Chapter Text
Chain Reaction (n.):
In nuclear physics, a nuclear chain reaction occurs when one single nuclear reaction causes an average of one or more subsequent nuclear reactions, thus leading to the possibility of a self-propagating series or "positive feedback loop" of these reactions. A nuclear chain reaction releases several million times more energy per reaction than any chemical reaction.
It would be a falsehood to call Gojo Satoru a virgin. Regardless of the fact that it was a completely made up societal role, it was also just untrue. Maybe he’d never been fucked, or fucked someone, but that didn’t mean he’d never been touched. Satoru had just… never gotten the opportunity to go all the way. At most, he was only sort of a virgin. Like, maybe a half-virgin. Whatever. He’d grown up differently than most people; the clan had insisted on him being homeschooled, so he had lacked any suitable companions to experiment with during the period of his life when most people were allowed to find their bearings. He never even had a chance; even if they were distant cousins, they were still cousins.
His first true foray into relationships and sex happened in his freshman year of college, though most of it was spent in focused observation of how his classmates navigated potential lovers and partners. The best way to describe his experience was fumbling; sloppy makeouts and talking stages that fizzled out, but above everything else, The Crisis. It only took one house party full of muscled athletes for Satoru to realize he was pursuing the wrong people. Or, more accurately, the wrong gender.
All the information gathered by his meticulous observations became null and void right in front of his eyes. Mostly, it was relieving: at least now Satoru knew he didn’t have to keep psyching himself up before talking to girls. But then Satoru realized he had gone back to square one. He hardly knew how to flirt with girls, and he knew even less about flirting with guys: His best friend Shoko was a lesbian, Grindr was a terrifying place, and he’d spent so long convincing himself that he would eventually start to like chasing girls that he had no idea what to do when he was actually interested in somebody.
It was awkward. It was embarrassing, sometimes. Satoru found that there’s more straight men who seem gay than he ever expected. When he kissed a boy for the first time, it felt like the only thing in this whole convoluted endeavor (read: romance) that made sense.
But despite all the learning and growing as a person, confidence in his new identity, and above average good looks, Satoru was now well into his PhD in atomic physics with nothing to show for in terms of a fulfilling relationship. He had tried, of course, and it wasn’t like Satoru didn’t want all the sappy accoutrements of having a boyfriend. He wanted lazy weekend mornings and studying together on weekday nights, going grocery shopping together on Saturdays, and getting ice cream afterward. There were all sorts of mundane things that Satoru wanted to share with someone. He just hadn’t found the right person, and as time passed and he began focusing more seriously on his career and studies, finding a partner started to feel less and less urgent. He had plenty of time, right? That’s what he used to tell himself during his undergrad. But time doesn't wait for anyone, least of all him.
He couldn’t say it was all a bust. He’d had fun, built connections in the queer community, and even made a few friends. But that didn’t make the wanting go away. It didn’t mean he felt any less lonely, and it also didn't make him feel like he wasn’t missing out on something. He hated how empty his apartment felt when he got home. He hated how cold his sheets were every night. He hated cooking a meal just for himself, especially since he wasn’t even that good at it.
The entirety of the universe was made up of atoms, of atomic bonds. Stars explode, people are born, mass extinctions occur; it’s all just atoms, ricocheting off each other, looking for something to bond with. It was only natural, then, only the law of the universe, for Satoru to hate not having something to bond with, something to ricochet off of. He knew something had to change. He couldn’t keep up with this routine; it was driving him crazy. He just couldn’t figure it out. Even though a relationship would be nice, his life simply didn’t have the space. He couldn’t ask someone to keep up with him, because he could barely keep up with himself. He’d tried dating apps, but nothing stuck. And usually, he was too immersed in his own work to even notice anyone on campus.
But then, on a night where he’d stayed up too long drinking canned coffee and staring at a dry-erase board filled with his own neat scrawl (he didn’t care what anyone said, penmanship was just as important for STEM majors), he found his solution. Said solution was that he needed to get laid, needed someone to bend him over until he saw stars. The only problem with that, of course, was that he’d never bottomed before. And, actually, he was already getting ahead of himself: he’d never even had sex before. But he wasn’t a virgin (he definitely was), because he had touched someone’s dick before. They even touched his, too. They just… didn’t do anything else with it.
Some would call this an embarrassment: being the age that he was, and given the amount of polite rejections he’d had to give people. However, Satoru had never had any reason to ever be embarrassed of himself. Or, at least he didn’t have a reason very often. His friends would disagree: Shoko would say that he needed far more shame, and Nanami… Nanami would probably just scoff and roll his eyes. Haibara, though, was just an angel. Satoru had once (emptily) threatened to get better friends, but Haibara had said that it’s important to ‘keep oneself balanced by having grounding voices around you.’ So, fine. Satoru supposed they were a good group of people to have around, despite their questionable opinions.
