Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Michelangelo had always wanted to see the bright, blinding sun, the robust trees whose leaves would change into sunset colors and then fall. The mountains, too, far away into the deep horizon, imposing, unmovable and inmortal, the rivers and lakes, ever flowing and alive.  

Not like this though. Not with his brother, his oldest and invincible brother beaten up and in a slumber so deep he might never wake up.  

Death was creeping around them, waiting to get as much lives as possible, ever patient and calm. 

Death was coming for Leo, and Mikey was scared. 

Not that he hadn’t thought about the matter before, he never liked the idea of death. But in the farmhouse, he was mostly alone. 

Raph was always with Leo, and Donnie isolated himself in the barn to make something, anything, that could help their injured (half-dead, Mikey’s mind helpfully supplied) brother. 

April and Casey were there, of course, like they always were, but it wasn’t the same. He wanted his brothers and Leo to be ok, and he’s sure his human friends wouldn’t want to stay around him too much anyway. 

So, he found a way to make himself useful, and took the duty of doing the chores all around the place: cleaning (both the house and the barn), cooking and taking care of the chickens. It wasn’t much, but that’s all he felt he could do. 

He also tried to talk to his brothers, make them sleep and eat properly, but they were almost as unresponsive as Leo was. 

He felt helpless and lonely.  

There, surrounded by nature, life and death, being well rested, having all the time in the world and being alone, he started to think too much. 

What if Leo didn’t wake up? The team would be lost, everyone would be crushed, the Kraang would eventually move from New York to the whole world, and when that happened... It would be the end. 

But if he woke up everything would be fine, right? 

They go back to New York and be heroes! Even if humans still totally wanted to cut them open like a frog in a biology class. They would find Master Splinter, Karai and Leatherhead, because they were alive even if it’s most likely that they’re not. But they are, Mikey knows because they have to be, right? Right. 

Although, Mikey did see his father get thrown down a drain. 

But he was a master ninja! He surely was fine. 

He doesn’t know where Leatherhead is. Is he dead too, just like his father? Will Leo join them soon? 

No! No, he can’t think like that. They’re fine, everyone’s fine. Leo’s in a coma but he’s going to be fine, and they will all survive and live a long and pleasant life. 

Mikey finished cleaning the porch, and left the broom leaning against the wall. He sat down on the stairs and rested his cheek on his right hand, while the left stayed still on his leg. 

The sun was already hiding behind the mountain peaks, half of the sky was tainted of a purple-blue color and, around the sun, pinks and oranges danced together, casting sunlight into the pines and reflecting a tiny green gradient. 

The sight was enough to make the turtle smile, having only seen it a few times in his life, all of them in the past two weeks. He would try to get his brothers and the humans to watch the sunset with him. The only one who ever stayed was April though. But the view was beautiful, no matter the company he had. He gazed to the woods. 

Only the pines had been allowed to keep their leaves, as the harsh winter had stripped away any other from most of the trees. The leaves were now dead and gray, covering the ground below them. 

Mikey shivered. He briefly wished he didn’t leave his scarf and jacket in the house. He didn’t like wearing them, clothes felt restrictive, even if they were warm. He was sure that if he was ever forced to wear shoes, he might start a rebellion. The Free Feet Rebellion. Maybe they could invite foot recruits that were forced to work for The Shredder? Would they join because they’re the foot and this is a feet rebellion? 

What was he thinking about earlier? Oh, yeah, the leaves. He would love to see an autumn landscape. With all the trees orange, red and yellow. Would they look like they were in fire? 

He didn’t like the trees being naked, though. The leaves were dead. Mikey remembered that in the Dimension X, when he would kill a small animal, months later the meat would have fallen and rotten away, leaving only the skeleton. He looked at the trees and somehow made a connection.  

Will he end up like those little animals in Dimension X and the trees when winter? Lying on the ground, dead and gray. Dull. Probably yes. Donnie said everyone dies eventually. He hated that. He didn’t want to die, he would miss everyone a lot, and besides, how would being dead feel? Would he even feel it? Again, his brother said it was like ceasing to exist or something. He tried to think about how not existing would be.  

He wouldn’t feel, he wouldn’t have a body, he wouldn’t be. Like, he wouldn’t be at all.  

Splinter said they had spirits. Will his spirit dissolve into the air or something? His head is starting to hurt from thinking about this, but he couldn’t stop. How would not having a body feel? Eyes are a part of the body, right? And the five senses Sensei taught them about. What would he feel with any of them? Would he even feel alive? Well, not feeling alive was probably the point of being dead anyways.  

He can’t help the ice cold feeling that washes over him. He can’t help but be scared. He didn’t know what’s at the other side of life, but he doesn’t want to find out like, ever. He prefers to stay alive with his brothers, forever, if possible, thank you very much. 

He really doesn’t want to end up like the trees on winter, or like the little animals in Dimension X. 

Mikey knows that death doesn’t really care about his wants. He’ll die anyway. 

Will it be soon? Will it be quick? Will it be painful? 

He’d always lived life like a videogame, or a very cool comic book story. Laughing with his brothers, beating up bad guys, eating pizza... 

Suddenly, reality gave him a slap in the face, a punch to the gut and threw a bucket of cold water at him for good measure, because he’s not in a videogame. 

...he’s not in a videogame. 

He’s not Conker in Conker’s Bad Fur Day, he’s not Rayman and he’s not a Fable hero. He didn’t like how bad he felt at that. 

He’s alive. He really is alive, and very, very real.  

Why did that feel like a bad thing to him? 

His teeth clenched and eyes closed. He immediately regretted closing his eyes because that made him feel worse, so he opened them again and stared at the leaves on the ground. 

That also made him feel bad. 

His left hand was shaking, and his right one grabbed tightly into his chin and cheek, subconsciously digging his nails in his skin. He felt his face, his soft scales, dry lips, wet and unaligned teeth. 

His shaking left hand slowly moved over to his face too. 

Pimples, he could feel his pimples. The fabric of his mask, the holes for his eyes and his eyelids. 

His hand retreated. He looked at it, then put it in his mouth and bit onto it slightly. 

His chest felt tight, cramped and poisoned. 

Was he breathing? 

He took a breath. He can. His lungs work, even if they feel like they were full of water. 

That meant they could stop working too. 

He was panicking. He thinks that’s bad. 

A choked sob escaped him, making his throat rumble. 

He needs to calm down. How could he calm down when things were so real? How could he...? 

He could lie. 

He needs to lie to himself until he believes it. 

So he lies and convinces himself that he’s in a videogame, that he’s somehow immortal, that he can’t die.  

He feels himself relax slightly, and a small smile makes its way to his face as he thinks of Crognard and all the cartoons he’s ever watched. The comic books he’s read and the games he’s played, too. Everything is alright. He’ll just keep lying to himself until he actually dies and won’t be able to deny the truth anymore. 

A chill runs through his spine. 

He decides to look at the now almost black nocturnal sky, instead of thinking about that. It’s so full of stars. It’s beautiful. He can feel the stars swirling around him, the stretch of stars runs across the sky from side to side, highlighting the Moon like a bouquet in which the satellite is a beautiful white rose surrounded by gypsophila.  

Also, the stars are shiny and mesmerizing, so they also remind him of mutagen. 

They feel so close to him, he wants to stretch his arm and take them into his hands. How would stars feel? Donnie said they are other suns, and the sun is warm. Would they burn his hands? He hoped not. He wanted them to feel like when holding a mug of hot chocolate, warm and cozy. Also, from where he can see them, the stars are tiny. Would they feel like sand on his hands? How would it be to go to a space beach where the sand is stars and the water is a nebula? Would the sun be a black hole? Would he get a negative tan? 

Will he go to space someday? He really wishes he could, maybe he could find a star beach. Donnie would love it, and he would nerd-ing all day about it, taking notes and discovering new planets and space things. Leo would like it the most. 

Mikey chuckles to himself. Leo would feel so much like Captain Ryan, he might even try and become him. He would surely bring his cosplay with him. Getting a space suit would make his older brother lose it completely. Mikey pictured him screaming like a fanboy, the sound would be so high-pitched, all the glass would shatter. Their spaceship wouldn’t have many windows, though, so being sucked into space wouldn’t be a problem.  

Raph would absolutely hate every second of it, he would miss home too much, and with Leo being all crazy on Captain Ryan and Donnie being nerdy all the time, he feels like his big brother would go nuts. 

Will they be able to reach space before they die? 

He snaps himself out of those thoughts. 

Crognard is so cool. 

He wants to be just like him, forever immortalized on a screen. Not real. 

Mikey was at the porch again, which was weird, because he didn’t remember going outside. He had just gone to bed. 

It was fine, though. That happened to him sometimes. Memory gaps weren’t rare in his life. 

It was still night, but it somehow seemed darker than before. The stars weren’t shining as bright as they were before. Also, the woods were weirdly quiet. No crickets chirping, not a breeze, not the occasional snap of a twig some small animal broke. There was nothing. It felt empty, and it felt wrong. 

Then he heard footsteps coming from inside the farmhouse. They were fast and light, but not light enough to belong to a human, so he guessed it was Donnie. 

Fair enough, his purple-banded brother opened the door behind him (which was odd, Mikey noted, because the genius basically lived in the barn now). 

“Mikey!” He sounded excited and happy (that was weird too, none of them had been really happy since they arrived at the farmhouse). Still, Mikey liked seeing his brother happy, so he smiled too. “Leo is awake!” 

Then he understood why he was so excited, and he couldn’t help but feel euphoric and smile even wider, because Holy Chalupa, Leo is awake! 

Without even saying anything, because there was nothing he needed to say and there was nothing more that could express his feelings but screaming and crying with joy, he bolted through the door and ran upstairs, to the bathroom, Donnie following close and with an overjoyed expression.  

The first thing they did when they arrived at the bathroom was hug the shell out of Leo, who was already standing, out of the tub. 

Raph was also there, and he looked like he had been crying. None of them pointed that out. 

The genius brother did a quick check over Leo, which seemed to be enough because he was apparently fine.  

Everyone was smiling a lot, they made dinner together, Mikey leading them and showing them how to work their way around the kitchen. Surprisingly enough, none of them said anything about the youngest being incompetent, as they used to, and they seemed very willing to listen. They were all in a good mood. They were happy.  

The meal was far from being perfect, half of the food was burnt and raw at the same time, and it was too salty, because Raph never knew when enough was enough. But that was fine, because as they ate, they laughed the whole time. They laughed so much, they forgot the food tasted awful. 

Still, Mikey couldn’t shake off the feeling that something about this was very uncanny. Maybe his brothers were smiling too much? 

No, they were just glad that Leo was fine, that they could all go back to New York and kick the kraang out of their city, the six of them. 

Six? He looked around. One, two, three... and himself. Four. There was no one else. It had always been four. His brothers and him. But now they had more. April and Casey. That’s right! April and Casey.  

He could only see his three brothers laughing at the table. It was like they were muted, because now he was thinking about April and Casey. Where were they? How had he not noticed that they weren’t here? 

A sinking feeling settled on his stomach. 

