Chapter Text
"Come on, Vic," Malevola says, grabbing Victors hand. The way he's staring at Robert curled up in Flambae's lap, eyes wide, is starting to worry Malevola. He looks stressed, and that's exactly the kind of thing that could lead to him relapsing.
Sonar's been trying so hard, so Malevola can't risk it. He resists at first when she starts to drag him away from Robert, but Malevola is stronger.
"Someone's gotta watch Robert," Victor protests. It's odd to hear him not giving Robert a nickname.
"They got him, don't worry." If Malevola's honest with herself, she'd rather stay with Robert too. The way he was fighting in the bar, refusing to go down, made an impression on her. Seeing something actually take him out, leave him dazed and in obvious pain; it's worrying to say the least. But After the shit they heard about his living situation and the fact he's barely been out of a coma for a few weeks needs to be dealt with.
Placing a hand on the back of Sonar's neck, threading her fingers through the thick fur, Malevola leads him through the portal and out into the parking lot. "You good?"
Victor glares at her, but looks a little less out of it. "Fine," he huffs.
"Not gonna do anything stupid?" Malevola doesn't need to clarify for Victor to know what she means.
"I'm not going to do anything stupid because of Bobert." He gives Malevola a pointed look before quickly looking away. He's trying to play his freak-out in the office down, but it isn't very convincing. Mal gives Victors shoulder a reassuring pat.
They didn't discuss out loud who was going to stay in the break room, and who was going out when Visi sent them a text message. Splitting the team just happened naturally. The group that followed through the portal, next to Malevola and Victor, consists of Bruno, Courtney and Herm. Katon-Ur is floating down towards them too, though Mal isn't sure why he didn't use the portal. Phenomaman's certainly a lot weirder when you get to know him than just seeing him in all those SDN ads and the news. Also a lot easier to make fun of than she had thought.
“What's the plan?” Bruno asks, turned towards Courtney. “Have something in mind when you said we're gonna fix this?”
Visi shrugs. “Make his home less depressing and get him a bed or something. Maybe a lamp.” She crosses her arms in front of her chest, eyes flicking around the group. The suggestion is uncharacteristically thoughtful, so Mal assumes that's what's making her a little jumpy.
“I like that plan,” Malevola admits. The circumstances aren't great, but Malevola and Victor had a fantastic time furnishing their shared home. They found all kinds of great places to get things at a reasonable price whiles still matching their styles. And sure, some of their stuff may have technically been stolen, but does it really count if no one catches you? “Where does Robbie live? Best we check it out so we get things that fit what he's got going on.”
Sure Robert doesn't have a bed, but he's bound to have something in his apartment. Malevola does also just want to snoop, but that's beside the point. The good deeds they are doing outweigh the bad, so this counts as being a hero.
Visi pulls a face. “I don't know. Royd was there, but he didn't say.”
“Think this dude'll tell you?” Bruno asks. Malevola isn't sure who they're talking about, but if he's part of SDN, he'd likely disapprove of sharing personal info that could be a violation of privacy. Phenomaman seems to be thinking really hard, though Mal doesn't trust what ever idea he'll come up with.
“Uh, ex- excuse me,” Waterboy stammers, putting his hand up like they're in school or something. Malevola would love to know what his issue is. There's got to be something wrong with him, going by the way he talks and what ever it is should probably be medicated or at least looked at by a therapist. He's shaking like a tiny purse dog in the cold almost constantly, that can't be good for him.
“Don't tell me you know where he lives.” Sonar narrows his eyes at Herm, likely jealous of the idea that Waterboy's advances may have worked better on Robert than his own. Malevola doubts it, even if Robert's always very patient with Herm. Nobody's gotten any closer to getting things on with their Dispatcher.
That also means that their bet has yet to be resolved. Malevola's money is on Flambae, even if he's so deep in denial he might as well be drowning in it. That's also the reason no one told him about the bet. He almost burnt the building down when the team started talking about finding Robert attractive.
The way Flambae's been clinging to Robert after he collapsed is making Malevola hopeful that those 936 dollars and 40 cents will be hers. She'll have to share it with Alice, but it is a big amount of money. Why Katon put 400 dollars in the pot and bet on Herm, saying he's “the most physically attractive option”, isn't really clear to Mal. She can kinda see why he'd go for Herm, but that's still a lot of money. His loss though.
