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only then i am human (only then i am clean)

Summary:

Will looked at him, making eye contact. He was so beautiful like this. His eyes almost sparkled in the light. Mike hadn’t been able to look away, lately. He had been stealing glances from across the room, staring at Will whenever possible.

He knew it was wrong, the feeling he got in his stomach when Will looked back.

OR: Mike and Will duck into a church in the Upside-Down to tend to wounds. Chaos ensues!

Notes:

Hi everyone! This is my first byler fic. I really liked the idea of Churchgate, and was heavily inspired to write. Please enjoy!

Update 11/4/2025: Grammar fixes & prose additons.

TW: slightly homophobic language

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

The church stood tall above them. The upside-down was dark and gloomy, and Mike needed to get Will somewhere where they could sit down. He didn’t like churches - they made him feel uncomfortable. Dirty. Like something inside him was wrong.

It didn’t matter. This was quite literally their only option, and Mike wasn’t going to drag Will any further just because he felt slightly nauseous at the thought of the cross. 

He opened the door, Will draped across his shoulders.

The church was dusty. The vines, usually everywhere across the upside-down, were strangely absent here. Mike tried not to think about why that might be.

Would the divine reject him, too? Was he just as unnatural as the monsters that lived here? Was he a monster?

Mike pushed away his thoughts. “Not helpful,” he muttered.

Will’s head perked up, and Mike could see him wince at the pain in his leg. “What’s not helpful, Mike?” 

Mike glanced at him. “Nothing, Will. I just don’t like this place. Gives me the creeps.”

Will caught his eye, and Mike knew he didn’t believe him. He quickly changed the subject.

“Let’s get you to sit down. We need to look at that cut.” Will unhooked his arm from around Mike’s shoulders, and collapsed onto one of the many church pews. His breaths were ragged; uneven. Mike sat down next to him.

“Okay. I’m going to do this slowly, alright?” Mike glanced at Will, grabbing at the bottom of his pant leg, Will grimaced, and nodded his head. 

The gash in Will’s leg had been the result of a rogue Demo-bat. Neither of them had seen it perched on one of the many trees nearby, and before Mike could kill it, it had ripped its claws through the flesh of Will’s shin. 

Mike didn’t have many supplies to clean the cut. The meager first aid kit in his backpack contained water, bandages, and straight alcohol. 

It was going to hurt.

Mike continued to roll Will’s pant leg up, trying not to wince when the cut came into view. It wasn’t deep, but it was long. A huge red gash marred the expanse of Will’s shin, from right below his knee to his ankle. 

Mike looked up at Will. His cheeks were flushed, and he was panting. 

Mike tried not to think about that too much.

“You good?” He asked, and Will looked down at him.

“Yeah. Let’s get this over with, please. As fast as you can.” 

Mike nodded, and removed the bandages and water from his kit. He poured some water on a bandage, and began to dab at the area around the cut. He tried not to wince when he heard Will’s breaths speed up.

He emptied a small amount of rubbing alcohol onto another bandage.

“Will, I’m cleaning the cut now. Please tell me if I should stop.” 

Will grimaced. “Okay.”

Mike pressed the bandage to the cut, and he heard Will draw in a breath. He kept going, dabbing all the way around the gash.

He was done quickly, and wrapped Will’s leg with the remaining bandages tightly.

“You okay?” Mike asked, gently. He looked up at Will.

Will looked at him, making eye contact. He was so beautiful like this. His eyes almost sparkled in the light. Mike hadn’t been able to look away, lately. He had been stealing glances from across the room, staring at Will whenever possible. 

He knew it was wrong, the feeling he got in his stomach when Will looked back. 

The fringe of Will’s hair obscured some of his face from this angle. Mike wanted to reach up and brush it away.

Will was still staring back at Mike, neglecting to answer his question. Mike waved his hand in front of his face.

“Will? Are you good?” 

Neither of them had broken eye contact.

Will shook his head, and his fringe moved out of his face. “Yeah. Sorry. Thanks for helping me out.” He looked away, and moved to stand up.

Mike knew that his thoughts were dirty. Wrong. But he couldn’t stop wishing that Will would sit back down. He wanted Will to look back at him, and smile - with one of his real smiles, not like the ones he gave the rest of the Party when he was pretending to be okay. No, Mike wanted Will to look at him in the way that he looked at Will. He wanted Will to cup his face in his hands, to run his thumbs over Mike’s cheeks. 

Mike wanted Will to feel the same way that he felt.

“Will?” Mike asked, and it came out desperate. Needy. 

Will turned around, and looked at him, a question in his eyes. “Yeah? What’s wrong?”

