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You knew it still hurts underneath my scars from when they pulled me apart. My best laid plan, your sleight of hand.
“I-I don’t care that we’re different, y’know?” Nick was still holding onto her, but when the words left his mouth, she took a small step back, her ears turning to him, her face frozen as she listened. “What I care about is you. I care about you… okay?” He needed her to understand. She needed to know that nothing, in the entire world, was worth her dying for. Not a stupid case, or the biggest elephant, not even him. He’d sacrifice himself 100 times if it meant Judy got to live. “And I didn’t say it, I shoulda said it, but I didn't because… because I love you.”
Judy’s nose twitched ever so slightly, and Nick wondered if that was her body's small way of panicking. If that was the nervous tick that showed him she was insecure, scared. His whole life Nick had been the anxious one. Too eager to please, too desperate for someone to tell him he was doing something right. All he’d ever wanted was for someone to tell him that he wasn’t being a burden, wasn’t being too clever, was being kind enough. He’d been running the race to being loved for so long, and he was tired, but loving someone else, loving Judy, he would never be too tired to do that. He could always pick up his legs again, take another step in the sand, or the snow, or the jungle to get to her. Now, they were both standing on the cold frozen ground, the white frost collected around their feet as the morning sun reflected off like crystals, and he was loving her. There was a shadow on Judy’s back, from where the light was shining onto her fur, and Nick reached out to put a hand on her cheek.
“You love me?” Judy whispered, and his thumb ran against the three scars lying under the pale grey of her face. He knew where they were from, she’d told him between bites of blueberries in her parent’s car, when she’d pulled him out from under the bridge and promised she would never say something like that to him again. They had both promised, and while nobody was perfect, he had a feeling they would both try. He just nodded, the pads of his paws tracing down each line where another fox had hurt her. He would never hurt her, he knew it as well as he knew his own name. His days of being reckless, and stupid, and sly were behind him, because Judy believed they could be. All anyone really needed was a reason, something to do it all for, and Judy was the best reason in the entire world. Nick was just lucky she got to be his. His reason for trying to be better, for continuing on every day, for fighting his way through school, proving himself as a cop and as a fox. She’d been right there by his side, painstakingly teaching him how to read, and write, and learn. Now, he used those skills to read her face, to write her name on reports and on her to-go containers in the fridge. He learned her do’s, her don’t’s, and now, he was asking to know her. To try something else, together, and see if it could work.
“Yeah, partner. I love you.” Nick smiled, letting his eyes fill with all the desire he’d been holding in the bottom of his stomach ever since he first saw her in that ice cream shop, standing up for him. He’d never wanted to pull out of a hustle, he prided himself on always being committed, but watching her fight for him… he’d wanted to leave. He’d wanted to be a good person, see if she would love him for it, but then he remembered his past. He was a solitary animal, he did his work alone, Finnick was just a pawn in the much bigger chess game, and he wasn’t about to throw someone else on the board because his heart had skipped a few beats. When she kept coming back, he had almost let himself reach out, let himself begin to wonder if she really was something he could have. Now he was doing what he hadn’t back then. What he had been too scared to do, and he just hoped she wasn’t too scared to tell the truth back.
“I-I love you too.” Judy’s eyes were brimmed with tears, her violet eyes were darker, indigo shining in the irises he’d spent so long memorizing. He pulled her forward, his other hand moving up so he could hold her against him, breathe in the clear, cold air and hold on. Her tears fell on his fur, and she giggled, though it was wet with tears and sounded almost like a sob. He took another deep breath, hoping she would mimic it, and when she did, they stood there for a long moment, breathing in sync. He closed his eyes and saw Pawbert, his crazed expression, telling him Judy was gone. He held her tighter, and felt his own eyes begin to water. “He told me you were gone.” His voice was barely audible, muffled by her ears beside his muzzle, but he knew she heard him from the small flinch in her arms. She held him a little bit tighter as he continued. “He said you didn’t make it and I… I don’t ever want to feel that way again, Carrots. The world could have stopped spinning and I wouldn’t have noticed. I might have let myself fall off that cliff if Gary hadn’t told me there was a chance to save you.” He was crying now. He wasn’t even sure how long it had been since he’d cried. It could have been months, or years, or it could have been when he was eleven, watching his mother promise she would always love him before she took her last breath. Judy’s paws were on his back, tucked under his spine, but they let go so she could back up a few steps and grab hold of his face.
“Nick-”
“I just thought I should tell you. We promised not to keep secrets that day after the press conference. I thought I should keep up my end of it.” He felt like a million feelings he’d never felt had been thrown into a blender and then tossed into his mind. His brain was a spiral of people, places, and things, and all of them had something to do with her. Had something to do with the rabbit standing in front of him loving him back. Her paws were still on his face, and he thought he saw something in her eyes. Saw the glimmer of fondness he used to see in his mother’s gaze.
“Nick, I’m not gone. I’m right here. Because of you. You saved me, you tossed Gary the anti-venom. We save each other, it’s what we do.” He didn’t move as she shoved herself back into his arms. She burrowed in like she wanted to stay there forever, and he wouldn’t complain.
“Judy-”
He didn’t get to finish his sentence. Judy tucked her head into the curve of his body and sank into him, and it’s hard to talk when you are given everything you’ve ever wanted. When you finally have your reason. Nick sighed into the embrace and let himself feel loved, if just this once. They still had to catch Pawbert, he had certainly survived that fall, and Gary and Nibbles would be back in a minute, but for the moment, he just enjoyed it. Finally being loved, being wanted, and for exactly how he was. He didn’t need to worry about anything but working hard every day to make her as happy as she made him. It would be hard work, but he had the best motivation ever.
Stood on the cliffside screaming, "Give me a reason."
Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in.