Waterboy hastily shakes his head, holding his hands up defensively. He's shaking a bit, like he often does. “Col- Punch Up sai- told me C- Coupe stal- follows Robert ho- to his f- flat.” He wrings his hands in front of his chest, water dripping from the gloves. “To che- see he get- gets home s- safe.”
“And they call me the pervert,” Courtney scoffs.
That sounds very in character for Coupe, the thought of her trailing in Robert's shadow making Mal huff in amusement. If Robert's into that kind of thing, both Janell and Colm get the money. Nobody was allowed to vote for them selves, but they should have set up a rule to keep Punch up and Coupe from voting for each other. That's basically the same as voting for themselves, since they work so closely together. But somehow, they got away with it.
“I fin- think it's s- sweet,” Herm says, face going deep red. “I- in a sta- stalker-y way.”
Malevola laughs, slapping Waterboy on the back. Her hand comes back wet. “Good to hear you're a freak too.” Herm stammers something about not being a freak under his breath, but Mal ignores it. Being into the idea of being followed home is pretty text book freak behaviour.
With her dry hand, Malevola fishes her phone out of her pocket, texting Janelle. A few seconds later, she gets a text back. Not only does Coupe send her the exact address, including post code and coordinates in latitude and longitude, she also lists what floor Robert lives on, which balcony is his and what roof offers the best vantage point to look into his flat. She also adds that Robert doesn't have curtains. Mal isn't sure those last points were necessary, but they're good to know, she guesses.
Portals make life a hell of a lot easier, but they aren't as easy to use as some people think they are. Malevola's never been in Roberts apartment, so opening a portal there from the SDN parking lot won't work. It'll take a few portals in-between to get there accurately. The last thing Malevola needs is giving one of Roberts neighbours a heart attack. People don't usually respond well to a 6ft 6 woman with horns appearing in their home through a rift from hell.
"Who's this Royd anyway?" Sonar asks. Anyone not as familiar with him as Malevola is might not have caught the way envy ever so slightly tinged his voice.
"He's the guy fixing Robert's mech. Don't ask me what he does, but he's good with machines and science stuff," Visi explains, waving her hands about.
Malevola hasn't interacted with that department of SDN much, if at all, but now she's curious. "Think we'd recognize him?"
"He's hard to miss. Look for the largest guy wearing an SDN shirt." Courtney waves her hand upwards, trying to indicate how tall he'd be. Malevola guesses she likely misses the mark.
"No," Victor exclaims. "Has he got tattoos and long hair?"
Courtney nods.
"We can give up trying to win Robert's heart," Victor sighs with surprising sincerity. For the fact that Sonar jokes about how he's obviously going to blow Roberts mind with the best sex of his life, he's very emotionally invested in winning their dispatcher's affection. But Malevola already knew that. "I've seen Royd before, he's huge, gorgeous and nice. Now you're telling me he's smart too? If he's spending a lot of time with Robert, we can forget it."
"You're huge too, that's literaly half of your power," Mal assures Victor, slinging a hand around his shoulder. "You're good looking too, people dig the fur and you went to Harvard. You're working on being nice too, can't be a hero without being nice!"
Malevola knows the last one is a bit of a stretch, since she's met plenty professional heroes that were huge assholes, but Sonar's better then them. Sometimes Sonar's idea of “nice” could be a little inappropriate and they've been working on it. Mal thinks she's got it in his head by now that telling someone their boobs or ass looks nice and like it'll fit well into his hands doesn't count as being nice. Victor really is trying.
Mal doesn't think Robert's dating anyone, he spends too much time alone to have a partner. But Malevola can't deny that someone fitting Royd's description would be one hell of a catch. They're all hoping Robert's down for polyamory anyway, but if he really is together with Royd, they'll have to rethink things. If the relationship isn't open, they should probably dial back the flirting.
“Do not worry, friend,” Phenomaman butts into the conversation, “If this Royd is huge, he isn't likely to gain Robert Robertson's attention.”
For a moment, Malevola thinks that Phenomaman's implying he knows Robert isn't attracted to big men, but then she remembers the alien's confusion about what counts as attractive to humans. Nobody's been able to get a clear answer out if him about what's considered hot to his species. Half the time the conversation comes up, Phenomaman ends up upset at the fact he himself is apparently hideous.
"Think you got it backwards," Golem rumbles, "tall is a plus."
Phenomaman and Bruno get in a stupid discussion about attraction and gender, which Mal tunes out. She's heard this before and Katon just keeps getting confused.
All conversations die out when the next portal lands them in Roberts home.
