Chapter Text
Jax hated himself for being here. He didn’t mean it; he just pressed the location twice, and here he was. Back at the bar. On a stool, waiting as the bartender slid over an ice-cold beer. He fucking hated his own guts.
He took a swig as he shivered, feeling the alcohol flood his veins, and yet he felt even more numb. He looked at the bartender,
“Hey, get me a bottle of Jack,” Jax said, hating the words coming out of his mouth as the NPC follows his command,
“Alright, but right now that’s about two hundred dollars, with the 3 six-packs and 2 bottles.”
“Put it on my tab,” Jax said, seeing the NPC shrug and walk along. Jax sighed, and uncorked the bottle as Pomni bursted in, “Oh great, what can I--”
WHACK!!! Jax was knocked onto the floor as Pomni stood over him,
“You B(#^!&d, get up!”
“You’re f#!%ing crazy!” Jax said, rolling away as Pomni swiftly followed. Jax took his bottle and smashed the end, just as Pomni smashed hers, “Are you nuts--”
“I stick my neck out--” They argue as they swung fists and broken bottles, Jax feeling the cuts that drew no blood as they brawled it out, the bartender just repeating his idle animation as he stared on,
“I didn’t ask you to be my friend!” Jax said, “I told you to just leave me alone!”
“I didn’t give you a choice, A$$#0!%!!!” Pomni said, charging into him as they crashed through a window, back onto the street. It wasn’t downtown, so it didn’t become a glitchfest as Pomni and Jax stood back up. Pomni balled her fists, ready to pounce, to beat the crap out of some sadboy know-it-all. But then, Jax dropped his arms,
“Fine, beat the crap out of me. I don’t care.”
“Fight back!” Pomni said, dashing forward, but froze as Jax stood there, staggering in place as he was obviously wasted, “Come on, what’s the act this time?”
“What?” Jax said,
“Aren’t you the funny guy? Or are you the sad guy now? Or, were you the crazy guy earlier for pressing the red button!?”
“I thought you--”
“I’m still p!$$ed at you! For all of it, Jax! And for all of that, you just leave? Dip out on us because of some stupid phone!?”
“IT’S NOT THE PHONE, JUST F#&%ING DROP IT!!!” Jax roared out, anger in his throat as he tried to catch his breath in between the sobs, trying to stop the tears as he shook his head, “You all have jobs you hate, families you hate, but I don’t have that out there, Pomni. I HAVE NO ONE. THE. END!!!” Jax said, huffing in place, “So are you gonna beat the hell out of me, or what!?”
“N-no one?” Pomni said, lowering her fists, “What do you mean--”
“What is this, therapy 101? Do I have write down in a notebook how I’m feeling, or can you just LEAVE ME ALONE!?!”
“No, what happened?” Pomni said, causing Jax to look down and away from her, “Jax… Do you… Think you deserve to be here? In the circus? For what?” Jax shoulder’s fell as he walked over to the stairs of the bar, sitting on the top one as he looked out into the woods ahead, the highway leading to the main city cutting the two lands in half as he holds in his sobs. Pomni sits down next to him, as she sees the Jax that walked away from her at the end of the Gun Game.
“I… I…” Jax held his hand to his mouth, tears streaming down as he holds his sobs, “I had a… D-daughter…”
“You… You did?”
“She… Was the most girly girl you would’ve ever seen. She was a princess who loved tea parties and… Dollhouses and ponies… And everything was pink, I mean everything.”
I knocked up a girl I dated in high school before she ditched me with princess. Had to drop out and move out from my parents, of course, they didn’t want to help with my f#$% up, but how could she ever be one? S-she… Was my princess, I was her knight… and it was just us against the world.”
I worked double shifts, anything to get her through school. But then… I got stressed out, took up smoking, the cornerstore’s closed, and… I’m here!” Jax said, waving his arms out to the bar, feeling his soul cringe at himself, “Smoking and getting drunk, driving home after a day where I just wanna die. And the highway I took, there were barely any cops, so I would just drive home straight from the bar.”
And then… There were times when I couldn’t get anyone to watch her, so I took her to work with me, told her to stay in the car, and color. I would drop her off straight home… But… God I’m stupid, stupid, stupid--”
“What happened next?” Pomni said, cutting Jax off as his lip quivered,
“… I figured it wouldn’t hurt. I took her to the bar with me. She played on the pool table while I downed shots,” Jax said as his hands started shaking, “We drove home, she was in the back with her seatbelts while I, the dumbass, drove with no seatbelt. And she loved when I would swerve on the road.”
