Chapter Text
she follows the office lady into the class, resisting the urge to run. atleast mama isnt here, like the first time they moved. mama said theyre settling down here. she cant get expelled again, she just gets so angry. everything makes her angry, she always acts on it. then regrets it, hard. she doesnt even like being angry!
"would you like to introduce yourself?" the teacher asks condescendingly, like she's asked it before. has she? way to fuck things up on your first day, jane! "yeah" she mumbles, picking at the seem of her sleeves. "im jane.. i uh... i like baking?" a girl in the back of the class with light brown hair mutters "are you sure?" she glances to the teacher, who doesnt seem to notice.
she walks over to an empty desk, theres a boy in the desk next to her. "whats the teachers name?" she whispers, tapping his shoulder. "mrs paine." he answers. "thanks.." she sinks back into her seat. watching the clock tick back and forth. how is it only 8:45? shes going to be dead by the end of the day. mrs paine talks so slowly, going over each part atleast 3 times. she taps her fingers on the edge of the desk, how do people just do this?
a note hits her hand left hand gently. she swallows the curious noise she wants to make, unfolding the peice of paper, careful not to make a sound. 'do you want to sit with me and my friends at lunch?' theres a badly drawn winky face next to the message. 'p.s what class do you have next?' she reaches into her pocket, pulling out the wrinkled peice of paper. she writes 'yes' and 'english' on the note. leaning forwards to give it to the boy. she shouldve asked his name, he knows her name. she cant tell if hes being genuine or not. theres something different about his face she cant quite place it. hes not ugly, hes goodlooking. well not really, not to mom or her aunt or anyone normal, but.. hes cute to her.
there's a smack on her desk, she blinks. turning her focus away from her thoughts. mrs paine is standing infront of her. "care to share with the class?" mrs paine scowls, picking up the note. "thats not really a question, is it?" she huff under her breath. why not just say 'im going to read this as punishment for not listening to the worlds least interesting lesson'? "what did you just say?" mrs paine scoffs. she glares up at her, she looks 20 years past retiring age. "thats not really a question, is it?" she says it slowly, like mrs paines stupid. stupid people shouldnt be teachers, even though she doesnt know if mrs paines stupid yet because shes known her for about 15 minutes. "thats a detention." mrs paine scowls. "for what?!" she says, unintentionally raising her voice. "for talking back." for talking back, whats she supposed to do? sit there like a dog? "isnt that how a conversation works?" she says smugly. "go to the princible office, now young lady." mrs paine growls. shes an idiot. she is the stupidest person to walk this earth, shes supposed to not get expelled. she bites her stupid tongue, instead of saying anything. already got one teacher to hate her!
she glances back at the boy, he waves shyly. she steps out of the room. where is the princibles office? she takes a deep breath, stepping back towards the door. the metal of the door handle is cold against her hand, she could just wander around, dawdling till she found it. or she could ask for an 'escort' (hopefully) have mrs paine ask for volunteers, and have the boy volunteer. shell get in more touble if shes wandering anyways. she takes another breath, through her mouth this time. the door is heavy, and it creaks like its on its deathbed. "i uh dont the know the way.." she mutters. mrs paine sighs deeply. "daisy, can you show jane to the princibles office since youre already getting friendly?" oh yeah! this was the best idea shes ever had. "its dustin.." the boy mutters under his breath, mrs paines frown deepens but she doesnt reply.
they walk in silence for a bit. "is it daisy or dustin..?" she asks nervously. it seemed like a sensitive topic. "dustin, im a boy." dustin says defensively, like hes got something to prove. the tone of irks her. "i never said you werent." she mutters in the same tone. dustin sticks up like a pin at that, fully stopping his walk in shock? or something like that. she chuckles, feeling a slight flush hit her cheeks. hes kind of cute. "you think im a boy?" he asks sheepishly. "...yeah..?" she cant help but be confused, whys he so... pressed about it? dustin shakes his head, like hes pretending not to care. its weird because he was just exstatic about it, and now hes not. "people at this school spread crazy rumors.." dustin mutters, crazy rumors? "like?" she asks, glancing to look at him. he looks really nervous. "i cant think of one off of the top of my head." dustin mutters, it feels like hes lying. it feels like hes making it up to justify something that people say about him. maybe its true, she prefers that idea. that hes not a liar and people, preferably bad people, make up mean lies. well if youre making up lies are you a good person?
