Archive of Our Own ^beta

The room was peaceful even as it stormed and rained outside. This was Selwyn’s first time back in his room since it all happened. He has been through so much in the past months this type of peace did not feel real even though he knew it wasn't gonna last. Last night they found a way to bring him back to his normal self, physically at least.

Mentally he would never fully go back to the arrogant, sarcastic, and ruthless Selwyn everybody knew. Although he wasn't famous among most people, that was still him. He wants to cry at the thought of being this weak and passive person he feels like right about now.

He is sitting in a chair watching rain drops race down the window. He rolls his eyes when the one he was rooting for loses. He hears footsteps before they even reach the door and sighs when they knock.

“Sel, it’s me. Can I come in?” Nick’s voice comes through the door smoothly.

Selwyn doesn't speak, instead he gets up and opens the door. He is greeted by Nick who offers him an almost nervous smile. He sidesteps and lets him in. When he closes the door and turns around he can see Nick standing and looking at him with those beautiful blue eyes.

“How are you holding up?” Nick asks.

He walks in front of Nick with his hands tucked in his pockets. Selwyn really didn't feel like talking but it wasn't in him to ignore Nick, he could never ignore Nick. “Better now.”

Nick nods before looking down and then around the room. Selwyn tilts his head in curiosity wondering why Nick is acting like this. After 30 seconds Nick finally looks back up to meet Selwyn’s eyes.

“Ive been thinking about this for some time and I couldn't wait any longer.” Selwyn gestures for Nick to continue. “I came to apologize."

Selwyn blinks. “What?”

Nick clenches his jaw. “From the night you became my kingsmage, I wasn't good to you.”

Selwyn sighs, already knowing where this is about to go. “Nicholas–”

“I was mean, selfish, spiteful.” Nick continues, as his eyes begin to water. “I had so much rage and anger inside of me. And I didn't know where to put it. So I put it on you.”

Selwyn's eyes begin to water, and all he wants to do is tell Nick to stop and that it’s okay, even though it isn't. And never was.

“I was hurting” Nick blinks through the tears, he does not wipe them as they fall down his face. He just continues. “And I was so miserable" He sniffles and continues to speak as he chokes back tears. “I was too young to understand that you didn't have a choice in any of this either. You've been forced to protect me half your life, and I didn't make it easy. So, I’m sorry Selwyn for everything. I truly am.” Nick finally breathes. His blue eyes basically submerged in tears.

Selwyn nods as he wipes a tear that falls from his eyes and swallows. He meets Nick’s eyes and another tear slides down his eyes. This is all he’s needed to hear since before Nick left the order. Some closure for all those years he had to endure and suffer with Nick’s “hate for him” on top of working for the order.

Before he can understand what he’s doing he walks up and hugs Nick, who immediately hugs him black. They have never hugged each other before and are both equally surprised by how much it can mean. They stand wrapped in each other's warmth and breathing each other in for what feels like an eternity. They feel every punch and jab that they've thrown at each other, fade. It doesn't fade away but instead it fades into them, becoming a part of what makes them Nick and Selwyn.