Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It had been Ninety-two days since. Three months exactly.

Ninety-two days of a lingering cold in his chest when Alain came knocking, when he finally opens the door.

He doesn't quite hear the words Alain is saying; The world having gone quiet when Alain had knocked on his door on the last time.

Truth be told, Didier doesn't hear anything, doesn't feel anything, not even Alain's grip on his arm as he drags him out the door.

The rain is cold on his skin.

Alain is there, Alain is trying so hard to help him.

but there is nothing to be done.

maybe its just his time, maybe the universe had finally found his number from where it had slipped through the cracks on that day. Called him back home to where his heart rests in the great beyond.

Didier doesn't feel anything—doesn't hear anything but his heart beating in his ears and the cold rain against his skin.

Hands to flesh as a gunshot rings out and he shoves Alain hard.

And there are no words to be said in that moment, no words as fingers reach not for a weapon but rather for the wedding bands on the chain around his neck.

a bullet, right into the heart that had once been his. Something that had stopped beating in time with the order of things Ninety-two days ago.

Its a mystery really, how long it takes for death to catch up to him. Epitaph spoken true.

Death is a mystery

and must always remain such.

All he knows is that it comes not with pain, not with fear, but something kind. Something knowing.

For the first time since that day, Didier feels.

and its relief.

He smiles as Alain catches him, a horror and terror on his face.

Didier doesn't feel sorry. In his last moment he chooses to be selfish in that way.

As for man, his days are numbered,

whatever he might do, it is but wind

and the rain comes down in sheets, cold against his skin, and eyes shut.

Fingers still tangled in his and Gilles's wedding bands as the story ends.

— two years earlier—

It was pleasantly warmer than usual in Maranello this time of year. A faint nip to the air that was made comfortable under Didier's suit jacket as he walked.

A beautiful sunny day, a faint warmth from it on his cheeks as the breeze tussled his hair. The type of beautiful day that calmed the faint bit of nerves in his chest that Enzo's phone call had brought.

Little to no information, just a call demanding Didier show up to the house at a specific date and time and nothing else. But Didier wasn't one to question things like this, not after working so hard to get here. So he had grabbed his gun, then a knife for good measure, and headed out.

The train ride was gracefully pleasant as well, Didier grabbing a cup of coffee as the train rattled its way down the country side, smiling kindly at the few people in the cabin, saying he was off to northern Italy on business.

They didn't ask what, and for that he was glad. Lying and politics was never quite his strong suit, but being charming and deadly worked just as well for him.

It was easy to disembark, let the feeling of calm wash over him as he walked through the street that lead up to that fortress on the hill side.

It felt to small for the power it held. Such a calm centerpiece to the town, the small fist of a still beating heart.

but Enzo came calling for him, so Didier answers, opening the bright red doors and stepping in without hesitation.

A man looks up to him as he walks in.

In the brief moment of eye contact, the world suddenly splits.

There is something strange about a moment that changes a life forever, something that can be pinned as the exact moment in which two things are defined, a Before and an After.

And at the moment of eye contact, Didier knows he has stepped into the after.

"Enzo call you?" The man asks, an impish grin on his face as he stares at Didier. Didier blinks then has to wrestle the words out of his mouth to respond.

"Yes, he did. you as well I'm assuming?" He says, and somehow the other man's grin becomes even more sly, something soft and dangerous glinting in his eyes.

He knows there is no such thing as love at first sight; Didier falls in love at the second.

"Why bother with English while the old man waits?" He says softly, an odd roll to his speech that Didier picks up on immediately. Its cute, his Quebecois accent.

"Why bother when I can hear you speak like this?" He says with a laugh as the other man blushes slightly, affronted or embarrassed Didier doesn't wait to find as he settles in next to him.

"Don't worry, I think its quite cute." He says, and the flustered look deepens as pink rises high on his cheeks.

"I am not cute." He says, pouting slightly before the grin comes back. "You however? You are very—"

Their idle flirting gets interrupted by the sound of heels clicking across the floor as a door swings open.

"Mr. Villeneuve? Mr.Pironi? Mr.Ferrari is ready for you." She says, eyes glancing between them as they stand. Didier pays it no mind, just striding ahead and opening the door for the other man as they walk in.

The room is immaculate, always was with Enzo, a dark wood desk sat in the middle of gilded tiles as they step forward and take a seat.

Enzo smiles as they walk in, standing to greet them.

"Gilles! wonderful to see you!" Enzo says, Giving a kiss to both cheeks as he holds him slightly. His introduction to Didier is much more subdued, offering him a hand to shake with a brief nod of acknowledgment.

Many things fall into place.

Firstly, that the man with the pretty eyes and scheming smile is named Gilles Villeneuve.

Secondly, that he is not only high up at Ferrari, but the old man actually likes him.

Not that Didier thinks that Enzo dislikes him, but he has honestly never seen the man smile the way he does as he greets Gilles. Its just a certain warmth that feels foreign to what Didier knows.

He tucks the information away as he sits.

"I don't know if you had the chance to talk yet, but I hope you will get too." Enzo says calmly as he settles into his seat, fingers pressed gently together.

"Enzo, what is the mission." Gilles pushes first, Didier sitting back and just observing as Enzo taps his fingers together.

"We are— trying something new. The bars and clubs have been going well but we are trying to push into a new venture… and seeing as both of you are familiar with the Monaco area I though that you would be best to pull for this task." Enzo says simply as Gilles sits back in his chair, listening and observing. "I need some people I trust with Ferrari business, and you two seemed— apt."

Didier tries to not think too much about how often Gilles's eyes wander to him, especially not how they light up when Didier sits forward to speak.

"This is about the casino, is it not?" He asks, remembering a job a few months ago where he had been sent undercover to observe the operations of it.

The centerpiece of the grand Monaco underworld. The beast of crime that was still just outside their control, still handled by the politicians who stood idly by as crime bulged at the fringes of it, dogs thrashing in their cages to be released to the races.

It had long been too big an idea to dream, but with Ferrari?

"Yes the casino. It took months of deals but I have gotten us a buy in to take over custody of the place, for a cut of share at least. I have people already on the financial side but—" Enzo looks to the two of them, something soft and scheming in his eyes.

"I need boots on the ground still. some people to oversee the acquisition, to run things that are fluent in the conversation of Monaco."

In a twin moment of understanding, Gilles and Didier lock eyes.

Because they both speak French. That's why they are given this task.

Didier successfully holds back his laugh, Gilles doesn't manage as well.

Enzo seems to watch them closely as they share this moment, rolling his eyes.

"Of course you two get along already. I should have known." He says with a quiet laugh before he reaches into a drawer on his desk and pulls out two large files, handing one to each of them.

"This is all the information you should need on the deal. I'm trusting you both with this task, so please— do not mess this up." He says with a finality.

Didier nods as he stands, offering a cordial goodbye as he walks out the door. Gilles smiles and rolls his eyes, saying goodbye as well as he slides out of his chair and joins beside Didier, both of them not saying a word until the door closes with finality behind them.

"So I suppose we are partners now Mr.Pironi." Gilles says after a beat, and Didier laughs. Cant do much more than laugh at the sheer amount of information that has been thrown on him in the last thirty minutes.

"I suppose we are, and please— call me Didier." He says, voice slightly soft around the edges as his shoulders relax and Gilles smiles.

"Alright Didier, we should probably head off to our work then." He says softly, not holding any reservations as he loops his arm through Didier's and starts dragging him forward. "I think we can catch a train pretty easy from here."

And Didier doesn't know what it is about him, but something in his demeanor makes it just so easy to fall for him. Forget all his training, forget every cell in his body that says to trust no one, to not let anyone close. Gilles steps over all of that like its nothing.

Didier doesn't mind, just lets him drag him through the winding streets until they make it to the train station.

Gilles offers a smile to the woman at the booth, and no money exchanges hands as he tells her where they are going and she hands him the tickets like this is a normal altercation.

Gilles must be in Maranello a lot more that Didier is.

It's easy to observe him so quietly as he follows him on to the platform, a comfortable sort of silence reserved for public places as they wait for the train.

Comfortable though it is, Didier is happy the train is quick to arrive, questions and conversation itching at the back of his throat. Questions looming under the shadow of a prancing horse that Didier doesn't ask.

Gilles is standing again, beckoning him forward on to the train and making his way to a secluded cabin. Its nice Secluded enough to talk business. Didier breathes out as if that would break the tension.

"How long have you been working with the old man?" He asks as soon as Didier slides the door shut, flopping down onto the seat as Didier remains standing.

"A few months at this point. I had been working on some off-shore long running jobs for Renault but I was getting— bored of that life. Working for Mr.Ferrari seemed like a good change of pace." He says, awkwardly looking at his hands.

More exciting and more adventurous goes unsaid. Gilles understands it anyway, a devilish smile growing on his lips.

"So you're a thrill seeker I understand?" He says, something lingering just under the words of it that Didier cannot place, or rather he doesn't get the chance too.

Right as he goes to speak, the train lurches underneath him, sending him tumbling forward.

Directly into Gilles.

His smile doesn't fade as Didier looks up to him, just a faint blush on his cheeks as and eyebrow raises at their positioning. Didier bracing himself with his hands either side of Gilles's hips, legs wide to accommodate Didier between them.

Its strikingly intimate of a position, so much so that Didier blushes furiously and starts to back away only to be frozen in place by a hand gripping his bicep.

"Thrill seeker— right?" Gilles repeats, his voice soft and low in an unmistakable way. Didier's lips quirk into a small smile as he leans forward just a touch.

Oh. This game is well known to him.

"And if I was?" He says, dropping his voice just as low.

Gilles bites his lip slightly, eyes casting out to the cabin doors that had shut behind them. There is no one around. No one who can see.

They are perfectly alone. And the tension building between them in this briefest of moments is enough to fog the windows.

Gilles's eyes flicker down to his lips, an invitation that Didier is quick to acknowledge.

He smiles softly, capturing Gilles's lips in a messy way, effectively hitting fast forward.

Gilles's hands scramble off his bicep, one reaching up to tangle in Didier's hair—tugging him in close.

The kiss becomes wet, teeth and lips and tongues scrambling across skin.

Gilles's other hand reaches Didier's fly, undoing his belt and unzipping him.

Didier gasps against his neck and Gilles breathes a small laugh as his fingers explore farther.

"Oh— Big boy hm?" Gilles whispers against the shell oh his ear.

Didier needs him to shut up.

He shuffles his weight, chasing a bit of friction against Gilles's palm as he scrambles to undo Gilles's jeans.

A gasp folds into a moan as Didier gets his hand on him, fingers running across the wetness growing in his boxers.

"You aren't to bad yourself." He whispers before he dives back into the kiss.

Hips moving against hands, fast, hot, confined.

Its perfect, of course it is.

Both of them chasing, breathing each other's air. Like they were made for each other.

and there is an edge of something else, something of a competitive fire burning under their skin as Gilles smiles wickedly as he crooks his wrist just so and it has Didier stuttering in his rhythm.

Didier responds by pressing further forward, pining their hands awkwardly so Gilles is forced to pull back.

Save for the fabric of their boxers there is nothing between them. Didier pushes against him and grinds in a way that makes Gilles bite on the meat of his palm to keep from yelling out.

He makes such lovely sounds, it's a shame he has to hold them back.

Gilles spills over first, tucking his face into Didier's neck as he whines, jaw dropped and eyes lulled back slightly. Didier follows him with a final thrust, spilling into his boxers likewise spent.

They hold each other close for a moment, just breathing each other in as they come down.

Then, with twitchy fingers, Gilles pulls Didier's pants back up, carefully zipping him back into place before doing so for himself.

Save for the blush on their cheeks and the cum in their pants there is no indication at all that anything ever happened.

Slowly Didier settles back into his seat, loose-limbed as he studies Gilles again, something on the precipice of obsession.

Its silent for a long while before Gilles turns with that Cheshire cat smile of his and says, "so— any thoughts on changes we can make to the casino?"

Gilles has an apartment in the city, something Didier is infinitely thankful for.

They were able to wipe down a bit in the bathroom on the train, but its nice to change into some clean clothes.

Gilles pulls Didier by the wrist to his apartment, and Didier doesn't much mind once he catches up enough to lace their fingers together.

Didier never did anything by halves. Maybe that would turn out to be a mistake but it doesn't feel like one in the negligible difference between them.

Its a nice place, the apartment. Doors opening to a living room and a kitchenette with a nice bar. He kicks off his shoes and follows Gilles into the bedroom quickly. Its like his feet know the layout.

Despite never having been here before it feels like home. The man leading him around helps with that. He could get used to it quickly.

Gilles throws some clothes his way and doesn't hide the way he admires how his clothes fit on Didier's bulkier form.

Gilles is a strange amalgamation of things, but shy is definitely not one of them Didier finds.

The sun is just starting to set as they move out of the apartment. Gilles promises him a drink before they go out to the casino.

Gilles guides him to a quaint bar with a glowing neon sign and bustling flow of traffic through the doors, loud voices and warm air.

The bar is called Nigel's, and Gilles seems to be known there, weaving his way through and ordering a drink with a nod rather than words. More than that though, Gilles is recognized by the patrons, shaking hands and hugging people before he sets his eyes on two people sat in the corner.

People that, while Didier has never met, he knows all the same.

"Niki, James!" Gilles calls out as he sweeps over to the booth. Didier follows behind, swallowing a sudden bout of nerves. He knows of Niki and James of course, practically living legends, but Gilles greets them so warmly, as if the weight of their presence is nothing. Like he isn't stepping into a cage with lions as a peer.

The two of them brighten, James standing to greet Gilles with a hug. Niki stays sitting but his eyes drift to Didier who doesn't quite know what to do with his hands.