"if my friends like your company would you like to go the arcade after school?" dustin asks quietly. she sighs, fucking dad. the onyl way shes similar to him is the worst way. fucking anger issues. "thats a big decision, ill decide after lunch.." she lies, she cant tell this guy who wants to be her friend that shes got anger issues. and been expelled from 3 schools. the first move was for a fresh start away from 'dad'. hes dead to her. "whats wrong..?" dustin asks, hes stepped a bit away. "huh?-" she takes few a deep breaths, 3 in 4 out repeat until its manageable. "you were just clenching your fists real hard." dustin mutters. whats the point in lying? she sucks at lying, like so bad a toddler could see through her words. "i was thinking about my dad." she starts. dustin sighs. "whats he like?" he says the question solemnly, like he expects a bad answer. "anger issues, kind of guy that would hit my mom if it was legal, treated me—us—like experiements instead of people." she sighs. "cant hang out because of his stupid anger issues." she glances to dustin, he seems confused. "its geneict." he makes this 'ah' of understanding. she forces herself to stop looking at him, her hands are warm and sweaty. "you said us, do you have siblings?" he asks. "no, its just me, my mom, and my aunt." she pauses her steps, theyre standing right infront of the princibles office. "bye." she mutters, waving to him as she opens the door.
the office smells like bad colongue, it fills her nose like toxic gas. she fights the urge to cough, clearing her throat as quietly as possible. the room is bright, theres a deck in the middle with a name placard that says princible higgins, a plant, and few pencils and pens in a mug. the room is pretty lackluster. "sit." princible higgins is trying to come across as freindly. she sits at the chair across from him. "mrs paine said she felt incredibly disrespected by your actions." he starts, staring at her way to intently. she averts her gaze from its usual spot on his nose. "cause its your first day, and because of your supposed c-ptsd" princible higgins does air quotes on the 'ptsd' like someone lied to him. she has that, she wouldnt be diagnosed by a doctor if she didnt have that? obivously. "if you handwrite an apology letter to her, detailing why your sorry, ill let you off the hook." she blinks, what? let her off the hook, for writing one letter? "like... no detentions, or punishments, at all?" she asks, trying to hide her surprise. "dont make me take it back." prinicbe higgins scowls. "give the letter to her by the end of the school week and all is forgiven." she nods. "i can do that, thank you." princible higgins nods of aproval. "you can go back to class now." she sits up, pushing the chair in quickly. she speedwalks to the door, making sure to shut it gently behind her.
"that was quick." dustins leaning against the wall, why is he here? "shouldnt you be in class..?" she asks dustins small smile falls. "i thought you wouldnt know the way back." he mutters, he seems angry, or dispointed, something negative? "i didnt mean it in the fuck off way." she grumbles. "i meant it in the wont you get in trouble for being out of class for too long way." she clarifies, its annoying. this is annoying. everyone is stupid. maybe dustins not stupid, they just dont know eachother yet. "oh, she prefers it when im gone, anyway." dustin sighs. "why?" he seems so nice? not seems he is! he mightve gotten himself in trouble so she didnt get lost. "forget i said anything." dustin mutters. "okay." she wants to press further, that just gets people mad. she doesnt want to get him mad and fuck up a friendship she hasnt formed yet, so she'll just say okay. "i have english next period too." dustin says, perking up a bit. "are you good at it..?" she asks, please dont be. dont be expceptional at it either. "im not the best but im not the worst" dustin shrugs. "im really bad at it." she mutters, dustin snickers. "how bad? like struggles to write 100 words bad or middle of the road?" she sighs, she can write more than a hundred with a bit a of stuggle. its just incoherent and the punctuation is all over the place. "struggles to write a hundred words i guess."
the bell rings overhead, its too loud, its not inhumanely loud, just too loud. dustin doesnt react to it at all. at least its not shake it off like at one of the schools shes been to. "guess we should get to english." she mutters, looking to dustin. he doesnt start to walk, its like he expects her to know where to go. "the english teachers really nice." dustin says starting to walk. she walks beside him, she looks at his shoes and matches the exact pattern of his steps. "yeah?" she says, sometimes not having to ask questions to ask questions is nice. other times its infuriating. dustin sighs. "my 'real name' is daisy, but its too girly for me, ya'know?" she shrugs "not really, im guessin' dustins just a nickname?" she asks he nods, theres something else going on. hes hunched over slightly, hes breathing heavy, not like panting or actually heavy, just a bit to heavy for walking around school; like somethings constricting his breathing.
