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Sleep when the baby sleeps.
Technically, it’s sound advice. Not so much in the Shiomi household. Shinjiro learns quickly the newest addition to his family is just as clingy as her mother (not that he minds) . It’s more the part where she outright wails if set down for too long, so more often than not, she’s curled up against him or Kotone. Which makes the other very sound piece of advice sting harder.
Do not fall asleep while holding the baby.
Shinjiro can’t recall picking up his phone in the haze of caring for a newborn, but he must have done so at some point and said something very wrong, because Akihiko and Mitsuru are on his doorstep. They should consider it a miracle he answered at all.
“... What the hell is going on here?”
Mitsuru doesn't bat an eye, like a lioness on the hunt, she’s brimming with vigor as she spots her prey, “Good morning to you, too. We're here to help, of course.”
Oh. Oh great.
He can sense the lioness' fangs dancing around his throat, certain of her victory. He knows better than to get in the way of one of Mitsuru's interventions, grumbling as he lets them inside. If she or Aki have anything smart to say on the piles of dishes and dirty laundry around the living room, they do a really good job of not saying shit. Instead, Mitsuru launches off her plan of attack.
“Alright, Shinjiro. Go tell Kotone one of you is taking a shower. The other can show us what needs to be done.” Her sweet smile and crossed arms cue him to make it quick. Koromaru, the traitor, barks in agreement while getting pet by Aki.
Given how he and Kotone have been living in their pajamas, the chance to feel more like a human again is more than welcome. But Kotone first.
Once again, Shinjiro is left in awe of her. Her strength as her body recovered, far from one hundred percent, but gradually improving. Her tenacity when Rei doesn’t latch correctly or cries without a cause, especially when it makes her cry too. Her love, shining radiantly, whenever the two of them silently admire their daughter. Sure, they'll always have pictures, but being here, right now? Ephemeral and precious. How damn lucky has he been for his days to look like this?
There’s no price on waking up next to his wife. Even when she stubbornly insists on lending him a hand when she should be resting. Followed by her thanking him, like he’s doing anything special. Keeping everyone fed, somewhat rested, and mostly clean is the least he can do. Well, that and feed Rei faster, apparently. She's made her displeasure at waiting on him well-known–gods forbid he heat up her bottles first.
“Who was that at the door?” Kotone is still half asleep, sitting on the bed with Rei snuggled up against her. Gods, she's so stunning, even with her wild curls barely held at bay by a headband and her bathrobe in desperate need of a wash. He can't help himself, leaning over to give her a kiss.
“Aki and Mitsu. Just a uh, forcible house cleaning visit,” he sighs. “I've got orders to let you get washed up.”
She stifles a laugh. “Sounds serious.”
“Yep.” He sets a hand over hers. “Lemme get her outta your hair for a bit.”
That cracks her grin, just for a moment. With some reluctance, she hands their daughter to him. “Are you sure? You can go first.”
“It's no worry, I'll help them get started.” He doesn't miss her guilty glance at the baby tucked against his chest. "And hey, do not rush.”
She gives him a tight smile. “Will do.”
Will do?...
He takes her hand as she gets up, sighing. “You know how Mitsuru gets when she wants to help out. Take a moment for yourself, okay?”
“Okay.” Her smile shrinks, but it's far more genuine. He presses a quick kiss to it and lets her go.
…He hopes having Aki and Mitsu help out today will ease her mind a bit.
~~~
It's a strange relief watching Aki and Mitsu focus more on their tasks than the infant in his arms. It isn't like he’s upset with them or scared for Rei or anything. He just feels better holding her.…
At least they're making themselves useful.
Aki makes quick work of the dishes while Mitsu listens intently as he walks her through how to feed Rei. It'll be about that time once they finish up with the kitchen. The laundry can wait.
Mitsuru skeptically eyes the tiny amount of breast milk in the bottle.
He groans and rolls his eyes. “Mitsuru, I promise you, this is enough. She eats like a bird.”
