it always does and could send shivers down her spine at any given day. She looks up and chuckles.

“Yeah, sure. Must be really nice to just live in a hotel.” He smiles down at her and when he hands her the menu from the nightstand and tells him that she just wants a burger and fries, just like him. She stretches her overexerted muscles above her head and can’t help but laugh when Mark takes that as his chance to pinch her nipple.

“Hey! My girls are already bloody and bruised because of you, don’t make it worse!” There’s no real heat in her voice and the way she smiles at him shows that she’s not being serious. Her breasts might have a few red bite spots but she’s definitely overexaggerating. He only grins at her as she walks over to the chair by the table and slips on one of his hoodies, without even asking for permission. As if she had already made herself home in his room.

“Your girls?” Mark grins at her, the sight of her wearing his Knicks hoodie making his thoughts stray again. She grabs the remote from the table and plops herself back down on the bed and despite the room it has, she snuggles right back into him.

“Yes, my girls. They’re very precious to me so be careful.” She looks at him sternly but can’t hide the smile on her face. He shakes his head with a dopey smile and just cuddles back up to her, not willing to admit that despite him not being one to have ever cuddled and liked to spend time with a woman after sex, it feels so different with her. Besides, she’s not any other woman and he knows that.

Lexie Grey is practically Shepherd’s little sister and most definitely Meredith’s little sister.

Lexie turns the TV on and equally cuddles into Mark, enjoying the comfort he gives her. She switches on a random channel that plays a documentary about turtles and leans back into him.

“You’re basically a human furnace, you know? I’ve never met someone who is as hot as you. Aesthetically and anatomically.” Mark smiles at her words and can’t help himself in peppering kisses on her shoulder. She’s

laying on her back, halfway sitting against the headboard and he’s next to her on his side, his arms wrapped around her tightly.

“Comes with the mindblowing sex. Kind of a package deal.” Lexie grins at him and wiggles her eyebrows which makes Mark laugh. He blushes slightly and it’s a rare sight, one that Lexie enjoys looking at.

“So, uh… the praise kink thing…” Lexie giggles as she sees how nervous Mark looks and softly rubs his arm.

“Don’t act like you didn’t like it. I thought you were about to blow my brains out with how hard you thrusted every time I praised you.” She grins at him and he can’t help but grin back at her, playing coy.

“Meh. It was fine.” Lexie laughs at his very bad lying and shakes her head in amusement.

“At least I can admit I like it.” Mark continues with the kisses on her neck.

“Yeah, I could tell. I was sure you clenched so hard that my dick would fall off any moment.” Lexie laughs out at that, not the sweet giggles or the amused chuckles but her real laugh, loud and unapologetically her.

“Did you already know I liked it in surgery? When you were flirting with me right in front of Mer, Derek and everyone else’s nose?” Her eyes twinkle as she smiles at him and he looks up at her with playful innocence.

“I was only praising your sutures! What’s wrong with that?” 

“You have a very interesting way of doing that. By standing behind me, nearly touching my whole back with your body and your head almost on my shoulder.” She looks at him fondly and just then, there’s a knock on the door. Mark gets up from the bed in his boxers and makes sure Lexie’s naked legs are covered by the blanket before he goes to the door. She blushes at the thought of him not wanting anyone else to see her that way. Mark takes the food from the waiter and gives him a big tip considering it was past midnight and Lexie gets up after he closes the door, sitting down on a chair by the table next to him. They unwrap their food and mostly eat in silence as they watch a turtle nest in the documentary.

“I love turtles. Must be so nice to just swim around in the ocean and visit every wet corner of the world. Did you know that only 20% of the ocean is discovered? And only 5% has been actually physically seen by humans? That’s so crazy to me. How can we go off and explore space when we haven’t even visited everything on earth?” Lexie rambles away, her thoughts faster than her mouth as usual and Mark listens and watches her fondly, the affection clear in his eyes.

God, he thinks. What am I getting myself into?

They quickly finish their food, Lexie stealing some of his fries which he grumbles about but would never tell her to not do so. They clean up everything and Mark doesn’t let Lexie even think about going home and drags her back to his bed and continues cuddling her, the TV faintly playing in the background. She closes her eyes, one leg thrown over his waist and her arm around him, her nose buried deep in his neck as she basks in his scent, something that smells like home to her. She almost falls asleep when Mark starts kissing her neck, at first small little kisses but then it morphs into something more, his hands going down to her ass and squeezing gently. She moans softly and bites her lip as she looks up at him.

They were both ready for another round.

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Lexie had slept for barely more than four hours but to her, it felt like catching up on a month’s sleep. With her head on Mark’s chest, reassured of his steady heartbeat and his arms holding her close and safe, she didn’t have any nightmares and it was so refreshing to not wake up in panic. She had carefully extracted herself from a very sleepy Mark who barely wanted to let her go in his sleep and got dressed quickly since she had to go in early for her rounds. She didn’t turn on the light so that Mark could continue sleeping so it took a while for her to gather her clothes in the darkness. When she had been fully dressed, she softly smiled down at Mark, his little snores such a cute sound to her and she gave him a light kiss on his cheek before leaving the room quietly.

She goes to the locker room and takes her scrubs to change in the bathroom since her body is littered with hickeys and bites from the previous night. She hadn’t had time to shower so she knows that she’s smelling of Mark and sex but hopes that no one would catch on. Thankfully, Mark had been smart enough to not leave hickeys on her neck, just her stomach, thighs and chest which were covered by her scrubs… mostly. There’s a hickey relatively high up on her chest, bordering on her neck and she has to push her scrubs up for it to not peek out. She does her best to look presentable, her hair perfectly in a ponytail and douses herself in her deodorant to mask the smell of him, even if she doesn’t want to.

A few hours pass as her and her fellow interns do their rounds and complete their work and wait for the residents to come in. She is pretty much by herself today as Meredith, Cristina, Owen and Derek are taking care of a patient from prison and she’s thankful that she doesn’t have to see them for now so that she could avoid the questions of why she hadn’t been at home last night. Besides, Cristina could oddly enough read her like a book. She would immediately detect that something is different about her and if Cristina knows then Meredith would know too.

Lexie suppresses the smile on her face when she sees Mark by the surgery board. She walks up to him from behind, not without adjusting her scrub top so the hickey could peek out. She comes to stand next to him and turns to him.

“Hi there.” She smiles at him before turning to look back at the board.

“What are you doing?” His voice is deep and she has to distract herself from his natural rasp. She can tell that his defenses are back up, that the sweet and affectionate Mark from last night is hidden behind his wall of security to not let anyone in too much. 

“Just saying hello.”

“Listen.” His body turns to her and it takes everything in her not to stare at how good he looks in his dark blue scrubs. His eyes fall down to the hickey that’s barely visible on the top of her scrubs and he quickly looks back up at her.

“My best friend made one simple request, that I not get anywhere near you and I slipped. It was fantastic, mind-blowing even. And you’re fantastic and beautiful. But it’s not gonna happen again, ever.”

Liar.

“Okay.” She tries her best to hide her smile and nods, looking at him in a way that parents look at their children when they threaten to do something forbidden. She brushes past him, her chest and shoulder brushing against his and she grins when her back is turned to him, knowing she would have him back where she wanted him by tonight. 

An hour later, Lexie has done nearly everything she could to keep herself busy. Without a resident, she’s truly stumped on what else she could do. She eventually walks past Mark and Callie. She stills when she hears them talk about a tumor removal.

“Did I just hear tumor removal? My resident abandoned me, do you need any help?”

“Sure!”

“No!” Mark and Callie speak at the same time and Lexie hides her amused smile as she glances between them. Mark looks at her like he’s thinking about how to get rid of her as quickly as possible but eventually gives in.

“Fine. But you’ll watch. But you’re not touching anything, get it? No touching.” Lexie looks at him with raised brows and nods and she can tell from the corner of her eye that Callie has caught onto them.

“Mhh. No touching. Got it, Dr. Sloan.” She smiles in amusement and turns to Callie as she tells her to check if the patient has been taken in ultrasound yet. She nods and glances at both of them for another minute and goes to the desk to call ultrasound.

Callie turns to Mark with raised brows who looks at her like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

“You slept with her?”

“Absolutely not.” Callie gives him a non-bullshit expression and crosses her arms, knowing he’s lying to her. Mark relents with a sigh.

“Only once. She came to my hotel room, took off all her clothes and said teach me.” Callie can’t help her laugh at that, not having expected that from the younger Grey sister. “I had no control. She violated me with her nakedness. Derek’s gonna kill me.”

“Well, you shouldn’t have been alone with her.”

“Never gonna happen again. Mind-blowingly fantastic and incredible as it was.”

“Hey! You are a professional!”

Mark holds back a laugh as he watches Sadie, the intern, approach them and act as if she was pulling lint out of Callie’s hair. They talk for a brief moment and Callie stumbles on her own words, glad when Sadie leaves to talk to Lexie at the desk. Mark grins at Callie who looks at him in shock.

“You were saying something about professionalism.”

“Did you see that? That was not in my head, right?” Mark sighs as Callie hides behind him, both of them watching Sadie and Lexie talk to each other.

“I’m telling you, these interns are out of control.”

“Stalkers.”

“Sexed-up stalkers.” Mark says as his eyes narrow on Lexie Grey. He could deny it all he wants, even if he shouldn’t have sex with her again out of obligation to his best friend.

It didn’t mean that he didn’t want to.

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Mark’s thoughts dwell on the encounter had with the tumor patient and with Callie in the on-call room. He thinks intently about what Margaret had said, how she had an amazing guy, best sex of her life and had to give him up because he moved to Denver. He thinks about how Callie and him tried so hard to come up with a plan to avoid the interns, even kissed to try and have sex but it weirdly enough did nothing for either of them. All he could think about at that moment was that he just wanted to storm out and kiss Lexie, have her the same way that he had her last night. Never had a woman plagued his mind this way after just one night of sex. Sure, he thought at some point that he loved Addison but really, he was just running after her to get his best friend back. So how does he, Mark Sloan, the ultimate womanizer and hook up guy, become obsessed with a girl like Lexie Grey? A girl who by all accounts he shouldn’t have because he was so clearly told by Derek not to but also because she was so much younger than him. Sixteen years younger. How does that even happen? He never encountered himself acting the way he acted with her last night. He… he had cuddled her. He held her close as they slept through the night together. 

He had never done something like that before.

Callie and him do wonderful work as they remove the tumor from Margaret. Later on, they check on her along with George to see how she’s doing. Mark tells her that she’s young and that she’ll heal fast when she asks how soon she can leave.

“Eager to get home?” George asks her, a sympathetic smile on his face. She sighs and shakes her head.

“I’m going to Denver.”

Mark smiles at her words and they resonate with him up until he sits at the bar, Callie next to him. They make a point of not turning around to sneak a glance at Lexie or Sadie but he feels his resolve crumble with every second.

“You only live once. You can’t waste it.” He turns around and stares at Lexie from across the bar who’s talking to Sadie by a table. His eyes trace her open neck, the same one he had kissed and devoured but pointedly not left a bruise or hickey, as much as he wanted to. 

“No! No, Mark! Look at Joe! Look at me! Look at me, no!” Callie grips his arm but his mind has already been made up as he turns back to her. 

“Sorry, kid. I’m going to Denver.” He faintly hears Callie trying to pull him back so she doesn’t fall into the same weakness as him. He walks up to Lexie who’s standing next to Sadie and she looks up at him with knowing eyes, as if she knew that his resolve would crumble. He looks down at her, their height difference turning him on much more than it should and the way she looks as if she knows she has him hooked on her making his head spin.

“We’re going to yours this time.” Those are the only words he says before he leaves, not needing to glance over his shoulder to know that she’s quickly getting her jacket and bag and hurrying up to come with him.

Mark Sloan is a weak man. A very weak man.

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Lexie doesn’t remember if it was this difficult last time but sneaking Mark into her room is very difficult when everyone is still awake. It was different than coming to his hotel since she just marched in and knocked on his door, simple and uncomplicated. But this? This was not uncomplicated, not when there were six other people currently living there besides her, especially the two people who were the reason they were sneaking around.

She couldn’t deny that it thrills her a little.

She holds Mark’s hand behind her as they very slowly enter the house and notices that they thankfully all seem to either be in the kitchen, in their own rooms or in Izzie’s case, somewhere in the house to clean. They quickly walk up the stairs to her attic and for once, she is so grateful to not have a room right next to one of the others since she knows she wasn’t exactly the quietest person in bed, especially not with Mark. She quickly ushers him in and closes the door, locking it. She can hear Meredith downstairs talking to what sounds like Derek and she turns back around to Mark, her heart pounding.

“You know how foolish of an idea it was of you to want to come here and not go to your hotel? To have me in the same house where the two people are who don’t want us to have sex?” She smiles as she speaks, no real anger in her sweet voice or eyes. Mark smiles at her equally amused.

“You gotta admit that it’s kinda hot.” Lexie giggles at his words and puts her bag and jacket aside, taking her shirt off as she approaches him.

“Mhh. Really hot.” She presses her mouth on his and immediately works on getting his jacket off as quickly as possible, her need for him overdriving every thought she has in her head. They fall into the same rhythm as yesterday, quickly shedding every piece of clothing they have on strewn somewhere around her attic room and before she knows it, she’s on her back again, Mark’s face buried between her thighs, his mouth and tongue working wonders on her. She quickly realizes that it’s nearly impossible to keep quiet, especially when Mark grazes his teeth over her clit or his beard scratches against her sensitive intimate skin in a way that turns pain into pleasure.

“You need to be quieter, sweetheart. Or someone will hear how I’m devouring you.” Lexie gulps down the lump in her throat, her thighs pressing together around his head, one hand pulling at his hair and the other clamped over her mouth.

“How? It’s your fault for being so good at this!” She bites her lip to hold back her moans and whines as hes hears the noises of her devouring her, lapping up her wetness like he was born to. “Besides, you were grunting like a bear on top of me last night.”

“What else…” A kiss to her clit. “...was I…” a light bite on her folds. “... supposed to do? Kept praising me and made me think I was a dog.”

Lexie can’t help the little giggle that escapes her at his words and pulls at his short hairs even more, her other hand caressing his neck.

“Hmm, good boy. So perfect. Make me feel so special.” Mark grunts into her pussy and sucks on her clit which makes Lexie squirm and gasp.

“Unfair! Don’t play with me like I’m your food…” Mark only grins meanly and keeps going.

“You treat me like your dog and I treat you like my food.”

They spend hours engrossed in each other’s bodies, satisfying both of their needs and more. She’s cuddled up to him, listening in on his heartbeat as she softly caresses his side.

“I really tried, you know.” Mark says, one arm around her shoulders and the other caressing her arm as he holds her. Lexie smiles softly.

“Oh, I know. Your efforts didn’t go unnoticed. A shame that it was all for nothing and you fell back into the trap of your ‘sexed-up stalker.’” Mark looks down at her with a frown and she grins. “You need to be quieter when you gossip with Callie. I was like five feet away and I could hear you two.”

He chuckles softly at her words and pulls her closer, his hand on her back now.

“Well, we both lost our minds today trying to be normal, professional attendings.” Lexie giggles at his words, drawing a circle with her finger on his shoulder.

“I can’t really bring myself to say sorry because I haven’t felt this satisfied in… probably ever.” Mark smiles and gently kisses her wrist as he looks down at her. When Lexie looks back at him, she can tell that his expression holds some worry and concern.

“Derek told me not to get near you because you were… fragile.” She sighs at his words and places her hands on his chest and rests her head there.

“Him and Meredith think I have a drinking problem. I… It’s hard for anyone to believe me when I say I don’t because my father’s also an alcoholic but… I’m really not. I have bad nightmares sometimes and I only drink to help me sleep. I don’t crave it at any point, I don’t drink at work, I don’t even think about it and I would never, ever be dumb enough to show up to work intoxicated… but as soon as my shift ends, I can feel how tired I am and know I won’t be able to sleep without a drop of alcohol in me. That’s the only time I crave it.” She’s taking a risk in being very honest with him early on in their relationship (that probably wasn’t even a relationship yet) but she feels so safe with him and protected. She hesitantly looks up at him and feels his fingers play with her hair gently, one of her features that he really seems to like.

“I believe you, I do. Just be careful, okay? You can think that you have it under control in one moment and in the next, you don't know how you ended up where you are.” Lexie smiles softly and nods, kissing his skin gently, touched by his concern.

“I will. Promise.” She glances at the clock and her eyes go wide when she sees that it’s almost 4 AM. “What the hell? When did it get so late? Or… early?”

Mark turns to the clock and sighs. They both sit up, Lexie putting on panties and a shirt and sits on the bed as she watches as Mark puts on his boxers and jeans. Lexie’s eyes widen when she hears the others talk downstairs and he opens the door slightly to listen in and sees that the light is still on downstairs.

“Why do you have to live in Meredith’s attic? How am I supposed to sneak out of here with that frat party downstairs? Don’t you kids ever sleep?” Lexie can’t help but bite her lip as she admires his naked back, almost wishing he didn’t have his pants on so she could stare at his ass.

“They’re cleaning the house for Derek’s mother.” Mark closes the door and turns back to her with wide eyes.

“Mrs. Shepherd’s coming? To Seattle?”

“So?”

“So that woman practically raised me, taught me right from wrong. If she found out that I was with you, that we were…” Lexie raises her brows with a cute smile at his words as he clearly struggles to put a name to what they have. They were certainly not just friends who occasionally had sex anymore but she knows Mark is still too scared of his own feelings to admit that.

“You’re Meredith Grey’s little sister, you are forbidden fruit. You are twenty-five. You’re a fetus.” She’s not offended by Mark’s words and just smiles at him.

“Twenty-four, I skipped third grade.” She says, her nose scrunching cutely and apologetically. 

“I feel dirty.” She can’t help the giggle that comes out of her and takes his shirt from her bed and throws it at him, standing up as she walks a few steps towards him.

“C’mon, dirty grandpa. Grow some balls and sneak out, they probably won’t even notice you.” Mark looks at her in fake offense.

“You know damn well I have balls. Big ones. You had them in your mouth like half an hour ago!” Lexie blushes and slaps his shoulder for his comment. He only chuckles as he puts his shirt on. “And I’m happily a dirty grandpa if it means I get to watch you fall apart again.”

She looks at him with a warning in her eyes before he leans down to kiss her again, taking her breath away like he always does. They make out for a few minutes before breaking apart and she pecks his perfect lips a few more times before letting him go.

“Go now. I’ll see you later at work.” He turns around and opens the door but turns to her one more time for one last, long kiss. She smiles softly and watches as he slowly goes down the stairs, still feeling his soft lips on hers.

───────────────────────────────────

A few hours later, Lexie, Izzie and Meredith are walking down the hall, Izzie trying her best to calm Meredith down from her nervousness over meeting Derek’s mother. Meredith sighs deeply, trying to distract herself.

“Can we just talk about something else? To distract me?” Meredith’s gaze switches back and forth between Izzie and Lexie. “Derek said Mark was at the house this morning, apparently wanted to get a drink with him.”

Lexie’s heart stills at that but she does her best not to let it show. 

“At 4 AM in the morning? I didn’t even hear him knocking.” Izzie frowns as she tries to think. “Did you see him anywhere, Lexie?”