“...key? Mikey?” Donnie, who was at his right, was shaking his shoulder gently. Now none of them was laughing. They were staring at him. Somehow, he felt intimidated. “You with us, buddy?” 

“Where are April and Casey?” He asked instead of answering. 

His brothers looked around, then at each other, then back at him. 

“I don’t know.” Raph shrugged. “They’ll be fine, though. We can keep enjoying our time here.” He said, smiling. Something was wrong about this. 

“I dunno, man, shouldn’t we at least call them?” Mikey insisted. 

“They can fend for themselves, don’t worry.” Leo said dismissively. 

Now the youngest turtle was getting a really, really bad feeling. They needed to find their human friends as soon as possible, his gut was screaming at him danger, and he knew better than to ignore it.  

“Guys, my gut’s telling me we should find them! You know it’s never wrong.” He whined. 

“But we’re safe here, little brother! There’s no danger.” Leo said, clenching his teeth, frustrated. Not scared, frustrated. 

“We can’t leave them forgotten.” Mikey frowned. 

Donnie sighed. “Maybe we should just go.” 

The orange-banded turtle smiled at his older brother and nodded. 

“Fine.” Raph groaned, and his brothers stood and went to the front door. 

Mikey was stopped by Leo, who placed his hands on his shoulders. “Are you sure you want to leave? You’re safe here.” If the youngest had hair, the ones at the back of his head would’ve stood. Leo stood over him like a predator. “If you get out, you might die.” And he gave what looked like a soft and gentle smile, but his eyes were piercing and cold. The gentle smile was replaced by an unsettling grin.  

The youngest gasped and backed off slightly. 

You will die, were the unspoken words behind that grin. 

There was a rock stuck in his throat that wouldn’t let him talk. He struggled to gulp it down. Mikey was paranoid, that had to be it. Leo wouldn’t ever look at him like that, like a predator. 

His brothers were already at the porch, waiting for him. 

“Ya comin’ Mikey?” 

Said turtle nodded, and he quickly got to them.  

They entered the woods and started searching. All of them called both April and Casey at least five times. They didn’t answer. The search stretched for half an hour until they heard a wet yell, something heavy fall to the ground, and a grunt.   

 “Casey!” Raph shouted, because that yell belonged to his best friend. They ran towards the direction they heard the noise, and fair enough, they found Casey. 

They found his body. 

It was lying on the ground, soaking the dead, gray and dull leaves around it with its blood. It, because Casey is no longer alive. 

“Check his vitals now!” Donnie ordered, and Raph and Leo obeyed. Mikey couldn’t. He stared at the body in front of him with shock and fear. It wasn’t the first time he’s seen death, he’s killed before, in Dimension X. Why was he so scared now? Why was he paralyzed with fear? Why couldn’t he just move?  

He knew why. It was because he believed so much that his brothers, his friends and he were some videogame protagonists that he didn’t think they could die. But they could. This made it real. 

“He’s not breathing! And I can’t get a pulse!” Leo yelled, with panic in his voice. 

“CPR, now!” Donnie ordered Raph, who, with wide eyes and shaky hands, started to perform.  

Mikey already knew he was dead. He had seen it in his friend’s dull eyes, he had seen it in the way he seemed to have a staring contest with the void, that always, always looked back. In the way the fallen leaves on the ground hugged the corpse close as if it were one of them. He tried to imagine them whispering sweet welcome invitations, but he couldn’t because the leaves were dead too. 

He fell to his knees and covered his mouth as he felt bile rising. He swallowed it down and looked into the shadows in front of him. A figure was there standing among the dark trees. Its eyes were orange. Mikey has never seen an orange so cold. 

Rahzar took a step forward. “You will die.” He said, looming over him. He smiled, his teeth sharp and deadly, ready to rip his throat open.  

His brothers were yelling, but Mikey couldn’t hear them. He didn’t see them standing between the corpse and the enemy defensively, drawing out their weapons, because he was already crawling in the opposite direction. After some struggling, he sprinted and didn’t look back. 

He couldn’t die, he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to believe it. Everything is wrong, the air is wrapping around his throat instead of filling his lungs. 

He ran, and ran, and ran, and kept running as he passed the farmhouse. There’s no safe place to hide. He keeps running. 

He runs away from his fears, his brothers, his friends, his enemy, and from death. He runs and he doesn’t think, he doesn’t want to. Now he just needs to keep running. Maybe that way he could pretend he’s brave and not a failure who just left everyone behind. 

“Your fear...” A cartoonish voice speaks, a voice Mikey didn’t recognize. “...is mine.” 

He suddenly felt exhausted, his vision was blurry, and the world around him started spinning. He stumbled to the ground, the fallen leaves cushioning his fall.  

Rising slightly and very slowly, his gaze focused better on the scene in front of him. His brothers and Rahzar were dead, their corpses littering the ground next to Casey’s. Leo was lying on Donnie, one of the black, skeletal wolf’s claws impaling both. It had snapped, and Raph and him were lying a few meters away, their eyes lifeless. April was nowhere to be seen though, but Mikey couldn’t search for her, as he didn’t have any strength left. 

He felt relieved that he wasn’t the one dead, but his brothers. He brushed that thought away with disgust. How can he be so selfish? His family is all dead. They’re all dead, and he can only think of how lucky he is. 

His eyes rolled back, he fell flat on his face, and woke up. 

Huh. 

Mikey looked around. He was in his shared room with Donnie (who, as always, wasn’t even there. He was probably at the barn, still working). 

He felt tired. Exhausted. But he was glad to be alive.  

Was all that really a dream? It seemed very real. Are his brothers dead? 

Tears welled up in his eyes. They can’t be, even if Mikey is a coward and doesn’t deserve to have them, they have to be alive so he can hug them again. He needs to check on them. 

Sniffling quietly, he got up and exited his room. 

He went straight to the bathroom and peeked from the half-open door. The moon’s dim light filtering through the window was enough for him to see Leo still ‘sleeping’ in the tub, and Raph, who had dozed off next to him, holding his hand. 

Mikey smiled at the sight through his tears, and closed the door. 

Next was April and Casey’s room.  

He gently opened the door and looked inside. The boy was very still, but he could see the steady rise and fall of his chest, and the girl’s hair was so messy it covered her face. A few strands were in her mouth, which was slightly opened. Her light snores were comforting. He retreated and went downstairs, sitting on the couch.  

Only Donnie was left. He was awake, Mikey knew, because his brother seemed allergic to sleeping lately.  

He was still pretty freaked out from the nightmare, and he needed to talk to someone. He wiped his tears. Usually, when Mikey had this problem, he would go to Leo, but he was... 

Yeah, that wasn’t an option anymore.  

He also didn’t want to burden his brothers with his problems, but he needed to talk about it, he needed to get it out of him.  He felt like he was suffocating, dying. The fear was killing him. Besides, Mikey felt like his purple-banded brother could relate to his terrors. Back to when they were tots, none of them really knew what death was. 

Mikey didn’t even know it existed.  

Before he became Splinter, in his mind, because in body he was already a rat, Hamato Yoshi was heavily grieving a family that had been ripped from him. The turtles hadn’t known what grieving was, because they didn’t know death. 

Raphael had smashed bugs before, but he only understood that they wouldn’t bother him anymore.  

Their first real contact with the matter was when they adopted a little pet rat. Mikey had called it ‘Great Gray Rat’, but the name was too long, so they just said ‘Grayt’. It died a month or so later, because of hunger and sickness. Donatello had been the most disturbed by it. Because of his great thirst for knowledge, he wanted, needed, to know more. 

His brothers just brushed it off as ‘Grayt just fell asleep’, but Donnie knew there was something more, so he took the body to his room. A foul odor soon flooded his room. It was much worse than the usual sewer smell they were used to. 

He worked on a way to lock Grayt somewhere where the smell couldn’t pass through, and finally, he found a small and transparent plastic box (with lots of insulating tape) among the trash in his room. 

Weeks passed, and Donatello witnessed the slow rotting of the rat’s body. He found it fascinating and curious, so he asked his dad about it. 

Yoshi, knowing that he couldn’t hide death from his sons anymore, that they couldn’t just be innocent and unaware of fate any longer, explained. 

He talked about the end of the line, the moment when a body would shut off. He explained the different perspectives on the afterlife, the spirit world, heaven and hell, reincarnation... And the little turtle started thinking, thinking, thinking. 

Donatello researched and calculated life spans, he wrote down ages, years, and all kinds of factors for death. 

“What’chu doing, Dee?” A young Mikey asked, as his brother tested... something from him. 

“Trying to estimate how long you’re gonna live.” The memory was fuzzy, everything felt warm and nostalgic, like looking at an old photo. 

“What’s estrimet meant?”  

“What does estimate mean? That's how you say it, Mikey. It’s estimate, not estrimet.” Donnie let out a long sigh. “And it means narrowing something down.” 

The youngest made a small ‘ooh’ sound. “And what’chu narrwoing down?” 

 “Narrowing. And I’m figuring out how much you have left to live.” Mikey blinked twice, not understanding. “How many years you have left?” 

“Uhm... I’m six years old?” He smiled and tilted his head. Donnie sighed again. 

“Do you know what happened to Grayt?” 

“Oh! That I know! He fell asleep! Maybe like we do in winter, cuz he’s taking forever to wake up. Do you know where he’s sleeping, by the way? Haven’t seen him anywhere.” 

“You think he’s hibernating?” The genius child snorted. “No, Mikey, he’s dead.” 

“... is that another way to say hayberating?” 

“Hibernating. And no. Being dead is ceasing to exist in your body. It’s like a disconnection from it. Your organs stop working and you... Stop being here, to put it simply.” Donnie tries to explain. 

“And where do you go?” 

“Nobody knows.” 

“Why?” 

“Because nobody comes back from the dead.” 

“Why not?” 

“They can’t” 

“Can’t they, like, attach a rope or something?” 

Donnie looks at his brother, unimpressed. “No.” 

“Why n-” 

“Mikey, please.” the genius child groans. “Stop asking questions.” The youngest stays quiet while he moves his dangling legs. Donnie writes something in a notebook. 

Five minutes later, Mikey speaks again. “Do we all die?” 

The older brother nodded. “Yes.” 

“And we can’t go back, right?” His voice shook a little, but his brother didn’t notice. 

“Nope, as I said before, we can’t.” 

“But...” Mikey’s voice broke. “But I would miss you, and Raphie, and Lee, and Papa, and my comics and my toys and food!” He wailed. 

“Hey, hey, hey! You’re fine, Mikey! Calm down, stop yelling.” Donnie carefully approached him and wiped his tears. When he saw him sniffling, with a snout full of snot, he grimaced, grabbed a tissue, and gently wiped and helped him blow it out of his snout. “You still have a long life to live.” He explained. “You’re very healthy, that won’t happen anytime soon.” 

“Aren’t...” The youngest hiccupped. “Aren’t you scared, Donnie?” 

“Oh, but of course I am!” The genius child smiles confidently. “But that’s why I’m testing you, and myself. I’ll find a way to immortality, because I’m smart. And when I do, because I will do it, I’ll share it with you first, Mikey.” 