“Alright then. Understood.”
Doesn’t sound like anything but polite disagreement to Shinjiro, but whatever. He isn’t about to risk getting his ass kicked for being wasteful. Or making his wife cry.
When they retire to the living room, Mitsu proposes a few ideas for lunch while Aki practically buzzes from the couch. It doesn't take a genius to guess why. Despite the uneasy twist in his stomach, Shinjiro thinks Aki has more than earned the right.
He takes a breath. “Okay, uncle, would you like–”
“Yes! Err, please. I–I'd love to,” Aki straightens himself up, excitement palpable in that awkward smile. It's so terribly Aki; Shinjiro chuckles.
To his surprise, he doesn't have to coach Aki at all as he holds his niece. They don't discuss Aki's physical therapy patients too often, but he's mentioned helping everything from small children to the elderly. Who's to say he doesn't get the occasional infant or toddler? Or maybe he studied extensively for this moment. It's a nicer thought than assuming the last baby he ever held was Miki.
“Hey there, Rei-Rei,” Aki coos as she wakes up, sticking her tongue out and taking in his face. Then she does that content little stretch and okay, that eases Shinjiro's shoulders a little.
She’s fine, this is fine. It is entirely possible she recognizes Aki's voice, just like she did with his. He's made very good on his promise to be a great uncle. Keeping Kotone company and helping her out while Shinjiro takes care of cafe stuff, one of the biggest downsides to being the boss, by far. It's no surprise when Aki starts blinking back tears.
“G-Gods, Shinji…” he chokes out, wiping his eyes.
“Hey, c’mon. Don't get your snot all over her,” Shinjiro scolds, passing Aki a clean cloth. It takes him a minute to collect himself before speaking again.
“...Miki would've loved her. You know?”
Shinjiro sighs; of course. Of course Aki is thinking about Miki.
Miki has been at the forefront of his own mind since the doctor announced they had a daughter. Aki's missing sister, now a missing aunt. That sinking feeling that one day, Rei will see more days on this earth than Miki ever did. He prayed desperately to any deities out there that she will, she just–has to. To go to school, to learn how to cook with him, to wear a kimono, to go to festivals with him and Koto, to… live.
It’s such a desperate wish of his and Kotone’s that Rei's name even includes the character for life. But hopes and wishes only went so far.
Shinjiro rests a hand on Aki's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze, “Yeah.”
It’s a nice thought. A lively young woman with bright white hair, sitting between Aki and Mitsu, laughing in a voice he can barely remember. He can let himself mourn Aki's sister as theirs, for a moment.
“I'm proud of you, Shinji. I–I'm really glad you opened up to Kotone and–”
Shinjiro rolls his eyes. Is Aki really going to give him this spiel again?
“–And listened to her,” he finishes. “More than you ever did to me and Mitsu.” Aki’s tone sobers as he continues, gaze lingering on his niece. “You're a different man than when you left. I'm proud of him.”
Shinjiro thinks back to that man–no, that kid too.
A lanky, scruffy thing, just clever enough to get himself out of the orphanage on scholarship and into a dormitory. Always chasing after Aki. After Aki got adopted, after he got accepted into private school, there was Shinjiro trailing behind. He didn’t realize how much he could change his own life back then. He was just there because Aki was and someone had to keep him in line. He just had to summon Castor because Aki had Polydeuces, and he wasn't about to trust a fucking Kirijo to give a shit about a couple of orphans like them. Even if he had been starting to come around to Mitsuru, that all shattered with the death of Ms Amada.
A kid with blood on his hands. A ghost in his head. A chill in his bones. A toxin in his blood. A dead man walking. The sooner he got put down, the better.
Then that kid met a girl. Just as lonely and just as hurt as he was, who still offered him her warmth. She helped him rekindle his flame; he helped her sustain her blaze. They taught each other to live again, for themselves.
