Chapter Text
Enchanted Forest
Many years ago
The great hall glitters.
Gold chandeliers, polished marble, silk banners in deep royal reds. Everything is beautiful, extravagant, dazzling – everything her mother ever said a queen should have. Everything a girl should want.
Regina sits beside King Leopold, a jeweled crown pressing into her temples like a hand trying to crush her skull. Her gown is heavy, suffocating. The perfume on her skin feels foreign. Her hands rest perfectly in her lap, fingers still, posture flawless – a doll sculpted to look serene.
She just turned seventeen – not even a month ago.
Being in this celebration with people who don’t know her, but still bow to her it was never something Regina wanted for her life. All she ever wanted was having Daniel by her side – getting married, having children and being happy together.
But everything was destroyed by her mother and for that, Regina will never forgive her.
A piece of her heart has been ripped out of her chest and now, there’s a dark deep hole instead – one that’ll never be filled.
The Queen looks to the throne next to her and there he is, the Great King Leopold – smiling and kind as always, but only to his people and his beloved Snow White.
The King never treated her with respect – let alone like a bride is supposed to be treated – and Regina doubts it’ll change now that she’s officially his wife. To him, she’s merely a consolation prize – just someone to play mommy to his brat.
You know when your child’s favorite pet dies and you get another similar one to replace it and compensate? Regina feels exactly like that.
Not that she ever had a pet in her life – Mother deemed inappropriate for a girl like her to take care of a filthy pet. Not to mention that she would get attached to it – and love is weakness.
Regina looks at her husband again – she recoils at the thought – and he smiles pleasantly, warmly, as nobles line up to offer gifts. Every time he touches her hand she has to stop herself from flinching.
A duke steps forward. He bows – it’s dramatic and so forced.
“For our radiant new queen,” he declares, offering a necklace of pearls the size of small eggs – horrendous.
Regina curves her lips upward, “So lovely. Thank you,” she murmurs. Inside her chest, something curls tighter, smaller – pearls. White as bone.
She’s starting to despise everything White.
She wonders if Daniel’s hands are cold now and if the soil on his grave has settled. She wasn’t allowed to attend his funeral – Mother forbade her from speaking his name out loud.
Snow White sits next to her father, beaming – pure joy and innocence. She thinks this is a fairy tale and her father married a beautiful princess. She is still allowed to believe in those. Regina isn’t.
Another gift comes – handwoven tapestries. Then gold coins. Jewels. Silks from distant kingdoms – Mother smiles politically from across the hall and Regina tries to remember if Cora ever smiled this much.
Her own cheeks hurt from smiling.
Leopold laughs kindly at something a nobleman says. He glances at Regina just long enough to nod and make it appear like they are united – like there is affection, like this is a real marriage and not a cage. She is his queen. A symbol.
He does not look at her like she is a person. He does not see that she is bleeding inside herself.
An elderly countess approaches, slow and frail, holding a carved wooden box.
“A gift for your future,” the woman says, eyes bright with pride, “for when you bless the kingdom with an heir. May your marriage be fruitful and joyous.”
Regina’s ribs turn to ice, but she swallows her panic and nods – throat burning.
“Your generosity honors us,” she says softly and her husband beams – as if the idea of binding her to him more completely is something to celebrate.
The Queen keeps smiling – if she stops now, she thinks she may never start again.
Another noble bows. Another gift. Another word of praise. They say she is lucky. They say she is chosen. They say she must feel blessed. Regina nods, thanks them, performs perfection with each breath – Mother taught her well.
Inside, she screams so loudly she is certain the sound is shaking the walls – but no one hears it. No one ever hears it.
The next noble steps forward and she smiles at him a little wider – he is younger than the rest; not much older than Regina herself; tall, with dark hair and eyes that seem to study her rather than simply look at her. His expression is polite, composed – but something about him is wrong. And she cannot name what.
“Your Majesty,” he says, voice smooth as polished stone, “I am Duke Gaspar of Nottingham. It is an honor to offer my gift to the new Queen,” he opens a slim wooden case and Regina feels her breath stop.
