Chapter Text
Tension had settled in the air like a blanket, and Saparata was already sick of it. The conversation that needed to happed wouldn’t have time to be possible if the two continued to just sit and stare at anything but each other, yet Saps couldn’t bring himself to break the silence.
The air felt delicate, as if even breathing too loudly could shatter everything that it held. All of the nights spent together, giggling just quiet enough to not be caught, every day spent talking and laughing and living. The thought that one wrong word, one wrong breath could ruin the 11 years between them was enough to keep Saps quiet.
In the end, like always, Flux was the first to speak. “Did you want something, or can I leave.” Flux’s tone was cold, the statement less of a question and more a demand. Saps pretended it didn’t hurt more than any betrayal ever could.
Saps opened his mouth to speak, yet the words his mind begged him to finally make known stuck to his throat like sugar. He glanced up at his friend, only then realising Flux had been looking at him. Flux stared, eyes hardened from years of words Saps had never been able to discover. The bedroom they sat in suddenly felt too small, too suffocating for their situation.
”We’re,” Saps paused, voice shaking and mouth threatening to snap closed. He took a deep breath, eyes darting away from the boy sat ahead of him. “Do you even…” he paused again, biting his tongue as if it would prevent the eventual truth from coming out.
Flux sighed, arms crossed and expression tired. “Spit it out.” He grumbled, rolling his eyes. Saps winced at the words, turning back to look at his once-friend.
“Do you even want to be friends anymore? Do you even like me?”
The words felt like poison on Saps tongue, tasted like accusations and everything that should’ve gone unsaid. They sounded like years of petty fights and stupid arguments. Like months of ignorance, of brushed off comments and ignored calls. Saps tried not to think about it, tried not to let them fester and rot in his mouth until he couldn’t recognise his own voice.
Flux scoffed, tilting his head to the side. Not how he had when they were kids, when their biggest worry in the worlds was if they had a spelling test or not. Now, he looked similar to how a predator would look as it cornered its prey. “Why would you ever think that?”
”It’s just-“ Saps took another deep breath, a mix of anger and guilt and something he couldn’t quite name boiling in his chest, “you never make any effort to see me, it’s always me making plans or asking to hang out.”
Saparata took a moment to breathe, but continued talking before Flux could get a word in. “You never answer my calls and when you do you hardly ever sound like you actually enjoy talking to me. You purposely ignore me in school which would be fine if it wasn’t every day. It makes me feel like I have to beg just for you to acknowledge I exist. We’re meant to be best friends but I feel like I’m just following behind someone who wants nothing to do with me all the time.”
Once Saps had stopped talking me looked up, meeting Flux’s eyes. The boy stared at Saps blankly, impossible to read. Saps watched as his mouth twitched into a frown, seemingly processing what his friend had said.
Flux leaned back, arms staying crossed firmly across his chest. “Oh so I’m not allowed to be busy? I can’t have other friends now?” The words felt like an accusation, words twisted in between them. “I’m sorry I talk to people who aren’t you, I didn’t realise it wasn’t ok when it wasn’t you and your friends.” Saps inhaled quickly, attempting to clear his head and stop his voice from shaking.
”You know thats not-“ Flux cut him off, voice dripping with resentment. “No, I’m sorry that having friends that weren’t just you means that I suddenly don’t care about you.” He snapped, glaring at Saps sharp enough to cut through skin. Saps tried to ignore the feeling forming in the back of his throat, silently fighting the urge to cry. He didn’t say a word back.
Flux, for the 11 years that Saps had known him for, had never been delicate. He had never been soft, never vulnerable no matter how close they were. He would never shatter under the pressure, he wouldn’t crack when someone left, he simply continued through life. Fluixon was everything Saparata could never be.
Flux’s voice startled Saps back into the present, looking at his friend with the eyes of a child. “Look, if you’re not going to let me be a person, then maybe we shouldn’t be friends.” His voice carried a sense of finality, as if he had already decided when the conversation began how it would end. Saparata swore he felt his heart shatter.
Sucking in a shaking breath, Saps took a moment to truly digest the words. Eleven years of friendship, of ups and downs, of mistakes and apologies, of laughter and tears, ripped away with one sentence. His voice shook as he spoke, betraying any idea the other boy may have had about how much Saps truly cared. “Yeah. Maybe we shouldn’t.”
Saps gripped the sheets beneath him, knuckles going white from how aggressively he held onto them, as if it would do anything to fix what was already broken. He felt the bed shift below him, slowly looking up at the sound of footsteps. Flux stood by his door now, coat wrapped firmly around his shoulders. Saps looked away.
Without a word, Flux walked out of the room, but Saps stayed where he was. He didn’t move, didn’t breathe, didn’t think until he heard the sound of his own front door being closed. Only when Saps was sure he was alone, did he move.
Slowly, Saps curled into himself, the final words still lingering in the air. He pulled his knees up to his chest, pushing against his bed frame and cried. Messy, hot tears trailed down his face, leaving splotches of damp where they landed but Saps couldn’t bring himself to care.
In the quiet of the night and in an empty house, Saparata sobbed until he couldn’t breathe, until there were no more tears to cry. Until his voice was hoarse and sore, until all that was left was an empty space in his soul that had once been a home to another.
And quietly, in another house not so far away, another boy stuffed clothes into a bag while fighting tears of his own.