Since Haibara's words always had a good amount of truth, Satoru went to his friends with his predicament. He kinda needed all the help he could get. Whenever he thought about it, it made him feel strangely apprehensive, and sometimes, even something dangerously close to embarrassed—that was enough to call in the big guns. The situation was… delicate. Quite literally, his ass was on the line. He had no room to make brash decisions. Therefore, the emergency council meeting of his dearest, closest friends was an utmost necessity.
—
The cafe was quiet, but their table wasn’t. They were a boisterous group on the best of days, but today they were particularly rowdy, thanks to the dilemma brought forward by Satoru.
“Shoko, please, this is important!” Satoru whined, almost begging for them to take his situation seriously. In their defense, it wasn’t as if Satoru didn’t often have outlandish ideas, but he was really serious about this one.
“Why don’t you just ask someone you’ve already been with before? I’m sure they’d be more than happy to help you out with your request,” Shoko replied, her tone suggesting she was done talking about it altogether.
“Like who? It’s not as if I’ve kept up with every person I’ve ever made out with,” Satoru said, pouting. ‘As if there were that many,’ Satoru didn’t add, but there was only one with whom he’d even bothered to keep in contact.
Nanami, who had been silent up to that point, began to look very pale. “Gojo, that was certainly a one time thing-”
“Nanami-kun, so vulgar!” Satoru cooed, which made Nanami turn away in flushed embarrassment.
“I’m sorry, Gojo-san, but I don’t know anyone who could help you either. It’s not something I usually talk about publicly, I suppose,” Haibara replied, the only one out of his three friends who looked even slightly concerned for him.
Satoru tsked, crossing his arms. “Well, so much for a productive meeting. I’m not even remotely close to figuring out my problem, no thanks to you guys,” he said, but added quickly, “Not you though, Haibara-kun!”
Haibara beamed, pleased.
“Why don’t you just go on Grindr, or something?” Shoko asked, exhaling a bit of smoke in Satoru’s direction.
“It can’t just be anyone. I want my first time to be special,” Satoru reiterated, rolling his eyes as he fanned the smoke away.
“And you don’t want to be like every other regular person and simply find a boyfriend who you can do these things with because…?” Nanami probed, sounding bored now that he had recovered.
“Too busy, and because no one can keep up with me,” Satoru replied easily. He had too many obligations and way too little time. Many called him ambitious, but even more called him insane. He hadn’t gotten to the place he was in life by being regular, though. And there was no way he was going to start being regular for something as important as bottoming for the first time.
“At least we can agree on that,” Nanami quipped.
“So, really, you need a friends with benefits type situationship,” Shoko said, like Satoru knew what a situationship was. Everyone but Satoru turned to Nanami.
“No,” he said emphatically.
“He’s right, we already tried that,” Satoru said, sliding down in his chair and sulking.
“I’m sure you’ll find someone soon,” Haibara encouraged, only wincing slightly.
Satoru groaned, stabbing at a leftover strawberry on his plate. He wasn’t getting anywhere, and he knew by Nanami’s pinched expression that if he kept talking about it, he was going to owe him coffee for a month. Satoru wasn’t sure if his bank account could handle such a hit. So he let it drop, and soon the conversation pivoted, Satoru’s predicament quickly forgotten as the table talked about assignments and labs and all the work that seemed to ceaselessly pile up from their respective programs. Satoru kept quiet, his mind still trying to figure out how to approach the task at hand. He wasn’t even sure why he was so fixated on it. He guessed that he’d just realized he’d never done it, and hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it since.
And… it wasn’t just that he felt like he was missing out, he also couldn’t stop thinking about how it must feel; he’d only had the briefest taste of what real physical pleasure could feel like. In theory, it should be easy enough to find someone to top him. But he wasn’t lying when he said he didn’t want it to be just anyone, and finding some rando off Grindr to rearrange his guts sounded less than appealing. On top of that, it seemed his friends were useless to his efforts in finding a suitable partner, too. Satoru shook his head, trying to refocus on the conversations around him. His mind, however, remained occupied.
—
After leaving the cafe that day, Satoru tried to distract himself with his studies, and it was unsurprising that it worked fantastically. The rest of his evening was spent reading for his dissertation with breaks to grade assignments from the class he was TA-ing, and that same trend continued the next day. Satoru hadn’t even had a chance to spiral about his situation that day when Nanami knocked at the door to his office, looking slightly constipated as he let himself in.
“Nanami-kun! To what do I owe the pleasure?” Satoru said, a little too loud on purpose, because it riled Nanami up.
“I’ve given some thought to your… situation,” Nanami said, not rising to the bait.
“You did?” Satoru asked, trying not to sound too surprised.