It's so much worse than Malevola expected. There's nothing here. Some boxes in a corner, a single lawn chair and dog supplies, as well as a cork board hung on the cracked wall. The whole flat is just a room with two doors, one of which must lead to the bathroom. It's more than depressing. Prison was less depressing than this. The air is stale and a little on the cold side, despite it only being autumn and Torrence not getting crazy cold.
"Damn," Bruno mutters. Herm has a harrowed look on his face as he just kinda stands there whilst Phenomaman mills about, his expression a mix of confusion and curiosity.
"This is dire," Malevola sighs. Surely Robert is getting paid, why is he living like this?
Sonar wanders into the kitchen and starts rummaging through the cupboards and fridge. "Not even any real food." Malevola can spot a couple boxes of frozen food in the freezer and what looks like it could be toast in the fridge. No wonder Robert's so thin.
Visi's stuck staring at the cork board covered in newspaper articles and blurry images. It looks like some kind of murder board, seemingly centred around Shroud, the leader of Red Ring. It's a little sad, that board being one of the only points of colour in Roberts home.
"Enough sight seeing," Malevola announces, "we have work to do."
They made a list of what to prioritize, a bed and blankets obviously being top of the list. Food's up there too, real food, nothing frozen. Maybe some spare clothes and other furniture to brighten the place up.
That had went relatively smoothly, everyone in agreement. The shopping itself however is a completely different story. They found a mall with everything they could need, trying to split up when they can to stop from overcrowding stores.
An argument breaks out about bedding. They hadn't even managed it to the mattress section and Sonar and Visi are going back and forth about what colour they should get for the bedding.
"Why the fuck do you think he's called Mecha Man Blue if that isn't his favourite colour?" Victor shouts, far too loud for something silly as the topic of favourite colours.
"He didn't name himself that," Courtney hisses back. "And anyway, he's not five. He's able to name himself after colours that aren't his favourite."
"How do you explain the fact he always wears blue, then?"
"The SDN shirts are just like that, he didn't pick that. Beef's collar is green, and so is his shitty depressing chair." Malevola agrees with Visi's idea of Roberts preferred colour being green, but her reasoning is a little strange.
"I believe Robert's favourite colour is red," Phenomaman interrupts.
"You're just saying that cause you're wearing mostly red," Malevola laughs, Phenomaman doesn't have a response to that. It's kinda sweet that Katon hopes Robert likes the colour he wears so much of.
They eventually settle on blue, simply because Sonar offered to pay for it.
Things go alright for a while, the team deciding to get two different blankets and a variety of pillows, most functional, some decorative, none matching in colour. Malevola likes the chaos of it, and if Robert doesn't, he can just not use them. Phenomaman contributes the most money to the purchase, seeming a little confused about the numbers. Mal and Sonar seriously need to explain finances to the guy. He's so lost.
Malevola finds a fun lamp that's more of a chandelier than anything else. It absolutely won't fit the vibe of Robert's home, but it will make the place a little more interesting.
“We should get him a big mattress,” Sonar says, “Firm too, that's good for bad backs, right?”
Golem hums in thought. “I feel like soft would be better.” Herm stammers out an agreement to that.
“Pretty sure I've heard the same as Vic,” Mal says. Too soft could be hard to get up off of if you have joint issues. The mental image of Robert getting stuck on his back like an upturned turtle is a little funny, but not anything Mal would ever want to see happening.
Phenomaman's flopped onto one of the displayed mattresses, staring off into space as they discussion gets progressively more heated. The personnel of the store have been side-eying the group more and more often. Malevola has the feeling they're close to getting kicked out.
“This is stupid,” Courtney sighs, getting her phone out and typing. “It says medium-softness is best for back pain.” Visi's been worryingly withdrawn for most of the time since Robert collapsed. She's not someone that deals with vulnerability well, so Mal guesses that's affecting her. It's still strange. Malevola would have expected at least a few jokes about Robert 'getting his back blown out' or comparing him to an old man.
As they bother the staff to help them find something that fits that parameter, Phenomaman goes off about how fascinating human sleeping rituals are. “On Urgot-52dc, we simply float to rest. I require a lot less rest than humans do, too.” Sighing deeply, Katon hangs his head. “It is rather lonely when everyone I know is resting.”
Mal squeezes his stupidly large and firm shoulder in sympathy. They have got to get this guy hobbies that don't rely on other people.