Gilles makes his greetings, sliding in to the booth with a smile before looking to Didier, a calm look. Something soft, inviting, comforting.

Didier nods, siting next to him.

Just under the table, Gilles's hand finds his and Didier breathes out.

Niki wastes no time.

"Gilles. Who is you man?" He asks loudly, pointing at Didier as if he isn't sitting right there.

Gilles laughs softly, grasping Didier's hand a bit tighter.

"This is Didier," He says simply. Didier smiles softly, offering his spare hand to shake Niki and James's.

"Pleasure to meet you." He says softly as James smiles to him while Niki gives him an appraising look.

"I haven't seen you around before Didier." Niki says, no pretenses of sociability that somehow eases Didier. There is no need to guess with him— less work to decipher.

The bartender brings up drinks, giving Didier a moment to think, to gather himself.

And without hesitancy he starts to recount, to tell Niki and James of his history, how he came to be at Ferrari. Gilles had heard it all earlier, but he still listens in rapt attention as Didier explains.

Niki hums along softly, listening intently as Didier finishes explaining, mentioning the casino loosely as he picks at the label of his beer.

"That Renault experience should treat you well." Niki chimes in, "I've been seeing a bit of motion around the casino from them recently, so that's something to be on the look out for."

James elbows him slightly, tossing a playful smile his way that holds the weight of a collection of prior conversations. "Love—"

"What?" Niki barks slightly, making James roll his eyes. "I'm just trying to be helpful while I can! Retirement will come shortly I swear to you."

Didier tucks all that information into a folder in the back of his brain. Things to remember for later as they continue chatting, Didier falling easily into this small group.

It feels nice, feels like a belonging he hadn't quite found at Ferrari.

But with Gilles beside him— he supposes it would be difficult to not feel like he belonged ever again.

The casino looks even more grand in the dying light of day. The turrets of its front entrance standing imposingly across the skyline in a way that draws the eyes up.

The interior light shown through the windows from the chandeliers gave a artificial warmth to the facade, something of magnitude to the space.

Didier cant help but take a breath as he eyes the thing that will now consume his life.

But then Gilles steps ahead, his hands on his hips as he surveys the place.

and Didier can't help but let out that breath as he eyes the man that will now consume his life.

"Its a wonder, isn't it?" Gilles says turning back to look at him, light gleaming in his eyes.

"Yes." Didier says, stepping ahead to loop his arm through Gilles's. "Shall we?"

and Gilles laughs, soft and brilliant.

"Yes. Yes we shall— Let the adventure begin."

Chapter Text

Its easy to fall into step with Gilles. That he is happy for.

He never thought running the casino would be easy, but he was honestly surprised by how quickly they took to it. Didier working through the technicalities, the paperwork, the payroll, how to keep the police complacent.

Gilles excelled in the more social aspects, coordinating lavish events, watching the people, exerting force when needed. It worked so very well.

and at the end of a long day they would curl up together, drink far too expensive wine, watch movies or listen to the radio.

Didier loved it when Gilles would pull him up to dance. He loved it even more when he would pull him away to fuck.

It's an extremely comfortable type of life, honestly. Scarily so. He and Gilles growing into each other.

Those first few weeks Didier had slept in his office at the casino more often than not, things still too fresh to want to leave it out of his sight. It takes Gilles physically dragging him through the streets for him to sleep in a real bed.

And after that Didier tried a bit more to take care of himself, if not just to spare himself the embarrassment of Gilles dragging him through the streets again.

Didier never gets an apartment of his own; He sleeps better with Gilles by his side anyway so there was no real need to.

He isn't used to being this comfortable under Ferrari's eyes, but Gilles has a way about him. Something that just makes it seem so very easy.

And it serves them both well, a routine that makes them feel less like transients and more like people who belonged. There was a certain type of unspoken strength in that stability.

A routine of making space, Establishing themselves over the seasons. They weather a Christmas together, they make new friends in Nigel and Elio. They thrive.

It was only a matter of time before something was bound to go wrong.

Didier sees him for the first time on a Thursday night. The kid— someone of his early-twenties counted as a kid to Didier at least— had been circling the floor for hours now. He was short, curls styled in a perfectly imperfect way, something rakish in his boyish charm that had some patrons circling him.

Didier keeps his eye on it subtly. It's not quite enough of an issue to be worth intervening on just yet but it pings something in his brain.

But the kid isn't much of an issue really, he's well liked. He takes care of the people, slipping tips into the hands of the valets, telling the teller to slip a hundred for herself when she counts his cash out.

It makes Didier smile slightly, a soft respect to the skill of the hustle.

Then he gets into a scuffle in the poker room late one evening and Didier sees it. The small insignia on his shirt just under his blazer, a diamond well known to him.

Renault.

Didier clocks it just as the guy the kid has picked a fight with clocks him.

It is quickly broken up by the bouncers, the two of them getting thrown out the back doors. Didier pauses for a moment, walking calmly around the floor before he goes to follow, more curious than cautious.

If Gilles were here he'd drag him along with, but he is busy at home organizing some tasks with Niki for an event they will be hosting tonight so Didier had offered to cover the morning so he could have some time to relax.

Gilles had kissed him senseless, the memory of it bringing a smile to his face as he steps into the back alley.

The other man is gone, but it doesn't look like the fight stopped at the door based on the way a figure lies slightly crumpled in the alley way.

Its the kid, of course its the kid, looking dazed and confused with blood poring out of what is most definitely a broken nose.

Didier smiles as he crouches down next to him, trying to not come off as threatening. He needs to get the kid to trust him some way, to learn why Renault has an operative here.

And truth be told, he knows Renault, knows the type they have a tendency to pick up. He had watched the kid enough to know that while he was a bit young, he would likely grow into something formidable. Better to be kind and gain a tentative ally than make an enemy at this stage of Ferrari expansion.

"Are you alright?" He asks softly in English, and the kid just shrinks away some, not really responding. Didier asks again in French but he reacts the same, just staring at him hard like its difficult to focus his eyes. Didier fights off a frown at it.

Didier has seen many a concussion in his time, and despite his better judgment, he can't in good conscious leave this kid out here in this state.

Ferrari and good sense be damned, he pulls the kid up easily. He's far too light honestly, another pang of concern as Didier gets him to his feet and starts to navigate them somewhere safe.

home, home was safe.

Home was a place where the differences of affiliation could at the least be temporarily forgotten. And surely Gilles wouldn't mind too much given the circumstances.

Its not a long walk, for that Didier is thankful. Not to many eyes on them as the kid blinks slowly, his head lulling against Didier's shoulder as blood still flows from his nose.

The apartment is loud as Didier walks in, a type of joyful noise that spills off the balcony and into the street, echoing down the interior corridors.

The noise doesn't end with Didier opening the door, his eyes finding Gilles who immediately jumps to work without question.

"Didier! what did I say about bringing home strays?" Gilles yells a bit too loudly as he pulls a towel from the counter and follows Didier to the couch as he sets the kid down. Didier rolls his eyes, remembering the night a few months back when he had harbored a few kittens from the snow on Christmas. He is still a bit sad they couldn't keep them.

Gilles elbows him slightly as Didier rolls his eyes, a small fond look on his face as he reaches for the kid who has come to a bit more and flinches away heavily before hissing at the sudden movement.

Gilles tries to hold back a small laugh as he backs away slightly, looking up to Didier who shrugs a bit with a smile.

"OK, I get it. I'm just trying to help. What is your name." Gilles tries again, and the kid stares at him for a long moment before answering.

"Je ne parle pas anglais." He says and Didier knows just as much as Gilles does that the kid is lying through his teeth. Its a stupid type of lie too, a gamble considering where they are, Monaco is a French-speaking city after all. Gilles and Didier share a brief look before Gilles turns back with a smile.

"Comment tu t'appelles?" Gilles asks, his grin wicked.

And the kid, this poor foolish kid, sighs loudly and tries so very hard to hide the flush of embarrassment that climbs on his cheeks.

"Alain. My name is Alain." He half whispers. Gilles takes it as an olive branch and grabs his face to start wiping away the blood.

"Just Alain?" Didier prods gently. The kid— Alain— nods slightly only to immediately wince. Didier can feel the concern that washes over Gilles at it, reaching into his pocket for a pin light.

Didier watches carefully as Gilles points the light into his eyes, a furrow to his brow as Alain's pupils are slow to shrink.

Concussion, Didier knew it well.

"Well Just Alain, My name is Gilles, the guy who dragged you here is Didier, and the two arguing loudly in the kitchen are Niki and James. If you're planning on staying around Monaco for a while, it would do you good to make nice." Gilles says as he clicks off the light. "And you should be staying a while. Looks like you have a bit of a concussion."

Alain blinks at him slightly, his shoulders moving up to his ears as he shrinks further into the couch, his breathing catching just a bit. It's slight— subtle in a way but Didier can tell, it's panic.

Not unlike a wounded animal, curling up in a corner, ready to strike at anything that comes too close. It's a fear baked into the very fabric of working in this city, or of working at Renault.

Didier knows it all to well, the fear of knowing you are somewhere you don't belong.

He offers a kind smile again as a small reprieve as he says, "Alain, you will be safe here. Renault will not mind much."

It seems to have its intended effect. Alain relaxes a touch as he says it, and it makes Didier the slightest bit more content.

But Gilles bristles slightly at the words. Something so microscopic its near imperceptible, but Didier can see it in the way the muscles in his neck tense.

Ever the Ferrari loyal son, the very mention of Renault sends alarm bells rattling through him.

He places a soft hand on Gilles's shoulder as he sees it, a small tap of acknowledgement as Alain blinks slowly between them, drifting slightly out of consciousness.

Didier waits for it, something nervous buzzing in his chest as he pulls Gilles away.

He looks tense, his fists clinched by his side as pulls Gilles towards their room, giving a nod to Niki to watch over the kid while they chat.

As soon as the bedroom door shuts, Gilles is on him, pinching his brow as he paces.

"What the hell were you thinking? Renault? Really?" He says, his tone carefully quiet though it bites.

Didier takes a deep breath, moving further into the room to sit on the edge of the bed as he watches Gilles pace.

"You saw how he was— I couldn't leave him out there." He defends, keeping his voice calm and level. "—not like he's much of a hazard as is anyway."

Gilles sighs in deep frustration.

“So did you bring him here because you think he can’t hurt a fly? You know better than that” Gilles hisses out, something slightly confused and frustrated on his brow.

“No, the opposite. I think he could hurt a lot of flies.” Didier responds, and it does its job in getting Gilles to stop spiraling, but now he just looks more confused, but less frustrated.

“What?”

Didier backtracks a touch.

"I've seen him, hanging around the casino. The kid is smart—really smart. He operates so cleanly between the rules, treats the staff well. He could be someone dangerous one day."

"And so you bring him here?" Gilles asks again, something incredulous in his tone. Didier continues.

"Yes. Because Renault—" Didier pauses slightly, something heavy in it, "—it doesn't matter. He could be dangerous one day, so we should keep him close. Trust is a valuable thing; I thought it best to gain some."

Gilles picks up on the way Didier's breath catches around the mention of Renault, something like a cold shiver. He doesn't comment on it though, just breathes out some of his initial panic.

"This will be a nightmare to explain to Enzo." Gilles breathes out, shaking out the nerves some. Didier stands to wrap his arms around him.

Gilles melts into the touch.

"We don't have to tell him yet Cheri, there is quite a distance between us and Maranello." He says softly, gently rocking him as he walks them over to where Gilles has his suit laid out.

"Do not worry. Get dressed. I'll handle this." He continues as he lets his hands glide down Gilles's arms. Lets his hands rest against him until Gilles breathes and nods slightly, turning to face Didier with a soft smile.

"You are a very sexy man." Gilles says as he presses a small kiss to Didier's lips. It's trust, in that own special way they share.

Gilles gets dressed quickly, pulling Niki and James out the door with him with a promise to be home at an unreasonable hour. Didier laughs slightly at it as he settles in the living room with the kid snoring on the couch.

And when Gilles returns in the early hours of the morning, his tie undone and loose around his neck, he takes special care to open the door quietly.

Didier is asleep, snoring softly, Alain tucked under his arm like a duckling hiding from the rain.

Gilles shuts the door silently, taking the moment to rouse Alain softly, doing his checks before letting the kid fall back asleep.He then pauses for a moment, pulling a blanket over the two before pressing a kiss to Didier's forehead with a smile.

Alain has his own place in the city, but you wouldn't know it based on the amount of time he spends on Gilles and Didier's couch.

He does his own work yes, running out to do small tasks for Renault, making his way around town as young folk are want to do. Gilles laughs gently every time they lose Alain in a bar only for him to show up in their kitchen the next afternoon with hickeys just barely showing from under the collar of his shirt.

Gilles pretends to not notice when Didier sneaks condoms into the pockets of the kid's jacket. It gives him a small chuckle to watch, that small moment of softness about him.

Didier is so different in casual life than he expected. When they met, he had seemed so bold, so confident, so quietly strong. He sees it for the front it is now, the cover of his quiet diligent work at the casino, something measured and calculating.

Because under that, Didier has a soft core, something warm and a bit wicked, something that matches him well. A man that cares, cares so deeply. It makes Gilles feel a bit softer in turn.

Oh how that though would have terrified him before. Back when Gilles didn't even know this type of life was possible.

Ferrari had been all he had known for so very long, something comfortable in the solitude of his actions, to shine bright among them. Ferrari was a great boon to him, he was special there.

He didn't know just how lonely that life was until Didier came in to it.