Nanami nodded solemnly. Satoru couldn’t tell if he should be excited or scared.
“One of my colleagues from a study group recently became single, and has intimated to me that he’s only going to maintain casual relationships until his course load lightens. I might have mentioned that I knew someone who was looking for a casual setup as well, if he was interested. He said I could give you his number,” Nanami said, quickly enough that Satoru almost didn’t catch the last sentence.
He tried not to look shocked. When he went to his friends for advice, he figured at most they’d just tell him what to do or not to do. Never did Satoru think that Nanami, of all people, would end up playing wingman for him, and playing it so well he’d found a potential partner in less than 48 hours.
“Oh,” Satoru began, feeling his cheeks warm. “Thank you, Nanamin.”
“No nicknames, please. And it’s no problem. However, I do actually respect this person, so don’t make me regret this.”
“Huh?” Satoru sputtered, his initial shock forgotten. “I’m amazing! What could go wrong?”
Nanami grimaced, and didn’t give an answer. Then he produced a slip of paper with a cell phone number written on it.
“His name is Geto Suguru, from my department. Doing his dissertation on Gothic Literature from the 19th century.”
“And he’s a top?”
Nanami’s ears turned red, and he refused to meet Satoru’s eyes. “He… gives that impression, yes.”
Satoru couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face. “How exciting.”
—
Satoru would never tell a soul just how nervous he was to text Geto. Nanami was always severe, but the way he talked about this colleague of his made him seem pretty impressive. Satoru wasn’t totally unfamiliar with Geto Suguru. Nanami had mentioned him before, always something positive, respectable, or responsible, and Satoru knew that particular study group was for mega nerds who felt the need to add even more study time to their certainly already packed schedules. Even though it was only going to be at most a casual, friends with benefits type of situation, Satoru still wanted to make a good impression and put his best foot forward. Chances like that don’t happen every day.
Eventually, after much typing and deleting and brainstorming, he decided on a simple introduction.
Me: hey! this is gojo, nanami gave me your number :)
Now he just had to wait. It felt impossible not to check his phone every five seconds, but soon enough he felt it vibrate, signaling a new text.
Geto (Nanamin’s friend): Hello to you too, Gojo. I’ve heard a lot about you ;)
Me: hopefully good things? 😋
Geto (Nanamin’s friend): Nanami-kun thinks you’re a brat.
The extent to which that single text made Satoru warm down to his toes was almost embarrassing. He didn’t even know what the man looked like, and yet he had Satoru giggling like a teenager.
You: nanamin is so rude to me 😔
Geto (Nanamin’s friend): You poor thing.
That was the beginning of something new. It was like nuclear fission and chain reactions, in a way; a heavy atom like uranium has a habit of splitting its nucleus into two smaller nuclei, a process which releases a large amount of energy. That spark, that atom splitting itself apart, propels those two smaller nuclei forward and helps them find their next target. If they can hit another nearby nucleus, and it splits as well, it creates a chain reaction. These chain reactions are fundamental in the operations of a nuclear reactor, the foundation around which everything else is built. Satoru felt that was what happened with Geto: a spark that caused a repeated and multiplied process, creating a continuous and significant amount of energy.
From that first conversation, they were off: the banter flowed easily, and Satoru found that Geto could easily keep up with him, firing back quips that made Satoru laugh out loud. It was fun, so fun, and what started as a few messages a day quickly delved into constant messages back and forth. Geto would send him rants about his early morning commute to his 8 A.M. classes, and Satoru would piss him off by texting him at noon informing him of how much sleep he got the night before (even if it wasn’t true, and Satoru’s fingers would itch as he waited to text him back, knowing he was only doing it to rile him up). It was surprising how easily they fell into a routine, almost strange when it began to feel like he’d known Geto for far longer than he actually had. Satoru became so comfortable with him that when he mindlessly snapped a selfie while studying and sent it to Geto with a comment about how physics actually sucked, he didn’t realize what he’d done until Geto replied.
Geto (Nanamin’s friend): I thought you said physics was the only field that mattered?
Geto (Nanamin’s friend): Glad I finally got a picture of you though 😋
Satoru’s brain slowed to a halt. Then he scrolled back up, looked at the picture again. His glasses were pushed to the top of his head, his platinum hair messy from where he’d been playing with it all day, blue eyes scrunched closed as he stuck his tongue out at the camera. He didn’t look terrible, it wasn’t a bad picture, but if he was going to choose a picture to send to Geto — especially the first time Geto saw his face — it wouldn’t be that one. Satoru clicked on Geto’s contact and looked through the pictures they’d sent each other to confirm. Surely, there was a more flattering pic of himself in there somewhere, right? Satoru saw a bunch of memes, Digimon pictures, random spots on campus, and screenshots of tweets. No selfies, no group shots, nothing of his face.