Lexie clears her throat as she holds the different charts in her arms, looking away.

“Uh, no, no idea. I was sleeping anyway, don’t really catch too much of what goes on in the house up in the attic.” Both of the women nod in understanding and Lexie is glad to have averted a crisis.

For now.

A few hours later after having gotten some work done, Lexie sits down next to Mark at lunch.

“What are you doing?”

“You sleep with me, you lunch with me. New rule.” Lexie narrows her eyes at him and starts nibbling on a mini carrot. “Derek saw you leave this morning. Mer asked Izzie and me if we saw you.”

Mark sighs at her words, putting his water down.

“He went to the hospital for a consult. Came back right when I left.” Lexie smiles to herself at his words.

“If you hadn’t felt the need to kiss me for five more minutes before you left, that wouldn’t have happened.” Mark looks at her with raised brows but she doesn’t miss the small, soft smile on his face.

The moment is ruined when her fellow interns join the table and she sighs in frustration when Mark gets up, clearly not in the mood to deal with the rest of them which she understands. She puts her straw into her apple juice box and watches as he walks off and talks to Mrs. Shepherd. She turns back to the interns when both of their gazes fall on her, not wanting to be caught staring.

Later on, she has her brief but strange interaction with Derek’s mother since she knows Mark told her that he’s sleeping with her. She knows the older woman is like a mother to Mark so she doesn’t blame her for wanting to make sure that he’s not sleeping with a crazy girl. It makes her laugh internally.

Crazy in the sense that she’s a time traveler but still a decent person.

───────────────────────────────────

“She’s a lovely girl.” Carolyn says, looking at Mark intently.

“A lovely girl… who’s off limits.”

“Baloney. She isn’t the problem, you are. You have very low expectations on yourself, Mark Sloan. Since you were a little boy. You always have. And it’s time to raise them.” Mark sighs at her words, looking down as he feels his insecurities catching up on him. There had been no woman thus far into his life that saw him as more than just a good fuck… until Lexie. Lexie Grey, who treats him with nothing but kindness, Lexie Grey, who trusts him blindly with her body and with her darkest thoughts. He can’t imagine meaning that much to someone.

“She’s twenty-four.”

“And you have the emotional maturity of a fifteen year old. You need young.” Mark chuckles at her words but knows that she’s right. It wasn’t even a matter of his thoughts anymore as he knows that his heart has already decided on it… he wants Lexie. He wants more than just sex and late night sneaking out. He wants to take her out to dinner, he wants to hear every silly thought in her head, he wants to hear about the cases that plague her beautiful mind the most. He says goodbye to Carolyn and thinks about her words as he works for another hour.

After having taken care of their patient, Callie and Mark stand in the elevator after their shift.

“So you wanna get a drink?” Callie asks.

“I would but I have plans.”

Just then, the elevator doors open and Lexie sits there, smiling like the sun at both of them. Mark steps out but stops by the door of the elevator to turn to Callie, encouraging her to not give up just because she had been hurt so many times before. Callie smiles at him and Mark then turns around to Lexie, a sweet smile on his face as they greet each other. They silently walk out of the hospital doors and once outside, Mark takes her hand in his which makes Lexie smile up at him nervously.

“Mer or Derek could still see us, you know?” Mark only smiles down at her and she can clearly see that there’s a change in him and at how he looks at her.

“Yeah. They could.” He squeezes her hand softly and she melts a little, squeezing it back. They walk out of the hospital together and towards his car.

“I don’t think I’ve told you this before but you’re a really wonderful friend to Callie.” Mark’s heart skips a beat at her words and he smiles at her. Lexie smiles back, her eyes crinkling with affection for him and it only makes him dizzier with affection. 

Yeah, he thinks. I can imagine myself being her someone special.

Chapter Text

She doesn’t know how this could happen to her twice.

She was being extra careful, had him in a different position than last time and was very, very gentle and careful with him… And somehow, Lexie manages to break Mark’s penis. Again.

She looks up in horror at him and at his painful cry, not feeling as helpless as last time but just as horrified. She very quickly gegs herself dressed in her scrubs and waits impatiently for Callie. She runs after her as she spots her and quickly explains to her that she had paged her and very embarrassingly explains that she probably broke his bone… his best bone.

Lexie stays outside per Mark’s wish as Callie looks at the damage done. She comes back out to Lexie with a worried expression.

“I have to call Hunt on this.” She says and Lexie nods in panic and worry. She stays next to the door and watches as Owen gives her a confused look when he goes in and joins Callie. Just a few seconds later, they both come back out, Owen looking at Lexie again and nodding at her as if acknowledging her secret relationship with Mark without speaking. Callie turns to her.

“It’s broken but Hunt says he can fix it. I’m gonna book an OR so we can start quickly.” Lexie nods and watches as Callie walks off and then goes back into the room. She looks at Mark apologetically and he sighs, clearly humiliated.

“Hey…” 

“Little Grey, go away. I don’t want you to see me like this.” She sighs at the clearly uncomfortable frown on his face, feeling just as frustrated as last time about his behavior.

“But I’m the reason you’re like this.”

“I’m saying please here. Please.” If it were any other situation, she would think about how cute his puppy eyes looked at her but she knows the situation is serious, more because of his mental state than physical and how he’s pushing her away because he assumes that she doesn’t want him for anything other than sex. She nods and remorsefully leaves the room, her guilt and need to make him understand what he means to her eating her up inside.

Barely half an hour later and she sits in the gallery with the other interns, watching Callie and Owen operate on Mark’s fracture. Obviously anybody can watch the surgery through the gallery but the fact that Mark is so vulnerable without even being conscious about it for her fellow interns to gossip over... It evokes a protectiveness for him that’s so strong and fierce that she’s nearly ready to kick them all out as she hears them talk.

“I heard it was this physical therapist from the rehab floor who does this fancy yoga thing where she, like, turns herself into a pretzel while she’s on top of a guy.”

“She quit two weeks ago.”

“I thought it was Torres.”

“Well, whoever it was is going down in Seattle Grace history. Sloan is a legend. Can you imagine the kinda muscle it takes to break a man like that?” Their consistent gossiping and talking grates on her nerves and she stands up in anger and does something she has done maybe three times up until that point in her life.

She yells.

“That man lying there is your attending! He’s your boss so fucking act like it instead of gossiping like the dumb little school girls you are! You’re here to become surgeons and to save people’s lives and make their day and lives easier, not to involve yourself in stupid hospital trash talk because your lives are so boring that you can’t talk about anything else!” Lexie is sure she could be heard up to outside the hall of the gallery and by the way Callie had looked up at her outburst, even through the glass. Her fellow interns look at her in shock, more about seeing her so angry for the first time than the words she had actually said. Lexie feels her heart beat like crazy in her chest and her face is probably red, her voice slightly hoarse from how loud she had been but she doesn’t care.

That’s the love of my life they’re talking about. Defending him is more important than what they think of me.

“Was it you?” Is all she hears from Steve and all she needs to hear to know that they had clearly not understood her words. She takes a deep breath, almost ready to tell them the truth when Sadie speaks up for her.

“It was me, okay? It was me. I do this twist and shout thing that blows most guys’ minds, and I guess I twisted a little too far and almost took the whole thing off, okay?” Lexie blinks up at Sadie, who looks back at her with a reassuring smile and she had never been happier about the blonde’s presence. She smiles back at her and sits back down, willing to stay calm for the rest of it. Callie and Owen quickly finish operating on Mark and she waits a while until she hears that he’s awake from his anesthesia. Sadie thankfully stands guard for her and she quickly slips into his room.

“Hey.”

“Please go away.” Mark sounds miserable as he speaks and Lexie sighs deeply, sympathetic and frustrated.

“No.”

“Little Grey…”

“No, it’s Lexie. And I’m not going anywhere.” She shuts the blinds of the window in the room and puts her hands on her hips, a stern expression on her face which Mark had never seen before.

“I’m very sorry that I hurt you and that you feel humiliated. But I am not going anywhere. I’m not running away, I’m not bolting for the next exit or trying to find a way to get away from you. I don’t know what’s going on in your head since you won’t talk to me but I’m here, Mark. I’m really, really sorry for what I did. But I will not be sorry for staying and for supporting you however I can. And if this is about you being worried that you think you’re useless to me now because we can’t have sex then please kick that thought out of your head. I’m here for you, Mark. Not just for the fun I have with you.” Her voice is calm and collected as she speaks and her gaze at him dead serious and unwilling to take any more moves of him pushing her away. He looks at her, clearly not having expected that. She points behind her.

“I have a friend guarding the door, okay? And since no one is going to come in, I am now going to climb in bed with you and stroke your hair and cuddle you. Because that’s what I like to have done to me when I’m hurt.” Mark looks at her with wide, clearly skeptical eyes but she doesn’t let that deter her. She climbs in on the side she’s standing on and can see him shift slightly so she has more room. She lays next to him on her side and looks down at him as she’s a bit higher on the bed than him and reaches up with her arm, stroking his hair and face so gently on the opposite side of where she is. Despite her frustration with him, she can’t help the smile on her face as she looks at his defiant face and leans her forehead down against his from the side. She strokes his hair for a few minutes before he breaks the silence.

“What happened to your voice?” His own voice is raspier than usual from not having spoken much and she sighs, her nose nuzzling his cheek the way she always likes to do.

“I… yelled at the interns.” She sees him turn his head, a frown of confusion on his face.

“You? Yelled?” 

“Yes, I yelled, Mark. Because they were behaving like dumb children and I got angry.” Mark raises his brows but doesn’t press further, his head turning forward again and she continues, humming softly as she strokes his hair and rubs her nose on his cheek like a little koala. 

“You know we can’t have sex for six weeks, right?” She opens her eyes as he stares at the ceiling, his voice deflated and even a bit scared. She raises her head and looks down at him.

“I do know because I paid attention in school, Mark. You think I won’t want you now when I can’t have sex with you? Because if you really think that then you’re much dumber than I thought you would be.” Lexie’s voice holds the same stern tone she had earlier and she feels the unnecessary angriness from earlier bubble up. He looks at her in surprise. She sighs, knowing she should ease up on him and shakes her head.

“Sorry. I’m probably getting my period and you’re irritating me, that’s why I’m so angry and unpleasant.” Mark smiles for the first time since his fracture in the on-call room and kisses her cheek. She scoots closer carefully and rests her head on his chest, the other hand going down from his face to gently rub his stomach which makes Mark feel so sleepy but so comforted. He gently strokes her hair as they cuddle.

“So… You really don’t care that we can’t have sex fo six weeks?”

“No, Mark, I don’t. Because I actually enjoy your company and I like you as a person. I wanna spend time with you outside of having a sexual relationship. And I know that scares you and that’s okay… But just let me be there for you, okay? Please?” She gives him her cutest puppy eyes and can see the way Mark can’t even fight himself against the way she pouts up at him. He caresses her cheek gently and sighs.

“Fine. Only because I’ll get bored with nothing else to do.” Lexie can see that Mark tries to act nonchalant but she grins anyway, kissing his cheek. 

She loves him abnormally. Like he’s her soulmate.

───────────────────────────────────

Mark is discharged the next day and ordered to stay home for at least three days which very clearly ruins his mood. He had spent most of his first day moping around in his hotel room watching TV, checking messages, reading books, and watching TV again. Just when he thought he would lose his mind, there’s a knock on the door and Lexie comes in with a bright grin, holding various different bags. Mark glances at her, unable to deny that he already feels better at the sight of her.

“Hi, honey. How was work? I already put the kids to bed.” Mark says playfully and he can see how Lexie pauses in her movements for a split second before laughing at his joke.

“Mhm, very funny. Have you had dinner?”

“No, actually. I’m pretty hungry.” Lexie smiles at that and places her bags by the table, getting out a few different things, especially a big tupperware that smells really good. He watches as she takes a smaller bag and goes to the bathroom, placing it by the sink and realizes it’s a toiletry bag… because she wants to stay here with him. Not permanently but enough to need things for herself when she sleeps over here. The thought sinks into Mark’s head and doesn’t actually disturb him but… makes him happy. Lexie comes back into the room and grabs two forks along with the big box of food.

“I made spaghetti and meatballs for us! I wanted us to eat something for once that was made by a real person.” She climbs onto the bed next to him, her warmth radiating on his body. “Fun fact; Meredith only owns one singular tupperware in her entire house and it's this giant one so we’re both eating out of it. Izzie has tons but keeps them in a locked drawer in her room.”

Mark chuckles at her words as is hit by a wonderful smell as she opens the box. She hands him a fork and holds the container up as they both eat together. Mark lets out a deep groan as he chews his first bite.

“My god, Lex. This tastes so good.” She smiles at him and chuckles at the thought in her head.

“You sound more turned on when you eat my food than when you’re inside me.” Mark nudges her arm playfully with his elbow.

“No sex talk. It hurts already just when I get a boner.” Lexie nods in understanding as they eat.

“What did you even get a boner from?” Lexie is treated to the rare sight of Mark blushing as he adverts his eyes to the TV.

“I… I was really bored today and… thought about you…” Lexie giggles and makes sure there’s no tomato stains on her mouth before she kisses his cheek.

“Well, I’m happy I can be of service. Sort of. I still feel very bad…”

“Don’t be. We didn’t even do anything that wild and it still happened. You can repay me with food like this.” Mark practically shovels down the spaghetti and meatballs and there’s a warm feeling in her chest knowing she made him feel better with something she cooked for them.

“It’s really not that extraordinary. I think your body’s just telling you that it missed something home cooked." She chews on her meatballs as she watches the cartoon playing on the TV.

“This tastes better than anything I’ve ever had since… I mean, probably since moving to Seattle. God, I miss New York sometimes.” Lexie smiles at his words.

“Well, that’s probably because you’ve lived in a hotel since you moved here. But I get that, I miss Boston sometimes.” Mark looks at her in surprise.

“You lived in Boston?”

“Yeah, I went to Harvard for Med School. Did I never tell you about that?” Mark looks at her with a soft smile, almost as if he was proud of hearing that.

“No, you didn’t. But makes sense as to why you’re the smartest intern. You didn’t wanna stay there for your residency? There’s no way Mass Gen didn’t want you.”

“Oh, they did. But I came back to Seattle and started my residency here because of Meredith. I just so badly wanted to meet my big sister and had this fantasy about her which… didn’t turn out to be what I had imagined in my head… which is fine. But at least I have her in my life now.” She glances at Mark who’s looking back at her thoughtfully.

“Are you glad you came here instead of staying in Boston?” Lexie sees the question in his eyes and knows he’s not just asking because of Meredith but also because of him and the role he plays in her life. She leans forward and gives him a very sweet kiss on the lips.

“Very glad. One of the best decisions I could’ve made.” Mark smiles at that and they share an affectionate, loving gaze between each other before they finish their food. Lexie puts the container away and grins up at him as she fishes out something square that's wrapped up in tinfoil and comes back to sit next to him.

“I also made brownies!” Mark raises an eyebrow at her with a playful grin.

“Are you trying to fatten me up?” Lexie giggles at that and unwraps the tinfoil carefully, cursing Meredith once again for not having any other tupperware or for Izzie not being home to borrow one from her.

“Maybe.” She hands him a square of brownies and he moans in delight when he takes a bite. Lexie can’t help but blush at the sound.

“I really don’t recall you sounding this happy when we were doing it.” Mark grins at that and squeezes her thigh playfully.

“Just material for you to keep in mind on the days where you sleep alone in your attic and miss me… In more ways than one.” Lexie blushes furiously at his words, the implication of her masturbating over the next six weeks where they can’t have sex embarrassing her deeply but also definitely turning her on me. She turns forward as she chews on her brownie with a pout.

“I don’t… I don’t…”

“What, masturbate? You should. Normally I would be offended if you were horny and didn’t come to me with it but for the next six weeks you should do it. I would offer to get you off since that doesn’t involve my broken soldier but I think I would go insane if I made you come and couldn’t get myself off after.” Lexie shakes her head as she chews on her brownie, squirming next to him as her mind is now filled with nothing but sexual fantasies. There was a specific thought she has but she decides to bring it up at a later point in time.

“Can we talk about something else? Please?” Mark grins when he sees the effect his words have on her and kisses the side of her head, both of them finishing their brownies.

“God, that was so good.” Lexie smiles as she snuggles up to him.

“You’re gonna get spoiled by me. I’ll make you all the food and desserts you could want.” She rubs his stomach comfortingly, noticing that he really seemed to like when she did it. Mark rubs her back and occasionally plays with her hair.

“You’re an angel.” His voice comes out so soft and Lexie blushes at his words, pressing a soft kiss to his abs through his shirt.

“Anything I can do to make it easier on you, I will do, Mark.” He smiles down at her softly.

“I know. It’s why you’re probably the sweetest person I’ve ever met.” Lexie blushes deeply and closes her eyes as her head rests on his chest, so content and happy to be right where she is. Cuddled up in his arms.

───────────────────────────────────

Six weeks go by where Mark and Lexie spend every moment they can together and it strengthens their bond. 

Mark takes her out for dates, Lexie cooks and bakes at home and brings it to his hotel room and they eat together, they watch movies, they talk and laugh. Lexie falls harder and harder for him like she did the first time and she can see in Mark’s eyes that his affection for her keeps growing.

They’re currently in the elevator and she glances up when Mark hooks his pinkie on hers. She smiles so sweetly that Mark thinks his heart might burst and holds his pinkie until the elevator dings. They go their separate ways until Lexie runs into Meredith who looks at her with narrowed eyes.

“Where have you been?” Lexie blinks at her in surprise and stutters.

“Uhh, n-nowhere.” Her big sister’s eye muster her, calculating her words.

“Have you been drinking at Joe’s?” Lexie shakes her head firmly.

“No, no, I haven’t! I haven’t had alcohol in weeks, I swear! I’ve just been sleeping over at a friend’s, she… broke her leg. And I’ve been doing my best to help her.” Lexie gulps down the lump in her throat, clearly not a good liar but Meredith is thankfully distracted by Cristina walking past and quickly runs after her friend. Meredith turns back around to her.

“This is isn’t finished, Grey!” Lexie sighs as she watches Meredith walk away with Cristina and walks to the locker room to change into her scrubs, wondering how she should handle the situation this time since she didn’t want Mark to get punched in the face by Derek again.

She quickly gets dressed in her scrubs and into a yellow trauma gown since she’s in the ER today. She walks outside to Meredith as they await the ambulance, Lexie feeling scared that her sister might say something.

“So, what’s going on with you and Mark Sloan?” Meredith’s eyes are narrowed as she speaks and Lexie keeps her eyes away. 

“What? No, nothing… What did you think it was?”

“Well, you’ve been on his service for over a week.” Lexie looks back up at Meredith and sees the knowing smile on her sister’s face.

“Well, you know, I’m interested in plastics. I… like faces.” Lexie is saved from the embarrassment when the ambulance arrives and she sighs deeply, knowing she’s in trouble. But she pushes her thoughts aside and focuses on caring for the patients as that’s more important than her personal dilemma. 