“Can you… Um. Can you come back?” Mike questioned, and he wanted to squeeze his eyes shut. Stupid.

Will nodded, and he turned his head to the side. A silent question.

Mike swallowed. “I’m… Uh. I’m not ready to leave yet. I think we should sit for a little.” He patted the seat next to him, where Will had sat moments ago. “Want to talk?”

“Sure,” Will said, and it sounded like a question.

Mike sighed. “I feel like we haven’t really had the chance to… Unpack? What’s been happening. I mean, you just got sliced up by a Demo-bat, and Vecna obviously knows we’re here. I’m worried. For everyone, but especially for you.”

Will smiled, and sat down. “I promise I’m okay, Mike. You don’t have to worry. Pinky swear.” Will held up his pinky finger.

His smile was really pretty. 

Mike could feel the Cross behind him.

Mike brought his hand up, and entwined his pinky with Will’s.

“Pinky swear,”  Mike said, and grinned at Will.

Queer

Mike looked down and unhooked their pinkies, sucking in a breath. His thoughts were all over the place. This was not the ideal setting for him to be struggling with… whatever this was

“You ready to head back out?” Mike inquired, and he hoped that Will didn’t hear his voice wavering. That would be embarrassing. 

“Not quite,” Will said. There was something wrong with his voice.

Mike looked up, tilting his head in confusion. “Will? You okay?”

Will’s pinky was still in the air, right where Mike had abandoned it. That wasn’t normal. 

“Oh, Micheal.” Will said. And Mike knew what was happening.

Mike scrambled up from the pew. He backed away slowly, watching as Vecna stood up. He still looked like Will.

“What do you want?” Mike said, and his back hit something. The cross.

“I simply want to talk to you, Micheal.” Mike grimaced. “I’ve been watching you, you know. Watching you struggle with your feelings.”

Mike looked to both sides of him. There was nowhere to run. Vecna made his way towards him, and Mike began to panic.

“Oh poor Micheal. Pushing your feelings on someone you call your best friend.”

Vecna smiled. It looked like Will’s smile. Mike wanted to puke.

“Do you want to know what he would think, if he knew? He would think you were disgusting. His best friend, secretly harboring this wrongness.”

Vecna’s hand cupped Mike’s face. Mike was reminded of what he had wished for only minutes ago.

“What a silly thought. You truly thought he might reciprocate your love for him?”

A tear slipped down Mike’s cheek. He wanted to step up, defend himself. But how could he? Everything Vecna was saying was right. He knew Will would be disgusted by him, if he knew. He knew that Will would agree with Vecna. Agree with his Dad.

“I tried to stop it. I tried. I promise. Pinky swear.” Mike sobbed.

Vecna just laughed at him. “Oh, Micheal. If only it was that simple. If only wanting to be normal was enough.” Vecna’s hand moved towards Mike’s forehead.

Mike could feel everything. Vecna’s sharp fingernails against his forehead, His back, pressed flush against the wooden cross. The tears, running down his face. His breath as he hyperventilated.

But something was different. Wrong.

Vecna turned around, and Mike glimpsed what he was looking at.

There was a… Portal? A rip in the scene before him, like he was looking through the surface of a body of water, trying to see the sandy bottom.

He could see himself. His body, high up in the air. 

And there was Will, below him. Screaming his name, pulling at his legs, trying to win him back from Vecna’s trap. There was no music; no pair of headphones around Mike’s ears.

But Will was screaming so loud. Mike could almost make it out.

“Mike! Please! Come back. I’m sorry!” Mike’s eyes widened.

“You have to fight! You have to fight him! Please Mike! I can’t lose you. I can’t do it. I don’t know what I would do without you. I don’t know what you’re struggling with, but I wish you would tell me. I could help you. Whatever it is. Please, Mike. Please don’t leave me. I don’t have anyone else!” Tears streamed from Will’s eyes.

Mike sucked in a breath. He looked at Vecna, who had shed Will’s face. “You’re wrong.” Mike said, and he believed it. “Will would never leave me. He would never do that. No matter what.” Vecna’s face hardened.

But Mike was determined, now, and he was going to leave. He was going to get back to Will. He could still hear him, through the hazy portal.

Mike kicked at Vecna. He scratched, pulled, ripped. Anything to get back to Will. Anything.

Vecna reared back in pain, and Mike saw his opening. He sprinted, running past the pews, past Vecna, away from the Cross.

He jumped through the Portal.

And suddenly, he was falling. He squeezed his eyes shut, preparing to hit the ground - but something (or someone) broke his fall.

