Chapter Text
"Nagisa! Nagisa, hey!—"
A voice called out, steady for what Nagisa's mind is putting him through. Shaky both inside and out, Nagisa had no choice but to listen.
The bile that was forming slowly settled down, uncomfortable as it slid back to Nagisa's stomach.
Hands still trembling, Nagisa's eyes shot forward, wherever the voice was coming from. Where was it coming from in the first place?—
"Focus on my breathing, blueberry."
Instinctively, Nagisa's neck snapped to the right, where noise was echoing from. A blob and blur of red clouded Nagisa's vision, a great contrast to his light blue features. Not that it bothers Nagisa, it actually brings him such great comfort. Because not only is someone so different from him getting along with him, but that they may generally care.
Generally might care? Ha, he wished! It's every person for themself in this world. His father proved that. Instead of fighting harder in court for his safety, he gave Nagisa up to the monster of his father. What a sorry excuse of a father Nagisa realized he had.
Wait, process, Nagisa!—
"Okay, focus on me. Your pupils are too dilated. C'mon, you can do it, Nagi-chan."
Nagi-chan? Who called him that? Shifting subconsciously, his eyes focused on one pure figure. Shifty like him, the body was fading in and out of lens.
Then two new voices, feminine blown through his ears. One pitchy and energetic while the other one was a hushed and shy yell. But they had something in common. Worry. Nagisa hated worry. It represented that he was a burden, a bother. And something to be discarded rightfully.
"We're here for you!—"
"Shh, he needs to focus!!"
"Don't mind them. Can— Can I touch you, Nagi-chan? Just a brief moment."
Whoever this was, was surprisingly soft-spoken. They knew the right tones and volumes to use. Well, at least for Nagisa. Made him think if he did know this voice.
Taking another deep breath to not surprise himself, Nagisa whispered weakly, "Sure."
A rough thumb brushed right from under his left eye, then repeated to do the same on his right.
"Okay, can you see me?" A finger snapped to the right of Nagisa's ear, causing him to flinch slightly, overstimulated from...everything.
"Yeah. Yeah, I can...Karma," Nagisa hesitated for a brief second, gathering his climate. Relaxing back into his normal posture, Nagisa took a deep breathe in.
"I'm sor—"
"Don't apologize," Karma interrupted him so, so bluntly; you'd think that Karma didn't want Nagisa to thank him. "It was nothing, really. Just tell us what's wrong? Or maybe a summary of it."
Whoever was around nodded in agreement. Obviously the whole class wasn't here, it's lunch! Who wants to spend lunch in their classroom?
A few faces that Nagisa could make out was obviously Karma, Kaede, Okuda, Isogai, Maehara, and Meg. And there was two more people but Nagisa just couldn't put his finger on it...
"Oi, stop oogling your eyes," Karma teased, causing Nagisa's neck to crane towards him.
"Wow, how nice of you," Nagisa taunted back.
"Why yes, of course I am!", Karma blinked innocently.
"Stop flirting, this is a Junior High environment!", Fuwa exclaimed, her face finally becoming clear to Nagisa. "And kids are reading!"
"What?"
"Huh?"
"The fu—"
"Hm?"
"Fuwa-"
"Ahh????????"
"...No comment."
"Fuwa, let's take your meds..."
Oh! That's who the last person is!
It's Fuwa and Rio! Ah, of course! Karma and Rio barely separated from one another if they're not hanging out with their signature groups!
"Anyhow...", Karma corrected the topic. "Back to you, Nagisa. What's wrong?"
"Nothing—"
"Don't bullshit us."
"Karma..."
"Nagisa."
Nagisa scoffed, crossing his legs. "I don't need to tell you."
"That's like the only singular thing I asked for in exchange for calming you down, buddy."
Nagisa scoffed quieter. "Alright, I bust. I'll tell you what's wrong."
Karma smirks at the shorter boy, obviously feeling smug and victorious.
The rest of the people are quietly shuffle, not sure whether to stay or leave.
Though Karma makes that decision for them. "Okay, rest of you leave! Me and Nagi-chan will catch up with you lot later!", he smiled big and wide, as if Nagisa's big secret isn't about to be revealed. Prideful bastard, if you were to ask Nagisa to describe the quite literally red-haired boy.
"Alright, make sure you follow through on that!", Rio called back, pushing everyone towards the door already. Despite the restless teasing/bullying Rio may do, she knows boundaries. Like, the very edge of them. She'll keep pushing until the very tip of that line. Nevertheless, she's still a good friend and person. A few exclaims of resistance follow the small crowd but they do eventually get out.
Karma scooted out a chair for himself, turning the back part towards Nagisa, and sitting down the same way. "Spill."
"My...mom—"
Karma suddenly banged the desk. "Fuck! Really, Nagisa!?"
Karma laughed. Like, 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 laughed with emotion.
Nagisa flinched, hands climbing to already protect his face.