“R-Really?” He smiled a bit, and Donnie nodded. 

“Yup. Promise.” 

Mikey smiled wider and held his pinky up. His brother groaned with (feigned) annoyance and linked their pinkies together.  

“For now on, we’re the immortal buddies!” 

“From now on, Mikey.” Donnie said, smiling. “And that’s a great name.” 

Then, he told the youngest about his plan to make a robotic body and passing his mind and soul to it. Mikey kept suggesting attaching a rope to the soul so it wouldn’t go away. 

The orange-banded turtle walked out of the farmhouse. 

The crickets’ chirping could be heard, and the half-full moon cast a faint light over the grass. It was cold, snowing slightly. 

The skeletal, dark trees looked like twisted, bony hands that reached for the stars, half covered by the (slowly growing) snow clouds. 

Mikey shivered and hugged himself. He forgot his scarf again. 

He pushed the barn door open and stepped inside. 

Donnie was focused on his work, looking half dead at the white, sickly light of the lamp on his desk. 

“What’chu doing, Donnie?” he asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. The genius turtle yelped and jumped, falling from his chair. He hissed and rubbed his side, where he had fallen on. 

Mikey cringed. “Sorry, Dee.” 

The older brother sighed and rubbed his temples. He didn’t have his mask on, so the youngest could see how large his eye bags were. He narrowed his eyes. “Mikey? What time is it?” 

“Dunno.” He shrugged. “Pretty late, tho.” 

Donnie looked at the clock on the wall across the barn. “4:34 am. What are you doing up so late?” 

“What are you...” Mikey pointed an accusatory finger at him. “...doing up so late, bro? What was the last time you slept?” 

 “Yesterday.” Donnie scoffed. 

“Oh yeah? Which day of the week was yesterday?” 

“Friday.” 

Mikey frowned and crossed his arms. “Today’s Wednesday.” 

“...oh.” 

“Exactly.” He nodded. “Go to sleep!” He shouted, spreading his arms out. 

“But I have work.” Donnie retorted. 

“No, you have to sleep.” 

The older turtle seemed to think about something before lighting up (as much as someone who looks like a zombie can light up). “How about a deal?” 

Mikey nodded without even thinking. Anything for his older brother to sleep. “Ok, speak.” 

“You tell me what you’re doing up, and I go to sleep.” 

“Deal.” The youngest shrugs and smiles. “I was planning to tell you anyway.” He pats Donnie’s shoulder and starts walking towards the barn’s door. “Let’s go inside, it’s cold here.” 

“That’s because you forgot to close the door and the heat got out.” His brother said, but stood and followed him nonetheless.  

The moon was now almost completely covered by the dense, dark clouds. It’s snowing heavily, and the ground is starting to have white, cold spots. 

“Why do we have to go barefoot? The snow’s cold.” Mikey whines.  

“I don’t picture you with shoes. You would feel trapped.” Donnie comments. “You don’t even wear your scarf.” 

The youngest shrugs. “Can’t say that’s a lie.” 

They arrived at the farmhouse, got inside, and went upstairs. They sat on their shared bed. 

“Well then, Mikey, tell me.” 

He sighs and starts loosening his mask’s knot. “Had a nightmare.” And Donnie couldn’t help but roll his eyes, because it’s always nightmares. His brother always had nightmares. Nonetheless, he signaled him to continue. 

Mikey had finally undone the knot of his mask and took it off, leaving it on his desk.  

“Leo woke up and everything was fine, but the vibes were off. It was uncanny, y’know? Then I noticed April and Casey were missing and you guys didn’t want to go search for them. Then Leo told me something weird and creepy. I managed to convince you to search for them, tho, so we went to the woods. Everything felt wrong, Dee, but at the same time, it was so real. We found Casey, and he was dead. And Rahzar appeared. I was scared, all I could think of was dying, lately I’m thinking about death all the time, bro. So, uh. I ran away and left you guys behind.” Like a coward, Mikey thought. He’s a selfish coward. He would leave all of them behind just to save himself. “I ran, and ran, and ran.” He bit his lip and let out a shaky breath.  

He had to calm down, he didn’t want to cry again. He’s cried too much for one day. Donnie looked unsure of what to do, so he patted his back and gave him an attempt of a reassuring smile. 

Mikey took a deep breath and kept talking. “Somehow, I came back to you. But you were all dead and...” The image of his family dead passed through his mind. He couldn’t stop himself from crying again. He felt pathetic and weak. He was already a coward. He couldn’t also be weak. But he was. He tried to wipe his tears. Donnie took that as a cue to leave his aversion to touch aside and hug him. 

The youngest hid his face in Donnie’s shoulder and hugged back tightly.  

“You’re alive, Dee. You’re alive.” He sobbed as quietly as possible. “I’m scared. I don’t want to die.” A whine escaped him. “I left you to die. What kind of ninja am I?”   

“Mikey.” His big brother (who was alive and hugging him) shushed. “You don’t need to talk about this if you don’t want to.” He closed his eyes and smiled. “We’re the immortal buddies.” A way of saying I’m scared too, but we’re together. “We’ll be immortal together, Mikey. I pinky promised you.” 

The youngest laughed and sobbed at the same time. He felt like he was six again, and Donnie was helping him blow his snout because he’d just learned about death for the first time and didn’t want to be away from his brothers, dad, comics, toys, and food. He hugged his big brother tighter. 

“I love you, Dee.” 

“I love you too, Mikey.”  

Chapter Text

Two months later, Leo woke up.  

Everyone hugged him, even Donnie, as if he were to disappear at any given moment.  

Everything felt fine for the first time in three months, even if his knee was messed up, even if he had a big, scary scar on his plastron, even if his voice had changed because of the damage to his vocal cords (which broke Mikey’s heart, because he loved his brother’s voice, and to hear him sing, and he hated that The Shredder had taken something so precious for them all), when Leo woke up, everything was suddenly ok again.  

The youngest’s nightmares, which had been going on for those two months, and no matter how much time he slept, he would always feel exhausted after them, came to a sudden halt. It probably was because when he finally saw Leo awake, all his fears vanished.   

Before the oldest woke up, the post-nightmare exhaustion stuck to him, and sometimes (most of the time), he would just avoid sleeping at all and sought shelter in the barn, at Donnie’s side. Good thing he didn’t sleep either, they could give each other support and company.  

Raph finally came out of the bathroom, and he seemed softer, more caring. He was still himself, sure, just less aggressive. He treated them better and kind of took up the head of the family’s role, mostly in training. That gave him a self-esteem boost and confidence in his skills both as a brother and a ninja.  

Donnie finally got a chance to show what he had been doing in the barn during these three months: the medicine and his recent knowledge on diagnosis after a careful study of Leo’s body and Mr. O'Neil's books.   

While the medicine wasn’t miraculous, Mikey could tell his big brother’s pain eased greatly when he took it.  

“Ok, ladies!” The orange-banded turtle shouted, his straw hat bouncing. He was at the chicken coop with a feed bag. “I come with your food!” He sang happily and put his hand in the bag, taking a handful of cereal seeds.  

When he was about to throw it, the hens got impatient and made a cruel murder attempt, launching themselves to peck at him brutally, while another two dragged the bag that Mikey had accidentally released when attacked away. He fell to the floor, the straw hat flying away as a brown wing shoved it from his head.  

“Hey! You smartass girls!” He yelled. “Tonight we’ll be eating chicken nuggets for dinner if you don’t stop! Ahhh!” The hens continue their merciless attack, ignoring his screams of pure, raw pain.  

 Suddenly, Mikey hears a snicker. He sits up, carefully picking a chicken that was trying to rip his eyes off. She continued her assault, but on his arm instead of his face. The other hens didn’t stop pecking him either.  

Raph is leaning on the chicken coop’s light wooden fence, smiling fondly. “Looks like you’re in trouble.” He snorts. 

Mikey rolls his eyes. “They love me, brah.” Suddenly, one jumps and pecks his eye, as if proving him wrong. “Ow! Ladies, you’re not helping me prove my point!” 

“You never had a point to begin with.” 

“Love you too, Raphie.” He says, standing up and taking the feed bag back from the thieving hens. He throws a few handfuls of feed and leaves some more in the chicken feeders. Then he meets his brother at the coop’s entrance.  

“You’re forgetting the goofy hat.” He points out. “Seriously, how can you wear that thing in March? The sky isn’t even clear, there’s no sun.”   

“Oops.” Mikey goes back and puts the hat on again. A chicken pecks his hand when he reaches it, and he shoves her away lightly. “It’s fashion, brah. 

You wouldn’t understand.” He exits the coop, and both brothers walk to the porch, sitting down together 

.  

It was still winter, but spring would start soon. The cold remained, not as intense as in January, but still there. There were a few spots of snow on the ground and on the largest tree branches. Birds could be heard, and the sky was dull and gray, full of clouds, as Raph had pointed out before. Mikey realized that more snow was on its way.   

Some leaves were already growing shyly on a few tree branches. The turtle smiled, the rotted, dead leaves on the ground forgotten.  

The thought that everything would be ok rushed through his mind, leaving him warm and fuzzy despite being cold enough to snow.  

He shivered, suddenly remembering that, in fact, it was cold enough to snow. 

“Here.” Raph handed him his scarf. “You forgot it inside. Again.”  

Mikey smiled and put it on, letting out a sigh of relief from the warmth it gave. “Thanks, bro.”  

“You’re welcome. I still don’t know how you can even refuse to wear a jacket.”  

He shrugged. “I’m just built different.”  

“Yeah, I can see that.” His big brother rolled his eyes and looked at the woods. “You know, little brother? I... I realized that I haven’t been there.” He whispered. If the younger turtle hadn’t been so close, he probably wouldn’t have heard it.  

“Huh? What do you mean? You were here with me the whole time.” He tilted his head.  

“I mean, I haven’t been there for you at all. I’ve been with Leo all the time, and... Left you and Donnie alone. I know Don doesn’t really mind that, but you...” He trailed off.  

“Dude.” Mikey said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “It’s fine. You were scared, bro. We all were. It’s just natural.” He shrugged.  

“But I shouldn’t have left you alone, I...” His apologetic expression changed into a more offended one, and he frowned at his little brother. “Did you just say I was scared?”  

“Um... no?” He smiled sheepishly.    

“You did.” Raph said, like he had been directly insulted. 

“I was not scared. It’s like the wolf’s pack thing Donnie told us about, you know, where the alphas and strongest of the pack protect the injured and weak!” He scoffed.   

“Sure, you big softie.” Mikey grinned, and his brother shoved him playfully, lacking any real anger or annoyance. He blew a raspberry at Raph. “You’re ugly.”  

“Not more than you.” He snickered.  

They smiled at each other fondly and looked at the woods, falling into a comfortable silence until the hot-headed brother talked again, two minutes or so later.  

“I... I wanted...” He stopped himself, reconsidering what he was about to say, hesitating, as if it was stupid.   

Mikey stared and gave him an encouraging nod, because nothing his brothers might say will ever be stupid.  “You wanted...?” He trailed off, waiting for his Raph to continue.  