Inside lies a necklace of jet-black stones, polished into teardrop beads, strung between delicate gold filigree. Not bright. Not ostentatious. Not meant to shine. Unlike all the other jewelry she received from noble people – they gifted her thinking about the White family. What Princess Snow and King Leopold would like and not what Queen Regina would like.
“Obsidian,” the duke explains softly, “said to protect the bearer from being corrupted by the grief of others.”
Her fingers move before she can think, brushing lightly across the stones. She feels something for the first time today that is not numbness.
“... It’s stunning,” she murmurs, “truly.”
A flicker – like satisfaction – passes through the duke’s eyes. Gone as soon as it appears.
“I am honored it pleases you, Your Majesty.”
“Yes, yes – a fine gift. Quite unusual, but fitting, I suppose.” Her husband comments, and gestures vaguely to move the line along, already dismissing both Regina and the duke without thought.
Dinner is served a while later and Regina is thankful for the reprieve of smiling – she wasn’t sure how much more she could’ve handled without stabbing her eye with a fork. There’s a lot of music being played – some she never heard before –, people drunk talking loudly and noblemen discussing the kingdom’s interests.
Regina doesn’t care about any of that, but Cora puffs out her chest to say her daughter is a Queen and people have the privilege of witnessing the greatest wedding ever seen in the White Kingdom – which she herself had organized.
Snow White hasn’t been seen in a few hours and for that, the Queen is grateful. There’s only adults in the room now and the party is already showing signs that it’s coming to an end – much to her dismay. Tonight she’ll officially become a wife with the consummation of the marriage. And that gives her chills.
This isn’t how she imagined her first time.
She never went beyond kissing Daniel, and the thought that, in such a short time, she’ll have to submit to her husband’s demands is terrifying. The men present in the hall keep casting disconcerting glances at her and she knows it’s because of the dress she’s wearing.
Leopold hated the dress Cora picked for her daughter, so he had another one made because the King wanted everyone to see how beautiful his new wife was.
The white dress reaches her feet, clinging tightly to her body in one of the finest silks available, but the bust is intricately detailed with a seethrough lace and a plunging neckline that leaves a large portion of her breasts exposed. She feels like prey in the midst of its predators.
Her eyes find her father’s and he smiles kindly, giving her a boost of courage. She can see the pain in his eyes, but he’d never dare to go against his wife’s wishes – Regina loves him, but never ceases to be disappointed in his cowardice.
The party draws to a close, and with it, a tightness in her chest. She constantly needs to drink water from the golden goblet in front of her to avoid vomiting. The Queen takes a deep breath, gathering the courage to stand and one of her maids approaches, telling her it’s time – the woman is elderly and looks at her with a certain pity.
Leopold seems drunk and can barely stand on his own, and the fact makes Regina a little happier; with a bit of luck, she might escape this night if he falls unconscious – but luck and Regina Mills have never been mentioned in the same conversation.
The brunette walks up the giant, cold, and imposing staircase that sends shivers down her spine. Her dress trails heavily behind her steps on its enormous length as the maids hold it up to prevent their queen from falling – Regina hopes quietly she does.
She enters the room alongside the two women in complete silence.
“Do what he says, my Queen,” the younger maid whispers in her ear while helping her take off the dress.
Regina doesn’t dare to utter a word. She’ll scream if she tries.
But she doesn’t have time to think about it, Leopold enters the room with a smile on his face and, seeing his wife partially naked, approaches her with a penetrating and intimidating gaze – it makes her want to hide under the bed.
“Leave us,” he orders without taking his eyes off of her.
She has her body facing away from him, but her face turned toward him, hiding her breasts with her hands as best as she can. Being naked in front of a strange man is new to her – but she surmises she’ll have to get used to it; she’s a wife now and a queen. She has her duties.
The King waits for them to be alone to walk closer, approaching the woman from behind and placing both hands on her waist. He grasps the white dress there and tugs it down – Regina hears the fabric tearing. The cold, thin silk slides down her legs to the floor, leaving her completely naked in front of her husband.
She wants to cry and run away – but where would she go?
Cora would never accept that kind of behavior from her – not now that she finally made her daughter a Queen.
“Lay down on the bed, Regina. You shall be mine today.”
