Chapter Text
Ilya is painted as an asshole, a womanizer, and an unapologetic jerk. He feeds that image because it serves him. It sharpens his game, earns respect, and keeps his hockey career alive. The persona is armor, and he wears it willingly. It's the same defense that once protected him from repeating his mother's fate.
His mother never had that armor. She was gentle to the core so gentle she wouldn't even raise her voice at him. Ilya's memories of her are nothing but softness and laughter.
Behind the reputation, the image isn't entirely false. Ilya does have a strong personality; he can ignite a room as easily as he ignites the ice. But away from cameras he is something different. A soft, considerate, and deeply attentive. That version rarely gets seen. Shane knows it well.
A softness that Shane likes to think is only reserved for him and his family never the outside world. Shane thinks he's selfish for dreading the day where he'd have to share this version of Ilya with the world. A world where people would see that Ilya, the brute hockey player, actually has a heart. The irony of that when Ilya is known for being an inconsiderate jerk.
But Ilya has never been outwardly inconsiderate of Shane at least not on purpose hence why to think that Ilya understands every part of Shane's body is an understatement. If he would he could teach a whole course in everything that is Shane starting from inside and out.
Part of this is because Ilya has always been Observant, attentive, and careful with the people he truly loves. Part of this comes from the fact that he never noticed his mother struggling. He carries this guilt with him and makes it his personal mission to make sure everyone around him is okay. He can't help it.
"Are you alright?" Ilya questions as he slows the pace in which he was placing kisses against Shane's neck as a result he feels Shane's pulse spike up a little bit against his lips and he smiles to himself. He loves the affect he has on the man currently straddling him the boring car movie that Ilya had urged them to watch long forgotten.
"Y-yes" Shane's voice cracks embarrassingly as he feels Ilya's lips ghost around his neck he hates how sensitive he is when Ilya starts to touch him like this. It's like his brain just turns into mush all while Ilya stays as composed and stoic as ever while he loses his mind as if he’s a blushing virgin all over again. It's embarrassing and mortifying how vocal and responsive he is when it comes to the Russian man's touches.
"Liar" Ilya murmurs as he pulls away to look at Shane who's currently melting in his lap. He had to tilt his head a little to get a good look at the man since he's slightly taller than him at the moment. His hair is his messed up, lips swollen from all the kissing they did, and there's a few bite marks in his neck slowly but surely will be a nice purple by the end of the night.
Most importantly his eyes are cloudy and glossy, but not in the way Ilya loves when he's drunk off of all the golden haired man's praises, kisses, and touches. This is the kind of cloudy that takes place when Shane is thinking too much. Ilya has mastered Shane's mind, body, and soul. He could tell someone what Shane was thinking and feeling based of a simple scrunch in his eyebrow.
Right now there's a slight clench in his jaw that would go unnoticed to any regular person who didn't take pride in understanding his Shane and all his nonverbal communications especially in an intimate setting where it's easy to get caught up in the moment and trying to finish rather making sure all parties are having a good time. Shane is overthinking and Ilya needs to know why.
"I'm not lying I swear" Shane says quietly purposefully readjusting himself in Ilya's lap to get some friction causing Ilya's breath to hitch. He puts a large hand on Shane's waist gripping firmly to stop his movements and Shane embarrassingly almost lets his load out right there and then, but hold himself back. He loves the size difference between Ilya and him.
"No, something is wrong talk to me" Ilya demands softly trying to focus on the problem at hand, but it seems like there's a bigger problem growing in his pants all over again. Shane averts his eyes and looks anywhere, but at Ilya. He knows they won't get anywhere if Ilya is convinced something is wrong, and he sucks at lying to Ilya. The position isn't helping his case either.
"It's nothing..." Shane mumbles again
"Is something" Ilya states like it's the most obvious thing known to mankind. Shane will never understand how he's so easy to read. Like what even gave it away one minute they're making out and grinding against each other and the next Ilya is asking if he's okay and demanding answers.
"Ilya."