The casino is bustling, calmer now than he ever can recall. They two of them piloting it smoothly over these months. It's well enough that the can take a break from it for a moment, Didier surprising him with a trip to France for a week in the summer.

It's a soft type of vacation. Gilles doesn't even know it until Didier loads their luggage into the car, kisses him gently on the cheek and whispers "Happy anniversary, mon Cheri."

One year.

It feels like it's been longer than that somehow.

"We've earned this," Didier had whispered softly as he ran his hands over his shoulders. "Let's get away for a while."

And who was Gilles to say no? He knew Didier wouldn't suggest it without knowing they were well covered in their duties. What harm was a bit of fun?

Gilles smiles the whole trip up, wind tussling their hair as Didier holds his hand atop the gear shift.

The villa he takes them too is secluded, just outside the city. Sea breeze costing up the hill side, a wine vineyard sloping down it straight to the edge of the sea. Gilles feels like he could see the whole world from here. If he were to angle the frame right, to get the edge of Didier's smile.

He could live in that frame forever, paint it Rosso Corsa, sempre.

"Do you like it?" Didier asks after a moment, his voice a bit tentative and soft in a way Gilles has yet to dispel. Gilles smiles wide.

"Show me around would you?" It isn't the answer to the question, but Didier nods and the tension fades from his shoulders just a touch.

"This used to be a safe house for some Renault operations, a hide out for those more distant jobs. I was the only one who really knew about it in the end, so we shouldn't be bothered." He says as they walk around the porch of the place.

Gilles hums gently, his eyes not leaving Didier.

And Didier notices it of course, sees the way his eyes linger half lidded and suggestive. Didier huffs out a laugh at it.

"Come on." He says, opening the door and grabbing Gilles's hand and pulling him close.

"What do you want to see?" Didier asks. Gilles takes it as a chance to press up against him, to touch him in this private oasis, free and intimate without the fear of prying eyes.

"Well Mr.Pironi, I would like to thoroughly inspect the bedroom first." Gilles purrs with a devilish grin that makes Didier's breath catch.

Didier is more than happy to oblige for the rest of the afternoon.

Didier hasn't felt this relaxed in months.

Truly, he would never say it to Gilles but the work had been weighing on him as of late, so much to do, so many meetings to be had. It was a world of work, a careful balancing of secrecy and openness between them and Enzo— Didier was glad to get a break from it for at least a little bit. Out of the ever watchful eye of Ferrai for just a moment.

The first day had been lovely, him and Gilles together in the quiet space of the bedroom. Enjoying themselves until the late afternoon when they broke to watch the sun set over the ocean. It was so soft, Gilles's back pressed to his chest as they let the moment wash over them.

The second day was slightly more eventful, Gilles dragging him into town in the early morning to do some shopping around, then out to the beach to enjoy the sunshine.

Didier finds that Gilles is exactly as much of a menace as he expected he would be.

They race down the roads, Gilles pressing the throttle to the floor, glancing at Didier as if daring him to ask to slow down.

Didier never does, just grins wide as they make it down to the beach in half the time it should have taken.

Didier floats through the water as Gilles sits on the shore in shorts that leave nothing to the imagination, especially as he watches Didier climb out of the sea and shaking the water out of his hair.

They don't fuck on the beach. They have some decorum.

The car however is not safe from them at all.

Needless to say, the vacation is a welcome break, something soft and simple and well deserved.

Day three of the trip has chaos finally catching them. Didier had planned a small venture out to a vineyard, justifying the cost of the experience by saying that the wine tasting is merely for finding new drinks for the casino bar. Gilles adores that devious side of him, and he greatly enjoys tasting the wine.

Didier gets tipsy, Gilles gets drunk. Didier drives them home as the sun sets, careful as he navigates the winding roads and helps settle a giggling Gilles into their bed for the night. Gilles holds him close, tucking his head against Didier's chest so he can feel the heat of his cheek against his skin.

"This has been so—nice." Gilles murmurers against his skin. Didier lets his hand rest against his shoulder, drawing gentle patterns against his skin.

"It has, Cheri. Perfect." He whispers back.

Gilles shifts slightly, setting his chin against Didier's sternum and looking up at him with soft eyes.

"I love you." He says, barely more than a whisper. Didier takes a deep breath, smiling as he reaches up to squeeze Gilles's cheeks.

"I love you too. Now lets go to bed." He says with a small laugh which Gilles just hums in response to, getting settled against him as he falls asleep. Didier follows, holding him close.

They both awaken to the sound of a loud thump somewhere in the villa a bit after midnight.

Gilles sits up first, looking to him in brief confusion before he rolls to the side, scrambling over to his bag for his gun. Didier does the same, pulling his pistol out from where it's tucked in the nightstand.

"I thought you said we wouldn't be bothered here." Gilles whisper shouts at him as he checks over his weapon. Didier rolls his eyes slightly as he pushes open the door, creeping towards the source of the noise.

There is a brief shuffling he can hear as he gets closer, some mumbling and cussing in French. It's a voice he recognizes.

Gilles stares at him as he lowers his weapon and turns the corner, turning on the light.

Alain jumps at it, hands shuffling to the gun on his belt before his vision adjusts to the light in the room, to see Didier's annoyed face.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Didier asks, half exhausted, half exasperated as Gilles comes to stand next to him with a similar expression.

Alain has the decency to look a bit sheepish.

"I'm— it's an old Renault safe house. I need a place to— I didn't know you would be here." He responds, causing Gilles to turn and glare at Didier.

Didier sighs and shrugs slightly as Gilles turns on his heel and walks off in a huff, Didier following him.

Alain can't do much but watch their silent argument as they walk away, turning to shut the window behind him and turn off the lights as he stumbles his way to the spare room to rest for the evening.

After a bit of sulking in the early morning hour, something Didier knows is a result of both their unexpected guest and Gilles's wine hangover, he eventually comes around to Alain being there with them.

He's a touch annoyed, sure, but Gilles knew nothing better than how to make the most of a situation. which brings them to their present moment. Gilles and his ever present hunt for adrenaline, daring the kid to do the loop around the villa as fast as he can.

Gilles can be quite the persuasive asshole, and Alain isn't one to back off from a challenge.

Didier watches quietly as Alain takes off, Gilles smiling in the front seat.

It takes them about six minutes to get back, Didier takes quiet pride in the way he can almost feel Gilles's disappointment in him before they even arrive back, grinning wide as the car pulls to a stop in front of them and Gilles falls out of the front seat already squabbling with the kid.

"What the hell was that! A grandmother could go faster!" He hears as Gilles stands. Alain throws open his door looking indignant.

"I didn't want to get us killed!" He yells back, his voice cracking slightly on the words. Didier sips his coffee quietly as he watches Gilles usher Alain out of the front seat and moves to replace him as the kid rolls into the passenger side, and they are off again.

This time around is five and a half minutes, and Gilles looks rather impressed with himself as he pulls the car to a stop. Alain looks vaguely ill.

"See that's how you do it!" Gilles cheers as he gets out of the car. Alain rolls out of the seat and catches his breath against the ground. Didier keeps carefully quiet as he watches, waiting for the fateful moment Gilles spins to look at him, a question hidden behind his devilish smile, keys glinting in his hand in the mid-day sun.

Or rather, its not a question but a dare.

Gilles can be quite the persuasive asshole, and Didier isn't one to back off from a challenge.

He sets his coffee against the brick wall and pushes off it, catching the keys as Gilles tosses them to him, giggling slightly as he circles to climb in the passenger seat, Didier adjusting the drivers seat.

He laughs a bit as Alain's eyes flit between them in a state of pure bafflement before he shrugs and climbs into the backseat.

"Put on your seatbelts please." Didier says, watching them both carefully to make sure they both comply before he dumps the clutch and launches them down the road, eyes locked ahead as Gilles laughs loud and clear like church bells and Alain grips the seat with all his might.

The loop they are driving is about twelve kilometers in length, filled with long curves and temperamental corners. Didier smiles wide as he pushes the car to its limits, clearing hills as he goes.

The unfortunate side effect of their fun comes though. Having seen the car race past twice already, the cop that had been waiting just around a hidden corner finally makes himself known as Didier flies past.

"Jesus fucking Christ." Didier bites as his eyes catch the bright blue lights flickering to life behind him, pushing the gas down a bit further. Gilles smiles, turning to stare out the back window and laugh as Didier spurs on. Alain, in his view, looks very close to throwing up.

"Didier! Pull over!" The kid shouts as his eyes flicker between the lights behind them and Didier's griping the wheel.

Didier doesn't listen, just grips the wheel tighter. Gilles can see a small devilish smirk pulling at the corner of his lips.

He pushes flat out, shifting gears until the lights behind them become nothing but specks in the dust they are kicking up.

It takes only a small moment of distraction, Didier's eyes coasting over to Gilles who is yelling and cheering in the front seat, for Didier to slip up.

His rear tire catches some dust on the road, the lack of traction making the car drift. Didier tries to correct it, but in doing so sets them totally off course, careening off the road and into a vineyard off the side, the mud and trestles making quick work of scrubbing off their speed as they slide through the dirt.

Didier's first thought as the skid to a stop is that he is glad he made sure they were all wearing seatbelts.

His second thought comes a few moments later, as they catch their breath and the flashing blue lights pull up behind them, blocking them in. That thought is nothing more than a long, dejected "Fuck".

And just like that, the party is over with the three of them being ushered silently into the back of the police cruiser. Squished together like sardines.

Alain has his face buried in his hands, rubbing his temples slightly. Gilles is in the middle, still catching his breath as the excitement leaves him but his small grin still remains. Didier sits stoic as ever as he tries to suppress the chaos starting to build in his mind at the profoundly stupid situation he has gotten them in.

None of them speak a word as the officer digs into them, rambling on and on about their recklessness like they are children to be chastised.

In fact, none of them speak until after the officer escorts them into a holding cell in town, twenty minutes after they crashed the damn car.

"I guess my record still stands then?" Gilles says with a light smile. Didier passes him a small glare at it.

Alain does as well, more freaked out than anything as he tucks his head between his knees in a swell of anxiety and embarrassment.

"I would have won, you know that." Didier argues back, and Gilles doesn't respond more past a cheeky grin as he stands to lean against the bars, calling to the officer to let him make a call.

Didier watches him as he goes, grinning gently to himself as Gilles dials the number, suppressing his laugh at the way he can hear Niki yelling over the line even at this distance.

He knows this chaos is sure to haunt them later, sure to leave a wake of something to grand to imagine. But in the quiet moment of this bright afternoon, he tucks it away enough to enjoy the image of Gilles leaning against the jail cell wall, still smiling even as Niki reads him the riot act.

Didier could never get sick of getting into trouble as long as Gilles is in it with him.

Chapter Text

They make it back home late in the evening, Niki grumbling the whole drive back, something that could be explained by being dragged an hour out of the city, but Gilles figures it has something more to do with the fact that James is not by his side.

He notes it in his mind but tucks it away for the moment, resting his head against Didier in the back seat and keeping a chuckle to himself as they release Alain back to his apartment and he scurries off.

The rest of them don't head immediately back to their apartment. Rather Niki demands they buy him a drink for both the trouble of going to get them as well as bailing them out.

Gilles doesn't mind obliging him, the poor man looks like he needs it anyhow.

They pull into a spot outside Nigel's bar, Elio grinning wide as they step in, clearly knowing the chaos that follows them to their current moment. Gilles feels Didier stiffen slightly beside him as the realization washes over.

It was only a matter of time before everyone knew, before this gets back to Ferrari if it hadn't already.

Gilles gulps it down as something of a tension lingers just on the edges of the bar. He forgets often that this is technically Lotus territory, but that realization settles heavy now.

Niki, ever above all the politics of the city, doesn't seem to mind, nodding to Nigel slightly and motioning to the two of them. Wordlessly saying throw it on their tab.

They settle into their booth, and the whole bar feels almost quieter now. Gilles supposes that's because James isn't with them to fill the space.

"I really hate knowing you two, you know that?" Niki grumbles. Didier sits up a bit straighter at it, but Gilles relaxes back.

"No you don't."

"Yes, I really do." Niki says fingers pressed into his brow as he sighs. "Day in and day out chaos and just as I think I get a break from it for a day, you two interrupt it! and whats worse its not even for good reason! Just pure stupidity you—"

Niki sucks in a sharp breath. "You even dragged the poor kid into it! I mean Gilles— how could you be so stupid!"

Nigel, gratefully, swings by the table at that moment— placing down two beers for Didier and Gilles and a whiskey and coke for Niki. Didier turns to him in the moment, hoping to use the man and an interruption.

"Nigel, good to see you. How have things been?" Didier asks, desperately searching for a reprieve only to not find one as the man leans against the table and sighs deeply.

"Honestly, not well— another week another poor bloke strung out beyond repair. Its becoming a spot of bother really." He says. Didier hums sympathetically at it. He says something else, offering his condolences or fishing for more information Gilles doesn't quite know as something catches his eye and the world narrows down to it.

Niki, lifting his drink to his lips, a silver band just faintly glinting in the warm light of the bar.

He didn't have that before, Gilles would know, and this combined with James now missing from their merry little band—

Something interesting has happened while they were gone indeed.

Gilles manages to pull his eyes away from it before Niki seems to notice that he has seen it, tuning back in to the conversation.

Nigel is conversing freely with Didier, a bit of a smile on his face as Didier regales him with the tale of their trip. Elio also makes his way over, chatting idly and poking fun at them, asking about Alain some. He forgets that the two are fast friends.

Gilles jokes with them both, enjoying the brief bit of levity but his mind still drifts back to Niki. To the silver ring tapped against the glass, condensation pooling under his fingertips.

And Niki finishing his drink as the small moment winds down gives him the perfect chance.