Will was beneath him, tears streaming down his face. He looked up at Mike, making eye contact. His eyes were still beautiful.

“Mike?” Will said, and Mike broke down.

He grabbed at Will, hugging him tightly. “I’m sorry Will. I’m so, so sorry.” Mike didn’t know what to say. “I don’t know how I got out. I know we didn’t have a Walkman. But I heard you. I heard you. You got me out, Will.” Mike was hyperventilating again, and Will pulled away so he could look at him.

“Mike,” he said. “It’s gonna be okay. I promise. I-” A sob wrenched itself out of Will. “I’m really sorry I couldn’t see that you were struggling. I- I didn’t even know. Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you say anything?” Will looked genuinely betrayed.

Mike swallowed and looked down. “You’ll hate me,” he said, and he meant it. Will might not push him away completely, but this would ruin their friendship. Forever.

Will looked shocked. “Mike.” Mike looked back up at him. “I could never hate you. I could never.” He cupped Mike’s face. “Never. Okay? Please tell me you understand. Please.”

Mike nodded, but he didn’t say anything. A tear dropped from his face.

Will wiped at Mike’s cheek. “Please, Mike. I want to understand. I can’t help you if I don’t understand.”

Mike drew in a breath.

“Okay.” he said. “Okay. I’ll tell you.”

He wondered how Will would pull away. Would he take his hand off of Mike’s cheek and back up? Would he run outside? Would he pretend to be okay with it, and then abandon Mike as soon as he deemed acceptable?

Mike looked down, and he felt Will’s fingers move with his cheek.

“I-” Mike said, and Will nodded, encouraging. “I’m a- a queer.” Mike choked out, and another tear dropped from his face. “I’m sorry Will. I’m so sorry. I tried to stop it. You have to understand that. I tried.” 

There were many things Mike thought he would never admit to Will: How sad he had been when Will left for Lenora, how Mike thought constantly of Will in a way he did not think of El, how he often found himself wishing he had written a hundred letters rather than leaving Will hanging. Mike had planned on keeping this admission in that category. It seemed that his mouth had gotten ahead of his brain. Will would never speak to him again, and it would be Mike’s own fault. There was no one else he could blame for this.

Will sucked in a breath.

“Mike.” He said, and Mike looked up at him. “How could you think I could hate you?” Will swallowed, and now tears were running down his face again. “I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like that. I’m sorry.” 

Mike dropped his gaze. Will was never one to lie, and Mike doubted he would start now. However, Mike suspected that this wasn’t the full truth. Will’s words were beautiful, but Mike was sure that eventually, his acceptance would turn sour. If Mike was completely honest about his feelings towards Will, he was sure that Will would abandon him.

“Mike,” Will said, again, and Mike could sit like this forever, if Will would keep saying his name like that. Will cupped the other side of Mike’s face, and directed his chin up, until their eyes were locked again. 

“I could never hate you. Okay? I want you to understand that. Please, nod if you understand.”

Mike nodded. He didn’t understand.

Will’s breath was hot on his face. He was so close now, and his eyes were searching; prodding.

“The truth is, Mike, I’m- I’m like that. I’m like that too.” Will’s words were fast, and Mike thought he might have misunderstood.

What?

“What?” Mike said, because there was no way that was true. There was no way that Will; Perfect, beautiful, Will, was like him.

Will smiled, understanding. “I’m gay, Mike. I’m the same as you.”

Mike was stunned. Will looked so perfect in the light, and for once, Mike paid no attention to the cross behind him. Vecna’s threats seemed empty now; foolish, even.

“Will? I- uh. I’m. I’m not just gay,” Mike said, his heart pounding in his chest. Will’s smile didn’t falter, though. “I- I like you. I love you.”

Will drew in a breath, a shocked expression on his face. His hands tightened around Mike’s jaw. 

What?” Will’s eyes searched Mike’s. “Me? But…” Will exhaled.

Mike’s face was downcast. He knew what would come next. He looked down again, staring at Will’s hands on his face. He would enjoy this, while it lasted.

“Mike,” Will said, again, and suddenly, Will’s lips were on his.

Mike was frozen; paralyzed. He didn’t have time to reciprocate, or even think - as fast as Will had pushed forward, he was now pulling away. 

Mike looked up. “Will… I don’t understand. I don’t-”

But Mike’s question was cut short, as Will pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“I love you too, Mike. I love you, too.” Will smiled. A real smile.

Mike took a sharp breath in. He looked at Will. He smiled, and threw his arms around him.

Notes:

Comments and Kudos are very appreciated! Please let me know if you see any grammar or spelling mistakes!