"Shane."
They have a stare off well more like Ilya tries to have a stare off by trying to meet Shane's gaze and Shane makes it his life's mission to avoid the man's eyes. The wall, lighter sitting in the kitchen counter, and the small freckle on Ilya's right shoulder seem to be easier things to hold eye contact with. If he makes eye contact he will break, and have to talk about something very embarrassing.
"Hollander" Ilya says softly. That's not fair Ilya knows Shane hates when he calls him Hollander it's like a bitter reminder of where they started the cage they trapped theme selves in for more than half of a decade before they figured it out. He's slowly started to loath when Ilya used his last name he just prefers sweetheart, baby, and especially anything Russian. Even Shane is better than Hollander any day.
"That's not fair Rozanov" Shane mumbles with no bite behind his voice as he hides his face into Ilya's neck. Ilya knows he starting to break he just needs a bit of a push.
"Sweetheart, please talk to me" Ilya says knowing that "sweetheart," is Shane's weakness he notices that way his eyes melt every time he calls him that It's so cute. Shane stays quiet while Ilya waits patiently because he knows that Shane is probably weighting the pros and cons on telling him what's going on in his head, so he'll wait.
"You have to promise not to laugh" Shane finally says after a few minutes of silence and Ilya hums in agreement ready to hear what could possibly be delaying the amazing sex they could be having right now.
"Promise" Shane insists pulling away from Ilya so he can stick out his pinky toward Ilya. Ilya grins and intertwines their pinky, brings up the intertwined fingers up to his lip and places a kiss on each pinky.
"I promise" he says giving Shane his undivided attention as he starts to fidget with his fingers trying to find the right words.
"I-I'm too responsive during sex" Shane rushes out and Ilya makes a confused face. Like the one he makes when a reporter asks a question to fast and his brain can't keep up with the English language.
"I'm too loud during sex..." Shane mumbles again catching onto Ilya's confusion. Ilya's face goes through a series of emotions and it lands on confusion again.
"So, what is the problem? you feel good. I make you feel good" Ilya states with a cocky smirk and Shane shakes his head as his face heats up embarrassingly because what is this interaction or conversation at all.
"It's embarrassing being the only one making noises while you're all stoic and calm it's mortifying the affect your touches and words have on me" Shane rambles pressing an accusatory pointer finger against Ilya's right shoulder as if that would help emphasize his words or get his point across.
"I don't understand what is the problem with that? I make you feel good you scream and moan that is a good thing da?" Ilya says again his own face morphing into even more confusion and Shane's face heats up even more in embarrassment if that's even possible and he pulls himself off Ilya's lap to stand instead. Ilya reaches out to try and grab him irritated at the loss of contact but Shane is already out of reach.
"No not a good a thing I need to be quieter...it's embarrassing acting like I'm losing my virginity all over again" Shane huffs shaking his head while he stands in front of Ilya who's confused as to what bought this on. He tries to think of any possible interactions that way have made Shane have this ridiculous spiral.
"Why are you being like this?" Ilya questions and Shane pauses a little because does he tell his current lover that he was on the phone with Rose and they talked about how her current partner is super vocal and just as loud as her in bed, and it's the most amazing sex she's ever had no offense to him, and how that planted a seed of insecurity in Shane's head when Rose said something about how men hate it when they're partner is super loud and vocal because they feel good obviously, but they don't get the same energy back.
Shane knows he's being ridiculous and he's just in his head, but there's a difference in how vocal Ilya is in bed nowadays. When they first started off as stupid teenagers they were both loud. The thrill of begging caught, and the sneaking around just had a different kind of effect on them. They were younger and everything was heightened and exciting. Now there's a level of thrill that's not there anymore, and Shane thinks it's affecting the level of excitement Ilya has in the bedroom or how responsive he is. Shane doesn't know how to explain it if he's being honest.
