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It was supposed to be a normal picnic with his nephew and brother-in-law. It was meant to be completely fine. Sure, as much as Jiang Cheng was irked by Jin Zixuan, knowing he’d once made his Jiejie cry, he did promise his sister to work on forming better bonds with her husband. So here he was, at a picnic in a park with that insufferable peacock and his son Jin Ling.
“Jiujiu, jiujiu.” A small child dressed in a yellow hoodie and khaki shorts tugged at his sleeve.
“What is it, brat?”
“Go on a walk with me jiujiu!”
“Now?”
“Baba is busy because someone is calling him, but I’m not allowed to go alone!” Jin Ling pouted, “Please, Jiujiu?”
Jiang Cheng sighed. He had to admit, Jin Ling was a cute kid, and he did enjoy the little kid’s company sometimes. He had his mother’s care towards family, and his father’s looks. “Fine, fine.” Jiang Cheng got off the picnic mat, texting Jin Zixuan a quick note before setting off with Jin Ling. “Where do you wanna go?”
“Everywhere!”
“That’s too many places, isn’t it, Jin Ling?”
“No it isn’t! Jiujiu is with me, so I can do it!”
Jiang Cheng puffed out a laugh. The boy’s naivety and stubbornness was endearing.
“Do you want to go by the lake first?”
“Yes!”
Jiang Cheng walked slowly as Jin Ling invented new ways to travel, because clearly he was above merely walking. In the span of six steps, Jin Ling had spun around, hopped and did a small cartwheel that sent him rolling sideways, barely leaving Jiang Cheng any time to catch the boy before he crashed into a lamppost.
“Jiujiu!”
“What.”
“Jiujiu, why does Da-jiu say that Baba is a weak peacock?”
Jiang Cheng held Jin Ling’s hand, “Well, a long time ago, when we were younger, your father once made your mother cry, and your dax-jiu didn’t like that, so he insults him like that. Don’t follow his example, your da-jiu is a little shi- sugary flute.”
Jin Ling nodded like he just received enlightenment. “But jiujiu,” he began, “Nie-shushu said that Baba was weak because he didn’t give birth to me, and had to rely on Mama to do that.”
Jiang Cheng promptly choked. Those two… he pinched the space between his eyes. “Don’t listen to them, ok? They’re mostly joking, it just may be hard for you to tell.”
“Ok, Jiujiu.”
They continued to walk on quietly, but it wasn’t long before Jin Ling broke the silence. “Jiujiu, why don’t you get married?”
“Because people suck, Jin Ling.”
“All people?”
“For me, anyway. It’s up to you whether you want to get married in the future. I don’t, though.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t experience the same type of love your mama and da-jiu experience. That’s just how it is.”
Jin Ling nodded. “It’s ok, Jiujiu. I still love you.”
“Thanks, Jin Ling.”
They finally reached the lake. Jin Ling gasped with excitement, “It’s so big!”
Jiang Cheng scoffed, “Jin Ling, we used to have a lake bigger than this back when your mama and da-jiu and I lived in Yunmeng. We would swim in it and pluck lotus seeds when the weather was hot.”
“That’s so cool!”
“Maybe the next time we visit your nainai, you can do it too.”
“Yayy!!”
Dang, Jiang Cheng thought. This parenting thing is easy! Kids are so easy to please, I’m doing amazing at this.
Something seemed to have caught Jin Ling’s eye. “Jiujiu, stay here! I wanna give you a surprise!”
“Oh really? A surprise?”
“Yea! Jiujiu likes animals, right? So it’ll be a nice surprise!”
“Sure!” What on earth was Jin Ling going to do?
Jin Ling turned Jiang Cheng to face the opposite direction before running off. “I won’t be far, jiujiu!” He called out.
It was barely 30 seconds before Jin Ling barreled straight into Jiang Cheng and hugged his legs. “Jiujiu! Guess what I have in my hand!”
Jin Ling unclasped his hands to reveal: a baby goose, chirping happily, and loudly. Very loudly.
“Jin Ling, where did- where did you get this?”
Jin Ling pointed towards the bushes, and he might have said “over there!” Unfortunately, whatever he said was drowned out by a very loud “HONK.” A massive white goose waddled out of the bushes, rearing its head.
Jiang Cheng felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach.
“Jin ling.”
“Yes, jiujiu?”
“You might wanna put that baby goose down. I think you just kidnapped it.”
Jin Ling obliged quickly.
“Jiujiu, what is that?”
“The mother goose.”
It was a wonderful day at the park, and there was a horrible goose.
“What’s wrong with it?” Jin Ling asked innocently.
“How do you think your mom would react if someone stole you?”
“Umm… with a knife?”
“Exactly.”
“The goose doesn’t have a knife though, so we’re fine, right?”
The goose flapped its wings, lowered its head and charged towards Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling. “No time to find out if it does!” Jiang Cheng yanked Jin Ling up from under his arms and began to sprint. “FUCK!”
Jiang Cheng was a fast runner. He knew that much, based on his races with Wei Wuxian, Lan Xichen and Nie Huaisang. He’d often come in second place, so he was quite certain he could outrun the goose.
He was beginning to also be quite certain he was wrong. The goose was right behind him whenever he turned around. Jin Ling was still in his arms, occasionally screaming “IT’S CATCHING UP, JIUJIU RUN FASTER I’M SCARED!!”
