Work Text:
“Perhaps cannabis use on company property isn’t the best use of your time, Tim.”
Tim looked up, holding the small dugout pipe between his fingers. The smell from his recent exhale of smoke wasn’t too strong, but noticeable enough if you stood as close to him as Elias had elected to.
The look on Tim’s face was neutral, but Elias read his mind to reveal he was far more nervous than he was going to outwardly let on.
“Going to fire me, boss?” Tim asked, followed by his cocky laugh to mask the actual fear of Elias’ response. The effects of the cannabis made the interaction far more intense in Tim’s mind.
He noticed the slight tremble in his hand as he held the pipe.
Elias grinned, stepping forward even closer and extending out his hand, palm facing up.
“I was actually going to ask if you’d… be willing to share.”
It was hardly a secret that the original Elias Bouchard often enjoyed frequent cannabis use. Something that when Jonah Magnus had occupied the body, he found he understood a bit more than he thought he would. Not that it was common knowledge anymore about his occasional indulgence.
Leaving Tim to stare at him in shock. He had not been working at the Institute long enough to know the rumors of Elias Bouchard’s sudden shift into professionalism.
“Is this a joke?” Tim finally asked, twirling the pipe between his hands but finally handing it to Elias.
“It’s not,” Elias responded, the pipe was still fairly warm.
Tim shrugged and handed him the lighter, watching in awe as Elias inhaled the last bit of cannabis that was left in the pipe.
“Had I known you were serious, I would’ve reloaded it for you,” Tim admitted, watching Elias exhale the smoke.
Elias handed the pipe back to Tim, already feeling the effects around his eyes. He took in a breath and smiled.
He hardly tried to indulge the habit when he could, especially in the form of smoking. Jonah had worked a very tedious amount restoring the lung capacity of Elias’ body. He spent his mornings working up to distance running, taking time to also improve his cardiovascular health. But every so often, he did find himself enjoying the more relaxing effects.
“You’re more than welcome to,” Elias said, already feeling a bit more relaxed. Perhaps it was placebo, or the simple anticipation of the high coming on, but it didn’t matter. Elias would let himself enjoy the moment.
The day had nearly been over. Elias had just finished a meeting with the newly founded Archives staff and could tell tensions regarding his Head Archivist, Jonathan Sims, were a bit high. Tim and Jon had previously been at the same level in Research, leaving things difficult for Tim when Jon started immediately acting like a boss when they transferred departments.
Tim clearly was adjusting to being Jon’s subordinate in his own way. The intake of cannabis at the end of the workday was likely so that Tim didn’t scream at him.
Tim smiled and shrugged again, his face still in a state of shock as he took the small box out and loaded the pipe into it. His thoughts were loud as he filled the piece with the small amount of cannabis, wondering if Elias would press further on how often he smoked while at work. If he would ask how often as of late he had to take breaks from the Archives to come outside and smoke because of his annoyance with Jon’s leadership.
Elias however, didn’t press. He’d gotten what he needed from their adjusting dynamic leaving that meeting. He didn’t need to read minds for that. Elias let his eyes focus on the motion of Tim twirling the pipe into the box and making sure it was adequately loaded. Watching the motion felt nice, and he could already feel himself begin to enjoy hyperfocusing on a simple task.
“Here you go, boss,” Tim said, handing him back the pipe.
Elias nodded, putting the piece back to his lips and lighting it.
That inhale certainly burned more than the last. He felt the taste linger on the back of his throat. Smoking cannabis was always different than a cigarette, another indulgence he only allowed himself on very rare occasions. Cannabis left his mouth much dryer, the burn a little harsher as he felt himself cough for a moment before handing the still warm piece back to Tim.
Elias focused again on Tim, watching his mouth move around the pipe and inhaling with any issue while Elias himself was suppressing a cough. Tim exhaled and passed it back to Elias.
He knew he likely should’ve waited, but instead took another long draw from the piece, knowing it would burn out shortly. He was shaking his head when he handed it back to Tim, to inform him that he had enough, at least for the time being.