She was tasked with taking care of Jen, the pregnant lady that accidentally ran over her husband with the car. She let Meredith know that her blood pressure’s too high and gives her hydralazine to get it down. Before her husband is wheeled into surgery, he lets Lexie know that she likes Cheeseburgers which she thankfully already knew. She gets Jen settled into a room and gets her a cheeseburger and fries from Joe’s which definitely helps in calming her down. Lexie stays with her around the clock, ensuring that she’s okay since Lexie definitely does not want her to die this time. She’s connected by the phone to the OR where Calli and Mark operate on Jen’s husband and the nurse had left the phone off the hanger and would let her know whenever his condition worsens. Lexie is doing charts next to the phone as Jen eats her burger on the hospital bed in front of her when she overhears Callie and Mark talking as they operate and it makes Lexie press the phone to her ear.

“So, clean bill of health from Hunt? You gonna get back on the horse then?” Lexie’s eyes widen in excitement, remembering that Mark had told her yesterday that if Owen cleared him today, he could have sex again.

“I wouldn’t use the word ‘horse”. And no, that’s not gonna work out, things have changed. Probably gonna have to break up with her.” Lexie’s heart stops as she hears those words and she can do nothing but feel her heart break all over. She tries to search her memory for what happened last time but quickly realizes that she had not overheard them talking about this in the OR last time. She gulps down the lump in her throat when they stop speaking about it as Meredith comes in. Her memories come crashing back down when the nurse tells her about Jen’s husbands’ state and she hangs up the phone, remembering that Jen would soon have a seizure. Lexie reassures Jen about her husband and waits until Jen has her seizure since she can’t do anything or alarm Meredith and Derek until it happens. Lexie is fully prepared when it starts and stabilizes Jen very quickly with the help of the nurses and calms the pregnant woman down and goes off to the OR to get Meredith. She puts on a mask as she enters, the troubled Lexie whose head spins with nonstop worries replaced by the professional mask of Dr. Grey.

“Dr. Grey, Jen Harmon had a seizure.” Her big sister and Mark look at her but she pointedly only looks at Meredith.

“A seizure?”

“We got him, Grey. Go help her.” Meredith nods at Callie’s words and Lexie can feel Mark’s eyes drilling into her as she stands by the door and waits for Meredith. They leave the OR together and page Derek for a neuro consult.

Jen is quickly taken care of as Derek sends Meredith away to set up an MRI when Derek tells Jen and Lexie that he’s going to propose. Lexie still had it in the back of her mind that it would happen soon but a piece clicks in her broken heart. This must have been the reason Mark talked to Callie about breaking up with Lexie… because this would officially make her Derek’s sister. She sighs, still feeling angry with him but now knows why and where it comes from, besides Mark’s insecurity about their age difference.

Shortly after, the brain aneurysm in Jen’s brain is discovered and they assure her that they will operate on it tomorrow morning and that she will be okay, Mark pages her to their on-call room, 3C. Lexie sighs and makes her way there, even if she doesn’t want to see or talk to Mark right now. She takes a deep breath before going in. 

“Hi.” Mark grins from ear to ear at her and she closes the door behind her, her expression guarded. She looks up at him, her face or her gaze not readable to him like it usually is.

“I think you need to reevaluate what you want, Mark.” His smile drops and she looks as serious as ever.

“Sorry?”

“I don’t want to keep this a secret anymore. I’m tired of sneaking around and lying to everyone. I’m also 90% sure that Meredith knows about us but my point is… We’re having…” She takes a deep breath, the words almost refusing to come out of her mouth. “... a relationship. This is a real relationship and I feel so, so much for you. So if you want to break up and have sex again with other girls, please just tell me now before I develop even more feelings for you. And if you wanna keep me around and prove to me that you want this, that you want me as more than your sex friend, you need to be ready to tell Derek about it.” She breathes out the breath she had been holding and looks at him one last time before she turns around and leaves the room again, her heart heavy. She doesn’t know if a different choice of words would help her this time but she knows she feels just as crappy as she did last time.

After her shift, Lexie sits at Joe’s bar, drinking again for the first time in weeks since she doesn’t have Mark to turn to that to keep her occupied and happy. Callie comes into the bar and sits down next to her and she can see how unhappy the older woman looks. Lexie is determined to have a better relationship with her and inevitably Arizona in this timeline since she knows her life would be very intertwined with theirs because of her relationship with Mark.

“You okay?” Lexie asks, genuine worry in her eyes. She tentatively places a hand on Callie’s arm who sighs.

“I feel like I should ask you that.” Callie says with a self deprecating chuckle. Lexie smiles lightly at her and rubs her arm.

“It’ll be fine. Or not. Depends on whatever Mark’s decide to do but that’s his choice to make.” Lexie says calmly. Callie turns to her with raised brows.

“You’re not freaking out as much as I thought you would be.”

“Oh, I definitely am but on the inside.” Callie smiles at that and Lexie catches the sight of Arizona a few chairs away, the blonde woman clearly unable to take her eyes off of Callie. Lexie hops off of her bar stool and approaches her, the amount of alcohol in her and her knowledge from the future definitely making her brave but her determination to at least make someone’s day fuels her actions.

“Dr. Robbins?”

“Oh, hi! Lexie Grey, right? Just call me Arizona.” Lexie smiles at her.

“Arizona. Please come with me.” The elder woman looks at her in surprise but follows her and Lexie directs her to sit on the chair next to Callie.

“Callie, this is Dr. Arizona Robbins, peds surgeon. Arizona, this is Dr. Callie Torres, ortho surgeon but you already know that because every time she walks by you in the hallway, you’re unable to take your eyes off of her. And judging by Callie’s taste in women, Arizona is exactly what you would want and need right now.” Both of them stare at Lexie in surprise, clearly shocked by the fact that Lexie was basically setting them up. She grabs her martini and downs it in one, leaving money on the bar for her drinks before she puts each of her hands on their shoulders, mostly explaining her situation to Arizona.

“I’m not gonna have sex with my boyfriend tonight after we couldn’t do it for six weeks because I broke his penis. So for my sake, please do it in my name tonight. And if not, at least have a good date. Okay? See you tomorrow.” With that, Lexie grabs her jacket and bag, leaving the women bewildered and shocked. Lexie only grins, her tipsiness bordering on being drunk but at least she had some amusement from playing cupid.

If only she could do it so simply in her own relationship.

Chapter Text

It had been a hard night.

It’s the first time since Lexie had been snapped back into the past that alcohol didn’t make her sleep. She had come home and gone up to her room, expecting to fall asleep but instead had lied awake. It hadn’t been a good idea to go back downstairs and drink a beer that she didn’t even like just for the sake of getting alcohol into her system. Or to find a half empty wine bottle on the shelf that she had downed by herself. Or to down a few tequila shots from Izzie’s stash.

She was awake the entire night and none of the extra alcohol she had drunk had helped her in any way. Instead, she locks herself into one of the bathrooms and throws up the small amount of food she had consumed that day. She takes a very, very cold shower in the morning and tests her alcohol level with a breathalyzer and is glad to find no trace of it anymore since she had chugged so much water and had to pee probably every twenty minutes. Her head still hurts, every single noise is too loud and she feels like absolute shit, physically and mentally. 

But she pushes through. That’s what she always does.

Her and the other interns were taking part in a game that Izzie had made for them and Lexie was basically flying through it to her own surprise since she really doesn’t feel great physically. She approaches Mark since she had to ask him for the symptoms on his card and looks at him, hoping he wouldn’t notice anything about her physical appearance.

“Well, right now I’m battling a rapid heart rate. I’m also feeling a little flushed. I don’t even want to mention what’s going on below the belt.” She frowns when she realizes that he’s not telling her the actual symptoms on the card and shakes her head.

“No, I don’t do dirty, secret flirting with you anymore. If you wanna go public with me, I’ll flirt with you. Publicly, not dirtily.” She hates how he steps closer, his cologne and natural scent hitting her nose and she looks up at him, smiling softly. For a split second, the smell of him drowns out the smell of alcohol that she doesn’t seem to be able to escape since last night. “Maybe a little dirty. Would you please tell me your symptoms so I can concentrate?”

She gets her answer out before he even finishes and gloats triumphantly, not paying much attention to George telling Sadie off for having listened in as she keeps going. She eventually wins the competition, as expected and is happy to help Derek with Jen’s craniotomy, something she would have gotten without the competition anyway. She’s still happy about it when Mark approaches her hesitantly.

“Dr. Grey. It would appear congratulations are in order.”

“Thank you, Dr. Sloan.”

“I’d also like it acknowledged that I offer these congratulations professionally and respectfully. Without any innuendo or inappropriate body language.” Lexie smiles affectionately at him and thanks him again. She hears him giggle when she asks what a doomsday sucker is and gets introduced to Addison, who’s there with her brother who Derek operated on, as if she hadn’t already known her… which Addison obviously doesn’t know about. Weird time travel brain. Derek comes over and tells Lexie that they’ll operate on Jen’s brain aneurysm now and she nods happily.

She watches with raised brows as Addison almost spills out that her and Mark are dating which Mark quickly deflects. She sighs and Derek and her leave to the OR to take care of Jen.

Unlike last time, there are no complications with Jen’s operation and Lexie sighs in relief, glad to know that she will be able to live a happy life with her husband and their baby. There’s a split second where she talks to Jen as she takes post-op vitals where she imagines Mark and herself in that position, possibly having a baby at some point and getting married and how he would propose… She kicks that thought out of her head quickly. 

Right now, she has to jump over other hurdles with him.

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It’s the next day when Lexie stands by the nurse’s desk and takes notes. She had once again doused herself full of alcohol last night but to no avail as she couldn’t sleep once again, the bags under her eyes and the fact that she hadn’t actually eaten in two days making her cranky and irritable and so, so damn tired. She sighs deeply walks off with her clipboard when she hears Mark approach her.

“Good Morning Dr. Grey.” He hands her one of the coffee cups and she takes it begrudgingly.

“Yeah, you can keep your secret coffee. Until you tell Derek, our relationship is gonna continue to consist of you hiding in the attic and me smuggling snacks past Mer’s bedroom. Do you know what that makes you?”

“Your boyfriend?” Lexie blinks for a second and despite having already heard those words in this exact situation, she doesn’t expect it, doesn’t expect him to finally name their relationship that way, to call himself her boyfriend. It makes such a warm, fuzzy feeling bloom in her chest and she wonders how Mark manages to make her fall in love with him all over again for maybe the hundredth time. She swallows the lump in her throat and sees Mark grinning at her, clearly amused by how he had caught her off guard.

“It looks like I’m having an affair. An affair except that I’m not cheating on anyone. It’s like…” Lexie sighs, her hands in the air. “It’s like you’re dating Derek and have to tell him that you’ve cheated on him. You know? I’m just tired of it! Just imagine how nice it would be if I cooked for us and we could actually eat together. At the table. On plates! Not out of tupperware we have to share!” Mark has to hide his chuckle at her words but sighs softly, knowing she’s serious.

“I’m gonna tell him. Soon. And when I do, you'll be my date to the wedding.” Lexie’s eyes light up in joy.

“Derek proposed?”

“Well, not yet. But when he does.” Lexie softens at his words, seeing the honesty in them and how much this means to him. Mark frowns softly and brushes a thumb against her cheek which she feels like is a dangerous move but she doesn’t care right now, too deprived of Mark to care in that moment.

“I’m worried about you. You don’t look like you’ve been sleeping.” Lexie sighs and looks down.

“Yeah. I haven’t.”

“You don’t look like you’ve eaten either.” Lexie looks up at him, her eyes reflecting how tired she is.

“I have.”

“And what did you eat?” Lexie looks away onto the ground, not being able to look up at Mark and lie to his face. He sighs and places a hand on her shoulder, even if he would rather take her into his arms and hold her like she hadn’t let him the last few days.

“We’re gonna go to the cafeteria together and you’re gonna eat something. Okay, baby?” He says the last two words in a whisper and they make her heart so warm. She has tears prickling in her eyes and nods, scared that she’ll burst out crying if she speaks. She wonders almost for a second why she’s making things so hard for herself but remembers her own consciousness screaming at her to keep things as accurate as they had been the first time. They walk to the cafeteria together, her arm brushing his and she realizes then how much she had missed his presence.

Maybe she shouldn’t have outright forbidden any touching until he’d tell Derek.

They walk into the cafeteria and Lexie has already shut her brain down, needing Mark to just take care of her now. He had always been good at that, at knowing her needs and wants and knowing when Lexie’s day had been so full of stress and losing patients and drama with her friends or sister that he had to take the reins for her. She had never, ever minded, happily welcomed the trust that comes with letting go that way and letting someone take care of her completely. 

He got her a sub, some chips and a cookie which would at least help her for now. They sit down at a quieter corner and Lexie can feel her body thanking her when she finally begins to eat. Mark watches her every movement, committed to making sure that she’s okay and eats. She finishes everything and drinks from her water and finally looks back up at him as he places a gentle hand on her arm.

“Thank you. I didn’t realize I needed this.” Mark’s heart swells at her words and he wants nothing more than to kiss her in that moment. Instead, he squeezes her arm.

“You’re my girlfriend. I gotta take care of you, it’s my job.” Lexie’s heart flutters once again at his words and she smiles sweetly.

“Your girlfriend…” Lexie says and Mark chuckles softly and nod.

“Mhm. My girlfriend.” Mark squeezes her hand again and nods. Lexie sighs as she looks at him dreamily.

“I just wanna kiss you stupid right now.”

“I know. Me too.” They smile at each other, basking in each other’s presence until Mark is paged. She watches him go as she goes off to continue her work, wistfully staring at his back until he’s gone. She sighs, despite having lived through all of it already not feeling quite so faithful in herself or this new future she’s creating.

───────────────────────────────────

Mark is scared. Probably for the first time in years.

He remembers how scary it was to come to Seattle and to speak to Derek after him and Addison were caught. He hadn’t been scared of possibly getting into a fist fight with Derek but more of the rejection that might come from the man he considers his best friend, his brother.

He’s even more scared now than back then.

He walks into Derek’s office who’s sitting by the desk, writing something down.

“There he is, the legend himself.” Mark comes in and sits down on the couch behind Derek who chuckles.

“Are you drunk? Should I be worried?”

“And he’s got his sense of humor back. How’s your patient?”

“She’s good, stable. Today’s the first day in a long time that I remember what it feels like to be good at my job.” Mark continues to praise him which Derek seems to find increasingly weird, clearly knowing that Mark is up to something.

“Derek, there’s something we need to discuss.”

“Go ahead and have sex with Addison.” Mark frowns, surprised by Derek’s words.

“Addison? I don’t wanna have sex with Addison.”

I do wanna have sex with Lexie. Badly. I miss her. Mark shakes himself out of those thoughts. 

“Really? Well, what did you want to discuss?” Derek looks at him intently and Mark buckles under the pressure, not able to say the words out loud.

“Nothing.”

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Lexie frowns when Mark pages her and she does her best to get to him quickly. He’s in front of their on-call room and she approaches him worriedly. She can’t attempt to ask what’s wrong as he starts rambling, something she’s never seen him do.

“I couldn’t do it on my own. I’m a coward, Lexie. An incredibly selfish coward and I need you to come with me to tell him. Like a little boy that needs his mom to rip off the bandaid. Please, please, please say you’ll come with me.” She watches as he paces back and forth and eventually stops and looks at her. She wonders briefly if her showing more love and affection due to being so deeply in love with him now had changed and made him trust her more to be surprisingly vulnerable with Lexie. Her heart melts at his begging eyes.

“Of course I’ll come with you. You could’ve said that in the first place.” Mark sighs in relief and she looks at him softly. “C’mon. Let’s go find him.”

It takes them a few minutes of wandering around until they find Derek in the CT room for a new patient, conveniently enough with Meredith. They both go inside and Lexie closes the door behind her. Her older sister and almost brother in law look up at them in confusion but it quickly clicks for Meredith since she had figured it out already.

“Mark, Lexie. You look worried, what’s wrong?” Derek looks at them in concern, fiddling with the pen in his hands. Lexie takes a deep breath as she looks at him and takes Mark’s hand, intertwining their fingers.

“Mark and I have been dating for two months. I know what you’re thinking and I know what you’re gonna say and I want you to know that the start of this was not him. I initiated the start of this relationship and Mark kept trying to convince me that it was wrong and that he couldn’t do it because of the promise he made to you. It went so far that it made him insecure of our relationship and I won’t allow that, not a single second more of it. I am very proud to be with Mark Sloan and you, both of you, can have whatever opinion you want on it because I don’t care. I’m a grown woman, I’m old enough to form my own opinion and to be with whoever I want to be. We’re not asking for your permission, we’re simply letting you know about it.”

Derek’s face shows his anger and disappointment whilst Meredith is unreadable as her eyes dart back and forth between the two of them. He turns his chair back to the front and glances at Meredith who gives him a shrug, as if to say that it wasn’t that big of a deal to her. Derek turns back around to them, looking at Mark.

“Exactly what part of not getting near Lexie did you not understand?” Mark looks down guiltily and Lexie frowns at Derek.

“He understood you perfectly well but neither of you ever told me not to go after Mark.” Meredith’s brows raise at that and Derek sighs, holding a hand in front of his eyes. Lexie swallows the lump in her throat.

“Derek. I’m very sorry about the fact that you didn’t get what you want but I am happy. Mark is happy. And I’m not asking you to immediately be okay with this but I’m asking you to understand.” Derek gets up from his chair and stand up, looking down at Lexie sternly.

“You are not in the right mind for a relationship. Not if you keep drinking the way you do.” Lexie feels hurt at his words and Meredith stands up, putting one hand on his arm.

“Derek.”

“No. We live in the same house, don’t you think I notice things? You don’t sleep, you don’t eat and you drown yourself in alcohol at home. You’re out of your mind if you think you can handle a serious relationship with the state that you’re in, let alone with someone like Mark who’s never had a serious relationship! You’re an alcoholic, Lexie and you two together are doomed!” Derek’s voice gets louder and Lexie only looks at him with tears in her eyes, the situation overwhelming her. She doesn’t recall any of the scenarios she had lived through again being as different as this one and to be unprepared and having to fear how it would affect the future didn’t do anything good to her panicking brain. Before she can turn around and leave, she sees Mark pulling her back and punching Derek square in the face. She gasps as Derek punches him back and Meredith and her do their best to pull them apart. Her heart races as Mark finally lets her pull him off and she takes one more look at Derek and Meredith before pulling Mark out of the room and straight to Callie so he can get his very bruised hand looked at.

She thankfully treats him quickly, determining that his hand is not broken but very bruised and that Lexie should make sure it’s iced well. She thanks the older woman and turns to Mark, seeing his bruised face that makes her heart break.

“I’m so, so sorry, baby.” She places a gentle hand on his arm. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Yes. Yes, I did.” Mark is so sure, she can tell by the tone in his voice that he believes he did the right thing. He looks up at her, his eyes so honest and bare and open with her. “He was saying terrible things to you. About you.”

“Yeah… but he wasn’t wrong.” Lexie keeps her gaze down hesitantly and Mark sighs.

“But why? I never see you drinking excessively.” Lexie looks back up at him shyly.

“Because I don’t need to with you. You remember that I told you that I only needed it to make me sleep? Well, I don’t need it when I sleep next to you. I feel so safe and comforted and loved and… I never have nightmares when you hold me.” Mark look at her intently as he does his best to understand her. Lexie steps closer, her heart aching at the sight if him, battered and bruised. “If I was alcoholic, I would crave it and drink at work. But I don’t. The last two nights it didn’t help me sleep so I drank more than usual.”

