Work Text:
A soldier. That's what she is. A fighter. A killer. She follows orders. She fights. She kills. She is good at what she does. If every exorcist was like her, there would be no demon left standing in Hell. But not every one is like her, some are weak. Like she was.
A lieutenant. That's what she is. She leads troops. She commands. Always on duty. She never rests. She doesn't need to. She can't. There are too many people counting on her. All the souls in heaven. She takes care of her women. Galvanise them before the battle, and tend to their wounds after their victory. She takes care of her general. Always there for him, ready to assist. Until he is not there anymore. Until she is left alone
A general. That's what she should be. She fought so hard all these years. She protected heaven, she kept Hell in check. She fought, and fought, and fought. And it wasn't enough. It's never enough. She's never enough.
Sera named Abel as general. An idiot. A coward. An incompetent who never held a weapon throughout his entire life and afterlife. But she thought he was better fitted than Lute for the role she's been fighting for.
She is probably right. Lute isn't strong enough.
She is weak. So weak. And she is sobbing, holding Adam's halo against her chest. He is dead. He is dead and she couldn't protect him. Sera is right, she doesn't deserve to be general. She doesn't even deserve to be lieutenant. Lieutenants are supposed to protect their leader. She let her general die. She couldn't protect him.
She would make them pay. All of them, all of Hell. They were to blame. They took him away from her. They deserve to die for this. She couldn't save Adam, but at least she will avenge him.
That's all she is good for, anyway.
She kills. She does so that the seraphins don't have any blood on their hands. They order from above, she does the dirty job. She doesn't mind. The job has to be done, for Heaven to be safe. She was made for the job. Made for killing.
She is Heaven's bloody tool. That's all she is, all she ever will be. Even if that whole dumbass redemption is possible, angels aren't like souls, they can't change. Lute will always only be a soldier.
She is alright with that. She is proud, even. It's her duty to protect the souls of Heaven, her mission. She is glad to keep them safe. She is a tool but she is useful. Was useful. Now Heaven is no longer fighting. They don't need her. She is a useless tool, a broken one. She is of no use anymore.
This whole thing is stupid. Don't they realise how dangerous Hell is ? They will kill them all. All the souls in Heaven will be destroyed. And Lute will watch, powerless, as her worst nightmare comes to life.
She can't let that happen. She fought so hard to keep Heaven safe. And now she has to watch her leaders take stupid decisions that will get them all killed. And she protests, but no one listens to her. No one cares. Why would they ? She doesn't matter. She is nothing.
Sera asked her to stand down. To stop fighting. To stop doing the only thing she is good at. The very thing she was built for.
If Lute isn't a fighter then what is she ?
It's only fair. Tools are meant to be used until they're no longer needed, they are thrown away. Lute got all that blood on her hands to keep Heaven safe. And now that Heaven doesn't need her they cast her away. No thank you for your service, no sorry for your loss, no are you alright, nothing.
She is alright. She is fine. She is always fine.
She is alone. So alone. Nobody understands. Nobody cares enough to try.
Adam cared. She knows that at least. He probably didn't love her back. After all, he was everything, and she is just an exorcist. He always had been out of her league. But he cared about her. She knows that at least.
She misses him like she misses a lung. Breathing is hard, painful. She just wishes he was here. He would know what to do.
She hates them all. Hell, for killing the only person that understood her, the only person that mattered. Heaven, for not batting an eye at his death, for making peace with those monsters despite what they did. She wishes they could all burn.
She is the one burning. She is made of burning anger, of rage, of shame, and untold feelings she never got the chance to express before it was too late.
She was made as a soldier. She will always be a soldier. Even when Heaven doesn't need her anymore. Even when Heaven wishes they could erase her, erase the reminder of the slaughter they ordered. She is still their soldier.
She will always be a soldier.