Chapter Text
It was hard not to think about anything other than placements nowadays. Job placements, home placements, soulmate placements. It was the final step – the placements. And it was all anyone could talk about. Anyone other than me, it felt like.
As the crowds of people exited the Study Hall, I could hear echoes of their excitement around me. It almost seemed like multiple people were talking at once, all about the same thing. Their life on the big day.
Their twentieth birthday, to be exact. The final day of your adolescent life and the beginning of your completely assigned adulthood. From then on, everything was an expectation. You were expected to marry no later than twenty-three. To have your first child by the age of twenty-five. To be done having kids by the age of twenty-eight.
A checklist is what it was. A list of items that made you a qualifying and functioning member of Teleios society. A weird obligation that somehow all of my peers were excited about. It didn’t make much sense to me. Rose’s dark hair danced in the afternoon breeze, her face turned as she spoke happily with Kason. I could hear her bragging about her mock debate. Kason listened to her dutifully. His light eyes gleamed with pride as she recounted her day.
Although they did not dare hold hands with so many people around, their arms dangled closely to each other as we walked. Their fingers almost brushing. Like they wanted to interlace, but knew they could not.
This was something I could not understand either. Why bother yourself with dating if there was no point? It did not matter who people dated. It did not matter if Rose and Kason really liked each other, or even loved each other. If the system did not put them together, then they were doomed.
I did try to date, once. Or I guess, someone tried to date me. On my sixteenth birthday, I had only been entered into the dating pool for a few hours before I was approached by no less than five of my classmates who were previously eligible. It was strange, I remember feeling like they were waiting for me. The dating pool opens, but you have to wait for your classmates to age into it, so the options for dating are limited for a while. I was one of three girls among twelve boys.
I only said yes to one.
Finn had been my only other long-standing friend. He was a few months older than me, scrawny and awkward. I can still remember to this day how red his face got – a few shades brighter than his hair. He didn’t even look real to me; it didn’t feel real to me.
“Where would you like to go?” He asked me once the shock of my acceptance had worn off.
“The Recreational sounds alright.” I shrugged. Some of my classmates watched from a distance as we chatted. I crossed my arms around myself and cupped my shoulders in an attempt to protect myself from their gaze.
“Rey.”
“Yes?”
“We always go to The Recreational.” He sighed and twisted his hands awkwardly.
“Yes, we do.” I didn’t see the issue with spending time at the Recreational. It was very common for young people to spend time with their friends there. That’s what we were, friends, at least to me.
“Okay.” His response came out stiff as he turned away from me. I tried not to think about the number of eyes on me as he left. It was always weird to me that something that was once praised as intimate was so public. Dating was highly encouraged during the four-year period, but it felt almost like a requirement. A few teachers side-eyed me, taking the interaction in for themselves. Strange.
I didn’t entertain the idea much after my first date with Finn. It felt wrong, sitting at the table, chatting over our cups of pop without other people. Intimate, but required. It was just another aspect of the system, the society, that I couldn’t understand. I was not – am not – in a rush to figure out who I will live and die with. The dating seemed impractical, foolish. There wasn’t any point in trying to find a connection if the system was guaranteed to find one for me. Why waste the time?
Although we remained friends, Finn and I did not go on another date.
To other people, I’m sure having to wait this long with no inclination as to who your soulmate is would be stressful. Although I did not gather that at the way people talked too loudly about their future jobs, homes, and families. I had to stop myself from frowning at how pointless it all seemed. If they wanted to know so badly, why didn’t they just request their soulmate cards?
Anyone could do it, at any time. As soon as you were eligible for the dating pool, the system had already cultivated a match. Based on years of testing and close interactions with your classmates, your forever spouse would be just mere inches away. But why didn’t more people request their cards as soon as they wanted to?
Were they just so enamoured by the mindless dating that I couldn’t understand? Kason laughed loudly at something Rose said, her cheeks tinged pink as people around us stopped to glance at them. If either of them requested their cards, it would be detrimental. So what was the point? Why torture yourself with mindless dates if the likelihood of being married off to someone else was nearly guaranteed?
