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Takina finds her sitting with her toes in the sand, backlit by the setting sun, gazing past the horizon.
She kicks her sandals off as she approaches, two iced drinks in her hand. Chisato doesn’t move when she arrives, though Takina knows she probably saw her coming from a mile away. She settles down next to her, grimacing at the feeling of sand pressing against her bare skin, as she hands one drink to Chisato. “Here.”
Chisato finally turns her eyes to her. They hold contact for a short moment, enough to make Takina’s breath hitch, before they drop to the offered treat. “Mm! Thank you!”
Their fingers brush as she takes the gift, and they fall a little quieter after that. Takina takes measly sips of her own drink—truthfully, she’s not a fan of pineapple, but it’s what’s trending on their menu right now and they had extra. Chisato, on the other hand, hums like it’s the best thing she’s ever tasted.
The sunset is reaching its peak now, golden rays flaring out fiercely against the sparkling ocean. It stretches on endlessly, a kind of otherworldly beauty that feels too good to be true. At least, that is what Chisato always says when she’s talking about it.
She’s not wrong in any sense—the sunset is beautiful, as are most things with their current life, but Takina simply finds other things more compelling to stare at.
“Takina,” Chisato says, snapping her attention over. She’s already halfway through her drink and is stirring the straw around aimlessly, the ice cubes making little clinking noises against the glass. “Do you ever regret leaving your old life behind?”
“That’s a loaded question,” Takina shoots back dryly. “You mean as a Lycoris, or as a waitress?”
“Just… in general. Life before moving here, just for me.”
Takina feels there’s a deeper meaning behind those words, if the way Chisato’s movements have fallen still and her voice has dropped low are anything to go by. There were months before Takina found her again, and whatever self-discovery Chisato might have gone through in that time is not for her to know.
“No,” Takina answers simply, honestly. “I like what we have here.”
“The peace and quiet?” Chisato wiggles her eyebrows, and it takes Takina a moment to realise that she’s joking.
She nods her head anyway. “Yes. The peace and quiet. And you.”
The words hang trembling in the air, like it wasn’t really meant to be said. Chisato turns and stares at her, ruby eyes soft and surprised, and Takina stares back with a growing lump in her throat.
Finally, Chisato tosses her head back and laughs. Takina’s eyes trail the length of her exposed neck, her ears absorbing the sound of her giggles, and warmth washes over her like an ocean wave’s kiss.
“You say the nicest things sometimes. If you’re not careful, I’m going to start thinking you secretly like me under all that,” Chisato says, a fond smile on her face.
Takina tilts her head. A bit of condensation drips onto her feet, and she tenses momentarily. “Not possible.”
“That’s more like it.” She nudges her, shoulders bumping into bone. Takina hisses in surprise and nudges her back twice as hard, enough to make her yelp and fall over.
Takina doesn’t think their days have grown stagnant, exactly, but it feels like nothing has changed for the past week.
Which she supposes is a good thing. No news is good news, after all. Every day, she and the others get ready to do their business. Chisato chats up the customers and Takina delivers the orders. They cycle around the beach on their break or just relax and chat.
What really bothers her about the lack of action in their lives, though, is that Chisato hasn’t tried to kick up a fuss yet.
It’s no secret that Chisato likes spice in her life, whether that’s via getting gossip from their regular customers or exploring another abandoned part of town. She’s the more active one between them, never afraid to go where the wind takes her.
And yet, recently, Takina feels like Chisato has grown sort of… drawn in.
There are occasions where Takina spots Chisato alone, in the pockets of time between serving customers or when the day ends and the moon is coming out of its shell. In those moments, Chisato always has a distant, faraway look in her eyes, as if watching something none of them can imagine reaching. She breaks out of it when she notices Takina nearby, though, which is always pretty quick, so Takina hasn’t gotten the chance to ask her about it either.
She’s not sure if she wants to. Chisato’s business is her business, after all. She’ll share it if she feels the need to, but there are some things Takina knows she’s not privy to, and she’s not about to pry.
It’s late at night, almost past one in the morning, when there comes a knock on Takina’s door.
They’ve been staying at this rundown, two-storey beach house that they managed to rent out with the extra income Chisato makes and money they have saved up from Japan. Takina has her own room, and it’s rare for her to get visitors at this kind of timing.
She thinks she already knows who it is, though.
When she opens the door, she’s greeted with the sight of Chisato in her pyjamas, loose fluffy slippers on her feet and her hair slightly mussed up, as if she’s been tossing and turning for a while now.
“Can I come in?” Chisato asks quietly.
Takina opens the door wider.
Her bed isn’t exactly the size for two people, but Chisato climbs into it anyway. She stays seated on the foot of the mattress while Takina crawls back to her original position, resting her back on the headboard.