Halfway through buying and receiving the mattress, Sonar shoves the bag he'd been carrying into Malevola's hands. “I just had such a good idea,” he says, a disconcertingly devious look on his face. “Meet you back at Robbie's shithole.” He's off before Malevola can ask him to please not do anything he might regret later.
“Oh he's totally doing something to one up us and get in Roberts good books,” Visi says, shaking her head.
That seems to set something off in Phenomaman, who gasps in realization. “I also have something else I must find for Robert. Like our furry friend, I will be meeting you at Robert Robertson's home.” Nobody's got any hope of catching up with him when he flies off.
“I- I need- I'll be go- going too,” Herm says, going a concerning shade of red before scampering off.
“Oh for fuck's sake! Not you too, Waterboy,” Malevola groans. Now her, Visi and Golem are stuck with most of the shopping on top of the mattress they need to move.
“If you two piss off too, I'm going to lose it,” Courtney huffs. Mal snorts at the thought of Visi trying to move a mattress as well as several large bags on her own.
“You're stuck with me, baby,” Bruno laughs, bumping Visi's shoulder with his arm.
Malevola nods in agreement. “You're too tiny to carry a mattress.” Courtney glares at Malevola, but says nothing, face going a little red.
They absolutely can't get a bed frame if it's just the three of them. Might be best to let Robert pick that anyway. Just the mattress will have to do for now.
Getting everything home is a pain in the ass. The mattress is easily moved though the combined strength of Malevola and Bruno, but the other bags are hard to balance out between the three of them. Hopefully the other three idiots have good reasons for running off like that.
It's still a shock, entering Robert's apartment a second time. A sombre vibe seems permanently settled on the dark room, one they'll hopefully banish through a little bit of redecoration.
Visi takes the cork board off the wall, flipping it so its contents are hidden first. It really does nothing to make the place look less like a serial killer lives there. They drop the mattress in that corner, placing all the bedding on top. Visi starts arranging stuff on the bed as Malevola and Golem mess with the lamp she got. With a little work, they find out how to hook it up, light finally spilling into the room.
Sonar lands on the balcony just as the three of them discuss who should go buy food and what they should get.
Malevola already knows who's going to cook. Flambae always brags about his cooking skills, so he can show them off. She also wants to get him away from Robert for a little while, both for the selfish reason that she wants a turn holding him and because she wants a better look at how he's healing from the fight at the Sardine.
She'd felt the presence of those injuries when she tried to lessen his joint pain, but didn't take the time to focus on them. It's risky, trying to heal someone without powers. It puts a lot of strain on the body, and that's not something Malevola usually wants to risk. She doesn't want to do that to Robert either, but she knows a fair bit about injuries, and checking won't hurt. Did Robert even get himself checked out after the fight? They should have forced him to.
Sonar's sliding the balcony door open, carrying a couple things in his arms with a smug look on his face when the sunlight is suddenly blotted out, making him turn round. Floating in front of the balcony is Phenomaman, carrying an entire tree, roots and all, in his arms with a big grin on his face.
“What the fuck is that?” Victor shouts, voice higher pitched than it normally is.
“A house plant,” Katon announces. “Plants should help improve humans moods and air quality.” Malevola joins the two of them on the balcony.
“That's not a house plant.” Victor's ears twitch as he speaks.
A deeply confused look falls across Phenomaman's face. “Are trees not plants? Has the internet lied to me?”
“Trees are plants, but you can't bring that thing in here.” Malevola sighs, pointing in a random direction in hopes Phenomaman will take that as a sign to leave with the tree. “And we're also going to have a chat about what you can and can't trust online soon. The internet absolutely will lie to you, big guy.”
“Where'd you even get that?” Bruno asks from inside.
“There.” Phenomaman points to the right, perfectly balancing the huge tree in one hand. That direction tells them all absolutely nothing as to where he got it from.
“Just put it back.” Maybe they should do a crash course on human things with Katon, this is getting silly.
Phenomaman looks at her like a kicked puppy. “Is the gift inadequate?”
“It doesn't fucking fit in the apartment,” Sonar sighs.
“Go check on Robert or something, Katon,” Malevola says, “we got this.”
He floats away slowly, thankfully taking the tree with him
Visi and Golem volunteer to go food shopping. In the meantime, Sonar shows Mal what he got. He got Robert an electric heating pad as well as some better knives for his kitchen. Mal doesn't ask why Robert would need those when he clearly barely cooks, but they do look nice. He got a rather odd abstract painting for Robert too, neither of them able to agree what it's supposed to be. Victor thinks it looks like trees and a river, Malevola thinks it's more of a 'monster bird eating a snake' situation.