Mark knows she’s telling the truth when she looks into his eyes since Lexie is a bad liar. He nods and holds her hand with his good one.

“I believe you, Lex. I promise. We’re just gonna make sure from now on that you always sleep by my side, hm?” Mark grins at her, trying to make her laugh. “I mean, I won’t complain.”

It works because Lexie giggles and shakes her head at his words.

“My silly boyfriend.” She brushes through his hair, careful of his eyebrow. “You do look very hot like this. Kind of like a bad boy from my high school fantasies.”

Mark laughs at that, really laughs, from deep down his belly and so does Lexie, unable to contain her joy when he’s joyful. She goes with him and waits as he changes into his normal clothes before they get in the car, Mark driving them to the hotel. The ride is in silence but they exchange loaded glances and excited smiles since they both know what they were about to do after six torturous weeks that were made longer because of Lexie’s need to have her relationship be official.

They get food from Joe’s on their way to the hotel and once inside the room, snuggle up on the bed together and eat as they trash talk about the reality show that’s playing on TV. Lexie feeds Mark fries and he feeds her chicken tenders and it’s so cozy and domestic and sweet. Lexie had missed Mark… she misses him every second that she’s not with him. She gets up and throws the trash away from their food and gets back on the bed next to him. She snuggles closely and sighs softly, feeling bone tired from her two sleepless nights but not wanting to disappoint him. She kisses a small spot on his neck with half lidded eyes, her other hand rubbing his stomach. Mark looks down at her so affectionately.

“Baby, your eyes are practically falling down. Go to sleep.” Lexie sighs sadly.

“But you’ve been waiting for this. I wanted to do this for you because of what you did for me…”

“And you can still do it tomorrow when you’ve had a good night’s sleep. You don’t need to do anything for me. I only want what you want.” Lexie melts at his words and sighs, cuddling him closely.

“I’m really, really sorry. I promise we’ll do it tomorrow, okay? Gonna cook and bake for you too.”

Mark smiles softly and nods, kissing her forehead. The exhaustion of the day catches up to both of them and they fall asleep next to each other, united again.

Chapter Text

Everyone knows.

The nurses, the interns, the residents, the attendings. Every single person in the hospital now knows that Lexie and Mark are dating and she could hear all of them drop their unnecessary opinions at every corner. Lexie has tougher skin now than the first time this happened so she doesn’t care much but to hear other interns whispering about what she and Mark do in bed is still weird and strange. She sees him standing by the desk and approaches him with a smile, softly touching his good hand.

“Hey.” She glances down at his bruised hand, her face contorted apologetically. “I… I’m so sorry. I… This is all my fault. Has… Has he spoken to you?” Mark looks at her  tenderly and gently squeezes her shoulder.

“No, he’s still sulking. If anything, he should speak to you first.” Lexie sighs and looks down.

“Yeah, maybe… Maybe I should talk to him?” Mark frowns.

“Absolutely not. He’s an asshole for what he said and you know it.” Mark’s voice is stern and protective and Lexie sighs, watching as he walks off. 

It’s going to be a long and difficult road to make amends with Derek.

───────────────────────────────────

Her shift had gone by quickly and she makes her way to Mark, who is waiting for her in the hall. She smiles and takes his unharmed hand and holds it in hers, gently kissing his cheek, feeling happy to be able to kiss him publicly. A small crease of a frown forms on her forehead when she sees him wince from pain.

“We’ll ice it at the hotel. Wasn’t the pain supposed to be going away by now?” Mark looks away guiltily.

“Yeah… If I hadn’t done a hare lip reconstruction, a tympanoplasty and pulled out a burn graft.” Lexie’s eyes narrow at him.

“Are you insane? You weren’t even supposed to be operating yet! No wonder your hand hurts. I don’t feel bad now, you know? That’s on you.” Lexie turns her head away defiantly.

“I know, I know. But I couldn’t operate the last three days either and didn’t want the patients to wait any longer.” Lexie peeks up at his words and her heart melts again. She may be stern with him for not listening to his body but he’s her selfless man, as always. She turns away though, not wanting to give in immediately. Mark pouts at her and kisses her cheek.

“Don’t be mean to me, Lex. Look at my face and remember how hot I look, all bruised up because I protected your honor.” Lexie can’t help but laugh at his words and shakes her head, endeared by her boyfriend.

They stop at a local pizza spot and eat their dinner there before arriving at Mark’s hotel room again. It’s almost a domestic sight, brushing their teeth next to each other, getting changed into comfortable clothes, the bag of Lexie’s toiletries by the sink, a bag of some of her clothes by the nightstand. They lay down on the bed together, Lexie’s head leaned on Mark’s shoulder as they hold hands together.

“I think I wanna move out of this place. Get a real apartment, y’know?” Lexie’s heart stops at that, knowing this conversation would come up sooner or later. Instead of cowering away from the idea of a future with him, she would welcome it the way she should have the first time around when he would eventually ask her. She squeezes his hand.

“Good idea. But please don’t do it just because we’re both scared of going to Meredith’s to face our two enemies.” Mark laughs at that and turns to her, his arm around her waist and his mouth pressing soft kisses on her neck.

“Nah, I just want a place of my own. Staying here just… doesn’t feel real sometimes.” Lexie can’t concentrate on his words as his mouth places wet kisses on her neck and his hand travels up her stomach, squeezing her breast softly, only covered by her shirt. She moans softly and presses her thighs together, feeling how much she needs a relief after so long of not having sex.

“M-Mark…”

“Shh, sweetheart. It’s okay, I’m here. Don’t wanna rush this, wanna enjoy you.” Lexie squirms as he slowly turns her to her back, him above her. She sits up for a second to take her shirt off and he wastes no time in ravishing her breasts, a nipple in his mouth and his fingers teasing the other.

“Mhmmm… I missed this so much…” Lexie’s hair is splayed around her like a halo and she moans in a way that makes it clear that she’s missed her boyfriend after so long. Mark grins softly and gently presses himself down against her thigh, letting her feel how hard he is through his sweatpants and boxers.

“I’ve been this hard since we left the hospital. I got this hard from just holding hands with you.” Lexie giggles at his words.

“Mrs. Shepherd was right. You do have the emotional maturity of a horny fifteen year old. Although, I kinda do too considering I find what you just said really hot.” Mark laughs at her words and silences her giggles by kissing her, so passionately and as if he needs to kiss her like he needs oxygen. Lexie moans into it and Mark breaks away, kissing his way down her body, much more impatient than usual which she can’t blame him for. He takes her panties off in record time and she’s a moaning mess beneath him when he dives right into her between her thighs. Lexie can barely catch her breath at the speed he’s eating her out, almost as if he shut his brain off to concentrate on giving her all the pleasure she wants and needs. She pulls at his hair tightly which only turns him on more and she lets out breathless moans, unable to comprehend a single thought in her head.

“B-Baby…. Ohhhh…” Lexie’s brain can barely comprehend the pleasure she’s feeling as Mark switches from lapping and sucking on her clit to teasing her folds with his tongue. His hand slides down from her thigh and he goes in with two fingers and Lexie feels dizzy from pleasure. His pace is fast, hard and unrelenting, clearly wanting her to come quickly and it works, thanks to the weeks they’ve gone with no sex in any form. She feels stars explode behind her eyes, her moans loud and audible, possibly to the entire hotel floor. Her legs feel like jelly as she slowly lets them down but gasps in surprise when Mark wraps his arms around her thighs, tightly locking his head in between them as his hands rest on her stomach. She’s even more surprised when he keeps going with his mouth and tongue, making Lexie writhe and squirm, every part of her skin on fire and burning in a metaphorical sense.

“M-Mark, wha… What are you… doing…. Oh god, oh fuck…” Mark grins at her words and looks up at her, his eyes holding a deep desire and lust that leaves her breathless.

“You’re gonna come as many times as I want you tonight, baby. You get that? I control your pleasure.” He goes right back into eating her out and Lexie feels a wave of pleasure wash over herself at his words that she feels like she shouldn’t be feeling. They have had relatively vanilla sex up until this point but Mark acting this dominant towards her? It thrills her with indescribable pleasure. The noises Mark makes as he continues to eat her out are downright sinful, just like the noises she’s making, her whimpers and moans getting to Mark’s head. She can feel how sensitive she already is from her first orgasm but it only heightened with Mark’s dedication to ruin her. Lexie feels tears prickling at her eyes when he alternates between lapping at her clit like a mad man and sucking it, even grazing his teeth against it at some points. She had never felt pleasure this strong and this all consuming before. She can’t even escape him because his arms are locked in around her thighs, holding them in place with a strength she didn’t know he had. It doesn’t take much more before she’s coming again against his mouth, feeling her wetness coat his mouth. She feels him thankfully loosen the grip on her thighs and doesn’t let him ravish her for more than a few seconds after her second orgasm before pulling him up by his hair. His ocean blue eyes are now dark with desire and his mouth is wet, his beard glistening in the light. Lexie breathes out weakly and Mark grins at her state, smashing his lips down on hers and letting her taste herself. He rubs her sides gently, doing his best in getting her down after two intense orgasms.

“You okay, baby?” His forehead leans on hers as he breaks the kiss and looks down at her. Lexie only manages to make a weak, whining sound and Mark chuckles, kissing her face gently. Her head and brain feel so empty and void of any coherent thought.

“It’s okay, baby. Don’t have to think right now. Just enjoy being in my arms.” Lexie nods as Mark lies down on his side and she cuddles him tightly. She does the thing she loves so much where she nuzzles her nose against his cheek and it makes him smile affectionately. It takes her a while to come back to herself but she finally does, her head a little clearer and her mind a bit more awake.

“That was… insane.” She manages to get out, her voice hoarse to her surprise. “Did… Oh my god, was I screaming?”

Mark chuckles and kisses the tip of her nose. “Yeah, you were, baby. You sounded beautiful though.”

“Oh god. I hope no one complains.” Mark chuckles again and kisses her cheek, his heart so affectionate and endeared by her.

“I know that was a lot and I’m glad you liked it but in case it ever gets too much, we should have a safe word. Something that either of us can say that will snap us out when we’re having sex so the other person will be okay.”

“Cristina Yang.” Lexie grins and Mark frowns in confusion.

“What?”

“Cristina Yang. That’s our safe word. It’s not a person we would ever mention when we have sex and we would both immediately get turned off when we’re doing it.” They both laugh as Lexie finishes explaining and Mark shakes his head.

“Alright. That’s gonna be our safe word.”

“Do you not want to repeat it because you’re scared your boner will go away?”

“Yes?” Lexie laughs loudly at Mark’s confirmation and kisses him softly and looks into his eyes playfully. “The inside of my thighs are probably red from your beard. It scratches, y’know?”

“Mhh. Remind me to never shave it.” Lexie giggles as he reaches to her face, rubbing his beard against her cheeks.

“You’re so silly.” She feels him slowly shift her onto her back as he hovers above her again. She hums as they make out slowly and she pulls his boxers down, biting her lip as she sees how hard he is. She gently takes him into her hand and sees how badly he needs the relief he hasn’t been able to have for weeks. Lexie is careful as she touches him and Mark can tell instantly.

“Lex… Baby, it’s healed, I promise… Go crazy on it…” She scrunches her nose at his words, amusement in her eyes.

“That was bad dirty talk. Don’t tell me to go crazy on your dick!” Mark laughs and kisses her gently, leaning down to take his length out of her hand into his own as he guides it down to between her thighs. She moans loudly when he rubs his tip over the folds and her clit, still sensitive from the way Mark had eaten her out. She gasps softly, gripping the sheets and before she can beg him to put it in, he’s already inside. That moment feels so fulfilling for both of them, their first time having actual sex in six weeks besides that it’s also the first time since their public relationship. Mark wastes no time in moving inside of her and Lexie moans desperately, hissing softly.

“M-Mark… Oh god…” He silences her by kissing her heatedly, passion and love crackling in the air between them. They stare into each other’s eyes as they take small breaks for oxygen in between making out and it feels so intimate and soft, the way Mark’s thrusts hit slowly but with precision, the way Lexie holds so much trust in her eyes for him. They’re both desperate, both wanting their release, especially Mark, but he keeps going slowly and watches as Lexie lets out a little whimper with every hard thrust inside her. He kisses her neck desperately, devouring her.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, Lex. My beautiful girlfriend. My pretty, sweet, caring girl. You don’t know how much you mean to me.” Lexie’s eyes well with tears at his words and she’s distracted by Mark’s pace picking up. Her deep brown hair looks so beautiful around her and she bites her lip, unable to think straight.

“M-Mark… I love you so much…” She doesn’t even notice the look in Mark’s eyes, how he gasps and stutters in his thrusts. Lexie opens her eyes slowly, only now realizing what she had said but can’t think properly as Mark starts to fuck her hard and relentless, holding her legs up for a different angle. Lexie gasps softly, moans and whimpers falling from her lips so sinful. Mark looks down at her and kisses her before looking deep into her eyes.

“I love you too, Lexie.” 

That’s all it takes for her to come for a third time that night and Mark shortly after, both of them dizzy with pleasure and affection. They take their time coming down from their orgasms and Mark slowly pulls out of her, laying down to cuddle her smaller body into his. Lexie immediately curls up as Mark wraps his arms around her.

“I meant it, you know? I really do love you.”

“I know. I love you too.” Lexie smiles at his reply and kisses his sweaty shoulder softly, enjoying his natural scent. They lie there together for a while, cuddling and exchanging ‘I love you’s’ since they can until Mark rolls Lexie over and onto her stomach. She blinks up sleepily at him.

“Mh?” She can only see Mark grinning, one hand squeezing one of her butt cheeks softly and she gasps with realization, looking up at him weakly.

“Mark, I’ve already had three orgasms just tonight!” He kisses down her naked back, lightly biting her ass before positioning himself behind her, his hands on her waist.

“I know. And I’m giving you more.”

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Lexie is beside herself.

She’s still concentrated and does her work well but her mind isn’t quite there. Not after Mark had his way with her two more times and up until 3 AM with her, giving her two hours of sleep before starting her early rounds. She’s barely coherent enough today, constantly walking into someone or even into a wall. She’s charting by the desk, not noticing Meredith coming up and talking to her. Lexie finally blinks and looks at her big sister.

“What?” Lexie says and Meredith looks at her with a frown, concerned.

“Are you drunk?” Lexie looks at her incredulously.

“Are you crazy? No, I’m not drunk, Mer!” Her big sister studies her intently and leans close to smell her, clearly not smelling of alcohol. 

“Alright, you’re not. What is going on with you then?”

“Nothing.” Lexie replies quickly. Meredith doesn’t believe her but drops the topic, genuinely worried now.

“You haven’t been home in two days.”

“I know. I’m staying with Mark right now… I figured it would be best to avoid Derek.” Meredith sighs at her sister’s words and leans on the desk.

“I know what he said was terrible, Lexie. And I don’t expect you to forgive him immediately. But one of you has to start talking to each other.” Lexie sighs deeply.

“I’m sorry but you don’t get to decide that, Meredith. What he said was not something in the heat of the moment. It was clearly something he had thought and talked about.” Lexie slams her chart shut, getting angrier as she speaks. “Most likely with you. So I really don’t want to hear this right now.”

Lexie walks in the other direction, ignoring Meredith’s eyes drilling into her back. She’s not ready or mature enough to talk to Derek first so the older man who’s so much like a brother to her would have to make the first move because Lexie still feels hurt remembering the way Derek had spoken to her and his choice of words.

Lexie finds Cristina and follows her as they go to a patient’s room together where every intern and resident is as well for a patient’s very important face transplant. The details are discussed in length and Mark and Owen ask questions to get the interns to understand what exactly would happen in the surgery and what was important. She could tell that the other interns were annoyed by the fact that she answered perfectly and had their own thoughts on the fact that she was now publicly dating Mark and possibly being favored by him but she really couldn’t care less this time. She had let herself be intimated by others but that wouldn’t happen now.

After some discrepancies with Mr. Young’s fear of facing his friends so they could help take care of him after the surgery, Lexie and Mark finally stand in the OR together to complete the face transplant. She feels just as thrilled and excited as the first time as she got to do it with Mark the first time around and beams as they carefully place the new face on him.

“Good. Very good, Dr. Grey.” Lexie looks up at Mark with love and amusement, knowing what he’s trying to do by praising her. She sees the other interns laughing up in the gallery but one deadly glare from Lexie shuts them up within seconds. She turns back to concentrate and Mark looks at her intently. 

“You just looked at them like you look at me when I forget to put my clothes away.” Mark speaks lowly enough for no one but her to hear him. She grins under her mask.

“And in both cases, it’s deserved.”

They complete the surgery together and the reward of David getting to see his new face reminds Lexie of why she chooses this job, made even better by the fact that she got to do it with the man she loves. The moment had been such a core memory for her in their relationship back then and it still is now.

She stands by the computer, typing away as the interns gossip and stare at her. Lexie gives them direct glares as she tries to complete her work on David’s surgery report but can’t focus as they can’t stop gossiping to each other. She walks a few paces towards them and looks at them sternly, her eyes reflecting how fed up she is.

“You guys can gossip and talk amongst yourselves all you want. That I got to help with the surgery today because the surgeon is my boyfriend and he favors me over you guys.” She leans closer, her nostrily flaring with anger. “The truth is that I am smarter than all of you guys combined. I complete my work flawlessly, I was the only one not involved in your insane impromptu appendix removal, I can always answer a question perfectly when one of the attendings asks me anything. That’s why I was picked to do this surgery with Dr. Sloan. So if any of you thought you would’ve had a chance to put a new face onto someone at this stage of your residency, you are stupider than I thought. I would have been the resident to do it regardless of who I’m sleeping with or not.”

Lexie’s voice drips with venom that she has never quite heard herself with ever before and the interns look downright intimidated and humiliated by her. Her experiences and her newfound knowledge of the future have changed her, her protectiveness over her relationship with Mark heightened so she has no qualms about putting the interns in their place. As if called upon, Mark enters through the door and looks at the interns with raised brows. Lexie doesn’t give him another second to say anything and smashes her lips onto his. She can tell how surprised he is but he kisses her back immediately, clearly wanting her to know how appreciated and loved she is by him. She breaks away and smiles softly, taking a deep breath. Mark looks behind him and sees the interns scouring away and he turns back to her.

“How do I deserve that?” Lexie smiles and gives him another peck.

“Just needed to put some interns in their place. I don’t care if they’re convinced that you’re taking advantage of me or that I’m using you. I know that we’re beautiful together and that we can adapt to a hostile environment.” Mark smiles down at her fondly and they kiss once more before they break away. Lexie gives him one last sweet smile that he’ll achingly miss before she steps away and walks off to check on a few patients. 

Just as she walks out of the last room, she’s met with Derek who stands in front of her. His expression is unreadable and Lexie looks at him for a few minutes before continuing her path. Derek follows her, looking down remorsefully like a puppy but Lexie doesn’t mind him, doesn't speak to him or pay him any mind. She hears him sigh behind her.

“Lexie…”

“What?” She turns around with raised brows. “What do you need, Dr. Shepherd?”