I knew why I refused to request mine.
If it was already predetermined: where I would live, what job I would work, who I would love – why would I sacrifice the few years that I could be guaranteed freedom?
As soon as you’re old enough to understand, the tests begin. Standardized testing is designed to understand who you are, what you want, what you’re good at, and where you belong. To others, it might have seemed routine, but to me, the pressure was far greater. It made the future feel impending, not exciting. You spend years testing, thinking, and performing in hopes that all of life’s difficult questions would be answered. As soon as I turned eighteen, I decided not to think about it anymore. At least not until I had to again.
Two years did not seem like enough time away from it all. Especially since all any of my peers could talk about was their lives when they got their placements. It was isolating sometimes, being that I felt like I might be the only one anxious with anticipation. Sometimes, when I thought about my twentieth birthday and receiving that card in the mail, it filled me with dread. I wondered if I had any time to get to know myself before the system did.
“Hey, are you feeling okay?” Rose touched my shoulder lightly, bringing me to the present. I hadn’t realized in the midst of my ruminating I had stopped walking. Kason and Finn stopped as well, their heads tilted as they examined me.
“Yes, I’m okay. Just thinking,” I offered. I knew it wouldn’t be enough explanation; the three of them together were hard to shake.
“Thinking about what?” Finn adjusted the bag on his shoulder. He was much taller now; I had to crane my neck the slightest bit to look directly into his eyes.
“The future,” I smiled tentatively.
Rose stepped closer, touching her shoulder to mine. Our bags collided and awkwardly knocked against my hip. It didn’t matter that we had completed secondary school; we were highly encouraged to continue studies in our preferred field to keep our skills refined. It was all in preparation for our lives in society. Everything leading to becoming a contributing member of our great city. Everything is highly encouraged, intimate, forbidden, expected – all so strange.
“About your soulmate?” She teased.
“Not necessarily, my life after my soulmate, I guess.”
“Job placement?” Kason asked. Placements, all anyone could think about. I nodded anyway.
“You’re going to get placed perfectly, Rey. I wouldn’t stress.” Finn nodded; something strange glimmered behind his eyes. Some sort of hidden meaning behind his words. I glanced around at the other people as they trickled from the study hall in an attempt to pull the conversation away from me.
Almost everyone adorned the same dark blue blazer that we acquired just before high school. Some removed the blazer and lounged against the brick walls in just their dark blue trousers and plain brown tops. Different variations of the same outfit blended together in an overwhelming sea of blues and browns.
I caught our reflection in the large window of the study hall. I tried not to think about how dull we looked in those same colors. Even my hair was only a couple of shades darker than the brown of my shirt. How the warm glow of Rose’s skin was almost washed out by the surrounding environment. Maybe if I leaned up against the bricks of the building, I would blend in, disappear, and leave this entire life behind. Soulmate and all.
“Rey,” Finn called to me now. Rose’s dark eyes squinted at me in worry. I smiled again. I tried desperately to swallow the anxiety that worked its way up my throat.
“Sorry. I’m just a little tired.” He nodded slowly at my response. Rose didn’t seem convinced.
“We’re going to The Recreational later. Will we see you there?” He said the words slowly.
I squinted at him. “Worried I don’t know the way, Finn?”
“Oh no,” Kason sighed. “Do not start you two.”
Rose’s mouth lifted at the corners. “I wouldn’t bother her too much, Finn. She seems to be in a mood today.”
“I am not in a mood,” I scoffed. “I’m tired.”
“You’re distracted. Like you always are.” Finn said. He hiked his bag a little higher on his shoulder as the group walked toward the train stop.
“And you think you are the smartest person out of us.”
“I am the only person who chose math. I believe it does make me more observant.”
Rose stopped her walking now to turn and face Finn. “You’ll be working numbers, alright. Counting polls when I’m running for City Council.”
“That will take you years to achieve. I’ll be working numbers for city officials as soon as I’m placed.”
“Don’t underestimate how long she can hold a grudge for.” Kason looked amused, but serious.
“Or how well my memory is. I still remember how awful your hair looked when we first met.”