They begin to wander out of the bar, saying their goodbyes to the crew gathered there when Didier throws out that he would like to stop by the casino on the way home, just to check on some things. Gilles encourages it immediately, seeing it as the chance to finally get Niki alone to ask the questions burning in him.

He waves Didier off with a smile, one he returns slightly lopsided and confused as Gilles climbs into the passenger seat of the car. Niki throws him a odd look as well but Gilles doesn't concern himself with it.

No one needs to understand what he's doing but him; its a motto that has gotten him very far.

He waits patiently, eyeing Niki heavily as he pulls up outside his apartment for the night.

"What, do you want me to yell at you more? Get out!" Niki says with a small laugh. Its a nice sound to pull from the man considering the gruff demeanor he has been holding since he picked them up.

Gilles hums a bit in response, settling heavy into the seat as he looks to Niki, a wry smile playing on his lips as it usually does when he's up to no good.

"Not until you tell me." Gilles says conspiratorially.

Niki snorts at it slightly. "Tell you what?"

"Why James isn't next to you," He says, pausing slightly as he shuffles, pointing at Niki's hand, "—and if it has something to do with that ring on your finger."

Niki's mood rapidly shifts, him turning away and staring starkly at the road ahead, turning the engine over in silence as he pulls back on the road, not turning towards his home but rather towards his office.

Its such a sudden shift, something Gilles was expecting yet it rocks him regardless, the ground feeling almost unstable here as Niki drives silent.

But he doesn't backtrack. Niki knows him— trusts him he would like to think. If he weren't up for talking he wouldn't be taking him somewhere to talk.

The weight of their motion into the office has all the vibrancy of a funeral procession. Gilles waits until the door closes behind them to speak.

"Niki—"

"Its my fault." Niki spits, not looking to him as he settles into his office chair, pulling a box of cigarettes out from a hidden container and lighting it before pulling out a nice bottle of scotch and pouring them both a glass.

It pings to him in that moment that something is very wrong. Very very wrong.

The Niki he knew didn't act like this, the Niki he knew didn't partake in vices so carelessly, so openly.

The Niki he knew always had James by his side.

"Niki— tell me. I will not judge." He says, and Niki levels a eye at him as he pulls a long drag from his cigarette.

"Yes you will." He says back, not with malice but in something of a knowing.

Gilles just shrugs, knowing better than to fight getting caught in a lie. A muscle twitches in Niki's cheek, something slight— an almost smile before it returns to his glum disposition.

"The simple version is this— James had enough of me. I chose the work over him and he had enough." Niki says with a shrug as if that hides the anger and sadness that rolls like a under his skin. Gilles nods along, pretending to believe him.

"And the not simple version? The one that explains— that?" Gilles prods, gesturing once more to the silver band on his finger.

Niki sighs deeply.

"Things have been a mess— I've kept tabs on it. I'm not sure how much you are aware of, too wrapped up in your casino, and your boy—"

It pulls a blush and a prideful smile to his cheeks but he stays silent, letting Niki continue.

"A lot of things are moving right now, almost too much to keep up with but I've been trying— too involved not to really. James wanted me out months ago, and I promised him I would be."

He grips the drink in his hand, taking a long sip and puffing on his cigarette again. Gilles always finds it odd how in times of stress Niki smokes them down to the filter, until the fire is licking at his skin.

"James had asked for dinner, had set it up. I didn't notice it for what it was— too wrapped up in my own shit. I was late— and I guess that was enough." He says, so very bitter on his tongue.

"He threw the box at me, after I said some shit I didn't mean— after he said some shit he didn't mean— or I hope so at least. And that was that, we just— didn't work anymore."

It clicks for Gilles then. It was a proposal in a way, or it was supposed to be. Would have been if not for—

Gilles takes a long sip of his drink, something of a commiseration.

Niki looks plain miserable.

Gilles stands seeing it, rotating around the desk to pull him into a soft side hug.

"I doubt its of comfort— but I don't think it will last forever. Just a rough patch." He says, soft as he can manage. Niki just rolls his eyes and lifts his hand form his shoulder, never one much for such physical comforts.

"And you know this how?" He asks, laughing humorlessly as Gilles stands from his side, walking to lean against the door as that wry smile creeps up again.

"You're wearing the ring he bought you." He laughs as an answer rolling his eyes as if it's obvious before stepping out of the office. Behind him he can hear Niki grumble and it brightens his smile some.

The walk home isn't far; it gives him time to think.

Niki and James— He thought through everything they would always be together. Truthfully its strange to even think of them as separate things from each other. For so long it had just been Niki-and-James, something as truthful as snow is cold and water is wet.

Its hard to shake the thought of, but something of it sticks. This life, the syndicates tearing them apart. Of dreams of getting out of this one day.

Gilles had long since made his peace with it, he didn't hold any false ideals of running from it— of settling in a nice quiet house with kids in the yard or anything. He just accepted the fact that once he had made it into Ferrari, life would be that in perpetuity— lonely as it may be.

That was, of course, until he met Didier.

Didier never asked of him to slow down, not really. They hadn't talked of it but he knew, deep down, Didier would be there to keep pace with him. He always would, always had since the moment they met. Like two puzzle pieces that were only made to go with each other, his equal in everything. He understood what this world called upon them both for.

Its easy to let his mind drift, to think of the ring on Niki's finger. To think of how that time spent waiting had lead to this fracture. A miscommunication of wants, of commitment to the job versus commitment to a partner.

Its easy to let his mind wander to how nice a ring of gold would look on Didier's skin.

Gilles wants, oh how he wants it.

He's rather used to getting the things he wants.

But he shakes the thought from his mind for now as he walks up the steps to their apartment, tucking the thought away to be dealt with in a more romantic, more thought out manner.

The apartment is dark when he gets to it.

Strange, He would have thought Didier would have been back from the casino by now.

It worries him some, just a prickle in the base of his spine that is quickly quenched by the sight of a note on the counter, tucked between the pages of The Epic of Gilgamesh he had been reading.

He unfolds it gently, blinking in the low light to read Didier's script.

Summoned to Maranello, Boss wants a check in.

Be home soon.

xx Didi

Gilles smiles lightly as he sighs, ambling to a bed that feels a little to big at the moment, and falling asleep thinking of how to ask him that ever so important question.

Maranello felt colder than it should have. Almost like a cold front was just hovering over the city, a gray cloud dulling the saturation of the place. Didier tries to not think of it as an omen.

He can't say he was surprised by the call, not with how much stupid chaos the two of them had caused. Not just in their little romantic retreat but in everything else as well.

Something he was just coming to know from Nigel, the chaos that was starting to burn in the streets. Its a shame really, he should have noticed it all much sooner.

But with the casino, with Gilles, with Alain— his overview had narrowed so heavily. Too narrow to be anything good.

He pushes open the door, foot steps echoing across gilded tiles in a way that makes the space feel larger than it is.

More hollow.

He shakes it off as he reaches Enzo's office, taking a deep, steadying breath before he pushes in to face the music of his recklessness.

Enzo isn't facing him as he walks in. His shoulders set in a stiff line as he frowns heavily out the window, hands clasped behind his back like he's holding himself back.

Didier stands up a bit straighter.

"Mr. Ferrari? You wanted to—"

"Sit down, Pironi." Enzo cuts him of in a cold and level tone. Didier does so, swallowing down the lump that builds in his throat. Its something of an unconscious instinct that has him gently palming the knife tucked into the pocket of his slacks. A gift from Gilles. It fit so perfectly in his palm— it grounds him a touch.

Its silent for a moment as Enzo paces the floors, his feet falling loud like a torch bearer on the way to the pyre. Didier can almost smell the smoke already.

"I had such high hopes for you, you know that? I really gambled by placing you here." Enzo starts, still not looking to him as he picks a glass of water of the desk and swirls it slightly.

"I thought to myself— Here is someone seasoned, who can learn our ways. I paired you with one of our greats, I thought he would make you better. I was wrong. If anything— you have made him worse."

The mention of Gilles stings, like ice against a burn, pulling up at the skin. He dips his head slightly, staring at his hands.

The footsteps approach him quickly, a hand tugging him up by the jaw, fingers digging in to the meat of his cheeks.

"You look to me when I'm speaking to you." Enzo spits like venom. Didier can't do much other than nod to it as the fingers release, and Enzo steps back— smoothly back into his calmness as if nothing had happened.

Its disconcerting in a way, something of a terror building in him.

"You have strayed so far, with your antics, being caught so reckless by the police on what? A vacation? How juvenile. And don't get me started on how you toe the company line, taking a Renault operative of all things under your wing, spending your nights not working but drinking in bars in lotus territory, all the while dragging Gilles with you— as if you value a livelihood over this work." His fury is heavy on his brow. It makes Didier's breath catch as Enzo steps back once more, turning to look out the window with cold indifference.

"I will say this to you once, and only once. I will not stand for such a backslide in this organization. Truthfully, I only considered keeping you because you and Gilles work so well together, but if you think for a moment you will ever be held to the same caliper as him? You're dead wrong, Pironi. He knows well that Ferrari is his life, you could take the opportunity to learn the same. If I hear another peep of you straying from your work, of you not understanding your place, of you falling out of line— the consequence will be severe. Do you understand me."

His speech leaves no room for argument, especially in the way it rolls a nausea into Didier's stomach.

He wants to fight back, to explain how balance with a life makes his work stronger, to fight against the idea that he is anything other than Gilles's equal— yet the words sink to the pit of his stomach like hot steel quenched in oil.

So he doesn't say any of the things he wants to say, just nods and utters a "Yes sir," as confident as he can manage.

Enzo nods faintly. "Keep an eye on your phone and your mail, I will have more work for you soon. You are dismissed."

It takes everything in Didier to not let the chair scrape the floor as he rushes out, scrambling to a bathroom just down the hall as his nerves finally overflow, retching into the bowl with the tile cold against his trembling hands.

Fuck.

He knew it all of course, had felt it. Gilles was something special to Ferrari, special in a way he could never be to them. But to hear it all laid out like that, to hear each and every action judged so acrimoniously— it rises something bitter in him.

At the least he takes some comfort in knowing that it's just Enzo that thinks that, maybe Ferrari as a whole. But Gilles would never think of him as anything less than an equal— right?

He shakes the thought as he stands, wiping a bit of bile from the corner of his mouth, staring at himself hard in the mirror, and he makes a decision.

He would— he would cut back, focus forward on Ferrari, on the casino. On Gilles— the thought of leaving him out of his plans is a total anathema to him.

In whatever bedlam rose next (he was sure it was bound to with the way Enzo spoke) he would keep Ferrari — keep Gilles— in the forefront of it.

The kid didn't need them hovering constantly anyway— Alain could grow better if he got out from under them some.

He takes a deep breath, standing up straighter as he fixes his jacket, his tie, his slacks; Becomes every inch of perfect Enzo expects him to be.

There is a small but pleasant comfort in the fact that Gilles is waiting for him when he arrives home, even more so when he wordlessly lets him tuck himself into his side without a word as they rock their way back to the bedroom.

Something soft and quiet.

Gilles doesn't ask anything of him, Didier doesn't even start to explain.

The next few months are chaos as predicted.

Something bubbling under the surface of the streets, more violence, more over doses. Didier only pays it mind when it encroaches on them, when the police hover around the casino.

He and Gilles both walk the streets a little straighter now. Didier doesn't go anywhere without the knife Gilles gifted him; Gilles doesn't go anywhere without loading his gun first.

It's tense. Not between them, never really been with them, but he would be remiss to not note how the atmosphere outside creeps its way into their sanctuary.

its like the honeymoon phase has ended, and then Gilles is being odd on top of it; looking to Didier in a strange way when he thinks he can't see. But he can't fault him, Didier is doing the same.

Neither of them speak of it, they don't get the chance too.

Enzo keeps them far too busy, him and Gilles sent on tasks past the scope of the casino. Sent to monitor supply lines.

He can tell it bothers Gilles— the way more and more weapons and drugs are making their way into the city. But Ferrari asks this task of them, so Gilles does it. And Because Ferrari asks this task of them, because Gilles will do it, Didier can't argue it.

He keeps at his decision, focusing his all on Gilles, on Ferrari— giving all he has.

It doesn't hurt as much as he thought to cut Alain out of things, to distance himself from Renault in that way.

The heartbreak of that is saved by Alain finding someone, Nelson Piquet. Didier could think of better options to pick in the city, but he could also think of much much worse.

And the work builds, and it builds.

They can't catch a break from it.

Managing supply here, chaos at the casino there, Gilles acting odd though it all.

He hasn't even had the chance to ask Gilles why he's been so odd.

It comes to a peak when they roll into town late one evening only to hit a police barricade.

Didier rolls down the window as they pass it, stopping in front of a cop he knew was a regular at the casino.

"What happened?" He asks, Gilles leaning forward to listen in.

The cop sighs loudly, looking around to ensure no one is looking to hard before he leans down to answer.

"Murder. I don't know the victim, but he seems somewhat important— McLaren if I had to guess." He says as Didier and Gilles nod solemnly.

It's almost easy for Didier to dismiss it out of hand, to sit and say not Ferrari, not my problem. But then the cop rocks back some.

"A witness said it was some kid did it, short with dark curly hair—"

Didier tunes him out completely as his hands tighten on the wheel. Beside him, Gilles stiffens some too, not enough for the officer to notice but Didier does.

That was Alain.

Renault in fights with McLaren? That was big, but even more so— Alain.

Alain doing that—Alain leaving a witness. He didn't do things like that. Never so unclean.

Something had shifted, something that sucked Alain down into the bedlam building in the streets. If he could be pulled into it— Didier and Gilles knew well they were next up on the food chain.