He's still moaning and screaming like a teenager every time without fail, but Ilya is more calm and controlled. He's not as frantic, brazen, and loud as he was when they were younger it's ridiculous Shane knows, but he can't help it it his brain won't stop telling him that maybe just maybe Ilya doesn't find the thrill in this anymore or Shane is loud in bed that he can't comprehend that Ilya is vocal just not as loud as him. he's definitely spiraling because he doesn't notice that Ilya has grabbed his hand and guided him to sit next to him on the couch until Ilya says something again.
"Sweetheart you still here with me?" Ilya breaks Shane out of his trance with the while moving a strand of hair out of Shane's face. And Shane nods automatically without thinking.
"Words." Ilya states.
"Yes, I'm still here" Shane answers quickly eager to please as always and Ilya smiles proudly and Shane almost goes into cardiac arrest. He would do anything for that smile anything.
"Now can you please explain where this is coming from?" Ilya urges again and Shane takes a deep breath trying to calm his thoughts down. He can't just blurt things out he has to be considerate of Ilya and the stupid English language that's hard to comprehend even for him sometimes, so he'll have to find the right words before he goes onto a long rant.
"Can we just do it. I feel like it'll be easier to show you than explain it" Shane decides sheepishly which maybe it's a stupid choice, but right now all he wants is to be held and somewhat prove to himself that he's not some stupid reactive slut of Ilya Rozanov.
"Are you sure?" Ilya questions gripping Shane's chin and making him look him in the eyes. And he sees a hint of determination in Shane's eyes when he nodes his head eagerly, and who's Ilya to say "no" to those puppy brown eyes with so much determination in them. Like he has something to prove.
"Promise?"
"Promise"
With that Ilya leans in and kisses Shane as if the connection between their lips is his only source of oxygen as he moves his lips against Shane's who was caught by surprise at the sudden kiss. He forgets that sometimes Ilya is just as eager as him sometimes moments like this.
Before Shane knows it he's being pulled into Ilya's lap again in one swoop without their lips Disconnecting. The kiss quickly turns hungry and hurried when Ilya slips his tongue into Shane's mouth. Shane moans as Ilya stands up without warning and wraps is legs around his waist as he carries him to the bedroom. On a different day he would've complained about being carried like a child, but today he's too busy trying to hold back the noises in the back of his throat. He's afraid if he attempts to speak something else will come out.
Shane fells his back collide with the mattress. He will never get used to being thrown around like that. His field of vision Adjusts just in time for him to see Ilya taking his shirt off. His allows eyes to travel down the man's toned stomach down to the serious hard dick pocking through his pants slowly taking everything in. His mouth waters automatically at the thought of taking it into his mouth.
Before he can formulate a thought he gets on all four and crawls to the edge of the bed where Ilya is standing in all his glory. Ilya cusses in Russian when Shane rubs the side of his cheek against the print and starts to kiss the clothed dick softly. Ilya doesn't dare interrupt Shane when he's like this. Keen to please by doing whatever he wanted to Ilya's dick while in a trance.
Shane is about to pull Ilya's pants down after his done with his kisses and gentle face rubs, but before that he pauses and looks up at the Russian man with hooded eyes float eyes and tilts his head ever so slightly to the side as if asking for permission to do so.
"O bozhe moy" Ilya mutters while Shane still waits for permission. Ilya doesn't know how he ended up in other someone so perfect.
"Go ahead, moy lyubimyy. It's yours." Ilya finally permits. Shane doesn't waste any time he pulls Ilya's pants down and exposes the man's hard dick that springs up and almost hits face in the process. He wraps his hand around the dick and leans in and preps small gentle kisses on the head. Ilya's breath hitches as he says something in Russian. When Shane decides to engulf the head of Ilya's dick with his mouth sucking softly.
Shane starts to move farther down the dick small whimpers leaving his mouth at his own dick rubbing against the sheets he's always so sensitive he doesn't understand it. Those years of being repressed and left unsatisfied with his past partners which were mostly woman have done a number on his body.