“Lexie, please. I’m sorry… Very sorry. What I said was cruel and harsh and I should have… Had that conversation with you differently.” She sighs and turns around to him, willing to hear him out considering it was a small joy to see Derek in so much dispair.

“I only said it out of concern for you. I care about you, Lexie. Like a brother cares about a sister. You know I plan on proposing to Meredith and beyond that, we’re already family. You’re a wonderful person and I think you’re gonna be a great surgeon. I don’t want a possible addiction that looms over your head to take that away from you. Trust me, I’ve been there.” She sighs, knowing the truth in his words and it touches her heart to know that he cares about her this way. Lexie can see the resolve in his eyes and smiles lightly, looking down and then back up to him.

“I… I know you only did it out of concern for me. I just… It was hurtful to hear from you because I see you the same way. You are a brother to me, even if Meredith and you aren’t married yet. But… I forgive you.” She gives him a small smile and they share a quick hug, both of them feeling much better with this fight not in the back of both of their minds anymore. Derek looks down at her, his hands on her shoulders.

“Does that mean you’re gonna talk to Mark?”

“Nope. Absolutely not.” Derek walks off before Lexie can protest and she sighs as he watches him walk away.

Great. This time travel thing isn’t making things easy for me.

Chapter Text

It’s worse now.

Pretty much everything had gone the same because Lexie could do nothing to change anything. Gary Clark’s wife had died, he still came to the hospital with his goal to kill Derek and her, Mark and Lexie had still been left to keep Alex alive from his gunshot wound. Except it hadn’t been awkward or strange, she didn’t have to act like an unwanted girlfriend when he called out for Izzie and Mark didn’t have to feel like his heart was shattering into a million pieces because Lexie and Mark were still together.

Because Sloan Riley had never shown up.

Lexie remembered the day and time she had shown up at the hospital very clearly and yet doubted her photographic memory when that day had gone by and no one had shown up. She had been hovering around Mark that day who shot her confused but endeared looks, finding her oddly overbearing behavior cute. They had gone home that night, Mark had cooked dinner because he loves cooking for her and they had gone to bed together. She had cuddled up tightly to Mark until she could hear his deep snoring and was assured he was sleeping. She couldn’t rest easy until she had pulled out her laptop and googled Sloan Riley and Samantha Riley over and over again, finding absolutely nothing on either of them. It hadn’t let her rest for weeks after, still concerned over Sloan possibly showing up at a later point but it had never happened which led to her and Mark never breaking up and having a good relationship together for months.

Until now.

Mark had admitted Lexie to the psych ward when it was clear that she wasn’t doing well at all after the shooting and normally, she had hoped the medication they gave her would help her, let her sleep it off like last time and get her back to normal. She was exhausted, she was so incredibly tired and just wanted to sleep but her nightmares kept her up. She didn’t have them for a long while, in all the time that she had been able to sleep next to Mark but now they were back and seemingly worse than ever. She kept dreaming either of herself dying underneath the plane or of Mark dying in a hospital bed, with Derek and Callie making the difficult decision to respect his wishes and let him go. No meds could make her fully sleep, her mental state completely disarrayed. She passes out after every few hours and when she does, she wakes up an hour later, the nightmare so terrible that she can’t and doesn’t want to keep reliving it.

After her first twenty-four hours where she’s not allowed any visitors, Meredith shows up, looking so worn out and exhausted but concern still glimmering in her eyes for her little sister. Since Lexie can’t sleep, she asks about Derek and Alex and Meredith reports that they’re both stable. She asks about everyone, every single person she can think of, every one of her friends and attendings and residents she can think of except for Mark. Meredith notices it clearly but waits before asking.

“Mark’s tried to come in, you know. So many times, I thought the nurses were going crazy. They don’t let anyone but immediate family in.” Her big sister looks at her sympathetically. Lexie keeps her gaze down as she sits on her bed.

“Probably for the better. He shouldn’t see me like this.” Meredith frowns at Lexie’s words.

“Lexie, he loves you. Like really loves you. Worships the ground you walk on, sings your praises to every person who hasn’t heard them three hundred times and looks at you like you hung the moon. I overheard him talk to Callie yesterday after he brought you here. He said that you make him happier than anything he’s ever known and that if you’re going through your worst, he wants to go through it with you… for the rest of his life. I think… I think he might propose to you soon.” Meredith’s tone is soft and her eyes loving which Lexie rarely sees on her. She knows that even if Meredith was against it in the beginning, her big sister had come to like Mark more than before because of how happy he makes Lexie. It hurt her more than anything to do what she needed to.

I couldn’t live with myself if I don’t at least give him a chance to conceive Sofia, even if it hurts me. I could never, ever live with myself and happily act as if I know nothing.

“Can I move back in with you and Derek?” Meredith is shocked at her words and frowns deeply.

“What? Why the hell would you do that, Lexie?” 

“Because I’m gonna break up with Mark.” Meredith’s face is contorted in shock and utter confusion.

“Are you insane? I know you’re in the psych ward but are you actually insane? Did you hear anything of what I just told you?” Lexie feels her irritation and anger rising, paired with her mental state, lack of sleep and medication.

“Yes, I heard you, Meredith and I’m telling you that I don’t want to marry him! I’m not ready! I can’t marry him!” Lexie nearly screams at her sister and Lexie notices the way her eyes flicker back and forth from her face to behind Lexie. She turns around and sees Mark standing there, the look on his face hurt but still trying his best to be guarded. No one else but her can read the pain and anguish in his eyes, her words having hit him right in the chest. He looks at her for a long while as he stands in the doorframe, his hand gripping the door handle.

“I’ll pack your things.” Those are the only words he says before turning around and leaving, the door slamming shut behind him. Lexie breathes shakily, tears brimming at her eyes and she turns back around to Meredith, who still seems upset with the situation but also sympathetic as she sees how beaten down Lexie looks.

“You can move back in.”

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A week. It takes Lexie an entire week in the psych ward to be allowed to go home. 

That’s how long it took for her to finally completely break down and sleep for thirty six hours. The exhaustion had caught up at some point and even her mind let her rest and stopped replaying the cruel nightmares she had come to dread so much. Meredith had been by her side the almost the entire time ever since her first visit, only leaving to check on Derek and help him get home after his first few days. Now, she’s doing the same for her.

Meredith had miraculously with Cristina’s help taken all of Lexie’s stuff from her and Mark’s apartment and moved it back into Meredith’s house, saving Lexie the humiliation of having to face Mark until she would go back to work. Meredith had very much shown in the last week that she did love Lexie and very obviously cared which warms Lexie’s broken heart just a bit.

Once Meredith had parked the car, Lexie got out with her and they walked inside together. Lexie sighs as she places down her bag and follows Meredith to the kitchen where Derek sits, drinking coffee. She looks at Derek hesitantly, unsure of how he would treat her considering she had very cruelly broken up with his best friend but her worries fall away when he stands up with a small wince and takes her into his arms where she immediately breaks down in tears.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. It’s okay. It’ll be fine, don’t worry.” Lexie isn’t sure if Derek is talking about her relationship with Mark or her mental state but she takes the comfort he’s giving her anyway. After a long while of just having hugged each other, she finally breaks away teary eyed.

“How… How's the wound?” Derek smiles, always warmed by how caring Lexie is for the people she loves despite not  feeling good herself.

“Good. Healing well.” Lexie nods and she catches Meredith looking at them almost fondly, seeming happy that Derek and Lexie got along well. The three of them sit down, Meredith getting some coffee for Lexie and herself. They sit together on that early morning, talking about anything to get their minds off of the reality and darkness of everything. Lexie feels herself genuinely smiling for the first time since the incident when Meredith tells her that Cristina and Owen are engaged and would marry in a few weeks in Meredith’s house. When they run out of topics to distract themselves with, Derek looks up at her intently.

“He’s not doing well.” Lexie doesn’t need her big brother to say a name to know who he means and she looks down, her thumb drawing circles on the patterns of the mug. “I’ve never seen him this way. He’s like a shell of himself. Doesn’t wanna talk to anyone, not to me or Callie. He… he’s very sad, Lexie.”

“I know. I am too.” Lexie’s heart breaks as she imagines how Mark must feel, especially knowing what he had said to Callie just the day before she had broken his heart… and the worst part is that she can’t talk to anyone about the real reason. There’s tears in her eyes as she looks back up at Derek who studies her, wanting to know what had led her to this decision. She sniffles and wipes her tears from her eyes. “I just need some time for myself. I… I’m out of the psych ward but I still need to just… be by myself for a while. I need a break from him.”

Derek nods at her words, understanding her point of view a bit better now. It had been half the truth as the other reason was so, as painful as it once again would be for Lexie, him and Callie could have their one night stand when Callie and Arizona would be broken up soon and lead to the pregnancy that would result in Sofia. She doesn’t know how it goes from there since that’s her new reality, one she is yet to explore. But she has at least taken the most painful step… to then wait for the even more painful step.

Why is everything so fucking complicated?

───────────────────────────────────

A week later, it’s her first day back. And everyone still looks at her like she’s the insane one, as if a man with a gun and a mission hadn’t marched into this very hospital.

She ignores the stares, the whispers and the unashamed way people point at her. Lexie doesn’t care much for it, pointedly ignoring their staring as she doesn’t take it as seriously as before.

Her shift gets busy when victims struck by lightning are rushed into the ER. She had been able to avoid seeing Mark up until then but when she finally sees him again, her heart breaks over and over again into a million pieces. He’s stitching up an elderly man for a cut on his forehead, mostly his back and a little of his side facing her and she swallows the lump in her throat. She could see the heavy bags under his eyes, the way this certain shine and lightness he always has around him missing, his usual good mood replaced by stoicism and sternness as he tells the intern next to him to get another suture kit. Lexie takes a deep breath before walking past him to the Trauma Room, his gaze immediately flickering to her which she ignores. Unfortunately, Mark enters the room shortly after her, Callie and him checking over the patient as Lexie scribbles down notes. Callie leaves, leaving Lexie and Mark alone which makes her nervous. She glances up as Mark looks over the patient, noting how he’s growing his beard out again, the biceps bulging in his dark blue scrubs, his beautiful blue eyes concentrated and focused. She looks away when he leans back up and looks at Lexie for a second before telling the patient that she will be alright. Both of them leave the room together but before Lexie can walk away, she feels Mark hold her by the arm, his touch gentle and his eyes giving away the affection and hurt he feels because of her.

“Lexie…” She can only stare at him nervously, the guilt creeping back up into her head. He looks down, his thumb as if on autopilot drawing circles on her arm. “I… Are you okay?”

She breathes shakily and turns to him fully.

“I-I am. I’m okay.” Mark nods as he studies her, as if making sure she actually is okay. She tentatively places a hand on his arm. “I’m really sorry for how I reacted and what I said. I wasn’t doing well at all. But, uh… I… I miss you. But maybe a break would be good for us.”

She sees how hopeful Mark’s eyes look at her words at first and it breaks her heart all over again to see that hope diminish when she speaks out those last few words, till clambering onto whatever he can cling to.

“A break? So… not completely broken up?” Lexie clears her throat.

“Yeah. A break. I just… want some time, okay?” Mark nods at her words, the hurt in his eyes seemingly having eased a bit. 

“Okay. Yeah, time, I’ll give you time.” Lexie nods and gives him a small smile before Miranda calls her over for help. She glances back one last time at Mark and squeezes his hand before walking away and over to Miranda, hoping she had done the right thing with her actions.

She hopes everything will be okay in the end.

Chapter Text

Things are getting increasingly harder.

Lexie feels like whatever low point she had before didn’t reach how miserable she feels now. It’s as if all the joy had been sucked out of her, taken away from her and instead been replaced by this terrible, miserable feeling of uselessness and sadness. She was still working as hard as ever, still doing everything she could but outside of work, she was a shell of herself. She didn’t leave her attic outside of work, she stayed in bed all the time, she didn’t talk to anyone else or went out of her way to have a conversation. Meredith and Derek are concerned as ever, trying their best to coax Lexie out of her room like two parents but she politely declines, saying she has to study but in reality just wanted to be alone, wait for the weeks to pass until she knew she could be with Mark again… and even then, she didn’t know how.

It’s only made worse by the news of Arizona having gone to Africa alone and Callie staying here in Seattle. And even more on the day she had a night shift with the others, the day that the other attendings had gone out to Joe’s Bar to celebrate Derek landing the grant for his clinical trial. It almost felt like torture to be at work, to work through the night as if it didn’t nag in the back of her head that Mark and Callie were currently having sex. She had to constantly make sure she hadn’t started crying out of nowhere as she moved through her shift, constantly trying to keep herself together. She took deep breaths, in and out, busying herself with patients.

Her sister, Jackson, April and Alex who she had been working with that night all went straight to bed, except for Lexie. She now stands in the hall for a while and eventually moves to the kitchen, standing in front of the cupboard with the ancient glassware and alcohol like it was about to burn her. She had stayed strong as a promise to Derek, didn’t have any alcohol since their talk back then but she feels weaker than she has ever been, unable to get the demons and nightmares out of her head. So she reaches out, opens the cupboard and takes an unopened bottle of vodka out, staring at it for a while. She sits down on a chair by the table and sets the bottle down, staring at it as if that would make her decision on whether to give in or not easier. A good few minutes pass by and she hears footsteps on the stairs coming down and feels like a guilty child when she looks up and sees Derek. He glances at her and then at the bottle, his expression serious and Lexie immediately feels so bad.

“I- I haven’t had any. I swear.”

“I know.” Derek’s voice is soft and his eyes concerned as he steps closer and places a hand on her shoulder. “Is it because of the sleeping?” Lexie nods, feeling so miserable.

“And the pain. And my stupid, stupid mistakes. And my inability to do anything right. And my selfishness. And for ruining my relationship.” Lexie can’t help the tears and sobs that wreck her body, truly feeling like she’s arrived at the lowest point of her mental health. Derek takes her into his arms with no hesitation, the tight grip of his arms around her grounding her. She cries for a long while and Derek’s hug on her never wavers, his hand stroking her hair comfortingly. He eventually breaks away slightly and she can see how heartbroken and concerned he looks. He holds her by the shoulders as he stands up with her and leads her upstairs to his and Meredith’s room, who pokes her head out of the covers and sits up alarmingly when she sees Lexie’s tear streaked face. Derek rubs her back as he looks at Lexie.

“Sleep here with Meredith. Okay? Neither of us want you to be alone right now.” Lexie breathes shakily and nods, unable to say anything. She crawls under the covers and feels Meredith wrap her arms around her, holding her tightly just like Derek had. She sees the both of them exchange glances before Derek leaves the room and the house to go to work. Lexie shakes from her sobs in Meredith’s arms, the feeling of cuddling with her big sister very foreign to her but also very nice. Meredith rubs her back and stares at the wall, letting Lexie silently draw comfort. Lexie’s sobs eventually calm down and she blankly stares at the ceiling.

“Mer?”

“Yeah?” Her sister’s voice makes her feel safer than it ever had before. Lexie blinks sadly, looking away as she feels tears prick at her eyes again.

“I don’t think I want to live anymore.” Lexie starts crying uncontrollably again as the words that have been swirling around in her head are finally spoken out and Meredith hugs her tightly, as if scared that Lexie would bolt out of the room and hurt herself any minute. She can feel a few of Meredith’s tears in her hair and Lexie’s grip on her big sister tightens, as if holding onto her with dear life. Meredith’s voice is faint, barely audible but still there.

“Please don’t hurt yourself, Lexie. Please don’t.”

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Everything comes crashing down on a seemingly normal Monday morning. 

Lexie gets ready, oddly enough not feeling like crap after waking up for the first time in a while, at least mentally. Physically, she felt like she was going to throw up everywhere any minute but even the weird, nauseous feeling couldn’t beat her first non crappy day in weeks. Maybe it’s the way Mark had been relentlessly flirting with her, telling her he missed her, very obviously checking out her ass and even kissing her when he made her come to the bar for just one (non alcoholic) drink. She had looked at him sweetly, still so in love but told him she needed time for herself, for her mental health. She had held his face in her hands and told him that she still loved him with every fiber of her heart but needed to get better so she could be with him. Mark had looked sad but was understanding, stealing one more kiss from her before reluctantly letting her go back home. The quick glances and secret smiles they had shared were just for them, not even when Meredith and Derek very curiously asked about it. She feels normal for once, despite her nausea and weird mood swings.

Until she doesn’t.

She hadn’t been watching the calendar like a hawk for once so she couldn’t have noticed. But she did notice the way Meredith and Derek were talking to each other worriedly, Derek’s voice loud as he very clearly was getting something off of his chest.

“He tells me he’s in love with Lexie. Says he wants her back more than anything. He told me that they saw each other at Joe’s last week and that Lexie said that she loves him back but wants time for herself to work out her mental health. And what does he do? Gets Callie freaking Torres pregnant! This… He’s so stupid, Meredith. So stupid.”

Maybe it’s because last time, Mark had the decency to tell her himself that he had gotten his best friend pregnant. Maybe it was the fragile state of her mentality or maybe the nausea getting to her head. She thought she would be prepared, that she could handle it better than last time but as her little time travel experience should have taught her, she wasn’t prepared. Not enough at all.

She quickly bolts down the stairs, alerting Meredith and Derek who call after her as she storms out of the house but she doesn’t care. Her mind runs a hundred miles per hour as she remembers how hard Mark has been trying just for a glimpse of her smile, just for a chance to tell her that he’s still madly in love with her. Lexie shakes her head, not wanting to cry as she gets into her car and drives off, hating herself for how emotional she feels when she had known this was going to happen and still feels like her heart is ripped away from her chest. She still has time until she would have to be at the hospital for her shift but she lets her hands drive her wherever the hell her mind would take her. She takes deep breaths to stop herself from crying, blinking her tears away. She might be emotionally a wreck but she’s still a responsible driver.

For whatever reason, her body drives herself to the street of her childhood home, quite a long drive to the outskirts of Seattle, probably also to be far from Meredith’s house. She drives by her old childhood home and sees her father’s car isn’t there. She sighs, not really sure what she’s even doing here and continues driving on. Maybe she wants a piece of her childhood back. Maybe she wants to be a child again to avoid everything that adult life has brought on with it, along with her weaknesses and problems. Lexie takes a deep breath, her mind a jumbled mess.

I told myself that I would be there and not push him away when Callie gets pregnant with Sofia. I told myself that I would be mature for once and tell him I was okay and that I still wanted him. So why can’t I just do that?

Everything always sounded so easy in her head. When she had first been zipped back from time into this new reality, she had thought about all the things she would do differently to not waste time with Mark, to not end the same way they did before - both of them dead and never able to talk their feelings out. Her main goal had been to not fuck up her relationship with Mark and now she knows that even if she gets a second chance, it’s not eas at all. 

She sighs again, glancing at the clock on her car. Meredith, Derek and the others must be on their way to the hospital now and considering she’s pretty far away in a relatively remote area of Seattle, it would be a nearly forty minute drive back to the hospital so she decides that she should head back, knowing she would already be late. Thankfully, she’s on Derek’s service so she knows he would understand, especially since Lexie had never ever been late on a single day of her internship. 

