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It hurt.
Pain, at this point, was as familiar as the hollowness corroding his insides.
Although, in a strange turn of events, the familiarity of hunger was fading. Replaced by a weird bloated heaviness in his stomach that came with spikes of clarity. Ikeda didn't realize it was possible to not shiver and shake at all times of the day...
Guess he had Tei to thank for that.
…
… Tei.
Ikeda grimaced into his pillow, glaring at nothing as the pink man's face popped into his head. His pathetic, concerningly red eyes and his broken sobs falling to the floor between them like shards of broken glass.
Ikeda really fucked up this time. He knew he would eventually. He had spent the better part of two weeks needling and pushing just to see Tei's true colors.
But it never came.
Tei wasn't faking anything.
The moment in the calm room was… fuzzy. But the colors Ikeda saw in that moment weren't a sputtering illusion of deceit, instead they were choppy, bold brushstrokes that added depth and clarity to Tei's potrait.
And Ikeda, a complete god damn idiot, was comforted by it.
… Ikeda haf grown complacent and comfortable in Tei's presence. He should have realized that there was a breaking point beyond the endless fields of patience and grace.
And now, Tei hates him. Probably.
Tei should hate him.
Ikeda deserved it.
Thats why Ikeda cant trust him. He cant afford to. And yet. And yet...
Everything hurt.
The only one who knew how to make it better—the only one who cared enough to try—was Tei.
Fuck.
Fucking christ.
Tei was the only one who Ikeda could relax around.
Ikeda could go to him now, but whose to say that Tei would be willing to help? Whose to say that Tei won't take advantage of Ikeda's trust, and kill him when he was at his weakest and most vulnerable.
Ikeda… shouldn't trust Tei. He shouldn't. Who knows what Tei would do once Ikeda dared to show his face. He can't trust him after lighting the bridge under Tei's feet. It's a dog eat dog world.
An eye for an eye. Betrayal begets back-stabbing.
It's risky.
...
It… it hurts. It hurts so much.
Ikeda dragged his heavy body from his covers, an oppressive throb pulsed up his neck and behind his eyes.
His vision flashed and he nearly collapsed.
The hall has never felt so long.
Each step felt like blacking out. Each motion unleashing a swaying sensation through every limb, powerful enough that part of him worried he'd collapse. Each moment away from Tei felt like needles of resentment digging behind his eyes.
Tei...
It felt like an hour had passed before he was able to read the kanji making up Tei's name. Finally. His panting was ragged and shallow, shuddering as more parts of him ached and bruised. Finally...!
Knock. He should knock…
He...
He can't lift his arms...
"T-Tei..." He whimpered, a pathetic whining bubbling up his throat. He has to hold his arms close to him, the joints aching a cold bruising red. To pry a hand from his chest would be torturous. Fuck. "Tei...!" He tried again, his voice projecting and cracking.
He still cant move his arms.
Dizzy. He's dizzy. His head spun again and Ikeda was distinctly aware of the idea of falling.
If he fell, he probably would just stay there until morning, until someone found him and took pity. His eyes stung. Pride giving way to desperation.
Sucking in a jagged, agonized breath, he lifted his head to make sure this was Tei's room, but the Kanji was jumbled. His brain can't make sense of it. He's so... tired...
"T-Tei-!"
Vertigo hits him with a frigid wave of fatigue.
He falls forward. The ground doesnt rush up to meet him, but his head cracks against something hard and solid. He had to choke back a whimper, bracing himself against the surface as sharp stings spiderwebbed behind his eyes.
Over the sound of his rabbiting heart and the deep rumbling throb in his ears, he could vaguely make out the sound of someone's feet hitting the ground.
Frantic footsteps.
A metalic crinkle.
The click of the lock.
The surface he's leaning against shifts, and Ikeda struggled to reorient himself through the onslaught of coiling aches.
The door—he was leaned against the door—opened.
"Ikeda-?"
He's never been more relieved to hear that voice.
Tei looked at him, his eyes red and bleeding with tears that made Ikeda's stomach twist, burning with betrayal and pain
Ikeda didn't deserve that. Tei should have never gotten close enough to feel betrayed. Why did he let himself get close enough to burn?
Tei is frazzled, unsure, tense, and scared. He looks mad.
Suddenly Ikeda tensed. His bodt reminding him how easy it would be for Tei to get revenge, right here and now. His body moved for him, staggering backward, anticipating a sudden, sharp movement that would send him crashing to the floor.
Revenge doesn't come.
Instead, through the slog of heavy bruising throbs, Ikeda made out: "Tell me whats wrong."
"It... hurts..." he hissed through clenched teeth, flinching at the gentle hands holding him steady, "... Please... h-"
Ikeda doesn't even get the word help out before Tei dove for him. The following seconds are a blur.
He's whisked into the dim room, hugged to Tei's side (was it his decision, or Tei's? He didn't care either way) like a puzzle piece. His body so heavy that he gratefully slumps into Tei's side, and like a god damn saint, Tei readjusts and gives him that support.
Tei held him steady with a gentle hand barely touching his good shoulder and the other hand held in front of him, allowing Ikeda to clutch onto it as much as he could manage.
Tei
Its hard to think straight. Too many concepts and ideas and scripts twisting around itself.
A part of him wants nothing more than to submit to Tei's will. Another wants to bury itself into Tei's very existence, hoping to hide away from everything in the confines of Tei's ribcage. Several other parts are furious- with Tei, with Yokoi, with Ogura, with the Bleeding, and most of all, with himself.
Tei trembled slightly as he patiently waddled Ikeda toward the bed.