Satoru groaned.
Me: well… that’s embarrassing?
Me: also, i stand by my statement. physics will usher humanity into the future, unlike reading stupid old books
Geto (Namamin’s friend) Reacted to the message “also, i stand by my statement…” with 👎
Geto (Nanamin’s friend): Whatever.
Geto (Nanamin’s friend): Anyway, don’t be embarrassed, Satoru.
Geto (Nanamin’s friend): You’re a cutie, huh?
Cutie… Cutie??? Geto thought he was cute. Geto thought—
Before he could fully process it, Geto texted again. This time, with a picture of his own attached.
Geto (Nanamin’s friend): It’s only fair.
Satoru’s brain stopped functioning for a second time. He was beginning to worry about his higher cognitive functions. But… Holy shit. Satoru wasn’t sure what he had been expecting from Geto, as far as how he looked. Satoru liked to think he wasn’t a vain person, but the spike of relief that then quickly turned into a spike of something else when he saw Geto’s face for the first time couldn’t be denied.
Geto was gorgeous. Like, fairytale gorgeous. He had long, dark hair, with half of it pulled out of his face, save for a small bit of bangs. His eyes were shaped like a fox’s, dark and full of mischief. They almost looked amethyst in color, and Satoru couldn’t stop looking at them. His lips were pulled into a smirk, as if Geto was fully aware of how insanely attractive he was, and Satoru was fully mesmerized. He was like something that stepped out of all of Satoru’s wettest dreams. No, actually, Geto was more than he could’ve ever dreamed of.
‘I’ve been sending Digimon memes to the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen,’ Satoru thought, steadily becoming mortified at himself. The realization made him sit up straight, his body thrumming with low-level anxiety, but then he remembered that Geto had not been any less interested when Satoru talked about his guilty pleasures, or his “nerdy” hobbies. ‘Holy shit. Holy shit. Geto thinks I’m cute, and he’s beautiful, and he likes Digimon. ‘
Instead of spiraling, Satoru focused on thinking of a reply that wasn’t a string of curses or a not-so-subtle booty call.
Me: Jesus Christ
Geto (Nanamin’s friend): ?
Me: just not what I was expecting
Me: you probably get a lot of free drinks
Me: I thought all English majors had weird glasses
Me: like nanami-kun
Me: it’s nice to finally have a face to all these messages, tho ;)
Satoru knew he was rambling, but a significant portion of the blood in his body was not flowing to his brain at the moment. He scrolled back up, looked at Geto’s picture until a new message popped up.
Geto (Nanamin’s friend): Haha, likewise.
Geto (Nanamin’s friend): And no, no glasses. Nanami-kun’s are… quite unique, I must say.
Satoru looked at his picture again. ‘Fuck, he has gauges too.’ Suddenly, the fact that they’d never hung out in person seemed like an absolute crime. Satoru needed to do something to remedy that immediately.
Me: speaking of nanami-kun, we’re all getting together this weekend to grab some beers. wanna come?
He hoped the message came across as casual, nonchalant, and not so obviously you’re hot and I want to see you. He already liked Geto for his personality, but now he knew that Geto looked like a walking wet dream, and maybe it put things into perspective a bit. Like how it was actually insane that he had this gorgeous man’s attention and hadn’t put his mouth on him yet. He scrolled back up, looked at Geto’s picture as he waited for a reply.
Geto (Nanamin’s friend): Sounds fun. Count me in.
—
Satoru refused to let himself feel nervous about seeing Geto for the first time. He tried to tell himself that it didn’t really mean anything; just a mutual friend joining their casual weekend hangout. Nanami was happy to hear Geto would be joining them when Satoru informed the rest of the group, and Shoko even suggested Nanami invite another girl from his study group, Utahime.
It would be fun, and Satoru would be able to hang out with Geto without the pressure of it being a one-on-one interaction. There was really no reason to be nervous, no reason to overthink things. There was also no reason to make sure his outfit was a bit more put together than usual, or getting ready far earlier than he needed. So. Fine. Maybe he was nervous. Or just excited. Definitely excited. A small part of his brain tried to find the catch; maybe Geto was super short? Or maybe he had a small dick? Or part of a cult? Maybe he was a serial killer who used his gorgeous black hair to lure naive physicists to their untimely deaths. But… Surely Nanami wouldn’t associate himself with someone so inscrutable. Maybe Satoru had just gotten lucky.
By the time Satoru had finished riling himself up, he realized that for all his preparedness, he was still going to be late. In itself, that wasn’t anything unusual. Very often, he was the last person to arrive at whatever the designated meeting spot was, but that night, he wanted to at least be close to on time. Not that he was trying to impress Geto or anything, but wouldn’t it be rude to be late when you invited new guests? Nanami was always scolding him for his poor manners. As it was, Satoru was almost guaranteed to be getting another lecture from him.
