Chapter Text
"Ahhh!"
Monica snapped awake, panicked as it took her a moment to fully orientate herself in the darkness.
"Jesus, Mon," she looked up to see Chandler's darkened figure standing beside the bed, a hand clutched at his chest, "you gave me a fricking heart-attack. What the heck are you doing here?"
She tried to make her own heart beat slow down, tried to calm herself, "Sorry, I...Rachel was entertaining Joshua and…"
"Ew," he shook his head. "Say no more, I don't even wanna imagine what they're doing with those poor pompoms."
Smiling slightly she nodded in agreement before frowning, "Wait, what are you doing here?" she asked, sitting up slightly, it was still dark out. The nightstand clock confirming it was only shortly after 1am.
"Me? It's my bedroom," he retorted.
"I mean why aren't you with Emily? It's your last night together and I didn't think you'd be back…god she's not here is she?" Monica asked as fear overtook her at the thought, "I can explain! I'll tell her that-"
"Relax, she's not here," he dismissed with a sigh as he sat on the edge of the bed, "In fact we kinda broke up."
Feelings of disbelief, hope and guilt filled her simultaneously.
"W-what?" She questioned surprised; she'd genuinely thought that this thing between them would keep going and that they'd stay together.
He shrugged a little self-consciously and didn't offer much else.
"I'm sorry," she consoled him, and part of her genuinely was. She didn't want him hurt by this, she didn't want him going through more heart ache. "Do you want me to go? Let you have your bed back?"
"Nah, you're alright," he told her as he started to casually undo his shirt buttons, "We had a really good talk about stuff," he admitted, peeling off his shirt but leaving on his tee as he stood, taking a few steps away and turning his back to her to take off his pants.
Warning bells suddenly started going off in her head. She was meant to spend the night getting over him, try to find a way to come to peace with the fact they'd never be together. Yet here he was practically getting naked in front of her, about to crawl into bed beside her? No, it was too intimate, far too much, she couldn't cope with this. Not tonight.
"You sure you don't want me to leave?" she asked, desperate to not be in this situation. "Rachel and Joshua should be finished and…" she started to get up.
"No," he dismissed, "It would be nice if you stayed actually, hung out a bit."
She swallowed hard, "We don't usually hang out in your bed," she pointed out, fully awake as adrenaline and dread started to rush through her veins. How was she going to get out of here?
"Eh tomato, tomah-toe," he waved easily as he climbed under the covers.
A silence settled over them and Monica held herself rigid, trying to come up with an excuse to leave. To get out of his bed and get the hell out of dodge.
"We both thought it was for the best," he spoke his confession quietly into the dark and she knew she'd have to stay and listen. That's what best friends did, listened whilst their friends poured their hearts out and he deserved it from her, no matter how much it would undoubtedly hurt. "It's been a great couple of weeks, really great but it's not going to go any further. Neither of us are….'there' you know? It's been fun but she was looking for a holiday romance and I was on a rebound. Besides, there's other people and-"
"Other people?" she quickly questioned, confused but immediately interested.
"And," he continued as if she hadn't interrupted him, "Neither of us would want to do the long distance thing, especially not as it was just a bit of a fling. So, it finished amicably and it seemed best to just hug it out and say goodbye. No point drawing it out and spending the night together, or at least what was left of the night."
"What other people?" Monica repeated.
"Oh, apparently she's seeing some guy back in England, Colin or Craig or something, I wasn't really paying attention to be honest."
"She's dating someone else?"
Monica was shocked, she would never have guessed. She was amazed that Chandler was taking it so well given that he was cheated on not that long ago and the heart break that had caused him. Why wasn't he freaked about being the other guy? Why wasn't he at least angry or pissed at the woman?
"Ye-ah, it isn't that serious though, she'd told him if she met someone over here that she'd have some 'fun' and apparently he was cool with that. I don't know, it sounds kinda weird to me but if it works for them then who am I to judge?"
She thought he had every right to judge and although she was still unnerved by his casual attitude she didn't purposely want to upset him, so instead settled with a quietly murmured, "It would have been nice of her to let you know."
"Eh," he shrugged slightly. "She knew I was on the rebound."
"Wait, you said 'people'," Monica pointed out, a new tension filling her body. "The English guy is singular so who else?"
"Well, between you and me, I think she has a thing for your brother."
"Ross?" she screwed up her face. "Really?"
"Yeah," he shrugged again, "I think she's a little gutted that she met me first and not him. Thinks they would have a lot in common, which I can kinda see, I mean he would have probably appreciated that stupid door-knob museum."
"True, but I don't think Rachel would have been too pleased," she mused.