“So I take it you won’t uh…”
“You have my discretion, Tim,” Elias nodded, watching Tim shift a bit awkwardly in his stance. “But I do recommend going away from Institute property in the future.”
Tim looks down, a little sheepishly as he sticks his dugout pipe back into the box.
“Understood, boss. And uh– if you’re ever interested again,”
Elias smiled, enjoying the feeling of the cannabis taking effect, the pleasant relaxation that will likely get him through the likely long evening he will continue working through.
“I tend to avoid smoking when I can,” Elias said, feeling his shoulders relax a little. “But I appreciate the offer, of course.”
“Sure thing,” Tim said before making his way back into the Institute, likely to deal with the last hour and a half or so of whatever work it was Jon had assigned him.
Elias took the cologne stashed in his jacket pocket and was thankful Rosie had left early as he walked back to his office.
–
Since their interaction, Elias felt Tim’s mind wander to him far more often. He enjoyed that, knowing he was on Tim’s mind as some association of relaxation. Not that Tim acted on it, but in the more frequent breaks he would take to smoke, he made sure to at least walk across the street.
It had been a few months since Tim had brought up the conversation of cannabis back to Elias once more. On a Friday evening, Elias was surprised to see Tim staying even later than Jon. He was even more surprised to see Tim turn towards his office rather than the front doors out of the Institute well after five.
Rosie left nearly an hour ago, but Elias kept the door open in her absences to make himself accessible. Tim knocked lightly, and Elias had to pretend to wait a moment before looking up.
“Tim,” Elias greeted with a nod. “I’m surprised you’re still here. Jon hasn’t kept you too late with follow-ups has he?”
Tim laughed, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. There was truth to that, and Elias knew the tension between Tim and Jon had escalated a bit. At first, Tim seemed more angry at Elias for promoting Jon rather than Jon, but as he continued working with him, the anger seemed to fully redirect to Jon’s leadership. Which ultimately led to Tim taking more frequent smoke breaks and walks around the Institute to simply get away from Jon’s presence
“Not this week,” Tim finally answered. “But I… well, I wanted to ask you something.”
Elias’ eyebrows raised, he shifted back in his chair and granted Tim his full attention.
“Please come in, shut the door if you need to.”
Not that there was anyone really left in the building, but Tim still shut the door quietly as he walked to sit down across from Elias’ desk.
“This isn’t anything important,” Tim started, not making eye contact when he spoke. “Sasha’s out of town this weekend, and well–”
“I don’t typically make it a habit to associate with Institute employees after work hours, Tim,” Elias said, “Please don’t take that as a slight, but–”
“Well what if we were here?” Tim asked, and Elias could see then that Tim really didn’t want to be alone.
“You want to spend your free time here at the Institute?” Elias asked, unable to hide the amusement in his voice.
Tim laughed, relaxing back in his chair to grab something out of his messenger bag.
“Look, I know it’s a little… unorthodox perhaps,” He said, taking out a small tupperware container that looked to be brownies. But as soon as Tim opened the lid, Elias smelled what they additionally contained. “I made some edibles?”
Elias looked at the tray, which smelled oddly of chocolate and the rather potent smell of cannabis.
“You’d like for me to take an edible with you?”
Tim shrugged again.
“I wasn’t really expecting Sasha to be out of town this weekend, but I don’t want them to go bad. I know you said you didn’t typically like to smoke so I– well I thought I’d ask.”
Elias eyed the brownies then Tim again. He was clearly just as out of his element as Elias felt by the offer. The Elias Bouchard that originally inhabited this body would have readily seized the opportunity. But Jonah felt strange about what this could lead to. About what Tim saw in whatever this strange offer was.
But something about being considered by Tim caught Elias’ attention. That Tim was desperate to be around someone else. He sighed, finally nodding.
“Arlight,” Elias agreed. “I don’t have plans.”
