Archive of Our Own

Johnny’s life, as he knows it, ends on a Thursday at 12:15pm. 

He isn’t expecting it, though he supposes no one ever is, because the day up until that exact moment is good. Great even. No traffic, perfect latte, sun shining, and now he’s eating a fat stack of french toast on the side of his garden burger. 

Jaehyun made a joke about the day being too perfect. “Something is bound to go wrong,” he said. Looking back, that should have been the sign to go ahead and quit while he was ahead. Looking back, he might even be able to find Jaehyun wholly responsible for what happens next—for speaking it into existence. 

Across the room, unbeknownst to Johnny, Donghyuck enters the cafeteria through the wide double doors, swiping his meal card before weaving through the bustling cafeteria. Mark is the first one to notice him as he approaches and he waves excitedly since normally Donghyuck eats with their other, younger group of friends. 

His hand flailing in the air is what catches Johnny’s attention, but the determined look on Donghyuck’s face is what keeps it, mostly because it’s focused on Johnny himself. Ignoring Mark and everyone else at the table, Donghyuck walks straight up to Johnny. He pulls out a scrap of paper from his pocket and thwacks it down on the table next to a little puddle created by the syrup migrating off Johnny’s plate. 

Johnny looks at the paper then back up to Donghyuck, who straightens to his full height—all five feet six inches—and smiles, though there's an edge to it. “I’ll come by around seven tomorrow, okay hyung?” 

Johnny opens his mouth to respond, but Donghyuck is already turning around on his heel and walking away, straight back out the exit.

“What the fuck just happened?” Mark’s frowning at Johnny, like it’s his fault Donghyuck ignored him. 

“I don’t know,” Johnny says, and it’s the truth. 

In the corner Yuta opens his still full mouth, crumbs falling on his jacket. “He left without eating… What did he give you?”

Johnny looks down at the paper, not actually a scrap like he originally thought, but a carefully cut square of printer paper. The side facing up at his reads: I.O.U. in pretty pink ink. He tries to think what Donghyuck could possibly owe him but nothing comes to mind. “It’s an I.O.U,” he says with a frown.

Jaehyun reaches across to pick it up, leaning into Johnny’s space and turns the paper over to reveal the message on the back. “Dudeeee,” Jaehyun says, laughing a little but looking impressed. The others lean in. 

“What does it say?”

“What’s it for?”

Johnny gulps. 

“It says, ‘de-virginizing’.”  Jaehyun waggles his eyebrows and drags out the ‘d’ so it’s more like ‘deeeeee-virginizing’.

The table goes silent except for Mark, who makes a noise that can only be described as a squawk. Johnny doesn’t pay any attention, eyes glued on the paper, handwritten in swirling script and taunting him. This cannot be happening. He thinks. 

Except it is.

Four years ago, when Johnny was a freshman in college, he’d come home for winter break to find not just one scrawny sixteen year old boy, but two; one of them his younger brother Mark, and the second, his new best friend, Donghyuck. 

It wasn’t surprising, to find out golden hearted Mark learned about the new, totally friendless student who’d transferred in his second-to-last year because of his parents’ work and decided to be their friend; what’s surprising is everything else. 

While Mark was mellow and generally kind of quiet, Donghyuck was high maintenance and LOUD. Mark was prone to bouts of self isolation and goofiness, Donghyuck was a social butterfly and  smooth talker. Donghyuck was different from Mark’s other friends, pensive Jeno and bookish Yeri. He had a presence about him, a presence that Johnny would come to be very familiar with, as apparently, Donghyuck would be spending Christmas with them while his parents were off on an adults-only cruise. 

(Adults-only sounds like a really nice way to say ‘swingers’! Ten said when he texted the group chat and Johnny had to google it before he responded: gross!) 

Mark introduced Donghyuck to Johnny with the shy smile of someone who really wants their big brother's approval and the apprehension of someone who knows that it might be an uphill battle to get it. “Hyung, this is my friend Donghyuck.”

Donghyuck snorted at Mark and stuck his hand out for Johnny to shake, strangely formal for someone his age. “He means his best friend, hyung. Lee Donghyuck, at your service.”

Johnny simply laughed and looked at Mark like ‘is he for real?’.

“Hyuck! Don’t be so familiar.” He punched his friend's side, but Donghyuck just squirmed away, smiling like it was funny.

“Mark, it’s okay. Hyung doesn’t mind, right?” He looked at Johnny with his big brown doe eyes and Johnny found himself agreeing easily. 

“A friend of Markie’s is a friend of mine.”

And Donghyuck cackled, wide and bright, teeth shining against his pink lips and his baby fat cheeks, tan even in the middle of winter. 

“Markie! That’s a good one…our Markie!”

That first night there were catch-ups, puppy piles on the couch, and so much of his mom’s home cooking that when Johnny stumbled up to his room, collapsing into fresh sheets that smelled like home, he was asleep before he hit the pillow.

He slept like the dead and woke to find almost everyone was out. He took a mug of the absolute swill that his dad called coffee back to his room and laid in bed for another few hours before finally showering and settling in to watch a movie on the couch. After that he ate lunch and migrated back to his room. He wasn’t sure where his brother and his new friend were, but their parents were out puttering around, shopping, and he found he didn’t mind the solitude. 

It wasn’t until the third day of the two week break that they all came together. His mom called him down early for breakfast, a full spread on their small kitchen table; french toast, bacon, eggs, and a vat of syrup to drench over it. 

Not long after Johnny, Mark and Donghyuck follow, Mark in his matching pajamas from their grandma and Donghyuck wearing what amounted to be an Avengers themed onesie complete with footies, only perking up when they saw the food.

Breakfast turned out to be a bribe. Their mom had a laundry list of errands for them to run; dry cleaning pick up, grocery shopping (with a list so specific he felt a little insulted), a bakery run, and a preventative salting of the sidewalk and driveway ahead of the storm coming in. The boys all groaned when they saw the list, Johnny included, until he got a look that made it clear he had to be the grown-up in the situation and he straightened up.

Once they ate, they got ready and headed out, starting a day filled with corralling two teenage boys and completing errands, but also with learning about the mysterious Donghyuck. 

Watching him was a lesson in duality. One minute he’s teasing Mark to no end for his lactose intolerance, calling him a baby, and the next he’s offering to switch their drinks because the barista made Mark’s frappuccino with real milk and his own dragon fruit lemonade is dairy free. One minute he’s running around at top speeds refusing to do anything but ‘supervise’ their chores and the next, Johnny loses him only to find him loading an old lady’s cart with the dog food she needs because she can’t lift the bag. He stole the aux cord from Mark and played everything from Billie Holiday to Passion Pit to hardcore Japanese rock. When it was time for lunch he tried to pay for his own meal, insisting he’s mooching too much, and when Johnny snuck his card to the waitress, Donghyuck pouted for a solid ten minutes. 

He made Mark and Johnny laugh even when he’s obviously trying to be annoying. By the end of the day Johnny could say with certainty he understood how Mark was swept up in the hurricane that was Lee Donghyuck, and Johnny thinks he’ll be good for his brother. Maybe he’ll even convince Mark to leave the house on a weekend, who knows?!

That evening the young ones were too wired to actually rest, so they claimed the living room for a late night movie marathon while Johnny traipsed off to bed, earlier than he’d ever admit to his new friends at college. Once he settled in, though, he didn't feel as exhausted as he thought, so he put on some weird show Yuta suggested he watch, waiting and hoping for sleep to find him.

The next thing he knows, he woke up with a full bladder, a dry throat, and a thankfully still functioning laptop despite the fact that it was now on the ground across the room. He took care of it first, popping it onto his desk, before going to the bathroom.

He passed the living room and stopped cold in his tracks. There, in the harsh blue light of the TV, watching as Jack and Ennis kiss against the side of a house in Brokeback Mountain, was Donghyuck. He looked tired, and he was crying. Not sobbing, but steadily, breathlessly crying. 

Johnny watched for a moment, as the tears streamed down Donghyuck’s face, unsure what to do, before he retreated along the hall to the bathroom. 

Afterwards, as he’s washing his hands, he caught sight of his own reflection. He looked younger, brighter, from just a few days back home. The contrast of his fresh, healthy complexion made the image of Donghyuck washed out in the cold light of the screen look even more worse for wear, and it occurred to Johnny maybe he should check on him.

He didn’t want to intrude, but leaving Donghyuck to cry all on his own, especially if what's wrong is what Johnny thinks is wrong, just wouldn’t feel right. 

I’ll just check. Maybe he just got dust in his eye or something? 

He tiptoed back to the living room, in case everything was fine now and he can just go back upstairs without alerting anyone, only to find that Donghyuck has vanished. But where did he go?

Squeak. The sound of a stiff hinge, the turn of the tap maybe. 

Johnny padded down the hall, and sure enough, found Donghyuck standing at the kitchen sink. There was a damp patch on the collar of his shirt, like he splashed his face with water in an attempt to calm down.

“Are you followin’ me or somethin’?” He jokes, moving to sit at the kitchen table, but his usual playfulness isn’t there. Johnny was struck again by how much older he seems sometimes.

 Johnny filled a glass with water before going to sit beside Donghyuck, passing the water to him. “I, uh, saw maybe you were upset. I just wanted to check on you.”

Donghyuck rolled his eyes. “I’m fine. You can go.”He was in uncharted waters with Donghyuck, but he was no stranger to teenage petulance—the desire to be chased. Donghyuck huffed a put upon sigh. 

“You know, I’ve been a big brother for basically forever, and when you’re a big brother you have this superpower: you can always tell when your dongsaeng is lying.”Donghyuck shrugged, so he switched tactics.“Is this... was it the movie? Was it sad?” 

This got Donghyuck’s attention, he looked up at Johnny, fresh tears brimming. “It’s not that… I mean, it gets sad from what I’ve seen online, but that’s not why.”

He didn’t want to pry, but Donghyuck didn’t have any siblings, his parents were away, and Mark could be pretty... oblivious when it came to feelings. So he tried again. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, Haechan-ah,” he throws the nickname, something he’d heard Mark use a few times, out on a whim. “But I’m happy to listen if you do...”

Finally, the tears fell, and he whispered, so softly Johnny almost couldn’t hear it over the whir of the fridge. “Please don’t tell Mark.”

“Don’t tell him what?”

Donghyuck shot him a look, one that says: ‘you know what.’ And Johnny did, or he had an idea at least. “I’m gonna tell him but I just need more time... I know your family isn’t uber religious and you’re all so nice... but Mark is the first real friend I’ve ever had. The first friend that doesn’t have an expiration date.” He said it like it’s been weighing on him a while. 

“You’re worried he won’t want to be friends anymore?” Johnny said, just to make it clear they’re on the same page.

“No, but it’s also not a guarantee. I’m scared.”

“Of his reaction?”

“Yes, but also no. Everything I guess. Making friends as the annoying transfer is hard even when they think I’m normal! Imagine once they know I’m…gay.”

Johnny ignored the ‘normal’ comment and leaned on the counter. “I know not every experience is universal, but I can tell you from experience that not everyone is a judgmental asshole. Really good friends won’t care.”

That made Donghyuck pause.“You’re gay too?”

He shook his head, “I’m bi. But I’ve been where you are and for the record, my family knows, Mark included, and he took it really well. I promise, it gets better.”Johnny took a deep breath, feeling very satisfied with the way he handled this, totally ready to clap himself on the back when Donghyuck scoffed.

“Well, that’s easy for you to say!”

“I’m sorry?”

“I just mean…you’re you. You’re in college and you’re cool and you’re really…” Donghyuck blushed. “...handsome and stuff. Sure people will get over that I’m gay and I’ll meet other gay people. But I’ll still be me. I’m awkward looking and short and I’m never gonna have all that!”

“All what?!”

He waves a small hand in the air, vaguely.

“Love and stuff. I’ve never even been kissed. No one has ever wanted to kiss me, isn’t that pathetic?”

“It’s not pathetic, Donghyuck.”

“Like I said, easy for you to say!”

 He whined and buried his head in his hands, and Johnny started to pat his shoulder gently, out of instinct. What he said, though, was pure adrenaline; hubris; maybe even straight stupidity. 

“What if I kiss you?”

“Huh?!” Donghyuck pops his head up a fraction, and Johnny worries he said the wrong thing—a weird thing.

“Not, like, in a weird way. Just so you can say you’ve been kissed. Then it’s really not such a huge deal anymore.”

Donghyuck pulled himself back up, hesitant as he thought it through. “You’d do that for me?”

It was a good question. If you’d asked Johnny a week ago if he would be offering to kiss his little brother’s best friend as a favor, he would’ve said you were crazy, but this felt like the right thing to do. 

“Why not?”

There were so many reasons why not. Reasons he shouldn’t have offered and reasons Donghyuck should say no. But Donghyuck didn’t say no, and after a moment he started nodding to himself, then at Johnny. 

Which meant Johnny was going to kiss him. It wasn’t romantic, but it did feel meaningful. Donghyuck closed his eyes immediately, nervous, and sat still. Like he was afraid moving would make Johnny take it back.

But Johnny wanted to help, wanted to show Donghyuck that everything was okay and that a kiss wasn’t holding him back. So he leaned in, ignoring the blooming blush on Donghyuck’s cheeks, and planted a kiss squarely on his lips. It only lasted a moment; the barest hint of pressure before he pulled back. “See?”

Donghyuck was blushing harder than ever as he opened his eyes.“I guess so.”

“Oh come on! You’re a boy who's been kissed! The world is your oyster.”He nudged Donghyuck’s shoulder and was pleased when he broke into giggles, if only for a second, before he was frowning.

“Well, what about everything else? What about everything besides kissing, like sex, and stuff. Just because I was kissed one time doesn’t mean someone will ever want t-to... have sex with me! I’ll be a virgin forever.” He whispered the last part and Johnny had to fight the urge to laugh.

“Donghyuck, you’re so young. You haven’t even told many people you’re gay. You just had a first kiss. Take it slow. One day boys will be lining up to take your wretched virginity!” He was joking, of course, but to Donghyuck this wasn’t a laughing matter.

“And what if they don’t!”

Johnny wasn’t blind, the kid was cute and he knows that one day, when Donghyuck grows into his cheeks and gets his confidence, he’ll be beating meathead jocks and dead poets types off with a stick. “I promise you, Hyuckie, you will. Hell, if you haven’t lost your virginity by twenty, I’ll take it myself.”

He wasn’t sure what compelled him to say it, but the words tumbled right out of his mouth. He worried for a second the forward comment stepped over some invisible boundary, but it seemed to appease Donghyuck, who laughed and rolled his eyes. 

“Promise?”

He laughed. “Promise.”

So that was the long and the short of it. Johnny promised hapless and nervous baby gay Donghyuck that he would fuck the shit out of him as soon as he was legal and then they’d gone their separate ways.

“Oh my god, Ten, that’s not what happened at all!” Johnny rolls his eyes at his best friend, who’s lounging luxuriously on their couch.

“Okay, then you tell the story!”