They nod to their informant before they carry on in silence— complete and deadly silence.

The second the door shuts, Didier breaks.

"Jesus fuck—" He grumbles, months of stress ridding on his shoulders as he presses the palms of his hands to his eyes.

Gilles is on it quickly, pulling his hands away from his face as he quietly pulls him down to rest their foreheads together.

"Shh shh it's ok." He murmurs, and Didier shakes his head, eyes still screwed shut.

"It's not—" he whines back, his shoulders relaxing some. Gilles pulls him farther into him, tucking his head into his shoulder and running his hands up his back to pull him infinitely closer.

"Can it be not Ok in the morning? For now we just rest?" He hums against his neck. Didier nods slightly, letting Gilles pull him through the apartment as his breathing settles.

"I love you." He murmurs into the flesh of his shoulder as they both settle in to sleep. He can just see the glint of Gilles's smile as he turns off the lights and rolls over to him.

"Love you too." He hums gently as he rests against him, hips pressed to his thigh as a hand wanders up to push a stray hair from his cheek.

But the hand keeps wandering, down across his chest, down to his slacks.

"Gilles—" Didier says, a slight warning to his tone as he settles a hand over his wrist. He can hear the way Gilles's face splits into a smile.

"What? You can't sleep in these clothes." He defends, inching up till the hot breath of his voice causes goosebumps to rise on Didier's neck. "You're stressed— I'm stressed. Why not indulge in something for a moment?"

It was so hard to say no to him, especially when Didier didn't want too.

Gilles laughs slightly as Didier releases his wrist, slowly pressing wet kiss to the skin he exposes as he goes down.

He shucks the shirt easily, letting Gilles undo his pants. He pauses slightly as he gets to the waistband of his boxers to sit up, removing his shirt and pants as he settles between his legs, looking up to him with a scheming smile as his fingers dance across the top of his sips.

"Gilles—" he warns again, voice carrying a tense layer of need.

"You look so hot like this." Gilles hums softly as he pulls his boxers down and lets his eyes settle on his prize for the evening.

He takes Didier into his mouth quickly, already hard with how tense he had been as of late.

Didier forgets, forgets the chaos teaming in the streets under them, forgets Enzo's haunting words, forgets everything past the warm heat of Gilles's mouth on him.

It goes quicker than it should, Didier grunting out as he tries and fails to pull Gilles from him before he spills over.

He just lets his head flop back as he breathes heavily, Gilles pulling up beside him with a devilish grin as he wipes his mouth on the back of his hand.

It takes a few moments more for Didier to remember his manners.

"I uhm— let me—" Didier reaches for him only for Gilles to still his hand before it reaches him.

"No, no— I'm alright." Gilles says with a soft awkward laugh, tucking his head against Didier's shoulder. He can feel the way heat rises in his cheeks at it. Didier shifts some, faintly feeling the wetness of Gilles's boxers, and he smiles.

"A bit pent up hm?" Didier hums as he kicks his pants the rest of the way off, rolling over on top of him to rid him of the soiled garment.

"You have no idea—" Gilles laughs back as they settle, kissing Didier deeply. He can taste himself on his lips as he pulls the sheets up.

Didier pulls him close, tucking against him as he slowly falls asleep.

And faintly, almost as if he is dreaming it, he swears he hears Gilles whisper "I'm going to marry you one day."

Didier sincerely hopes it isn't a dream.

Hours later, woken late by the mid-day sun, the phone ringing breaks the peace of their quiet moment.

Gilles rises to answer it, taking the sheets with him as Didier grumbles.

"Hello?" Gilles mumbles into the line, rubbing at his eyes as Didier pulls on his pants.

"Ah Niki yes I—" Gilles quiets slightly, cut of by Niki on the line as he stands up a bit straighter. Didier watches it carefully, tugging on his shirt.

Niki talks for a moment before Gilles gets the chance.

"Can Didier come as well?" He asks. Didier gets his confirmation of it by the way his face splits into a grin as he hangs up.

"Niki wants us at his office." He says simply, moving to pull on some clothes before he heads to the door.

And like in all things— where Gilles goes, Didier follows.

Chapter Text

The mood as they return home from the strike is haunted.

Didier feels— he doesn't even know. It's like someone had taken a spoon to his guts and scooped everything out. Just a hollow all consuming pit deep in his stomach.

Alain.

Renault.

Fuck.

He would throw up if there was anything in him to throw up.

But he holds it together, if not just for Alain who is still shaking slightly in the backseat. The words of his confession still ringing in Didier's ear.

"It's my fault. I started this and now they have taken it from me. I am not mine anymore."

He chokes it back as they forgo dropping Alain off completely, heading straight to their apartment. Didier's hands gripping the wheel hard enough to break.

"I am not mine anymore."

Alain bristles slightly in the back seat as they drive past his place, worrying his lip between his teeth.

"Where are we—" he starts softly.

"We're taking you to our place" Gilles answers simply, voice soft in a way rarely heard. Something kind.

Alain says nothing, his acceptance of their help without combat is telling enough of how he's doing.

If the wheel was going to break, Didier surely would have snapped it already. And it's not just the state of things with Alain, not just with the mess of Renault.

It's that terrible selfish part of him that can't help but look at Alain, and see that bit of himself in it. In the Ferrari of it all.

I am not mine anymore.

Something of not seeing an escape from it, of being so very tied to an organization that treats you terribly. Not as a person, but as a pawn.

That terrible selfish part of him that can see how eager they all are to get Alain out of it, and wonders— wonders if he can do the same.

But that is thoughts for later, after they drag Alain into the apartment and Gilles sets on cooking something— Didier doesn't question what. He'll eat anything, even whatever Gilles manages to cook.

In the meanwhile, Didier sits and tries not to spiral over his decisions as his eyes cast along the bruising on Alain's neck. Its already faded green and yellow, soon enough it will be gone without a trace. but the other wounds, those that sit deeper under the surface— those may never fully heal right.

He knows logically it isn't his fault, but the thought still tumbles into his head over weather focusing so heavily on his work, on Ferrari, on Gilles— if he would have been able to prevent it somehow.

He shakes that thought from his head as Gilles sets a plate in front of him, something gentle in the quiet domesticity of it.

Alain picks at his food more than he eats it, but he does eat it. That gives him some comfort at least.

And its so quiet. None of them can broach the magnitude of the weight of the silence. Strange, how something so very heavy can feel so fragile.

Its Alain who breaks it first, pushing his plate away as the ceramic makes a scraping sound against the granite.

"I should go." He says, soft as if he doesn't want them to hear it, but it falls heavy in the silence of the room.

"You need to get some things from your place?" Gilles offers, cutting past the meaning of it, maybe calling his bluff. Didier watches carefully as the tension builds.

Alain shrugs slightly, holding himself tightly.

"No I-"

Gilles doesn't let him finish, won't let him distance himself. "I'll go with you to grab some things and we can move them over."

Alain bristles at it some so Gilles passes a small smile to him. "Come on, its been some time. it would be nice to have you stay."

Its subtle, a clever way of manipulation Gilles had always been good at, taking the onus on him, ignoring the weight of reality. It gives Alain an out, one he takes quickly.

"Sure. I don't want to see Nelson anyway." He says with a laugh. Its not the full truth, they know, but they both don't call him on it. Its better that way, gentler.

As they stand, Didier hands Alain his jacket, subtly slipping the cigarettes out of the pocket of it.

Its nothing, the tiniest of actions, but it makes Didier feel a bit better about everything.

He smiles as they leave, watching as Gilles turns with a scheming smile and Didier catches a bit of his words as they walk off.

"I have some ideas on how we can get back at Nelson— do you have eggs in your fridge?"

Its small, extremely slight, but Didier sees a smile on Alain's face as the door shuts.

It brings him small, quiet peace as they leave, the comfort in knowing that Alain can smile still through it all. Maybe that was just Gilles's influence as well; he had a skill for making the grayest of clouds part for the sunshine.

He takes a moment to sit in the peace of it, the slight glimmer of hope, before he sets to work.

Its a delectate balance, where he's at now. Had it not been for Ferrari and the words Enzo had spoken he wouldn't feel so unsteady on his feet as he ventures out of the apartment to his office.

Something in him twists as he walks, something angry and sad and stressed that begs for the answer to be laid clear in front of him, something that begs for this to not be so difficult.

He doesn't get so lucky.

His office is a mess of notes, trade expansions, casino communications—the works. His answering machine is blissfully empty, which at the very least gives him time to construct something of a story to explain to Enzo later—knowing Niki and Gilles were involved should help some in that regard at least.

Something in that thought clicks with him though.

Niki and Gilles, combine that with him and Alain— with James and maybe even Elio and Nigel if he could get them out from under the glare of Lotus. Its a thought in its own right. Niki was by far one of the more powerful players in the criminal underbelly of Monaco, and the rest of them were no slumps—

If he could just pull some strings, flex his might in just the right way with Renault's destruction—

Maybe they could make their own syndicate. Something better, something strong, something that kept the peace with these long warring institutions. Maybe they could—

The insignia of the jacket hung over the back of his chair glares at him with a difference of opinion.

For now maybe— he could think smaller.

Renault had been encroaching on Ferrari territory for close to a year at this point, had been an issue on the radar for much longer. Didier knew that war was half the reason he had been scooped up and folded into the Ferrari ecosystem.

Maybe, if he played his cards right, if he did the right things in the right order— This take down of Renault could be a great show of force by Ferrari at least.

None of the other syndicates would have the same might to reason with it at least, weren't dealing out of a stacked deck like Ferrari was. Didier knew in this big game of poker they all played in their shoves for power, Ferrari was always the house.

Didier knew well that the house always wins.

He was not one to bet against it, especially not now when the ante contained his very livelihood, when it contained Alain's.

He starts digging through his files, hunting for notes, old documents of Renault supply lines and the like. It would be a lot he knew, but he had a place to start now.

A few weeks later, they start.

It had been surprisingly easy to establish the plan with Enzo, giving out just enough of the information while leaving a few of the more true details out.

With Niki on board with it, with the simple explanation of a spotted weakness in Renault's infrastructure— combined with some of the actual truth of how Renault had been behind some of the skirmishes they had faced on the north side of Ferrari territory— it had been an easy sell.

Plus the vigor, while likely misplaced from Enzo's point of view, made Didier look a bit more invested with the Ferrari element, railing against his old bosses in a manner as such.

Didier was more than happy to let him think that.

In the meanwhile, Gilles and Didier had settled Alain in to staying with Niki and James, something that brings a smile to Gilles's face that Didier doesn't quite understand.

And they are off, guns piled into the back of their car as they drive to the border of Italy and France, scoping out a major warehouse site right on the harbor.

That part had been Didier's doing, settling late at night in the same war room they had used for the strike.

Gilles had been rather overzealous about storming Renault headquarters with guns blazing, a manic kind of smile on his face as he talked. Didier talked him back, laying out an idea to hit the supply lines covertly at first, let them panic.

Slicing the heads of the hydra so fast they wouldn't be able to regrow them, then going for the heart.

Niki had agreed with him there, and it made the vote 2-1 in Didier's favor.

So they drove, less of a paper trail that way, and settled in some shitty hotel where Gilles knew the manager and knew he wouldn't spread word of their arrival.

The room had two beds, one for them, another for Didier to lay out the old maps he still had.

And by the time the sun sets, they have a plan. By the time it goes dark, they are moving in.

The docks are still quite lively despite the late hour. Didier spots a few guards outside, three to be exact. Not too much of a concern. He fixes the silencer on his handgun while Gilles grabs some charges from the truck.

"You ready?" he asks lightly as he comes up to stand beside him, something a bit too eager in his eyes. Always the adrenaline junky. Didier flashes the same look back.

"I take out the guards, cause a distraction. You set up the charges. When we're both clear you set them off. I figure I'm as ready as I'll ever be." He says as he pops the radio ear piece in.

Gilles smiles wide as he leans up to kiss him gently, popping hin his own radio piece.

"Love you" he says as he walks off, voice crackly over the radio.

"Be safe." Didier laughs back as he strides off on his own, gently approaching the building, carefully staying in the shadows as to not raise undue attention.

The Renault insignia fits perfectly in the crosshair of his scope as he lines up his first shot.

He takes a breath, then another— and he shoots down the first guard.

He falls easily, the shot clean. There is a brief moment where nothing happens, then the guard next to him starts his scramble.

Didier lets him, lets the man call out in stress and warning. It was all part of the distraction of course, a controlled distraction he couldn't get with the noise of an unsuppressed weapon.

He waits until the calls ring out, waits until he can see the whites of the man's eyes, then he drops him as well.

"First two down. Go in." He calls over the radio to Gilles as he runs from one hidden spot to another.

"Affirm." Gilles replies, laughing slightly after a moment. "They are scrambling like bugs in here Didi."

"How many?"

"About five?"

Didier grumbles slightly over the line as he repositions himself in a different set of shadows.

The first on then men fly out the back entrance with eyes peeled and guns ready, searching.

Didier doesn't recognize them, and he supposes that is for the better.

If he had recognized them, if he had known who specifically was responsible for the horrors Alain had faced— he would never be able to be this efficient.

No, he would have to make things personal if he knew who was responsible— that would come later though. When they finally got to the belly of the beast.

to kill Renault and to make them suffer along the way.

He lines up another few shots, opting for his more long range weapon he had on his back. This time he isn't lucky enough to go unspotted.

One of the Renault operatives catches the glint of his scope, dodges and weaves to fire shots at him.

Its not bad yet, but it could quickly get precarious.

"Gilles, you almost done?" He tries to not huff over the line as he tries to get a bead on the guy who spotted him.

