Chapter Text
「“You spent a lifetime waiting. I spend eternity reminiscing.”」
Night fell, blanketing everything in a thick, pitch-black darkness. In the slumber of Elves, dreams usually do not exist. Their minds remain in a state of stillness, empty and unburdened by anything else. But tonight, perhaps because the scent of the Blue Moon Weed drifted somewhere in the wind, or perhaps because the longing had gathered enough to take shape, Frieren dreamed.
She found herself standing amidst an endless field of flowers, their blue petals glowing softly under the silver moonlight. The wind blew past, carrying a biting chill that felt strangely familiar. And there, amidst the sea of flowers rippling like waves, the silhouette of that person appeared.
A white cloak fluttering, blue hair billowing like the clouds in the sky. He turned around, his smile as radiant and gentle as the day they returned from defeating the Demon King. Not the withered old man lying in a wooden coffin, but the Hero Himmel in the most brilliant days of his youth.
“Is that you, Frieren?” Himmel spoke, his deep, warm voice echoing, just as it did in her memories of the days he was still here.
Frieren stepped closer and sat down beside him. The feeling was so real she thought she could touch the warmth from his hand.
“How strange” Frieren whispered, her gaze averting to the horizon. “I never dream. Yet here you are.”
Himmel only smiled, looking up at the starry sky. “Perhaps because I miss you. Or perhaps, you are missing me.”
“It’s beautiful here, isn't it, Frieren?” Himmel continued, resting his chin on his hand as he looked down at the valley of flowers.
Frieren drew her legs up, resting her chin on her knees, her eyes quietly observing the profile of the person beside her.
“Yes. Very beautiful” she replied softly. “Just like the place you once took me to. The only difference is, this time, there are no statues of you.”
Himmel laughed, a clear sound echoing in the void. “What a pity. I should have told the sculptor to carve one more statue inside your dream. So you would never forget this handsome face.”
If it were the old days, Frieren would have pouted and criticized that narcissism. But today, she only felt a stinging in her nose. She wished she could hear those jokes every day, but cruel time would not allow it.
“I am traveling with new companions, just like we did back then” Frieren began to recount, her voice growing smaller as if fearing that if she spoke too loudly, this space would shatter like fragile glass and Himmel would vanish again. “There is a girl named Fern, raised by Heiter. She resembles Heiter in that she nags often and is very good at drinking, but she resembles you in her kindness. And Stark too, Eisen's disciple. He is as cowardly as Eisen was in the past, but when he holds his axe to protect others, he is very reliable and brave... just like you were.”
Himmel listened in silence, his eyes shining with infinite tenderness. He turned to look at Frieren, his deep blue eyes seeming to contain an ocean of tolerance.
“So you are no longer alone” he said. “I am very glad. Heiter and Eisen must have been very worried about you.”
Frieren lowered her head to look at her hand, where the ring carved with the mirrored lotus flower lay quietly on her ring finger.
“Himmel” she called his name, her voice trembling slightly. “You knew the meaning of the flower on this ring, didn't you?”
“I knew.”
“Then why…” Frieren hesitated, her chest tightening. “Why did you never tell me? Why did you kneel and give it to me under that twilight without asking for anything in return? I didn't know its meaning. I accepted it without knowing that I was accepting your entire life.”
Himmel sighed softly, a sigh as light as a wisp of cloud. He reached out, his translucent fingers gently touching the back of Frieren's hand, cold, yet making her feel strangely warm.
“Because... you are Frieren” he smiled, a sad but not tragic smile. “Because you are a mage, an Elf living eternally with time. If I said it, that word of love would become a curse binding you. I am human, Frieren. My life is short, like a flower that blooms in the morning and withers by night. I didn't want you to bear the burden of forever mourning a dead love when I am no longer in this world.”
Frieren's tears fell, hot and searing, soaking into the hem of his illusory cloak.
“But I was... very heartbroken” she sobbed. “For twenty-nine years, I have walked the path we once took, looked at the old sceneries, and realized your shadow is everywhere. You lied to me, Himmel. You said you didn't want to bind me, yet you had statues carved all over the world, so that wherever I go, I see you. You turned yourself into a piece of memory that can never be erased.”
She lifted her face, her rimmed eyes looking straight at the soul of the hero of yesteryear.
“Do you find it unfair? Spending a whole life waiting, loving unrequitedly a heartless person like me. You passed away, taking that love with you deep into the grave, leaving me alone with regret and a realization that came too late. Do you regret it, Himmel? That if only you had loved a normal human girl, you would have had a family, a complete happiness, instead of solitude until the end of your life.”
The wind in the dream suddenly blew harder, sending the blue moon petals flying into the sky like a storm of turquoise snow. Time seemed to freeze at that painful question. That was the question, the “what if” that Frieren had tormented herself with for thousands of nights under the lonely moonlight. Himmel stood up, his cloak flapping in the wind. He stood shielding Frieren, blocking out the desolation of the night behind him.
“Frieren” his voice was steadfast. “I have never felt regret, nor have I ever felt lonely.”
Himmel looked at her, the smile on his lips bearing no trace of sorrow, only contentment and boundless love. He raised his hand, intending to pat her head as was his old habit, but his hand could only pass through. That's right. He wasn't really here.
“The adventure with you was the most brilliant page of my life. The mornings watching you sleep in, the times seeing you happy when finding a strange grimoire, or simply walking beside you... it was all happiness.”
He lowered his hand, gently bending down so his eyes met hers.
“Even if you didn't return my feelings, even if our times were too different, being able to love you, being able to walk with you for a segment of the road... for me, that was enough. Love does not always need a response, Frieren. It is beautiful because it once existed.”
Himmel’s hand raised again, intending to wipe the tear from her cheek, but then stopped in mid-air. He knew he couldn't. How bitter. To have the beloved right before one's eyes, but be unable to touch them anymore.
“I do not regret loving you. The only thing I regret is not being able to walk with you on the long journey ahead. But Frieren, the fact that you are crying for me right now, the fact that you remember me after twenty-nine years... isn't that already the answer? That I truly existed in your heart, that I was an indispensable part of this eternal journey.”
Himmel's form began to fade, bit by bit, merging into the light of the blue moon flowers.
“Don't cry anymore” his voice echoed back, distant as an evening bell. “Smile, alright? Because your smile is the reason I started this journey.”
Frieren reached out, trying to grasp the hem of his cloak one last time. But all that remained was the void.
“Himmel! No! Don't go…”
“Live happily, Frieren. Don't cry. I am always here, always living in your memories and in your heart.”
His voice dissolved into the wind, leaving Frieren alone amidst the immense field of flowers.
She startled awake.
Dawn had broken. The morning sunlight pierced through the forest canopy, shining on her tear stained face. Frieren raised a hand to touch her cheek. The cold wetness was still there. Beside her, Fern and Stark were still fast asleep, the campfire crackling, flickering with rosy embers. The real world continued, peaceful and cruel.
Frieren gripped the staff in her hand tightly, her chest tightening with a dull ache. The dream had dissolved, the person was gone, but his words still echoed somewhere here.
She sat up, dazedly touching her left chest, where her heart was beating in rapid, painful, but clear rhythms. Frieren wiped her tears, smiling softly at the empty space.
“Idiot” she whispered. “You always know how to make people remember you… Himmel.”