“I wanted your help with something.”  

The youngest looked surprised for a second, then he beamed. “Sure thing, dude! What for?”  

His brother hesitated again before answering. “Leo. It’s Leo. He’s feeling bad, and...” He stopped himself again. Mikey guessed it was because he’s asking him, his little and good-for-nothing brother, for help, swallowing his pride. If it was about Leo, then he must be really worried, worried enough to ask for help, and the youngest knew that’s not something his older brother often does.  

Now, what he didn’t understand was why he was asking him, out of everyone, for help. Not April, or Donnie. Him. 

Raph talked again, and Mikey snapped out of his thoughts, listening to him. “He’s tryna rush it. Healing, I mean. He told me he feels weak and like a failure for not bouncing back immediately. And I don’t know what to do, because this kind of stuff...” He trailed off, making a small, awkward face. “I’m not good at it. You’re all emotional and empathetic and shit, so I thought maybe you could help me, or Leo.” He looked away, his cheeks getting red from embarrassment. Aw, that’s sweet. “Or help me help Leo! Whatever, you know what I mean.” He blurted out, still looking away and tugging at his own scarf.  

Mikey smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, bro. I got you.” When the older turtle looked at him, he winked and started thinking.  

Now, that might seem odd, because Mikey was well known among his brothers for being the one who didn’t think, not at all. But there was a small flaw in that approach: he seemed like he didn’t think, because he didn’t know how to voice those thoughts, that were usually rushing through his mind at such a high speed, not even he could grasp them.  

Ideas will fly around him like slippery, mischievous flies, and he will try to get a hold of them, finding that he can only caress them, barely missing them.  

He could watch how they round him, and some will even sit on his head or hands, but it was a brief contact before they took flight again and started mocking him. He thought so much, he couldn’t even think right.  

But for his brothers, he focused and tried to trap the flies. And so, the little bugs started their mockery, and Mikey got his hands ready to catch as much as possible.  

Leo had been separated from them, and ambushed by the whole foot clan, then finished by Shredder himself and put into a coma for three months. His oldest brother might have sensed that those three months had been hard for his family and thought that he was the main reason for that, feeling extremely guilty over making them upset with something he couldn’t really control. He was cut off from them, being unable to hold the family together, and also adding extra stress, a dead weight for them. It’s not only that, though. It goes deeper, because if the leader were fine, he wouldn’t feel so bad, focusing on the present and moving forward towards a future where they save New York, find their father, and get to have their normal routine again. 

But Leo was injured. He couldn’t walk properly, let alone fight, and he needed to rest and recover. Now he wasn’t focusing on the present, but only on a future where he’s fine, skipping over the healthy recovering phase and neglecting himself in the process. By not being able to bounce back immediately, a new issue adds up: he feels useless, and, in his terms, he doesn’t have the excuse that he’s unconscious. One of Master Splinter’s teachings was: ‘It is us who let the damage get to ourselves. Do not let harm poison your mind and body.’ Mikey bets Leo’s thinking about that teaching right now, but using the wrong interpretation. The oldest brother took it as ‘Pain is mental, endure the pain to become a good leader and ninja.’ instead of ‘Do not let injuries make you think you are weak and let yourself recover.’   

The blue-banded brother takes his role as leader very seriously, and for him, this whole thing is big screw up he’d made and dropped on his family for them to fix, making him think he isn’t fit for leading them, which Mikey thought was stupid, because he is a great leader who does everything he can and more to keep them safe. He is just a little bit too much selfless, this may have come from his brother’s obvious self-esteem issues.  

Mikey’s thought flies were now all around him. He just had to catch them. Stretching his arms forward, his gaze narrowed, and pursing his lips in concentration, he reached out to them. A few escaped through his fingers and flew away, and some were trapped between his sweaty palms.  

To sum up, Leo felt weak and a failure to the team.  

A fly ended up being a firefly with a great idea.  

“I thought of something.” He smiled.   

Raph, who had been watching him awkwardly for the last minute and trying to cover that by pretending he was nonchalantly looking at the trees, turned his gaze from a white bunny that immediately ducked under some roots to his brother with big, hopeful eyes. He looked like a kid who’d just been offered his favorite candy, and Mikey really, really wanted to make fun of him, but he ignored that desire because this was already embarrassing enough for his brother, and he didn’t want him to retreat back into his tough persona like a turtle into his shell. Still, he couldn’t suppress the quiet snicker that escaped him. Raph was such a big softie. “What are you laughing at, dumbass?” He asked, crossing his arms.  

Mikey shook his head. “At nothing, nothing.” He smiled wider. “Hear me out: I wanna make a ‘Leo Appreciation Camping Day', dude.”   

“That sounds stupid as fuck.” Raph blurted out, looking unimpressed.  

“You sound stupid.” He shrugged, smirking.  

“You little shit...” The older turtle pulled him into a headlock and started giving him a noogie.  

“Ok, ok! I’m sorry, stop!” He half giggled-half screamed. “Just hear me out, ok?!”  

“Ok.” Raph ceased the cruel attack, but didn’t let go. “Go ahead.”  

“We go camping to the woods, somewhere nice, and, like, we do things to make Leo feel better with himself. At night, instead of telling scary stories with marshmallows next to the fire, we’ll tell big bro Leo stories with marshmallows next to the fire! We help him make the fire and set up the tents, but we let him do it, so he doesn’t feel useless!” Mikey paused for a second. “Not the cooking, tho. Don’t let him touch the food, he’s dangerous around it.” His older brother snorted and nodded, encouraging him to continue. He seemed pleased with his idea, which made the younger turtle warm and fuzzy inside. “Leo feels weak, bro. He needs to find a purpose, something he can do and doesn’t make him feel like a piece of cold, molded pizza thrown aside for having pineapple instead of anchovies, you get what I mean?”  

Raph stayed quiet for a few seconds, nodding. He then let go of Mikey slowly. “Yeah, that’s... That’s a great idea, little brother.” A small, but somehow bigger than anything in the world, smile made its way to the hot-headed brother’s lips. It radiated pride, fondness, and love, and Mikey wanted to treasure it forever, have this moment frozen in time so he could look at the picture of his brother making the world suddenly feel brighter with something so tiny as a narrow, almost imperceptible smile. Raph patted his head, and the younger never wanted to stop feeling his warm hand. “Thank you.” He said, blushing slightly.  

“Awww... You thanked me and think I’m awesome.” Mikey sing-sang, smirking and poking his cheek.  

“No I did not say that you literally fucking suck stupid dumbass.”  

“Sure.” The youngest said, dragging the u. “Look at you, all tough and stuff, but you’re actually such a big softie on the inside.” He whispered close to his ear, and he could practically feel his brother’s face getting warm, from embarrassment, anger, or maybe both. Messing with Raph was always so fun.  

Before Mikey could make him a wet willy (he’d already licked his finger and was slowly moving it towards his ear), the red-banded turtle tackled him into the mud and started wrestling him.  

At first, it was like a fight to death, Raph yelling things like “I’m gonna off you!” and “shut the fuck up!”, and Mikey laughing and screaming, fighting back.  

It soon became a friendly game, similar to very messy and anarchic jiu jitsu, where they both laughed and tried to pin each other.   

The youngest licked Raph’s forearm when he was trying to trap him.  

“Ewww! You gross little gremlin!” He yelled, and Mikey giggled.  

He missed this. He missed hanging out with Raph like this a lot.  

“So, when are we doing the ‘Leo Appreciation Camping Day’?” Casey asked.  

Mikey and Raph had been forced to shower by April after coming inside the house, wet and full of mud.   

Donnie had scolded them too, because rolling around on the freezing ground with snow was probably a bad idea, they could catch a cold. 

Now, all of them bar Leo, who was currently sitting at the porch being broody, were in the living room discussing the LACD (Leo Appreciation Camping Day) plan.  

“I would say the day after tomorrow. I don’t want him...” April signaled the porch with her head. “...like this much longer, but I also need time to gather the tents and all we’re going to need.”  

“And there’s the issue of where we will go.” Donnie piped in.  

“Casey and I’ll get that covered.” Raph said, fist-bumping his friend. “Tomorrow we’ll go exploring to find a good place.”  

“Wouldn't April know a place? I mean, she used to go here with her family on holidays.” Mikey shrugged, looking at his friend.  

“It's been too many years since that.” She shook her head. “I know that there's a lake near here, my mom and I used to go fishing. Sometimes dad would come too, but he'd stay by the side, under some tree's shadow, reading. That could be a nice place to camp in.”  

Casey nodded and smiled. “We'll look around the lake, thanks, red.”  

“Should I bring food?” Mikey asked.   

“Didn’t you say something about cooking there?” Raph said, confused. “Why would you bring food?”  

The youngest blinked twice. “Where are you gonna get stuff to cook then, huh? What are you gonna do? Go hunting?”  

“Yes.” His big brother scoffed like it was the most obvious thing in the world.   

“With Leo?” Donnie retorted. It made Raph stop and think for a second.   

“Huh.” He crossed his arms.   

“Just bring the ingredients, Mikey.” April sighed. “And pots, cups, plates and cubertery. I think we have plastic ones in the cupboard at the right corner of the kitchen, bottom.” She added.   

“The furthest one?” He asked for confirmation.   

“Yeah, that one.” She nodded and looked at Donnie. “Donnie, I need you to keep in touch with Casey and Raph and make a schedule for the day, with activities and all. Can you do that?”  

He smiled, excited. “I was planning on doing that even if you didn't ask me to.”  

“You're weird.” Raph noted.   

“Who in the family isn't?” Donnie retorted.   

“Good point.”  

“Ok, good.” April nodded. “We'll go in the morning and stay all day and night, then, the next morning, we'll come back. Is that ok with everyone?” The rest of them nodded and gave various degrees of smiles: Mikey's was wide and bright, Raph had a smirk, Donnie's was almost nonexistent but still there, and Casey had a toothless grin.   

The next day was spent preparing everything they needed. April gathered the tents and sleeping bags along with some blankets, and then helped Mikey prepare the ingredients for the meals, hot chocolate and marshmallows.  

They needed Leo out of the farmhouse to organize everything without him being suspicious, so the duo of best friends took him to explore with them without telling him what they were actually exploring for.  

Fair enough, Leo just seemed happy to be there and do something instead of sitting all day.  

At dusk, they met up in the barn, again, all of them bar their leader, who’d been forced to get into bed by Raph.  

They worked on making the backpacks for the next day while Donnie explained the different schedules he’s made and the factors for each of them to reach a satisfactory ending.  

Hadn’t they been preparing the backpacks like Tetris pro players, they would’ve surely fallen asleep.  

The only one who seemed like her head wasn’t going to explode was April, so she helped the genius turtle summarize and simplify the plan, so the rest of them wouldn’t get a terrible headache just by looking at it.  

By midnight, they had everything ready and went to sleep.  

The soft sunlight filtered through the thin, white curtains, giving the room a faint golden, almost divine, glow. Leo slept peacefully, in a relaxed, mummy-like position.  