"Almost— Mother fuck— Give me a second." Gilles bites out over the line, clearly focused on something.

Didier tries not to worry as he shuffles his position and a bullet whizzes by an inch from his shoulder.

Its getting messy.

"Gilles—" he says back, strained as he shuffles back. Behind him he can hear the sounds of footfalls approaching.

Gritting his teeth he pulls the safety on his gun to turn back and face this encroaching opponent only to be met with the sight of Gilles running up the steps.

"Fucking send it!" He gasps out as he launches himself on to the floor next to Didier.

And because Didier trusts him implicitly, because he knows they are far enough away, because he knows there is absolutely no other way of getting the guy pinning him down off his ass— He does.

Didier grips the remote detonator and slams his thumb into the top of it.

and for a long moment— nothing happens.

BOOM

The sky is painted a thousand shades of white and gold and red and orange as the warehouse depot gets decimated to oblivion.

The blast is strong enough for them to feel the way it rocks their building, strong enough to knock the breath from their chests.

It knocks them completely on to the floor behind their small alcove of protection as the world goes deafeningly quiet in the wake of it.

so very quiet.

The first thing Didier sees when he removes his head from where it is shielded under his hands is Gilles—Gilles with ash catching in his hair like snowfall as it rains down from the building.

There is the immediate fear, the briefest of moments when Gilles looks a bit to still for his liking.

Didier sits up to check on him, placing a hand on his shoulder. In return he gets proof of life in the way Gilles's chest sinks with the sudden release of the breath he had been holding, and a smile turned his way as he starts to giggle.

Ever so softly, ever so gentle, Gilles laughs as ash rains down from the heavens like snow.

"I'm glad you are having fun with this." Didier huffs out as he surveys the surroundings, checking for any remaining threats. Gilles's eyes never leave him, still smiling bright as the building burning behind them, something almost odd in that lopsided smile that spells he is up to no good.

"What?" Didier asks as he stands up, offering Gilles a hand which he takes without hesitation.

“Didier. I love you. I really want to marry you.” Gilles says, voice light but serious as he grips his hand, still giggling softly. It still rocks Didier's entire world.

And, it’s the inevitable really—them having felt it since as long as they have known each other. It was always inexorably approaching.

Didier never thought much of it, so much of Gilles felt inevitable. And where he goes, Didier would follow.

“Gilles. I— I love you too. Fuck, let’s not even wait.” He replies as he pulls Gilles up into his arms. He can feel Gilles grinning against the skin of his neck.

“There is a church down the street that owes me a favor.” He says and Didier snorts.

Of course. Of course there is.

Gilles had been waiting for this moment.

He didn't know exactly when he would ask exactly, but he had been waiting for months, carrying the rings around with him just in case the inspiration struck.

He had been hoping it would be more romantic, but with the chaos floating around them, with the hectic space of this Renault take down— something of a flash of mortality had struck him.

He didn't want to wait.

He wanted Didier to be his. In all official capacities.

Despite how simple and cliche it might sound, he couldn't think of a future without Didier in it. Next to him, always right next to him. Their sails stronger in the storms that buffeted them.

To bring Ferrari back to the forefront, to be great together.

After all— Enzo was an old man. Forgive Gilles for thinking it, but when he pictured the future it was him in that seat. Him walking the gilded halls of that house on the hill.

With Didier beside him— it could be something more powerful than they could ever imagine.

Gilles smiles bright as they set back to the hotel, to grab the rings he had out of his luggage. Didier rolls his eyes but blushes slightly as he runs down the steps with the box in his hands.

"You have been planing this?" He asks, slightly breathless as Gilles climbs in the car.

"Of course I have. I don't— I never wanted you to go far from me." He replies, voice softer than he was expecting it to be. something of a raw unexpected honesty that Didier pulled from him so easily.

Didier grabs him by the shirt collar and kisses him senseless the moment he says it.

A strong kiss, like all the passion of them could be collapsed into one simple action. Gilles leans into it, chases it when Didier pulls back.

"Lets— Lets get to the chapel." He pants out, breathless as he cranks the car and drives down to the church.

Gilles knew the church well, had made good friends of the priest there when he had been new to the business and overseeing the border exchanges for Ferrari. God he had been so young then— if only that version of him could see him now.

The ceremony is simple once they arrive to the church. The priest greets them with a surprised smile as Gilles shakes the ash out of his hair with the free hand that isn't grasped in Didier's.

Its late enough at night that the cathedral is almost entirely empty. The priest drags them to the center of the room anyway, waving to a nun who was tending to the candles to approach and bear witness after Gilles tells him what is happening.

The priest forgoes the preambles entirely, cutting right to the point.

"Do you have the rings?" He asks Gilles, who slips them out of his pocket with ease. its only then that he looks up to Didier.

He always looked beautiful— that was a fact. But Gilles considered himself truly lucky to be one of the few that gets to see Didier be soft. In the moment he pulls out the rings, Didier's eyes rest on his face, a faint pink high on his pale cheeks, blue eyes reflecting the candle light.

And Gilles, for the first time in his entire life, has no clue what he will say.

Blessedly, the priest asks Didier to speak first.

"Oh Uhm—" Didier shuffles slightly on his toes, looking down at the floor in this soft shy why that followed him from time to time. Gilles watches as he takes a large breath and rolls his shoulders back some before he speaks.

"Gilles— you are the craziest devil I've ever met. I'm sure that is something you have heard before but— no one I have met in my life has matched me as perfectly as you have. From the very moment I saw you, I knew— you have changed me forever in the best of ways—"

He pauses slightly, something thick in the emotions building in his throat.

"Where you go— I will always follow."

In the glimmer of the candle light, Gilles swears he can see tears building in his lash line. Something joyful despite the pain around them.

Then its Gilles's turn.

"Didi— I—" the words come out stuttered, something to thick to speak past. He isn't used to it, something so strong he can't even get the words out.

Ever so gently, Didier reaches for his hands— grasps them tight into a reassuring embrace.

Gilles takes a breath and starts again.

"I love you so much. For so long I had— I had been so very lonely until I met you. You— you are such a good match for me. It's nice, to know someone will follow me, that you will always have my back. For now and for always." He says, and the tears flow freely as he does.

Gentle in that way Didier always was with him, he wipes the tears from his cheeks before they have the chance to hit the floor.

And they are standing in a church in France in the middle of the night. They are wearing jeans and dark t-shirts that smell faintly of smoke and ash still sits gently in their hair and the rings Gilles holds are warm against his palm from the heat of his grasp.

The priest takes the rings, handing one to each of them as he turns to Gilles.

"Do you Gilles Villeneuve take Didier Pironi to be your husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death you part do part?"

Gilles looks up into his eyes, taking his hand and sliding the ring on as he says "I Do."

Then the priest turns to Didier and asks the same.

Didier slides the ring on with a laugh as it hangs off Gilles's finger, about a size too big. "I Do."

It gives Gilles a wide smile to know he is right when he looks down at their hands.

Didier does look good in gold.

Gilles uses the day after to get a chain to place his ring on.

Didier only mocks him a little bit about getting his own ring size wrong, but he finds his husband's insistence on not getting it resized rather cute.

His Husband.

Didier would never get sick of being able to say that. A warm wash of emotion rolling through him.

Then a cold wave comes in the wake of it as he pauses slightly, hand on the door to the car.

"Didier?" Gilles questions slightly as he slides into the drivers seat.

"We just got married."

"Yeah? I was there remember." Gilles says with a laugh as Didier takes a seat on the passenger side.

"No I mean— we just got married and no one was there." He says. And it takes a second for that to click into Gilles's brain.

"Fuck. Niki is going to kill us." He sighs out.

"If Alain doesn't get to us first." Didier adds on.

They sit in silence for a long moment before Gilles cranks the car to start driving home.

"We'll tell them when we get back? Promise to throw a big party at Nigel's or something." Gilles decides with a shrug.

"Yeah. When we get back. Then party when this Renault business is done." Didier says with a nod.

The reminder of their job sits heavy between them. Not awkward or tense, just heavy.

Didier find a bit of small comfort in rolling the ring around his finger.

The drive is relatively short, a comfortable drive through the countryside with the radio playing softly between them. It eases the weight of it, a gentle glide down the mountain they peer over.

Yet the rocks at the bottom still greet them as they come into town.

They don't stop at their apartment first, choosing instead to go directly to Niki and James's place, wanting to nail down the details of the job and discuss next steps— and more importantly break the news.

Its calm, peaceful even in a way as they coast around the corner.

Its a peace violently quenched by the sight that greats them.

A car, burnt and mangled in the street. Its burned out husk sitting just outside Niki's apartment, ash still stuck to the roads like no one had had the time to clean it up yet.

Gilles slows as they approach it, gulping audibly as they get close enough to inspect.

"Its not—" Didier starts, a faint horror on his face as they drive up to it.

"Its Alain's." Gilles grits out as he pulls into a parking spot a bit too fast.Didier doesn't mind even as the breaks squeal at it, letting the momentum of the car's sudden stop propel him out of the vehicle.

He thinks one thought as he runs to the door, one small line from the book he had been reading, the epic he had yet to finish.

don't let them take you from me

They make it to the stoop in quick long strides, Gilles tucking himself just behind Didier as they don't bother knocking. Gilles just fumbles for his spare key and lets them tumble through the door.

"Fucking Christ! Learn to knock you heathens!" James yells out from the den as he sees them stumble in, announcing their arrival to the residence. His calm appearance helps mollify them slightly, but not nearly enough.

"Where—" Didier starts as he brushes himself off. James cuts him off quickly, throwing his chin up in the direction of the kitchen in the back.

"Thanks." Gilles tosses back as Didier pulls him to the kitchen, his heartbeat pounding in their grasped hands.

Didier doesn't quite breathe right until he makes it to the back, when he finally lays eyes on both Niki and Alain and insures that they are alright.

Physically at least, it quells the fear in him.

Niki is standing idly, his eyes drifting to them as they scramble in. Alain is sitting on the window ledge, blowing a puff of smoke out it.

"You're alright?" Gilles asks, slightly breathless as he pulls out a chair. Niki and Alain share a look, Alain with his eyebrows raised slightly as Niki passes a tired hand over his eyes.

"Yes. We are fine. Alain— Would you like to tell them what happened?" Niki says, gruff and ever so slightly paternal in that way he always was. Didier's eyes drift over to Alain as a faint blush of embarrassment climbs on his cheeks and he flicks the cigarette out of the window.

"Renault tried to blow me."

"Alain!"

Alain laughs, bright and loud. Its a nice break to the tension. Niki sighs dramatically as he pinches his brow between his fingers.

"Renault just tried to blow you up, and you crack jokes?" He retorts, only for Alain to pass an apathetic shrug.

Niki sighs again as Gilles and Didier watch the verbal spar.

"Renault just tried to blow me up, I think I should be allowed to do what I want." Alain says back, something tight under his light tone. Didier watches as Niki rocks back on his heels slightly, conceding the fight.

"They tried to blow you up?" Gilles asks, tone incredulous as he looks to Alain.

"Yeah, I kinda deserved it though."

"Alain!" All three of them yell in unison, causing the man to freeze up slightly, physically biting his tongue as he looks away from them— a slight nervous bounce to his leg as something heavy and serious creeps back into the room.

Gilles stands from his seat, walking over to grab him by the shoulders. Alain tilts his head slightly to listen to him, but doesn't look him in the eye.

"Listen to me. Nothing you could do could deserve this." He says, voice gentle but firm.

"Even if I told you I slept with my old bosses wife?" He says. It has the phrasing of a joke but not the tone of one.

Niki moves to pour himself a drink, Didier makes brief eye contact and Niki grabs two glasses instead of one.

"You—" Gilles catches him self slightly, shaking his head as he laughs a bit. "No. Not even if you slept with his wife."

Niki spares them a glance, then to James that has wandered over, and pulls out three more glasses, warm brandy being produced from a cabinet as they all settle into the space of the kitchen.

Across the island from them, Gilles waits for Alain to look at him properly, to nod slightly before he releases him.

"So— I guess that moves our timeline up." Gilles says as he moves back to his seat in the kitchen, pulling a chair up to the island as Alain leans back against the window.

Niki nods softly, taking a sip of his drink.

"Enzo called while you were out. Something up near Maranello. With everything Alain picked up from Renault, I think the higher ups are regrouping, especially once they get news of the warehouse."

He pauses slightly, eyeing them both. Didier has his hands clasped behind his back and Gilles's chain is tucked under his shirt but somehow— somehow he thinks Niki knows.

Because he smiles gently, so softly, and he passes a brief glance at James and then down to his own ring before looking at his glass again. But he says nothing of it; it just feels warm.

"James and I will look at the Renault stuff. You two rest for a bit, then see what the old man wants with you up in Imola. I think these might be one in the same." He says instead of commenting, settling back as he sips from his glass.

Gilles and Didier nod in tandem, choosing to stick around for a bit and drink and relax before heading off.

Alain scurries off at some point, wandering out into the temperate spring evening with them before waving slightly and heading to his car before seeming to remember and letting his shoulders sag slightly before disappearing on foot.

It's a darkly comedic scene; Didier likes to find the small levity in it. The community of their merry band of misfits, how warm it feels. How much it feels like a home in the way Ferrari never quite had.

They climb into the car, Niki and James giving them a farewell wave.

And there is brief silence.

"So— we tell them after Imola?" Gilles laughs slightly, taking Didier's hand and feeling over the ring.

"Yes. After Imola." Didier breathes back, a smile on his face as he leans over to kiss Gilles on the cheek. "My Husband."

Gilles blushes, pink as the setting sun over the Mediterranean.