It was his turn to pull a confused face, "Isn't the reason you're over here because she's over there, with Joshua?"
"I don't think that would make any difference to Rachel," Monica pointed out lightly. "It's complicated."
Chandler merely nodded, knowing all too well just how complicated the Rachel/Ross saga was. It went quiet for a few long moments and Monica wondered if he was going to try and get some sleep.
"There's someone else as well," he finally confessed, his voice soft.
"What?" Monica's eyes widened in shock as she turned to him, "seriously she's got another guy? You, Colin and Ross aren't enough? Please don't tell me it's Joey because..."
"It's not Joey," a small smile touched his lips before quickly disappearing as he searched for his next words. "It's not another guy, no that came out wrong," he said quickly frowning, "what I mean is it, uh there isn't another person for Emily…the other person is for me."
"Oh," she said quietly, trying to process what he meant. "I-"
What was he saying? That he liked someone else? Already? From Kathy to Emily and now onto someone else? What if it was Janice? What if after they bumped into her in the nail bar she'd phoned him, talked to him, reawakened feelings? What if Kathy had been back in touch, wanting to reconcile or what if fate just really hated her and he had randomly bumped into his soulmate on the street between Emily's hotel and here. A lump caught in her throat and she told herself not to cry, she couldn't, not here with him lying next to her.
Besides, so what if there was some other girl? She was meant to be getting over him anyway. No way could she put her heart through this again, she wasn't strong enough. She just needed to get through this next conversation, pretend to be happy for him and then wish him good night. He'd fall asleep and she could escape across the hall to safety where she could break down and curse any gods still awake at this hour.
"How long have you been in love with me?" he asked softly and she jerked in surprise.
Frozen she didn't speak, couldn't. Had she heard him right? Blood drained from her face, her heart beating painfully in her chest. Was this a dream? A nightmare? Dear god this couldn't be happening.
"Mon?" he asked quietly, barely above a whisper as he turned on his side to face her. She could feel him studying her as he propped his head up with his hand but didn't know what to say. Instead she shook her head. "You can talk to me," he whispered softly, gently. "I get why you didn't think you could before and I'm sorry you went through all that."
She squeezed her eyes shut trying to block everything out as she trembled slightly. She refused to let the tears fall and refused to answer him. She didn't want this conversation, not tonight. Not when she was at her most vulnerable. In a couple of weeks, when she was in a better place, when she was over him and had some closure…maybe then she could look back at this moment in her life but not now, not whilst it was so raw.
"Talk to me," he pleaded and she felt his hand on her cheek, his thumb brushing away the tears that had managed to leak through, "please?"
She knew she couldn't avoid him, she couldn't lie to him not when he was this close to her and using that soft concerned tone that always tugged at her heart strings. She was trapped and out of options.
"I'm sorry," she finally choked out her confession. "I didn't mean to."
"Mean to what?" he prompted gently, his hand still lightly cupping her cheek as she tried to ignore the feelings it was evoking.
"Fall in love with you," she whispered, swallowing hard.
This was so difficult, harder than she could have imagined.
"When did it happen?" he asked curious, non judgementally. "Before or after Kathy?"
"During," she admitted guiltily. "I tried to ignore it, tried to get over it but I couldn't and then Emily came along."
"And now it's my turn to be sorry," he confessed causing her to open her eyes and meet his own for just a second before averting her gaze to the ceiling, "If I'd even had the slightest hint that you felt this way I wouldn't have even looked twice at Emily."
She sighed, trying to keep further tears from falling. This isn't what she wanted. She didn't want his pity.
"Chandler-"
"No," he shook his head, wanting to finish, "See, I needed a distraction, she took my mind off everything but I'd take it all back in a second if I'd known what it was doing to you, that it was the reason you'd been so down lately. I never wanted you to get hurt by it, never."
Fresh tears started to fall and her heart started to fill with such a deep love for the man. Monica allowed herself to bask in the warmth for a brief moment. To bask in how much their friendship meant to him, how much she meant to him. Even if she never had him as a boyfriend she was his best friend and she was damn proud of that fact.
"It's not your fault," she promised.
His hand lightly stroked her cheek before cupping it.
"Yes it is," he said firmly whilst gently turning her face and waiting for her to meet his eyes, "I should have figured out what was bothering you. You're my best friend, I should have worked it out myself long before tonight."
Knowing he wasn't to blame for any of this and hating that he was feeling guilty she shook her head, "I tried to hide it."
"I know," he offered her a sad smile, "I know but you shouldn't have had to, not from me, never from me. I'm the one person Mon, your person. You know that right?" Drawn into his intense blue eyes she could only nod. "I meant everything I said in the past, about wanting to be your boyfriend, about the single at 40 deal, about you being the most beautiful woman I know and being my favorite...I've wanted to be with you since forever."