There was a look of relief that washed over Tim’s face for Elias to agree.
“Still prefer to do this here?” Tim asked, and Elias nodded again.
“While I really don’t think cannabis use on Institute property is exactly a great idea,” Elias prefaced. “I believe this might be the safer option.”
“Well I don’t live too far,” Tim offered, “In case we need somewhere to go.”
Elias could not really place himself in Tim Stoker’s home, but politely nodded again before turning off his computer.
“Understood,” was all Elias could answer.
Tim began breaking off a piece of the brownie, handing a much smaller piece to Elias.
“Not sure how much you’d like to try, I think these are a bit strong.”
Elias took the crumbling piece of brownie from Tim’s hand, trying not to think too hard about the state of the kitchen they were prepared in, or if Tim’s hands were clean. He was perhaps not great with spontaneity, but at least being in the Institute gave him a better sense of control than had he been somewhere unfamiliar.
He placed the brownie to his mouth, the thickness of the chocolate masking most of the taste of cannabis. He chewed and swallowed quickly, not wanting to back out of the decision. He did however regret not having any sort of tea prepared beforehand.
Despite the strange aftertaste, the brownies were quite good. He smiled as he looked up at Tim and nodded approvingly.
Tim returned the gesture and began eating his much larger portion, actually careful enough to not drop crumbs over Elias’ desk.
“Well,” Elias said after they’d both finished, knowing he would have to wait for any sort of effects to begin. “Shall I make tea?”
–
The two sat together on opposite ends of the small sectional in Elias’ office, sipping tea and talking about whatever seemed to come to mind.
Elias found Tim surprisingly easy to talk to. His interest in Architecture in particular, was fascinating to hear more about. Tim had a pretty deep interest in the Institute and Robert Smirke in general, and Elias often found it difficult during their conversation not to bring up his old conversations with Robert Smirke about the construction of the Millbank Prison as a way to carry on the conversation.
So instead, he listened rather than interjected. Tim was animated when he spoke freely, talking with his hands, clearly excited. He found himself wrapping up into the comfort of his enthusiasm.
The brownie seemed to have its effect on Tim first. Elias noticed his body seemed much more relaxed, moving in a bit closer on the couch as he went on about the Millbank Prison. His mind was quiet as he looked around Elias’ office, losing track of his thoughts on Smirke’s restoration.
“Sorry,” Tim said, laughing a bit. “Brownie’s kicked in a bit.”
Elias laughed, not feeling much from his own just yet.
“We could order takeaway,” he suggested.
Tim’s eyes lit up, smiling again with that delightful enthusiasm that sent a rather odd feeling in Elias’ chest.
“Cheesy chips and gravy?” Tim said, his eyes beginning to redden but his smile didn’t falter.
Elisa smiled back. The idea sounded rather… horribly indulgent, but his own stomach was beginning to growl.
“I’ll call it in,” he assured, standing up.
“Boss?”
The voice sounded rather far away. Like someone was trying to call to him from another room. But that didn’t make sense– where was he?
Elias blinked, suddenly feeling a jolt of cold running through him. He heard a voice again.
“Elias?”
It was familiar. That was– that was his name. That was the body’s name. His eyes were closed.
Elias opened his eyes to see Tim Stoker, holding him steady. Why did he feel like he was watching this from outside of his body?
“T– Tim?”
He blinked again, looking back at the chaise.
“Look, why don’t you sit down? I can order the food–”
“Food?”
Elias could hardly think, what were they doing? Had they been here all night?
“Yeah boss, we were gonna order takeaway. We’re in your office, we ate some brownies.”
Elias swallowed. His mouth was painfully dry. He wanted water but the idea of swallowing anything presently sounded terrible.
He didn’t respond, but he let Tim sit him back down on the chaise. Everything felt delayed, like he was watching things happen two seconds or so after. He closed his eyes again, suddenly incredibly nauseous.
“I– I might be sick,” Elias was able to whisper out.