Shane sucks Ilya's dick nice and slow Ilya lets him do all the work. He doesn't buck his hips and fuck into Shane's mouth, and he ignores the urge to grab the sides of Shane's head and fuck into his mouth at his own speed. When Shane moves to slowly suck on Ilya's balls it doesn't take long for Ilya to stop him when he feels his core start to tighten. He wants to finish inside of Shane.
"Bad?" Shane questions innocently looking up at Ilya with glossy eyes. Drool drips down at the side in his mouth, and lips are swollen and pink.
"No, sweetheart you were perfect always so perfect for me" Ilya praises immediately leaning down and placing kisses all over Shane's face who melts into the display of affection and praises happily. Ilya curses himself for forgetting to say it when Shane was in action, but can you really blame him? Shane's mouth is talented.
Ilya captures Shane's lips into a kiss and ends up on top of him on the bed. By the time they're done making out Shane doesn't know how Ilya was able to slip him out of clothes so easily. He always somehow ends up spread out naked underneath Ilya.
"So beautiful" Ilya says kissing his neck, then bitting, sucking. He repeats the action over and over. He moves down Shane's body and takes his time kissing him. And marking him up. Shane's pale skin soaks it in as if it loves when Ilya treats Shane's body like his personals canvas that needs to be marked up.
Ilya notices that Shane is trying his best to keep his voice quiet. He's still responsive, but he refuses to moan and let anything other than a whimper or heavy breaths through his noise out of himself. As if he's holding himself back.
He's even bruising his lips with all the bitting his doing in order to stay quiet. Ilya wonders what could Shane but up to before the words from before hit him.
I'm too loud in bed...
Ilya smirks to himself and takes Shane's attempts to stay quiet in bed as a challenge. A challenge he will win because he will have Shane Hollander bouncing, screaming, moaning, and his name while clawing his back in a matter of minutes.
He doesn't say anything and continues to leave his marks as Shane continues to hold back his moans. When Ilya gets to Shane's dick he takes it into his mouth hungrily. In contrast to Shane's slow and sensual sucking his are fast and are demanding. As if he's trying to pry anything other than a whimper or breath out of Shane.
Shane's feels himself start to slip and he covers his mouth with his hands muffling his whimpers and breaths. Shane loses it when Ilya leave his dick alone and lets his tongue trial to his balls. Past them and lap the skin just outside Shane's hole slowly while rubbing Shane's slippery dick up and down. Shane's hips lift off the bed which only gives Ilya better access to rub his to tongue against his hole even more.
When Ilya looks up he finds Shane with his eyes drilled shut his hands over his mouth and Ilya would've loved to enjoy the view, but he can't. Shane is way too focused on being quiet at the moment. And Ilya is starting to notice just how quiet the room is. He doesn't like it Shane's moans and cry's are what keep him going. He soaks in them and it's what gets him excited.
"This is boring" Ilya states without thinking as he moves up so that he's directly back above Shane who practically stops breathing when he hears Ilya's sentence, and it registers. Before Ilya can continue and explain his sentence. Shane's mind is already overloading him with thoughts.
Boring...he thinks I'm boring
Ilya always calls Shane boring but it's never been directed towards their sex life. Shane moves his hands from him mouth and covers his eyes instead trying to hide away from Ilya.
He wants a black whole to just appear me suck him into an abyss because he feels his eyes start to burn with unshed tears, his heart rate pick up, and his breathing becomes shallow and quickened. His lips start to wobble and his feels the dam about to break.
Oh no I'm gonna cry. Stupid Shane as if you haven't already made a fool of yourself.
"No no baby no tear I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that" Ilya panics quickly trying to undo the damage he says a few curse words in Russian which only make Shane panic even more. Ilya feels so stupid he always manages to forget how sensitive Shane is under that sassy and independent exterior. Every work out of Ilya's mouth is held to a standard and every word cuts deep coming from the Russian man. Especially in an intimate setting.
"My love please look at me" Ilya begs and Shane shakes his head no as he snuffles and cries. He's now more so crying because he's embarrassed. There's no way he's having an emotional melt down in the middle of sex with his hot Russian boyfriend. This is definitely a first. He's so ridiculous.
