Chapter Text
It was never quiet.
He was never alone.
He was never in control.
Those were the first things that Shuuji ever knew.
The constant hum.
The countless eyes.
The strings being pulled by Her.
That entity that was barely considered human on account of flesh and blood.
The abundance of appendages.
The extra eyes.
The lack of love.
The lack of life.
Internally, She was never human to begin with.
She dressed and danced like the holiest of angels, holding you like something precious and delicate. Because that’s what humans were. Delicate dolls that broke and fractured. Dolls She could make dance and dress up as she walked you through the acts of your life. Leading you through the scenes where you laughed. Where you cried. Where you were in pain. In so so much pain. And you would go through this, unable to prevent the horrors you see, just knowing what will come. And you can’t cry. Can’t frown. Can’t push away. Just watch. And just bleed.
Until you too, were no longer human.
Shuuji sat down quietly, head hung down like a puppet when no one is holding the strings. He didn’t dare look up which left him to only stare at the boots stained with blood cross the empty floor. The only light illuminating the expanse of polish marble pass through the stain glass windows but there was enough light to see that these boots belong to someone new.
But little Shuuji watched the way they moved. Clean and without hesitation. Easily taking one step in front of the other. Whoever this was didn’t hear it, he realized. Didn’t hear the graceful hum that he could never filter out despite the singing of it constantly for as long as he could remember.
It was an old and ethereal song. The voice was so beautiful that is must have been favored on, even among the greatest of beauty, before the owner of it was damned.
A squeal of delight. One that disguised the true maliciousness that hid in the core of Her. She who was always there, now moving from Her own seat on the cold floor where she played with the hair of the thing she called son.
“DOTTIE!” The voice sang, She hopped up and threw herself at the other.
“Columbina!” The other voice beamed, a male Shuuji guessed. The two chatted, being on friendly terms seemingly, that only worsen the pit in Shuuji’s stomach. What kind of demon would be friends with Her?
The struggle to control his breathing became worse. He was clutching his bloodied bandages, all tied with a pretty bow. He couldn’t lose control, he couldn’t lose control, echoed through his mind because if he lost control than he lost control to Her.
The humming became louder and Dazai fought a sob as all the blood drained from his knuckle and he fell limp. His own screams cascaded through his mind yet externally his eyes seemed almost bored.
He knew he had done something wrong. It felt so wrong even though She cheered and rewarded him. She gave him a slice of a fruit, and it was so good, so sweet. It was something he committed to memory even though he felt so dead inside. It should be wrong, shouldn’t it? It should be wrong when you kill someone, someone you cared about. But everyone moved on with life and it pained Shuuji so much that he was slowly moving on too.
He killed her.
He watched the life drained out of her.
She should have lived.
She was the better sibling.
Yet he moved on.
And She hurt him less.
It almost made him happy.
What was he becoming?
Footsteps came towards him in those fancy boots and Shuuji could do nothing as a hand gripped his chin and pulled it up.
He was so sure that this man wasn’t from here but he wore a mask. A mask that made a beak. He wasn’t trap here too, that’s for sure. He wasn’t in one of the bird cages. Yet he wore a bird mask that was framed by blue hair.
“So this is the one who can take care of our pest problem,” he examined Shuuji, turning his face back and force and around the bandages.
“Yes!” She finally jumped into view and if Shuuji was in control he’d flinched away. He hated when She was so close where he could see the perfect sculpt of her pale face with beautiful brown locks framing it. The beauty she had was so unbelievably perfect it only made sense why she was so hideous inside to balance the perfection. She was now stroking his hair, a shade not unlike her own, “It has finally unlocked its ability. It’ll make for the perfect mousetrap!”
“The nullification gift,” the blue haired man observed as they watched and touch him like he was some inanimate object. He chuckled, “That gift is quite rare. None of my own experiments survived the exposure needed to cultivate such a talent. You must have put this boy through hell and back.”
“Yes,” She beamed, “My little birdie did so well. It’ll be a bit longer before it can leave the nest but it’ll be ready.”