“Here, I’m going to call for some food and get you some water. You have a rubbish bin in here?”
Right. This was Elias’ office. He had to provide the answer to that so he didn’t throw up all over the place.
“Under– the desk,” He whispered, feeling Tim move to go find it.
It could have been a few seconds, it could have been an hour, but Tim returned with the rubbish bin and a bottle of water. Elias only knew from the cold touch of the water sitting next to his thigh. He still couldn’t open his eyes.
“I got the food ordered, I just ordered you some plain chips and if you decide you want more you can pick off of my plate. For now, just try and drink some water?”
Tim sounded way too far away again, and Elias couldn’t fathom the idea of opening his eyes to check to see how close he actually was. Everything felt like it was spinning. His entire body was tense, with the strange sense of impending doom. He felt his heart race in his chest as felt a strange cold run along his limbs.
“Elias,” Tim said gently and he felt his hand on his leg.
He wanted to tell Tim that he wasn’t Elias, that he was never Elias Bouchard. That wasn’t his name at all. He was James Wright– but he wasn’t James Wright either. He wasn’t Richard Mindleson, or–
Elias forced himself to open his eyes again. Tim was staring back, offering him a soft but concerned smile.
“I’m sorry–” Elias started, but Tim shook his head.
“Hey it’s alright, the brownies were a bit stronger than I thought. I should’ve cut your piece in half a second time.”
The mention of the brownies made Elias want to vomit again, which made him dizzy again, which made the terrifying sensation of the cold run back down his body.
He didn’t respond, he put his knees to his chest and closed his eyes again. He felt the pressure of Tim’s hand on his shoulder, the weight was– nice. Grounding.
“Will you–” Elias stammered, not able to open his eyes. “If you’d keep your hand there, that would be… fine.”
“Sure thing,” Tim said, and the pressure stayed constant.
Elias’ head was still spinning. He didn’t understand how long it had been since they were in his office. Had the weekend passed? Was it midnight? Did they ever eat?
Questions kept flooding his mind, and then Tim’s own concerns were getting more difficult to drown out. The worries that Elias would be furious with him once he came to, that he couldn’t believe his own crippling loneliness led him to accidentally overdose his boss from a pot brownie.
Despite Tim’s own anxiety, he was able to use the thoughts, along with Tim’s touch, as an anchor to the present. He reminded himself that the year was 2016, not 1816. The Magnus Institute was now in London, the old Millbank Prison that he– that Jonah Magnus–
They were just talking about the Millbank Prison. Elias had listened to what Tim said. He had memories of Robert Smirke. Because he was Jonah Magnus, or he used to be Jonah Magnus. Or he just read about Jonah Magnus.
Despite feeling as motion sick as he did, he moved quickly to open his eyes and find the rubbish bin. Tim, as promised, kept his hand on Elias’ shoulder, running it along his back as he vomited. The taste was horrible, his heart kept pounding as he heaved again, unable to stop.
He took a moment, slumped over the chaise and breathing heavily over the rubbish bin. But suddenly the world seemed a lot less– dizzy.
“That– that helped,” Elias admitted, focusing on the small circles Tim was rubbing into his back.
“Drink some water,” Tim said.
Elias nodded, able to open his eyes enough to grab the bottle by his side and undo the cap. He took a few small sips of liquid and spat them back into the wastebin, mostly to get the taste of vomit out of his mouth.
He drank a proper sip and enjoyed the feeling of the liquid replenishing him. Before long, he had drunk the entire bottle of water. His stomach churned, but he wasn’t nearly as disoriented.
Tim’s hand was still on his back.
Elias turned to look at him, the motion causing another strange sensation of cold to run through his body, but Tim felt a bit more real sitting next to him.
“Again, my apologies,” Elias said, feeling better physically but now embarrassed. “I’m sure you didn’t expect to have to babysit your boss–”
“Hey, it’s alright,” Tim said. His thoughts were calmer, now that Elias was back to speaking in full sentences. The calm was nice, it made his mind feel far more at ease than the worrisome questions that kept plaguing his own mind.