Chapter Text

Its a beautiful day in late April when they head out.

Alain, now having purchased a new car to replace his destroyed one, had practically jumped at the opportunity to give them a ride to the airport in Nice. He was doing that often as of late, they did their best to protect his pride by not mentioning it.

The windows are down sending Didier and Gilles's hair flying as they chat and hum along to the music blasting out the speakers. Gilles has his head in Didier's lap and his feet out the window as they cruised through the mountain roads, taking the scenic route.

And the moment is perfect, so very perfect. On a beautiful day in late April before they catch a plane to Imola.

Maybe it should have been an omen; none of them know it at the time.

They wave goodbye to Alain as they drag their luggage onto the flight, and just like that they are off— off to destroy what remains of Renault.

Enzo had called in a bit earlier in the week, confirming some of the information they already had, something of the higher ups at Renault congregating in the city.

Didier pays Enzo little mind in his planing, but he does jot down the new snippets of information he passes on, scanning out maps of the hotel and bar the Renault forces had been spotted at.

Gilles doodles in the margins of those scanned out notes and Didier really doesn't mind it as they reach cruising altitude.

The plan is simple really, scout out their list of five targets, take them out one by one. Private— impersonal. Didier doesn't quite like that he won't be able to take his time with them, but he agrees its better for them to be ghosts.

In the mean time he has to build up the courage to ask Gilles the question that has been lingering.

Gilles, sat so calm and beautiful in the seat across from him. He has his tongue sticking out the corner of his mouth in concentration as he disassemble and cleans his weapon.

This work so far had been clean and under the radar. It was easy to forget that it was all being done under the approval of Enzo; truth be told Ferrari had so little to do with the task at hand.

The shadows Renault was running from was not in the shape of a prancing horse. No, it was of them. Gilles and Didier and Niki. That is what they feared; their little conglomerate Niki had deemed something simple— The Eastern Syndicate.

It felt so real, so strong. Something that could be even bigger if they could commit themselves fully to it. Didier hadn't said anything yet, but he knew well that Ferrari would be a temporary deal for him— knew that his time was running short with Renault almost destroyed.

But Gilles— Didier touches the ring gently as he thinks, a small smile on his lips— Gilles would never be temporary.

He had to get them out of this, out of that house. But— how to ask it? He opens a new page of his notebook and starts to plot something out.

They land quickly, a short flight.

Gilles presses a kiss to his cheek as they disembark.

"You go on and start a base camp for us. The old man wanted to talk to me about something." He says gently.

Didier nods simply, pressing a kiss back as they split off.

It was a beautiful day in late April— calm before the rains come.

Maranello greats Gilles warmly as ever, a thick kind of heat he wasn't expecting this time of year. Hot in a way it felt like he was wading through it.

The cool metal of his wedding ring offers a relief from it slightly.

Gilles wipes his brow with the back of his hand as he pushes open the doors to that house on the hill.

It doesn't take long for Enzo to greet him, stepping out of his office at the sound of the door opening.

"Gilles! So good to see you, my boy! Come in, come in." He waves gently, ushering Gilles into his office.

Gilles greets him warmly, leaning in to press air-kisses to his cheek. The french way of life had rubbed of on him some it seems.

"Enzo— Lovely to see you as always." He says as he follows the man into the office, the door swinging shut firmly behind them like an air lock.

Enzo rotates around his desk, letting his fingers drag across the hardwood of it. It was Oak, Enzo had told him once, Fine strong wood that stood imposing in the bright room. The windows of the space letting more air it, but it does little to quench how stagnate it all feels. Maranello never felt alive in that way, always a little too still for Gilles's liking, too solid.

"Would you like a drink?" Enzo asks, not waiting for a response before pouring them both a glass. Gilles accepts it quickly as they both take their seats.

"I bet you are wondering why I have called you here."

"Its about Renault, no? We have some solid plans down on how to start. Didier has been setting up surveillance for the five marks we have on the list and—"

Enzo waves gently, cutting off Gilles's report.

"No no— I know all that. It is not what I asked you here for."

Gilles leans in slightly, a curious tilt to his head— silently asking him to continue as Gilles wraps his hands around the glass, savoring the cool touch of it.

Enzo hums slightly, leaning back to look him over. It makes Gilles feel almost like prize cattle, the appraising look Enzo gives as he sizes him up. He can't tell if the sweat on the back of his neck is from nerves or from the still sweltering heat and stillness of the room.

"Gilles, you have done so well for us. You have pushed through so many set backs and have continued to prove yourself to Ferrari. This take down of Renault has been excellent, especially considering the exterior factors—"

Gilles tries to not let his confusion show on his brow at those words. He learned long ago that Ferrari is not something to be argued with or questioned.

"—all that is to say, you have proved yourself an asset to this organization. And, to be frank, I'm much to old to be able to keep up with this game much longer."

This is what he had been waiting for. Waiting years and years and years for.

The dream of it, of being able to run this great and powerful beast. To take the prancing horse by the reins and guide it forward.

He would never say it, but he thought the organization as a whole was too slow, too covetous. Maybe he was a bit over zealous, maybe he raised the stakes too often, but he could picture the day when he finally got it. That jackpot he'd dreamed of. Untouchable.

He breathes in all the ideas bubbling in his chest, and focuses forward on Enzo.

"Alright."

Enzo smiles, wide and almost menacing. Gilles always wondered if he were to open his mouth he'd see an extra row of sharks teeth tucked behind his molars.

"You think you can handle the responsibility?"

"I know I can"

"Even when those closest to you turn? Can you live with that inevitability?"

"Yes" Gilles replies easily, though the thought passes through his brain. There were none closer to him than Didier, and Didier would never leave him, never leave Ferrari. The thought passes as quickly as it comes.

Enzo looks at him for a long moment, something contemplative in a strange way Gilles could never decipher. Something that makes those last words hum like a whisper through him that he staunchly pushes down.

After what feels like an eternity, he nods slightly and stands, fingers tapping along the glass of his drink as he meanders over to his papers, waving Gilles out.

"Go on. You have work to do."

And he does. So much work to do.

He can't wait to tell his husband.

Didier is in a state of deep focus when Gilles arrives to the motel they are staying at.

His hair shines in the overhead light in an almost angelic halo as he chews on the end of his pen, barely noticing Gilles's arrival as he jots down some notes.

Gilles takes the opportunity to sneak up on him, coming right behind him and grabbing him in a tight hug.

Didier jumps at it some, but settles once he realizes who it is.

"Gilles! you scared me!" He says as he slams his notebook closed, a bit of an odd action. Gilles thinks its just Enzo's warning getting to him slightly, so he shakes it off.

"Did your meeting go well?" He asks. Gilles doesn't respond in words. He just silently kisses the nape of Didier's neck as he continues to hold him. nestling in to him some.

Didier smiles at it, letting him have his moment before turning to break the embrace.

"I have good information on a place we can find one of our marks tonight. A small club just outside of town. If we get lucky we can knock off two of them in one go." He says, shuffling through his documents for a moment.

"Go rest, Cheri. You'll need your strength for tonight." Gilles pouts slightly as Didier says it, silently taking his hand.

"Come with me?" Didier rolls his eyes but picks up his notes and follows.

easy as it always was between them.

a few hours of rest for Gilles while Didier stays up studying.

Gilles tries to not think about how Didier only opens his notebook once he seems convinced Gilles has gone to bed.

He blames Enzo's words for the small nervousness that creeps in him, the faint suspicion. Its nothing he's sure, absolutely nothing. Didier would have no reason to hide anything from him— but the curiosity still lingers.

He'll figure it out later. When he gets a chance— one small peak couldn't hurt right?

A few hours later, long after the sun has set, Didier shakes him awake. Gilles grumbles on instinct at being awoken, letting out a particularly loud sigh when his eyes drop to the clock on the side of the bed.

Two in the morning was a time only befitting criminals and ne'er-do-wells. Unfortunately tonight, they fit into that category.

He is quick to get dressed, changing into something dark and easy to move in, listening to Didier ramble off his plans and thoughts as he goes.

"According to the girls i met, he has a tendency to go out the back door and have a smoke. its a clear alley way, plenty of area to hide out. if our luck lasts, he should be doing so with one of the smaller bosses tonight as well." Didier rambles off.

Gilles thinks he looks most beautiful when he is focused like this.

"How much would it squeeze our time line, taking out two rather than one?" Gilles asks as he inspects his weapon for a moment before tucking it into the holster on his belt.

"Not much. taking out two means less people to warn the other three," Didier says calm as he checks himself over, tucking the knife Gilles gifted him into the top of his boot. It would likely be useless in a fight like the one they are entering, but it warms Gilles some to see him hold on to the thing.

They step out quickly, Gilles following Didier as they step into their vehicle, a silent type of ease in their steadfast plan.

In and out, like ghosts. Gilles rests in the simple efficiency of it. focusing as they arrive and stake out the location, trying to not let his mind be polluted with other thoughts.

Thoughts of that notebook Didier was hiding from him, thoughts of Enzo's warnings of betrayal.

The thoughts slip from him as Didier nudges him slightly. The two men are stepping out of the back entrance, their figures just barely illuminated by the glow of the lighter between them.

Steady hands find the handle of his weapon as he aims, Didier standing beside him as he does the same.

The men are close, a soft type of small intimacy in the moment as they pay no attention to the outside forces around them and enjoy a last moment of human connection—

They both shoot.

Gilles strikes the heart of his mark, Didier doesn't get as clean— a shot to the lung still as fatal but a bit slower.

The lighter extinguishes as it hits the ground between them, and they two of them are gone long before anyone can step out to find the mess they left.

Ghosts as the lot of five becomes three.

"Tomorrow afternoon I think we can pick off the other two. One of them has been spotted to be a regular at some coffee shop in town— the other is harder to pin down. Then its just the big boss left." Didier says, yawning slightly as they pull into their hotel room. Gilles smiles softly as he puts his gun up, pulling Didier's jacket off of him.

"Go rest my love. I can take out the First one in the morning while you hunt down number four." He says.

Didier blinks a soft thankful smile as he slumps into the bed, his hair spilling around him as he goes, gold like the ring on his finger. comfortable and quietly domestic as Gilles sits next to him.

"Good night." He mumbles as his eyes slip closed.

Gilles watches him for a long moment, enjoying the soft silence until Didier's breathing settles out. Then his thoughts drift again.

To Ferrari, to the day ahead, to the notebook, to Enzo's words. Too many spiraling thoughts to even grasp as he chooses to stay up, leaning against Didier just to listen to the comforting rhythm of his heartbeat for a moment more.

He stays there in that quiet moment until the sun starts to just barely fill the room. Pressing a small kiss to Didier's sleeping cheek as he extracts himself from the bed.

He grabs his gun, and with one quiet moment at the doorway to look at Didier, still sleeping so peacefully, he steps out.

There is work to be done. So much work to be done.

Didier isn't used to waking up alone.

Its a small thing in the scope of it all, but it raises a quiet confusion in the early hours as he sits up to find the other side of the bed cold.

It takes longer than it should for him to remember the plan from last night.

Gilles going out to take out their early bird mark so Didier can sleep.

It brings a small smile to his face as he wakes up a little more, spending some time reviewing his notes.

Part of it is actual planning for the task at hand, reviewing old notes for the Renault boss Didier is hunting down. This is one Alain knew little about and Didier little as well, but Niki had picked up something. Just a few notes enough to give him some leads.

He had spent the time Gilles was meeting with Enzo to plant some seeds, hoping that soon enough some information would be passed to him.

In the mean time while waiting on a call from the connections he had made, Didier works more on his syndicate plans.

They had stashed away a lot with the casino operation, all of it flowing through Ferrari channels at the moment. It would be easy enough to divert some of it to his plans without Ferrari noticing.

Combine that with the new territory up for grabs in the wake of Renault's downfall, it should be easy enough to fold a few of the bars into their scheme.

Didier sits at the throne of a thousand small threads, testing each of them slightly to see which have slack to give up, and which are too taut to pull without breaking. Such a delicate conductor as he weaves them together into something almost real.

His planning is interrupted by the phone ringing.

It's one of his seeds, a young waitress he had been talking the other day under the guise of being a reporter. She had been so nice, so easy to pull onto his side as he spun a tale of the man he was looking for.

"Hi. You said to call if I saw the guy you described." She says, voice calm over the din of the kitchen behind her.

"Oh yes! Did you see him?" He asks as the door opens behind him. He waves softly to Gilles as he trudges in, looking a bit rumpled but smiling.

"He's in my restaurant right now. He seems… nervous in a way." She says idly. It's just enough information for Didier.

"Thank you! Truly." He says, smiling to Gilles as he hangs up the phone, scrambling to get his weapon.

"You get a good lead?" Gilles asks with a small laugh as he settles on to the end of the bed, pulling off his shoes and stretching out some. Didier hears his back pop loudly as he does.

"Better, I got a location." Didier says as he quickly tucks his gun into his waistband, pausing slightly to give Gilles a once over as he grumbles.

"What happened to you?" He laughs slightly as Gilles flops back onto the bed.

"He took forever in the coffee shop. I was waiting for him to leave for an hour and a half." He grumbles. Didier smiles at his grumpy demeanor, stepping over to press a kiss to his forehead.

"I won't be long. Meet me in the park in an hour. I think our time line is shortening up so we should get to the big boss as soon as possible." He says as he steps to the door.

Gilles just gives a soft sound between a hum and a grunt in response as he waves Didier out.

Quick as anything, so eager at the information of the task. Didier leaves, not even thinking to tuck his notebook away before he sets off.

It glares at Gilles from where it sits on the table, a small pull of curiosity. He tries to not think of Enzo's words, says it's nothing more than innocent curiosity.

