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Illuga's vision was outlined by dark purple smoke. The world in front of him had nothing. He tried to run, but every time he moved, the smoke's reach would go farther. However, the young captain was hungry for answers. And so, he kept running and running until his vision was the dark purple wind.
Illuga slowly walked backwards in an attempt to escape the wind, but he suddenly fell. A cacophony of garbled voices accompanied him as he descended. The volume of the sound became louder and louder as he plummeted.
The young captain landed with a thud. He grunted before he opened his eyes to see a familiar circular figure. The circle was predominantly pink, but it was outlined by a dark purple hue, and its center was a magenta-colored slit. He immediately tried to crawl back, but a myriad of dark purple ropes tied him down.
"Of course, the young captain would try to escape!" The figure's voice boomed with laughter. Its slit rhythmically moved, as if it were its mouth.
"A captain who leaves his comrades behind! How pitiful!" The circle mocked before it spat the body of Illuga's fallen comrade, Bjorn.
Illuga tried to speak. But when he opened his mouth, the dark purple ropes immediately slithered into every orifice of his body. The ropes colored every vein of his body with a dark purple. Whispers flooded the young captain's ears until Bjorn's voice broke through the noise.
"Why did you let me die, captain?" Bjorn's pleading question repeated over and over before it was replaced by an even more dreadful inquiry.
"Why did you leave me, Illuga?" The question was not just asked by Bjorn. Instead, it was asked by a haunting chorus of all his fallen comrades.
"Why did you leave me, Illuga?"
The young captain awoke in a cold sweat.
Illuga sat up, and he gasped for his breath, desperately grasping air for his lungs. He unconsciously squeezed his neck. His bulging eyes looked at every corner in the room, hoping to find a sense of relief. But the piercing ring in his ears proved that his search was unsuccessful.
As the ringing in his ears became louder, his exhale began to be accompanied by a river of tears. Illuga's hands traveled from his neck to his drumming heart in an attempt to calm the organ down.
It felt like an eternity had passed before the piercing sound was slowly defeated by a calm and syrupy voice.
"Illuga." The tone of the voice was enchanting, but Illuga was too scared to face the sound's source.
"Illuga, breathe with me." A familiar pale hand slithered onto Illuga's hand.
As the world calmed down, Illuga's senses came back. Once he felt Flins' torso behind him, he slumped onto the immortal and closed his eyes. Illuga squeezed Flins' hand before he matched the fae's breathing rhythm.
After a moment, Illuga opened his eyes. He relished the feeling of Flins' unrelenting kisses on his shoulder and neck. When he looked down at his and Flins' overlapped hands, he suddenly felt the urge to ask a question.
"How do you do it?" Illuga asked. His tone slightly trembled.
Flins stopped kissing Illuga before he gently squeezed the mortal's hand. "Do what, exactly?" He rested his chin on the young captain's shoulder.
"How do you… how…" Illuga's mouth dried. His words suddenly escaped him.
"Be patient, my nightingale. Don't force yourself to speak if it's painful, okay?" Flins gently suggested, he wrapped his arms around Illuga's waist.
Illuga knew that Flins' advice was sensible, but he knew that he needed to ask a particular question now or else he would be forced to bury it forever.
"It's fine." Illuga gulped. "I can do it. I promise." He looked at Flins. The fae looked worried, but the immortal didn't stop him.
Illuga took a deep breath before he spoke again. "How do you… How do you let go?" His voice trembled. "How do you forget the… the pain of losing someone?" The young captain's voice was faint. If Flins wasn't directly behind him, the fae wouldn't have been able to hear him.
Flins' face was unreadable for a moment before his eyes softened. "If your emotions are anything like mine," the immortal had a small smile on his face. "You have to feel the pain first before you feel gratitude." The fae lovingly looked at the young captain.
The young captain did not mirror the fae's loving gaze. Instead, Illuga looked at Flins with furrowed brows.
"Gratitude? Don't you mean relief?" Illuga tilted his head. His head landed on Flins' shoulder.
The immortal's eyes turned into happy crescents as he sweetly smiled. "No, I mean gratitude. I never felt relieved when someone I loved died. Grief doesn't dissipate with age; it's something that you'll always feel when you lose something or someone, in this case." Flins retorted.
Illuga's brows steadily unfurrowed.
"But as you grow older, you'll realize that your loved ones never really leave you. Sure, they can physically leave you, but their memories and stories always live on." Illuga shyly smiled as Flins explained.
"All you can do is remember them and be grateful for the fact that they've significantly impacted you." Flins expected Illuga's face to fully break into a smile. But instead, tears once again flowed down the young captain's cheeks.
"But what if you also remember their death? What if you remember that you're the reason they died?" The young captain's eyes were focused on his and Flins' intertwined hands.
Flins tucked a strand of hair behind Illuga's ear. "My young captain, Illuga." The ratnik said with reverence. "It's not your fault that some of your comrades died. You are not their killer." He firmly said.
"But I'm the squad leader. I'm supposed to protect my team." Illuga reasoned.
"Listen, you can't protect everyone. Ratniks know and accept the fact that death is highly possible for them. This is not because they think that the team has a terrible leader but because of the job's inherent danger." Flins explained.
The young captain couldn't speak. His attempts at a verbal reply would always get interrupted by sobs. The fae enveloped the mortal in a gentle hug.
Flins knew that Illuga's emotional recovery would take time and patience. The fae was happy to walk with the mortal on his journey of letting go.