“I sort of—sort of being the operative part there—promised him I would take his virginity if he was still a virgin by the time he turned 20….”

“It does sound a little better like that.” Jaehyun shrugs, but Ten holds up a silencing hand. 

“Did you say the words, ‘I promise?” Johnny grimaces and Jaehyun groans as Ten crows in victory. “Yeah, that’s what I fucking thought!”

“But that, the ‘fucking the shit out of hi’—” Johnny cuts himself off, choking on the words as the image flashes dangerously in his mind. “I never said that!”

“What did Mark say?” Jaehyun asks, reaching for his drink on the table. 

“About his best friend and brother potentially having a virginity pact? Oh, he took it suuuper well.” 

Johnny isn’t trying to be an asshole but the memory of his ‘confrontation’ with Mark, where Mark tried very hard to berate Johnny, only to make himself gag suggesting Johnny and Donghyuck were actually going to have sex, before promptly leaving to go confront his best friend instead still smarted. It was a genuine low point for him but Jaehyun doesn’t pick up on the sarcasm.

“Oh, well that’s good at least.”

Johnny groans, he still couldn’t believe this was happening. “But come on, it wasn't a pact, or even a real promise! I mean he was scared, and I just said it!”

“Hyuck certainly seems to think it was!”

This makes him pause. He looks between his two friends, the creeping feeling of a full spiral starting to come over him. 

“Okay, no.” He shakes his head. “I’m not doing this!”

“Doing what?”

“Getting stuck in my head about it.”

Jaehyun nods. “So you’re gonna do it?”

“What? No way! I can’t.”

Ten blinks at him. “Why the hell not?”

“Why would I? He’s too young, for one thing. Too young and Mark’s best friend, and you guys know I don’t do hookups!” He laughs incredulously, because it wasn’t even a question. 

Johnny’s a notorious romantic in their friend group. He tried a casual thing with Sehun when he was a senior and Johnny was a sophomore, and they’d barely made it out with their friendship intact. Johnny’s heart took months to resuscitate from the fatal blow that was Sehun’s “I’m just not interested in you like that.” From then on, he promised himself he would only do dating, which resulted in a string of serious relationships. 

First there had been Irene, who was the opposite of Sehun in every way; from the fact that she was a she, to her no nonsense, dominating personality. Kai was next, and virtually perfect. Only he was so head over heels for Johnny he proposed a few months into dating. Then was Jaehyun, a brief and disastrous foray into the world of friends to lovers, except that their spark fizzled the minute they tried to have sex. A week later Jaehyun met Doyoung and the rest was history. 

So no, Johnny would not—could not, take Donghyuck’s virginity. It simply wouldn’t work. 

Donghyuck didn’t seem particularly pleased with that response, but he was perfectly respectful in his displeasure. 

He shows up, seven on the dot the next day, just like he said he would, knocking on the apartment door and bounding inside when Johnny opens it up. They exchange pleasantries in the doorway as Donghyuck removes his jacket to reveal an emerald silk shirt that fits him just right, top buttons undone to reveal more of his tan skin that he normally does, and dark jeans that look painted on. He almost looks like he might be going to a club later, and as they get settled in the living room, unopened cans of beer on the coffee table between them, Johnny can almost pretend that’s the reality. Almost. 

“Hyung, I should probably apologize for yesterday. I didn’t mean to go over the top, I just knew I wouldn’t have the nerve otherwise.”

The blush on Donghyuck’s skin is soft but visible, pink and so fucking distracting. For the briefest of moments he finds himself wondering how else he could make Donghyuck blush; where else he might turn pink, but he snaps himself out of it. Donghyuck just gave him a solid out!

 “If you’re that unsure about this…”

“No.” Donghyuck shakes his head. “Not unsure, not about this. I was just nervous to collect.” His bright eyes sparkling as they track Johnny’s reaction. 

Or not.  

“Uh, listen… Haechan-ah.” Donghyuck visibly winces at the nickname, something that Mark started and their whole family adopted easily once it became clear the pair were bonded for life. “I am really super flattered, that you remember the promise, and that you still… uh want that, with me.”

Donghyuck’s face becomes an unreadable, emotionless mask.

“But I really can’t uh… honor it. The deal.” 

He goes on to explain the many reasons he can’t, and not once does Donghyuck’s face change. He certainly never seems as stricken as when Johnny used his childhood nickname. 

Neither of them touched their beers yet (did they give the wrong impression?), but as he wraps up his little speech, with a ‘I’m really sorry Donghyuck’ to seal his neat and very polite rejection, Donghyuck cracks his open with practiced ease and downs half of it before speaking. 

“Hyung, you don’t have to apologize. The last thing I want is someone who doesn’t want me.” He sips the beer again.

“Uh, I’m glad you understand.” He’s vaguely surprised that Donghyuck is so relaxed about it. He seemed very determined yesterday.

“Of course. Consent is key!” He waves his free hand and takes another swig of the beer, finally draining it, before setting it back down with a tinny little noise. “Anyways, I hope you don’t mind if I head out?”

Johnny frowns. “No, no of course not. I’m glad we sorted it out Hyuckie, seriously.”

They stand, and he grabs Donghyuck's coat for him, holding it out so he can slip his arms in the sleeves easily. 

“Me too Hyung.”

It only occurs to him then that this is a problem for Donghyuck, one he’s been counting on Johnny to solve for him. Johnny was the solution, but now…

“I hope this isn’t too much, but do you have—are you going to—what are you going to do now?”

Donghyuck stops to run a hand through his hair and turns his gaze on Johnny, looking at him with something like… is it his imagination or is it anger? He almost regrets asking. 

“Well you won’t fuck me, so I’m going to find someone who will.”

And with that he’s out the door, and Johnny is left to contemplate what exactly he meant by that.

“What exactly do you think he meant by that?”

It’s a few days later and the usual crew has met up for lunch. He’d like to say he’s been listening to whatever inane conversations his friends were having, but the truth is there is nothing in his head except Donghyuck. Which is why he didn’t even hesitate to tell them how things went when Jaehyun asked and why he felt compelled to ask the question that had been haunting him ever since. But now Ten is staring, a fry halfway to his open mouth, while the others trade off hesitant glances. Luckily Doyoung saves them from answering. 

“What did he mean by ‘I’m going to find someone who will fuck me’? Gee, I wonder.”

Jaehyun laughs, and Ten finally seems to reboot, popping the fry in his mouth. 

Johnny sighs, convinced they’re being intentionally obtuse. Misunderstanding him on purpose. “No, I understand, but like, where is he going to find someone?”

Doyoung rolls his eyes and Jaehyun starts laughing. At Johnny, not with him—which, okay hurtful! 

“Wow, kick him while he’s down, why don’t you?” He says. 

Johnny takes another bite of his burger, “What do you mean?” he asks, genuinely confused about what’s wrong with being curious–invested in Donghyuck’s life. 

“You’re lucky I know you so well, otherwise I’d say you sound like a total jackass.”

“I just meant like, is he going to ask… a stranger?”

Jaehyun keeps laughing as Ten snorts. “Oh, horror of horrors! Sex with a stranger!”

“I’m serious, hooking up with some rando when you’re seasoned is one thing, but when you’re a virgin?”

Doyoung turns to Ten, mouthing ‘Seasoned?’  just as Kun looks up from his noodles, “He kind of has a point.”

Ten silences him with a look. 

“Well yeah, it probably isn’t ideal, but you’ve met the guy. Once he’s decided on something, he doesn’t just give up.” Jaehyun is probably one of the only other people who knows Donghyuck as well as he or Mark and Johnny nearly cheers when he backs him up.

“Exactly!” Johnny looks around at the rest but no one looks very impressed with his point. “He gave up super easily! When I told him why I didn’t think it was a good idea he was just like ‘I want someone who wants me’ and ‘I totally understand’.” 

“Why does it matter?” Doyoung sets his utensils down and suddenly Johnny is very afraid. No one wants a hangry Doyoung. 

“What do you mean?” he asks against his better judgement.

“I mean, he offered his virgin ass up on a platter, and you shot him down. You said no, and he respected that. What did you want him to do, beg?” He takes on a high pitched falsetto that does NOT turn Johnny on or even sort of sound like Donghyuck. “Oh please Johnny, fuck my virgin hole!”

 Several people turn to look at their table at Doyoung’s outburst and Johnny blushes furiously. Because of the scene Doyoung is causing, and absolutely no other reason. “He’s gonna find someone else, so it’s not your problem anymore.”

Logically, Johnny knew his friends were right: He rejected Donghyuck flat out, so he shouldn’t care about his plan B, right? It’s just a fact. But still he finds himself in a similar position a few days later, at dinner with Mark on their weekly brother date. Mark’s telling a story about some kid in his physics class who decimated him for saying the wrong answer during trivia and blushing an awful lot (Note to self, He thinks. Ask more about Huang Renjun.), when Johnny suddenly finds himself interrupting. 

“How’s Hyuck doing?”

Mark is a very loyal and kind friend, and an even better brother, but when it comes to awkward confrontations and secrets he’s got absolutely no poker face.  “He’s good man, just hanging out.”

“That’s good. I’m really glad. I care about him, you know?”

Mark grimaces. “I know hyung. He’s really fine.”

“I was uh… I was just wondering, after I told him that I couldn’t…”

“Right.” Mark says quickly, looking a little green around the gills. 

“He said something that made me a little worried. You don’t think he’d do anything… dangerous. Right?”

Mark goes from embarrassed to concerned in about .001 seconds flat. “Dangerous, what do you mean? What did he say?”

Johnny shrugs.

“He was just kind of alluding to his plan B. And the way he was talking I was worried he would go out and find some stranger or… something.”  He finishes lamely.

“Oh” Mark nods, but the concern is gone from his face. Instead he looks sheepish, like he’s not sure he should even mention what he does next. “Well I don’t know, Hyuckie is kind of popular? With guys, I mean.”

Something about the way he says popular makes Johnny pause. “Is that right?”

“Well, yeah. He gets asked out all the time. Like, all the time.” He raises his eyebrows for emphasis, the edge of annoyance there like he’s witnessed this with his own eyes. 

Johnny nods. Just how often is ‘all the time’? Who are these guys who are approaching him? If he’s getting asked out all the time and he’s still single—still considering a virginity pact from years ago as the best option they can’t exactly be winners, right?

“So you don’t think he’d just…”

“Fuck a stranger?” He asks, causing Johnny to choke on his bite of noodles. “Probably not. But like it’s his…virginity, he can do what he wants with it.” 

It sounds like something Doyoung or Taeyong might say, or even Donghyuck himself. Something Mark has heard and is repeating now. He sips his coke, expression so totally neutral that Johnny can tell it’s on purpose.

“Right, of course he can! Absolutely, he can!” Johnny nods emphatically, and musters some purpose of his own to smile at him across the table. 

Because he can of course! Mark is right, just like Johnny’s friends: It’s Donghyuck life and socially constructed measure of purity, so he has every right to do as he pleases with it. But Johnny still can’t shake the fear that Donghyuck is going to make a mistake. 

“Wow, do you have any idea how that sounds?”

“I’m just worried about him. I think my concerns are valid…”

Taeyong rolls his eyes, a gesture that Johnny seems to inspire too often in people recently, and keeps ignoring Yuta who is trying to take his note book away so he can copy his homework. They’re in the library, it’s Wednesday, and they’re the only souls there. Johnny agreed to the meeting in a haze but was happy to have someone new to ask about his… predicament. He’d exhausted Mark in one go, and when he’d brought it up again to Ten he’d been keenly suspicious about Johnny’s motives so he quickly changed the subject. Taeyong however, is proving to be yet another voice of so-called ‘reason’. 

“You’re concerned, and that’s fine; but saying he’s going to make a mistake is pretty condescending.” He smacks Yuta’s hand without looking, gaze still focused on Johnny. 

He can’t bring himself to make eye contact for longer than a second, choosing instead to stare down at the table, eyes moving from his own art history notes to Taeyong’s biology, and around to Yuta’s L.L. Bean catalogue where he’s arbitrarily circling items, having given up on his plagiarism efforts. “How so?”

“Well you’re kind of making it sound like you were the right choice. But you said no, so now anything else he decides is the wrong thing. Or worse, you make it sound like you think he isn’t capable of deciding, period.”

He hadn’t really thought of it like that.

“I know you didn’t, which is why I’m telling you.” 

Oh oops! He didn’t mean to say that out loud. He looks up finally, to find Taeyong is already looking at him, straight into his soul. 

“I know you think Hyuckie is still a kid because he’s Mark’s friend and Mark is still a baby to you, but he isn’t. Neither of them are. He came to you with this because he trusts you. And he trusts you enough to let it go when you said you didn’t want him. And ever since you’ve been worried and second guessing him and asking around, which is honestly sweet. It’s sweet that you want him to be safe, but it’s not really your business anymore.”

Johnny is appropriately shamed by Taeyong’s speech and he sighs, all his righteous musings blowing out of him like the hot air they are. “Yeah, you’re right Tae. I’ve been really unfair.”

Taeyong smiles, slamming his binder shut on Yuta’s hand then reaching out to give Johnny one gentle, only slightly patronizing pat.

“It’s okay! I know you Johnny. I know you just care about him.”

He does care about Donghyuck, is the thing. Maybe not the thing, or at least not the only thing, but  a thing to be certain. 

Since that Christmas he spent with Johnny and Mark’s family Donghyuck has been a steadfast part of their lives and even though Johnny didn’t exactly get to spend a ton of time with Mark being away at college, he still saw him and by extension he would see Donghyuck.

Mark came up to see Johnny’s very first photography exhibit, and Donghyuck tagged along. A few inches taller and cheeks starting to slim, but still in his obnoxiously bright colors and with his even brighter smile, he made Johnny and Mark laugh as he swanned around the gallery demanding to know how much for each of Johnny’s pieces. Even when he stumbled into a waiter and knocked the serving platter out of their hands Johnny hadn’t been mad or embarrassed he’d just wiped away his tears of laughter, offering his hand out to help him up.

Their first cousin got married and Mark brought Donghyuck. Johnny saw them for maybe a minute after the ceremony until they disappeared, only to find them again following Mark’s frantic text instructions to the server’s entrance, where he and Donghyuck had gotten their hands on more than a few champagne flutes and Donghyuck was too sick to walk so Johnny snuck them out and drove them both home to sleep it off in the basement. 

Over the years little moments like this brought Donghyuck closer to their family in general, but also to Johnny himself. Their senior year Mark got in over his head during exam season, so Donghyuck had stolen Johnny’s number from Mark’s phone to spill all about how Mark wasn’t sleeping enough and how he was pushing himself past the limit and Donghyuck had tried to help, but he thought Mark needed his big brother. 

Johnny drove home that night and talked to Mark for hours alone before they both talked to their parents. The next morning he had to leave bright and early and as he walked out the door he ran straight into Donghyuck. He wasn’t any taller now, but he looked older nonetheless. His clothes were more muted, and he’d finally grown into his features, high full cheeks and pouty lips. He blinked up at Johnny in surprise and when he realized who he’d run into he smiled. 