“I do sincerely hope that this bird is able to snatch the rodents up,” the other agreed before asking, “May I speak to it?”
“Please do,” the unholy one clasp her hands and tilted her head towards Shuuji.
The man leaned forward, “When you’re older, I will need you to do something. It’s what you’re meant to do so don’t complain, but I need you to kill someone for me. A lab rat that escaped.”
He grinned, “I need you to kill the one called Fyodor.”
*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>
Dazai sighed heavily as he woke up. He really shouldn’t be remembering those times from when, god wasn’t he five or six? He groaned. Maybe younger. Young enough to still think that the abuse was wrong. In his later years he would normalize it. That it was how you raised those beneath you. His understanding of life came from there and really only changed after Oda’s death and meeting Fukuzawa-san.
A low voice interrupted his thoughts, “You better not be staring at me like some creep again.”
Dazai looked back at the mob of ginger hair slowly moving to reveal a face, “But Chuuya is so cute in the mornings. Like a little puppy.”
Chuuya narrowed his eyes, “Shitty way to say you had a nightmare.” He sat up and leaned on his partner, “You could always talk about that.”
The mask Dazai wore slipped slightly before he fixed it saying, “Oh yeah. I had this very scary dream where I got ready and went to work but turned out it was all a dream so I had to do it all again.”
The gravity manipulator huffed and laid back down to quickly turn away. Dazai stared at him before leaning and prompting his head on Chuuya arm, “Why is the slug mad?”
“We agreed we weren’t going to do this anymore,” Chuuya sighed. He turned to look at his partner, “We’re not teenagers anymore, we can have these conversations.”
“Boo,” Dazai complained, “Chuuya is being responsible and, ugh, healthy.”
It was clear Dazai was not taking this seriously until Chuuya brought a hand to cup his cheek and whispered, “Omasu, please talk to me.”
Dazai stopped and gently cradled the hand over his own, “You know when you have those moments of naivety, where you think everything is going to get better.” Chuuya nodded hesitantly, afraid of where this was going to go. “Well I had a dream reminding me of one of those times. When I thought I’d finally be safe, that everything wouldn’t hurt as much. But I was wrong, and everything increased tenfold.”
“Was this with Mori?” Chuuya asked.
Dazai shook his head, “No. Before.”
Chuuya’s eyes widen. Never has Dazai talked about before the mafia. This topic was like a wild creature, so elusive that it had become a folktale. A beast Chuuya knew if he tried to follow it or catch it, would just disappear, never to be seen again. So he didn’t push, just brought his arms around Dazai and held him close, waiting to see if the other would continue.
*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>
Verlaine opened the hatched “Q, Elise is bored today so you can the fortunate opportunity to play with her, Boss’ orders.” Through the hole he could see the padded room which was mostly empty aside from some dolls and plushies that were constantly rearranged in both their position and with the amount of limbs they had.
Well it wasn’t like Q had anything else do in here.
“Can I bring my dolls?” Q asked innocently.
Verlaine, knowing full well what the dolls in question looked like and what Q did to them, answered, “Of course.”
And so with Q packed they began their trek to the elevator and with a press of a button began to ascend out of the hellhole Mori had made in the basement for when Mafia members stepped out of line or couldn’t be trusted with the freedom to roam.
When the elevator opened they were greeted with a yelling Elise who Mori was desperately trying to calm down as it seemed he was in the middle of a very important meeting with the executives and Black Lizards who seemed like they wanted to be anywhere else.
“Elise!” Q smiled and waved. With that the whole atmosphere shifted and the room became very tense as the adults watched the two children run up to each and hug.
“Q!” The girl cheered, “Did you bring your special dolls?”
Verlaine knelt down and set the box on the ground, “Here they are.” He gently patted Q’s head before standing up and joining the other adults who then proceeded to keep have a mind on the meeting and the other half watching Q. As the meeting progressed they were able to tune out the playing and almost forget about the horror that remained in the same room. They only remembered when Tachihara who was in mid bite of an apple he was eating felt a tug on his sleeve.