I’m not a fucking horse, Jiang Cheng would protest in his head, but there wasn’t much he could do. He didn’t want to die via Angry Goose either.
Sprinting to the nature stroll area in hopes of losing the goose, he ran into Jin Guangyao and his boyfriend.
“Ah, Wanyin! How are you?” Lan Xichen smiled at Jiang Cheng as his lover, decked out in a beanie with yellow trimmings, leaned against him.
Jin Ling turned around, “Jin shushu! Lan Bobo!”
“Hello, Jin Ling-” Jin Guangyao grinned at the small kid, reaching a hand out to pat Jin Ling before a loud HONK was heard. “What-”
“THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING GOOSE CHASING US, DO YOU WANT TO DIE? GO, GO , GO!”
In hindsight, the way Jin Guangyao’s face shifted from a pleasant, carefree smile to a look of fear so intense it was like he was being dragged into a coffin by some vengeful ghost was kind of comical. In hindsight. Jiang Cheng didn’t laugh at all as Lan Xichen grabbed Jin Guangyao the hand and began to sprint as well.
“Why is there a goose chasing us??!”
“I found its baby!”Jin Ling supplied helpfully.
“Why??!!”
“It was small and cute!”
“SHUT UP AND RUN!”
Three grownass men and one kid ran back to the picnic area, where Jin Zixuan was waiting with a scowl. Not too far off was Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji with their own picnic mat where Jin Guangyao and Lan Xichen were headed, but that wasn’t too important for now. Upon seeing Jiang Cheng, Jin Zixuan’s expression further darkened.
“Jiang Wanyin! What kind of “notice” is ‘Off with the kid, bye biatch’? Where were you even-”
He was rudely interrupted by a HONK.
“What- what is that-”
“Baba! It’s a goose!”
“It’s a what?”
Jiang Cheng moved out of the way to reveal a massive angry bird.
“What-”
“Baba! Fight it!”
“What??”
Jin Zixuan didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He left for five fucking minutes to take and urgent call, and his brother-in-law and son had managed to incur the wrath of what was basically an eldritch being in a bird’s form. At a loss at what to do, Jin Zixuan picked up the only thing near him, which was an empty picnic basket. Swinging it wildly about like a mace, he adopted a fighting stance against the goose.
“Back off!”
Jiang Cheng wisely retreated to where Wei Wuxian was.
“Cheng cheng! You didn’t tell me you were here at the park too! I’m on a date with my husband, aiyah!”
“Wei Wuxian, I nearly died back there so shut up.”
“Awwhh Jin Ling is here too! Hi Jin Ling!”
“Da-jiu! And Lan Yizhang!”
Lan Wangji acknowledged Jin Ling’s presence with a simple “Mn.”
“Sooo, what do you mean you nearly died back there? Is that why a-yao looks like our Zewu-jun just stabbed him through the chest?”
“Yes. There’s a goose.”
Wei Wuxian looked past Jiang Cheng and exclaimed excitedly, “Is the peacock throwing hands with it?”
Jiang Cheng turned around to confirm that was what he was seeing. “Oh…yea. Yea, I guess he is.”
Wei Wuxian grinned. “Oh, I’ve so got to video this. Husband, husband, lend me your phone!”
Lan Wangji wrapped an arm around Wei Wuxian’s waist and handed him an iphone 17 pro max. Wei Wuxian reclined backwards against Lan Wangji’s chest and began filming.
What was originally meant to be a courageous display of defence for his family by Jin Zixuan was turning into a one-sided beatdown. And the goose was the one winning.
“To be fair,” Wei Wuxian began, “I don’t think peacocks have very much fighting power.”
The goose honked twice and flapped its wings, taking flight and barreling right towards Jin Zixuan, who was currently on the ground. He made a last-ditch attempt of throwing the picnic basket at the goose and missing horribly before getting up and sprinting towards Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling. “Get to the car!”
Wei Wuxian piped up, “What about us?!”
“Tag along if you fucking want to, I guess!” Jiang Cheng snapped back.
And that’s more or less how 6 grown men and a child were herded into a single car by a very horrible goose.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jiang Yanli wasn’t that easily disturbed. Having grown up with Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian, she was sure nothing could phase her anymore, not since she’d walked in on Wei Wuxian attempting necromancy with Jiang Cheng taped to the wall, clearly failing an attempt to get Wei Wuxian to stop.
What she didn’t expect was to see 6 grown men and her son standing outside her door looking like they just fought a war.
“A-jie!! A-jie save us!”
“A-Xian? What happened?”
Jin Zixuan entered the house and sat down on a chair like Shinji. “A goose.”
“A…a goose?”
“A goose.”
Jin Ling ran up to his mother to hug her, “I kidnapped its baby!” He looked way too proud about that. Jiang Yanli sighed. “Well, there’s soup in the pot, so…and Jin Ling? Don’t do that again, it’s like if someone kidnapped you, I’d be running around attacking people too, trying to find you.”
“Ok!” Jin Ling nodded. Wei Wuxian sighed, “Ah, what a good kid, I bet he inherited that from me! One day this kid will find a fantastic husband for sure, since he takes after me the most!”
Jiang Cheng had nothing to say to that.
“Also! I have a video of jiejie’s husband being absolutely tossed by a goose, do you want it?”
“WEI WUXIAN!”