Meanwhile, Chisato is digging her fingers into her blanket, squeezing and releasing restlessly. Takina watches the actions with curiosity, feeling the air between them grow thick with tension.
And then Chisato’s lips part, a heavy sigh leaving her throat as she mumbles, “I asked Mika how long my current heart will last.”
Takina’s next breath leaves her lungs shuddering. “…Oh.”
It’s not that she’s never thought about it either. Going from one artificial heart to the next, a transplant from person to person, it’s reasonable to assume that there would be certain after effects, at the very least. But Chisato hasn’t complained about a single thing, and she’s been hopping around like she doesn’t feel a crumb of pain in her chest. It’s almost like there’s nothing to worry about at all.
Perhaps she was just really good at hiding it?
Either way, they know her current heart is meant to last longer and stronger than the previous one, but how much can they trust a dead man’s words? Chisato doesn’t talk much about Yoshimatsu, but Takina’s feelings towards the man are less than pleasant, and she can’t imagine that Chisato sees him in the same golden light she used to.
“What was his reply?” Takina asks when she realises Chisato hasn’t elaborated.
She shrugs. “He wouldn’t tell me.”
“…I didn’t think Mika would keep secrets from you.”
“He kept secrets from me my whole life,” Chisato snaps, sudden and blazing hot. She tenses up immediately afterwards, regret seeping into her eyes. It probably slipped out without her permission. “Sorry. Mika isn’t my enemy. Everything he’s done was to protect me.”
“Why won’t he tell you, though?”
“He says it’s partially because he doesn’t know the exact number either. But also because he doesn’t want me to have a countdown on my life.” Chisato shrugs, her eyes falling shut as she leans back on her palms. “It’s weird to not have a countdown, though. I’ve been counting down the days to my eighteenth birthday since forever.”
Takina nods, unable to say anything else. She doesn’t know if she can muster up her voice.
“Anyway, he told me to just live the best life I can for the time being. I told him avoiding thinking about it is the same as delusion, so he kicked me out of his room.” She laughs a little. “And then I came to you.”
Flopping back on the mattress, Chisato’s arms hang off the edge of the bed as she stretches with a groan. “Ugh. What’s that supposed to mean anyway? I’m already doing nothing but having fun and lazing around these days.”
“Are you satisfied with that?” Takina asks, watching her carefully.
Chisato’s annoyed expression falters, replaced with something more thoughtful. She turns, glancing at Takina, and somehow, her gaze seems more piercing this time. Like she knows something Takina doesn’t.
“Things could be worse,” is the answer Chisato settles on.
Takina’s disgruntled expression must show, because she bursts into laughter, rolling over and clinging to her arm. “Takina! Let me sleep over tonight!”
“No way. You have your own room.”
“Oh, don’t be so mean about it~”
(Chisato does, in fact, spend the night. Takina spends hers watching her sleeping face—all messy hair and round cheeks, and her hands twitch in an effort to keep herself from reaching out and brushing Chisato’s bangs aside.)
“Takina, Takina, look!”
Takina gasps when a hand hooks around the crook of her elbow, tugging her along. She nearly drops the tray she was holding, though it was luckily empty, and she stumbles towards Chisato’s direction and wherever she’s dragging her.
“What?” she hisses, but her voice dies down in her throat.
In the distance, near the shore where the sand meets the waves, stands two ladies. They’re in matching sundresses, and against the flaming sunset, one of them is kneeling down.
“Oh my god,” Chisato squeals, barely able to keep her voice down. “That’s so romantic!”
The lady kneeling down is still saying something, rosy-cheeked and smiling, but her speech is interrupted by the other teary-eyed woman practically leaping into her arms. They tumble onto the ground together, laughing, and when their faces meet for a sweet kiss, Takina has to tear her eyes away.
She feels like she’s intruding into something special, and her stomach does a weird little flip when Chisato wraps her arm around her shoulder.
“Ah, man. That’s a sight I thought I’d only ever see in movies.” She giggles, the hand against her mouth doing a terrible job at muffling the noise. “Takina, you should tell me if anyone ever catches your eye. Maybe you’ll get a cute beach proposal like that, too.”
“I don’t want a beach proposal,” Takina says flatly.
“But you’re not denying the part about someone catching your eye?”
“That’s—” She cuts herself off, face flushing. “That won’t happen either.”
“Aw, come on!”
Chisato continues ribbing her, clearly in a good mood after witnessing something so joyful. She talks about it even after they’ve made their way back to the truck, irritating Mizuki to the point where they break out into a small cat fight. Takina takes that time to escape, heading to the sink to wash some of the collected dishes.
Kurumi siddles up to her a while later, dumping another cup into the sink. At the same time, she says, “It sounds like Chisato really wants someone to sweep you off your feet.”
