Chapter Text
“This was all… an adventure?”
“None of that was true? The C&A company? The pods? The… way out?”
"You just lie about everything, don’t you?! And you can mess with our minds, can’t you?! The stupid sauce… the vegan thing… And only God knows what else!”
“Our names…”
“Oh, come on guys. You know I’m just here to have fun… right?”
Was that all this was then? Fun and games? Did Caine think that toying with people’s minds and feelings was “fun”? Did Caine think that creating fake hopes and dreams was “fun”? Did Caine think that filling their minds with doubts and even fear about their friend was “fun”?
Those words weighed heavily on Pomni’s tongue, but were held back by the denture-headed ringmaster’s disappearance. She slowly looked around, noticing everyone else swallow back their words too. The room fell into a tense silence and nobody moved. Pomni felt as though a sledgehammer had hit her in the gut as the full realization settled in.
All of this had been for nothing. There was no escape. There was no C&A. There were no pods. There was nothing but lies. Huge, horrible lies.
Suddenly, Jax smacked his lips and stood up straighter, regaining his usual, casual posture. It was like flipping a switch. The humane and genuine confusion and betrayal disappeared from his face into a fake, emotionless expression.
“Well,” he said. “I guess that’s that.”
That’s that. The final curtain call. The end of a performance.
Pomni’s throat clenched and the back of her eyes began to hurt. She pressed the palms of her hands against her eyes, holding back tears. She couldn’t cry. Not in front of everyone, especially Jax. She couldn’t let this get to her, but the tears pooling in her eyes said otherwise.
A small, strangled sob came from behind Pomni, indicating that someone had beat her to breaking down. Gangle had her skinny little ribbon hands over her eyes and was crying profoundly. Zooble immediately took concern and placed a hand on the poor woman’s shoulder. Gangle sniffed and her tears slowed, but the sadness was evident in her eyes. She leaned into Zooble, still crying.
Ragatha had a shiny look in her eyes as her hands reached up to her arms, as if she was giving herself a hug. The doll rubbed her hands up and down her upper arms in the way she always did when she was upset. Even though she was breathing softly, Pomni could see the quick rise and fall in her chest as, to her dismay, Ragatha began hyperventilating. Pomni started over to assure the ragdoll, but Kinger was already there, using his hands to pull Ragatha in for a hug.
A groan came from Jax as the rabbit rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on.” he complained. “Look at yourselves. You guys are acting like someone just died. What did you think was gonna happen? I told you guys that this was fake. It all is, and it never ends. So just pull yourselves together.”
Pomni turned to face him just as Zooble whirled around and slapped him across the face, hard. The rabbit didn’t even flinch, but Pomni could hear him hiss through his teeth.
“[BONK] you, you [BOINK]hole.” Zooble snapped, their eyes narrowed.
Jax simply shrugged, putting on his best “I-don’t-care” face before turning around and heading for the dark oak doors that served as the entrance and exit to the office. His hand lingered at the knob before he turned it and opened it. After a heartbeat, everyone followed him out.
Pomni wasn’t at all that surprised when the door opened into the main circus tent versus Caine’s office. The ringmaster must have moved the location to help them remove themselves from such an awkward situation. Another way to show how much he truly “cared” about the circus members. Pomni didn’t care. Right now, all she wanted to do was go to her room and fall asleep, pretending this whole day was just a bad dream.
“Oh, I get it! This is all just a dream, and I should just play along until I wake up. Right?”
Pomni inwardly groaned as the fact her own consciousness was mocking her at this point. She started away from the group, heading up the staircase that led to the dormitory. She didn’t bother to join her friends nor look over her shoulder. Right now, she just wanted to be alone.
The dorm hall seemed to stretch even further than usual. Pomni walked numbly, ordering her body to obey simple commands.
Left leg, right leg, left leg, right leg.
I can’t remember my name. Why can’t I remember my name?
Is Caine why I can’t remember my name?
Her head began to hurt with every thought and she winced, but still continued walking. After what felt like an eternity, she stood in front of the door to her room. Twisting the knob, she opened it, walking inside of the room and closing the door behind her. She stood there for a moment, her hand still lingering at the door. She didn’t move even as she heard the other circus members walk down the hall. She didn’t move even when she heard their doors close. She didn’t even move when Gangle and Ragatha knocked on her door to see if she was okay. They left after a while, and Pomni finally snapped out of her stupor.
She looked around her room, which now felt like a prison cell, and started towards her bed. She laid down, resting her head on her pillow and fidgeting with the edges of the blanket. The stupid, fake, artificial blanket.
Stupid.
Fake.
Artificial.
Digital.
Forever.
A sudden and fiery frustration burned in Pomni’s head. She lept off the bed and spun around, looking for something to remind herself who she was. Something that would make her feel human. Something that would make her feel real.
Her body reacted before her mind did and her fist flew towards a mirror that stood near the wall across from her bed. It made direct contact and shards of glass flew out of the mirror. Pomni felt sparks of pain shoot through her hand, and she pulled back, wincing.