She does as requested, silently crying the whole time. He does not comment on the tears rolling down her face – she knows he doesn’t care.
Storybrooke
Present day
When she opens her eyes, she doesn’t know where she is – doesn’t even remember how she ended up here. Her head hurts – it feels like someone is playing drums up there; her whole body is aching and she has to open and close her eyes several times before she can actually see something.
She’s in a… bedroom? The bed is, surprisingly, comfortable but she can’t recognize anything in her surroundings. It’s a big bedroom, smelling like varnished wood, daffodils and… fairy dust? The mayor tries to focus her vision when the door opens and she sees – a little blurry – the Blue Fairy and Mary Margaret entering, both with worried expressions.
What the hell am I doing here? Where the hell is here?
“Regina! You’re awake!” Snow exclaims, hurrying her steps until she’s right next to the bed.
“Apparently,” she mumbles, swatting the woman’s hand away when she tries to touch her forehead, “what am I doing here?”
“Henry found you unconscious in your office,” Snow says softly and the Blue Fairy pulls out her wand, “so we took you to Whale, but you were getting worse so we called Mother Superior and brought you to the convent.”
“How long have I been unconscious exactly?” She asks furrowing her brows and both women sigh, exchanging glances.
“32 hours,” the fairy answers with pity.
“What the hell?!” Regina tries to get up, alarmed that she was out for almost three days, but an immense dizziness prevents her, and Snow makes her lie down again.
“You need rest. Your body is still weak,” the princess says gently, this time not letting Regina swat her hand away.
“I’ve rested for thirty-two hours, Snow, I’m fine,” she protests and Snow rolls her eyes, but drops her hand. “You know what happened to me?”
The women, once again, exchange worried glances, and Regina feels her chest tightening – is she dying?
Snow takes a deep breath and turns back to her, holding her hand tightly.
“Spill it.”
“We don’t know why exactly, Regina,” Mother Superior approaches her bed and puts the wand down on the bedside table, “but it’s like your magic is fighting something inside you. And it’s draining it, leaving you weak and tired all the time.”
“Fighting something? Am I sick?”
Snow shakes her head, “No, and that’s the weird part. You’re healthy, there’s no sickness – and Blue couldn’t find anything magic related either – whatever it is, we can’t find it. We asked Belle for help too, but she hasn’t found anything yet.”
For the first time in a very long time, Regina feels utter terror. It can’t be a coincidence – not with Morgan being involved in Zelena’s disappearance. This is, somehow, connected to her, but Regina doesn’t know what could it be – it’s not physical, otherwise Whale would’ve found something and it isn’t magical either, because Blue would know.
Even though Whale got his PHd from a curse and the nun is just a magical moth, Regina can admit they would’ve found something, at least a trace of whatever it is that’s wrong with her.
“Where’s my son?” She asks, clearing her throat – even though she and Snow are on good terms nowadays, she won’t let herself show more weakness than she already has.
“With David and Neal, back at the loft.”
“Emma?” She doesn’t even know why she’s asking about Emma, but she wants to know.
“At the station.”
Regina nods her head quietly – a part of her feels disappointed that the Savior wasn’t there when she woke up, but after their ‘fight’ in her office, Regina can’t really blame her for not showing up. It still hurts, but she brushes it off and gets up.
“Where are you going?” Snow asks, a little alarmed and extending her arms to help her in case she falls.
“Home. I need a shower – desperately.” Both women try to protest but Regina lifts her index finger, silencing them, “Don’t even try.”
“Well, since I know you’re not going to change your mind, I advise you not to use magic for now,” Blue says calmly and Regina hates that the moth is right, “It’s dangerous and we don’t know what could cause you.”
“Alright,” she nods sadly.
“Let me examine you before you go.” Blue grabs her wand again and takes a step closer to the queen, who snaps at her.
“I don’t remember giving you a medical degree when I cast the curse, in fact… aren’t you specialized in candles?” She retorts, pissed as hell, but Snow puts her foot down and glares at her until she sighs, defeated – she can’t believe this. “Fine. Do whatever you want.”
“Sit down and close your eyes.”
Regina can’t help but think how ridiculous this is; she’s already feeling better. There’s no reason for all of this. She wants to go home, maybe have a drink – or several – shower and eat something to stop the low rumble of her stomach.