His outfit looked great, but as he hurried to the cozy bar the group frequented, the more disheveled he began to feel. By the time he reached the door, he had to give himself a few moments to reset and take a few deep breaths.
The bar was crowded, as it usually was on a weekend night, but it was still early enough that the clamor was still at a level suitable for drinks and conversation. It took Satoru no time to find his group, even with the new additions: Shoko’s near constant stream of smoke floating above the heads of other patrons, Haibara’s boisterous laugh, and Nanami’s almost inhumanly straight posture were like beacons for Satoru. He spotted Geto almost immediately. He had his hair pulled back in a neat bun tonight, different from the selfie he’d sent, but Satoru had stared at the picture long enough to probably be able to describe exactly how Geto’s hair looked from any angle. He hurried to the table, letting the wake of nerves and excitement carry him to the empty seat waiting for him, right across from Geto, no less.
“Gojo-san!” Haibara greeted, leaning forward to wave at him.
A chorus of greetings followed from the rest, which Satoru barely acknowledged in his effort to not stare at Geto. His presence felt like sitting too close to a space heater; if Satoru reached out, he could easily touch it, but would undoubtedly get burned. With great effort, Satoru greeted everyone and took his seat before looking across to Geto, smiling.
“I’m glad you could make it, Geto-sama,” Satoru teased, earning himself a little kick under the table from Nanami beside him.
“It’s good to see you, Satoru,” Geto replied smoothly, smirking.
It shouldn’t have done anything to Satoru, Geto saying his given name. They’d taken to calling each other their given names through text, but hearing Geto say it… Satoru wasn’t sure he’d ever heard his name sound like that. Geto’s voice was silky smooth, melodic, and Satoru was once again shocked by this being their first meeting. He wanted Geto to talk more, just to hear him again; Satoru would settle for Geto reading the phone book if it meant hearing his hypnotic voice.
Realizing he’d been staring, Satoru looked away and cleared his throat. “It’s good to see you, too,” he said weakly, feeling shy and unbalanced and a little turned on.
He wanted Geto to himself, regretting immediately for suggesting a group hangout. His attention was scattered; Haibara was shouting at him over Nanami’s head, Nanami momentarily snagged Geto and Utahime’s attention to talk about their study group, and Shoko was calling out for another round. In between the overstimulation, he tried to stop staring at Geto. He really was gorgeous; the picture hadn’t done him any justice, which was insane. Geto was all sharp lines, from the cut of his jaw to the slope of his nose, his thin eyebrows, and his intense eyes. He was wearing rings on his thick fingers, the silver contrasting with his skin beautifully, and Satoru tried not to choke on his own spit as he imagined what other uses the digits had, what other skills they possessed.
In a bid to stop the blood flow to his groin, he tried to tune into whatever conversation was going on at the rest of the table. Shoko was explaining her shifts in the morgue to an enraptured Utahime, who hadn’t even bothered to greet Satoru in favor of watching Shoko twirl her cigarette around as she spoke. Satoru would ask her about that later. Namami and Haibara were talking about something that happened at the bakery Namami worked at on the weekends. Nanami was, as usual, oblivious to how Haibara clung to his every word. When he looked back at Geto, he noticed two things: one, that Geto was already looking at him, and two, someone had put a drink in front of him.
“I ordered for you before you got here, I hope that’s ok?” Geto asked, the smile forming on his face polite, but his eyes stayed focused on Satoru, sharp.
“Oh,” Satoru said dumbly, staring at the fruity cocktail, and then, “Thank you, Geto-san.”
Satoru couldn’t stop himself from feeling a little shy, reverting to a level of unnecessary politeness. Geto snorted, a sound that Satoru found unfairly cute.
“Please, just call me Suguru. I’m used to it from our texts anyway,” Geto— no, Suguru stated, shrugging.
It was then that it clicked for Satoru; this wasn’t just the most insanely attractive man he’d ever laid eyes on, this was also Suguru, a friend that he’d been messing around with over text for the past couple of weeks. All of that shyness and nerves started to dissipate, much to Satoru’s relief.
Sighing dramatically, Satoru leaned back in his seat, feeling much more relaxed. “And yet Nanami-kun still won’t let me call him Kento,” he whined, crossing his arms to complete the effect.
Satoru got the reaction he wanted, which was Nanami’s eye subtly twitching as he side-eyed Satoru.
“We are not close,” Nanami said simply.
“Aw, Nanami-kun, you know you shouldn’t be so hard on Satoru,” Suguru quipped, right as Satoru’s mouth opened to reply.
Nanami’s ears turned red.