“Oh! Hey hyung! I thought you’d be—”

The ‘gone already’ was lost in between them as Johnny wrapped Donghyuck in a bear hug. 

“Thank you.” he’d murmured into Donghyuck’s freshly dyed honey brown hair. “Thank you Donghyuck.”

Donghyuck hadn’t had time to hug back before it was over but he smiled and blushed and waved it off like it was nothing, but of course it was actually everything to Johnny. He hadn’t been brave enough to say that, right then but he texted Donghyuck later to tell him. 

And though they started texting because it was necessary for Mark’s wellbeing, they never really stopped. Once every few weeks either Donghyuck or Johnny would reach out. It wasn’t anything life altering, but it proved that they had interest, as polite and infrequent as it might be, in one another outside of Mark.

 “How are you doing?” 

“Who’re you taking to prom?”

 “What classes are you taking next semester?” 

“Are you sleeping okay?” 

“Have you decided where you’ll go?”

They both decided to follow Johnny to NCT U, and he helped them every step of the way. From moving into the dorms; advising them what to avoid in the cafeteria; and which professors were laidback enough you could get away with the occasional unexcused absence versus which would knock you down a letter grade. He helped Donghyuck find sources for his freshmen seminar paper and proofread it, along with all his and Mark’s assignments freshman year. 

So even though they didn’t see each other all the time and even though they weren’t directly friends, Donghyuck was a part of his life, and Johnny really and truly cared about him. So he couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe he handled this all wrong and that maybe Johnny needed to help him… not in the way Donghyuck wanted, obviously, but in some way.  

But Taeyong—all his friends—were right. He was being unfair. It wasn’t his business anymore, and he understood that, he did! But it’s one thing to understand something and another thing to put it into practice. He’d been fine the rest of the week in the comfort of his bedroom, in the cafeteria, going to class, but on Saturday he’s finally put to the test. 

Hopefully he’s graded on a curve.

They’re at a bar. All of them. The extended friend group all present and accounted for, which is exceedingly rare. 

Frisco’s is their favorite bar, and the best gay bar on this side of the river, if not in general. It’s big and ancient, a weird mix of 70’s camp and 80’s color schemes with high ceilings and a three tier dance floor, layered like a wedding cake toward the DJ booth, towering up above the main floor and bar. Each tier is circled with sticky linoleum and title topped tables. Everything is either dark brown wood panel or silver holographic shiny, decorated with living palm trees and an impressive array of disco balls that reflect the rainbow strobe lights, and very best of all they don't check IDs all that closely.

The party tonight is supposedly themed, though he’s never gotten a straight answer on what exactly that theme is. Ten and Tae are wearing matching see through shirts and leather pants from their ‘hoe phase’ days (“You mean to tell me you’ve stopped? Ten why didn’t you tell anyone!?”), while Doyoung is wearing a star trek costume. There are an upsetting number of cowboy hats. Johnny himself is wearing his regular leather jacket and his ‘going out’ jeans, with a bandana around his neck that Yuta shoved at him on the way out the door. 

Most of them are camped on the second tier, huddled around a table waiting for Sicheng and Kun to get back with the drinks. The location is perfect because they’re close enough to the dance floor that TaeTen can dance and put on a show while everyone else is content to drink and watch (at least for now) and from this vantage point Johnny can see the kids… er… Mark’s friends down in the main area. 

Mark is wearing what he always wears out, black jeans and white t-shirt,  either not knowing about the mystery theme or not caring, much like Johnny himself, but his friends are decked out. Someone he’s never really seen before, petite with delicate features, is wearing a holographic jumpsuit and wild make up, maybe an alien? Jeno wears a sparkly cowboy hat with diamanté fringe and faux cowhide chaps over the tightest pair of jeans anyone has ever seen and no shirt, his eyes glued to Jaemin dressed like Lola Bunny, ears and all. 

But Donghyuck… The strobe light bounces off the disco balls and falls across his face, free of make up except maybe lip gloss? He's laughing at something, a wide smile on display. His soft brown hair peeks out from beneath what looks like a vintage cowboy hat. He’s wearing a worn t-shirt that fits him just right, with a laced leather vest over top, cowboy boots, and trousers that hug his ass. Johnny downs his drink. 

Has he always looked like this? He can’t help but let his eyes wander again to the fit of those pants, the denim hugging every curve, his thighs and his hips, where a wide hand is resting... Wait. What?

Standing beside Donghyuck is another guy he’s never really seen before. Tall, probably almost as tall as Johnny himself, wearing a Chicago Bulls uniform that showcases his lithe, muscled frame, and smiling down at Donghyuck  like he hung the moon. Donghyuck doesn’t seem as invested in the stranger but he also hasn’t moved the other’s hand from his hip. 

“I’m just saying the cherry stem thing is stupid and not a testament to skill level. Right Johnny, c’mon man back me up!” He turns back to his friends, flushing when he realizes how long he must have been out of it staring at… that guy. The guy with his hand on Donghyuck, the one touching his hip and looking at him like he wanted to—“Johnny?”

Shit.  His friends actually do look a little concerned now. 

“Sorry, too much ice in this drink—brain freeze! Tae’s right, cherry stem is just a gimmick.”

Yuta pouts while Taeyong does a victory lap around the table. “Oh whatever, I can do it, and it’s just as hot as my kissing technique.”

“You’re a scorpio, everything you do is hot.”

They return to the conversation and Johnny waits a beat before turning back to look at Mark’s group, or at least tries to. 

“Johnny? Are you okay?” Kun leans to whisper, or as much of a whisper as possible when you’re in a noisy gay bar with noisy gay people. He nods and makes eye contact, Kun looking earnest as always. “Uh yeah, just uhm. Just trying to figure out who the new guy is with Mark’s friends, I’ve not seen him around.”

Kun follows his line of sight and smiles. “Oh that’s Sungchan. He’s one of mine.”

Johnny’s face must give the breadth of his confusion because Kun laughs. 

“He’s one of the new exchange kids. He’s a good guy, sweet, funny—big heart. He seems to have taken a liking to Donghyuck.”

Johnny turns away from Kun’s suggestive wink with a sick feeling, and glances down to see Sungchan is now pulling Donghyuck closer, so they're pressed together, side by side. And suddenly, something in him snaps. “Will you excuse me? I’m gonna hit the bathroom really quick.”

It’s probably not too suspicious. Everyone knows the second floor bathrooms are too crowded and if anyone watched him leave they’d probably assume he was going up to the third floor to pee instead of what he actually was doing. 

Meddling wasn’t the right word. He just needed to check in. That was his baby brother’s best friend and he has a duty, an obligation to make sure that—“Johnny?”

For the second time in twenty minutes he’s pulled from his own reverie. He’s standing in front of Mark’s table and all of Mark’s friends are staring at him with varying degrees of interest. Mark looks a little pale, Sungchan looks confused but polite, and Donghyuck is…unimpressed. 

He didn’t exactly come prepared. If he’d been paying better attention he could have sidled up to Mark and offered to buy a round for his favorite underclassmen, but instead he got too lost in his… worry. His concern. 

As it is he means to say ‘hello’. He means to say ‘excuse me’ or ‘how’s it going’. What he actually says, blinded once again by the hand resting on Donghyuck’s hip like it belongs there, is: “Can I talk to you?”

It’s rude. Brusque. But if the others are surprised to be ignored they don’t show it. Donghyuck appears to have almost been expecting this, which Johnny isn’t sure is a good or bad thing. He nods his agreement and pushes away from the bar. “Yeah sure.”

They walk to the patio entrance but don’t actually go outside, standing instead just to one side of the glass double doors, so smokers can pass in and out freely, wafting the smell of smoke with them. It’s quiet enough here that he can hear Donghyuck’s sigh as he crosses his arms. “What's this all about? Because hyung, I told you it’s fine. There’s no need to clear the air or whatev—“

“What are you doing with him?’

It slips out, totally outside of Johnny’s control. He would feel shame about it, but it finally makes Donghyuck drop the unimpressed and indifferent look, so in a way he’s grateful for his own outburst. He realizes, abruptly, that maybe he’s been waiting for this: for Donghyuck to react.

“Excuse me?”

“That guy, Sunoco or whatever. What are you doing with him? I mean do you even know him?”

“Sungchan? He’s new. We’re just being friendly.” His voice is level but he sounds genuinely confused. 

“Looked a little more than friendly to me.”

Donghyuck’s expression darkens. He’s angry now, for real. “And what if it was? I can be friendly or more than with whoever I want!”

That’s what everyone has been telling him. Hell, it’s what Johnny has been telling himself. But right now he can’t bring himself to care, mouth opening and words spewing out against his will.

“You don’t know the first thing about this kid, you just met him!”

“So what? I’m not allowed to make friends? You’re the friend police now?”

“No, I just think you’ve got to be smart about this.” He raises his eyebrows and it’s clear what he means by this, and equally as clear is how Donghyuck feels about Johnny meddling, eyes rolling and head shaking.

“Hyung you’re being ridiculous, it’s not your concern anymore. I think you should drop it.”

“I’m not.. I’m not just gonna drop it!” 

He feels his eyebrows pinching up. How is he supposed to just ‘drop it’? Why doesn’t anyone understand? Everyone out there, drinking and dancing to whatever 2000’s remix is blasting through the speakers and not sparing a second thought to this serious thing, they’ve been acting like Johnny is crazy but really they’re the crazy ones! Telling Johnny to relax—when it’s Donghyuck!?

Oblivious to Johnny’s inner turmoil Donghyuck lets out an exasperated sigh, running a hand through his hair. “You’re the one who said you didn’t want—“ He cuts himself off. “You know what, no. This no longer involves you.”

Johnny shakes his head because no, no this isn’t going how he thought it would go at all. That’s wrong. It’s all wrong. 

“It does, you’re Mark’s best friend.”

“So all I am to you is Mark’s friend? I ask one time about some stupid deal we had and all of a sudden you and I are nothing more than acquaintances?”

“It’s not like that!”

“Then what’s it like, John?” Johnny is silent, can’t think of anything in time before Donghyuck is coming at him again, white hot. “It’s not your issue anymore hyung, I’ll be friends with whoever I want and I will fuck whoever I want, because it’s my body and just because—“

“I changed my mind.” 

That silences Donghyuck’s tirade, stopped with one finger in the air, halfway to leaving. 

“I changed my mind, and I’ll do it. I’ll take your virginity.”

All the anger leaves Donghyuck, hand falling, shoulders sagging and he shakes his head. “No. No way, I won’t take your pity.”

“It’s not pity. I just…” He moves closer to Donghyuck, crowding into his space, so close he can smell Donghyuck’s cologne, woody and alluring,  that he can see each of his eyelashes and he can feel the heat radiating off his body. “Just don’t have sex with him. Please don’t have sex with someone you just met.” He’s pleading. Begging. 

“You’re drunk hyung. You don’t mean it.” He sighs. “I’m not going to have sex with anyone tonight. But when I do, it won’t be any of your business.”

And in that moment, the desire, the desperation to stop Donghyuck in his tracks and make him understand overtakes Johnny, and in yet another wave of impulsiveness he takes Donghyuck by the shoulders, pushes him up against the fake wood paneled wall, and kisses him. 

It’s nothing fancy, or overly erotic. Just a hot press of mouth against mouth. But he hopes that it says everything he’s thinking—that he wants to help Donghyuck, and doesn't want his first time to be with someone he barely knows. He just wants to help. 

When he pulls away Donghyuck is blushing, mouth red and plump, because of Johnny. Because of their kiss. He stays against the wall as Johnny steps back, and lifts his hands to press against his flushed cheeks, covering what—embarrassment? Desire?

  “You’re drunk hyung.”

“Haechan-ah—“ Just as he did before when Johnny made the mistake of rejecting Donghyuck, he reacts more intensely to the nickname than to anything else Johnny has said, flinching away from it. “No!” he says, sharp and watery. “You’re drunk. If you really mean it, find me when you’re sober.”

And with that he walks away. 

Contrary to what his behavior and Donghyuck’s perception would have you believe, Johnny wasn’t drunk the night before. Intoxicated? Absolutely. But he’s too big to get drunk off one shot and a rum and coke. No, at the time, he was mostly sober, and it wasn’t until after that he got drunk. 

After he begged Donghyuck not to have sex with a hot guy his own age, and kissed him like an absolute wild man, Johnny went to the bathroom before going to the bar and ordering another round to the table. He did two shots while he waited then went back to his friends, tail metaphorically tucked, and tried his best to forget. 

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t forget what he said or did or that kiss. 

After another half an hour they split up, in twos and threes and even fives off back to their respective homes. Ten was too tipsy for small talk so when they got back he started to get ready for bed, but the silence was deafening, and Johnny was merely a man. 

“I kissed him.”

Ten spun around on the spot in the middle of his room, then held out his hands trying to balance himself, face slightly green.  “Him who?” he asks once he gets ahold of himself.

“I kissed him and begged him not to sleep with Sungchan.”

“Who’s Sungchan?”

Johnny wasn’t really listening. He hung his head and whined. “I kissed him and begged and now he’s never gonna speak to me again.”

Ten reached over and used his tiny hands to smush Johnny’s face, turning greener still.

“Johnny I had like… four LITs, slow down.”

He shook his head. “I—I kissed Donghyuck.”

Ten’s mouth widened. 

“WHAT?!”

“I know!”

“You kissed him?!”

“Yes. Okay? I was having a crisis, and I kissed him and now I can’t… I don’t know how…”

Ten put a finger to his lips. 

“Johnny. Johnnykins. Jo-bear. I love you and I love gossip. But I have to go throw up and I want to enjoy this story, so let’s press pause, okay? There’s nothing you can do right now, so go get some sleep.”

He scurried away to the bathroom after that, leaving Johnny to go to bed, stewing in his own thoughts. 

The next day, they regroup. Ten wakes up at the ass crack of dawn and texts Kun to coerce him into doing a McD’s run, and now the three of them are in Ten’s bed, eating Filet o’ Fish and fries as Johnny recounts everything that happened last night. When he finishes Ten takes a massive sip of his coke.

 “So are you going to go talk to him?”

“How can I do that?”

“Well you get up, change into sweats that don’t smell, get in your car, drive over—” He goes to aim a punch at Ten’s leg but stops when he catches a whiff of himself and realizes he’s at least partially right. Plus Kun looks soft but he could probably kill Johnny with one of those magic boxes and a saw. “I meant why, I guess? I already made a complete fool out of myself.”

Ten’s mouth turns down at the corners.

“Donghyuck will understand. He’s your brother’s best friend, you can’t just leave things the way you did.”

So all I am to you is Mark’s friend? Donghyuck’s voice—the hurt—echoes in his mind.

“Did you mean it?” Kun asks. 

“Mean what?”

“That you changed your mind, that you want to do it.”