And with one simple command:
"Lay down. I got you, Ikeda."
Ikeda felt safe.
Ha. Funny.
He felt safe with the man who choked him, who hurt him, who betrayed him...
Who fed him, who gave up his bed, who soothed him to sleep more times than he can count...
Who Ikeda betrayed. Who sobbed over that betrayal. Who trusted ikeda so much for reasons Ikeda couldnt fathom...
… Ikeda didn't deserve this.
This wasnt how it was supposed to play out. No one on earth is supposed to have so much determination and patience to willingly stick by Ikeda's side, except for his father.
Everyone breaks after some point. Everyone leaves at some point. All Ikeda needed to do was put pressure until their mask cracked. Until they showed their true colors in their rage.
But Tei?
Despite cracking again and again and again, despite the long sharp edges slicing through Tei's pyche and body and mind… he's still Tei.
The colors he projected to the others were complementary to the colors he's shown Ikeda.
The violent, bolder shades he revealed in the calm room didnt clash with the pallete Ikeda came to associate with him. There was contrast, but it was harmonious. It was Tei.
Ikeda knew he was expensive, but the grounded stability Tei brought was as priceless and precious as life itself.
Why… does Tei cares so much? Why for him in particular. Out of everyone in the world, why does he give Ikeda so much?
Why is he so warm and kind?
Tei felt like sunshine warming his skin. Sun Ikeda has never once felt.
Ikeda's known the grueling burn of his tendons when he stretched after a long day of work, he knew the scalding touch of molten iron and weeping wounds, and he loathed the corrosive acidic touch of anyone who dared to put their hands on him
And then theres Tei.
His hands are calloused and rough. They're sweaty and clammy and twitching. The nails bitten down to the bed. Hangnails torn and covered in faint scars along the knuckles.
Such unsightly hands, and yet, they're the only ones Ikeda would accepted on his skin. Tei's hands don't wander. Tei doesn't touch without warning.
Ikeda's attention lagged as they approach the bed.
The bed, just another peice of evidence of Tei's unwavering care.
Not only did he let Ikeda on the bed at all, but he also let Ikeda selfishly take up the entire mattress while Tei took to sleeping on the floor. It was an unacceptable reversal of roles, and it was shameful how fast Ikeda took advantage of it.
It's as if his dads rules meant nothing to him...
But Tei wasnt going to let him take to the floor. He never did. He refused after votergame and soon after, it just became an unspoken rule.
Aw, whats wrong, Daiki? You dont want to upset Dad? A cruel voice whispered in his head. That never Stopped you before! What changed?
"Ikeda..." Tei lightly nudged his shoulder. "Did you hear me?"
"H-huh...?"
"I asked if you were... nevermind." Tel sighed again, exasperated and tired, but that frustration turned into resignation, "You look tired. Here, let's get you set up."
Tei coaxed him to lay down, and Ikeda had no choice but to follow his direction. Even now Tei wasnt touching him beyond what was absolutely necessary.
"There we are, easy does it,"
As Ikeda eased onto his back, Tei was gathering and fluffing up a pillow off the floor, mentioning something about support or whatever.
The concept sounded strange and alien, but Ikeda doesnt get the chance to wonder as a purplish-blue bruise stabbed under his shoulder blade.
He gasped, arching his back to try and alleviate that tension, but the pain rippled and jumped, unfurling down his back like the lashes of a whip.
Tei jolts and suddenly he's knelt next to the bed, uncertain and exhausted but still leaping at his beck and call. "Whats wrong? H-how can I help?"
When has anyone been so eager for his sake? Ikeda wondered, weakly muttering that his back and shoulders were blistering.
"The brand." Tei's breath shuddered, his tongue clicking as his eyes flick between him and the door, a concophony of noise whipping around in his skull, if Ikeda had to guess.
"Uh- I-I think - how bad is it? Similar to how it was yesterday? Or the day before? It probably needs redressing, and we still have the antiboitic ointment, and the topical cream— oh! How about I grab some pain killers, including that liquid sleep aid? W-would that help?"
"S... sure."
"Okay! Okay-" Tei bounced on his heels and stood up—he almost falls back on his ass but he reoriented himseld, gripping the bed for stability.
"Um. Do you want me get Hirose? So he can apply it to your back-?"
"Nn... No." Ikeda cant squint past the pressure squeezing his head. "You... you do it..."
Tei's eyebrows shoot up.
What, did he think that just because they fucked eachother over, that Ikeda would suddenly be okay with anyone else touching him? Stupid.
Why tei even bothered touching him was beyond him... was he a masochist or something?
Tei leaves with a flurry of words trailing behind him like his tangled hair, saying something about getting something for him to drink, something for the pain, the ointment, something to make it better. He's going to make it better.
Why.
Why did Tei care...? After everyrhing Ikeda has done, after everything hes said, Tei stays right there. Always at his side, waiting on him, wanting to ease the agony Ikeda struggled ro acclimate to.
Why...?
Bad things happen to bad people, Ikeda knew this better than anyone.
So what on earth did he do to earn someone like Tei Atsushi? What scam did he manage to pull to get this?
And on the inverse, what did Tei do to be cursed with someone like Ikeda Daiki.
He's not a bad person, he doesn't deserve the head splitting migraines or the sleepless nights. He simply doesn't.
Before Ikeda had the chance to wonder, his limbs lock up.
A live wire of electricity heats up along his neck and spine, cording and splintering until it coiled around his ribs and along his head. Squeezing his skull until it felt like it would burst.
It's a blinding pain, but all he could do was curl up and wait for it to pass, wait for Tei to come back.