I laughed at the memory. We’d just completed our fifth year in school. Finn, Rose, and I had the same schedule but hadn’t really become friends yet. I’ll never forget the fateful day when we were all seated together for our meal. Or how awful Finn's hair was. He would tell us some time later that he stuck it in the sink in the morning in an attempt to tame it.
“I don’t take kindly to threats,” Finn said. His cheeks tinged with pink.
“Then don’t make an enemy out of me.”
“Or me,” I chimed in. “I’ll tell my father to ban you from using the trains. Then you’ll be walking to the Recreational tonight.”
“You two are impossible together,” Finn grumbled.
“You do start it, Finn.” Kason shrugged.
Finn pushed past us, resuming a brisk pace to the shuttle stop. Kason and Rose fell behind us, walking at an identical pace. I stared at Finn's shoulders as we moved. The sounds of whispers and soft laughs from my friends just over my shoulder taunted me. They seemed happy, and that made me curious at the very least. If maybe I had followed their example, continued seeing Finn, then I too would be trapped in the bliss of infatuation. Perhaps that’s why it all seemed pointless to me. I had never tried to give it meaning.
Too many of our peers had followed us to the shuttle stop. I glanced nervously at the electronic sign that displayed the next train's arrival. Only minutes away. More and more people flooded the stop. Everyone would fit with ease, and it would be a little time before I was at my stop. But the conversations about the future continued, overlapped voices talking about work and children. It made me anxious. I was starting to feel uneasy at the idea of being trapped with it all.
“I’m going to walk,” I blurted.
Finn’s attention snapped to me immediately. All annoyance seemingly forgotten. “What?”
“I need the air,” I shrugged.
“Alone?”
I squinted my eyes again, “I do not live far, Finn.”
“Actually,” Rose stepped next to me. “I’ll go with you.”
“What?” Kason asked now.
“I wanted to see if your father might be available for a meeting, if that’s alright.”
I raised an eyebrow at her. “Today?” Although I’m sure my father would be available and unbothered, this was very short notice.
“Yes, I’m sorry I didn’t mention something sooner. I have a mock debate tomorrow, and the way your father conducts himself in debates is something to be emulated.” Rose was always an opportunist. I was so used to her constant need to advance and outperform her classmates that I couldn’t even be surprised by her request.
“He will be happy to speak with you,” I said. Because he would. My father loved his job, and being able to mentor anyone to carry on his legacy, even if it was just for a mock debate, was something he would not pass up. Opportunist meet opportunist.
“Well,” Kason looked between us. “I would go with you guys, but my house is in the opposite direction.”
“Don’t worry, we’ll see each other tonight. Remember?” Rose gave Kason a wide smile.
“Right.”
“And I’ve got to help my little sister with her math homework, so I’m happy to take the train,” Finn grumbled.
“Are you sure, Finn? I think Rey might need escorting to the house she’s lived in her entire life.” Rose clutched at her chest as her breathing accelerated dramatically.
“I might get lost,” I agreed.
“Okay,” Kason stepped protectively in front of Finn. “You two really are impossible together.”
Rose snorted at him, knocking her shoulder against his as she walked past the two of them. Finn continued to watch me with careful eyes. I tried not to ponder too much about what he might be thinking, or what he might want to say.
Finn had not dated anyone else since our single outing either. I tried not to think about what the reasons for that might be. I could only hope that Finn’s reasons were similar to mine, that he would not be bothered by it all. Yet the way his opal eyes watched me, continued to watch me. I didn’t need to turn around to know that his eyes were still on me as Rose and I walked away from the train stop.
It was not much relief to get away from the crowds of young adults. The only thing that occupied Rose’s mind was her placements. She talked loudly about how excited she was about the prospect of working for the city council. It was years off, like Finn has said, but that seemingly did not deter her. Rose talked about her future as if it were the present.
“You’ll write my speeches for me, of course.” Rose gave me a sideways glance. It stunned me that she mentioned me at all.
“Me?” I had been working in historical and political literature since I could remember. I was proud of my work but unlike Rose, I didn’t have big aspirations. When I thought about my placement, I hoped I would end up at the Secondary school or the Study Hall. Somewhere familiar.