Johnny takes a deep breath. Did he mean it? That was the million dollar question. It’s all he’s been thinking about. Consuming his every waking thought and hour. He tried to think of a way to explain everything on his mind without being misunderstood. 

“I guess I just figured all the reasons I have not to do it were all the reasons I should. I want to help him.”

Kun nods. Earnest as ever.

“Then you have to tell him that, otherwise you’ll be the hyung that not only rejected him, but who led him on and never apologized.”

He’s getting just as tired of saying it as you probably are of seeing it, dear reader, but Ten and Kun are right. Which is how Johnny finds himself outside Donghyuck’s door, thirty odd minutes later fresh from a shower with clean clothes and his game face on, ignoring the questioning looks he’s getting from passers-by on the hall.. 

He knocks, and he waits. A few moments pass, so he knocks again. There’s a shuffling from behind the door, a thump, and then it swings open to reveal a sleep soft Donghyuck, in an oversized black t-shirt that looks more like a dress, bare legs on display. He squeaks in surprise when he realizes it’s Johnny he’s looking at, and he uses the door to cover himself slightly.

“Johnny hyung?”

“Hey Hyuckie, can I come in?”

Donghyuck, nods and ushers him inside before going toward the bathroom to “change really quick” and invites Johnny to make himself comfortable. 

Weirdly, it’s the first time Johnny has been to Mark and Donghyuck’s dorm since move-in when it was just an empty room filled with half functional furniture and approximately one million boxes for all their things. 

In the interim the pair have completely overhauled the space. Sophomore dorms are fractionally larger than freshman dorms, and they have a small common space, with a dingy second hand futon and a TV that’s unproportionately big for the space, and much cleaner than Johnny pictured after spending time in their dorm last year around this time in the semester. 

Mark’s side of the room is empty, just as Johnny knew it would be. He’d checked his location and seen he was at a friend’s house, probably someone he’d had to take care of after last night at the bar if Johnny had to guess. His area is basically a small-scale version of his room at home, so Johnny doesn’t give it a second look, and instead goes to snoop on Donghyuck’s side. 

His bed, green gray jersey sheets and green check comforter is unmade as Johnny just woke him up, but otherwise it’s tidy. He has posters on the wall of artists he likes, mostly musicians, and pictures of his friends. His desk is stacked with CDs and books and notebooks in different colors, textbooks lined up along the back. There are little figurines and pens with googly eyes, and a calendar with his and Mark’s schedule handwritten on it. In his window sill there's a row of little plants, succulents, that Johnny can’t tell if they’re real or fake. 

“Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you.”

Donghyuck has reappeared, standing behind Johnny. He’s brushed his hair and he’s wearing a robe now, and pajama bottoms covered in dogs. 

“That’s okay, I should have texted.” Donghyuck stays silent, waiting for him to speak. “I wanted to come by and apologize for last night.”

If Johnny weren’t so nervous, he’d probably notice the microscopic change in Donghyuck’s face, his open expression fading into one of disappointment. He goes to speak, mouth opening, but Johnny cuts him off. 

“No, let me finish,” Johnny says. “I want to apologize because I meant everything I said, but I did it all wrong. I shouldn’t have approached you when I’d been drinking and I’m really sorry.”

Donghyuck opens his mouth again, stops to frown, then actually speaks.“You meant what you said?”

“Yes.” Johnny nods.

“You…” he pauses. “You want to have sex with me?”

“Yes. Or well… I want to take your virginity, if you’re absolutely sure.”

“I am.”

“How can you be sure, though? That you’re sure?”

Donghyuck throws his hands up in the air. “Hyung, if you regret saying it last night, I’d rather you say so.”

“I don’t! I swear, I just… how do you even know you’re attracted to me?”

He watches as a hot flush blooms on the other boy’s cheeks. 

“Well I have eyes don’t I! You’re hot, hyung. You’ve always been hot.”

“Have I?” Johnny preens in spite of himself at the compliment and Donghyuck rolls his eyes. “Are you going to say it back?”

“Say what back?”

“That you think I’m hot!”

Johnny blushes. 

“You’re gorgeous Donghyuck.”

“So what’s the problem?” 

He slumps down a bit,  not pleased with Johnny’s merry-go-round conversation style. 

“What if there’s no chemistry? No spark? We’re supposed to just dive right in when we don't even know if we’re compatible?” he says, and Donghyuck turns, climbing over the back of the shitty futon and plopping down, patting the open space to his left.

“Then let’s see. Let’s see if we’re compatible, and then we can decide.”

Johnny follows him, sitting down and angling  his body toward Donghyuck. Their knees bump and Johnny purposefully does not press harder, even though it occurs to him he could. “How?”

“Kiss me again. Kiss me and see.”

The kiss from last night plays in his mind, the fervor he’d felt trying to prove to Donghyuck that he could help him better than… Sungfan or whatever his name was. If Johnny was being honest it's been playing in his mind. It’s part of the reason he’s here now. 

Kiss me and see. Johnny leans in. 

It’s different of course, kissing Donghyuck in the broad daylight of a college dorm room completely sober, but it’s just as good. Maybe even better. Their mouths press together for ten seconds, then another press, ten more seconds, longer than they had last night, letting Johnny feel how unbelievably soft and warm Donghyuck’s lips are against his, and he sighs at the feeling. 

The angle is wrong and Johnny is having to bend at an unfortunate angle, so he scoots a little closer, lifts Donghyuck’s legs up by the calves to pull them over Johnny’s thighs. He isn’t sure who opens their mouth first but soon it’s both of them. They kiss harder, faster, and when he pushes his tongue into Donghyuck’s mouth he hears the soft whine it elicits with startling clarity. 

He slides his arms around Johnny's shoulders and Johnny lifts him without thinking into his lap, legs to either side of Johnny’s own, trying to get closer. They move together in perfect sync, mouths and hands and hips. Donghyuck undoes the belt of his robe and Johnny pushes the fabric off his shoulders, so they can press chest to chest. Johnny has just started mouthing along Donghyuck’s jaw, pulling soft whines that are growing into more pronounced moans, gyrating his hips in Johnny’s lap as his alternates nips and kisses at his throat, when a door in the hallway slams and shocks them both.

They pull apart, staring at each other in shock. Johnny is half hard in his pants, Donghyuck is pink all over, and it’s even prettier than Johnny thought it might be. They take each other in, breathless. 

“I guess we’re pretty compatible, huh?”

Johnny laughs. “I guess we are.”

“So you’ll do it? You’ll take my virginity?”

He runs a hand through Johnny’s hair and Johnny nods, mesmerized. “Of course. Of course I will.”

They agree on a day, next friday, and a time, 6pm; comparing schedules, shoulder to shoulder on Donghyuck and Mark’s futon, like they’re trying to schedule a trip to the dentist or a dinner and Johnny almost breaks down into hysterical laughter at how oddly clinical that makes it feel. 

Is it supposed to feel clinical? It is a business arrangement in a way… but it feels less weird to think of it like favor. And honestly Johnny doesn’t want Donghyuck’s first time to feel like an appointment, he wants it to be special. 

His own first time wasn’t bad, but it didn’t feel special either. He first had sex with a girl at seventeen in her basement on the couch. Their families went to the local Korean church together sometimes and afterwards would eat dinner. He and Bella were supposed to be playing games while their parents fixed the food, but the last two times they’d come straight downstairs to fool around. 

In retrospect he doesn’t think it was about desire or attraction but about feeling safe together, or safe enough to try things they might not otherwise. Which is why when she suggests they have sex he agrees. She pulls out a condom from her sock and explains that she took it from a friend’s parents bathroom. 

“Cosmo says you can’t do it without one.” she says, and Johnny nods like he knows who Cosmo is. 

He puts on the condom and they do it. It’s over embarrassingly fast and Johnny feels so guilty about it he gets on his knees right then and there and makes it up to her the way he’s only seen in porn before. It’s weird but fun, and he didn’t think he was very good but Bella was nice about it, encouraging him as she watched with wide eyes and she at least orgasmed.

He could tell by the way she pulsed against his tongue. 

His first time with a guy was about attraction and desire. He figured out he was bi senior year of high school, but didn’t act on it until the second weekend of college when he and his dorm mates were invited off campus to their first ever college party. 

They got dressed and sat down on the floor passing around a bottle of liquor, taking sips and pretending it didn’t burn until it felt late enough to show up and not be lame. They still ended up being the first ones there but it worked out because no crowds meant that one of the guys who lived there, who probably wouldn’t have noticed him otherwise, spotted Johnny.

That night, in a matter of two hours, he went straight from his first kiss with a guy to his first time having sex with one. It was rushed—the guy, Des, said they had to be quick before his roommate got back—but fun. He learned a lot in those two hours in Des’ cramped twin size bed and even though people say it doesn’t matter, it felt deeply vindicating to have some kind of proof of his sexuality. Not just for others but for himself. 

I’m not a poser. I had sex with a guy and it was awesome.

Looking back on both of those moments Johnny feels grateful. He wouldn’t change them, but if pressed he wouldn’t call them particularly special, either. They just happened. 

Again, there was nothing wrong with it but for Donghyuck, that didn’t seem right. If they’ve already taken the time to schedule it in advance, why not take the time to make it magical? Give him the Hollywood fade in, the soundtrack, the candlelight, the rose petals. Johnny could give him that. 

It’s this logic that has him spending the week leading up to it planning. 

He starts by talking to Ten. His roommate is highly smug and suspicious but he agrees to vacate the apartment Friday evening and Johnny tries not to think about whatever he’s saying in his messages to Kun asking to stay at his place. Hey baby boy, can I come to yours Friday? Johnny needs the apartment to deflower our dongsaeng. 

Once he has the reservation, so to speak, he starts cleaning. Not the whole place because they keep the common areas tidy, but he skips classes one day and rips his room apart, scrubbing from top to bottom. He washes, folds, and stores his laundry. He sorts through his desk and all the shit piled up there and throws away a whole garbage bag of junk in addition to actual trash. He vacuums and dusts and wipes all the surfaces down twice before he opens the window to air it out. 

During his clean out he finds an open box of expired condoms and a half empty lube, so he goes to the nearest drugstore after class on Thursday. He replaces the lube first because there something demoralizing about the smeary open bottle, not at all suited for making someone feel important, then the condoms, vacillating between the box of six and twelve before settling on the box of twelve, reasoning that maybe once he’s had sex again for the first time in a while he’ll decide to make more of an effort with dating again. 

For the past eight months it’s just been Johnny and his right hand, and he’s enjoyed being single, but if he’s available enough to deflower friends on demand maybe that’s his sign to get back on the horse. 

After the drugstore he goes to the florist and buys two dozen roses and a bouquet of sunflowers. The person who checks him out asks ‘what’s the occasion’ and it’s perfectly innocuous, but he stutters and trips over his answer for some reason. 

“They’re just for a friend… well I mean he’s not just a friend!” he realizes how that sounds immediately. “Or, yes, he's just my friend but not…he’s also really important. Special. A special friend.”

The florist raises an eyebrow, seemingly amused. 

“Because he’s special not because we’re special.” he finishes, with a huff, annoyed at himself for acting like a complete loser. Thankfully the florist just smiles, and tells him the total.

“Fifty six bucks.”

Johnny blinks. “Are you sure?” The roses alone were thirty dollars a pop.

The florist nods their head. 

“Yeah, we have a special discount for special friends.” they say, loading the flowers into a plastic bucket of water, and Johnny blushes. 

“Right.”

When he gets home he goes straight to his room with all his supplies, trying to avoid questioning from Ten. He puts the flowers on his desk, the condoms and the lube in his bedside drawer, and unpacks his school bag. 

He makes a sandwich for dinner at seven and is in bed, ready for sleep, by eight, eager like a kid on Christmas, wanting to sleep faster so he can wake up faster, only sleep doesn’t come. Instead he lays awake, staring at the ceiling and thinking through his plan for tomorrow until three am when his eyes finally slip closed.

It’s nearly 11 when he wakes the next day, and even then he’s only pulled from sleep by Ten bounding into his room to jump around the bed, cat-like and scrambly. 

“Today’s the day Johnny boy!” he says, then steals Johnny’s phone to start playing ‘Pony’. Kun wanders in after him and pulls him away from where he’s wrestling with Johnny, who’s now fully awake and ready to murder his best friend, only to end up a victim himself as Ten mounts up and starts gyrating. 

“Giddy up baby! Next stop, Virgin town!”

Johnny groans. “I hate you!”

“No you don’t! I’m a delight!” he calls as Kun carries him out. 

Once he’s alone again Johnny drags himself up, groggy and grumpy from being woken up by Ten’s little performance. He grabs the glass of water on his bedside and takes a deep drink while checking his phone. There’s a message from Donghyuck: 6pm? is all it says, not even a real word, but Johnny still has to bite his lip to stop a stupid smile spreading on his face. God, get a grip! he thinks. He hearts Hyuck’s message, and replies: 6pm!

The text is a reminder that he’s on a mission to make Donghyuck’s first time as special as possible; and after that it’s much easier to pull himself out of the bed. 

Once he’s up he strips the sheets, loading them into the washing machine and starting the cycle before going to make himself a coffee. Kun’s in the kitchen making breakfast and when he offers some to Johnny too he accepts, settling in at the table with them to eat. Thankfully neither of them mention his plans for the evening again, too busy arguing about who Kun’s cat likes more. 

Breakfast is followed by lounging, until Ten and Kun finally leave around three and Johnny begins getting everything together. He starts by rescuing the sheets from the dryer and making the bed taking extra care to tuck all the corners into place and fluffing the throw pillows Taeyong made him buy a few weeks ago. At the time he thought they were kind of a waste of his money, but now he can see how they tie the room together, and make everything look polished—less like a bachelor pad and more like a high end hotel. Just the kind of place you want to have your first time.  

He runs around tidying, watches roughly seven videos on how to arrange flowers, actually arranges and puts them out, and raids Ten’s secret candle stash. In an effort to give the complete movie cliche he searches for a playlist and when they’re all too cheesy or literal he spends a good portion of his time until Donghyuck arrives making his own. 

He’s lighting the last candle when there's a knock on the door and his heart stops, looks around one last time, then forces himself to answer the door, swinging it open to reveal Donghyuck. 

And, okay. Wow. Donghyuck looks… the only word is beautiful. His slightly shaggy hair, much too long in the back, looks freshly washed and styled, tucked behind his delicate ears. He’s not wearing make up but he’s still glowing, skin bright and warm, cheeks and lips pink. He’s wearing a pair of jeans and a grey hoodie, but they both look nice, almost new. 

Donghyuck smiles, “Well, hello to you too hyung.”

Johnny blushes. “Come on in.” He says, and steps to the side, fighting the sinking embarrassing feeling that’s becoming all too familiar for him these days, and trying to remind himself that there's no better time to tell someone how beautiful they are.

He closes the door and follows Donghyuck, or well, he would if Donghyuck were still moving for him to follow. Instead he stops short in the entrance of the living room, staring at the scene before him. 