Despite the turmoil in her head, she still drives carefully and pays attention, always having been an attentive driver on the road, checking all her mirrors three times before she continues driving at an intersection. The roads are very empty and the few houses she drives past all had empty garage spaces since most people were out to go to work and drive their kids to school. The roads by her childhood home had always been this empty at this time of day but Lexie likes how far away it always was from everything. There’s no other cars on the road so she continues on, checking her mirrors, her eyes always on every road. That’s how she spots a stray cat by the sidewalk, attempting to walk across the street. Lexie smiles softly as she watches the cat languidly walk across the street.

It only takes one second of distraction.

Lexie doesn’t even see or hear the extremely heavy truck that's heading right into her at a speed that she didn’t know trucks could have until the very last second. All she can do is close her eyes before the truck barrels into her car, the sound so loud in her ears she’s sure she must be deaf on impact. She thinks about how it feels to fly on a rollercoaster, that terrifying, exhilarating feeling of thinking you’re gonna fall out of your seat because of gravity. Now, she feels like she’s flying in her car, except it’s only terrifying. It almost feels like she’s in the air for hours, the pain in her entire body reminding her however that she’s still mildly conscious. Then the big boom comes when the car finally lands somewhere and that’s the last thing she registers before the pain is too big for her body to handle and she falls into a deep sea of unconsciousness.

Dang it. Must be karma for the plane crash.

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Meredith had too much on her plate.

From recovering from her miscarriage to helping Cristina get back on her feet after the trauma of the shooting to worrying about Lexie. She had given up on her act of acting like she doesn’t care about her sister because she does. She feels it every time she sees her in the morning with deep eyebags, insisting that she doesn’t want breakfast and just drinks her cup of coffee and heads out. She’s  glad to at least not be alone in that worry and that Derek had taken Lexie into his heart the same way she had, even a little quicker than her. It did amuse her whenever Lexie reminded them that they acted like her parents but she could always tell by the small smile on her sister’s face that she didn’t mind and was glad to have people who care about her so much.

“Hey, have you seen Lexie anywhere? She was supposed to be on my service today.” Derek gives her a quick

kiss on her cheek before he looks at her, a quizzing frown on his face. Meredith had felt bad that morning when Lexie had overheard them talk but she’s also glad that Lexie found out there instead of coming to the hospital today and being hit by the news by some random intern. She hates how humiliated Lexie probably feels and the deathly glare she shot Mark in the elevator earlier that morning did little to ease her anger. She closes the chart she had been writing in, the bustle of the ER where she’s in Owen’s service today, definitely not for her.

“No, I haven’t. I thought she would be with you by now.” Meredith looks down at her watch on her arm and frowns. “Her shift started an hour ago. She was upset but even then, she would never be late.”

Meredith and Derek exchange worried looks, both of them doing their best to not immediately jump to the worst conclusion.

“Maybe she just needed some time for herself. I wouldn’t wanna rush into work in her situation either.” She can tell Derek is trying to prevent both of them from immediately jumping to the worst conclusions and she nods, taking a deep breath to not break out in panic. Just then, April rushes past them to the doors of the ER.

“Incoming trauma! Single driver hit by a massive truck!”

Meredith sighs and gets dressed in a trauma gown with Derek.

“She’ll show up eventually. She’s just really upset, understandably.” Derek nods, both of them pushing their worry away as they go out to the emergency exit, Owen and April already waiting as they faintly hear the sirens.

“So what happened?” Meredith turns to Owen who has his usual frown on his face, clearly focused on his work.

“All I know is that there was a massive collision, the single driver must’ve hurled seventy feet away. Truck was a drunk driver and fled the scene and called 911 nearly half an hour after the crash happened to get as far away as possible. The ambulance took another half hour to get there because it was pretty far on the outskirts of the city. The patient is a young female, couldn’t identify her and her injuries are very bad. Let’s hope we can save what's left of her.” Meredith nods, knowing she was about to have a very busy morning.

The ambulance drives towards them quickly and stops, the doors opening and the first thing she sees is so much blood, a fixator on her head and neck and an oxygen mask concealing her face. The gurney gets rolled out as the paramedics run down the list of injuries and Meredith thinks that she’s never heard them name this many different injuries, the patient clearly having been hit very badly. They all step closer as the gurney is completely on the ground and Meredith’s first thought as they name her vitals is that this girl’s chances of coming out alive are low but she would do her best, as always. She glances up at the face of the victim, wanting to assess her breathing.

That’s when Meredith’s heart drops.

Her all so recognizable brown eyes are closed but she still recognizes her. She would anywhere, a face that looks so unlike hers despite them being connected by blood and DNA. Meredith’s breathing gives away the initial panic and she lifts the oxygen mask, her worst fear confirmed in that moment when she sees her button nose and mouth. Meredith gasps loudly, her heart hammering in her chest, the same feeling she had when she thought Derek would die during the shooting flooding back into her.

“It’s Lexie!” She manages to scream out and Owen, Derek and April, having listened to the paramedics run down her injuries, all look down at the face of the victim, realizing that Meredith had been right. It doesn’t take more than a second for them all to run inside the ER, Owen barking orders at an intern to page every attending, knowing that it was critical. Meredith's head spins as they run to a trauma room together, the fear in her heart overtaking every thought in her brain. She looks down, suppressing the tears in her eyes when she sees her little sister, so full of life, her ray of sunshine, her dorky Lexie laying there lifelessly, completely covered in blood. Bailey sees them rushing past her and Meredith is glad that April tells her who the patient is as she couldn’t have said a single word at that moment. Meredith feels like she’s outside of her own body when they finally reach the trauma room and transfer her from the gurney. She sees and hears other people come in, Derek barking orders next to her, the strain and fear in his voice so audible. She doesn’t register anything as she can’t help but squeeze Lexie’s motionless hand and stare down at her face, wanting nothing more than for her sister to open her pretty brown eyes. She feels hands on her shoulders trying to pull her away and Cristina’s urgent voice snaps her out of her trance.

“Mer, you need to step away. Teddy and I need to check her heart.” That finally snaps Meredith out and she lets Cristina pull her away, Teddy immediately replacing her spot. Meredith looks down at her gloves, seeing Lexie’s blood on it. She can’t even see Lexie anymore because she’s surrounded by all her colleagues tending to her injuries. 

“Where is she?” She hears a loud, male voice roar outside of the trauma room and she would’ve known it was Mark without him storming into the room. She’s never seen him so upset and out of it, stepping closer to where everyone is blocking his view from Lexie. Richard rounds the room to where Mark stands next to Meredith and ushers them both to one end of the room, his expression understanding but serious.

“You two need to back up. Against the wall and silent.” All they can do is watch as all the doctors and residents talk to each other, naming her various different injuries, setting up IVs and blood transfusions. Meredith is silently crying as she watches it and her gaze falls onto Derek who’s checking for her head injuries.

“D-Derek…” She croaks weakly and her husband looks up at her, his expression serious as he says words that he usually doesn’t say to any of his patient’s loved ones. But this wasn’t just any patient to him. The girl lying on the table was his sister and the faces he looked at, fearful and faces full of tears were his wife and best friend, two people he knew that loved Lexie to death, besides himself. He glances between Meredith and Mark.

“She’s gonna be okay. She will be.” He doesn’t make a promise because he and every other doctor in the room is aware of how low Lexie’s chances currently are but he pushes those thoughts away, concentrating on taking care of his little sister. 

“V-fib!” Jackson yells out as the EKG peeps loudly and Meredith thinks she will throw up as she watches Teddy begin CPR on her sister. Owen holds the pedals and Meredith’s sob is swallowed by the loud shock on Lexie’s body, the way her chest jumps up, an image Meredith would never be able to get out of her head. She feels an arm around her shoulder and even if she’s still mad at Mark, she leans into him as she silently cries, knowing he understands her pain in a way no one else except for Derek. The shrill sound of Lexie flatlining might as well make her ears bleed and she watches in horror as Owen shocks her again, the few seconds afterwards feeling absolutely terrifying. Her heart thankfully starts beating again and there’s audible sighs of relief in the room. They immediately rush her out of the trauma room and up to get scans of everything and then into an OR so they could fix the worst of the damage. 

And for the first time in a long time, Meredith prays. She prays for her sister to come back to her.

Chapter Text

It hurts.

It hurts to even think about something so terrible happening to Lexie. But it hurts even more to see her, to see the reality of what had actually happened to her. Mark feels nothing but pain in his chest and maybe in his whole body as he watches her get wheeled into her room in the ICU, hung up on every cable and tube that exists, hoping and praying that she would survive the next twenty four hours. 

He stands next to Meredith as Teddy, Derek, Miranda, Callie and Richard give them a rundown of her injuries, surgeries and scans. Mark feels his heart drop when he hears that Lexie has a hole in her heart that needs to be operated on quickly whilst Derek argues that it could risk more bleeding in her brain, concerned about the massive head trauma she had suffered. Callie pushes to operate on her broken fractures since her right leg and arm are extremely damaged and need to be stabilized whilst Miranda and Richard are concerned about fixing whatever else is left of her. Meredith stands next to him, taking everything in and sighs heavily when they finish talking. Mark had never seen her cry this much, not even when Derek’s life was in jeopardy after the shooting.

“So what do we do?” Meredith feels so lost, so overwhelmed with the situation and reaches out for Derek who holds her hand tightly and squeezes it, the worry evident in his eyes. She had lost a lot of people she cared about and many of the people she loved had been heavily injured, in danger for hours in surgery and not knowing whether they would survive or not but since she had known her little sister, Lexie had never been one of those people. So now that the day Meredith had dreaded had arrived, she feels even more hopeless than she had imagined herself being.

“You have to decide, Meredith. You’re her closest relative and a doctor. Think about everything we told you.” Meredith feels even more overwhelmed by his words, burying her face in Derek’s chest as she cries, feeling too unequipped to decide over how to treat her sister. Derek holds her to him tightly, knowing just how scared Meredith is. Mark watches as the machines around Lexie beep, the tube in her mouth and the cuts all over her body scaring him shitless. He’s rarely felt as terrified as he does now, his hands clenching into fists. He feels so angry at the bastard who drove into her and fled the scene, the damage of Lexie’s injuries worsened by the amount of time she was left untreated. He watches as one of the interns, a scrawny guy he’s seen a few times, walks into Lexie’s room with a few suture kits and it almost makes his blood boil. He hadn’t been allowed to help with her injuries but he sure as hell would not let a useless intern touch her beautiful skin, stitches that need his steady hands and accuracy.

Anything to make himself feel useful.

“Hey! Get out of here!” He marches into the room angrily, probably looking like an angry bull as he takes the suture kits away from the interns hands. The guy looks at Mark in nothing but fear and scurries away. He takes a deep breath to calm himself and then turns to Lexie, his expression softening with love and worry. He pulls out a chair and sits down on her left side, deciding to start with the cut on her left arm. His eyes dart over her face, seeing all the small cuts all over her. He knows he will be here for a while but also knows that he would never ever want to be anywhere else at that moment. He puts on his gloves and disinfects the wound gently before beginning his stitches. He vows right then and there that these would be the best work of his career. He glances up at her face for a second, his heart hurting at how lifeless she looks, the machines beeping and letting him know that she is alive.

“You’re gonna look as good as new, baby. I promise.” Mark concentrates on the stitches as he talks, hoping she could hear him. He knows that it’s different with every comatose patient but he hopes so badly that she could hear him.

“I miss you. And not in the same way that I told you about in the bar… I miss your presence. I miss seeing you laugh, even if you didn’t do it nearly enough lately. I miss looking into your brown eyes when you talk to me about a patient and I have to act like my heart isn’t going crazy when you look at me like a teenager. I… I just miss you. In ways I didn’t know I could miss you because I took you for granted. When we were together and now too. Even if… if you never wanna see or talk to me again because you hate me for what I’ve done… For having a baby with Callie. I still need you to live, Lexie. Even if you choose to fall in love with some other guy that deserves you more and is better for you like Jackson, even if you decide you wanna marry him and have babies with him instead of me. I still need you to live. I need to know that you’re alive, that you’re okay so I can shamelessly look at your pretty smile, even if it’s not directed at me. I just need you to live.”

His heart feels so heavy as he speaks, his eyes doing everything to suppress his tears, to not mess up the suture on her arm. He takes a deep breath, pulling himself together and continues to flick up the love of his life. It takes a while for him to stitch up every possible part but he finishes eventually and cleans everything up to just sit by her bedside, holding her hand in his. He takes his other hand and gently rubs her hand in both of his together. She always liked how warm he was since Lexie was naturally always cold. Maybe she could feel his presence this way. A while later, Meredith and Derek come in as well, Meredith sitting down on the other side and Derek standing next to her. Mark’s eyes are red from crying as he glances up at them, hoping they have some answers.

“The paramedics said she was down in some suburb of Seattle. Complete opposite side of the hospital. What was she doing there?” Mark looks at Meredith, hoping she has any answers and she frowns thoughtfully.

“It’s where Thatcher used to live. Her childhood home.” Meredith looks back up at Lexie and reaches a hand out, brushing through her hair. Mark wants to do the same but knows Meredith would only slap his hand away. “She used to go there when she was upset and just hang out in her childhood room. After Thatcher sold the house, she just started driving by the road. Always looked like a sad little puppy when she saw the kids of the new family playing in the driveway of the garage where she used to play with Molly.”

“So she was there because she was upset?” Mark knew about Lexie’s tendencies to go to her old childhood home when she was sad but he hadn’t ever known where that was. He watches as Meredith glances up at him and then at Derek, both of them doing the thing where they talk without words which normally doesn’t bother Mark but really itches under his skin this time.

“Meredith. Why was she upset?” She looks at him with an unreadable expression and a slight glare to her eyes.

“She found out about Callie’s pregnancy.” There’s venom in Meredith’s voice as she speaks and her words hit him right in the chest. It’s your fault my little sister is lying here half-dead, is probably what Meredith wants to hurl at him but thankfully doesn’t. He sighs and looks down, keeping his tears at bay and squeezes Lexie’s hand, needing to convey how sorry he feels. He hadn’t meant for it to happen because why would he ever want a baby with his best friend? He only ever wanted a baby with Lexie, his Lexie that had smiled in amusement and softness as they had stood in the empty room in the apartment they were looking at when he had said that they could use the room for future things. His Lexie, that he had stumbled upon when their relationship was still secret and how she was on Arizona’s service in the peds wing, holding a six month old that was crying because she didn’t like the taste of the medicine. His Lexie, who had cooed at the baby and looked down at the little girl with the sweetest eyes he had ever seen on a grown woman and talked to the baby until she was ready to take her medicine. He remembers the warm, fuzzy feeling in his heart when he had watched her for the whole ordeal, thinking about whether it was biologically possible for a man to have baby fever. 

He wanted a child with his Lexie, more than anything. But he had been stupid and was missing Lexie and Callie had been stupid and was missing Arizona and they had slept once with each other and despite protection, now will expect a child together.

He doesn’t think he’s ever hated himself more than in that moment.

All three of them are interrupted by their thoughts and worries when the door slides open and Cristina stands there. Her expression is unreadable as always and she only looks at Meredith as she speaks.

“Mer, can I talk to you for a second?” Meredith looks at her with a questioning frown but stands up and follows Cristina out of the room. She looks at her best friend as they step away from the room and walk down to the end of the hallway. Cristina glances to the side, making sure no one is in earshot when she turns to Meredith again, a piece of paper from the lab in her hands.

“The cops required us to do every attainable test we could since they need it as evidence. Her blood test matched the severeness of her injuries and I think they mainly wanted to check if she was intoxicated as well as the truck driver, which she thankfully wasn’t.” Meredith nods in acknowledgment, knowing that wasn’t what Cristina had called her away for.

“And?” Cristina purses her lips, the furrow of her brows clearly showing empathy which concerned Meredith. She takes a deep breath as she looks down at the paper and back up at Meredith.

“Lexie was pregnant at the time of the car accident.” Meredith’s eyes widen before she closes them, in sadness, in anger and in an undeniable need to punch Mark Sloan in the face.

“How far along? Is it…?” Meredith doesn’t dare finish her sentence but thankfully, Cristina can read her like a book.

“Eight weeks. She lost it in the accident.” Meredith feels a tear roll down her cheek and falls into Cristina’s arms who doesn’t hesitate to hug her tightly. 

“God, I… This is going to destroy her. She was already so depressed the last few weeks since the shooting and just found out that Callie’s pregnant with Mark’s baby… And now she has to survive through this and then find out she lost her own baby with him? How? How will she ever recover, Cristina?” Her best friend holds her tightly, her usual cold heartedness replaced by empathy and pain, for her best friend and for Lexie, who had become her favorite out of all the interns, especially since she was her intern.

“She’s a Grey. She can survive anything, just like you.” Meredith sighs at her words but has a small smile on her face as she breaks away and wipes her tears off. “She’s got you and Derek. And everyone else at this hospital that loves her. Even me, you know.”

Cristina rubs Meredith’s arms comfortingly and they stay like that for a while. She hesitates to ask but simply does it.

“Is… Was the baby… Mark’s?” Meredith nods, the kind of look in her eyes that tells Cristina that her best friend is very sure of it.

“She didn’t… date anyone else. And eight weeks matches. Would’ve been just before the shooting when they were still together.” Meredith sighs again, closing her eyes. “She definitely didn’t know. She would’ve told me… And her periods are very irregular so she probably didn’t notice.”

Meredith spends a bit more time with Cristina being comforted and eventually lets her know that she wants Teddy to do the bypass as quickly as possible. Meredith walks back to the room and sees Mark unmoved, his hands still clutching Lexie’s. Derek now sits by Lexie’s side where Meredith had previously been, holding her other hand as best as he can in the cast she has around her right arm and strokes her hair gently. Their heads both snap up to Meredith.

“What did Cristina say?”

Meredith glances at him, thankful for once that she isn’t as bad at lying as Lexie is. She had decided to not tell Mark about the baby that had been lost today since she wanted her sister to wake up and tell her first so she could decide whether she wanted to tell Mark or not. That was not a decision she would take away from her baby sister.

“I agreed to the bypass surgery. They’re doing it tomorrow if she’s stable until then.” She glances down at her little sister, her heart sitting heavy in her chest. She had needed to make these medical decisions with her mother as well when she had developed Alzheimer’s and eventually when she died but this was different for Meredith. She cared much more about her sister than she had cared about her mother in her late years and she wanted Lexie to live again. She was still so young, in her mid twenties for god’s sake. She couldn’t die. Meredith had lost so much already and she couldn’t take the death of her sister, she simply wouldn’t allow Lexie to leave her.

Because Meredith was so sure that it would destroy her.

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Seagulls.

There were seagulls. That was the first thing Lexie could hear. She expected that her eyes would feel so heavy and that it would feel difficult to wake up but she snapped them open so easily to be greeted by a beautiful blue sky. She blinked a few times and when she moved, she felt sand underneath herself. She frowned and sat up, noticing the ocean not far from where she had been lying, the waves an almost soothing sound to her ears. She looked down at herself and saw that she was wearing the same clothes as she had the same day of the car crash, without all the blood and pain.

The car crash.

Lexie frowned as she tried to think what her waking up at this beach could mean. Did she die? Was this some sort of version of heaven? She sighed as she looked out into the ocean, figuring that if she had died, this was not a bad place to spend eternity at. She took a deep breath, breathing in the ocean water and then turned around, only to gasp when she was met by another person.