“Yes, you! You’re the best writer in that class!”
“It’s not really a class, it's a continuing education course.”
“That doesn’t matter.” Rose waved her hands around as she spoke. “You are a thorough and well-rounded writer. I would not have anyone else by my side.”
“That’s…” not what I wanted. “Very kind of you. Thank you.”
Rose was my friend, and I was grateful to know her. Yet, when I thought about my life, my placements. I wanted to be as far away from politics as I could. It was my everyday, and both of my parents being government officials was the most I could handle. I supported Rose; I wanted what was best for her. But I could not work alongside her. I couldn’t work for the city.
I suppose I would be working for the city regardless, but I could not be like my parents. Rose was the perfect candidate. Finn was good at math. Kason was a brilliant student of science. I wanted calm and quiet. I refused to think of it much more than that.
Although it was impossible. Sometimes when I really thought about it, I couldn’t pinpoint where my trepidation came from. Was it because so much of my life had been dedicated to a system that would categorize me for the remainder of my existence? Or was it the reality of being torn away from all that I knew about my daily life and thrust into an entirely new and decided routine? I could not determine if I was relieved that all of life’s hardest questions were already answered or apprehensive.
All of those years of tests to receive a lifetime on a simple card in the mail. Then a home, a family, work until death. How could anyone be so enamored by that?
Rose stopped suddenly. I looked at her, afraid that I might have missed an important part of her ramblings. She stared off into the distance, in the direction of her home.
“Are you alright?”
“Yes,” Rose’s eyes fluttered. “I’ve forgotten something.”
“Something important?”
“Yes, actually. I’m sorry. My mother…” Rose trailed off. I was struck with an instant understanding. Rose’s mother was very strict. Appearance was necessary in Teleios. It was easy for me, given my father’s status. Others were not so lucky, and social appearance was an everyday commitment.
“I’m sorry, Rey.” She shook her head. “I forgot my mother requested my help with settling some of my brother’s affairs. He hasn’t been home since he committed himself to the Enforcement.”
Not necessarily a tinge on their appearance, but a blemish nonetheless. It would soon be forgotten that Rose’s brother removed his status from society to commit to the Enforcement. It was said to be a purposefully isolating experience, oftentimes ending contact with family completely. It was necessary to ensure the utmost performance from Enforcement officers.
It worked, I assumed. There was never an Enforcement officer who was out of place. Never a mishap, missed curfew, or misspeaking that wasn’t caught and dealt with by those very soldiers. Silent, observant, and brutal. It seemed absolutely necessary to remove all emotional ties to be as ruthless as they were – no matter how little those emotional ties may be.
“I understand.” I was slightly relieved. I wouldn’t have to watch her and my father mock-debate each other across the kitchen table.
“I will see you at the Recreational, okay?” Rose was already walking in the direction of her home. I waved my hand over my head at her.
“Yes, see you soon.”
It was nice to be truly alone and away from all the placement conversations. Despite my best efforts to ignore that line of thinking, it was impossible to ignore it forever. I eventually ran out of clouds to count. Every house looked the same, identical to the last. Dull shades of sand on exact plots of grass.
I tried to think about the contents of my studies today, intricate details about the war that would eventually lead to Teleios' existence. I already knew most of the details, but I wrote notes anyway so that I could make ease of the paper I was supposed to write later. Even though I knew the notebook was packed safely away in the bag I wore over my shoulder, I still lifted the flap to make sure it was in there.
Then I too started thinking about my placements. Not of my excitement, but my apprehension. Not only did it all seem contrary and dull, but it was approaching too quickly. I tried hard many times to muster feelings of anticipation, satisfaction at being so close to the future I’d spent my entire life preparing for. Instead, I hoped for more days like this.
Walking with my friends, even if they talked about things that I couldn’t relate to. Watching dull homes with matching occupants pass by at a leisurely pace. Going home to my parents and brother with little to no cares in the world. I did not have to care anymore – all my tests were complete. The waiting should seem like a reprieve, but each passing day felt like torture.