Ok, fine, she passed out and was out for almost three days – and also, apparently almost died – but she’s fine now. Perfectly fine. There’s no need for all the fuss.
“Close your eyes, Regina,” the nun asks once again, raising her wand.
“I miss the days when everyone feared me and didn’t try to boss me around,” she mumbles, but she does what the fairy asked and closes her eyes.
“Stop acting like a petulant child and let Mother Superior help you,” Snow White snaps at her, but unfortunately the brunette’s eyes are closed, preventing the princess from seeing the eye roll Regina gives her.
The Queen feels the magic invade her body – it’s pure, but not quite as pure as Emma’s. And it’s like someone’s slowly brushing a feather against her skin. She starts to feel it vibrating all over her, and it’s warm – really warm.
“How is she, Blue?”
“Her magic is stable now, but still weakened,” she mutters and Regina opens her eyes, seeing the true worry on the fairy’s face, “Doesn’t matter what happens, Regina, do not use your magic. And don’t get angry, aggravated, annoyed or anything that could trigger your magic.”
“That’s hard – right now, I’m pretty annoyed.”
Blue ignores the jab and continues, “Anything that can make your magic react needs to be avoided. At least until we know what’s going on.”
“Ok, I understand,” she raises her hand in surrender and the fairy breaths out, relieved, “I’d like to go home now, please.”
“Can I call Emma to come pick us up?” Regina looks alarmed at that, so Snow quickly completes, “Or you prefer to walk? It’s a beautiful night – I can walk you.”
“Yeah, yeah – I’d like that.”
And surprisingly, she does like Snow’s company as they walk towards the mansion. It really is a beautiful night and it’s a little bit cold, but nothing they can’t handle. Regina’s still feeling her body complaining, and her former stepdaughter walks very close to prevent any accidents.
“Zelena visited you in the hospital. She was worried.”
“I’ll check up on her later,” the mayor tries to smile, but can’t – she’s too worried about what could be happening and about not being able to use her magic anymore.
They arrive at the mansion after twenty minutes, and Regina stops right in front of the gate, turning to Mary Margaret with a genuine, though small, smile on her lips.
“Can you let Zelena know that I’m awake?”
“Yes, and I’ll call Emma too and she’ll bring Henry to stay with you.”
“There’s no need for that now, Snow. I need… I need to be alone for a while,” she takes a deep breath and the princess nods her head quietly, turning away to leave, “And Snow?”
“Yes?”
“Tell Zelena that, if Whale’s ok with it, she can go back to her farm.”
The princess nods again, this time more eager and smiling proudly.
Regina walks inside and, after closing the door, she allows herself to finally break down. The Queen sits on the floor, her back to the door, hugging her knees. What’s happening? Nothing makes sense anymore.
It’s not an illness, there’s no reason for her energy to be drained and, especially, for her magic to be acting like that – it’s absurd.
She stays hours in the same position trying to search through her memories what could’ve triggered that, but all she could remember was her fight with Emma in her office.
And with that memory, she cries harder. Emma hurt her in unimaginable ways, playing that game with Lily – and playing with her heart. At no point she had thought about how it would affect her, and that hurt her even more.
How could Emma Swan be so stupid?
She cries more, the tears soaking the sleeves of her blouse, feeling the pain in her chest, but at the same time she feels a horrible emptiness, greater than what she felt when her mother took Daniel’s life in front of her – and that terrifies her.
The Queen raises her head and glances around the dark house, illuminated only by the moonlight, and the emptiness grows. She’s alone; she has no one who truly loves her beside Henry, and the only person who – she thought – cared a little, has hurt her. Again.
The only question lingering in her mind is: why?
Why did she do it? What was the reason?
Regina squeezes her knees even tighter, bringing them closer to her chest. Damn her heart and damn the blonde destined to destroy her.
With great effort, Regina gets up determined to take a shower. She needs to wash away all this sadness and melancholy, but stops halfway up the stairs when she hears knocking at the door. The last thing she wants is visitors, but her good manners won’t allow her to simply ignore whoever it is.
And she shouldn’t be surprised.