"Shane...I did not mean it like that" Ilya starts wiping at the tears that made it down Shane's cheek. Shane still had his eyes covered and continue to listen to Ilya closely. He's not to far gone yet and thank goodness.
"I meant that you are forcing yourself to be quiet...is not like you I don't enjoy it" Ilya explains and Shane is still has his eyes covered, but Ilya notices his breathing slow ever so slightly which means he said the right thing just now.
"I love when you're loud in bed you're so cute and sexy today is like how do you say it...you are more focused on being quiet so I thought boring because it's not you...you can't bring boring into bedroom" Ilya explains calmly the best he can and Shane can't help but almost laugh at the last part. Ilya still had a hard time dealing with Shane when he's spiraling like this and crying, but he always tries his best, and when he's worried or scared to say the wrong thing his English takes a small hit because he wants to find the right words to make it better not worse.
"I- I'm sorry" Shane cringes at the sound of his voice. It sounds heavy and cloudy he wants to rip his own vocal cords out.
"No, no, baby talk to me what's wrong" Ilya says with while laying next to Shane and pulling him into his chest quickly rubbing his back soothingly. The skin and skin calms and gentle kisses on his forehead Shane down for him to uncover his now swollen red brown eyes. He takes a few breaths while trying to find the right words as Ilya continues to silently rub his back and place kisses on his head as he hides away in the Russian man's chest.
"I don't make you feel good..." Shane finally says after a few seconds, and there it is the real root of the problem. This is about Shane being to loud and vocal in bed this is about him feeling like he's not properly meeting Ilya's needs in bed the way Ilya meets his. The difference in how vocal they are in bed added more salt to the wound.
"What are you talking about?" Ilya questions confusion laced in his voice as he continues to rub Shane's back slowly.
"Sex, you make me feel so good, and...and I don't know I'm so loud-"
"And sexy" Ilya adds on earning a small laugh from Shane.
"Anyways I'm so loud and you're just so quiet...I know I'm being ridiculous I don't know this is so stupid I'm always moaning and screaming and you're not basically" Shane finishes and Ilya takes a moment to take the words in and understand what he's hearing before he speaks his mind.
"So, you are saying that I make you moan and scream my name...I don't scream and moan your name, so that means you don't fuck me good?" Ilya clarifies and Shane nods more or less that is what he's saying, and it sounds even more mortifying coming from a second party.
"You used to moan and scream too...to some extent when we were sneaking around now you don't makes me think the lack of excitement is making sex for you feel less exciting..." Shane adds on Ilya clicks his tongue at the thoughts formulating in his lover's mind.
"You're ridiculous" Ilya chuckles and Shane feels a pout start to form on his face. Well, yes now he feels stupid after saying the words out loud. It sounded so much more serious in his mind.
"Sweetheart you make me feel things I have never felt...things I could only dream of feeling before I meant you" Ilya tightens his arms around Shane as if he's trying to squeeze the bad thoughts out of Shane's head. Shane feels his eyes widen and tears start for making again at Ilya's confession.
"As for me not being loud enough in bed I'm sorry...I thought praises and words would be enough but you are greedy Hollander" Ilya teases lightly. It's the truth he gets so caught up in praising and talking Shane through it his own moans, whimpers, scrams get caught in his throat.
"You don't have to apologize for that I was being dumb" Shane mumbles into Ilya's neck.
"No, I take all the complaints about my skills in bed very seriously. Is very serious concern to have" Ilya says in all seriousness and Shane can't help, but laugh at his dorky boyfriend taking his stupid spiraling episode seriously.
“I love you so much” Shane sighs after his laughter calms down.
“I love you more” Ilya says and they sit in a comfortable silence for a few seconds just soaking in each other’s warmth and listening to each other’s breath.
“So how loud would you like me to be?” Ilya suddenly asks and Shane knows he’s unlocked a demon.