I loved the city, just like my parents did. Aside from the fact that they were often involved with Teleios affairs, my parents encouraged us to be grateful for the life the city provided for us. After all, it is the only home I have ever known. I had been raised to trust the system to take care of me, as it had my family and the families before that. So underneath it all, that was easy. The system had proved useful and accurate in that matter. My parents were a great example.
Afterall, there was always the option to leave. My eyes found the earth just past the lines of homes, in the far distance, rolling and endless. Lifeless. Where would you go?
No one was forced to stay here, at least that’s not what they taught us in school. You had the option to leave should you so desire – but without the assistance of the city, how would you survive? I had never heard stories of people opting to leave. I couldn’t imagine anyone being anywhere but here. No matter how uniform it may all seem, everything was guaranteed. Everything was promised. There was nothing beyond the confines of the city, the drying dead earth just outside city limits proved that.
Then there were those who opted for the Enforcement. A rare occurrence, I supposed. Before Rose’s brother, I hadn’t known you could willingly enlist yourself. Those who were enlisted were typically criminals of the city. Forced to pay their respects in silent servitude. Though I’m not sure if the silence was expected. They never did speak.
Leaving the city had never crossed my mind, but the idea of life outside the limits intrigued me. Past the brown buildings and pristine grassy areas, there was an even duller and drier nothing. I could not help but wonder, where did people go when they left the confines and safety of Teleios?
As our home came into view, I tried not to think about how it looked identical to all the other homes on our street. The only differentiating feature was the silver numbers that shone in the sun, just above the door. Forty-three eighty-eight, I knew the numbers without being able to fully see them. I stepped into our pristine green lawn and crossed straight down the middle. A small gray cube sat tucked just by our door. I rolled my eyes, already knowing what they were.
I pulled my pants up slightly so I could squat down enough to lift the box up. The meals inside jiggled noisily as I adjusted my footing. I sat the box awkwardly against my hip. Not that I was concerned about anyone taking them, but they were our family’s meals for the week. Cassian never brought them inside; leaving for me to gather when I happened upon them.
Finally, I forced the front door open, “Cassian!” I called. “Was it too much to grab the meal box on your way in?” I kicked the door closed behind me. I wrestled the box uncomfortably in my arms and made a desperate move for the kitchen counter. Upon entering the kitchen, my back stiffened at the additional presence in our home.
My parents sat in the living room, facing Organa. My father’s long-time friend. They sat decorated in ash gray uniforms, a definite way to pick those who worked in government out in the usual crowd.
The drab color of their outfits looked overwhelming in the stark decoration of our home. The white walls and floors, with different blue and brown items to accent it. Although my parents had adorned these uniforms for years, it was always alarming how the fabric stood out even inside our own living room. Seeing a third person draped in the same smoky ensemble made my insides turn.
My posture straightened impossibly further as I placed the box down, “Organa, sir, welcome.” I lowered my head in greeting.
“Rey!” He smiled brightly, “Please, no formalities with me.” His eyes crinkled as he greeted me. He was older than my father and I think this is the first time I had truly noticed it. His hair was almost empty of color and his cheeks hung lower than I remembered.
I nodded but did not respond as the conversation in the living room picked up again. Surely about something work-related. I approached Cassian who sat at the kitchen table, papers spread along the surface in front of him. I placed my bag in the chair next to his and faced him with a raised brow.
“Sorry about the meals. I hate the way they smell.” He smiled at me sheepishly; the smile made his dark eyes squeeze ever so slightly.
“So, you’ve said. The smell will never change, and I will not be here forever to haul them inside,” I scolded playfully. I placed the palm of my hand over his dark hair, nervous to show affection with Organa around, as it was frowned upon to be affectionate in front of those not related to you.
“You’ll be here forever. I will probably find my soulmate before you do.” He snickered at me and knocked my hand away. I felt my cheeks flush lightly at the statement. I was in no rush to find my soulmate, I’d made that abundantly clear. Still, Cassian’s comments made it impossible not to feel like an invalid for not deciding otherwise. He seemed eager enough.
“I guess I shall hope you’ve got one,” I said. “Speaking of, how did your exam go today?”