He cracked an eye open, then both, blinking and adjusting to the light. He had a dreamless sleep, the first one in a while. He felt well rested and in a good mood, at peace.  

Turning his back to the rustic window, he faced Raph’s side of the bed and saw it empty, the covers messily thrown aside.   

Just then, Leo heard faint chatting and laughing from downstairs, and the sweet and gentle smell of freshly made pancakes made itself known in the room’s ethereal morning air.  

He turned towards the window again and sat up on the edge of the bed. After drinking a few gulps of the glass of water placed on his night table, he grabbed his crutches and struggled to stand up, feeling the strain of the exploration he had made with Raph and Casey the day before on his bad knee.  

Just when he was about to reach the door, it opened, revealing Donnie.   

“Wha- Leo! Good morning.” He smiled briefly. “I was just going to wake you up, but you’ve already done the job for me. How did you sleep?”  

Leo looked at his younger brother with confusion. He looked weirdly happy. “I slept fine, thanks.” He answered and narrowed his eyes. “And you? Did you sleep tonight?”  

“Yeah, I went to bed at midnight.” Donnie nodded. “C’mon, let’s go downstairs.” Then, he added. “Do you want to try coming down the stairs by yourself, or should I call Raph?”  

“I want to try.” Leo said with a determined look on his face.   

“Figured you would say that. You always do.” The other turtle rolled his eyes. “Just remember to take it easy, ok? Don’t rush it.” His tone changed to a more worried one. “It doesn’t matter if it’s slow, if you take half an hour or a whole one, as long as you’re fine.”  

“Yeah, ok, let’s go.” He replied with a bitter voice. The mention of those stairs was enough to sour his day.  

He hated them so much. They reminded him of how weak he was, how much of a failure and a dishonor to the Hamato clan and family he was. How much he hated himself.   

Leo and his brothers (under his lead, with him as the leader) stopped an alien invasion and fought every day against an evil ninja clan, street gangs and fascist interdimensional aliens, and somehow, the stairs were harder than any of that. 

How humiliating. He hated it.  

To try and get rid of those thoughts, he shook his head and rubbed his temples. How could he keep his family safe, happy, and alive if he was stewing in misery? He needed to be strong. Even more now that he was injured. They need him to be strong.  

Finding support on his crutches, he lifted and lowered himself slow and gently on the next step.  

Donnie, who had followed him, was at his side, at a distance, respecting the leader’s space, but still close enough to catch him if he fell or rush in when support was needed.  

The oldest did take it slow, still, a little bit past the middle, he grunted and sat down with his bad leg stretched in front of him, his hands carefully rubbing the pained area.  

The purple-banded turtle didn’t need to go get Raph, because as soon as he heard Leo walking down the stairs, he went to see, silently cheering for him and ready to step in if something went wrong.  

He walked up and crouched next to him. “You’re doing great, Fearless.” He slung Leo’s arm over his shoulders and grabbed his side, scooting him up. “You’ve set a new record. Maybe next time you’ll beat the evil stairs of doom.”  

Eventually, they reached the living room, and the freshly made pancake smell was now more intense.  

Casey and April were already sitting at the table in front of each other, with empty, clean plates before them.  

On the table were different meals: fried eggs, sausages, bacon, sliced fruits, cookies and muffins.  

Just as the three brothers sat at the table, Leo (mumbling a shy ‘good morning’ to their friends) and Raph next to April and Donnie in front of his hot-headed brother, Mikey entered the room with a big plate full of pancakes on one hand and syrup, honey and melted chocolate balanced in the other. Casey got up and took the pancakes to help his friend, and the youngest gave him a grateful smile.  

He sat down between Donnie and the human boy. “Enjoy the super-duper-mega-ultra-macro-ultimate breakfast for the most special-est day of them all, yo!” Mikey said, shooting Leo a bright smile.   

 The oldest blinked twice and turned to April. “It’s not your birthday, is it?” She chuckled and shook her head no. “Is it yours?” He asked Casey.  

“No, dude.” Dismissed the human boy.  

“Huh. What’s the special occasion then?” He tilted his head, confused.  

“We’re going camping, bro! It’s the Leo Appreciation Camping Day!” Mikey excitedly announced.   

“...What in the world is that?” The leader sounded very confused now. “What are you guys talking about?” He looked somewhat scared.  

“Literally what you heard, Fearless. Knucklehead here couldn’t have chosen a more obvious name.” Raph snorted, crossing his arms. The youngest giggled.  

“No. No, no, no, no, no, I...” Leo’s face was bright red. “Guys, no.” He whined.  

“Oh, yeah, Leo. Guys, yes. You can’t escape this.” Casey laughed.  

“Casey’s right. You can’t escape this after we’ve worked so hard preparing it.” April placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently, massaging it slightly. “Relax, Leo.”  

Said turtle did relax a little. “I still think that this...” He gestured to the table full of food (Mikey’d already served himself some pancakes with chocolate, honey and sliced bananas, and had started to eat while they were still warm). “...is too much. I don’t deserve it.”  

Raph glared at him. “Are you stupid?” Donnie kicked his leg hard. “Ow! You fuckin-”  

“What Raphael.” The genius interrupted harshly, and the hot-headed turtle grumbled under his breath. “Meant to say, is that what you’re doing, Leo, despising yourself like this, is not logical at all. So, us, as your family that loves and cares about you, are going to drag you into the forest, by the legs if it’s needed, for a lovely family bonding trip. And you’re going to enjoy it.”  

“I don’t have self-esteem issues.” The leader argued, crossing his arms.  

“Yes, you do, bitch.”  

“Debatable.”  

“You sure of that, bro?”  

“Nobody is saying that, Leo.”  

“Yes, you do, bitch.”  

Everyone said at the same time. Raph and Casey pointed at each other across the table and started cackling because they said the same thing, like the serious and mature people they were. April and Donnie both let out an exasperated sigh, Leo looked like he was torn between bashing someone’s head into the table or his own, and Mikey was just there. He reached for his older brother’s hand and patted it sympathetically. The leader returned the gesture with a small smile.  

Eventually, the duo of best friends stopped laughing, and the table fell into an awkward silence. Everyone was expecting something, probably for Leo to say something. But he didn’t know what. He didn’t even know how he felt about this whole thing, or what, exactly, he really wanted. He felt hollow and overwhelmed at the same time. How was he supposed to say anything at all?  

Sensing his discomfort, Mikey jumped to his aid. “Guys.” He munched on a piece of pancake. “Breakfast’s getting cold! I didn’t make all this just for you to waste it!” He scolded them, with fake annoyance and an authority he didn’t really have. Then, he discreetly smiled and winked at Leo, who giggled like a child and nodded at him as a small ‘thank you’, then started putting food on his plate and eating.  

“Mikey, to be honest with you, little bro.” Raph started to say. “I don’t give a shit about you cooki-” This time, April reached over the leader to slap the hot-headed's arm. “What’s with everyone hitting me this morning?!”  

The youngest and Casey leaned into each other, cackling wildly. Raph huffed and crossed his arms, glaring at everything and everyone.  

“What Raphael.” Said turtle glared at the girl, who didn’t even spare him a glance. “Meant to say, is that you’re right, Mikey. We should start eating and go.”  

“Yeah, dudes! The day’s young, so we’ve got to make the most of it!” He cheered.  

So, they dug into their plates and started eating. The eggs had gone cold, but Raph ate them anyway because he didn’t want to waste his little brother’s cooking. He didn’t say that, though.  

When they finished eating, everyone (except Leo and Raph) had their backpacks on. The hot-headed turtle slung his own and Leo’s over his shoulder, and the oldest had only his crutches.  

“I can carry my backpack.” He argued when his immediate younger brother took it from him.  

“But you shouldn’t.” Donnie interjected. Leo groaned.  

When they got out, Casey and Raph led them through a nearby path. The human boy was also wearing extra weight, like his best friend. He had in his hands two small and very well-compressed camping tents.   

Behind them were April, who had three fishing rods sticking out of her backpack, and Leo, and she was telling him about some memories she used to have with her family in the farmhouse when she was a child.  

At the back of the group were Donnie and Mikey, the first yapping to the second about future inventions he had in mind, and the youngest gave some ideas that his brother seemed pleased with. The orange-banded turtle had a small portable fridge in one hand and a bag full of food in the other. They looked heavy, especially the bag.  

“Do you want help with that?” Donnie asked out of pity, praying for Mikey to dismiss him.   

Unfortunately for him, that wasn’t the case. “Yeah, bro, thanks.” He smiled, and Donnie almost groaned. He held the weight up. “Which one do you want?”  

The genius thought that the fridge would have Ice Cream Kitty, while the bag had all the cooking ingredients, so he picked the fridge, because it would be a lot lighter.  

The moment he grabbed it, he felt all the weight he wasn’t expecting, which was a lot, and almost fell forward.   

Mikey laughed at him. “You thought I would bring ICK? She could melt, dude! The fridge had all the meat, loser.” He giggled, making an L with his hand and sticking his tongue out.  

“Oh, you little shit!” The older brother swiped his leg under the younger’s, but he’d already predicted it like the pro ninja he is and jumped over it. 

“You can’t touch me, brah. I’m invisible.”  

Donnie stared blankly at him. “I don’t think you know what you just said.” Mikey shrugged and kept walking.  

The turtles had coats that April and Mikey modified to make them fit their shells before Leo woke up. At first, they planned on getting Raph to help them, as he had better control of his hands and knew how to sew, but he was reticent to leave the bathroom where his comatose brother was, so he declined. At some point, the youngest and the girl decided that Raph was probably bored to death in there and moved their whole sewing set to him, having small sessions from time to time where they would work in comfortable silence.  

The sky was still gray, but with fewer clouds than the day before, so a few peeks of blue could be seen. Far (not too far, distant and close at the same time) on the horizon, a wave of black, nasty-looking clouds loomed. Donnie had said before that there might be one last snowy day before Spring. There were some white, frozen spots on the ground that crunched when the small group walked over.  

After a twenty-minute walk, they arrived at the spot Raph and Casey had chosen: a clearing in the forest near the lake. The space wasn’t completely clean, a few boulders covered by moss, and a thin layer of snow rested between some young tree sprouts, and some dry and copper-colored ferns peeked through the leaves and ice on the ground. A mix of pines and naked trees shielded them from the wind.  

Having left their backpacks and bags in the only dry enough place, the boulders, they started to work on getting the tents settled, splitting into two groups: Leo, April and Raph and Donnie, Mikey and Casey.  

April and Raph made a silent agreement to let Leo do most of the work to show him that he could still be useful, but to assist him in any way possible.  

On the other hand, Donnie ended up yelling at Mikey and Casey in frustration because they started making stupid fart sound effects over anything he did.   

Assembling the poles? Fart.  

Insert them into the designated sleeves? Fart.  

An exasperating sigh because he was the only one working? Fart.  

Standing up and walking towards the lazy duo with one of the poles? A fart for each step.  

Raising it over his head to hit his annoying friends? Fart, then screams, cries, and the satisfying sound of them finally doing something useful. 

Then they had to dismount it and assemble everything again, because they messed up something.  