“I do appreciate it, Tim,” Elias said. “But I think I need to keep my eyes closed.”
Tim smiled.
“Do what you need to do, lay down if you need to. I can stay here and let you know when the food arrives.”
Elias thought about laying down, with Tim there, keeping his hands on him.
“If you wouldn’t mind,” Elias admitted, “The touch is rather grounding.”
Tim offered him an understanding nod, and Elias repositioned himself to lay down. He felt really strange sprawling over Tim as he kept hold of some part of his body. His hand running up and down his thigh in a soothing manner as Elias tried to hold himself together.
Elias. He repeated the name from Tim’s mind a few times, trying to keep reminding himself that was him. He was once Jonah Magnus, but he inhabited the body of Elias Bouchard. He was previously several other people. But that was not him anymore.
So was he Jonah Magnus? Was he always Elias Bouchard?
Was this some strange hallucination from the original Elias Bouchard?
No, he had memories of Jonah Magnus. Learning about the fears from Robert Smirke. His failure at the Panopticon. Barnabas Bennett–
Elias blinked and felt the tears threatening to fall. No, he wasn’t going to cry in front of Tim. He absolutely wasn’t going to cry over the failures of Jonah Magnus. He’d moved on, he cheated death, hadn’t he?
Was Jonah Magnus even still alive? Really? Was Elias Bouchard not also a culmination of James Wright?
Jonah Magnus wouldn’t have consumed cannabis. Would he?
His thoughts were interrupted by another retch into the rubbish bin.
There went his water.
Tim’s hand was back on his back, rubbing those same smoothing circles as Elias laid his head over the chaise, trying to see if his body was going to throw back up.
Tim’s anxiety was elevated again, worried that Elias was angry with him. Elias wanted to assure him that he wasn’t, that Jonah Magnus wasn’t angry.
Instead he threw up again.
“Do you want some more water?” Tim asked.
Elias shook his head and laid back down, facing the ceiling.
“No, I’m afraid I’ll just throw it back up.”
“Understood, boss,” Tim said, his hand back on his leg. “Just let me know if you need anything.”
Despite Tim’s own anxiety toward the situation, he was remaining incredibly calm on the outside, which was helping Elias stay as in reality as he could. Tim’s own mind was reassuring enough that this would eventually pass.
Elias took in a deep breath and tried not to think about his own existence. He wanted to drown out the piercing questions of his identity, of the over two centuries of memories that he could not parse through that made up the consciousness that sat there, eyes closed and tired of vomiting. Instead he just focused again on that bit of pressure running up and down the leg that was clearly attached to his brain, even if a bit delayed.
“I’m hoping that was the last time,” Elias said, eyes still closed. “Again, I do appreciate the company.”
“You’re not going to fire me for overdosing you on pot are you?” Tim said, the laugh was in his voice but Elias could read the truth in his mind.
“As long as I have your discretion for…” He motioned his hand over himself and the rubbish bin.
“Your secret’s safe with me, boss.”
“Elias,” He said, opening his eyes again. He met Tim’s gaze and tried to convey the seriousness in his tone. “Please call me Elias.”
He needed the reminder.
“Elias, got it,” Tim nodded, squeezing his leg. “Look, I think the food is almost here. I can go ahead and stick it in the break room if the smell is going to get to you.”
“I– if you wouldn’t mind,” Elias agreed, moving his legs off of Tim so that he could get up.
He felt another wave of cold run through his body from the movement, but his stomach at least stayed settled. Elias almost wanted to beg Tim not to leave, worried he would get trapped in that terrible thought cycle without him there. But he reminded himself that Tim was simply grabbing the food they’d ordered and coming right back. He could sit with his thoughts for that long.
Jonah Magnus did not like sitting with his thoughts. He did not like having to sit there and remind himself constantly what year it was, what was happening, where Tim likely was, and that this was all some horrible effect of overconsumption.