Satoru’s open mouth quickly turned into a grin, which probably looked close to feral. He already knew Suguru was funny and quick-witted; the number of times that Satoru had found himself laughing out loud from Suguru’s texts was too many to count on two hands. But the ease with which he slid into teasing Nanami, in exactly the way that would fluster him the most, and the laughs Suguru received from the rest of the group made something warm blossom in Satoru’s chest.
The conversation flowed freely from then, and Satoru was positive that he’d never laughed as hard in his life as he did from each of Suguru’s quips and jokes. It was obvious that the rest of his group loved Suguru, too. Even Nanami had sported a smile on his face a few times. Satoru couldn’t help but be in awe of the man across from him, how seamlessly he fit in with his friends, and how much fun they were having. Satoru’s cheeks felt warm from the alcohol, and he probably looked like a schoolgirl with a terrible crush as he watched Suguru.
Even though it had felt like a short time, eventually Shoko and Utahime announced they would be going home. Haibara offered to walk with them, but Shoko assured him that she and Utahime would make it back just fine. Satoru could’ve stayed longer, but then he was reminded of what he could be doing instead (and with whom), and decided instead it was time to make his move. Steeling himself, but trying to put on a front of nonchalance, Satoru turned to Suguru once the girls had left.
“Suguru, you live close to campus too, right? Do you want to split a taxi?”
Suguru’s smile widened, a flash of something dancing in his dark eyes.
“I wouldn’t mind at all. It’s getting kind of late anyway,” Suguru replied.
By the time he and Suguru made it out of the bar, Satoru didn’t even remember if he’d properly said goodbye to Haibara and Nanami. Though even if he hadn’t, he was sure Suguru had, so he instead focused on the new task at hand.
“I, um, don’t actually know if you live close to campus,” Satoru began, some of that previous shyness coming back. How bold of me, he thought.
Satoru, though demanding by nature, had never been the one to dictate these kinds of things. He liked letting the other party take the lead, but something about Suguru made him feel like he needed to jump at any and every opportunity that presented itself. He didn’t want to let Suguru slip through his fingers.
“I know,” Suguru replied easily, grinning again. “Let me know if I’m reading this wrong, but you’re asking me to come back to yours, right?”
Satoru flushed despite being pleased. “Yeah, if you’d like, of course,” he said, shrugging.
“I’d like that,” Suguru said, his gaze turning hungry.
“Cool, cool.”
The taxi ride back to Satoru’s apartment was tense, to say the least. Suguru kept a hand on his thigh the entire time, but the conversation was light. He told Satoru that he actually did live somewhat close to campus, but to the north of it whereas Satoru lived to the south. He asked about the classes Satoru taught and the students he supervised, but it was difficult to talk when Suguru’s pinky kept grazing the inseam of his trousers. It was on just this side of indecent. Satoru kinda felt dizzy. He was proud of himself that he managed to actually answer all of Suguru’s questions, and when they got out of the taxi in front of Satoru’s building, he felt something like buzzing under his skin. Satoru could only compare it to what Oppenheimer was afraid would happen when they detonated the first atomic bomb: a runaway reaction. That a rapid heating of the air from the massive release of energy from the bomb would not, like a regular chain reaction, cause a nucleus to split. Instead, they would cause a fusion of nitrogen nuclei, which would in turn ignite the atmosphere. Runaway chain reactions happen when there’s too much pressure, too much heat —Satoru felt like, at any moment, all that energy would be released in an annihilating flash. Like every atom of oxygen and nitrogen surrounding his skin was alighting, putting off heat.
The elevator ride to his floor was a blur, and it wasn’t until they were standing in his genkan that Satoru realized that he was really doing this. With the prettiest man he’d ever seen. And said man was looking at him with bedroom eyes, his cool confidence a stark contrast to the sudden nervousness that had struck Satoru. It was a relief when Suguru stepped forward and cupped Satoru’s cheek. Satoru melted into the touch, soothed immediately. Suguru’s hands felt nice against his heated skin, and Satoru wanted to know what they felt like all over his body.
“Satoru, can I kiss you?” Suguru asked, and Satoru found himself nodding before Suguru could finish the whole question.
Kissing Suguru felt like something brand new, as if this was Satoru’s first ever kiss. There was a hesitancy instilled in it for the sake of making sure Satoru felt comfortable, but Satoru would be mistaken to not feel the hunger behind it. It was slow, gentle to a degree that it almost felt chaste, but it was undeniable that Suguru was completely in charge. It was a heady feeling when Suguru tilted his head, asking for the kiss to deepen, his tongue gently pressing against Satoru’s mouth. His prior hookups (if they could even be called that) always felt a little frantic, and nothing at all like the gentle push and pull of Suguru’s lips, the way he was guiding Satoru open and making his nerve endings feel like live wires.