Meanwhile, April, Leo and Raph took their time and did it slowly, being patient with the injured and always waiting for him. By the time they ended, the other group had mounted and dismounted the tent three times already, and the genius looked like he was about to rip his metaphorical hair off. He asked himself how something as simple as setting a tent up could be so hard. Mikey and Casey, who had gotten bored, were having a ‘Who Can Burp Louder’ contest.  

“How can someone so smart be so dumb?” Raph asked from behind Donnie with a cocky grin.  

He turned to glare at him. “I hope you get appendicitis.”  

The human girl snickered, and the hot-headed turtle shrugged. “I’m pretty sure you invented whatever that is.”  

Before the younger brother could answer with a snarky remark, the loudest, grossest and longest burp any of them had ever heard vibrated through the air.  

“How can you burp like that, dude?!” Casey’s jaw went slack.  

“Natural talent, brah. What can I say?” Mikey bragged with a proud smile while he cleaned dust from his shoulders. “Wanna see who can spit the furthest?” 

“Fuck yeah!” The boy bumped a fist into the air. “Imma fuck you up, dude, my spit throw is legendary!” Then, he started gargling, building up his saliva for a massive ball of drippy, disgusting and pressure-propelled spit.  

Donnie gagged and looked away. “I can’t see this.”  

The other three looked equally as grossed out as he was.  

“Let’s just... Finish setting up the tent.” Leo said, making a face and avoiding looking at the pair of idiots’ direction when he heard the saliva hit the ground and his little brother cheer.  

“Agreed.” The genius grimaced, the four of them trying their best to ignore the duo (Casey was teaching Mikey how to make farts with his armpits, because he didn’t know how to do that and he thought it was an awesome and fundamental skill to have).  

Once they finished, April grabbed three fishing rods and a plastic box of baits.  

She also got a funny stereotypical fishing hat and put it on.  

“Hey, I want a hat, too!” Mikey pouted.  

“I know, I came prepared.” She smiled, taking another silly hat with a fish patch.  

“Oh, sweet! Thanks, April!” He beamed, putting it on and bouncing up and down.  

“You’re welcome, Mikey.” The girl giggled.  

The group got to the lake. The water was dark, looking like it was a dark blue color. Some dry leaves were floating on the surface and some fish-shaped shadows could be seen. A few boulders were scattered around the area, and a small boat was resting next to one.  

“All of us can’t fit in the boat.” Donnie said, checking it over for holes or damage.  

“We’ll split in groups again.” Leo shrugged, then smirked. “Dibs on the boat!” 

“Oh! Oh! Me too! I’ve always wanted to go fishing, yo!” Mikey raised his hand and jumped.  

“Then, I’ll go keep an eye on you.” April said, approaching the boat.  

“Please don’t leave me with Jones again!” The purple-banded turtle begged, his voice high-pitched and whiny.  

“Don’t worry, Brainiac. I’ll help you keep him at bay.” Raph smirked and winked, elbowing him hard, making Donnie double over from pain.  

“My ribs...” He wheezed. The older brother laughed, slung an arm over his shoulders and dragged him away from the boat and towards a boulder at the lake shore, where Casey was already sitting with a fishing rod.  

“Yo, do you know how to turn this thing on?” He asked when he saw them. He was turning it around, searching for a button.  

“Turn it on?!” Donnie cried in disbelief and desperation. “You can’t turn it on, it’s a fishing rod, idiot!”  

“Yeah, Jones, idiot.” Raph laughed, sitting next to the boy and giving him a slap on the back of his head. “How do you start it then?” He stopped and looked at his younger brother for guidance.   

Donatello then knew it was going to be a really long morning for him.  

Meanwhile, Leo and Mikey had a fishing rod each and were sitting in the boat, already almost at the center of the lake, over the water. It created small waves around them as it swayed slightly, breaking the balanced and smooth crystal-like water. A few fish swam under them. The youngest was vibrating with excitement.  

“Can I scream that this is awesome?” He looked at April with big, pleading eyes. 

“No, Mikey. You’ll scare the fish away.” She answered.  

“Oh, ok, ok, cool.” He nodded and took a deep breath. “This is awesome!!!” He shouted at the top of his lungs. The shadows under them swam away, as predicted.  

“Mikey!” Both April and Leo scolded.  

“Shut the fuck up, Mikey!” Raph’s voice, still loud even at the distance that separated them, reached their ears.   

Leo squinted and distinguished him wrestling Casey over the only fishing rod they had. Donnie was sitting on a boulder and looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole, curl up and die.  

They moved the boat, finding another position.   

“Mikey, if you shout again, I’m going to turn into Raph and throw you off the edge.” Said April, staring at the youngest with intent. Successfully intimidated, he held his arms up and made a zipping gesture over his mouth. “Good.” She nodded, then proceeded to teach both turtles how to use the fishing rod.  

Five minutes later, the hooks were already under the water.   

“When will the fish bite?” Mikey asked, sighing.  

“Be patient.” The girl gently told him.  

After another five minutes, Leo’s fishing rod straightened and turned. He squeaked and smiled.  

“Got one, got one!” He said excitedly.  

“Good!” April moved next to him. “Pick up the line, quick!”  

“Y-yes! On it!” He nodded and did as told. Mikey was looking at them with jealousy. He wishes a fish would bite his bait. He was so busy being jealous that he didn’t notice his own line tensing.  

Leo yanked the trout out of the water. It was big, the size of a duck, maybe bigger. He beamed at his first capture ever, letting out a squeak as it wiggled to try and escape his arms.  

“Good one!” April cheered and patted his back.  

Just then, Mikey’s fishing rod gave an especially strong tug, almost throwing him off the boat.  

“Oh, shoot!” He shouted and pulled back abruptly. The line tensed even more and broke. The youngest yelped and fell back, making the small ship tumble and water splash around them.  

“Mikey! Stop messing this up!” April scolded and looked at the fish’s shadows in the water squirm away. She gritted her teeth. “The fish fled again! Please, focus.”   

“But this is too boring.” He groaned, dragging the o in boring. “This is nothing like Animal Crossing.”  

“Maybe we could leave him with Casey and Raph and take Donnie.” Leo suggested, and both the girl and him looked at the other group’s place at the boulder. The genius looked happier than before, and was explaining to Raph how to properly use the fishing rod. Casey was sulking near them. “Or maybe we can leave Mikey with Casey.” He shrugged.  

“Ok, but we’re confiscating his lighter first.” She said.  

“Of course, do you think I’m an idiot? They’re pyromaniacs in a forest.” Leo scoffed.  

“So... I’m going with Casey, right?” Mikey asked, and the other two nodded.  

When they arrived back at the lake shore, the orange-banded turtle and the human boy high-four-ed (because one has three fingers and the other five, so they chose a middle number) and walked back to the camp, talking about how everyone was being unfair with them and making extra effort to do so loudly so the others could hear and feel their pain as the poor marginalized and mistreated beings they were.   

Leo sighed and shook his head. “Children.”  

Casey and Mikey sat on some blankets and played Uno for a while. After a few rounds, they grew tired and took a walk around the place.   

Half an hour later, they returned and decided to improvise a theatrical show. The last act went like this:  

“Heracles, thou piece of rotten pizza with mold!” The turtle yelled, unsheathing his Mighty Sword (stick). “Thou shall pay for kidnapping mine flying, fire-breathing unicorn!”   

“Yet Mister Catenstein! Thy flying, fire-breathing unicorn is the key to save all of the orb from the grasp of lord Ranardotello, the three-minded hydra, and their lackey Apronill, the sexy medusa!” Heracles (Casey) argued with passion, not unsheathing his own sword yet. “It’s the sacrifice to finally close the gates of hell once and for all, and it might not but grant its blood aroint for the world’s sake.”  

“I don’t care!!!” Mister Catenstein roared dramatically, raising his blade. “She’s mine meetest friend, and I shall let the orb sear with the hellish, never-ending flames of the shades if it means to protect such a pure and kind soul. Hiyah!” He lunged, and the human blocked the attack with his sword just in time.  

“We don’t hast to fight, brother!” He begged. “We could be together and fortunate again if thou just do forget about that damned horse!”  

“No! I shall save her!”  

“Then you shall perish by mine blade trying!”  

Their metals clashed as the act went on.  

When Raph, Leo, Donnie and April arrived back at the camp, the scene before them made them drop the buckets full of fish.  

An ear-piercing scream ripped through the air as Mister Catenstein fell to the ground with Heracles' sword sticking out from his chest.  He struggled to breathe and whispered something that the human couldn’t hark, so he got to his hams and bore him 'i his arms.    

“Brother...” The turtle wheezed, coughing blood.  

“I ne'r wanted to fight.  Ne'r wanted this to befall. Will thou aye...” a gasp and moe wet coughs.  “Will thou aye forgive me?”  

“There’s  nought to forgive!” Heracles cried, bearing his brother close to his chest and heart.  “You were protecting thy friend.  Mine little Catsy.  Thou were the real hero.” 

“We both were, Her...” he teared up and, with his last breath, he quoth: “I love thou.”   

The light disappeared from his eyes, and he went merely still.  The human could feel the cold radiating from the corpse.    

“No! No! Brother!!!” Heracles shouted at the four winds.  

Their small audience started clapping. Mikey and Casey stood up and bowed.  

“Thank you, thank you! I don’t sign autographs, sorry.” The turtle grinned. Then, his stomach rumbled and everyone stopped clapping. “So... we eating now or nah?”  

“Yeah, I was planning on it.” The only girl said. “Leo, you set the ta...” She stopped herself, looked around and sighed. “There’s no table. Anyway, you know what I mean.”  

“Why can’t I help cook?” He whined.  

“Because you set on fire every kitchen-related thing you touch.” Donnie explained. “And we’re in the woods, so we can’t afford that now.”  

“But-”  

“Dude.” Mikey glared at him. “If you touch the food, I will break every bone in your body.” The oldest put his hands up and backed a few steps away from the bags full of food. “Good.”  

So, everyone except Leo and Donnie, who were tasked to set the metaphorical table, assisted the youngest cook. They used the fish they caught, some spices and condiments, and a few vegetables. It didn’t take much time to make lunch, but it was delicious nonetheless.  

They ate it around the fire they made to cook it, the smell of cooked fish hanging in the air, giving a rustic and comfortable ambience.  

April started talking about some high school gossip her friends were involved in, and Mikey and Leo were invested in it. It was about a pair of girls they met twice in their high school, they made an anonymous account to spread false rumors about people from other schools. Eventually, a group from one of those schools discovered it was them and went to find one of the girls to beat her up, but when they did, her mom was there too, and she started to insult them to protect her daughter. Her brother was also there, and he drove his car over two of the girls, injuring them heavily.  

The turtles were bewildered, they couldn’t believe all that happened over an internet account.   

“Humans are weird and stupid.” Raph scoffed.  

“For once in my life, brother, I agree with you.” Donnie nodded.  

Mikey was already picking up the Uno cards, held by a rubber band. They had finished eating already and left the plastic plates in a separate bag.  