Monica stared at him, her brain unable to comprehend what she was hearing. Did he...could he mean?
"What are you saying?" she practically begged, needing to completely understand, her heart unable to take any false hope.
He kept his eyes locked on hers, "I'm saying if you want to be with me then I sure as hell want to be with you."
She couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"Y-you're serious?"
He offered her a cute little smile, his hand brushing her cheek before moving up into her hair, lightly stroking, "Of course I am. I've always had a little thing for you, always knew how amazing you were but never thought you'd ever want me."
She swallowed, still not quite believing this was actually happening.
"This, this is crazy," she muttered.
He chuckled, "It is," he agreed, "this whole day, these last couple weeks, hell this last month have all been pretty out there," he then turned serious again. "Can we take this slow, like really slow? I'm not the guy that goes from one relationship straight into another and then another...I'm usually the guy that can't even get a girl. Look, I rushed into things with Emily to distract me from everything that happened with Kathy but just give me a bit of time to actually deal with everything that happened before we do this? I- I've wanted to be with you for so long and I don't want to jump into it and risk screwing it up over some leftover baggage I forgot to check out."
"O-of course," she nodded, still in awe before her smile grew wide, "I'll give you as much time as you need and help in anyway, I-I just still can't believe this."
"I know," he nodded, seeming just as dumbstruck, "I know."
They stared at each other a little longer letting the realization that this was real gradually wash over them. Then slowly, tentatively they leaned forward, closing the gap between them as their lips met for their first kiss. She couldn't get over how soft and gentle they were and how good he tasted. As his lips softly caressed hers she realized that the man could kiss! Pressing forward, she deepened it as she desperately tried to memorize how he felt, in case it was all just a dream.
After they broke apart they stared at each other a little longer, a shy matching smile curving on both their faces.
"That was..." he started, then licked his lips, "well, um, it was..."
"Yeah, it was," she grinned, taking him in as she tried to take in what had happened tonight. It was huge. "I, uh I should probably go," Monica said after a long moment, still smiling.
"Don't you dare," he grinned, his arms sneaking around her waist, frowning as his hand hit something. "What's this?" he murmured, grabbing it and knowing before he even pulled it out from the covers. "Humut? You cheating on me already? Sorry, that isn't funny."
Monica smiled as she watched him study the old bear, his hands running over it's face.
"Should I even ask?" he eventually questioned.
"I needed a hug," she admitted slightly embarrassed, "and as you weren't around I thought he was the next best thing."
He nodded, contemplating the stuffed toy in his hands for another moment before he grinned up at Monica, "Well, I'm around now..."
With that he tossed the bear over his shoulder and onto the floor.
"Chandler!" she chuckled in protest and he laughed, pulling her into his arms.
"He'll get over it," Chandler dismissed, as he pressed another kiss to her willing lips.
She closed her eyes sinking into the kiss, loving the new exciting feelings that she was experiencing. The happiness, joy and lightness seemed almost alien, a stark contrast to the emotions that had been crushing her recently.
As the kiss ended she met his sparkling eyes, his own happiness obvious and she couldn't help but feel almost euphoric.
She'd never expected this, never.
Suddenly a yawn broke through his smile and he grinned apologetically, "Sorry, we should probably try and get some sleep."
"Are you sure you don't want me to go back to my own bed?" she offered. "If we're taking this slow..."
"We're just lying next to each other," he dismissed, tightening his arms around her. "There's no rules against that, it's hardly counted as nookie."
"Nookie?" she teased his choice of vocabulary.
"Besides," he ignored her, "you're all warm and comfy," he demonstrated by cuddling her with a contented sigh.
"I know but-"
"Mon," he turned slightly serious, "you've been through so much lately, let me at least be there for you now...I can give you that hug you needed? Please? Stay?"
She swallowed, strong feelings of love and gratitude for him threatening to overwhelm her.
"I'll take that as a yes," he smiled lopsidedly, pecking her lips one last time before closing his eyes, "G'night, Mon,"
Still in awe of the entire situation it took her several moments before she could finally respond.
"Good night, Chandler."
Loving the feeling of being held by him, loving the comfort and security she snuggled further into his embrace, her head nestled in the crook of his neck. She felt him press a light kiss to her hair and she smiled, closing her own eyes she let her senses be filled with Chandler.
She knew she wouldn't be able to comprehend this in the morning.
She knew it would take a while to fully accept that the heart ache was over and this was beginning.
But, she also knew that for the first time in weeks she'd be able to sleep contentedly with Chandler wrapped around her and a large smile on her face.