“Miss Swan?!”
“Hi,” the blonde smiles shyly, and the mayor takes a deep breath so she won’t throw her across the yard – not only she cannot use her magic, but she can’t get angry either.
“What do you want?”
“Just came to check on you,” she shrugs, still unsure of herself.
“Good, you just did. Goodnight.” Regina tries to close the door, but Emma stops her with her hand then takes a step back – she’s not about to appear threatening to the mayor, especially knowing about her condition.
“Regina, please –”
She won’t give up, and the brunette knows this, so she turns around and walks toward her kitchen, leaving the door open – it’s not exactly a clear invitation, but Emma takes it as one anyway.
“Can we talk?”
“There’s nothing to talk about, Miss Swan,” she opens her fridge, her back turned to the blonde, and takes a bottle of an already opened wine from there – if they’re having this conversation, she’s gonna need alcohol. Lots of it.
“Yes, yes there is,” Emma says softly watching the mayor pour the wine – she doesn’t offer the blonde a glass, “I’m sorry. I fucked up – it wasn’t my intention to hurt you, I promise. But I am sorry.”
“If you came here just to tell me the same half assed excuses, you didn’t need to bother. I’ve heard them already – I know the script.”
“Ok –” Emma takes a deep breath, “I want you to know that I’m not trying to make up excuses and I’m taking responsibility for what I did to you – and I really am sorry. It doesn’t matter when, or if, you forgive me, I’m not going anywhere, ok? And I really came here to see you – I was worried sick and still am. You scared the fuck out of me, Regina –” she rambles on, “then my mom calls me to say you’re not only awake but already back home – God, we don’t even know what happened or what’s wrong and,” the sheriff shakes her head, but the mayor remains silent – watching, listening, “and I feel so guilty for finding out about it hours later – I stayed by your side in the hospital because I was worried. Then when they moved you to the convent, Blue said I couldn’t stay there because my magic could interfere with what she was doing. Fuck! I thought I was going to lose you, Regina and –” the blonde stops to take another deep breath and wipe away her tears, “and if you – if that – I couldn’t… I couldn’t take it, and I would never forgive myself for being so stupid, I should’ve never had accepted that dumb as fuck idea.”
Regina feels the sincerity in her, hears it in her voice and sees it in her eyes, but she can’t forgive her. It hurts too much that she purposefully put her aside because of a stupid game – and for what? She never told her why and frankly, Regina couldn’t care less. What matters is what she did – and it wasn’t an accident, nor could she claim she didn’t know like she claimed with the whole ‘Marian’ thing.
“I appreciate your concern, Miss Swan, but I can take care of myself,” Regina avoids her eyes – she can look at her, it hurts too much. Her pain is too intense, and looking at Emma only makes everything worse.
It is as if she’s remembering the worst moments of her life. All the times she had been alone and tossed aside by everyone around her. Especially when she was married. Regina was invisible; they only saw her young and beautiful body.
She wasn’t a person, she was a trophy. And Emma’s actions made her feel like that again.
“Regina, please, forgive me,” she begs, taking the brunette’s hand over the counter.
They stare at each other for a few seconds, and with a slight tug, Regina breaks the contact, looking away once again.
“You can leave through the same door you came in.”
Knowing her sister had authorized her discharge from the hospital made Zelena extremely happy and hopeful – she feels now she’s gaining Regina’s trust. Her affection is one thing, but her trust is completely different – Regina doesn’t trust easily at all. And that’s what she’s aiming for.
Her conditions to leave the hospital are: checks up regularly at the hospital to make sure the baby is ok, weekly sessions with that insect doctor and wearing the bracelet until Regina says otherwise. She’s not upset about that – she misses her magic, the feeling it brings her, but she knows this is a consequence of her actions.
And now she can focus on cultivating their friendship – maybe one day they’ll see each other as actual sisters. For now, even worried out of her mind about her sister’s health condition, Zelena can’t do much, only wait.
Ruby has been her support, helping her with everything she needs – the werewolf even cleaned the entire house so she’d be able to return without worrying about anything. And now, she’s helping her buy groceries – specifically what to make for dinner.