There are candles all over the room, tall and skinny, new and old, casting a warm glow on the room. The bouquets Johnny made are peppered here and there, and he’s scattered rose petals on the surfaces; the coffee table, the tv console, the floor leading through the open frosted glass sliding doors into Johnny’s room. If he’d kept going Donghyuck would see that his room is the same, with candles all around and petals across his bedspread. 

Unless something happens, he definitely will see. 

“Johnny…” Donghyuck sounds breathless, eyes wide looking all around.

“Is it too much?” Johnny asks and Donghyuck whips his head around. His dark eyes seem to be both reflecting and absorbing the light in the room all at the same time. 

“No. No, it’s….” he takes a deep shuddering breath. “It’s perfect hyung. Seriously.”

Johnny smiled. He’d definitely thought he’d nailed it and it was nice to have confirmation. “Good, I’m really gl—” he’s cut off by Donghyuck tackling him with a bear hug. It knocks the air out of his lungs briefly but it’s nice, and warm, and just a little more intimate than he’s ever been hugged before. 

In the weird middle ground between the hall and the living space, Johnny can see his breath disrupting the hairs on top of Donghyuck’s head,  and can feel Donghyuck’s against his chest, muggy on the fabric of his shirt shirt.  Something shifts and suddenly they’re not just hugging, they’re pressed together. Arousal settles like a wave over Johnny. 

“How do you want to do this Hyuckie?”

Donghyuck tilts his head back to look Johnny in the eye, and Johnny knows he feels it too. The pressure in the room. Like when you’re waiting for the rain. For the first crack of thunder to open the sky. 

“Will you kiss me hyung?”

Johnny wants to say he thinks twice, but he doesn’t even consider it before leaning down to cover Donghyuck’s lips with his own. They both sigh into the kiss, and Johnny has to fight to not immediately get lost in the sensation. 

This kiss feels different somehow, from the others they’ve shared, even though he feels the same urgency. The same desire to deepen the kiss immediately to get closer and closer to Donghyuck until their bodies were indistinguishable from one another. But where that felt like a flash in the pan, bright and hot and attention grabbing, this feels deep and ancient, like the molten core of earth burning in his ribcage. 

Before now, Johnny pictured them sitting down on the couch to talk about everything: plan who’s doing what, what limits they have, what exactly Donghyuck wants to try, but he’s forgotten why now because this feels natural. It feels natural to kiss Donghyuck and it feels natural to lower himself down enough that he can grip the backs of Donghyuck’s thighs and pick him up. 

They break the kiss, Donghyuck wrapping his legs around Johnny’s waist, and at their new angle he looks down into Johnny’s eyes. “Kiss me again.”

Johnny does, surging up to capture Donghyuck’s mouth against his then break away. Donghyuck is the one surging forward this time, a breathless, “Again.” on his lips just before Johnny’s mouth is.

This time Johnny deepens it, opening his mouth to taste Donghyuck, the cherry soda on his tongue, and Donghyuck answers back just as eager. He shifts in Johnny’s hold, bobbing up to thread his fingers into the short hair on the sides of his head; to hold him in place as he licks into Johnny’s mouth with another sigh. 

Every nerve ending in Johnny’s body is electrified with want so intense it’s setting his teeth on edge. Without much thought he hikes Donghyuck’s body higher up against him and he can feel Donghyuck’s arousal hard against his stomach, so he does it again.

Donghyuck whines and breaks the kiss. “Hyung!”

“What?” he asks, suddenly worried he’s hurt Donghyuck or done something he doesn’t like.

“Are you trying to get me to come in my pants before you even get inside me?”

Johnny’s mouth drops open briefly, before he laughs. Well I guess that answers that, he thinks. 

“No, I’m not trying to make you come in your pants.”

“Good.”

“But… if it’s an unintended bonus.”

“Hyunnnnggg.” Donghyuck whines again and uses one hand to cover his face. “I don’t want to come like that!”

Johnny laughs again and then pulls Donghyuck’s hand away, trying to catch his eye. 

“How do you want to come?” Donghyuck’s big brown doll eyes stare down at him, pink mouth opening and closing. He looks so pretty like this. “How do you want it baby?”

Johnny leans in and Donghyuck gasps softly. “I–I, uh–” 

“How,” Johnny plants a kiss on his open mouth. “Do you,” Kiss. “Want to come?” He seals it with one last kiss that Donghyuck melts into and doesn’t stop. 

They’re getting sloppy now, wet and desperate, and he realizes they’re both in danger of coming before anything even actually happens. So he starts walking, keeping Donghyuck distracted as he moves into the bedroom, which works up until he goes to set Donghyuck on the bed, eyes blinking open against the warm amber light. 

He watches as Johnny kneels in front of him and runs his hands over the planes of his body. They seem to realize at the same time how many layers are in the way of Johnny’s hands on his skin. Donghyuck rips his sweater off as Johnny undoes his pants, popping the button and yanking them down his legs, and suddenly he’s naked. 

Naked because he was bare underneath his jeans. Naked in Johnny’s room. On his bed. Because they’re going to have sex. 

“Wow.” he knows he says it out loud this time because he means to. Because he needs Donghyuck to know how gorgeous he looks with every inch of golden tan skin exposed, laid back on a bed of rose petals. “You’re so beautiful Donghyuck.”

Johnny moves with single minded focus as he crawls closer, hovering above Donghyuck to run hands over the tops of his knees, his soft thighs and hips. Reverent in a way he didn’t know he was capable of.

“Johnny…” 

Donghyuck whispers the name like a plea, so Johnny grants them both mercy and leans down to press a soft kiss to his thigh. Donghyuck moans and Johnny takes that as a sign to keep going, working his mouth over the skin, kissing and licking and biting up his legs, one to the other until he reaches the fold at his hip. He sucks a mark in the delicate skin there, at the bottom of his belly just above the soft patch of hair, marveling at the goosebumps that bloom under his tongue; the way Donghyuck shivers. 

“Please, Johnny hyung.”

Johnny looks up, meeting Donghyuck’s glassy eyes. “Is this how you want to come?” he asks, and then takes his red and leaking cock in his mouth. 

He’s sweet and acidic on Johnny’s tongue and Johnny swallows him down eagerly—hungry. It only takes a few good bobs of his head before Donghyuck is coming with a whimper down his throat, but Johnny doesn’t care because it’s just nice to have this again—the intimacy and the connection. 

Donghyuck is red and panting when he pulls off, staring at Johnny with wet eyes, and Johnny has to ask: “Did you like it?”

He leans down to pull Johnny into a filthy kiss, the taste of him between their tongues, before he nods. 

“Has anyone ever done that to you before?” 

Johnny doesn’t know what compels him to ask. It’s obviously not his business, but once he’s said it he needs to know. Donghyuck pulls back, stopping long enough to shake his head before he kisses Johnny again. Something greedy and possessive unfurls in Johnny’s chest knowing no one has ever touched Donghyuck that way, no one’s ever tasted him. Except Johnny.

Their tongues meet in the middle and Donghyuck whines, hands clawing at and manhandling Johnny’s arms around his waist, pulling him up, leaning them both back until they fall like that, Johnny on top of Donghyuck. 

Johnny uses his hold to push them up the bed until they’re both comfortable. Donghyuck hikes his legs up on Johnny’s hips, holding him close. When they break apart they stare at each other, and Johnny feels himself flush hot at Donghyuck’s estimating gaze.

“There are a lot of things…” he says, so low Johnny isn’t sure he would have heard it if they weren’t so close. “That no one’s ever done to me before.”

Donghyuck rolls his hips, and Johnny’s mouth falls open and his eyes slip closed for a moment at the sensation before he forces them open again. He doesn’t want to miss a second of Donghyuck when he’s like this—Johnny’s.

“But you will, right hyung?”

He rolls his hips again, slower this time, and Johnny marvels at the way his mouth turns up in a smirk at Johnny’s breathless staring, his bulging erection. 

“You’ll do them to me?”

Johnny tightens his grip, uses it to lift Donghyuck’s hips so they’re flush against his own and grinds down. Donghyuck is already chubbing up again, he can feel it. 

“I’ll do anything.” he grinds down in perfect sync with Donghyuck rolling his hips again, making both their breath catch. “Anything you want, baby.”

Donghyuck winds his hands over Johnny’s neck, down the front of his shirt and under the hem, running delicate finger tips over his stomach. Johnny hadn’t even realized he was still wearing his clothes.

“Please hyung.” He starts tugging, trying to get Johnny’s shirt off of him. “I want you.”

Donghyuck’s pushing the fabric up but Johnny isn’t helping, too busy kissing him, fucking his tongue into Donghyuck’s mouth until Donghyuck nips it with his teeth, laughing when Johnny nearly yelps and capitalizing on the separation to yank the shirt up and over his head. 

“Wow, hyung you’re kind of ripped.” Johnny preens at the attention as he runs his hands over Johnny’s pecs and abs. “Can’t wait to see these in action.”

“Yeah?”

Donghyuck nods. “Yeah.”

Johnny grins, pecking him on the mouth before darting away, leaning off to one side of the bed and rooting around then darts back holding up his prize, the lube, waving it around. 

“Then I guess I should get you ready for me.”

“How do you want me?”

Donghyuck bites his lip and Johnny can't help but pull him in for yet another kiss, slow and deep. Is this normal? The thought pops into his head, unbidden. There's always been kissing before, when he’s had sex—but this much? Johnny hasn’t exactly been keeping tabs but he’s weirdly certain that he’s never kissed anyone quite so much. 

He thinks of when they were in Donghyuck’s apartment, giggling over their compatibility and maybe that’s the explanation. It stands to reason that if your kissing styles are compatible you’d kiss more, right? Johnny could probably spend the rest of the night like this and be content, he thinks as Donghyuck opens his mouth and lets Johnny in again. If he’s not careful Johnny will get used to this. The easy intimacy, between them; the heat. 

“I want you like this, when we do it.” he says finally, mouth still against Donghyuck’s. “But it’ll be easier to open up with you on your knees, facing the bed.”

He doesn’t hesitate, turning in Johnny’s hold, so he’s kneeling, propped up on his elbows. Johnny uncaps the lube, quickly warming a generous amount on his fingers, eager to get his hands back on Donghyuck—in Donghyuck. 

The first touch is gentle but purposeful. He uses his thumb to smear Donghyuck’s hole with lube, then presses until he feels the give, circling the pad around the rim. He follows it with his index finger, the same process, circling around before pressing until the tip sinks in. Donghyuck gasps and Johnny pauses. “That okay?”

“Mmm…”

He hums in agreement and wiggles his hips encouragingly, so Johnny carries on, pushing in deeper, going slow until he’s all the way in, then pulling back out just as slow.  He squirts more lube, directly onto Donghyuck’s hole this time, before adding a second finger. Slowly pushing in, pulling back out, building a rhythm. The longer Johnny goes with two the louder Donghyuck gets, moaning wantonly, and his hole starts to flutter around Johnny’s fingers, like he wants more—needs more—of Johnny. 

The thought sends all remaining blood in his body rushing to his aching erection, and it jumps, slapping where the lube has dripped down the backs of Donghyuck’s thighs, and when Johnny looks he can see the reflection of the candle light in the shiny slick of it coating the soft skin there, beckoning him like a flickering north star. 

It’s an accident, really, the way he inches forward so the head of his cock brushes against Donghyuck’s skin, so slippery wet that the brush turns into a slide and Johnny’s cock ends up hovering between Donghyuck’s thighs. He keeps fingering Donghyuck but he knows he’s going slow now, distracted by the heat radiating onto his erection.

It’s less of an accident, when he inches forward again and his cock bobs up,  slapping against Donghyuck’s taint, shocking him enough that he snaps his legs together with another moan, one Johnny echoes immediately.

“Oh fuck…” Johnny murmurs, relishing in the feeling of being wrapped up in the silky grip of Donghyuck’s thighs, not too tight or too loose, just enough pressure to make him lose his goddamn mind. He pulls back and then thrusts back into the hold. “Fuck baby.”

“Johnny?”

Johnny moans, too focused on the easy glide, so fucking good after he’s been aching for so long, to answer. “Johnny, hyung, what are you doing?” Donghyuck asks, but he doesn’t move or open his legs. 

“Fucking your thighs.”

“O-oh!” Donghyuck’s voice is high as Johnny pulls back too quickly and his dick slips free. 

“Should I–should I stop?” Even as he asks he’s wrapping a hand around his dick and guiding the head up and down along the seam of Donghyuck’s closed legs, adding his own precum to the mess. He doesn’t want to stop, but he doesn’t want to hurt Donghyuck or make him uncomfortable either so he waits for permission. Thankfully Donghyuck seems to be on the same page. “No, no it’s okay.” 

Johnny doesn’t need to be told twice and starts pressing back in and starts thrusting again, gently this time, lest he slip free again. 

“It feels weird, but I like it hyung. I really like it.” Donghyuck sighs, a sound so pretty and addictive Johnny wants to bottle it. “I think I could come like this. I want to try.”

Fuck. “Yeah baby?”

Donghyuck nods. “Yeah, yeah! But, Johnny?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“I don’t want you to come yet. Just wait until you’re inside for real, okay?”

The bottom drops out of Johnny’s stomach like he’s on a roller coaster. He freezes, unmoving, torn between being incredibly desperate to come, to paint the inside of Donghyuck’s thighs white and then lick it up before fucking him for real, and also being incredibly turned on by Donghyuck telling him what to do, and when to do it so matter of factly. An order if Johnny’s ever heard one.

And what did he say? ‘...wait until you’re inside for real’ .

Obviously he knew he’d fuck Donghyuck but did he want Johnny bare? Without a condom? He’s so lost in thought he doesn’t hear Donghyuck still speaking until he feels the feather light swipe of fingertips over his tip where it’s poking out in front of Donghyuck’s thighs on the other side. Johnny gasps as Donghyuck works his thumb into Johnny’s slit. 

“Come on hyung, keep going.” He pushes back, then falls forward again, forcing Johnny’s cock to thrust through his wet thighs. “Please.”

He grabs the tip again and squeezes, making Johnny’s cock dribble and jolting him out of his stupor. He pulls back and Donghyuck starts to whine, but Johnny ignores him, focusing instead on arranging their legs so his knees are on either side of Donghyuck’s, caging his legs together as hard as he can. He pulls his fingers out of Hyuck’s ass and lines himself up to push his dick back into the fleshy space between his thighs, picking up his thrusts again. 

When he finds a good rhythm he slips his fingers back inside, three this time. The angle hurts Johnny’s wrist but it’s worth it for the way it makes Donghyuck moan into the sheets, turning his head so Johnny can see his mouth agape, panting, cheeks flushed as Johnny curls his fingers, once, then twice, and he comes with a stuttering gasp.

Beneath him Donghyuck practically melts, collapsing flat against the bed, and Johnny should feel the same—bone tired–but he isn’t. He’s never been more awake than he is right now, cock aching as he slips out from between Donghyuck’s thighs and into his own hand, red and pulsing against his palm. 

