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Nancy hated Hawkins. After her college plans had to be delayed because of the quarantine, she had been absolutely dying to get out. There was too much baggage and trauma with that town. Yet here she was, back in Hawkins for her brother and his friend’s high school graduation. And, well, she hated Hawkins, hated the suffocating small-town feel, but she didn’t hate the people. Not all of them.
After defeating Vecna and destroying the Upside Down, Nancy left for Emerson, joining for the spring semester. She came home that summer, after her first semester, not nearly established enough in her new city quite yet. She had come home again for Christmas, and now, for graduation. Though this time, she was only around for a week and a half. Since dropping out of college after barely over a year, she had stayed in Boston, and slowly but surely, was finding her footing.
She’d had quite a few… personal revelations over the past 18 months. Nancy had been honest with Jonathan when she’d said she needed to figure out who she was. Though what she’d discovered was maybe ever so slightly surprising.
During that summer when Nancy was home, she had spent a lot of time with Robin. Though over the past 3 years, she had spent a lot of time with Robin. Robin was the closest thing Nancy had to a best friend, really. Nancy spent more time at the Buckley house than her own, and the two girls would sit on the roof and talk for hours. It was that summer, on a clear and starry night, that Robin confided in Nancy about being a lesbian.
“Nance… I like girls,” Robin had whispered.
Nancy hadn’t known how to react. When Will came out, there were enough other people, and enough going on, that she didn’t have to think about the true implications of it. But this was Robin. Robin, with her bright smile, contagious laughter, and gorgeous blue eyes, and Robin liked girls.
“Nancy, please say something?” Robin said sadly.
At that moment, Nancy forced herself to put aside her own personal thoughts and feelings in order to support Robin. Though for the next year, she thought about that night every single day.
“Thank you for telling me,” Nancy said softly. “You’re my best friend, Robin, and this doesn’t change that. You’re an incredible person, and someday you will make some girl very lucky.” Nancy ignored the pounding of her heart and the tightening of her throat as she finished her sentence.
Then, Nancy hugged Robin, and Robin collapsed into her. They sat there for a long while, Nancy’s fingers slowly massaging Robin’s scalp, her head curled into Nancy’s chest.
The knowledge that Robin was a lesbian didn’t change anything. At least, not on the surface, not right away. But things were changing for Nancy. Hawkins, the conservative, small town, was once again beginning to make her twitchy. Her chest felt tight, like something was squeezing at her heart. Robin sometimes felt like the only relief from an otherwise stifling environment. And now, Nancy began noticing things about Robin.
She had always loved the sound of Robin’s voice. She was so smart, and Nancy could listen to her talk for hours. Back when she had been on the radio, Nancy tuned in to every single show. When they were away at school, Nancy and Robin would call regularly, and sometimes, Nancy would ask Robin to tell her a story, just so she could listen to her voice.
Nancy noticed the way Robin talked with her hands. It had always just been a random thing about her, but now it stuck out as something so distinctly Robin, and for whatever reason, Nancy started to think it was cute.
Little details became more important, like the fact that Robin loved Skittles and hated bananas and cut her own hair and smelled like vanilla. Nancy began memorizing her favorite songs, watching her favorite movies, and buying her favorite snacks just to see her smile. Everything was just Robin, Robin, Robin.
Nancy should have realized sooner that Robin was dating Vickie. When the redhead joined them to help defeat Vecna, Nancy had chosen not to question it, just like she hadn’t questioned El having a sister, or Will being gay, or really anything beyond the basic plan. (She had, however, remembered Robin’s devastated face when Nancy volunteered herself as monster bait, and the crushing hug the girl gave her when they made it back safely.)
As it was, though, Nancy only learned about Vickie and Robin’s relationship after they broke up.
“It’s kind of for the better,” Robin had said, the two of them flopped down side by side on Nancy’s bed. “She hated how much time I’ve been spending with you this summer. Though I think I’ve spent more time with you than her since I’ve been back. But that’s because she can be kind of… overbearing. She was freaked about the Vecna stuff, and distance was hard, and she just didn’t really get it.”