“So, what are you making tonight?” Ruby asks as she pushes the shopping cart.
“I don’t know, I’m not good in the kitchen,” she confesses and the wolf laughs out loud, nodding her head.
“Alright, let me take over then.”
Carefully and attentively, the long-legged brunette begins to look at the products on the shelves and toss them into her cart when she finds what she wants – Zelena notices they are simple ingredients, yet healthy. No junk food as her sister likes to call it.
“No junk food,” Ruby says and Zelena bites back a smile, “You need to eat well because of the little one,” she points at the redhead’s belly, “if you want, I can even teach you a few recipes.”
“You’d do that?”
“Of course, Zee, you’re my friend,” she answers as a ‘duh, this is obvious’ and the witch finds herself nodding with a soft smile on her face – the word ‘friend’ lingers and she feels strangely disappointed, but still happy to have Ruby with her.
“Thank you, darling,” the redhead kisses the corner of her lips, and Ruby blushes profusely, opening a large smile soon after, “Shall we move along now? I need something sweet.”
“Zelena! By the Gods –” Ruby exclaims, chuckling and trying to turn off the stove – the fire alarm beeps incessantly and the black smoke billowing from the pot starts to spread through the house, “I can’t believe you managed to burn the pasta! That’s impossible!”
“Bullocks, time travel was supposed to be impossible too, but guess what –” she mutters, rolling her eyes, not at all bothered by the horrible smell in the kitchen, “I told you I suck at this.”
“Guess we’re not having pasta for dinner,” the wolf shakes her head, amused at the pout in Zelena’s lips, “Gonna make us some sandwiches – how ‘bout that, greenie?”
Zelena’s stomach growls in response and the wolf only nods her head, laughing a bit more – she’s hungry and hasn’t eaten since the hospital served her lunch. And she’s pretty sure that a large part of the blame lies with the tiny human growing inside of her.
“Regina talked to you lately?” Ruby asks, watching the witch with her attentive eyes.
“Not really. Why?”
“Nothing, just…” She stops herself, and shrugs.
It makes Zelena suspicious.
“What?”
“Nothing, Zee, don’t worry about it, ‘kay?” she smiles at the woman, trying to reassure her, but Zelena can sense something’s amiss and is beginning to suspect that her sister’s behavior isn’t solely due to her mysterious illness. If they could call it that. “Ham or tuna?”
After leaving Regina’s house with a broken heart, Emma goes straight to the loft – there’s nothing she can do now. She can wait a few days until their emotions cool down and she’ll try again.
She can’t blame her for not forgiving her – she wouldn’t forgive herself. And above all of that, she feels guilty for not being there for the Queen when she needed her. Henry was the one who found her unconscious, and everyone – everyone – tried to call her, but she was too busy isolating herself from the world to notice when the woman needed her help.
When Emma got to the hospital, Whale informed her that the mayor’s status was serious and only getting worse. And her world collapsed. The fear of losing the woman, even without actually having her, overwhelmed her – and Emma almost had a panic attack.
But then no one could tell her what was wrong, they didn’t know how to help her and Emma wasn’t about to watch the love of her life die while the doctor just sat around doing nothing – so she called Mother Superior. And Blue was at least able to tell her that the problem was the mayor’s own magic.
“What happened, honey?” Mary Margaret’s voice snaps her out of her trance and she grimaces.
“Nothing,” she shakes her head, taking a sip of her cocoa.
But Snow isn’t having none of this, so she sits across from her daughter on the counter and remains there, staring at her in silence.
“Seriously, mom. It’s nothing.”
“This ‘nothing’ of yours is five feet four inches tall, has black hair, and goes by the name Regina?” she inquires sharply, analyzing the blonde with those enormous eyes – it’s intimidating.
“Why would Regina have something to do with this?” the blonde tries to sound nonchalant, but it’s hard as fuck to lie with her mother’s accusing look directed at her.
“I don’t know, you tell me,” her mother shrugs, and picks up her coffee mug – it irks Emma that she looks so calm, unbothered even, but she can see and feel the curiosity gnawing at her inside.
The fear that her mother might suspect something about her feelings for Regina is suffocating, and Lily’s blunt words echo in her head: “you might as well bark every time she walks by.” – her mother doesn’t even know she’s a lesbian, for God’s sake.