Donghyuck stirs beneath him, rolling onto his back so Johnny can see him in all his glory. Tan skin shining gold and pink, stained with cum and slick lube, red marks, indents in his hips from Johnny’s hold and chafing from the fabric of the bed. Johnny wonders if Donghyuck can tell how desperate he feels kneeling in front of him, above him, to ask: “Is this still okay, baby?”

He nudges against Donghyuck’s entrance, and even just that brief contact feels like too much, so good it hurts. It would be embarrassing beyond belief if he pushed inside Donghyuck just to come instantly. 

“I’m ready, if you are.” Donghyuck whispers

Of course he’s ready. More ready than he would ever admit outloud. It’s almost funny how different things are in this moment from when Donghyuck first approached him about this. He’d been so against it, but now he can’t really remember why….

“You don’t want me to wear a condom?” 

Donghyuck shakes his head. 

“No, I want to feel you.” Donghyuck murmurs again, and he sounds more alert now, eyes bright and focused on Johnny. “Just you hyung, please.”

Just you hyung. Just you. You, you, you. 

Donghyuck is still open and wet from Johnny’s fingers, so it’s easy, pressing inside, to give him what he wanted; just Johnny, buried all the way into the hilt, for real. He can’t bring himself to move at first, so instead leaning down to kiss Donghyuck. That’s special. Romantic. And it’s okay because it’s supposed to be, for his first time. 

He kisses Donghyuck like they were earlier, slow and sensual and with an insane amount of tongue. He blankets his body over Donghyuck’s and runs his hands over his soft skin anywhere he can reach. He tries to remember that no one else on the fucking planet has ever touched Donghyuck this way. Only Johnny. 

He gets lost in it for a moment, long enough that Donghyuck is once again having to pull him back to reality. “John? Johnny hyung?” 

“Hmm, I–I’m sorry baby, I just….” Got lost in you.

“I know.” Donghyuck brings his hands up to cup Johnny’s face, and Johnny realizes he’s breathing hard, a wild look on his face. He wants this just as much as Johnny. “But I need you, hyung. Please. I need you to fuck me now, okay?”

He stares back and brings a hand to Donghyuck’s wrist, squeezing once. “Okay.” 

He turns his head and kisses the heel of Donghyuck’s hand. “Okay baby.”

He starts moving. Just like when he was fucking Donghyuck’s thighs it’s hard to find a rhythm, but this time it’s not because of how slippery everything is, it’s because every movement feels too good. Johnny is so hard that every thrust feels like it could be his last, but he doesn’t want it to end so his hips are jerking, stuttering and stopping. It’s only when Donghyuck brackets his legs onto Johnny’s hips and digs his heels into Johnny’s lower back to steady and guide him that he finds the rhythm he’s been searching for. 

“It’s okay hyung, just like that.” he says, and so Johnny does it just like that. Keeps doing it just like that as he kisses along Donghyuck’s jaw, back and forth, working his way to his lips again to lick into his mouth. Keeps doing it as Donghyuck’s nails sink into the skin of his back and drag down his spine, leaving stinging marks in their wake. Keeps doing it when Donghyuck’s eyes roll back in his head and his mouth falls open. 

“Oh my god. Fuck, hyung!”

Johnny feels like a man possessed. Like he was made for just this one thing—to fuck Donghyuck. To take his virginity. To ruin him for anyone else. 

“Come for me hyung. Come in me.” he says, and so Johnny comes in him. 

With a low, guttural groan for what feels like forever, never breaking that tempo, letting himself fill Donghyuck until he’s spilling out onto his own cock, the sheets, the curve of Donghyuck’s ass. He buries his face in Donghyuck’s neck and ruts into him until he can hear Donghyuck crying through an orgasm of his own, his third. 

“Johnny, Johnny, please.  Johnny, oh my god.”

Thinking something is wrong—that maybe he’s pushed too far and overstimulated Donghyuck—he starts to slow, drawing back in effort to check on him but is pleasantly surprised when Donghyuck pulls him in again, squirming so they’re impossibly closer, so Johnny is buried inside. 

“No!” It comes out shrill and he clears his throat. “ Just… just stay right where you are. Please.”

“Of course.” Johnny is unable to help the slight smile in his voice. “Whatever you want.”

And he means it. Which is kind of insane. On some level he knows that Donghyuck could ask literally anything of him in this moment and he would do it. His dick twitches inside Donghyuck at the thought and he hears Donghyuck sigh. 

“I want you to stay… inside. Just for a while. I just want to feel you like this.”

“Whatever you want.” Johnny repeats. “But maybe just…”

In one swift move he flips them over, and Donghyuck yelps, staring down at Johnny before he starts laughing and Johnny can’t help but join him.

“You scared me!” Donghyuck huffs, annoyed,  and sits back so he’s straight up. It’s a pretty image, like he’s about to start riding Johnny, and Johnny can’t help but bounce him on his lap, just once. Donghyuck moans, then huffs again, albeit playfully this time. 

“Sorry, just thought we might both be more comfy this way.” 

He coaxes Donghyuck to lay back down, cradling him against his chest, still inside him. 

“Can we sleep like this?” Donghyuck asks, and Johnny’s heart feels full to bursting with desire, something possessive and animal and insane. “Of course we can.”

They shift around to pull the throw blanket over both their bodies and relax, Hyuck against Johnny and Johnny against the pillows. All around them the candles are burning low, almost spent, and it’s dark outside. Johnny wonders briefly what time it is, how long they’ve been together. He would check his phone but he doesn’t want to disturb Donghyuck who’s already snoring softly against his chest.

Instead he kisses the top of Donghyuck’s head, the unkept fluff there, and lets the sound be his lullaby. 

The next morning, they wake up, sticky and sore. Donghyuck groans, a soft, sweet sound that along with his fluffy hair makes him look like more of a teddy bear than a boy and he blinks slowly, opening his eyes to look at Johnny.

“Good morning hyung.” He whispers.

“Morning baby.”

Johnny maybe shouldn’t be surprised when he leans up and kisses him. It’s deep and soft, chaste; after a second, he breaks it off. “You taste bad, hyung.”

Johnny throws his head back and laughs as Donghyuck scrunches his nose in distaste. “Well you taste great. “ He murmurs. Of the two of them at least Donghyuck hadn’t gone to bed with the stale aftertaste of cum in his mouth.

Donghyuck smirks. 

“Well obviously!” They’re still pressed together although at some point in the night they’ve shifted to lay side by side, and Johnny’s dick is soft between his legs instead of tucked safely inside Donghyuck. “I wouldn’t say no to a shower, though.”

Johnny can’t help but agree. Sleeping in such close proximity has left them sweaty in addition to whatever other filth they’d fallen asleep in, but he’s also intensely aware that they’re in uncharted waters. The night before hadn’t been scripted, but it had been planned—they’d had an arrangement. But when they agreed Johnny would take Donghyuck’s virginity, there’d been no discussion of what would happen after. How to exist now it’s over.

Was it over? It’s a jarring thought and later it’s the one he’ll blame for what he says next.

“We could shower together, if you wanted to?”He watches Donghyuck’s face closely for any signs of blatant revulsion but he wears an open inquisitive expression, not negative and not positive. “Save the environment and all that?”

After a second Donghyuck smiles.

“Okay, but I’m gonna need to borrow…. Well, everything.”

In the bathroom, Johnny starts the hot water before finding a spare toothbrush and an extra towel for Donghyuck to use, mentally running through which of his clothes he can pull out after for Donghyuck to borrow. 

They brush their teeth first side-by-side and stare into the mirror, or Donghyuck stares into the mirror while Johnny stares at him. He leans in to check his reflection, examining his face, his stomach, before spitting in the sink and spinning around to check out his back side. 

“What are you doing?”

“I just thought…” Donghyuck stops, shaking his head. “It’s stupid.”

Johnny frowns at him through the glass. “No way. It’s not. Tell me.”

Donghyuck looks at himself again and then over to Johnny. 

“I thought I would… look different. After.” He blushes bright pink and looks away again. “I think maybe I just look dirty.”

“You do.”

He widens his eyes at Johnny, laughing and affronted. “Hey! You’re not supposed to agree!”

“No, I mean you do look different.” He hipchecks Donghyuck as gently as he can. “You look different to me, at least.”

Instead of fading Donghyuck’s bright pink blush intensifies, and he rinses his toothbrush in a rush before turning away from the mirror and Johnny to the open shower door. He mumbles something under his breath and Johnny quickly rinses before he hurries after him, plastering to Donghyuck’s back and holding him in a vice. 

“What was that?”

“Hyung, let me go!”

“No way! You’re keeping secrets!”

Donghyuck squirms. “I’m trying to shower hyung.”

Johnny doesn’t let go but he does walk them forward using his strength to push Donghyuck along ahead so they sort of waddle into the steamy cubicle together, then pull the door shut behind them. 

“So we’ll shower… once you tell me what. You. said.” He pecks Donghyuck’s cheek and ear in punctuation. 

“Not a chance!”

He can’t see Donghyuck since he’s facing away but Johnny can hear the defiance in his voice. So he leans back down to his ear, places a soft kiss on the skin there. 

“Tell me or I’ll make you tell me.”Donghyuck laughs so Johnny spins him around, pressing him back against the tiled wall. “You think I can’t?”

He rolls his eyes up at Johnny. “I’d like to see you try.”

Challenge accepted…

Donghyuck gasps as Johnny spins him back around so he’s facing the wall, making Johnny smile smugly as he leans down to kiss the nape of Donghyuck’s neck, and across his shoulders. He trails his hands down Donghyuck’s sides and slowly works his mouth along the center of his back, down to the base of his spine, then lower still. 

“Hyung?! What are you doing?”

Johnny kneads his hands over the swell of Donghyuck’s ass, gripping his cheeks enough to pull them apart. “Making you tell me.” He says and then leans in to lick his tongue flat across Donghyuck’s hole. 

“Oh my god hyung! Hyung you can’t!”

Johnny ignores him, licking another broad stripe over his hole before sealing it with a kiss. 

“Fuck, Johnny!” he whines as Johnny licks again, pressing with more force now; slow, quick, quick slow. “Fuck, fuck, I’m not… it’s not clean!”

He grins. “I know baby, that’s why I need to clean you up. I’m the one who made the mess in the first place, right?”

Donghyuck moans. “Johnny!” 

He’s protesting with his voice even as he pushes his ass back into Johnny’s tongue, so Johnny doesn’t stop, swirling his tongue around and around and around...

“Oh holy fuck. That’s… it’s…”

What it is he’ll have to find out later because Donghyuck trails off into a whine and Johnny smiles, flicking his tongue over Donghyuck, pulls his cheeks further apart then licks again, dipping his tongue in to coax him open, and sure enough Donghyuck’s hole flutters to life, making enough room for Johnny to fuck his tongue in past the rim. 

Donghyuck shouts, a sound of ecstasy.  “Oh fuck Johnny, please, please!”

Johnny does it again and again, licking over his hole, kissing it and nipping when it starts to close again. After a while he notices what’s left of his cum dripping out of Donghyuck.

“Am, I.. what is that?”

“My cum. I told you I got you all dirty baby.” he leans in to lick over Donghyuck’s hole, and the thin  bitter taste explodes on his tongue but he doesn’t mind. It reminds him of what they did—what he did to Donghyuck. Only Johnny. Ever. Only him.

“Let me take care of you baby. Let me clean you up.”

He doesn’t wait for a response, just buries his face between Donghyuck’s cheeks and sinks his tongue in his hole, wiggling it with little to no finesse in the mess he made of Donghyuck. He can barely breathe like this but he doesn’t stop until Donghyuck is shaking through another orgasm, painting the tile in front of him with his cum. 

When he does pull back it’s not without a final kiss to the now raw red of Donghyuck’s hole and he marvels as it opens and closes around nothing. 

“You’re so pretty here.” He murmurs, so quietly he hopes it’s lost in the din of the shower, but he must be fresh out of luck because Donghyuck spins around and pushes Johnny back onto his ass, and his leg flop out, and Donghyuck steps over them to straddle his lap. They’re both under the spray now, though it’s not as harsh from the floor and he fights to keep his eyes open as Donghyuck leans down, taking Johnny’s cock in his hand and whispers: “You’re so pretty here.”

It’s an echo of what Johnny said to him but he repeats it over and over as he jerks Johnny off to completion and through his orgasm. 

Once they can catch their breath they get back to their feet and actually shower, taking turns sudsing up and rinsing, trading the body wash, shampoo, and Donghyuck even bullies him into conditioning his hair with some of Ten’s fancy conditioner. 

They get out and drip onto the mat, toweling themselves off and then each other, which quickly dissolves into grab ass and snapping towels, dodging and stumbling into the living room. They’re both laughing so hard Johnny proposes a truce, offering to seal it with a kiss if Donghyuck agrees. It’s only once they’re kissing, towels falling to the floor forgotten, that Johnny remembers something.

“Hey,” he says. “You never told me.”

“Told you what?”

Johnny rolls his eyes. “What you said before the shower. Surely that counted as making you… right?”

Donghyuck looks up at him, an expression on his face like he’s trying to make a decision. The air turns serious, the tension pulling tighter and tighter as he opens his mouth to speak. 

“Johnny, I—”

Suddenly the lock on the front door turns and the door swings open to reveal Ten, who stops short with shocked, googly eyes looking at the two of them, naked in the living room. 

“Oh, no… please don’t stop on my account!” he says, dripping sarcasm. 

The tension snaps–gone just like that. Donghyuck squeaks and grabs his sodden towel off the floor, wrapping it around himself. “Sorry hyung.” he says, as he makes a mad dash for Johnny’s bedroom and leaves the roommates alone. 

Johnny whirls on Ten. 

“What are you doing here!?” he hisses. 

“At my apartment? Where I live? Good luck with that one Columbo!” Ten says with a roll of his eyes and Johnny fumes. “We agreed on a code word for when it was all clear!”

“Yeah, we did. A code word for when it was all clear last night! You didn’t mention this little tryst was going to be a two day matinee!”

He plants his hands on his hips, challenging Johnny. 

“You could have texted me, at least.” 

Ten laughs. “Oh, I double dog dare you to check your phone because I think you’ll find not one, not two, but at least thirty texts. Not to mention just as many calls! It’s not my fault you’ve been…” he trails off and looks over Johnny’s shoulder where Donghyuck disappeared. “Pre-occupied.”

“Shut up!”

Johnny’s cheeks burn as Ten cackles at him. 

“No! I mean seriously Johnny, how many times were you planning to deflower him, exactly?”

They’re interrupted by Donghyuck slipping back out into the living room. He’s dressed in one of Johnny’s shirts and a pair of shorts that Johnny doesn’t recognize, which means maybe they’re Tens or Mark, maybe even Kun’s. The clothes hang off of his shower damp frame revealing flashes of skin as he makes his way back over to them. 

“Hi Ten hyung. Sorry again.”

“No problem sweetie.” Ten says at the same time Johnny says, “Don’t apologize to him baby.”