He shouldn't, he knows he shouldn't. But his fingers itch when he looks at it across the room.

He stands quietly, thinking to himself.

What is an innocent peak? What would Didier ever have to hide from him?

What harm could it do?

Silently, with slight trembling fingers, he opens the notebook—

It's a beautiful day in Imola. The perfect type of day, sun low in the sky as the afternoon shifts to evening. Birds singing their dusk requiems high in the trees.

Didier waits on a bench there, sun warm on his face as the soft breeze rustles his hair, eyes closed in the simple serenity of it.

The sound of footsteps approaching breaks him from it. He opens his eyes to see Gilles, head low. His demeanor is strange, but Didier pays it little mind, just standing to great him with a soft smile.

It falls immediately as Gilles gets close enough for Didier to look at him properly.

The look on his face is thunderous, a thousand emotions locked behind his eyes as he looks up to him. Rage and sadness and confusion and betrayal all glaring at him shattering the quiet like a boom of thunder.

"What the fuck is this." Gilles spits out, words barely making it through gritted teeth as he holds up a notebook.

Didier's notebook. The collection of all his planning of how to escape this mess.

Didier chokes down a breath at the sight of it. Something bubbling in his throat as he looks at it, clinched tight in Gilles's shaking hands.

"Gilles—"

"No. Don't— What the hell is this? What are you even thinking here? Leaving Ferrari— why would you ever—" His breathing is hard as he tries to get through the sentence, his voice rising in volume enough that Didier shrinks back slightly. Crossing his arms as he hunches forward a bit, each word landing like stones and rippling out, disturbing the stillness.

"You must know— Gilles you have to understand—" Didier starts, a waring element of his conscious reaching out to Gilles, his husband, wanting to pull him closer— to make him understand.

Gilles flinches away as Didier reaches out to him. It lands like a blow to the gut.

"Ferrari has been nothing but good to us. And you— you plan to betray it like this?"

Nothing but good to us.

It lights a fire somewhere deep in Didier's stomach, an anger to deep to name.

"It's been good to you! Don't you understand! Or have you been to blind to see how that organization— how Enzo— treats me? Like I'm disposable. Like I'm nothing?" He bites out, louder than he should.

Gilles laughs loudly at the outburst, a single heavy sound, rolling his eyes slightly.

"Enzo said I should be wary of betrayals. I just never expected it to come from you— that you would be so weak, so cowardly to plan this behind my back." He says, a sharp whisper cutting through the space between them.

"I am not weak." His voice comes back thick with emotion, his vision blurred with the tears starting to well in them at the words. "I am not a fucking Coward, Gilles."

Gilles doesn't seem to listen to a word of it though as he looks away.

"I just— to think you loved me all this time, with this betrayal just under my notice." He scoffs.

"I do. I do love you. I just—" Didier inhales a large shaking breath. "—I can't love Ferrari like I love you."

"I am Ferrari." Gilles yells out, his face red at Didier's admission, anger welling up in his entire body. "What can you mean to love me but not it?"

Something in that moment shatters something in him. In Gilles's anger directed at him so severely.

He can't even think of words to say in response as Gilles breathes heavily, looking to him, staring at him in disgust and disbelief.

It feels like that moment of silence holds forever.

"Fuck this." Gilles says suddenly, fingers going up to unclasp his necklace. Didier can't do anything but watch as he pulls the ring from it, holding it for just a moment.

"I really thought this meant something." He says, voice so quiet before he moves violently, throwing the ring into the dirt.

In the brief moment of the action, the world suddenly splits.

There is something strange about a moment that changes a life forever, something that can be pinned as the exact moment in which two things are defined, a Before and an After.

With the ring slamming into the dirt, Gilles has pushed them both into the After.

There aren't anymore words to speak, the motion drawing all the air from between them.

Didier's mouth opens, then closes, then opens again as he tries and fails to speak. Before all the words he wants to say fall dead at the wall of Gilles's anger and he can do nothing more than straighten up and walk away.

He doesn't look back, he keeps his eyes firmly forward has he walks on trembling legs, just stable enough to guide him forward through tear-filled eyes as he walks.

He doesn't look back, he doesn't stop, he just walks out of what once was their life together, easy as he had stumbled into it on that beautiful perfect day just like this one.

Gilles doesn't chase after him, he just stands— shaking in his rage until Didier is gone from his vision.

It's then, in that moment of him disappearing, that a thought settles in him.

For the first time— Didier isn't around to follow him.

The magnitude of it shakes him to his knees, a violent fracture as all the anger washes away and leaves the cold misery of betrayal.

Didier is gone. He hadn't looked back. He doesn't see how Gilles collapses with it.

He doesn't see how after a long shuttering sob, Gilles uses the last of the dying light to search for his wedding ring buried in the tall grass.

How he restrings it on to the chain as the darkness swallows him whole

Gilles catches the next plane he is physically able to.

Long forgot is the goal of the mission with everything that has occurred. He couldn't bring himself to care in the slightest at the remaining Renault boss still wandering around.

Truthfully, Gilles can't bring himself to care about anything past the cold gnawing pit in his stomach.

He hadn't even thought to fear this idea. To fear losing Didier.

They were something so special, something he thought unbreakable, something he thought would be forever.

He had been so excited for their future together—their future at Ferrari.

Now he doesn't even have the wherewithal to process it—to process anything but the deep weight in his guts.

Didier never loved Ferrari. he never truly had. How could Gilles be so blind to it?

He does well to push back his tears until he lands in Nice, holds them back until he gets in a rented car and starts the drive home. Holds them until he crests over the ridge of the city and he realizes he doesn't know where he's going.

The apartment used to be his, long ago it was his, but now it was something shared. Not his home as much as it was his and Didier's home.

He knows well that the moment he stepped through the doors of that space he would feel like a stranger again.

For the first time since he had met Didier, the weight of the loneliness that had followed him for so many long years washes in with the force of a title wave.

He grips the wheel of the car as he turns away from the direction of their apartment and he goes somewhere else. Goes somewhere neutral.

Alain looks surprised when Gilles knocks on his door.

"Gilles! I thought you would still be in Imo—" The sentence is cut off as he pushes into the space, Its too forceful he knows but its difficult to contain himself in the moment as tears pour heavy from his eyes.

Alain picks up on it quickly, its hard not too. A deep worry settling on his face.

"Gilles— what happened?" He asks as he gently guides him down to the couch, offering a small touch of comfort. The questions left unsaid sit heavy in the middle of his brow as it furrows to look at him.

"He— I— " Gilles chokes on the words, worry settling heavier on Alain's brow before he heaves in a shuttering gasp.

"I'll never speak to him again. I swear to you Alain, I will never speak to that man again." Gilles spits between heaving breaths. Alain's brow wrinkles further as Gilles cries, hunching in on himself as he sits on the couch, full of anguish like nothing Alain has ever seen.

He has more questions, so many more questions, but he holds them for now. Gilles is in no state to answer them. Instead he stands quietly and quickly offers Gilles a glass of water.

Its late, far to late in the evening. Gilles having had all the energy rung out of him with every ounce of care as well.

Alain doesn't get the chance to ask his questions, by the time the morning comes— Gilles is gone.

Gilles takes off early, wandering around. he stops by the apartment briefly enough to pack tome things, tries to not linger in the space.

Everything in it is just an homage to the life they had built together. The life now thrown away.

His eyes catch on nothing as he stares at the floor, stuffing clothes into a small rucksack as he tries to pick up enough of himself to start life new.

His eyes catch on nothing, except for the book pressed open on the nightstand. The epic of Gilgamesh. Didier had been reading it, slowly but surely, telling him of the epic tale, highlighting parts of it that stood out to him with that pristine and calm focus he always held.

He morns the softness of that, the idle way he was able to see him focused but soft. He stands for a moment too long as he looks to the page, eyes blurring slightly with more tears as he looks to the lines.

For being human holds a special grief of privacy within the universe

That yearns and waits to be retouched by someone who can take away the memory of death.

What a kind of grief it was, that terrible human loneliness that echoes through him. The ricochet of the love he held plummeting out of him.

They could have had everything together, they could have had the world side by side. could have ruled it all. if not for that one unbridgeable gap between them. That greater love Gilles held above all else.

He had truly thought Didier held it too.

He quickly escapes that place, tearing his eyes from the novel that so transfixed him. he runs out, leaving behind the pictures and the soft memories of the life they once had, the life where Didier was his.

The fuse of anger burns bright and long, leaving an ash of misery in its wake.

Gilles stumbles along, thankful to the network he had built. He has an unlimited number of couches to crash on. He avoids all the regular spots— hunts for solitude. He fixes half the questioning glances with a glare that kills them dead in their tracks.

But more so than anything else, Gilles thinks—thinks long and hard of everything that had happened. Replays all of Didier's words in his mind like a small torturous opera just for him. and it burns inside him. Collapses and solidifies into something terrible and violent and rash.

He holds on to it regardless, just to have something to hold on too.

He doesn't seek Didier out when he returns to the city, he hears word through the grape vine that he is back, that he has all but locked himself in their apartment. No one asks what happened, its too fresh. Everyone seems the give Gilles wide breadth on it, like they can see the fuse still sparking in him.

They don't ask, but the looks linger from everyone. From Alain, from Niki and James, from Elio and Nigel— from everyone in this strange family they had built.

Maybe it's that grip on anger that does him in. Had he not gripped so tightly, calmer voices might have risen, might have prevented the inevitable.

He had heard once a fact about eagles.

That in their development as hunters they developed talons with a grip so strong they have to flex a muscle to release what they hold. A grip so strong not even death can pull those talons apart.

Maybe Ferrari had trained him well, developed him into the monster he now was, but in all their training of creating such a perfect weapon— they never really taught him how to flex that muscle; how to let go.

It's the late afternoon, he had stopped by Nigel's for a bit, just moving around in his restless. He wanted to hear Elio play, to let the calm peace of it rest in him.

He doesn't get to hear much though— he steps out once he sees Niki and Alain approaching through the windows.

It's a beautiful day, sun high in the sky and warm as a small breeze coasts through the alleyway. It's serene in a way that Gilles almost loathes.

A beautiful day in early May when he spots a man approaching him in the alley way.

Maybe if he had been in his right mind he would have noticed his demeanor, would have thrown his guard up some. Some things Didier took with him when he left, a lot of it being what remained of his good sense.

"You got a light mate?" The man asks, voice too steady. Gilles doesn't much notice— looking down to dig through his pockets.

If he had been paying more attention he might have noticed the Renault insignia on the inside of the man's coat, might have noticed how what he reached for was much larger than a pack of cigarettes.

It feels like the end should be more dramatic than this.

The gun is leveled at his chest and the shot goes off before he can even pull the lighter from his pocket.

There is something strange about a moment that changes a life forever, something that can be pinned as the exact moment in which two things are defined, a Before and an After.

And in the slow moment of After, as his body starts to fall and breath is pushed from his lungs, he thinks of a million things at once, but none more so than how stupid it all is.

The stupidity of anger, of a grasp that cannot unclench.

He feels nothing as he hits the ground.

Feels nothing as the assailant runs off, as the door to the back alley slams open. He feels nothing as Niki's face appears in his field of view as the taste of iron coats his tongue.

He feels nothing but the dark sinking abyss of regret as another familiar face swims into his blurring vision. It's not the face he wants to see. Its Alain, the poor kid Didier had convinced him to take in.

Till death did they part— that had been the deal. That they would be beside each other.

He thinks of the last conversation he had with him, when he swore to Alain that he would never speak to Didier again—

He hadn't meant for it to be true— he hadn't.

Against all that anger, he hadn't meant it. surely the powers that be should have known that— should know that despite all his sins, he still meant his promises to keep Didier by his side.

Till death do us part.

But as Gilles chokes on his own breath its only Niki and Alain in his field of view. Maybe its his penance for his anger, for his rashness.

How terribly cruel.

The music has gone quite, Elio has stopped his playing, the world goes quiet in all its eclectic glory. Maybe it had been since since the darkness of his anger rang out like war bells at the drop of the ring.

It's of no hope, none at all, he knows it from the way he chokes on it.

So with the last of his strength, thinking not of Ferrari or of Renault or of anger— in thinking just of Didier, and that bright small smile of his— Gilles flexes the muscle, weak with disuse, and he lets go.

A bloodied hand raises from his chest, grabs Alain and pulls him down to hear him. Gilles is glad the vision is going before all else; he might not be able to make it out if he is able to see them.

"Alain please. Please I need you to do something." Gilles's voice is weak, wet with blood. He doesn't see Alain nod but he feels as he is moved some, pulled into his lap.

It feels so gentle— Gilles doesn't feel like he deserves gentle.

It takes all his strength, maybe even a strength beyond him— but Gilles reaches up to his ring, pulling the chain with a sharp tug.

He presses it in to Alain's hand and doesn't wait for him to speak.

"Give it to him. Please. Tell him I'm sorry. Tell him I forgive him." He begs, the light is getting long now, he can hardly has enough air to press out the last words. In last breaths— Gilles tries to make amends.

"Tell him there is nothing to forgive."

It's the last of his strength, his very last wish. He isn't able to hold on any longer to hear Alain attempt to respond. He doesn't hear Elio gasp as he exits the bar and comes across the scene. He doesn't see Niki's quiet resignation.

There is the monument of stupidity he finds himself in— Gilles feels nothing past a want for something he gave up.

And it's a perfect day, a perfectly beautiful day in early May. The sun is shining on the streets of the town, a cool sea breeze blowing through the alleyways. A whole city unaware of the tragedy that has occurred just outside.

It's a perfect day in early May and Gilles Villeneuve is dead.