Small pieces of glass were embedded in her hand, with small black trails leaking out of them. Pomni pinched one of the shards and pulled it out. More black appeared out of the cut and dripped down her hand, landing as droplets on the floor. She looked down, jumping at the jagged and broken reflection on the ground. Her own face stared up at her, except it looked… wrong.
“[BOINK]…” Pomni muttered, sitting back on her bed, cradling her injured hand. “[HONK]. [BEEP]. [BANG]!”
There was a knock at the door and Ragatha’s voice came from behind it.
“Pomni?” she asked. “Is everything okay? Can I come in?”
Pomni hesitated. She didn’t want to cause any trouble for the ragdoll. She wanted to hide and deal with everything in the morning, but the thought of that twisted her gut.
“Yeah…” she finally replied. “Come on in.”
The door opened slowly, but Pomni couldn’t bear to look at the shocked expression on Ragatha’s face. The ragdoll had one hand clamped over her mouth, while the other gripped the fabric of her dress. Her eyes kept switching between the broken mirror, the fragments on the floor, and Pomni’s black-blooded hand. The jester opened her mouth to explain, but Ragatha suddenly turned and bolted out of the room.
Stupid! Pomni thought frustratedly. You must have scared her!
Her thoughts were immediately proved wrong when Ragatha came rushing back in with a broom, a dustpan, and a first-aid kit. The ragdoll wordlessly swept the broken glass into the dustpan, and, to Pomni’s surprise, the glass disappeared. It must have been some in-game mechanism that caused the shards to despawn. When she was done, she sat next to Pomni, the first-aid kit open on her lap. She held out her hand and Pomni hesitantly took it with her injured one. She watched in awe as Ragatha smoothly eased off the glove and took a pair of tweezers from the kit, picking out the pieces of glass. The jester winced slightly, but the ragdoll didn’t stop. However, she began to pull out the glass gentler and slower.
When she was done, she pulled out a tube of ointment and a bandage wrap. Carefully, she dabbed the cuts with the ointment and used the bandage wrap to cover the cuts on her hands. When it came to her fingers, Ragatha put tiny little Band-Aids on the smaller cuts and larger Band-Aids on the larger cuts. The Band-Aids had either sun or moon shapes on them, but one of the Band-Aids had Bubble on it.
“There.” Ragatha said with satisfaction. “That should do it.”
Pomni stared at her hand, numb with shock. “Wow… Ragatha…” she stuttered. “I don’t know what to say. I—” She swallowed hard, meeting the doll’s eyes. “Thank you.”
Ragatha smiled. “You’re welcome.” Her gaze flitted to Pomni’s hand and she frowned, her expression stoney. “Could you explain to me why you thought punching your mirror was a good idea?”
Pomni sighed and clenched her fists. “I don’t know.” she admitted. “I was just so angry about everything. About Caine setting up a way to leave that turned out to be false. About Jax hitting the red button, even though that was false, I guess…” She tugged at the ends of her jester hat. “I was just upset about everything being false. I wanted to feel something real.”
Ragatha’s eyebrows knitted in concern and she looked beyond Pomni to the gaping hole in the mirror.
“Pain isn’t the way to feel real.” she explained. “If you want to feel something real, then you should be with the people who make you feel real.” Her expression softened, but her cheeks flushed suddenly and she dropped her head. “Sorry. Too cheesy?”
Pomni grinned. “Nah.” she assured, scooting closer to the ragdoll. Their shoulders touched, and Pomni found herself in shock as to how soft Ragatha was. It was like sitting against a marshmallow. Pomni found herself leaning into her.
Ragatha flinched, but she didn’t pull away. The two sat in silence for a bit until Ragatha spoke up.
“Pomni?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think… there still might be a way out?”
Alright, moment’s over. Pomni thought sourly. She let out a sigh. “Honestly, Ragatha… I don’t think so.”
Ragatha’s expression fell faster than a stone. Her bottom lip trembled. “We’re never getting out of here, aren’t we?”
Pomni should have done something else. She should have given a more subtle or reassuring answer. She should’ve lied and said there was still hope. But all her hope died when Caine appeared out of that white screen, so she nodded.
The ragdoll sniffed and she buried her face in her hands. Pomni felt guilt wrench in her stomach and she opened and closed her mouth, trying to diffuse her blunt, yet honest, answer.
“At least you’re honest.” Ragatha sniffed, wiping her eyes. She stood up and turned to face Pomni with a soft, yet sad smile. “Get some rest, and we’ll check your hand in the morning, okay?”
All Pomni could do was nod, and Ragatha started for the door, flipping the light switch so that the bulbs in the chandelier would turn off. She opened the door and stepped out, giving the jester one last concerned look before closing the door.
Pomni flopped face down onto her bed, groaning into her pillow. Way to go, Pom-Pom, she thought to herself. Way to go.
She lifted her blanket over her body and settled in, turning onto her back so she could stare at the ceiling. She stared at the ceiling for a while until her eyelids got heavy and she fell asleep, ready to put this entire day behind her.