Karma didn't stop, although. Anger was already starting to bubble up in him, and there's no going back from it. "Didn't I explicitly tell you since that goddamn crazy bitch tried to get you to burn down the school, if she 𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗥 tried anything again..."
Karma stood up and pushed the chair roughly to the side. A couple of steps forward, and he was in front of Nagisa's face, kneeling. Using his hands on the blue-haired boy's chin, Karma turned his eyes towards his.
"...you come to me?"
Nagisa scrunched his fingers against his thighs. "It wasn't that easy, Karma."
"For the best fucking assassin in this class, who knew he'd be scared of his mom?"
"Don't say that."
"I'm just stating the truth, Nagi. You're 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥."
"What's wrong with being scared from time to time!?", Nagisa snapped back, ripping Karma's grip off, wrist tight in his left hand.
Karma narrowed his eyes, staring straight at Nagisa's freakin' 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘭.
Taking a deep breath in, Karma stood up. "...Sorry, Nagi. Was just looking for that fire in your eyes again. It was pretty dim for the past weeks."
"You sure it was that, or anger?"
"Ehhh," Karma lifted his hand to Nagisa's forehead and flicked. "Both."
"Wow, way to get mad at me."
"I'm sorry, Nagisa."
Time swirled around that moment. The air from the windows seemed to calm down, the atmosphere becoming softer and fluffier. Nagisa's heart fluttered slightly.
Oh, how Karma could make him feel some times..
Although a pain to be quite a doormat, Nagisa loves Karma more than he does himself. It's not the healthiest, but they're much better compared to what they were beforehand.
And that's good enough for Nagisa.
"I'm sorry too Karma."
"Ehh? Didn't I tell yo—"
"Not for panicking. But for hiding this from the people I trust," Nagisa stood up while smoothly pushing his chair an inch or two back for more room.
"Akabane Karma," Nagisa bowed.
Nagisa bowed at a full 𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘁𝘆 degrees.
"I apologize for my inability of letting people care for me."
Karma snorted. "Lift your head, Nagi. I got mad at you already, there's no reason to apologize like this—"
"There is though."
"..."
Instead of interrupting with a confused noise, Karma let Nagisa talk.
"I also worried others of this class. So this extends to them."
"Ah. How about you say it to them, themselves then, huh?"
"I don't know if I can—"
"Worry not my boys!" A large swoosh of air and a blur of yellow come in quick.
"KORO-SENSEI!?", Nagisa exclaims while Karma just simply hums.
"Nagisa, I understand that it's difficult to say things. But think of it as—"
Koro-Sensei moved once more, now in front of Nagisa.
"—putting your hair down."
Nagisa slightly winced.
Koro-Sensei knew he would already. "It's easy yes, but it's not in your best thing to do. So is speaking. Your tongue may move, but your mind doesn't."
Karma tilted his head, landing back into his chair as he listened to the lecture.
"Insecurity goes hand-in-hand with basically anything people desire to do, Nagisa. It helps define what they think about the world. And the insecurity in your hair, reflects how you may speak to others."
Nagisa didn't fully get it, but hell if he's going to admit that.
"...Let's take Karma for example."
"What." Karma looked curious more than offended, which is a win in Koro-Sensei's heart.
"He prides his masculinity more than other characteristics. So, when you embarrass him with feminine items, he turns ashamed."
Nagisa, who would usually crack a laugh at that, is listening quietly and softly.
"The way he prides his masculinity reflects his personality the most. Because if you take that out of the equation, he feels as if a mire shell of what he dreams to be."
"Wow, Koro-Sensei, way to make a lecture," said-boy interrupted.
"It's my job as a teacher, Karma," Koro-Sensei noted back at Karma.
Instead of throwing back a snarky reply, Karma hummed in content. "Alright, teach."
"Do you get it now, Nagisa?", Koro-Sensei asked gently.
"Yes..yes, I do now," Nagisa smiled softly. "Thank you, Koro-Sensei."
"Why, of course. Come now, the class is awaiting outside! Let's have you give your little freedom speech out there," Koro-Sensei grinned side to side, turning striped green.
"...Okay," Nagisa replied, a bit more stiff than before.
"C'mon, can't be that bad! If anyone says shit, I'll simply beat 'em up—"
"Karma." Koro-Sensei says sternly. "That's not the right way!"
"I mean, why not—"
"You '𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗲' them."
A moment of silence reigns the three of them, only slight breathing echoing throughout the empty classroom.
"Ah, I get it!", Karma exclaims.
"Alright, see you in the courtyard, boys!", Koro-Sensei snickers before blowing through the same window he came through beforehand.
"Let's go, shall we?", Karma takes Nagisa's hand with a smirk.
"Y—..yeah, lead the way."
And so did Karma. Footsteps tapped against the ground repeatedly, grounding Nagisa.
He could do this. He 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 do this.
Sighing softly once more, Nagisa looked up straight and softly smiled at Karma.
It wouldn't be so bad. It 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 be so bad.