“Not all that different,” Shinjiro grumbles. “I'm still your problem.”
Aki chuckles at him. “Well, if that means I get to see my niece more, I'm alright with that!”
Looking at the pair does tug at Shinjiro's heart–she’s already so cherished. To that, Rei grunts, mouthing her fist, clearly more interested in food. “You wanna try feeding her, Mitsu? She looks about ready.”
“If that's alright with you.”
Can't argue with that. He fetches the bottle and lets Aki guide Mitsu–support her head a little more, bring the bottle closer to her–and they do just fine without him. Shinjiro finally lets himself relax on the opposite couch. Sure, he'd rather be the one feeding her, but gods, he could really feel all that missed sleep now and the couch is so comfortable…
Oh, and there's Koto. Wrapping her arms around him from behind the couch, placing a kiss to the top of his head. Her nectarine soap smells nice.
“Hi,” she whispers, there’s an enticing sweetness to it he hasn’t heard in a long while.
“Hi,” he whispers back, leaning back in her grasp. Aki and Mitsu seem too busy to notice them.
“You guys did so well in here, thank you.” She presses another kiss to his temple.
“All I did was hold her…”
“A very important job! You know how she is.”
Okay, she has a point there. He chances getting in one last kiss before their guests notice. Just like in high school, slipping away together to that persimmon tree in the courtyard again. Her little giggles afterward are what give them away, like always.
“There you are. Good morning, Kotone,” Mitsuru greets her warmly before turning back to feeding the baby. “How have you been?”
Kotone rounds the couch, gently lowering herself next to Shinjiro. “Getting better, oh! And thank you for the shower, I really needed that.” She grins warmly at their guests.
Her hair looks like she took the time to wash, blow dry, and pull into a low ponytail. Coupled with a loose pair of soft shorts and an oversized t-shirt, she looks clean and comfortable. He doesn't catch whatever she and Mitsu chat about, content to wrap an arm around his wife, pulling her closer as she chuckles at him.
Mitsuru gives him a pointed look. “Shinjiro. Go shower, lunch should be here when you're finished.”
“We'll keep it warm for you,” Kotone promises.
~~~
Soap and hot water are a luxury Shinjiro doesn’t intend on taking for granted anytime soon. Or just having a moment to himself.
Focusing on the water running down his spine. Listening to it hit the curtain and tub.
Might as well wash his hair, too. A towel dry should be good enough.
He throws on some sweats and a t-shirt. Aki and Mitsu won’t care, not like the neighbors when he walks Koromaru.
The mirror points out the pronounced bags beneath his eyes and stubble on his chin. Has it really only been one week..?
One whole week of fatherhood. Of being a parent.
He’s still wrapping his head around the idea. No, the fact. He isn’t “Dad” or “Papa” yet, outside of Koto's playful, one-sided conversations with Rei. Maybe “caretaker” when he trades off with Koto, kissing her forehead as she drifts off to sleep and padding quietly to the living room, Rei in tow. He's not her favorite parent, but sometimes a warm body and a familiar voice are good enough. And they go through the motions together–cuddle, change, feed, sleep–as many times as he can before needing to sleep himself or Kotone wanting to hold her.
Then he supports Kotone: snacks and water while she feeds Rei, an extra set of hands so she can eat or use the bathroom. He’s her partner in fatigued delirium and her rock as she weathers all the havoc her body waged against her. She’s doing so well as a mother.
He just hopes he measures up. As a partner, husband, parent, father–whatever, as long as it means he’s doing right by Kotone and Rei. They deserve at least that for the life they've given him.
…A polite bark from Koromaru at the door derails his thoughts. It seems like lunch has arrived.
~~~
It looks like Kotone picked out sushi and Mitsuru got them some of the best available in Iwatodai. Koto certainly looks content after months of glaring at every raw fish in sight. Best of all, it looks like they'll have leftovers.