“But why didn’t you tell me before?” Nancy questioned. “That you had been seeing her, I mean.”
Robin refused to meet Nancy’s gaze. “I guess I knew it was coming to an end anyway. It didn’t seem serious enough,” she muttered.
Nancy had bitten her lip and changed the subject. Though later, she thought about Robin kissing Vickie, and cried into her pillow.
The pieces were coming together. Nancy was falling hard and falling fast. She did her best not to think about it. Because her mother would never approve, because she couldn’t ruin her friendship with Robin, because she was supposed to have loved Jonathan, because her relationship with Barb might need to be fully reexamined, because it just wasn’t who she was supposed to be.
Before Nancy knew it, the summer slipped away, and she was back in Boston. In Boston, she began to explore. She learned new things, met new people, and branched out, growing in a way she’d never been able to in Hawkins. But still, when Nancy sat in class and raised her hand and did the good-girl school routine, she felt that squeezing in her chest again. It was better in the city, but maybe Nancy would never really escape it.
Nancy began writing more than ever before, as an outlet of sorts. She wrote articles for the school magazine, got an internship with a local paper, and even branched into poetry, just for fun. Late at night, she wrote about golden brown hair and long gangly limbs, and freckles like constellations. There was no more denying it. Nancy was in love with Robin Buckley. And with this revelation, the thing coiling around her heart began to loosen, ever so slightly.
They saw each other again over winter break, and Nancy wondered how she had never realized it sooner. When Robin smiled at her, Nancy lit up inside, and really, it was stupid just how smitten she was.
The Byers family hosted a holiday party that year, and Nancy and Robin spent the vast majority of it glued to each other’s side. Late in the evening, after Nancy had talked to everyone and reflected on the last year of their (happily more normal) lives, she found herself practically draped over Robin on the couch, both of them having drunk their fair share of champagne and spiked punch.
“Have I mentioned that you’re absolutely gorgeous?” Nancy whispered, winding her arms around Robin’s neck.
“Oh, please, says you, Wheeler,” Robin teased. Her arms were around Nancy’s waist, holding her in place, sideways across her lap.
“No, really, you are. Do you have another secret girlfriend up at Smith? I’m sure everyone is all over you.”
Robin smiled sadly. “You flatter me, Nancy. But no, it’s not like that.”
Nancy’s memories of that night were admittedly fuzzy, but she knew they had been interrupted by Steve only moments later. She also spent the rest of the break finding excuses to spend all of her time with Robin, which simultaneously made her happier than ever, and hurt her heart. Because she and Robin just couldn't happen.
One day in early March, Robin called Nancy in a panic. Nancy stayed on the phone with her, trying everything, before Robin finally said, “I just need you, Nancy,” in the smallest, saddest voice.
Without another thought, Nancy wrote down the address and hung up the phone with a promise to be there in 2 hours. An hour and a half later, Robin was in her arms.
They talked for hours, Robin cried, and Nancy held her and wiped her tears, and the two of them curled up together in Robin’s bed.
“Will you stay the night?” Robin asked shyly. “It’s too late for you to drive back now.”
“Of course I’ll stay,” Nancy answered without a second of hesitation.
That night, Robin’s roommate was conveniently staying at a friend’s dorm. Even so, Nancy and Robin cuddled in her twin bed, Nancy wearing borrowed pajamas.
“Thank you for coming all the way here,” Robin whispered through the dark. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“Robin, I will always be there if you need me,” Nancy whispered back. “You mean the world to me.”
“You’re incredible, Nancy Wheeler.”
Nancy could see Robin’s eyes shining and her soft, happy smile in the dark room. Their faces were close, almost too close. She could feel Robin’s breath when she spoke. Robin was right there, it wouldn’t take much for her to…
She did it. Nancy leaned in, closed the gap, and kissed Robin.