Suguru’s hands found Satoru’s waist, a thumb caressing the muscles of his stomach. Almost deliriously, Satoru realized that Suguru might be able to encircle his entire waist with his hands if he squeezed him tight enough. Satoru wished that he would. It was too much to focus on at once; Suguru’s mouth making him pliant, Suguru’s body pressed against his, Suguru’s hands leaving scorch marks wherever they went.
It was easy enough to get lost in it, especially when Satoru tangled his fingers in Suguru’s long hair, his once neat bun now only a memory. Satoru could feel the hunger behind every kiss, but the pace was unhurried, like Suguru would be content to simply kiss Satoru until the sun came up. It was even more intoxicating than the beers they’d had at the bar, and it wasn’t until their kisses had turned heated and harder that Satoru realized he was whimpering into Suguru’s mouth, his erection pressed stubbornly against Suguru’s thigh. Every press of contact and every little bit of friction made Satoru dizzy with arousal, and all he could think of was having Suguru in his bed, immediately.
“My room, yeah?” Satoru asked quickly, wanting to keep the time his lips were off Suguru to a minimum.
Suguru just hummed, latching onto a spot on Satoru’s neck that nearly made him see stars.
They stumbled the short way to Satoru’s bedroom, discarding the nuisances that were their clothes with speed. He didn’t take his mouth off Suguru until the backs of his knees hit the edge of his bed, making him stumble back onto it.
Satoru’s brain nearly melted the moment he saw Suguru properly naked; he was surprisingly built, more than any member of the English department had the right to be, and he was huge. Like, he had the biggest dick Satoru had ever seen. Satoru was going to die. Or, maybe he already had, and he was in heaven. He couldn’t be sure.
Those thoughts were quickly dispelled as Suguru climbed back on top of him, his hands roaming all over Satoru’s body as he kissed him senseless. Suguru was all over him, grinding against him and drawing out wanton moans from Satoru, and Satoru knew that he could easily come like that, at Suguru’s mercy.
“Do you have lube?” Suguru asked, stilling his hips as he looked down at Satoru hungrily.
“Yeah, but I don’t– I haven’t–”
“It’s ok, I’ve got you,” He said, kissing Satoru again, but this time with a sweetness that made any and all tension in Satoru’s body completely dissipate.
“It’s in the drawer,” Satoru said once Suguru lifted up again.
Suguru leaned over, plucking the lube from the drawer and squeezing a generous amount on his palm. Then he leaned back on his heels, stroking himself for a few moments. A hiss escaped from Suguru’s mouth as he thumbed over the head, already a deep purple and glistening from precum.
If Satoru didn’t feel like all of the air had just gotten sucked out of his lungs, he might’ve said something. Instead, he just stared, mouth slightly ajar.
“Like what you see?” Suguru asked, winking at Satoru with a shit-eating grin.
Satoru groaned, about to say something snarky, but then Suguru was back on top of him. Satoru couldn’t help the whimper that escaped his lips as Suguru wrapped the hand covered in lube around him, tugging his cock a few times, before encircling both of them with one hand. Satoru’s mouth fell open into a loud moan as Suguru pumped them together. For a moment, Satoru thought Suguru was going to kill him. The sensation of Suguru’s large, warm hand stroking him up and down, and Suguru’s cock sliding against his own, was sending shocks of pleasure through his body, making his toes curl. All Satoru could do was hold on, wrapping his arms around Suguru’s shoulders. Suguru groaned into Satoru’s ear, nipping at the sensitive skin and then licking it to soothe.
“You feel so good,” Suguru said, so low and rough that it made goosebumps erupt all over Satoru’s body.
Satoru’s higher brain functions had momentarily ceased, and so in reply, he just pulled Suguru impossibly closer, whimpering as Suguru’s slick knuckles slid against his stomach. Satoru bucked his hips, feeling a sharp spike of pleasure as he did so, and pulled Suguru into another messy kiss. Satoru had been close to coming before Suguru had even properly had his hands on him, and now he was barely keeping it together as Suguru quickened his pace.
“Suguru,” Satoru moaned, near hysterical.
“What do you need, baby?” Suguru said sweetly, kissing Satoru’s face before capturing his lips again in a wet, open-mouthed kiss.
Runaway chain reactions. Annihilating heat and light. Satoru was more radioactive than Uranium-235.
“I need to come,” Satoru whined, “I need you to let me come, please.”
Suguru kissed him deeply, and Satoru moaned into his mouth, needing more and more.
“You don’t have to beg, Satoru. You can come. I want you to,” he murmured, right in Satoru’s ear.