Truth be told, Shinjiro is starting to get sick of the meals they prepared, and the fridge is noticeably emptier. The growing inevitability of going out for groceries creeps ever closer. All the more reason to enjoy Mitsuru's generosity.
She's regaling them about this new project Yukari was a part of and a TV show she and Kotone have been quite invested in. Between parenting and sleeping, they've been watching a bit of everything lately, so Kotone is more than happy to talk about it. Shinjiro keeps his thoughts to himself–Koto did not appreciate how nonchalantly he predicted her favorite character's death, and he doesn’t need Mitsu angry at him as well. Not that he has anything intelligent to add, exhausted and satiated as he is.
By contrast, his wife seems energized, speaking as animatedly as she can manage with a sleeping baby against her. Guests do tend to have that effect on her–an unshakable need to play hostess. Perhaps having her baby back in her arms gives her a second wind.
Still, he has to wonder how much is ‘elated to see their friends again’ and how much is ‘pushing herself to appear alright.’
…When are Aki and Mitsu going to leave?
~~~
“Sent to bed like a couple of kids…” Shinjiro grumbles.
“At least we got our lunch.” Kotone turns the A/C up and gingerly crawls into bed beside him.
He shifts closer. “Any better today?”
“A little.” Her voice softens from fatigue. “The shower helped. Bleeding less, I think.”
“That's good,” he hums. “And sorry. I didn't think they were coming by. Unannounced, I mean.”
Koto huffs a laugh out, shaking her head. “They know us, love. How ‘good’ we are at asking for help.”
Her face becomes more and more unreadable. He thinks he knows why. Her voice cracks. “And… and it's been…”
He lays his hand on top of hers. “A lot?”
“Yeah,” she squeaks, curling in on herself.
He wipes fresh tears from her warm cheeks; she leans into his cool hand.
Yeah.
“We can send ‘em home. Would you feel–”
“No.” She says thickly. ”I'm just being…”
“A mother?” he guesses “Who cares and worries about her child?”
Kotone sniffles, not meeting his gaze.
“I get it. I trust Aki and Mitsu, but it–it was terrifying letting them hold her, care for her. Even if I swear Aki fuckin’ practiced for today.” Shinjiro rolls his eyes. That earns a wry smile from his wife. “But that's what we wanted for Rei, right? Friends, family, people to rely on?”
She nods, removing his hand from her face to lace it with her own. Her voice is barely above a whisper when she next speaks.
“Shinji?”
“Yeah?”
“I wish my parents were here.”
He… he thinks he understands. The comfort of a steady hand, guiding your own into place. A home you can always return to. Things the world quickly tore away from both of them. Things they've had to rebuild with their own hands.
He squeezes her hand; she squeezes back.
No, their efforts will never truly replicate what was lost. But different doesn’t mean worse.
“More reason for Aki and Mitsu to smother us then, huh?”
She gives a small nod.
“Wanna go see them, when you're feeling better? Let them meet Rei?” Do her first shrine visit, not to ask gods, but her grandparents to watch over her. Feel a little closer to them.
She nods again. “That'd be nice.”
Fuck, that didn't help either. Maybe he should shut up. Give her some silence to think. Or sleep, like they’re supposed to.
Her lips instead scrunch in frustration, voice quivering, “I know what you're doing, Shinji, and I–I don't want your pity, okay? I'm–I’m f–”
She doesn't get that last word out before choking on it. He scoots over, pulling her in tight, she gasps sharply at the gesture. A shaky hand reaches over him, grasping him closer. Her head hides against his chest as her own is wracked by soft sobs, finally letting go. Shinjiro rubs circles into her back.
Maybe she’s still coming to terms with everything too. With how undeniably different their lives are now. It’s not the first time she’s swallowed down her own feelings, especially around their friends, but it gnaws at Shinjiro. Every time. It’s a bittersweet honor that she feels safe enough to cry—cry like this—around him. Just fuck…
He doubts his own tears will help. So he holds her tighter. Shushes whatever reassurance she tries to get out. This is about her. How strong she’s been for their family. How, despite everything life has thrown their way, they’re here. How okay it is for her to not always be so strong.