At first, Robin froze, and then slowly, surely, she kissed her back. The kiss was short, but tender. Nancy pulled away far too soon.
For a few seconds, they lay there in heavy silence, and then, Nancy adjusted and buried her head down into the space between Robin’s neck and shoulder.
“Nance…” Robin said slowly, questioning.
Nancy whimpered and shook her head, burrowing further into Robin. She couldn’t have this conversation right now. Maybe she shouldn’t have done that. Maybe she wasn’t ready. Maybe she had ruined everything. The thing in her chest was squeezing again. Tighter. This was wrong. It felt right, Robin was right, but Nancy, Nancy was wrong.
“Hey, it’s ok,” Robin said softly, her hands coming up to gently stroke Nancy’s head.
Nancy’s mind was running a mile a minute, but Robin was soothing her and keeping her grounded, and eventually, they both fell asleep.
They didn’t talk about the kiss in the morning. Nancy could sense that Robin wanted to, but she deliberately avoided it, turning down Robin’s invitation of breakfast in the dining hall, despite how badly she wanted to stay. There were some things she needed to do first, and she only hoped Robin would understand.
Nancy dropped out of college a week later. She had spent her entire life trying to be the girl she was supposed to be, the girl her parents raised her to be. But Nancy was sick and tired of trying to live up to the expectations of others, knowing they’d never be satisfied.
She needed to find her own way, and Emerson wasn’t helping her do that. It was the dream of a different girl, a girl who only wanted to make her parents proud. Nancy was able to land a trainee job at a local paper, which would give her more freedom and allow her to stay in Boston. Because even if Emerson wasn’t quite right, the city sure was. Besides, what better way to learn than to jump in headfirst? She’d be forced to sink or swim, and, well, Nancy knew enough about herself to know she’d be alright.
In celebration, Nancy allowed herself to buy a few new professional outfits. She’d never minded dresses, she’d gotten used to the girly stuff, but maybe it was time to try something new. The haircut was an impulse decision, but she loved it. It was symbolic, maybe. A fresh start, a new Nancy.
This was the push she’d been needing. Finally, the tight knot in her chest began to loosen and then, slowly, unravel. After a few months, she felt new, better. And then she went back to Hawkins. To Robin.
Which brought her to the rooftop with Steve, Jonathan, and Robin. She hadn’t seen her in over 3 months. They had spoken, just a few times over the phone, though they both knew that a bigger conversation would need to be had. Right now, however, they were catching up and teasing Steve about his new job as a health teacher.
Nancy still couldn’t take her eyes off Robin. Her hair had gotten so long, and she looked good. She wore overalls and chunky silver jewelry, and god, as much as she was enjoying being with everyone, she just wanted to talk to Robin. She wanted to kiss her and get it right this time.
But then Robin was turning to her. “What about you, Nance? How’re the babes at Emerson?” she said lightheartedly, almost like she was teasing, almost like she was flirting.
There was no hurt there. Nothing that said ‘you kissed me and then left me, and we never talked about it.’ And she said babes, as in, girls, as in, Nancy admitting to liking girls. But also, she said Emerson. That part, at least, Nancy needed to be honest with all of them about.
“Oh, umm, I wouldn’t know,” Nancy said cautiously. “I dropped out.”
“No way! What?” Steve exclaimed.
Jonathan leaned forward, and Robin’s eyebrows shot up.
Nancy explained, hoping it would satisfy them for now, though again, she really wanted to talk to Robin.
But when she looked at Robin, the other girl was smiling. She looked proud, proud of Nancy.
“Nancy Wheeler. Still full of surprises,” she said affectionately.
Nancy couldn’t quite fight back her smile.
After a long while, they all began to leave. Though when Nancy reached out and grabbed Robin’s wrist, signaling her to stay back, Robin turned to her, as if she had been expecting this.
“You two go ahead,” Robin called out to Jonathan and Steve, who shot her a thumbs-up.