April kept telling them gossip stories, Casey piping in with his own sometimes too, and they didn’t stop until an hour and a half later, when the cards were back in the human boy’s backpack, and they had played the second round of Monopoly.   

Then, Donnie asked about the show the two friends made after being ‘banished’ to the camp, and both told him everything about it happily as they played.  

“And you guys did all that because you were bored?” The girl asked, amazed by their creative skills. Mikey and Casey looked at each other, grinning proudly, and nodded.  

“Yeah, we’re literally better than Shakespeare, yo!” The boy said, going for a fist bump with Mikey.  

“For real, dude. That Shakes-Spear trembles and shits his pants when he sees our rad skills.” The turtle said, corresponding to the fist bump.  

“Shakespeare, Mikey. It’s Shakespeare.” Donnie sighed and rolled the dice, as it was his turn.  

He shrugged. “Same thing.” Then his brother moved his hat and fell on his property, so he laughed at him. “Pay, loser!”  

“I’m not gonna pay you, why do I always fall in your properties?!” He whined.   

Donnie ended up paying anyway, and they played a few more rounds. Then, they changed to Poker, a game in which Mikey seemed to (surprisingly) excel, and eventually they got tired of board games.  

It was late in the evening when they attempted to take a small walk.  

They wanted to try and get to a nearby viewpoint. It was quiet, no one talked and the silence was nice.   

The wind could be heard, moving the tree branches and a few leaves poking out from them against each other, rattling and rustling. Musical chirps of the birds that had stayed in the woods in winter resonated around them, and the snap of a few twigs of curious white rabbits was soon added to the mix of the sounds that gave life to the forest.  

A particular bunny got really close to them. Leo crouched, careful of his leg, and it approached him, sniffing curiously. He smiled fondly and reached forward to pet its white, fluffy fur. Sensing his intentions, the small animal, who had been keeping a distance, was scared by his impatience to touch, and jumped away.  

The turtle sighed with disappointment and stood, leaning on his crutches as he limped to Mikey, who had lingered behind to wait for him.  

He didn’t get to walk too much. His knee started hurting again, and he bent down a little to massage the area slightly. Then, he shallowed the pain and kept walking.   

Leo wanted to continue, he couldn’t ruin this walk. He had already messed up too much, his family was doing this for him, even if he didn’t deserve it.   

So he kept walking, until Mikey stopped him.  

“What are you doing? We have to keep going.” The leader tried to move forward, but Donnie placed a hand on his shoulder.  

“No, we don’t have to.” The genius shook his head.  

“Yeah. We’re doing this for you, Leo. If you’re in pain, it would blow the whole meaning of the Leo Appreciation Camping Day up.” Mikey said, his bright blue eyes glinting with a seriousness that, if the oldest didn’t know better, he would say it didn’t belong on his freckled face.  

“But I’m jinxing this with my weakness.” He argued.  

“No, fearless, you’re ‘jinxing’...” Raph approached them and made the air quotes. “...as you say, this with your stupid self-pity party!” His youngest brother tried to jump in, scared that a fight would grow between his older brothers, but Raph pushed him aside and got in Leo’s face. “Seriously, Leo, are you fucking dumb?!”  

“Hey, hey! Stop that Ra-” Mikey tried again.  

“Shut up.” The red-banded turtle growled and glared at him.  

He compelled, looking at the floor with an unreadable expression. Raph ignored him. The oldest looked ashamed of himself. Donnie looked at his hot-headed brother like he had just killed a puppy in front of him, and April and Casey backed up a few steps.  

“This is so stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid! I’m losing my mind! You aren’t like this, Leo! You aren’t! What the hell happened to you? Why are you acting like this?! This... Leo, this is too much.” He suddenly hugged him. “Nobody thinks you’ve jinxed anything. Only you. Why the fuck do you do that? It’s infuriating! It’s too much! I want to punch you so hard.” He didn’t. He hugged tighter instead. “Why can’t you see how beautiful you are? How strongly you hold yourself, how much of a good leader- no, brother.” He corrected himself. “How much of a good brother you are. I admire you. How can you be so strong? I despise you. How can you still act like you aren’t? How? How?!” His voice trembles. “Maybe it’s because I don’t tell you that I love you enough.”  

Leo was stunned for a few seconds, before tearing up and hugging Raph back just as tightly. He closed his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He breathed out.  

“Why are you sorry?” Donnie asked.  

“I don’t know.” The oldest whined. “I’m just sorry.”  

“I’m sorry, too.” The genius said. “We don’t thank you enough for what you do. You lead and take care of us, always. But lately, we’ve been failing to see that. Without you, what would I use my inventions for? Nothing, because I would be lost. We’re lost without you, Leo, but if you think it’s because you’re our leader, or strong, you’re deeply wrong. It’s because you’re simply you. Our big brother.” He patted and rubbed circles on his brother’s shell, not wanting to join the hug.   

Leo started sobbing, and his legs buckled under him. Raph held him, and lowered them to the floor with an odd gentleness in him, being careful of his brother’s leg and holding him as if he were as fragile or even more than a porcelain doll.  

“I-I don’t...” The oldest shuttered. “I don’t think I can ever be strong again. I don’t know what you guys see in me.” He cried.  

“If only you could see yourself with our eyes, aniki.” Mikey got on his knees and patted his head, just like Leo would always do to him. “You work yourself to death in training and after, you eat yourself alive in your head. I bet most of your thoughts whisper work, work, work, to you all the time! Donnie’s worse, though, but his ego’s so high he seems like he’s doing better than you.” The genius turtle let out an annoyed ‘hey!’, and Leo laughed between sobs. Mikey suddenly felt proud of his ability to ease the tension in the air. “Rest is important, bro. And your brain and body both need a long, long rest. Stop thinking, and if you can’t, just think about how much your little brothers love you.” He gave a gentle smile, and the oldest brother nodded, sniffling.  

“I... I’ll try.”  

“Good.” Raph grunted and wiped something from his eyes. Probably dust (it’s not dust). 

 “Let’s go back to the camp.” He picked Leo up, and they walked back, April and Casey trailing back with fond smiles.  

“You started this, mister Not-Good-With-This-Kind-Of-Stuff.” Mikey nudged Raph slightly, a smile on his face. “You know, I think you’re the most emotional guy on the team. You just think it makes you weak.”  

The red-banded turtle glared at him. “Not now, Mikey.”  

He let out an awkward laugh and got quiet. He brought something he shouldn’t have. Raph wanted to focus on Leo now, not himself.  

When they arrived at the camp, night had already settled down, so Mikey started making dinner while everyone crowded his oldest brother.  

Donnie took out a balm meant to ease his pain and gave him his medicines, and Casey started to tell stories about his crazy exes, which made Leo laugh.   

Mikey felt a little jealous (just a little!). Everyone was with the leader, and it was fine! He needed the support and love, but he was making dinner for everyone, alone, when they probably wouldn’t even thank him for it later. He was pretty sure that, if he turned around and laughed along with them, joining the conversation, they would tell him to go back to cooking and focus on what he’s doing. He decided to put it to work, just to prove himself that he wasn’t dramatic, or jealous (just a little) for no reason.  

“Woah, dude, that’s crazy!” He piped in when Casey told something about an ex breaking his hockey stick on his head.   

Everyone turned to him. It was awkward. Really awkward. Nobody was saying anything, until...  

“Mikey, go back to cooking and focus on what you’re doing.” April had the audacity to say.   

“My bad! Sorry.” He apologized, even though he didn’t know what he’s apologizing for, and kept cooking. ‘See?’ He thought to himself. Then, he came to the realization that April could also cook, but there she was with his brother. Not her, his. His brother. Chatting with him while she told Mikey to shut up. While he was cooking for everyone.   

It wasn’t fair. He felt anger bubble under his skin, and curled his hand tightly around the wooden spoon. He wanted to break it, and maybe get a few splinters stuck in his fingers. Like every time he got angry, he suddenly felt sick, like he wanted to puke.  

He gulped it down as guilt washed over the anger. What was he doing? This wasn’t about him, it was about Leo. Not him. What he was feeling wasn’t important. Not right now.  

So he kept cooking with a smile that maybe was a little bit too forced, and with a grip on the wooden spoon that maybe was a little bit too tight.   

After dinner, no one complimented his cooking, or said ‘thank you’, but it was fine. They were focused on Leo, like he should be, too.  

Then, they started roasting marshmallows, sitting around the fire.  

“It’s storytelling time!” Mikey cheered, and it felt false, but maybe only to him.  

“Hell yeah!” Casey yelled, throwing his arm over Mikey’s shoulder. “I’ll start!” He grinned. “When we first met, I thought you were boring. Raph still wanted to shove his sai up my ass, and you and him were fighting all the time.” The hot-headed brother grunted, and Casey kept talking. “For some reason, even if the dude didn’t trust me, he would meet me some nights to beat up thugs on the streets. But one day, instead of him, you, Leo, showed up. I thought that maybe you had grounded Raph and were here to tell me to fuck off and leave your brother alone because I’m a bad influence. You didn’t. I think it was the first time I’d ever seen you angry. Like, really pissed. It was a quiet fury, the kind of rage that eats you from the inside out and only manifests in the eyes. You were even trembling from repressed anger.”   

Leo coughed awkwardly and chewed on his slightly raw marshmallow.    

Casey continued with his story. “Even someone like you, who loves control, can lose it sometimes. I understood, and you knew I would. You always had that intuition with you. So, without a word, we took off and spent all night stopping robberies and stopping corrupt gangs. At one moment I even heard you laugh, man! You needed to be angry and strong like Raph, a night to let yourself lose it, you had fun! And it was one of the best nights of my life.”   

Leo was blushing, and he nodded. “I, um... I enjoyed that night, too.”  

“Of course you did! We even repeated after that! It was like wordless therapy for you.”  

“Before we continue, I would like to say something.” April said. All eyes were on her. “Leo.” She turned to him. “You can tell stories, too.”  

He looked hesitant. “Like, about anything? Or just myself?”  

“About anything. There are no rules here.” She explained.   

The turtle made a small ‘ooh’ sound and nodded.    

She smiled. “Ok, me next!” She cleared her throat. “This isn’t really a story, though, but it’s something. I love talking gossip with you. My other gossip partner is Mikey.”  

“I love your gossip girl!” The youngest cheered.  

“And that’s why I tell you everything too.” April grinned. “Anyway, remember that night you first told me about Karai? I thought you were, like, in love with her.” Leo cringed. With his sister? Hell no. “Now I think you swing in other directions, if you know what I mean. But that’s not where I was aiming with this.” The leader gulped and looked at everyone. They were looking at him with raised brows, except Mikey, who was confused, but that isn’t much of a surprise. “Oh, yeah, and I know wh-”  

“April, stop exposing me!” He yelled, covering his (now tomato-like) face.  

“Ok, ok, sorry.” She giggled. “But yeah, I thought you liked her.”  

Leo snorted. “And that’s why you spent all night talking about your friends’ toxic relationships and how they managed to break free from their partners’ evil grasp?”  

“Actually, yeah.” The turtle started laughing. The others smiled. “What? Don’t tell me your crush throwing very pointy and dangerous knives at you isn’t toxic!”  