And he will remind her as many times as it takes.
When the sobs give away to sniffles, Kotone rubs her eyes “I do appreciate you. I know it didn't sound like it, but–”
“You're allowed to miss your parents, doll.” Shinji combs his hand through her curls. “It's alright.”
She goes quiet again. No doubt stuck between grief and guilt. If she wants to mourn, or apologize to him (which she really doesn’t need to) she can do it after getting some sleep. They aren’t in this alone.
He leans down to kiss the top of her head. “Let’s get some sleep while we have the help.”
“Okay.” She relaxes in his grasp, warm against his chest. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
~~~
By the time he's woken up and convinced himself to get out of bed, Mitsuru is already gone. He doesn't pretend to know what strings she pulled to leave work and fly out to Iwatodai on such short notice. It was nice seeing her. As an apology, she left a gift card he already knows is going towards dinner. Whenever Koto woke up.
That just leaves Aki. The sun set hours ago, so he's got the lamp turned on, painting a soft, warm haze across the room. Shinji finds them laid out on the sofa, Aki watching TV with the volume turned low and Rei dozing away on his chest. It looks like Koromaru watched over them before crashing out on the opposite couch. Fucking adorable.
Aki must have heard him when he left the bedroom. “Hey, grabbing a snack?”
“What..?” he whispers. “Aki, it's late. Did you take tomorrow off too?”
“No? Today’s the start of my weekend.” Aki smiles at him.
“Since when?”
“Well, I figured I should be available on a day you're usually at work, if you two need anything. Like today.”
That’s–pretty considerate, actually. It sucks he can’t just take paternity leave. Somebody needs to keep tabs on the cafe and they’re the bosses. He'll be throwing his apron back on in a month and taking over Kotone's accounting duties for a bit. It won’t even matter when he goes to work, Rei will still be waking up at night for months…
Out of everyone from SEES, Aki is the only other person who stayed in the Port Island area…
“Thanks, Aki. That uh, that'd be good.” Can't praise him too much, it'll go to his head.
Aki beams, “It's no worry.” He takes a second to yawn before asking, “Guess you want her back now, huh?”
Knucklehead. “Yeah, but... Want anything before you head out? Something simple.”
Banana pancakes and scrambled eggs; an old favorite of theirs. Shinjiro can make it in his sleep. His extra energy now means he can fix more batter for later. Plus a small dish of eggs for Koromaru.
They chat idly between bites. Turns out Aki has been looking at cats to adopt lately; he even shows Shinjiro a few pictures of his favorites. He seems to have a real soft spot for a skinny tabby who’s recovering from some extensive vet visits. He stares at the camera with wide, curious eyes as he hangs from the side of his cage, half his legs still in casts. Oh yeah, he seems like a good fit for Aki.
The clock passes midnight before they know it. Time to herd Aki out, otherwise he’ll never leave.
“Night, Aki. Get home safe, alright?”he says, ushering Aki out the door.
“Gotcha. Just let me know if you guys need anything. And bye, Rei-Rei, be good for mom and dad for me!” With a smile and a wave, Aki takes his leave.
Shinjiro returns to the couch, Rei squirming and softly whimpering in his arms. “Busy day, huh?”
He tucks the wisps of her hair back, rubbing his thumb against her soft cheek. “I've gotcha sweetheart. It's alright,” he hums.
“Aki and Mitsu can be a lot. Gods know they've given me plenty of headaches over the years.” He sighs heavily. “But they're damn good people. They care about you, don't forget that,” not like I did.
Curious gray eyes do their best to focus on him, just like the first time he held and spoke to her. Hanging onto his every word as best she can. Does… she want him to continue?