She went and sat back down, and Nancy sat beside her, scooting her chair so they were closer together.
For a long moment, they sat in silence. Robin was the first to speak. “You look really good, Nance,” she said.
Nancy blushed. “So do you,” she said truthfully.
“No, but like, you look hot,” Robin teased.
Nancy laughed and shoved her playfully. “I guess you like the haircut?”
“Um, yes, absolutely, I love the haircut. Like I really, really love the haircut.”
“Thanks,” Nancy said shyly. “My mom was not a fan.”
Robin’s smile dropped, just a bit. “Does she know?”
“What?” Nancy scoffed. “That I dropped out of college? Or that I’m a lesbian?”
Robin’s eyes widened. “You are?”
“I mean, it sorta seemed like you knew. I mean, I did-”
“Kiss me? Yeah, that did tip me off a little. But I wasn’t sure if you were, like, all the way there yet,” Robin said quickly, gesturing a little.
Nancy couldn’t help it, she still found it cute. “I wasn’t at first,” she explained. “Not for a while, actually. And even after I figured it out, that didn’t mean I accepted it, you know?”
“Yeah, I do know,” Robin said, putting her hand on top of Nancy's.
Nancy smiled at her. “I’m sorry I left that day. Instead of talking to you about it. And then I know I was distant. I had a lot to figure out, but I am sorry for what I put you through in the process.”
“I mean, it did suck, but I get it,” Robin said kindly. “You seemed… freaked out, after. And I wish you would’ve talked to me about it, but I understand why you didn’t. I assumed you’d need time, and I knew I’d see you here for graduation. And I figured you couldn’t exactly avoid me, so if I needed to give you space for a few months to let you figure it out, it was worth it. Besides, I’ve been in love with you for years, so 3 months is nothing. And when you showed up here looking like that, well, I figured maybe I did stand a chance after all.”
“Wait, back up. You’re in love with me?”
It was Robin’s turn to blush, but in the dim light, Nancy could barely see it. “I mean, yeah. I guess I thought you knew.”
Nancy shook her head. “How long?” she asked softly.
“Pretty much ever since that day at the library. You figured out that Victor Creel stuff, and I realized you were a genius, and that was it,” Robin said with a small laugh, though it sounded sad.
“I didn’t realize until last summer. Or a little bit after, really. Though looking back, the feelings have probably been there for longer. I was so upset when I found out you had been with Vickie, even though you were broken up at that point,” Nancy explained.
“Vickie was… I thought you were straight, Nancy. I didn’t think I’d ever have a chance. But nothing I felt for her ever came close to what I’ve felt for you.”
“I’m sorry again,” Nancy said quietly, looking at Robin.
“Why?”
“That it took me this long to get here. That it took me until now to tell you that I’m in love with you, too.”
Robin’s face burst into a surprised smile. “What?” she asked, grinning.
“I love you, Robin,” Nancy said with a smile.
“I love you, too, Nancy.”
They both leaned in, though they could barely even kiss; they were smiling too much. Instead, they both wound up sitting on the roof, all smiles and giggles, bumping noses and hugging.
Later that night, Nancy lay on Robin’s bare chest, pressing kisses to her jaw and collarbone, and pretty much anywhere she could reach.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, by the way,” Robin said sleepily.
“Hmm?”
“You had to figure things out in your own time, and that’s okay. You got there eventually.”
Nancy looked up at her, brow furrowed. “Don’t you wish we could’ve been together this whole time?”
Robin smiled and kissed her forehead. “I guess, but better late than never. We’re here now, and I’m grateful for it. And… I’d have waited for you, as long as you took.”
Nancy’s face softened, and she leaned up to kiss Robin, melting into her.
In a few more months, Nancy will look at Robin, asleep in her bed in her tiny apartment in Boston, where Robin visits most weekends, and she'll realize that tight feeling in her chest has been gone for a while now. Finally, her heart will be beating freely, to its own rhythm. She'll realize then that she made it. That they both did.