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He was 12 years old. He was walking towards his parents bedroom calling out for his mother. She hadn’t greeted him when he came home from school. It wasn’t like her.
He pushed the door open. He knew what he would find but he couldn’t stop himself.
She was lying on the bed. He approached her even though his mind was screaming at him not to.
He touched her face. She felt cold. He shook her arm, trying to wake her.
It didn’t work.
He screamed.
28 year old Ilya shot bolt upright in bed, his scream waking him. He was shaking and sweaty.
He was alone. In a hotel room in a city he struggled to remember the name of.
The old nightmare he had been having for years. Always the same. Reliving the moment he found his mother.
He took a few deep breaths.
He had always had to deal with the aftermath of the nightmare alone.
Not anymore.
He reached for his phone and called up the now familiar number.
It rang 3 times and then,
“Hello”, a sleepy voice.
He looked at the clock on the bedside table. 3am. Shit. He was too tired to work out what time that was in Ottawa. But middle of the night anyway.
“I am sorry Yuna. I forgot the time. I shouldn’t have called. Go back to sleep”, he muttered.
“Wait, Ilya”, she sounded more awake now, “It’s ok. You had the nightmare again?”
“Yes”, he exhaled.
“I’m sorry. It must be so hard, remembering that day”.
“Yes”, if he said more he would cry.
“It’s ok Ilya. You can let go”.
She knew.
That was all it took. The floodgates opened and he sobbed.
She let him cry it out.
When she heard him compose himself, she continued.
“She loved you Ilya. So much. She wouldn’t have wanted to leave you”.
He nodded and then remembered she couldn’t see him.
“Thank you”.
“I know I’m a poor substitute but I love you. And I’m here always”.
“Thank you”, he repeated. He didn’t know what else to say.
“You don’t have to thank me Ilya. I would do the same for Shane”, she said gently.
“He is your son”.
“So are you”.
That started Ilya off again.
“I just needed to hear your voice. I don’t know, maybe I should have rang Shane, but….”,
“No, I get it. I know you love Shane. But sometimes you just need someone else. I am happy to be that someone for you Ilya. Always”.
“I needed a mother”, he admitted.
“You have one. I know I am no replacement for your real one. But I will be there for you now where she can’t. I promise you Ilya”.
“Than-“
“Ah!”, she warned, “what did I just say?”
He smiled.
“I love you Yuna”.
“I love you too Ilya. Now, talk to me. Last time you spoke about Christmas traditions. I want to know now, what was she like on your birthday?”
“Oh she loved birthdays! Her own and everyone else’s……”