“Oh no,” Pomni said under her breath,
“I could see miles ahead, there was nothing ahead, no one. And I kept swerving, she kept laughing. And then… Then a f#%!ing deer comes out of nowhere, scares the fuck out of me, and I swerve into a tree,” Jax looked down, sobbing madly as his breath ran ragged, “I launched out of the car, cut to hell, landing in a pile of f#%!ing leaves. I rush back to the car, a-and… A-and…”
Jax breaks down, crying madly as he screams and wails. Pomni looks on as the wretch that Jax was, is, and will continue to be, for that’s what he sees himself as. She, hesitantly, yet firmly, places a hand on his shoulder, letting him let it out, all of it out. And for what she sees, years of emotional buildup just pouring out as Jax wept for his daughter.
After an hour or so, Jax had stopped, looking into space as he felt lost. He closed his eyes and glanced over at Pomni, still there, her hand still on his shoulder, and looked back down,
“T-the judge… Let me off easy with just 10 years… Said I was ‘punished enough,’” Jax sneered at those words, almost with feral rage, “I was on probation, doing odd jobs here and there. I had to move because no one would look at me, let alone talk to me. Who would? Then I was told to help clean out some abandoned building for some scrappers, found a headset, and… Here I am!” Jax mustered up the last of his funny guy schtick for the last sentence, letting his body lie limp as it sat on those stairs, “So yeah, you can beat the hell out of me now. It won’t be enough.”
“Jax…” Pomni leaned in, hugging Jax. Jax scoffed, somehow chuckling,
“I told you why I’m a pile of burning, human garbage. That I wanted a firing squad and they gave me probation. And you still want to hug me?”
“You’re not perfect. God no, you’re not perfect,” Pomni then looked up at Jax, “But at least you tried. It must’ve been hard raising a kid at, what, 20?”
“I was 17 when she was born. I was 22 when…” Jax looked down at Pomni, “Why are you so… Understanding? Why can’t you be like anyone else and just tell me to f#$% off?”
“Comes with wanting to know more about cool areas… And, you can’t tell customers to f#$% off if you want to keep a job.”
“Not with that attitude,” Jax said, sniffling as he looked ahead, “What do I do now? I can’t… Nothing can forgive me. I won’t. And God’s not here. So who?”
“Maybe you can’t forgive yourself, and I don’t see Caine making a church,” Pomni looked up at the sky, seeing the stars that looked oh so real, but she knew better, “All you have to do is find the hope that you can be forgiven, I guess…”
“Crap…” Jax said, looking at the sky,
“But, I will say this. If we can get out of here, if we do,” Pomni said, “I’ll be there for you.”
“… You promise?” Jax asked, hands shaking as Pomni lifted her hand, offering it to Jax,
“You should know what can of person I am by now, and I’m not a quitter,” Jax smiled, taking Pomni’s hand as she lifted him back up,
“What about the others?” Jax asked, rubbing the back of his head, “They hate my guts as much as me. Hell, Zooble was about to deck me for calling Gangle out as a weeb.”
“Well, you did--”
“Slice of life Clannad lover…” Jax muttered, causing Pomni to laugh, “What?”
“Are… You a weeb too?” Pomni said, causing Jax to gasp,
“W-what, no, I--”
“In fact, don’t weebs only know the word weeb?”
“What about you?”
“Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure.”
“Really?” Jax said, “Come on! You can tell when the plane’s about to crash every time, because the plane always crashes!!!”
“Ah ha!” Pomni pointed, causing Jax to groan, “You love anime! Don’t you?”
“Only cool ones,” Jax said, folding his arms, “DBZ, number one all-time best… Though Beserk’s up there too,” He eyed Pomni as she leaned in, smiling as she was waiting for one of the ‘Big Three,’ “Sigh… One Piece…”
“Ahar!” Pomni roared out, causing Jax to groan as he began to step off the stairs, but he almost fell as he felt lightheaded,
“Geeze, still drunk,” Jax said as he walked it off with Pomni’s help, looking at her with sad eyes, “Pomni… About… this… Uh…”
“I won’t tell the others… Unless you want to,” Pomni said, “It deserves to come from you, no one else.”
“T-thanks… Can we stop by a store, I… It’s stupid…”
“You’re in a fake city made by a talking set of teeth and eyes, trapped in a video game. Nothing’s stupid anymore,” Pomni leaned forward, “What is it?”