They both whip their heads to Johnny and Ten mouths, BABY?  behind Donghyuck. 

“I’m gonna head out.” Donghyuck says, after a moment. “I’ll see you later hyungs.”

Wait what? He starts to walk away and Johnny forgets all about Ten, scrambling to catch up to where Donghyuck is already putting his shoes on, the boots mismatching his borrowed clothes in a way that would almost be funny if Johnny wasn’t trying to remain calm. 

“You’re uh, leaving already?”

Donghyuck looks up. “Yeah hyung. I have to get back to the dorm. Mark is kind of worried about me.”

It makes sense. Mark is a deeply nervous person. Plus he remembers what Ten said about trying to get a hold of Johnny. 

“Right. Of course.”

Donghyuck stands up. “But, hyung?”

“Yeah?” he says, sounding so eager it’s actually pathetic, then tries again, clearing his throat. “I mean… yeah?”

He looks up at Johnny with his wide brown eyes, sparkling and warm. 

“I wanted to say thank you. I know I sprung all this on you but you still….” He smiles shyly and Johnny stops breathing for a second. “It was really special.”

It was a privilege. An honor. Johnny was lucky it was him. 

Instead of saying that Johnny stays frozen as Donghyuck pops up on his toes to kiss him. It’s over in less than a second, and nothing like the kisses they’ve shared up until now. Nothing at all. “Bye hyung.”

And just like that he’s gone.

It was special, is the thing. Not just for Donghyuck but for Johnny too. He can recognize that, obviously. This thing between them was special until it was over—which it is now.

After Donghyuck leaves he stands in the empty entry way for longer than he’s totally proud of before he retreats back to his room. He strips the bed but doesn’t make it again, instead laying down with the throw blanket on his bare mattress, feeling pitiful but willing himself to sleep.

When he finally emerges a day later, Ten is puttering around the apartment. All the flowers have been gathered back into one big bouquet on the coffee table and all the candles have been scraped up and tossed into the garbage.

He fully expects Ten to make fun of him; tease him about seeing him naked, about Donghyuck staying overnight, about the kissing he saw. When it never comes he asks why and Ten just stares for a second before looking back down at his phone. 

“I’m not going to tease two consenting adults for having sex and enjoying it.” he says, as if it’s obvious. “Unless they ask, of course.”

He moves on but Johnny is left to contemplate that he’s hit the nail on the head. That’s Johnny’s problem, isn’t it? How much he enjoyed Donghyuck?

Okay… that makes him sound like an elderly, possibly Victorian, pervert, but it was true. He enjoyed Donghyuck. Enjoyed fucking him, kissing him, exploring him. Not to mention the frisson of pleasure he felt knowing he’d been Donghyuck’s first. 

His first—just not his last. 

That’s the awful terrible thought he thinks when he sees Donghyuck again the very next day. 

Just when he thought he couldn’t get any more desperate or obvious he washes and dries Donghyuck’s clothes he left, wrapping them in a Trader Joe’s bag and stuffing it in his backpack. He spends his day not in class but searching campus for Donghyuck, going so far as to bribe one of the other kids, Jeno, to tell him his class schedule. 

This ends up being extremely helpful and he finds Donghyuck right outside his next class, talking to some guy Johnny’s never seen before; tall and young and has floppy blonder hair that’s falling over his eyes. 

Logically this mystery guy is a classmate. They’re probably talking about their professor or assignments they have coming up. It’s probably nothing. Illogically Johnny ends up beside him, pulling Donghyuck in by the waist and he startles, looking up at Johnny. “Hyung?”

“Hey baby, how’s it going?” He smiles, trying to keep his face neutral. “You miss me?”

Donghyuck gawks at him before glancing at his classmate briefly. 

“Would you excuse us for a moment?” 

He yanks Johnny away, around a corner into a dark, empty hallway, and before Johnny can start to wonder how he knew it would be abandoned Donghyuck is hissing at him. 

“Johnny hyung, what are you doing here?”

Oh right. He slips his backpack off his shoulder and pulls out the bag of clothes. “You left these at my apartment.”

Donghyuck blinks, staring at the proffered bag. 

“And you had to bring them to me right this second?”

Johnny shrugs. 

“What if you needed them?” he asks, then glances back over his shoulder. “Who's your friend back there?”

Donghyuck knits his eyebrows together. 

“You mean Sungchan?”

Wait, the kid from the bar? Johnny hadn’t recognized him in the cold light of day. “Is that his name?”

“Yes Johnny, that’s really his name. Now are you going to tell me why you’re really here?”

Johnny hesitates. It’s the wrong thing to do because Donghyuck starts to bail, throwing a ‘thanks for the clothes, hyung’ over his shoulder, until Johnny grabs his wrist and pulls him back, closer this time. 

“Wait. Wait a second, I’m sorry.”

Donghyuck watches him. “Then tell me what’s up.” he holds up the bag Johnny gave him. “Surely this isn’t the only reason you needed to find me.”

Johnny shakes his head. 

“No, I… we didn’t get a proper goodbye. Before. When you were at my apartment.”

“A proper goodbye?” Donghyuck says it slowly, like he’s never heard those words in that order before. “What exactly is a proper goodbye?”

They’re inching closer to one another, and as soon as he’s close enough Johnny wraps his arms around Donghyuck’s waist. 

“It’ll be easier to just show you.”

He leans down into Donghyuck’s space and kisses him. Their kiss at the apartment, the last kiss, was chaste. Quick. This kiss is the opposite. So slow it might not even be moving unless you stopped to stare; deep and dirty in a way it shouldn’t be because it’s not going to lead anywhere. Not that Johnny doesn't wish it would.

Johnny holds tight to Donghyuck and relishes the way their bodies feel against each other, the way Donghyuck opens his mouth to taste Johnny. It feels like the kiss lasts a lifetime, and when they break apart Donghyuck sighs, high in his throat. One of Johnny’s favorite sounds in the whole world by one of his least. 

“Excuse me?”It’s Sungchan, standing awkwardly behind them and staring down at the floor, embarrassed. Johnny is gonna kill this guy. “Sorry to interrupt but class is starting Hyuckie.”

Hyuckie? Who did this guy think he was? Johnny can feel himself getting angry, and he’s about to turn around when Donghyuck squeezes the back of his neck, drawing his attention and calming him. 

“I have to go hyung.”

“Okay baby.” He whispers, mournful, and Donghyuck steps back. He wants to steal one more kiss. Only he knows one more would turn into two, then five, so he stops himself. “Have a good class okay?”

Donghyuck nods and shoots Johnny one last smile before following Sungchan, and all Johnny can think is that he still didn’t get his proper goodbye. 

“So are we past the point where you pretend you’re not totally into Donghyuck now?” Taeyong asks at lunch a week later. “Or are we still in the denial phase?”

Ideally it would be the latter. It had been nebulous at best, because who agrees to have sex with someone as a favor—let’s be real—but at least denial hadn’t hurt so bad. This whole being in touch with your feelings shit actually fucking sucks. 

It took approximately two cutwater espresso martinis and one Kay jewelers commercial for Johnny’s carefully constructed web of lies to unravel around him. He cried to Ten and then Ten called Taeyong and Jaehyun and they showed up to lie around the living room and listen to him wail about his own stupidity. 

He’s not exactly sure how long he’s been into Donghyuck like this, though Taeyong kind of hinted that he’s suspected since the second Mark and Donghyuck showed up with all their little friends for the first time and Johnny immediately started acting like he had no sense.  “I mean, you can’t even play guitar but you took Yuta’s to try and play Wonderwall for the kids.”

Johnny doesn’t remember that. But he can totally play Wonderwall—who do they think taught Mark!

“Or that time last summer when we were having a pool party and you walked into the pool by accident because Donghyuck took his swim shirt off.”

….God forbid a man try to make sure his Dongsaeng doesn’t get sunburned!

“Oh and then there’s the whole ‘you being his first kiss’ thing.”

“And he hand selected you to take his virginity.”

“Or that time you got drunk at a frat party and called Donghyuck to ask him to sing you to sleep.”

Johnny finally snaps. “Okay! I get it. I have a thing for Donghyuck! Thanks guys!”

Jaehyun grimaces and starts patting him on the back. 

“Sorry hyung.”

“No, it’s okay and you’re right it just…. Does it matter?”

“Of course it matters!” Ten frowns and scooches in close, taking Johnny’s hands. “What do you mean?”

Johnny sighs.

“If he wanted to date me why didn’t he like… just say that?”

“Oh what, like you told him you want to date him? Give me a break!” Taeyong rolls his eyes in his head and his body around on the floor to prop his head on his hands.  “You should just talk to him.”

“And say what?Hey, I think we should have sex again and date each other and maybe get married?” Johnny can hear the whine in his voice, knows he’s being obstinate, but can’t bring himself to stop. He’s also too busy pouting to see Jaehyun’s alarmed expression. “Okay, maybe start with ‘can I take you out sometime?’ or ‘I really like you’.”

“Or,” Ten says. “You could ask Mark. I mean if you’re so worried about getting rejected just suss things out and see if he likes you too. You know Mark would know.”

This piques Johnny’s interest. Mark would know. He and Donghyuck tell each other everything. Well after this weekend hopefully not everything, because he does not need his baby brother knowing he eats ass, but still… Mark would know how Donghyuck felt. If he’d be open to dating.

Finally, a good fucking idea. 

“Dating?”

Johnny nods. They’re at a local cafe, at one of the two seater sweetheart tables in the window. It’s a beautiful day and the sun is shining through the leaves of the tree just outside, casting a pretty dabbled light over the green walls and the cheap formica table tops. He offered to take Mark to lunch here because he likes their egg salad sandwiches. Absolutely diabolically gross, but Johnny needs him distracted to interrogate him about Donghyuck, and he would do anything for love. 

Wait. Does he love Donghyuck? Is that insane? He instantly hears Jaehyun’s voice in his head: Yes, it is insane. Please just try dating him first. 

Right.

“Yeah, you know. Does he date? Does he want to date?”

Mark takes a bite of a carrot stick. 

“Sure, I don’t think he’s like… looking right now?” He shrugs. “I don’t know, we were talking about the double date tomorrow and he sounded less than excited.”

A double date? Tomorrow with Donghyuck? Why would you agree to go on a date when you don’t want to date… why go on a date you’re ‘less than enthused about’?

“Huh?”

“Yeah, Donghyuck called and got the table but he was complaining about it the whole time. I told you about it right, the date?”

“I uh, I don’t really remember.”

Johnny would have remembered, even before he fully realized what he felt toward Donghyuck. Sure he would have written it off as some kind of overprotective older brother bullshit but there’s no way he would’ve just completely forgotten. Luckily he doesn’t have to say any of that to make Mark tell him again. 

“Yeah it’s a double date, Renjun said he would come but asked if we could do a double date just to keep things low key for the first one and invited his friend Sungchan.” 

Mark blushes, and normally Johnny would tease him or pat himself on the back for noticing Mark’s crush before he told Johnny officially but he’s distracted by that name. Sungchan. God he was everywhere. Getting in the way…. 

“Haech says it’s a good thing. The double date means Renjun wants to take it slow, which means he must really like me.”

Did Donghyuck really like Sungchan and was just playing hard to get?  Sungchan has been following him around like a dog. Maybe that’s what Donghyuck wanted but was trying to take things slow, like Renjun. 

“Hyung? What do you think?”

Johnny blinks Mark back into focus. He’s still blushing and he looks awkward and nervous and god, Johnny is the worst brother in the world. 

“I think Donghyuck wouldn’t lie to you baby bro.” 

Mark finally smiles and proceeds to spend the rest of their lunch talking about Renjun and how nervous he is until: “What should I wear?!” said with a look of terror like he forgot he’d have to dress himself. 

Johnny drives him back so he can panic try on everything he owns and as they make their way across town he can’t help but ask. 

“Where is the date?”

“Oh, huh? Finelli’s…” he says, distractedly, too busy searching ‘chill guy date looks’. 

On the way home Johnny tells himself he was just asking because he wants to be a good brother. That night he tells himself he’s really happy for all four of them. The next morning he looks it up, but only because he wants to make sure it’s a good spot. In the afternoon he starts stalking Mark’s location. Again, just trying to take care of his brother, make sure he makes it to the restaurant on time—6:30 if the way he starts walking to the parking lot around 6 is any indication. Once Johnny is in his car, GPS programmed to take him to Finelli’s, which thankfully only has one location, it gets harder to convince himself of any pretense besides maybe he’s deeply mentally unwell. 

It’s just that he can’t stop thinking about it. 

Ever since Mark told him that Donghyuck is going on this date with Sungchan he’s been picturing it in his mind. Picturing Donghyuck all dressed up—for Sungchan. Sungchan opening doors and pulling out Donghyuck’s chair. The two of them falling in love over never ending breadsticks because now that he’s had sex Donghyuck is ready to try and find the person he really wants. Not someone he negotiated a deal with almost five years ago, but someone who wants him just for him. 

Because he doesn’t know that's Johnny. 

Johnny wants Donghyuck. All of him. For sex, for dating, for a head over heels forever type of romance. He wants to kiss him in the morning before, during, and after brushing their teeth. He wants to be the person who rubs suncream on his shoulders. He wants to be the person who Donghyuck turns to when he really wants to hear Wonderwall in the wrong key. 

It’s insane and delusional, he knows, but as he gets out of his car and walks into the restaurant he just keeps telling himself he has to try. That, maybe, if Johnny can tell Donghyuck all that, he will change his mind about Sungchan and go on a date with Johnny instead. 

The hostess is on the phone, head in the reservation book, so he slinks past and along the far wall lined with booths. It’s a regular Italian place. Perfect for a first date. Not too quiet, not too loud, with a real candle at every table and the kind of menus that are in little books. 

Johnny hates it. 

 It only takes him a second to spot Mark, Renjun, and Sungchan at a table in the center across the room, making conversation over the tops of their menus, and Johnny starts walking. There’s an empty seat between Renjun and Sungchan that must belong to Donghyuck, but where is he? The bathroom, maybe?

He doesn’t have time to figure it out before Mark spots him, faces paling as he looks at Johnny. “Hyung? W-what are you doing here?”

The other two turn to him and suddenly three sets of eyes, all some level of confused, are staring at him—waiting for a logical explanation for him showing up here, but jokes on all of them because there isn’t one. 

“Uhm.” Shit. He really hadn’t thought about this part. Hadn’t thought of much of anything except ‘Donghyuck, Donghyuck, Donghyuck’ like a prayer. “Donghyuck.”

Mark’s eyes widen even further and he groans. “Hyung, you’ve got to be kidding me!”

“Look guys, I’m really sorry to interrupt. But uh…” He clears his throat. “I was going to wait for Donghyuck to get back, but look Sungchan,”

Sungchan looks shocked to be addressed so directly, and he gulps like a comic book character. 

“I’m sure you’re a great guy. And Donghyuck is a great guy too. You guys would be… super cute.” He has to grit his teeth but he just manages to get it out. “But I came here because I need to tell him how I feel, that I really like him. I might even…”

Mark squeaks. Right. Dating first. Be normal.  