Takina scowls. Why are they still talking about this? “I don’t understand why she wants that kind of story for me. She can have it for herself. She’s caught plenty of eyes.”
Kurumi raises an eyebrow. “So you’re jealous.”
“Of the attention she gets? Of course not. I don’t want it.”
“No. I meant that you’re jealous that other people might come and steal Chisato from you.” She shrugs, as if she were stating a scientific fact, completely nonchalant about it. When Takina gives her a horrified look, she rolls her eyes too. “It wasn’t supposed to be a secret, was it? Everyone knows.”
“I—” Takina clears her throat. “Whatever.”
“Chisato probably hopes you’ll find someone else to settle down with, so that when she dies, you won’t be alone.” Kurumi wrinkles her nose. “I just hope she doesn’t do that to me too.”
With that, she skips away, probably to annoy Mizuki or play around with her tablet again. Takina stares at the half-washed dishes, her heart feeling like it’s going to beat out of her chest as she processes Kurumi’s words.
She finds Chisato by the shoreline again, when the moon is hanging high and the stars twinkle in the inky sky. She’s still in her so-called work uniform, a flower lei that she fiddles with looped around her neck.
This time, Takina arrives with no drink or conversation on the tip of her tongue. She only has herself to offer.
Chisato accepts her anyway. She waves at her with a blinding smile, and when Takina drops to her knees, she bumps her shoulder against hers affectionately. “Hey. Why aren’t you asleep yet?”
“Why aren’t you?” Takina fires back.
Chisato just giggles. She rests her cheeks on her fists, looking up at the sky dreamily. “I can’t sleep. I’m still thinking about how cute that proposal was! And the ladies were so elegant and beautiful.”
Takina hums. She wraps her arms around her drawn up knees, peering at Chisato through her dark bangs. “They were.”
“Right?!” Chisato exclaims, as if finally happy to have found someone who agrees.
Slowly, Takina dares to thread the line. “Do you ever want that for yourself?”
“Hmm? A beach proposal?”
“To find someone,” Takina corrects. She presses her tongue to her cheek. “…To be in love.”
“Oh.” Chisato’s voice grows more subdued. “Well… I don’t think it’s fair of me to want that. I don’t want someone to love me when I don’t have much time to give. I already know how much I hurt everyone just by growing up.”
She glances back, a distant look in her eyes. “Besides, I’m happy enough as it is. For a while, I was genuinely convinced I would die every day of my life. The fact that I’m still here talking to you is a blessing in itself.”
Takina feels her eyes pricking with something hot and sharp. She hates that Chisato speaks of her life like it’s already over, and that she’s forbidding herself from regular things just to avoid hurting others.
It just isn’t fair. But Takina doesn’t know how to put it into words.
“You deserve nice things too, though,” she mutters, looking away so she doesn’t have to see Chisato’s expression. She’s not sure she can bear it.
She believes Chisato was meant for a good life. Call it fate, or the tempering hands of humanity’s desperation, but Takina didn’t fight arduously for Chisato’s second— third chance, for her to live a staggered life.
She doesn’t know how many years Chisato has left. No one does, and the uncertainty is terrifying, but it shouldn’t matter.
And besides, Chisato is so easy to love. It’s what blessed her with the ability to breathe again, for even a mere second longer, artificial heart or not.
“Oh, don’t cry.”
Warm hands cup Takina’s cheeks, wiping at the beads of tears that are threatening to roll down her skin. She hadn’t even realised that they were there. It flusters her, but when Chisato drags her face closer, she doesn’t resist in the slightest.
“…This is what I’m afraid of,” Chisato murmurs, her own eyes devoid and tired. “I don’t like making the people I love cry.”
She presses a kiss to Takina’s forehead. Takina leans into the fluttery sensation, seeking for more, but she fears Chisato won’t grant it to her so easily.
What a hassle.
“I don’t care,” she starts, pulling away, “what happens to me when you’re gone. I’d rather mourn you than to let you die without knowing what it’s like to—”
She’s cut off when Chisato leans forward, as if guided by the breeze, and seals their lips together in a sweet kiss.
The first thing Takina thinks of is how much it burns. How much it hurts, to know this is temporary heaven, exactly as how Chisato described it would be. And then it burns even more, to have those careful hands wrapping around her neck and pulling her closer, making her savour every second.
Like how the sun kisses the ocean, it’ll eventually fade beyond the horizon, bringing its light with it and leaving behind an empty darkness. Takina knows, deep down, that between the two of them, Chisato will leave first. It’s no secret, and Takina is no idiot.
But for as long as Chisato is here, Takina can simply hope to have her.
“I’m sorry,” Chisato murmurs against her lips, pained and awed and horribly regretful.
Takina shakes her head, pulling her into a tight hug and pressing her face to her shoulder. “Never be.”
I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
— In Memoriam A. H. H., 27.13-17