At a glance, it doesn’t seem like she wants anything else. Just… him? Koto is usually the one narrating to her when she’s awake, insisting he join in. Good for her brain this and helps with speech that–he read all those books too. Just…what is he supposed to say?
“Umm, thanks for not spitting up on Mitsu?” Not like she would mind, but he doesn’t want to imagine the dry cleaning bill. He has his daughter's full attention. Better keep going then.
“And… putting up with Aki. You'd think he was the one havin’ a baby, the way he's been acting.” Shinjiro snickers. “He'll spoil you silly if I don't watch him.”
Which is a lie. Shinjiro knows he'll be the one to spoil her more. If Kotone lets him.
He rubs his thumb over her cheek, her gaze still trained on his face. Maybe it's the handful of baby photos Koto was able to dig up of herself, but he thinks he sees more of the Shiomi side in Rei. The beginnings of waves and curls in her hair, full cheeks, and Kotone's lips, too.
Maybe she has his nose. Hopefully she'll grow into it, not break and reset it a million times like him. And her eyes. A familiar pale gray he hopes will stay. Would she get some of his height too? He chuckles at the thought of her sprouting up like a weed, dwarfing her mother. Another pair of hands Kotone can pester into reaching the top shelves for her.
Rei kicks her legs, as if begging for an encore. “W–What? You're not givin’ me much to work with here…”
What else can he tell her? The “what” probably didn't matter, it just has to be something he can blab about long enough to tire her out. He can try reciting cooking lessons or share more stories about Aki and Mitsu, but when he looks back at her, there is something he needs her to know. Something important.
“How'd you manage to be so perfect, Rei? Something so good comin’ from some guy like me?” He shakes his head. “I think you got all of that from Koto. Both of you are more than I ever dreamed of having. More than I deserve. But I'm not going anywhere. Koto and I will always be here for you. For as long as you'll have us.”
He chokes down the tightness in his throat, “Because I–I'm gonna fuck things up. And all I can do is try and fix it. And apologize. And if it's not enough… I'll understand, okay? There's nothin’ special you gotta do to make us proud. To make us love you more than we do.”
His eyes sting, but dammit, this isn’t about him. “But I wanna be worthy of you. I wanna help you be the best person you can be. Your life’s your own, Rei. I wanna see who you become.”
She takes a couple slow blinks when he finishes and stretches–wait, was that a smile?!
There was no way that could have been on purpose, right? It's gone as soon as he registered it, but… Oh, fuck.
A few tears trail down his face, for her.
He lifts her closer, whispering before placing a kiss on her forehead. “Love you, too.”
~~~
Everything. Aches.
Less than yesterday, but it's bearable.
Trying to fall back asleep doesn't work. Her back aches too much and her shirt is damp with milk. Shinji's side of the bed is cold and, of course, Rei isn't in the bassinet either.
…It's lonely.
Kotone swallows down the pang of fear as fast as it comes up.
They're not gone. They just went somewhere else in the house so I could sleep, she quickly reminds herself.
She's had to do that a lot recently. Coaxing her brain back towards reason when she didn't even feel like herself anymore. New and raw, wobbly legs and sore breasts.
But then Rei looks up at her or Shinji's arm wraps around her and the world settles back into place a little more.
She’s okay.
She can do this.
She’ll keep going.
Just maybe after a new shirt and popping her back first.
She opens the bedroom door quietly, not wanting to risk waking the baby up. Then she hears Shinji's voice and stops in her tracks.
It's soft, reverent. A voice usually saved for her. As she wanders closer, she catches words like special and worthy before he stops. Kotone almost makes her presence known, stopped by a shuddering breath from Shinji and a gentle, Love you, too.
Kotone waits a little longer before joining him on the couch. He still has those deep shadows beneath his eyes from this morning, but there's a hint of red to them and the ghost of a drowsy smile that says everything. She smiles as she curls up next to him, joining him in marveling at Rei.
What on earth did you do to make your Papa cry, sweetheart?