“Fine, I guess, you can’t really fail them.” He stated matter-of-factly. Cassian was only fifteen; he would be introduced into the dating pool within the next year. The thought of him taking some girl on a date made my heart clench.
“I guess you’re right.” I had never heard of anyone failing a soulmate exam. You just have to be as accurate as possible so they can match you with someone in the system. The school went over the soulmate exam process plenty of times. The tests were administered in order to find your perfect life partner; to lie would put you with an imperfect match. That seemed like a more terrifying circumstance than any other repercussions that could occur for lying on the exams and getting caught.
“Yes!” My father shouted, crossing into the kitchen, and my attention turned toward him. He grabbed the meal box by the corners, pulled the top apart roughly, and dug around the contents. He raised his eyes momentarily and made a gesture for Organa to come over.
“I asked for something special this week.” My father beamed as he continued shoveling through the box. This, typically, was not allowed. My family managed to get away with it because of my father’s title.
“To congratulate our friend here on his promotion!” He shouted and pulled a bottle from the box with a final, glorious wretch of his arm. The bottle was plain, and I could see a liquid sloshing around inside. The top of the bottle was covered in a silver foil.
“A promotion? Organa, how wonderful.” I smiled lightly at him as he stepped closer into the kitchen.
“Hopefully, not in the running against Palpatine.” My mother called as she too, stepped into the room. She looked up at me momentarily, her eyes almost the same pale color as her uniform. I noticed how tightly we were wrapped around the counter. I made a sidestep into Cassian, where he remained seated at the table.
“Elara, your husband is the best damned Vice President Teleios has ever seen. I’m afraid I would fail in comparison.” My father clasped the older man on the shoulder, just above the triangular patch, and gave it a firm shake.
“My time may be coming to an end either way.” He said with a sad smile. He reached into one of the cabinets and began placing glasses on the counter. Organa reached across wordlessly and handed one to my mother; he offered one to me as well. I shook my head lightly, a polite refusal.
“What are you talking about, Father? The people will vote for you again.” Cassian chimed in from his place at the table. My brother raised his chin high as he spoke, resembling our father in almost every aspect. Not only did they look eerily alike, but they acted the same. I’m sure he would get placed in politics, just like our father, and maybe even run for Vice President himself.
Vice President was the only interchanging leadership role the people of Teleios could vote for. The role of the President only changed when the current one died, and even then, it was not up to the people. That decision was made internally.
“For a third time? You think?” My father asked as he distributed the mysterious liquid into the cups.
“Are you kidding?” My mother chimed in, “The people of Teleios love you.”
“Yes, and only one other Vice President has been reelected twice,” Cassian said. Everyone hummed in agreement. Although there was no limit to the number of terms a Vice President could run, most never got reelected more than once.
There were never elections for the role of President. The decision was made by the Teleios Councilmen who would take on the job. I cannot remember the last time a new President was introduced, not that it mattered; the people of Teleios never saw the President. I wonder sometimes if he even existed.
“Enough about me,” My father declared. “To Organa.” He raised his glass to the ceiling and then to his lips. Organa and my mother followed suit and sighed into their drinks. This was certainly a treat. I could tell by the slump in their shoulders.
A light knock brought back a sudden rigidity to their posture. Cassian stood wordlessly and made his way to the foyer. Unplanned visitors normally meant government officials and potentially the Enforcement. The idea of those nameless, faceless, and heartless people coming into our home made me shudder. If the point of the armor was to make them more intimidating, it worked. I had only seen them from a distance, but it was enough,
“So, you were promoted,” I tried to clear the air. “Where to?”
Organa swallowed audibly, “Head of the Soulmate division.”
“I thought soulmates were decided by the exams?”
“They are. We draft up those tests, track the results, and make sure everyone has been matched. Not to mention – someone has to get those soulmate cards in the mail.” He flashed me another toothy grin. I didn’t realize how much went into the matching of one person to another. I had just assumed it was all input into a computer and spit out onto a card.