“Well, the point is I like Donghyuck, so much, and I want to date him. I know you do too Sungchan but—”

“You like Donghyuck?”

The question, asked in a tremulous, quiet voice, comes from behind. Standing off to one side, watching the scene unfold is a shorter guy with tawny, brown blonde hair and a turned up button nose. He’s wearing a pink polo shirt tucked into jeans with a nice belt, and an expression like he just found out Santa isn’t real. 

Johnny looks at him, then looks back at the others, whispering, “Who the fuck is that?” Sungchan ignores him. 

“No!” Sungchan stands up, knocking his soda into his lap in the process, staining his chinos like he peed himself. He holds out his arms like he can physically pull back whatever Johnny just did, pushing his chair back and stepping toward the other boy, almost tripping over his chair in his haste. “I don’t like Donghyuck. Not like that, I swear I don’t! I like you!”

‘Taro’ doesn’t seem to hear Sungchan though because he runs off, tears streaming as he weaves through the sea of tables, and Sungchan shoots Johnny a dirty look before taking off after him. It’s then that Johnny realizes they’ve attracted the attention of at least every single table around them, if not the whole restaurant so he sits in Sungchan’s abandoned seat and ducks his head down. 

“Who was that?” he repeats. 

Renjun looks at Mark who seems frozen in place and then back to Johnny. “That was Shotaro. Sungchan’s date.”

Johnny frowns. 

“I thought Donghyuck was Sungchan’s date.”

Renjun shakes his petite head, and Mark suddenly reanimates. 

“Oh my god hyung! Why would you fucking think that?!” He bangs his head down on the table and Johnny’s jaw drops open. Mark never swears because their grandma told them once it makes her sad. “You told me! You said he called and got this table.” he says, and Mark groans again louder than before.

“Donghyuck worked here last semester. He called to get us a table because he knows the hostess.” Renjun says, politely. 

Oh. Oh. 

“Oh. Shit. I’m so sorry, I just—” He cuts himself off. Everything he could say sounds like an excuse. “I’m sorry. I should go.”

They don’t stop him as he gets up, but Mark sends him a text on the way home saying he’s not really mad, just embarrassed because he wanted to impress Renjun, which only makes Johnny feel worse. And he deserves it. He ruined two dates for what? 

When he gets home he’s thankful to find Ten isn’t there. He showers in cold water, just to torture himself a little, then goes to sit on the couch planning to stare into space, contemplate where exactly he went wrong and how he’s going to make it up to… well, everyone…but is interrupted by a frantic knocking on the door. 

Rap rap rap!

He doesn’t want to answer, but then he hears it again, rap rap rap, accompanied by a voice this time. 

“Hyung! Open up! I know you’re in there!”

It’s Donghyuck. 

“Open the door Johnny hyung!” Rap rap. 

Johnny has no choice but to let him in, stepping aside as he barrels past Johnny. “Is it true?” he asks, as he storms deeper into the living room. “Did you really go to the restaurant?”

He looks beautiful even when he’s mad. His normally warm brown eyes are narrowed, shining with anger and his mouth is twisted up like the words taste bad. “I–”

“Did you really–” he cuts Johnny off. “Break up two perfectly good dates? Cause a scene in a public place? Is that true?”

There would have been no avoiding this confrontation in the long run, but Johnny certainly hadn’t expected it to come so soon. He’s not prepared mentally to handle making a fool of himself and getting rejected back to back. 

“Look I know you’re mad, you have every right to be, I know that too. But if you know the why–” 

Donghyuck crosses and uncrosses his arms like he’s powering up to something. 

“Yes!” he exclaims. “You need to tell me why! Why would you do something like that to your brother? Our frie—!”

Johnny kisses Donghyuck. Steps into his space, grabs his heart shaped little face, and kisses him. At first Donghyuck stays frozen against Johnny’s mouth, but after one honey slow beat of Johnny’s heart he kisses back. Their mouths meld together and Donghyuck reaches up to wrap his arms around Johnny’s neck, pulling him even closer, which feels like a pretty good sign. 

When they break apart Donghyuck blinks up at him, not angry anymore but slightly pink and bewildered. He searches Johnny’s face with his eyes, licking his lips absentmindedly and then: “Tell me why you did it.” he whispers, and Johnny has no choice but to tell the truth.

“I thought he was on a date with you.”

Donghyuck’s breath catches, Johnny feels it as much as he hears it. His look of confusion disappears then reappears again. “Wait… he as in Mark?” Donghyuck screws his face up like that’s the grossest thing he can imagine and Johnny doesn’t mean to laugh, because it’s not funny really, but he does. 

“No, as in Sungchan.”

“Johnny hyung…” he trails off with a roll of his eyes. “I told you Sungchan is a friend. He likes Shotaro, who’s in my lit class.”

Having a second confirmation does ease Johnny’s mind a little, but still he protests. “He was all over you in the bar.”

“So were you,” Donghyuck says with a giggle, but Johnny doesn’t laugh so he rolls his eyes again. “Fineee…. He was buttering me up to try and get Taro’s number.”

Johnny is just about to extol the many ways in which Sungchan still could have been after Donghyuck, when he continues. 

“Actually, he was… he was joking around about making you jealous.” Donghyuck’s cheeks flush bright pink and he looks down at his shoes—or rather Johnny’s chest, since they’re still standing against one another. “It was a joke, but then you really showed up and… well anyways. All my friends know how I feel about you.”

It sounds like a confession. Too good to be true.

“How do you feel about me?”

Maybe it’s selfish to ask, to expect his dongsaeng to bare his soul without revealing his own feelings first, but Johnny needs to know for sure that this isn’t all just about some deal. About owing each other. Either way Donghyuck pulls away in a huff, turning his back to Johnny and burying his  face in his hands with a groan. 

“Come on hyung… don’t make me say it.” He takes a deep breath, the silence stretching around them, cradling them—what Donghyuck says next. “I like you. I’ve liked you since I was sixteen and you kissed me just to be nice.”

His voice shakes. 

“I like you so much that I was willing to make you do it again.”

Is that what he really thinks? That Johnny only slept with him to be nice? He wants to be shocked and outraged but it then clicks that he’s been thinking pretty much the same thing. That Donghyuck wanted to cash in a favor. That that’s all he wanted from Johnny.

“It’s the same for me, you know,” He swallows hard. “All my friends know how I feel about you too, baby.”

Donghyuck snaps his head up and he turns back. “What?”

“I said my friends all know that I like you too. They came over and reminded me about all the times I acted stupid because you make me stupid. They helped me understand what I’ve been feeling and they told me I should confess.”

He takes a deep breath. 

“So, I want to tell you Donghyuck: I like you. I like you and I want to be with you.”

Donghyuck opens his mouth. Steps forward. Stops.

“This isn’t a trick? Or… you’re not just doing this because you feel like you owe me?”

“Baby, it was never about owing anything, it was always about you.”

As he says it he realizes just how true it is. This has always been about Donghyuck; how much Johnny is drawn to him, thinks about him. How much he likes him. They probably would’ve always ended up here but he can’t help but feel grateful for the stupid I.O.U. He takes a step forward, halving the space between them. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner.”

Donghyuck takes another step and they’re practically back where they started, a hairsbreadth between them. 

“I’m sorry too. Maybe if I’d just been honest from the beginning…”

“I guess we shouldn’t waste anymore time, huh baby?”

He takes Donghyuck’s face in his hands, caresses his cheek, and Donghyuck stares up at him, almost in disbelief. “I can’t believe that psychic was right,” he murmurs, just as Johnny kisses him. 

Kissing Donghyuck like this feels different, better than before, which is really saying something. There’s a part of Johnny that wants to take it slow, to map out every inch of Donghyuck from head to toe with his mouth, to memorize his body with the tips of his fingers, but it’s outweighed by the part of him that feels like he’s waited too long already. 

“Come here baby,” he says even though they’re already kissing, lips moving in sync, and wraps his arms around Donghyuck, picking him up just to hold him tighter. “Could never get close enough to you.”

Donghyuck hums in pleasure, tightening his own grip on Johnny, arms around his neck and fingers woven into the hair at the crown of his head, and he pushes his tongue into Johnny’s mouth. It’s sloppy, no finesse, but Johnny chases the feeling with his own tongue. 

They sway together, kissing like that until the momentum forces Johnny to take a step, and Donghyuck pops his legs up onto Johnny’s hips, giving them enough stability for Johnny to walk them back, one, two…six steps into his room. 

He turns and sits on the edge of the unkempt bed, Donghyuck straddling his lap. Now that he doesn’t have to think about supporting Donghyuck or keeping them upright he lets his mind and his hands wander, over the planes of Donghyucks back down to the rounded curve of his ass.

“Oh, hyung.”  Donghyuck grinds down, breaking the kiss just to breathe in Johnny’s air, foreheads pressed together. “Fuck!”

Johnny arches up. “Is that what you want, baby?”

Donghyuck nods, frantic, reaches down between them to undo the button on his jeans. 

“Just like this. Please hyung. Don’t let go.”

He couldn’t even if he wanted to. It feels like Donghyuck has inexplicably become his center of gravity, like Johnny’s become magnetized to him. He nods. 

“I won’t baby, I won’t.”

Before he has time to wonder how he’ll manage to keep that promise while they’re still dressed Donghyuck shows him. He pulls his knees to his chest, feet planted by Johnny’s thighs, and pushes his bottoms off his hips and over his knees in one swift motion. When they’re down by his ankles, stretched taut like a seatbelt across Johnny’s lap he pulls out one foot then the other, whipping them off their laps and across the room in the blink of an eye, leaving Donghyuck naked from the waist down. 

Johnny is so impressed by the maneuvering he has to fight the urge to clap, only abated by his desire to do what Donghyuck told him and not let go. Instead he uses it as inspiration, leaning in to kiss Donghyuck as he holds him up with one arm above his lap and uses his free hand to push his own jeans down around his knees, exposing his own ruddy erection before he sets Donghyuck back down. 

He stops kissing Johnny and looks down between them, at their dicks standing at attention side by side. He watches in awe as Donghyuck spits into his hand and wraps a hand around Johnny before pressing in even closer to Johnny, wiggling in his hold. “Come on hyung.” he says, working his hand over Johnny’s sensitive cock before popping up on his knees. “Come on.”

Even as he begs for Johnny to fuck him, half clothed and raw with no prep, he sounds sweet. Even as he spits again, down onto the head and then uses his thumb to work it around and into the slit. Even as he lines it up against his hole. 

“Just like this Johnny, give it to me, please.”

“Anything you want, baby.”

He keeps hold of Donghyuck’s waist to guide him as he sits on his cock. Pushing in without prep isn’t easy but Donghyuck doesn’t seem to mind and he even presses down, impatient to get Johnny all the way in, and shaking almost imperceptibly in Johnny’s hold when he is. He kisses Johnny even more sweetly than before, peppering kisses over Johnny’s mouth and his cheeks and up to his ear, murmuring ‘wow’ over and over again while Johnny rubs soothing circles into his hips. 

“I didn’t think I could have this again.” He whispers, and with all of Johnny nestled inside, he finally melts a little, limbs relaxing. Hearing that, Johnny shakes his head, nuzzling his face and into Donghyuck’s neck. “It’s yours,” he says. 

“What is?”

Johnny uses his leverage to roll his hips. Not quite a thrust, but something to let Donghyuck know what he means. “This. It’s yours.”

He blushes, but repeats the movement. Donghyuck sits up to look at him, breaking into a sly smile as he realizes what Johnny is trying to say and he grinds his hips down.  “You mean this?”

Johnny nods. 

“Your cock is all mine?”

Johnny nods again, arching up, perfectly timed with Donghyuck grinding down again. Johnny groans as the movement sends a wave of pleasure over his body, and if the way Donghyuck’s mouth falls open with a surprised laugh is anything to go by, he feels it too. Johnny can’t help but smile. 

“You can have it whenever you want.”

“Show me.” Donghyuck whispers, licking back into his mouth. “Show me, Johnny.”

He lets himself be kissed by Donghyuck as he begins to work his hips, trying not to move so much that they’re separated. Partly because Donghyuck said that’s what he wanted and partly because it feels so good to be plastered against each other like this, almost impossibly close. His brow is sweaty and his legs and abs ache from the effort but it’s worth it to let Donghyuck feel his love, his devotion. Worth it for the way Donghyuck whines, pulling Johnny’s hair as he starts to grind down to meet Johnny’s hips again and again and again.

“I’m close.” he says, almost bouncing now. “I’m close, and when I come then you can come. Show me how much you like me, okay hyung?”

Johnny nods. Donghyuck then him. Donghyuck first. “Yeah, you first baby.”

“I’m so close. Then you can fill me up. I liked that so much last time. Like you were making me yours from the inside out. I’m so close Johnny.”

He’s talking fast, wound up with desire. His face is bright pink and gorgeous, head thrown back enjoying the ride, and Johnny takes the opportunity to lick up the long line of his tan neck and nipping at the skin just below his ear. 

“Oh, oh fuck, fuck!” Donghyuck moans with another incredulous laugh, like he can’t believe how good he feels, and he comes, splattering Johnny’s stomach white and clenching down hard enough that Johnny can’t help but follow after, filling him up like he was told. 

Donghyuck rewards him for waiting by kissing him through it, gyrating his hips until Johnny’s cock stops pulsing inside him, and Johnny can feel his cum leaking out of Donghyuck, making a mess between them. 

“See? You made me yours.” Donghyuck says, and he sounds so happy Johnny could die.

They clean up after, wiping down as best they can with whatever clothes are nearest on the floor, and close the doors to Johnny’s room before crawling into bed, still naked. Donghyuck curls up beside Johnny, resting his head on his chest, and Johnny strokes his hair. It’s peaceful and quiet. No candles this time, no sultry music, just each other. The sound of their breathing. 

It’s only then that something occurs to Johnny and he furrows his brow. 

“Hey baby?”

“Mmm?”

“What were you saying before? About a psychic? You said they were right about something.”

He sees Donghyuck’s eyes go comically wide before he  turns his head, tucking it halfway into Johnny’s armpit with a groan. 

“Baby?” He pops his head back up and his hair is a fluffy mess, so Johnny smoothes it down, tucking it behind his ear and trailing a finger down his neck. “What is it?”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you.”

“What, why?”

Donghyuck’s cheeks are turning redder by the second and he looks like he’s trying to stop from laughing.  “Just… Can you trust me? It’s nothing bad, just embarrassing honestly.”

Johnny considers. 

“But you will tell me? Another time?” he asks, and Donghyuck nods, biting his lip to keep the laughter in. 

“I.O.U?”

Johnny’s life as he knew it ended on a Thursday at 12:15pm, but begins again on a Friday almost three weeks later at 8:34pm. He nods, planting a kiss on Donghyuck’s lips like a promise.

“I.O.U.”

After all, it’s kind of their thing…