Another her.

She looked a bit older, had long hair and a few wrinkles on her face. She had a warm smile and Lexie couldn’t help but stupidly blink at the older version of herself.

“Hey.”

“Uhm… Hi?” Lexie feels herself tilt her head at her older self, unsure of what to say.

“I’m here too, you know.” Lexie turned around again in surprise, the sound of his voice making her heart beat faster like it always does. She couldn’t help the smile that spread on her lips when she looked up at Mark, also an older version of the one she knows. His hair and beard were grayish white and he had a few wrinkles as well but he was just as beautiful as she could remember him. Her heart warmed at the sight, something so special about getting to see what Mark looked like when he was older.

“You can stop gawking at him, you know?” She turns her head to her older self and Lexie laughs warmly.

“I can’t help it. He looks really hot.” Her older self chuckled in amusement and looked back at Mark who smiled at both of them warmly.

They walk up the beach to the beautiful greenery and Lexie looks between them quizzingly.

“So… Is this like heaven? And if so, why are you two here?” They came to stop at a spot on the hill and both of them turned towards her, their expressions serious. Lexie then realizes it and looks between them. “Because you both died.”

“I’m the version of you that died in the plane crash.” Something about those words hit Lexie right in the chest and she swallowed the lump in her throat. She glanced up at Mark.

“And you died after… In the hospital.”

“Yeah. I did.” Lexie looks down at the grass thoughtfully, the wind a gentle breeze in her hair. She looks back up at her older self.

“I.. I remember it. I remember every moment of laying under the plane wing. And then I just woke up. In my room in Meredith’s attic. Like I was sent back in time. Why? How did that even happen? I… I have so many questions.”

Older Lexie smiled at her gently, her eyes soft as she tried to find the right words to make her younger version understand.

“Do you believe in soulmates?” Younger Lexie blinked at those words and watched as Older Lexie took Mark’s hand, the gaze between them soft and loving. Younger Lexie smiled softly.

“I do. In like, a practical sense. In the sense that there’s someone out there for you. But… I didn’t really think about it in a biological sense.” Older Lexie turns back to her and steps closer.

“Well, it does exist and not just in a practical sense. Sometimes, when the love and bond is so strong between two people, it can break through anything that humans perceive as logical. It can cut through and intervene if it wants to. That’s what happened to you, Lexie. Our soulmate bond to Mark is so strong that a higher power in this world intervened and let you go back to the moment we started to fall in love with him. You were allowed a second chance, Lexie. And you’re wasting it.”

Lexie took her words in, her head overwhelmed with information. So Mark wasn’t just her soulmate in a romantic sense… But in a literal one. And she was allowed to go back in time and change their fates because of it.

“I… I’m wasting time… Again?”

“Yeah, you are.” Mark speaks this time. It feels a bit strange for younger Lexie to see him like this, older, wiser and next to a woman that’s… her. But also not her. And older and wiser than her.

“You’re wasting time in your own head, Lexie. You were given a second chance and you’re not taking it.” She sighed, realizing that he was right.

“I know, I just… I needed that time for myself. I was breaking apart… My own mind was breaking me apart.”

“But who said that you have to do that alone?” Older Lexie held her by the shoulders, the look on her face so serious. “Remember what Mark said in the plane crash. He said he wanted to marry you and have kids with you. He loves you so much, Lexie. He would take on every fight and every struggle with you, even if the fight is against your own demons. Stop running away from commitment and love. Please, I’m begging you. Don’t do what I did.”

Younger Lexie’s heart breaks at the tears that form in her older self’s eyes and she hugs her, holding her close and understanding the weight of her words.

“I won’t. I-I will tell him… At least I want to… How do I get back?” They break apart and Older Lexie smiles gently at her.

“You’re already doing it.” Younger Lexie blinked in confusion and felt her vision get blurry, the sand, the greenery and the ocean slowly disappearing. She frowned as her eyes closed on their own, feeling as if she was in a void of her own mind. Everything faded away for a while until she heard noises and voices around her, the beeping of a heart monitor and cables stuck on her body. She felt pain and almost scared herself by making a noise, groaning from the pain. She could feel her own head again, weakly moving her limbs until she finally opened her heavy eyes.

She had survived.

Chapter Text

Two weeks.

Two agonizing, fearful and mentally challenging weeks had passed for Meredith. Lexie had gone under various surgeries starting with a very dangerous bypass that Teddy and Cristina had done. Then came Derek who had to ensure that Lexie’s brain wasn’t bleeding out and lastly Callie, who had corrected Lexie’s fractures. All these surgeries were done in the first four days since the accident and with every day that Lexie didn’t wake up after, Meredith feels a part of her break. She had finally started to work again in the last few days but practically still lived in the ICU unit. She took turns with Mark, who was also forced to go back to work and couldn’t hang out by Lexie’s bedside the whole day. As much as she still feels angry at him, she knows that he loves her deeply and wants her to wake up as soon as possible. Derek takes CT scans twice a day to check if anything had changed in her brain activity, still concerned that Lexie might wake up but not have any of her brain functions anymore. It was a scary thought to Meredith, one she didn’t want to entertain.

She sits by Lexie’s bedside, telling her about the newest gossip around the hospital and general things that were happening in their friend circle. She’s thankful for the way Mark had insisted to do her sutures because his work had been flawless, barely even a scar visible on her. Meredith babbles on, holding Lexie’s left hand in hers, the sound of the monitors and machines almost comforting because they let her know that her sister is still alive. She was just talking about the progression of Owen and Cristina’s marital problems when she gasps in surprise, feeling a squeeze on her hand. She looks down at her hand and back at Lexie, seeing no signs of her waking up but grins brightly, hoping to not have imagined it. Just then, Derek walks into the room, his brows raised at Meredith’s smile.

“She squeezed my hand! I swear she squeezed it, Derek!” He can’t help the smile and glimmer of hope that forms on his face and quickly approaches Lexie, opening her closed eyes and shining light into them to check for any activity.

“Nothing there but that’s not a bad sign. Just means that she might wake up soon.” He smiles encouragingly and Meredith sighs, happily looking at Lexie. Her sister would wake up and everything would be alright.

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Lexie groans as she finally manages to fully wake up from the heavy blanket of emptiness in her head, her eyes blinking as her sight adjusts to her environment. There is a grating pain all over her body and she looks around, unable to make out the face of the person talking to her. She squeezes her eyes with all her power and opens them again, her sight a bit clearer now as she recognizes April talking to her.

“Lexie! Can you hear me?” April has a concerned but hopeful look on her face.

“Yeah, I can… I can hear you.” April lights up with a bright smile at Lexie's weak words. Lexie looks down at herself, noticing the giant casts on her right arm and leg. Before she could say anything else, Derek practically runs into the room, an exhausted but very happy look on his face. He approaches her and shines his light into her eyes and Lexie sighs before he can even ask.

“Alexandra Caroline Grey, born 1984. I work as a fourth year resident at Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital. I was in a car accident. I’m allergic to eggs and I hate apples. You’re my brother in law.” Derek’s grin only widens at her words and he presses a kiss to her temple, the gesture warming Lexie’s heart.

“You gave us a really big scare, Little Grey. Welcome back to the living.” She smiles up at him, thankful for her brain to miraculously have not turned into mush. She looks down at her body and sighs.

“Looks pretty bad, huh?” Derek shakes his head in amusement at her words.

“You’re gonna be alright, Lexie. Your right arm and leg are broken, you had a bypass and I stopped your brain bleeding. You’re gonna need a few months and a lot of care to fully be healed. But you’re gonna be alright because you’re alive. We’re here for you.” Just then, she hears the squeaking of running shoes against the hospital floor and a vision of blue scrubs and blonde hair that stops at her door. Meredith’s chest heaves as she rushes in and Lexie grins at her, knowing her older sister must be concerned about the state of her brain.

“Hey, Mer.” Her big sister lets out a sigh of relief and leans down to hug her as best as she can, kissing all over the top of her hair.

“Don’t do that to me ever again, Lex. Okay?”

“I’ll try my best.” Meredith sits down on the chair next to the bed and Lexie doesn’t think she’s ever seen her this happy. Meredith tells Lexie about everything, the extent of her surgeries, how long she had been out and what not. Lexie is relieved that everyone took such great care of her and made a note in the back of her head to thank everyone later. She glances between Meredith and Derek as they talk, smiling but they can both tell that Lexie desperately wants to see someone else. She wants her person.

“Mark is in surgery. Will probably take another hour. No one’s told him yet that you woke up so he can concentrate.” Lexie sighs in relief at Derek’s words, her body relaxing.

“Thank god. I was starting to think that he… I don’t know…”

“That he didn’t wanna see you? Please, he’s been hogging this side of your bed for the past two weeks because we can’t hold your hand on the other. He was in here every time I came to see you and wouldn’t budge. He never wanted to leave, only when he needed to get back to his work.” Lexie’s heart warms at that, the prospect of seeing her soulmate making her feel giddy and gooey inside. Her big sister looks at her in concern.

“I know you’re very excited to see him but… you remember about Callie’s pregnancy, right?”

“Yeah, I do. But I’ll cross that bridge with him when we get there. Right now, I just want to see him.” Meredith nods and Lexie can tell there’s something else that weighs on her heart but she doesn’t mention it for now. She then gets paged and sighs, squeezing Lexie’s hand one last time and kissing the side of her head.

“I’ll be back later, Lexie Bear.” Lexie snorts at that.

“That’s a terrible nickname.”

“From your extra terrible sister!” Meredith has a grin on her face and it makes Lexie laugh, achieving exactly what her big sister wanted. She leaves the room and Derek heads to the door and smiles at her one last time. 

“Mark should be done by now. I’ll go let him know you’re awake.” Lexie nods excitedly, the grin on her face resembling a child that’s allowed to pick anything they want at a candy store.

Derek walks off, a huge weight lifted from his shoulders knowing that Lexie is not only awake but responsive, her brain not having been damaged in the accident. He walks to the OR and spots Mark by the scrub room who’s drying his arms, finished with the surgery. There’s a heaviness to him, in his eyes and in his face, in the way he walks and speaks. The past two weeks have shown Derek how much Mark depends on Lexie and how deep his love goes for her and even if he would never admit it, he’s glad that his best friend never took his warning of not getting close to Lexie. They were clearly what the other person needed.

Derek steps into the scrub room with a bright smile and Mark immediately knows what it means. His best friend blinks at him in disbelief, not wanting to get his hopes up.

“She’s awake?” Derek nods, holding the door open behind him since he knows Mark would run out of it to get to Lexie.

“She is. Awake and responsive. No damage to her brain and she’s been asking for you very impatiently. C’mon, go get your girl.” Derek doesn’t think he’s ever seen a smile as big on Mark’s face and as predicted, Mark storms out of the scrub room at a speed that could rival olympians. 

Lexie sits upright on her bed as Teddy listens to her heart, wanting to make sure everything was alright after the surgery. She waits patiently as Teddy holds the stethoscope to her chest and hears a loud crashing of something in the hall. Similarly to Meredith, Mark stands at her door a second later, his chest heaving but the biggest smile she’s ever seen on his face. She smiles back at him, every fibre of her body singing with happiness.

“Hmm. Your heart rate’s elevated.” Teddy turns to the door and her slightly worried look morphs into amusement as she spots Mark. The cardio surgeon looks back at Lexie and winks at her. “That’s why. Everything else sounds pretty good to me. I’ll come back later.”

Mark steps into the room as Teddy leaves and he steps closer, coming up to her left side where he can hold her hand. He sinks down into the chair, already being scooted impossibly close to the bed by Meredith previously. Like gravity, his hand comes up to the side of her face, his thumb brushing against her cheek and his other hand holds hers tightly.

“Lex… I-”

“I love you.” Lexie blurts out, not able to contain it any longer, her words stuttering at how nervous she feels despite having said them before, in another reality. 

“God, that just… came out fly-flying out of my face like it was s-some kind of… I-I… I love you. I just- God, I did it again! I-I-I love you. I-I do. I just… I love you. And I have been trying not to say it. I have been trying so hard to just mash it down and ignore it and not say it. And I heard you in my coma and yes, Jackson is a great guy… and he’s gorgeous, and… and he’s younger than you and he doesn’t tell me he loves me and then turns around and has sex with his best friend and gets her pregnant… and we might get along that way, you know? But it was never gonna work out because of you… you’re my soulmate, Mark. My… my person. And I… I love you. I am so in love with you. And you’re… you’re in me! It’s… you’re like… it’s… it’s like you’re a disease. It’s like I am infected by Mark Sloan. And I just can’t… I can’t think about anything or anybody… and I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I can’t breathe. And I love you, I just… I love you all the time, just every minute of every day. And I-I… I… I love you. God, that feels good just to… say that! I feel so… much better… I just… I love you.”

Her voice had been shaky and her stuttering made her blush in embarrassment but she had to say everything that weighed on her chest, despite her mind still being a bit out of it from the coma. She takes a deep breath when she’s finished, looking up into his eyes, his hands that still touch hers and her face making her hope he’s not scared off by her words. She looks at him intently, feeling increasingly nervous as he just stares at her silently.

“Mark?” She blinks her pretty brown eyes at him and the first thing he does as he’s snapped out of his trance is lean down and kiss her. It wasn’t a hurried or extremely passionate kiss as he knows Lexie just woke up and doesn’t want to hurt her but all the love, every fibre of his body that loves her is put into that kiss. He can’t kiss her for as long as they used to due to Lexie’s breath falling short but his hands come up to hold her face in them, tears prickling at his eyes.

“No one has ever said something so beautiful to me, Lexie.” She smiles at him gently and reaches out to kiss his nose, both of them chuckling softly at her cute gesture. “You think we’re soulmates?”

“I know we are. It’s you… for the rest of my life. It’s always gonna be you.” Mark smiles tearfully at her and she peppers soft kisses all over his face. He leans down to kiss the palm of her hand, his expression serious.

“And… Callie’s pregnancy? You know I wanna be in this baby’s life. I’m the father.” Lexie sighs and nods understandingly.

“I know. And I can’t lie and tell you that I’m not still mad at you for that but… I just had a really bad accident. One where I thought I was gonna die and… I guess stuff like that puts things into perspective. So yeah, I’m okay with you wanting to be the father of the child. As long as you promise to not emotionally cheat on me again.” Mark sighs at her words, his turn to press kisses all over her face.

“I’m so sorry, Lex. I… I was so stupid. It was just… I missed you and Callie was missing Arizona… It was only that one time and we both knew we did it because we missed each other’s person.” Lexie can hear the guilt and agony in his voice, knowing that he must have been beating himself up over this.

“I know, it’s okay. Can’t change what happened. As long as you promise me that we can be together now. And if anything ever happens, if there’s any struggles or conflicts in our way… I don’t want to run away from them. I want to tackle them with you, whether it’s mine or your or our problems.” She squeezes his hand and sees the tender, sweet gaze in his eyes that makes her melt. He kisses her again, his need for her to know how his heart soars at her words palpable.

“That’s what I want, Lexie. I want everything with you.” She smiles and strokes his cheek with her thumb, feeling the beard underneath her fingers, remembering the older version of him with grayer hair but the same charming smile. Just then, Callie enters the room, her expression professional with a light smile on her face but Lexie can see the underlying tension beneath it.

“Hey, I heard you’re awake. I’m glad to see you’re okay. Really, Lexie.” Callie’s tension seems to lift a bit when she sees Mark’s lovestruck smile, feeling glad that the couple had found together again.

“Thank you.”

She gives Lexie a rundown of her injuries and fractures, telling her everything she needs to be aware of.

“It’s going to be a long road of recovery since you’ll be bound to your casts and a wheelchair for a while. You need a good support system around you, people who will help you with anything you need and be there for you, especially considering you were feeling mentally low even before the car accident.” Lexie nods at Callie’s words and feels a squeeze on her hand and another stroking her hair and turns to see Mark’s very devoted and loving smile.

“I’m here. I will help her with anything she will need. Probably even before that. She might think of something she wants and before she tells me, I will already have it for her.” Lexie giggles at Mark’s words and kisses his cheek. Her head turns back to Callie, who has a smile on her face as she sees the happiness on her best friend’s face after weeks of agony for him.

“You heard him. I have my own personal Nurse Sloan. And Meredith and Derek will probably pester me too.” Callie and Mark chuckle in amusement at her words and the ortho surgeon stands up from her chair and moves to leave, telling Lexie she’ll check on her again tomorrow. 

“Callie?” She turns back around to Lexie, who gives her a gentle smile.

“I’m not mad at you for anything. Whatever happened has happened. I’m okay with Mark being a father to the child. So you really don’t have to look at me like I caught your hand in the cookie jar.” Callie lets out a sigh of relief, her shoulders visibly relaxing at Lexie’s words since the topic had plagued her. She nods.

“So… Friends?”

“Yeah. Friends sounds good.” They give each other one last smile before Callie leaves the room. Mark is instantly all over her, Lexie’s giggles loud in the room as he kisses every inch of her face.

“What are you doing? You’re so silly!”

“I’m just loving my girlfriend. Can’t blame me for wanting to shower her in love after I had a really bad two weeks.” Lexie smiles in understanding and kisses him gently, wanting to reassure him that she was here, alive and all his. Just then, the nurses go around for dinner and Lexie feels her stomach grumbling.

“Oh my god. I’m so hungry. Like, so hungry I feel like I’m going insane.” Mark laughs at her words and Lexie thanks the nurse who sets her food down. She was glad that the stereotype of hospital food didn’t apply to the one they worked in and that the food was actually really good here. Her dinner was roast beef with mashed potatoes and steamed carrots, a salad, a nut bar and a cookie for dessert. She sits up in her bed and before she can move a finger, Mark is already scooting closer with his chair, taking her cutlery.

“Oh my god, Mark, you don’t have to feed me, that’s so embarrassing! I can eat on my own.” Mark’s eyebrows raise as he cuts the beef.

“Oh really? Lift your right arm then.” She glances down and realizes that the cast is too big for her to even bend towards the roll table. She shrugs and lifts her left arm that hadn’t been broken.

“I can eat with this side!”

“Baby, we both know that if you’re eating with your left side, there’s gonna be more food on the bed than in your belly.” Lexie blushes at his words, realizing he was right. She reluctantly opens her mouth and sighs in contentment as Mark carefully begins to feed her.

“Wow. That alone is worth surviving a car crash.” Mark chuckles at her words and she continues eating with his help, seeing a certain look in his eyes with every spoonful Lexie eats. She hasn’t seen it on him before but she interprets it as his protective instincts to take care of her, wanting to feel useful and make sure she’s okay, to have a part in her getting better. So she lets him feed her in comfortable silence, loving glances exchanged between them. The scene reminds her a bit of the older versions of her and Mark that she had seen at the beach, as if they were husband and wife that simply took care of each other. The thought of Mark being her husband one day makes her feel a bit dizzy but she pushes that thought away. Eventually, under Mark’s watchful eye, he feeds her everything on the plate and he leans over, kissing her cheek.

“Good girl. You did so well for me.” 

“Mark.”

“What? I was just praising you!” She glares at him but the twitch of the corners of her mouth betrays her.