Raph laughed too. “She’s right, Leo! And I’ve been telling you that since we first met that bitch.”  

“That guy you have around now, I can tell he’s a different story. I give you two my blessings.” She commented.  

“I said, stop exposing me!”  

“Now you gotta tell us about him, bro.” Mikey, who’d finally understood what April meant by swinging in other directions, said nudging him and smiling.  

“Maybe another day.” He sighed.  

“Can I go next?” Donnie asked.  

“Sure, Don.” She nodded.  

The genius’s story was shocking. It was about when they were tots, and Leo was angry at Splinter because he said Mikey had more potential than any of them and started giving him extra lessons. He felt betrayed by his father and very jealous of his youngest brother. Donnie managed to convince him to go topside for the first time as revenge. They dressed up in clothes they had found in the junkyard and made friends with a kid called Arnold, who was being bullied, and offered to teach him some self-defense. It didn’t go well, because the child was dense.  

“I wonder who that kid was.” Casey mused.  

“He looked a lot like you, actually.” Leo said.  

“I can’t believe it.” Raph snorted. “Donnie and you, daddy’s perfect little angels, going topside before us...” He gestured to himself and Mikey. “...the troublemakers?”  

“Ironic, isn’t it?” The genius grinned.  

Then, Mikey and finally Raph told their own stories. The youngest couldn’t help but forget about his jealousy, he was having too much of a good time to be sad or angry. 

Eventually, the stories shifted to the whole group, they talked about how the hot-headed turtle discovered that crocheting relaxed him greatly and how his brothers convinced him that it was a manly activity so he wouldn’t be ashamed, how Donnie started teaching Mikey how to make firecrackers but ended up almost exploding the lair, when April first discovered that Leo had an special ability to burn water when trying to cook.  

Hours passed by without them even noticing. The youngest was resting his head on Raph’s lap, with a blanket thrown over him. They all had blankets now. 

Leo was talking, his voice was soothing. Mikey liked it. He curled up and snuggled closer to his older brother. Donnie laughed. Mikey liked that. He felt the fire’s warmth on his face, and his eyelids getting heavier and heavier as the seconds dragged on. A hand rubbed circles on his shell, and he couldn’t help but drift off.  

“He’s not scared anymore! He was an easy prey, his fear was tasty. Why can’t we corrupt his dreams anymore?”  

“I don’t know, Dire... I don’t know...”  

Darkness was ever-present, never-ending. The voices echoed around it.  

“If only we could send Dave! We would get out of here faster.”  

“Maybe if you learnt to eat from positive emotions...”  

“Shut up, Dave!” Three voices yelled at the same time.  

“Geez, ok.” A giggle.  

“And the blue one? What about him?”  

“His mind is too strong, and besides, he isn’t scared anymore.”  

“A pity.”  

“Don’t worry, guys! We’ll get out of here! Never lose hope.”  

“Dave.”  

“Yeah?”  

“Shut up.”  

“Ok.” Another giggle.  

“Wait! I sense something.”  

“Is it him, Dire?! Is he upset?!” One of the voices asked eagerly. “Dread said I’ll go next! I need to do something, or else I’ll die of boredom!”  

“It’s him. He’s jealous of his brother. He’s angry, too. Oh, you’ll have lots of fun when he falls asleep.”  

“Prepare yourself, Dark. You’re going.”  

“Of course, Dread. I have something special for him, and then you’ll get a clear path to him.”  

“Go now, brother.”  

“Good luck, Dark!”  

“I hope we can get out of here as soon as possible so I never have to hear your voice ever again, Dave.”  

“Thanks!”  

Mikey woke up. He was in his bed at the farmhouse, which was weird, because he’s pretty sure he fell asleep at the camp listening to Leo’s voice and Donnie’s laugh a few seconds ago. But again, it wouldn’t be the first time he lost time like that. 

He sat up, the white covers falling to his legs, and looked next to him. His genius brother was sleeping, but now Mikey couldn’t fall asleep, so he decided to go to the bathroom to drink some water.  

Carefully, without making any sound, to not wake anybody, the youngest arrived at the bathroom. It smelled weird, really weird, like copper and meat that has gone bad. The turtle didn’t pay much attention to it though.  

He turned the tap and drank water from it.  

The water didn’t taste like water. It tasted coppery, and it was denser. Mikey spit it out. It was a dark liquid. To examine it better he turned on the light, and the the liquid’s pink color surprised him. It looked like blood. Kraang blood.  

His eyes went wide, and he opened the tap again. More blood came out. 

He backed away and gagged. He had something in his mouth, and decided to get it out directly by shoving his hand in and taking it.  

Hair. Mikey had white hair in his mouth. He gagged again and retched.  

He was going to vomit.  

Throwing himself to the toilet, he lifted the seat and saw a mass of flesh and hair. He tried to scream, but only bile came out, so he forced himself to close his eyes and don’t, don’t look at the thing in the toiled as he vomited over it. 

He didn’t bother flushing it, he just ran out of the bathroom, sobbing and disgusted, back to his room, where Donnie, his big brother, was. Where it was safe.  
 

The turtle closed the door behind him, and saw an immediate change in the room. The walls were peeling off. Under them, a mass of flesh, pulsing, alive, shifted.  

Mikey then understood that the house is, for some reason, Kraang. He ran to Donnie’s side and shook him. 

“Dee, Dee!” He didn’t bother keeping his voice down, this was an emergency, because April’s farmhouse is Kraang, and they needed to get out of there now. His brother whined and opened his eyes. 

“Mikey? What are you waking me up for...?” Donnie grumbled. 

“The house is Kraang! Don’t you smell it? It smells rotten!” 

“If you only woke me up for your stupid imagination, I swear to god...” His brother said, annoyed. 

Mikey couldn’t help but to feel anger. His brothers never took him seriously! Everything is always in his imagination. “No, Dee! Not this time. Just... Just look! Look at the walls.” He switched the lights and pointed to the wall in front of him. The upholstery was slightly peeled, the flesh under it still pulsing. 

Donatello looked at the wall in front of him intently, then sighed. “I don’t see anything.” 

The youngest gritted his teeth. How can his brother be so blind? It’s literally in front of him! ‘Well,’ Mikey though bitterly, ‘you’ll see it now.’ And grabbing the paper and ignoring the thing under him, alive, gross and disgusting, he ripped it off. Kraang blood splattered onto him, and he’s pretty sure among the mass of flesh he’s seeing teeth and a few dull, dead-looking eyes.  

Mikey gagged again and backed off, next to Donnie. “See?! It’s there! It’s there!” He shouted desperately. 

“You ripped April’s wallpaper!” The furious tone in his brother’s voice made his chest feel tight, like his ribs were trying to trap his heart and lungs and squeeze them so hard that they might come out from his mouth. ‘Don’t think about ribs and heart and vomit and flesh now. Anything but that.’ 

Just then, April, Casey, Leo and Raph entered the room. 

“What’s with all this shouting?” The oldest demanded. 

“What happened to the wallpaper?!” The girl shrieked. 

“Well, Mikey here has finally lost it! He’s saying that the house is Kraang and ripped your wallpaper off.” Donnie explained, and he wanted to beg them to just see what’s in front of them, the big ugly monster that’s hiding in the walls. 

“C-Can’t you see it...?” The youngest asked, his eyes suddenly feeling watery and uncomfortable, burning. 

His brother and friends were angry at him. Mikey wanted to be angry at them too, but the roof above him was distracting. It was bending down slowly, as if something really heavy were on it, and it was wet. The anger was replaced by fear. 

He backed off to the opposite wall from the entrance, where the window was. But when he reached it, instead of the white curtain fabric, he felt hair. He looked.  

The curtain was white hair. A piece of peeling paper fell over his head. The window was buried in the flesh. He gaped at the whole situation. 

“You guys seriously don’t see this?” Mikey asked with a little, trembling voice. 

The group looked at each other, then at the youngest. 

“No.” Is all he could hear before the wall of flesh collapsed on him and trapped him under the blood, hair, teeth and dull, dead-looking eyes.  

He screamed for help, or maybe just tangled, mangled words, but he sure knew he screamed until his voice was raw. No help came, and the flesh found place in his mouth and around him, pressing against his skin, everywhere, he felt it everywhere, it was everywhere. 

He tried to close his eyes, but he couldn’t. 

He tried to breathe, but he couldn’t. 

He smelled rotten meat and coppery blood, hair tickled him (not in a good way, it was gross, disgusting, gross!).  

Mikey gagged and cried, and he felt like he was drowning, maybe in his tears, maybe in the flesh, maybe in both. 

‘I wanna get out of here.’ 

‘I want my brothers to save me.’ 

‘Please help me.’ 

He begged internally to be saved. For someone, anyone to come take him out of there, to rip the gross flesh and hair and teeth and the dull, dead-looking eyes off him. 

No help came. No one believed him. He was choking and going to die. 

He suddenly felt really exhausted. His strength left him. 

The last thing Mikey saw among the flesh and hair and teeth and the dull, dead-looking eyes, was a blurry furry red face. It looked like a fat rodent, maybe a hamster.  

He gasped as he woke up. He was tired, his body felt like it was sleeping while he was awake. 

Raph’s blurry face was looking at him with worry, but Mikey wasn’t thinking about that right now. He was trying to remember how to breathe.  

Donnie was saying something as he lifted his head from Raph’s lap. The youngest couldn’t hear it, only ringing in his ears. 

His two brothers sat him up, and suddenly Leo came into view. He could only make out his colors. Is his vision going worse? Black spots danced around. Is that normal? 

His oldest brother is opening his mouth. Is he talking? No... Mikey thinks he’s breathing. Maybe he’s teaching him how to breathe again, because he thinks he forgot. 

He tries to mimic him, but it takes a lot of effort. 

Suddenly, something warm touches his hand, and he thinks he screams. Raph raises his hands up and gives him his space, with a face he can’t really make out, because it’s blurry and he forgot how to breathe again. 

Mikey looks at the fire. It’s dancing and spinning and it’s pretty. Leo waves a hand in front of him and tries the breathing exercises again. The youngest mimics, and soon he can see Leo’s midnight blue eyes, full of worry. 

“...ikey? Mikey? Are you with us?” He asks.  

The orange-banded turtle nods. He can’t find his voice. He thinks that’s bad. 

“Great, that’s great, otouto.” Leo smiles reassuringly. “You’re fine.” He says with a gentle voice. “Can we touch you?” 

It’s then when Mikey notices that everyone is a few steps away from him. ‘Can they touch me?’ He asks himself. He doesn’t see a problem with that, so he shruggs and nods. The movement makes him dizzy.  

Hesitantly, Raph approaches him and puts a hand over his shoulder. Mikey’s breath hitches and is suddenly reminded of flesh and hair and teeth and the dull dead-looking eyes. His older brother quickly withdraws his hand. 

The youngest wants to tell him it’s ok, that he wants a hug now. He doesn’t find his voice.  

April, Casey, Leo, Raph and Donnie looked at each other worryingly. 

What could’ve Mikey possibly dreamt about to be this messed up when he woke up?