Probably. He was still halfway convinced this was the long-term delusion of the original Elias Bouchard. That thought would send another wave of painful chill through his body and he would have to once again ground himself with memories from centuries before. Those memories would then lead him to have to remind himself the year, what was happening, and the cycle would repeat.
He wasn’t sure how long he laid there, but it felt like a long time before Tim returned with another bottle of water and several packets of what looked like black pepper.
“Look I know it’s kind of a moot point on the actual science behind it, but I’ve heard people swear by black pepper calming them from a bad high.”
Elias did his best to sit himself up, his eyes locked on Tim as he walked back to the chaise and extended his hand. Elias carefully took the packets but continued to keep his eyes on Tim.
“What am I supposed to do with it?”
Tim laughed, and Elias found himself liking the way Tim laughed.
“Smell it, eat it if you can stomach it. Might be placebo but hey, why not give it a shot?”
Elias looked at the packets of black pepper in his hand and felt a little ridiculous opening one and putting his nose to it. It wasn’t enough to make him sneeze, and perhaps Tim was right about it being a placebo, but he did feel a bit calmer.
“I definitely don’t feel worse,” Elias said with a shrug, but not going to eat that.
“Hopefully it’ll start calming down soon, I know it’s probably hard to think about food right now, but you’d probably do your body some good if you ate something bo– Elias,” Tim said.
Elias knew he was right, and he really wanted to stop tasting stomach bile.
“You said you got some chips?”
Tim nodded, almost enthusiastically. Elias felt like he was finally stable enough to stand up, like the thoughts plaguing his mind for finally quieting down. He stood up, Tim nearly ran by him to ensure he was steady.
“Sorry, I just didn’t want you to fall,” Tim said, his grip firm around Elias’ arms. Still nice and grounding.
“I should be alright. I can clean up here. I need to brush my teeth, but I can meet you in the breakroom?”
Tim stayed holding onto him as he seemed to think it over.
“If you’re sure you’re alright.”
“I’m fine,” Elias responded confidently. He’d feel far too strange asking Tim to walk with him to the bathroom, especially with how uncharacteristically genuine he was already being.
Tim agreed and let him go, making his way back out to the breakroom and leaving Elias alone again.
Having a task to stay on was helpful now that the room had stopped spinning. Elias easily replaced the trash bag and grabbed the toothbrush and toothpaste from his desk that he kept for after lunch. He took the trash to the main trashcan and the hall and brushed his teeth in the bathroom.
He was careful to avoid looking at himself too much, not wanting to trigger another slew of identity struggles. He did however notice that he looked rather disheveled, his hair all over the place, his eyes were red, and his clothes were wrinkled. He took an additional moment after finishing brushing his teeth to do what he could with his hair and press his clothes down with his hands.
He didn’t look much better, and he didn’t look like Jonah Magnus. But the original Elias Bouchard had brown eyes.
But he shook his head, and tried to let his returning appetite guide him out of the bathroom, away from the mirror, and to the chips Tim had ordered him.
The smell hit his nose as soon as he walked into the breakroom. Tim was sitting at the table with both styrofoam boxes open. Elias looked at the plain chips and immediately felt a slight pang in his stomach from hunger.
“That– looks good,” Elias admitted, grabbing vinegar from one of the cabinets.
Tim stood up to get ketchup from the refrigerator.
“You look a bit better,” Tim pointed out, and Elias nodded, standing over him for a moment.
“Thank you,” he said, extending his hand to squeeze Tim’s shoulder, wanting a bit more time of shared touch.
Tim looked down and smiled.
Elias was certain it was the effects of the brownie, and not that Tim looked rather nice as they both leaned in.
The kiss was brief but soft. Tim’s pressure was light and Elias didn’t push. They stared there for a moment before Elias finally pulled them apart.
“No problem, Elias,” Tim said, his smile changing from warm to his usual cocky grin. “Now, can we eat?”
Elias laughed as he heard his stomach make a loud noise.
“Please.”