“You know what Callie said. No sex until my body is healed and definitely not when the right side of my body is in casts!” Mark has an oblivious look on his face.

“I know! I didn’t do anything!” She playfully pinches his arms and he chuckles, pulling it away.

“Praising me for eating my dinner the same way you would if we were having sex is nothing to you?” Mark has his charming smile back on his face, clearly amused.

“Sorry. I couldn’t help it. You always look so cute when you’re flustered and I know what to say to make you look like that.” Lexie smiles in endearment and holds his hand, his eyes never leaving her face as his other hands strokes over her hair. She glances at the clock and frowns, turning back to him.

“You’ve been here for hours, Mark. Get home, shower, eat something and sleep. Please.” He looks at her in worry.

“But I don’t wanna leave you alone… I just got you back, Lex.” 

“I know, baby. But you look very tired and must be hungry. You’ll come back tomorrow, hm?” Mark sighs, preferably staying by Lexie’s side the whole night but he knows she’s right and knows he needs to take care of himself to take care of Lexie. Saying goodbye to each other is difficult, a million sweet kisses exchanged between them. Mark places one last kiss on her temple before reluctantly moving away, standing by the door and looking at her pretty face one last time.

“Goodnight, Lex.” 

“Goodnight, baby.” He smiles at her one last time before he finds the willpower to move from his spot, feeling like everything will be okay for the first time in weeks.

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A few days later, Lexie was transferred from the ICU to a normal ward since she was out of the danger zone which made her happy, her lab results showing that she was getting better. With April’s help she managed to take a shower which made her feel a lot cleaner and she thanked her friend a thousand times over for it. She has thankfully managed to eat her breakfast by herself as she pushed the eggs away and opted for her plain buttery toast and chocolate pudding. Just as she finished, Meredith came into her room, smiling at the sight of her sister doing so much better.

“Hey! They told me in the ICU that you were transferred. It’s good to see you doing better.” Meredith sits down by her side and Lexie smiles at her big sister.

“Yeah, my vitals are good and stable and my lab results are improving.” They talk for a while, about everything that Lexie has missed, to the flowers and gifts that everyone had brought which warmed Lexie’s heart. Her heart feels light with how easy it was to talk to her sister and considers that the accident might improve their relationship as well.

“So, you and Mark are back together?” Lexie nods happily, figuring that Meredith would know from Derek who was probably the first person to find out since he was Mark’s best friend.

“Yeah. We are.”

“And Callie’s baby?” Lexie’s smile stays optimistic, knowing Meredith is only looking out for her.

“We talked about it. My priority is just to be with Mark again. I’m okay with him taking on the responsibility of being a father to his child. We’ll figure the rest out when we get there since we both want to focus on my recovery for now.” Meredith nods, seeming satisfied with her words and holds Lexie’s hand, something clearly still weighing on her.

“Has Mark been here this morning?” Lexie frowns as she tries to figure out what Meredith might want to tell her but gives her sister the time she needs.

“He was going to but the victims of the big fire at the high school is holding him up in the ER. Why?” Meredith sighs again and squeezes Lexie’s hand, whatever she had to say clearly not any good news.

“When we did your blood tests when you were unconscious…” Meredith sighs again and looks down before looking back up at Lexie, a mask of professionalism on her face to get her words across.

“You were pregnant, Lexie. Eight weeks. You lost it in the car accident.”

Lexie’s heart feels like it stops at those words, a deep, overwhelming wave of sadness washing over her. She feels tears run down her cheeks as if on autopilot and she breathes shakily, her left hand instinctively going to her belly as if she could still feel it there.

“I-I… I didn’t know… I-I thought…” Lexie lets out a strangled sob. “I was nauseous on the day of the accident. I threw up in the bathroom when I was getting ready but I just thought I-I… might have e-eaten something weird… I… I was pregnant…” Lexie begins to fully sob into her hands and she’s so grateful for her sister disregarding several hospital protocols by climbing into bed with her to hold her. Lexie cries miserably as she buries her face in Meredith’s neck, unable to feel anything but pain and sadness. Meredith holds her close, stroking her hair comfortingly and showing Lexie that she’s there for her.

“A child… Mine and Mark’s child… We could’ve had a child together…” Lexie cries miserably, her body hurting at the movement her sobs cause but she couldn’t control herself.

“And now I have to w-watch… Callie have Mark’s baby…  A baby t-that they didn’t e-even try f-for…” Meredith squeezes her tighter because she knows what Lexie is feeling in that moment, having gone through the same pain and emotions just weeks ago when she had lost her baby during the shooting. All Meredith can do is hold her little sister and comfort her as best as she can.

It took a long while of crying and heart wrenching sobs for Lexie to finally calm down. Meredith was reluctant to leave her side but Lexie insisted she should go back to work and not hold her up any longer. To Lexie’s luck, Meredith was paged anyway and Lexie asked a question that burned on her tongue before Meredith could leave.

“Who… Who knows about it?” Meredith looks at her sympathetically.

“Just Cristina and I, she’s the one who told me. I didn’t tell Derek and I wanted you to know before Mark.” Lexie sighs gratefully and nods, thanking her one last time before Meredith leaves, Lexie’s emotional state still weighing heavily on the back of her mind. Lexie takes the time alone to dry her face and take a few deep breaths, her body still shaking slightly from her overwhelming emotions. As if on cue, Mark enters her room, a big smile on his face.

“There’s my favorite girl.” Lexie smiles shakily at him but with the way his smile falls, she he instantly knows that he knows that something is wrong.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay? Did something happen?” Lexie shakes her head as he sits down on her left side and holds her hand. Lexie tries her best to smile at him but the reality of having to tell him hit her right in the chest. She can barely contain her own tears as she tells him about her miscarriage and the circumstances of it, watching his own face contort at her words. He doesn’t say anything and just squeezes her hand, wiping away a few stray tears of his and then on Lexie’s face.

“I… I’m so, so sorry Lexie… I… God, I’m such an asshole…” Lexie squeezes his hand, shaking her head. The complexity of the situation overwhelms her but she doesn’t want Mark to blame himself.

“We didn’t plan for this. Not for me or for Callie to get pregnant. We didn’t plan to lose this baby in a car accident. You’re not an asshole, Mark. You made a mistake and… and life happened and rolled over us and decided to make it a living hell.” She breathes shakily as she looks at him.

“This is going to hurt. And it’s gonna be painful for a long time. And there’s gonna be days where I just want to bury myself in bed and not wake up because seeing Callie pregnant with your baby makes me so depressed. But we have each other. I have you. And I know I can get through it as long as I have you by my side.” Mark looks at her, the same sadness and pain she’s feeling reflected in his eyes and he sighs, squeezing her hand.

“I’ll be here, Lex. For everything. I promise.” His words finally put a smile back on her face. It wouldn’t be easy but Mark and her would get through it.

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It takes another three weeks for Lexie to be discharged. Everything was healing well, her heart was doing much better and she felt more like herself again, even if the news of the loss of her baby still lingered on her and Mark. He’s been the best help she could have ever asked for, helping her with anything she needed, feeding her, helping her shower despite her protests but realized that it was silly since he was her boyfriend again. She had also decided to move back in with Mark since she would still be bound to her wheelchair for a few weeks and he had an elevator in his apartment building and it was simply easier than in Meredith's house. They also both just wanted the other person around at all times, their clinginess since the accident evidently having gotten worse. At least for everyone else, certainly not for them. 

She’s sitting in her wheelchair by the desk, Mark holding her hand next to her as Meredith signs the discharge papers when Cristina walks by them. Lexie had been surprised when her sister’s best friend had come to visit her, obviously under the pretense of checking her heart but truly wanting to know how Lexie was since she was the only other person that knew about the miscarriage besides her, Meredith, Mark and now Derek. Cristina stops in front of them, glancing between Mark and Lexie with her usual cold expression and then stops to glare at Mark.

“I just want you to know that I will break your penis worse than Little Grey ever could if you try to have sex with her and slow down her healing process. I need her to be back on her feet as soon as possible because these other residents suck ass.” Lexie giggles at Cristina’s words and sees Mark’s amused grin above her. He places a kiss on the top of her head which makes her blush.

“She’ll be back in no time, Yang, and you’ll have your only capable resident again.” Cristina’s nose is scrunched in disgust as she glances between them and leans towards Meredith, not bothering to whisper so Lexie and Mark could hear her.

“Did they somehow get even more disgusting than before?”

“Way more disgusting. And it’s not even the dirty type of disgusting but ooey, gooey type where they kiss and giggle at each other for no reason.” Meredith’s smile betrays the endearment she feels for her sister’s rekindled relationship as she signs the papers.

“I can’t help it if I’m dating the most wonderful, gorgeous girl in the universe.” She blushes even more when Mark plants a big kiss on her cheek and laughs when Cristina makes fake gagging noises.

“I need to leave, immediately.” Cristina walks off but not before yelling loudly. “Get back here quickly, Grey!”

“I will!” Lexie smiles at Cristina’s retreating form before Meredith walks over to them and hands Mark the papers.

“Alright. Lexie Bear is discharged.”

“Can you stop calling me that?” Meredith grins like a cartoon villain at her.

“Never. I’m coming over every other day to check on you and Derek and I will alternate when Mark’s busy with work.” Lexie smiles at her sister.

“Thanks, mom.”

“No problem, kiddo.” Lexie laughs at that and Meredith squeezes her hand, her expression serious. “Derek and I are always a phone call away.”

Lexie nods in acknowledgment and hugs Meredith one last time before Mark wheels them away and out of the hospital, finally away and to their home again.

It took some time with Lexie bound to the wheelchair and her casts but they eventually made it home. Mark settles her on her spot on the couch, surrounding her with more pillows and blankets than she could dream of. The apartment didn’t look much different from when she had moved out, the decorations she had gotten still in their same place. The only thing that changed was a new photo by the TV stand, one of her and Mark at Alex and Izzie’s wedding, looking happy together. Mark comes back from the kitchen and places a water next to her on the stand and places a cushion pillow on her lap and a plate with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on it with a kiss on her cheek.

“I’m already preparing dinner, I’m making braised short ribs. Just wanted you to eat something now since that will take a while.” Lexie smiles at the way he cares for her. She pats the seat next to her.

“C’mere. Sit with me.” Mark smiles sweetly as he sits down next to her and they watch some mindless TV together as Lexie eats her sandwich. She places the plate on the table when she’s done and cuddles up to Mark who wraps his arm around her shoulder.

“Hmm. This is nice.” She smiles at his words and places a small kiss on his neck and sighs.

“I really wanna have sex right now.” Mark laughs at her words and kisses her forehead.

“I know, me too. But you need to heal, baby.”

“Oh please, you’re just scared of Cristina.” Mark laughs loudly, the kind of laugh that comes from his belly and that warms Lexie’s heart in every single corner.

“We all miss you, really. Derek doesn’t admit it but he’s moping around about his favorite upcoming neurosurgeon missing in his service.” His words make Lexie giggle and he squeezes her to him tightly, careful of her arm.

“I miss them too. I just wanna get back to work… I’m scared of falling behind.”

“You won’t. You can’t even fall behind because you’re ahead of the material, Lexie. You’re practically an attending already and you still got two years. You’ve answered questions that I wouldn’t have even known the answer to from the top of my head.” Lexie looks up at him with hopeful eyes, her eyes crinkling at how sure he sounds.

“You really think so?”

“I know so. You’re gonna be a kick-ass attending. And before that happens, maybe I can still convince you to switch over to plastics.” Lexie smiles in endearment and kisses his cheek softly.

“Not happening. I love neuro too much. Besides, you love teaching Jackson.” 

“Yeah, I do. But I also really love working with my favorite girl.” Lexie blushes as if she was hearing his compliments for the first time and presses her nose to his neck, enjoying the closeness.

“Well, think of it this way. When I’m an attending and neurosurgeon, we get to do surgeries together. As equals and not me as the intern anymore.” That makes Mark smile softly, the idea of it clearly making him happy.

“That sounds wonderful. Really wonderful.”

They cuddle together and watch TV, pressing soft kisses on each other’s skin from time to time. Lexie lets herself be happy for once and pushes aside the lingering sadness of her miscarriage, just enjoying her well deserved cuddles with her favorite person in the world. Mark rubs her arm gently and she can see the little frown on his face when he’s thinking about something. She gives him his space, letting him brood in silence since she can differentiate when she should say something or just let him be.

“Did you… Have you changed your mind?” His thumb rubs soft circles on her shoulder, his lips pressing soft kisses on her hair. She looks up at him curiously.

“About what?”

“About marriage. About… marrying me.” Mark doesn’t look directly into her eyes and instead stares on a spot on her cheek. She frowns as she has to think for a moment on what he’s talking about when she remembers her words after he admitted her into psych. She lifts her good arms and softly caresses his cheek.

“Mark, I was pumped full with medication and having a mental breakdown. I didn’t know what I was saying. So no, I didn’t change my mind because I feel the same way I did back then, actually even stronger now. I want to marry you. I mean, I’m pretty sure my speech I gave you when I woke up was half a proposal already.” She can see the relief on his face at her words and kisses her forehead, his face lighting back up with a smile.

“If that’s the case… what kind of time frame is appropriate for me to propose to you?” Lexie giggles at the way Mark words his question like a business idea and she kisses his cheek softly.

“Well, I don’t wanna be proposed to when I’m in these miserable casts and sitting in a wheelchair. So maybe when I’ve fully healed and can actually stand when you get on one knee.” Mark chuckles at her words and wraps both arms around her shoulders, holding her close. She rubs his arm as she continues. “But I would say yes whenever. Literally at any time.”

“That’s good. Really good.” They cuddle for a while

longer until Mark gets up to finish dinner, bringing two plates to the couch so they could eat together. The hospital food had been good enough but Mark had always been an exceptional cook so to eat something that he cooked for her again was heartwarming and delicious at the same time. She can feel his eyes on her and there’s a happy, satisfied glint in there, knowing he had successfully provided and cared for his girlfriend. Lexie finishes her plate quickly and Mark puts everything away. She tries to convince him to sit down and watch the game, that she would manage in taking a shower on her own and getting dressed for bed but Mark wouldn’t hear any of it and helped her diligently. 

Putting on her pajamas is a struggle with the two big casts but Mark is much more patient than her and takes his time to not hurt her or rip the material. He blow dries her hair and even does her skincare for her, knowing she could do it with her left hand but something about him taking care of her like this fills him with pride and joy. He carries her to bed and lays her down on her side of the bed, untouched as Mark had let no one else sleep there. He tucks her in with a concentration that could rival an athlete and rounds the bed and lays down next to her, sighing softly as he props his head up on his shoulder next to her and starts the TV in the bedroom right across from the bed and lays his arm over her waist. She smiles as she looks up at him, his fingers absently caressing her side up and down as he watches the game. Lexie can’t help but admire him, his dark-greyish beard and hair complementing him so beautifully, his obviously attractive physique a turn on for her, especially in his shirtless state as that’s how he always sleeps. Her eyes drift towards his arm that’s caressing her side, the bulging muscles on them reminding her of his strength and how controlled he is over it considering he always treats her so gently, like a princess. She looks back up at his face, wondering how a man could just… look so beautiful and perfect. It nags at her and reminds her of an age old insecurity she’s had ever since she first started sleeping with him.

“Lex? You okay, baby?” She hadn’t noticed in her daydreaming that Mark had turned towards her. She blinks up at him a few times, still surprised by how attune he is to her emotions and he smiles softly. “I can hear you thinking from here. Sometimes I think I have a Lexie alert button in my brain that tells me when something’s going on.”

She laughs softly at that and rubs his wrist with her thumb, the physical touch always grounding her.

“I don’t know if this is gonna sound stupid but… sometimes I feel like I’m out of your league. And it doesn’t really matter because you’re my soulmate and I’m yours and I don’t ever wanna be separated from you… But it just makes me feel insecure sometimes. You look like a model that could be on a Calvin Klein ad campaign on a giant billboard in the city but… I’m not really like that. I don’t think I’m ugly but… I just look ordinary. There’s much more beautiful women out in the world than me.” Mark really listens to her thoughts with a frown and kisses her temple gently.

“You’re so blind to your own beauty, you know? You don’t look ordinary, you never have. You might not have noticed it but I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you on your first day. You were just… so beautiful. I made myself ignore you because I felt like a sleezy, old perv just watching you from afar.” Lexie giggles at his words, shaking her head. “But you were so beautiful. You still are, even more so now that I know you and know who you are and what you mean to me. I wouldn’t glance at a million different women in a room if you were there too. You’re the only one I ever want to look at.” Lexie’s heart feels like it’s doing cartwheels in her chest and the love in her eyes makes Mark’s heart clench. He leans down to kiss her passionately, her body full with want and need. She moans desperately into his mouth and takes his wrist that was caressing her side and moves it down, underneathq her panties and pyjama pants.

“Lexie, Baby… you know we can’t.”

“We just can’t have intercourse, Mark. We can still do other things where I won’t have to move.” He tries to keep his cool but his fingers reach her wetness and every rational thought in his head is thrown out of the window. He must be moaning louder than Lexie when his fingers rub her clit and folds gently, the simple feeling of her most intimate parts after being separated for so long invoking a deep need inside of him. Maybe other men who didn’t have their soulmate, who weren’t blessed to have a goddess like Lexie to come home to wouldn’t understand but having sex with her just felt different. No other woman, and god forbid he’s had many, made him feel the way she does, made him want to bring her as much pleasure as he could for the rest of his life. It was once unthinkable to Mark to only have one woman to have sex with for the rest of his life, let alone have a life and a future with her… now he couldn’t imagine his life without Lexie and never wanted to.

Lexie feels Mark’s long, skilled fingers touch her like an instrument, as if he knew every string he had to pull to get a sound out of her. Her eyes are closed as she moans so sweetly, the pleasure she’s feeling for the first time in months making her all the more sensitive. She twitches when Mark slowly inserts two of his fingers inside of her and his thumb continues with rubbing her clit and she breathes shakily. Mark leans down and presses soft, gentle kisses on the side of her face.

“Shhh, just like that, sweetheart. So good for me, you’re doing so well. You’re so wet for me, hm? My sweet princess. All mine.” Lexie feels like she will combust from his words, the raspiness in his voice making the knot inside her burn even more. She looks up at him with glassy eyes, moaning loudly as his eyes look down at her. She holds his gaze weakly as his fingers get increasingly faster and her mouth opens, a long, dragged out moan coming out of it as she reaches her orgasm. Mark gently keeps going, his fingers rubbing her folds and clit until she’s twitching from overstimulation. He pulls his fingers out and his eyes close as he licks her wetness off of them, the moan he lets out as he tastes her, making Lexie breathe out shakily.

“God, you taste so sweet. Like honey and home.” He sighs, a cute frown on his face as he peppers her face in kisses. “I wish I could taste it properly.” She smiles weakly, unable to respond as sleep pulls her under and Mark smiles in endearment, softly kissing her cheek. He knows how sleepy she always got after an orgasm and with the added stress of being discharged and the meds she had to take, he knew it had been a long day for her so he turned the TV off and cuddled her, his heart at ease knowing he's sleeping next to the woman he loves dearly for the first time in months.

This time, hopefully forever.