Satoru shuddered, his whole body focused on a single point. He felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes as he came, and he might’ve shouted, saying Suguru’s name over and over, but he’s not entirely sure. His head was full of static, his eyelashes wet with tears, and he felt as if he’d just run a marathon. The firm grip on his now spent cock was driving him crazy, and just when Satoru was at the point of overstimulation, Suguru’s hips faltered, and he groaned as he spilled over his hand. The warm liquid splattered across both of their stomachs, and every grunt and huff as Suguru rode out his orgasm was so close, the sound of them so sweet to Satoru’s ears.
Suguru kissed him with renewed sweetness as they both came down, finally releasing him, and it lulled Satoru almost to sleepiness as they lazily made out. After a while, Satoru wasn’t sure how long, Suguru broke their kiss and brushed their noses together.
“Where’s your bathroom?” He asked quietly, smoothing away the sweat-soaked hair stuck to Satoru’s forehead.
“The next door on the left, once you’re in the hallway.”
Suguru slipped away, and when he returned, Satoru noticed he had cleaned himself and brought back a wet washcloth. Suguru made quick work of the mess on Satoru’s stomach, yet his movements still felt like caresses. Satoru watched with rapt attention, and once Suguru had finished, he looked up and smiled.
“That was a lot of fun,” he said.
“Loads,” Satoru breathed, still feeling like he hadn’t quite caught his breath. He looked forward to climbing under his sheets and passing out.
But Suguru was still out of bed, and so Satoru made grabby hands in Suguru’s direction, beckoning him back.
“I should get going,” Suguru replied instead, but he still took Satoru’s hands, let Satoru guide him closer.
“You don’t want to stay?” Satoru asked, knowing it was only fair and polite to offer. Not for any other reason, obviously. Certainly not for the possibility of a second round, later.
“Well, it’s getting late. I don’t think I should.” For the first time, Suguru was the one who looked a little shy, not quite making eye contact as he spoke.
Right, Satoru reminded himself, this is just casual. And really, what was he thinking? It wasn’t as if he was looking for something more, either. He wanted to be casual too. Plus, being friends with Suguru was great, and they were obviously compatible, to say the least. He certainly couldn’t complain, not after an orgasm like that. Which reminded him–
“I get it, that’s fine,” Satoru said, “but, before you go, can I ask you something?” Satoru couldn’t believe his cheeks were warm at the idea of asking Suguru to teach him how to bottom, after all they did.
“Sure, what’s up?” Suguru asked, tilting his head slightly, curious.
“Well, I’ve never bottomed before,” Satoru began, deciding that the best course of action was a direct approach, “and I was wondering if you would be down to… change that?”
Satoru tried not to cringe at himself, but it was hard when Suguru’s lips stretched into a smile that was an obvious attempt at keeping himself from laughing.
“I mean, if you’re not interested, it’s fine–”
“No, no,” Suguru said, letting out a chuckle. “I would definitely be down. I’m just surprised it would be your first time.”
Satoru scoffed as Suguru’s eyes dragged down Satoru’s body, as if pointing out the obvious.
“I just never got the chance, I guess,” Satoru mumbled, crossing his arms.
“Don’t take it the wrong way,” Suguru said, amusement plain on his face as he came to sit next to Satoru on the bed, his thumb rubbing at Satoru’s ruddy cheek. “You’re just really quite pretty.”
“Stop,” Satoru grumbled, averting his eyes, but he knew his flush was giving him away.
“Hey,” Suguru said gently, taking Satoru’s chin and turning him back to face him, his dark eyes full of intention. “I’ll do it,” Suguru said quietly, which made a familiar warmth bloom in his stomach.
“Ok,” Satoru replied, just as quiet, unconsciously licking his lips but not missing how Suguru’s eyes followed the movement.
“However,” Suguru continued, “I think we’ll need some practice first.”
“Practice?”
“Yeah. I wouldn’t want to rush your first time, right? We need to figure out what you like, how your body reacts to my fingers or… other things. We’d have to be thorough.” Suguru said, brushing his thumb over Satoru’s cheekbone, over the blush that had now spread to his ears.
Satoru couldn’t find a single fault in that logic. He was a man of science, after all; it was imperative to test your hypothesis.
“Ok, yeah, that sounds good,” Satoru replied, barely over a whisper. He felt rooted to the spot, trapped by Suguru’s dark eyes.
“Great,” Suguru murmured, and in the next second he was kissing Satoru, one of those completely disarming kisses that made Satoru want to take yet another tumble in bed.
Just as quickly as he’d kissed him, Suguru was getting out of bed again, picking up his discarded shirt from the floor.
“I’ll text you, ok?” Suguru said once he was dressed, a hand on the bedroom door.
Satoru nodded, a little dazed, and Suguru shot him a winning smile before slipping out. A few moments later, Satoru heard the front door close softly, and Suguru was gone.
The knowledge of that had Satoru deflating like a popped balloon, and he collapsed back on his bed, taking a deep breath.
He was going to have to send Nanami a fruit basket.