He casually looked down only to nearly jump out his seat, “Q!”
The rest of the adults snapped their head back towards the man with the bandaged nose as Q just laughed. They pointed at the fruit, “Can I have that?”
“Uh…” he looked between the child and the fruit.
“I don’t want the fruit, just what’s around it. Please give it to me,” they smiled, “or I’ll take it from your cold hands.”
Tachihara looked around, “Boss?”
Mori shrugged, “There aren’t many ways Q can use the foam net to hurt someone. Don’t see why not.”
“Thank you Boss!” Q smiled and ran off back to Elise.
Mori continued, “Now then, the Black lizards will take the-“
A maniac laugh, “And now you die! Die! Die!”
“-then Chuuya will lead a team through-“
Fake screaming and then a whiny, “It hurts! It hurts! I hate pain!”
“-Akutagawa will cut of any exits-“
“A now the beautiful knight will arrive to save the day!”
“Except the knight is an idiot and emotionally fragile so he gets to suffer!”
“Yeah and his lover is watching too!”
“And then he kills him!”
“Die! Die! Die!”
The sharp and cold voice cut through the room, “Elise, Q,” Mori began, clearly agitated, “if you insist on playing then do so quieter.”
“That’s not fair!” Elise began, “You love to play how to torture Dazai with us!”
The room paused.
Any confusion was clarified when Q hopped up and brought a doll to the table. The doll to say the least looked like it went through hell and back. The fabric they made the hair was choppy and completely missing while the button eyes were pulled out and dangling by red string as if to say the eyes were dangling from the sockets. The doll had a black coat and white shirt that was ripped in multiple places. It was surprisingly the thing was even able to stay together at all but it became clear that was what the toilet paper wrapped underneath the doll’s clothes were for.
“Boss?” Q asked, “Can we get him new clothes to match the ones Dazai now has?”
“Yeah!” Elise jumped up from behind, “It’s not fun if he doesn’t actually look like Dazai.”
Meanwhile Chuuya seethed, his question more towards Verlaine, “Who just gives Q a doll that looks like Dazai to torture?”
“Dazai.” Verlaine answered matter of factly.
Chuuya paused below letting out an annoyed sighed, “Of course he did.”
“Speaking of Dazai,” Mori faced Chuuya, “Dazai did confirm that Fyodor is dead, yes?”
“Lighten up, Dazai,” a very drunk Chuuya began and practically on top of the man with a drink in one hand and his arm wrapped around the detective’s neck, “That Russian is dead so we can finally go on with our lives.”
“Yeah,” Dazai looked at the door as if waiting for something.
“What’s up with you?” Chuuya slurred.
Dazai let out a fake laugh, “Guess it doesn’t seem real that Fyodor is dead. It makes me wonder what comes next.”
“I’d figured you detectives would go on with your lives and go save some strays or adopt another kid. Heard the Hunting Dogs are kind of lost right now. Get one of them instead of another one of the Mafia’s.”
“Except one of us is due to become a Port Mafia member in one month time,” Dazai sighed, “Just like Mori to hold everyone in suspense before revealing the news.”
“He’s giving you guys time to say goodbye,” Chuuya huffed.
“And how long would you say one typically lasts?” Dazai asked suddenly serious, “How long do you think someone needs to say their goodbyes?”
“I would say Dazai does believe Fyodor is dead,” Chuuya decided.
“What?” Q’s small voice asked.
“It doesn’t concern you-“
“What do you mean the rat is dead?” Q asked again.
Mori turned his attention to Verlaine, “I was unaware you were telling Q sensitive information.”
Verlaine shook his head, “I didn’t say anything to them about Fyodor.”
“Who killed him? Who killed lab rat Fyodor?” Q pushed, “Was it Dazai?”
“Dazai orchestrated the whole thing,” Chuuya watched Q suspiciously which morphed into worry as Q looked more and more distressed. Even more scared than when they were captured by the guild, an event to this day that still gives them nightmares.
Then it was like switch was flicked and Q covered their ears and began to scream.