On top of that, Victor brought a pair of comfortable shorts, sweatpants and a Harvard hoodie. Malevola instantly recognizes the hoodie as having been part of Victors own wardrobe. She gives him a knowing look.
“What? It's soft and warm! He's got like two outfits, Robert needs something comfortable.”
“You just want to see him wearing your clothes,” Mal laughs.
“No, I don't,” Sonar argues, but the blush on his snout tells Malevola otherwise.
A weak knock on the door announces the return of Waterboy. Malevola had started to worry about his absence. He seems the type to get kidnapped, and as much as they like to poke fun at him, nobody's going to let that happen.
Herm looks particularly awkward standing in the door frame, tupperware in one hand, plastic bag in the other. He thrusts the bag in Malevola's direction before hurrying to the kitchen and setting the container of food down. At a glance, Malevola can tell there's some kind of bread in the container as well as what is most likely cake.
“You like to bake?” Victor asks.
Herm nods. “So long- I- if I don't make- I make things wet, so- sometimes messes wi- ruins stuff.” He's looking anywhere but at the two of them. “Made- Baked th- this yesterday, tur- turned out okay- fine. Turned out fine.”
Malevola looks in to the bag Herm handed her, finding a blanket inside. It's made of individual squares in tones of blue, yellow and orange. “Aw, that's so sweet.” Malevola fishes it out of the bag. The blanket's very soft to the touch. “Your gran make this?”
“I d- did.”
“That's cute,” Malevola says, fully sincere. Waterboy isn't exactly suave, but she can see why Phenomaman put his money on him. He's got an odd kinda charm to him. Malevola wonders if he'd made the blanket especially for Robert, the colours are suspiciously Mecha Man themed after all.
If asked, Malevola likely wouldn't have assumed that Herm knits or crochets. Maybe at first she would have, but getting to know him, he seems hugely interested in metal bands and nerdy stuff. But guess that's the skill set you get when you get raised by your grandma.
Malevola places the blanket on the bed. It fits well with the cover on the blankets already on the bed.
They find a place to put up Sonar's painting, after which Visi and Golem soon return. Malevola leaves them to sort things into the kitchen cabinets, portaling back to the SDN break room to get Robert.
It takes only two to get there, now that Malevola knows the way.
The situation is basically the same as they left it, Robert still in Flambae's lap, the rest watching him like he might evaporate if they don't. Alice is at least trying to be slick about it, occasionally pretending to focus on her phone. Everyone turns to Malevola as she returns.
“All ready to go on my end,” she says with a smile.
Fucking finally,” Flambea groans, pulling an annoyed face, “I've been stuck holding Mecha Bitch for far too long!”
Malevola laughs. As if he hasn't at least enjoyed that a little bit. “Don't worry, you can give him to me.” Crouching down in front of the pair, Malevola shakes Roberts shoulder gently. He looks motionless enough to be asleep, though she isn't sure how Robert, who always has the worst eyebags, could be someone that falls asleep fast. The motion wakes Beef, prompting the little dog to hop from Robert's lap and wag his tail as he greets Malevola.
“Wait, you're not hot enough. I should keep carrying him, even if I hate it.” Flambae's words alone make it clear how untrue that statement is, but the rushed way he says they certainly don't help his case. The way his hold on Robert tightens does his whole 'I hate Robert' thing no favours either.
“Don't worry, I'm pretty warm too and I don't mind holding him.” Malevola brushes her fingers through Robert's hair. “Hey, we've got to move.”
Robert looks up at her with the speed of someone who absolutely was not asleep. “I can walk, nobody needs to hold me.” His face is flushed and the words are still somewhat unsteady. There's no way Robert could even stand in his condition.
“Nah, I got you.” Carefully, Malevola scoops Robert out of Flambae's arms. Robert hisses between clenched teeth, immediately grabbing at Malevola's shirt to ground himself. Mal apologizes, keeping Robert as steady as she can as she stands up. It feels wrong, getting any joy out of this visitation, but Malevola can't deny how much she enjoys holding Robert.
Flambae gets up on shaky legs, the limbs likely having fallen asleep thanks to his extended time on the floor. He probably thinks he's subtle about it, but Malevola catches the dirty look he gives her.
Smirking at Flambae, Malevola steps through the portal.