Cassian returned, “There is someone at the door for you.” He patted my shoulder and sat back down in the wooden chair. His behavior seemed relaxed, as I tried to guess based on his demeanor who might be waiting for me. Finn’s face flashed through my mind, bringing back the frustration from earlier. Surely he would not be here so early without some intention of prying into the reasons for my mood earlier, at least that is the only thing I can imagine he would be here for. The tenderness that I so loathed was making another inappropriate appearance right on my doorstep. I dreaded it.
I glanced at my father, who was already looking at me curiously. It wasn’t common for people to show up at our home unannounced, let alone looking for me. I shrugged my shoulders, trying to appear calm, and nudged my way through the small crowd inside our home. If it were urgent, Cassian would have told me that at least. There were no more officials attempting to cram inside our home, which was comforting enough.
As I approached the door, my anxiety settled even further when I caught a glimpse of the same blue and brown uniform. Those colors confirmed to me it indeed was not an official or The Enforcement. I pulled the door open more and met Rose’s dark, worried eyes. Her usual sleek black hair had been replaced with wild strands; her disheveled look almost startled me. How did she get here? Did she run? We only separated just moments ago.
“Rose.” I lowered my head toward her, and she returned the gesture. “Are you alright?”
I wasn’t expecting to see her until after dinner, at The Recreation, as we had agreed. I could sense her panic the closer I’d gotten, but I was not sure. She rocked nervously on her feet, and her hands closed around herself, then released over and over again. I closed the front door in an attempt to give us privacy from my family inside. She still had her bag; had she not gone home yet? I looked up and down the street in search of what may have brought her here in such frenzy. It was empty and eerily quiet.
“Rose?” Her eyes were wilder somehow. “Tell me what’s happened.” I thought about getting my father; she probably needs his help. Her mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. I could see moisture beginning to gather in her eyes. I looked around again, this time for anyone who might see her in this state. So emotional, so public. I was starting to feel anxious.
“Rose, please. Tell me what’s wrong.” My hand rested on the doorknob behind me, ready to open it and get assistance from anyone at this point. Maybe she was having some sort of medical emergency.
Her unsteady hands reached for the flap of her shoulder bag. All too slowly, she revealed the cream envelope addressed to her. In one motion, I snatched at her wrists and twisted her around so her back was facing the door of the house. I hoped I could shield her from anyone in the street.
“Why did you bring that here?” I snapped quietly.
“I don’t know I…” She stared at the envelope in her hands. “When I got home, the flag was up on our mailbox. I thought maybe it was from my brother. But the color, the font used for my name, it’s just like the textbooks.” Her fingers traced her name on the surface as she spoke.
“Rose, this is - inappropriate – you shouldn’t have brought this here. You need to go home and open this with your family.”
“There are no rules against this.”
“No written rules,” I stressed. I didn’t know if she could get in any trouble for this, but I was not willing to risk it. Events like this were too intimate to share with anyone other than your immediate family. She knew this, I knew this, everyone did.
Although Rose and I were friends, I never imagined her being so blatantly defiant. Outside my home, that conveniently held the Vice President and the newly elected Head of the Soulmate division. All of my senses heightened, listening, looking, even smelling for something that would put us in danger.
She made a move to lift the seal, a small golden sticker with a pyramid in the middle. I clapped my hands over hers and pleaded with my eyes. She slapped the back of my hand firmly and finished opening the paper. She dipped her fingers into the open envelope and slipped out her card. She examined the gray plastic carefully. I watched moisture build against her lower lash line more intensely this time.
I glanced behind my shoulder to make sure no one was watching, “What?”
She placed a hand over her mouth and turned the plastic around to face me. I cringed at the motion but read over the contents quickly. My eyes immediately landed on the bright-eyed boy’s picture just below his name. A twinge in my chest, uncertain and unfamiliar, as I read the name just to confirm. In large, block letters inscribed on the card were Finn’s name and address.
I didn’t get the chance to fully process what that might mean, because the front door swung open behind her and her arms dropped to her side. There was nowhere to tuck her now, no place she could conceal the contents or her intention for being here. She snapped her hands behind her in an attempt to hide the documents. It was too late because there in the doorway stood Organa, who looked between the two of us in shock.