When the word got out that she was dating Lily, she made a point to deny to everyone in sight – Ruby thought it’d be stupid since that was the point, but Emma knew no one would dare to gossip with Regina, so their little prank was safe – and when the news got to her mother’s ear, Emma told her it was just a rumor and that she and Lily were friends.
“Regina has nothing to do with this.”
“Of course not, she never does,” her mother smiles at her and Emma is sure it’s ironic, but she has no way to prove it – Snow White is not the type of person to be this passive aggressive, “I know you two aren’t talking again because she just got out of the hospital and, if you were, you’d be holed up at the mansion with her, annoying her.”
“Look, mom – Regina doesn’t keep me on a leash,” her voice is sarcastic, and Snow isn’t impressed, “She hates me, alright? Full-on hates me. I could show up sparkling like a damn treasure chest and she’d still tell me to get lost. So yeah, business as usual,” she gets up huffing, “I’m leaving.”
“It has something to do with Lily, right?” Snow asks but Emma slams the door behind her, ignoring the question at all.
She needs air – her lungs feel like they are collapsing – so she steps outside and walks. And walk until her legs carry her somewhere far away from anywhere that Regina could be. She ends up at the troll bridge after her walk that was supposed to take only a few minutes turned into hours. Eventually, Emma wanders back to the city, deciding to pick her bug from the station and drive to the Rabbit Hole.
She needs a drink and, hopefully, it’ll help her forget the horrible week she had. The sheriff enters the establishment and the music nearly deafens her, but she makes her way to the bar. She’s determined to drink until she forgets her own damn name – and the stupid thing she did.
“Please can I get your strongest drink? Like – whatever could knock out a horse,” she asks as she sits down on one of the stools and the bartender nods with an understanding smile.
The bar is rather empty – it is still early – so Emma can’t help but notice the man who sits down next to her, but he isn’t anyone special – she doesn’t even recognize his face – so the sheriff doesn’t pay much attention to him. Soon, the bartender returns with the drink she ordered and Swan decides to focus solely on herself.
And damn, the drink is strong – it burns like gasoline down her throat.
She downs one after another until she can barely taste the alcohol in the drink.
And for a long time, while trying to disconnect from the world, the sheriff notices the stranger’s eyes burning into her side, causing her an unpleasant sensation and making her anxious – she hopes he isn’t some sort of a drunken creep, she’s so not in the mood for that.
When she turns to look at him, she can’t help but roll her eyes – she finally remembers him. He’s the imbecile who had danced with Regina the day they were at the bar. She scoffs, angry at herself and at the fucking Universe – it really likes to play with the blonde’s mind, making everything around her remind her of Regina Mills.
“Drowning your sorrows, Sheriff Swan?” he asks with a wry smile, turning to the bartender, “Another beer, please.”
“Somethin’ like that,” she mumbles, fighting the urge to roll her eyes.
“The mayor’s not with you today, eh?”
Count to ten, Emma, don’t kill this son of a bitch.
“She’s not hiding in my pockets, dude,” she huffs, annoyed at the man’s audacity.
“Oh, sorry, sheriff,” he chuckles and takes a sip of the beer the bartender hands him, “Guess asking for your help won’t work – gonna talk to her myself.”
“Yeah, don’t even try,” Emma says through gritted teeth, but the man doesn’t seem to notice. Or pretends not to hear – she really can’t tell.
“I’d rather take my chances, especially now that I know she doesn’t have her magic,” he drops some bills on the counter and stands up, leaving Emma confused by his words – she’s not processing things quickly enough, “by the way, my name is Gaspar.”
Swan pretends not to hear, and the man walks away – she hopes he gets hit by a car. The blonde sighs, and focuses back on her drink while watching the people dancing out of the corner of her eye. She sees Lily making out with a blonde girl and rolls her eyes – the last thing she wants is to interact with Lilith Page.
Emma pulls her phone out of her pocket and opens her current favorite game – Candy Crush – while she works hard to get shitfaced. And it’s fucking working.
But the man’s words keep echoing in the back of her mind – what the hell did he mean by that? If she had understood correctly what he said. And how the fuck could he know about Regina’s magic? Or lack thereof.
Swan looks back, searching for him, but doesn’t find him anywhere.
In a flash of memory, she remembers the break-in at the mayor’s house. Could it have been him?
“Especially now that I know she doesn’t have her magic.”
Regina’s home alone and she lost sight of the man. How much more can she fuck up? In a hurry, Emma throws some bills on the counter and runs toward the exit. She bumps into several people, some she’s sure fall to the ground, but there’s no time to apologize.
Outside, the sheriff tries to spot the man somewhere – anywhere – but to no avail. He disappeared some time ago and she just sat there, drinking like a fucking loser.
She tries calling the queen, but the phone goes to voicemail. So she runs.
Enchanted Forest
Many years ago
One year of marriage. Twelve months of pure loneliness, sadness and suffering.
To Regina, the worst part of it all is to obey all the king’s wishes. He’s a disgusting, unscrupulous man who forces his wife to do things she doesn’t want to do and can’t complain about – especially in their bedroom.
Snow White reveres her father, and he’s good to her in the same way he’s good to the Kingdom, but that kindness never extended to his wife. She wonders, quite often, if it would hurt if she jumped from the castle’s tallest tower.
“That's a great book, Your Majesty.”
She’s startled by the deep voice beside her. She’s been alone in the garden, with one of the books she has chosen from the castle’s enormous library.
“You’re Duke of Nottingham, right?” The Queen asks, and the man smiles, nodding his head as he bowls. His dark skin stands out against the red and gold suit, which gleams in the sunlight.
“I’m happy you remember, Your Majesty,” he says, his smile soft, “but please, call me Gaspar.”
“Of course,” she agrees politely, “Gaspar, may I ask what are you doing here?”
“His Majesty summoned several nobles a few days ago, so here I am,” he tilts his head, “but I don’t much like solving problems, so I escape whenever I can. Didn’t imagine I’d find you here, though.”
“That’s very… smart of you, my Lord,” Regina says gently, chuckling a bit. It’s nice to talk to someone who actually seems interested in talking to her. And he seems quite funny and charming, it’d be a great friendship for her.
“Is life as Queen everything you’ve ever dreamed of, Your Grace?” Gaspar looks her in the eyes and, for the first time in a really long time, Regina feels that someone is truly seeing her – and that is disconcerting.
“Actually, I never imagined myself with a crown adorning my head,” she points to the gleaming object in her hair – it’s delicate, made of white gold and adorned with a few diamonds. It’s beautiful truly, and she loathes it.
“You look divine with it, Your Grace,” the duke praises, “as delicate and beautiful as Your Majesty is.”
“Thank you, my Lord,” replies the queen, turning to the beautiful landscape of the Royal Garden before her.
“The world is truly beautiful for those who know how to see its beauty,” he says suddenly, looking in the same direction as Her Majesty, “many times we will wake up with no desire to live, but all it takes is opening the window and seeing how blessed we are to live in such a special place. Our problems become insignificant; nature shows us that we can find peace in the worst storms. We need to look from a different angle – to have a new perspective.”
“As a reason to keep living?”
“Precisely,” he nods, “it can be a person, an animal or even a feeling.” The Duke looks at the Queen and then back at the field, his smile widening.
Regina looks for the same thing he’s looking for and her eyes find Snow White on her horse in the middle of the field, smiling excitedly with each gallop the animal gave.
“Revenge can be a huge incentive to stay alive.”
Before she can answer, Regina hears footsteps approaching and turns to see – The King is walking briskly towards her.
“My King,” Gaspar bows, and Leopold merely smiles restrainedly, turning to his wife with a serious expression.
“I’ve been looking for you, Regina.”
“I like to read with the wind blowing on my face, Your Majesty.”
“Yes, yes – I know,” he shakes his head in the way he does when a subject doesn’t interest him at all, “come on, tomorrow is your eighteenth birthday, we need to get ready. And I also need your services.”
The brunette knows exactly what he means by that, and the duke beside her knows too, but there’s nothing either of them can do. Leopold snatches the book from his wife’s hands and, holding her wrist, drags her back inside the castle.