they get to a room with a lamitated 'kindness' sign above the door. dustin thinks this teacher is nice, maybe she is. maybe she actually does stuff about bullying, wouldnt that be nice? then jane wouldnt have to take it into her own hands. "most of the people in this class just mind their own business too." he says as he opens the door. "ladies first." he says 'politely' she snickers, its not the 1840s he doesnt have to this. "how old are you? 57?" she jokes stepping inside the classroom. he probably shouldve entered first so she could follow him to his desk. "im just being polite." he scoffs elbowing her side. she flinches way way too hard. "sorry.." dustin says almost instantaneously. "its fine." she mutters, bloody dad.
he sighs "didnt you say your dad didnt hit your mom?" dustin asks, she can tell hes taken the 'and you' off of the end of the sentence. "i said it wrong, he uh... wouldve hit us more if it were legal." she mumbles staring down at the grey matieral of the table. its speckled with white, and its cold. "almost everyone in the party has dad problems." dustin chuckles nervously. "the party..?" she asks, parties are a thing you go to. shes never been invited to one, but parties arent a group of people, are they? "in dnd the group of people you play with is called your party, me, will, lucas, and mike called ourselves that when we were kids and it just stuck, max is apart of the party now too, has been for a bit actually." dustin explains, shes made friends with a nerd. thats not a bad thing, if she doesnt get too close. nerd get bullied, and seeing people she likes get bullied is gonna get her expelled. she cant just stand there and watch, teachers dont ever help, she always has to take it into her own hands. "whats dnd?" she asks dustins face lights up like hes just won the lottery.
he opens his mouth to speak "ahem!-" the teacher starts. "ill tell yyou about it later." dustin mutters disapointedly. "its a new class, and its your first day of junior year, so were doing ice breakers." the teacher says cheerfully. "im gonna call out attendance, and youre going to your name, pronouns, and one fun fact about yourself." pronouns? she glances to dustin, who smiles back. mouthing 'i told you she was nice' she nods in agreement. she can hear the boys in the front of the room making remarks about how pronouns are weird. theyre stupid anyways, going to school just to work at maccas till they die. "ill start, im mrs smith" she says beforestrting to go through the attendance, a boy named felix says he doesnt have pronouns, even though he uses a pronoun in that sentence. sure its a pretty rural town, but surely no ones that stupid? "dustin" the teacher calls. dustin stands up at his desk. "my names dustin, my pronouns are he/him, and my favourite movie is star wars: a new hope" he sits down after that. "whats your last name..?" she whispers to dustin. "henderson" he answers. shes soon then. "mines ives." she mutters nervously, the edge of the table digs into the palm of her hand.
"jane." mrs smith calls out, she takes a breath. standing up like dustin did. did anybody else stand up? "im jane, uh.. she/they.. i like to rollarblade.. i guess." she shouldnt use the same funfact she used for math can she? she sits down, sighing. what is she doing? its hawkins, shes practically handing herself to the bullies. shouldve just lied and said she/her. but mom would hate that, 'you have to be true to yourself always. even if the harder path.' or whatever. mrs smith moves on through the attendance. dustin slides a note over. 'you rollarblade??' she shrugs subconsoisly, writing 'not really, im not very good' cause i dont practice at all, for some reason. it is exhilerating, espeically going down hill. dustin slide the note back to her. 'max skates' is all thats written.
"i want you guys to write anything about your child hood." mrs smith says loudly, her voice booms across the room. "a poem, an essay, whatever you want, just write something about when you were a kid." she taps her fingers on the desk, what can she write about that isnt terrible? good memorys dont stick aswell as bad ones. she stares at the blank peice of paper infront of her, tapping her fingers on the desk. "what are you gonna write about?" mrs smith asks, crouching down infront of the table. "my dog,, i guess." she mutters, tapping the led of the pencil on the edge of the paper. "whats your dogs name?" mrs smith asks. shes trying to help, whatever, shes been hopeless at english for years. it just doesnt make sense to her, no matter what. "bella, shes a mutt." she states, just go away, youre not helping. mrs paine reaches out to touch her right hand, tracing over the faded lines of the scar. "why dont you write about when this happened?" she pulls her hand back. "no." mrs smith says nothing as she walks away.
she cant remember much of it anyways, its clear as day but also fuzzy? she cant remember what exactly happened, a cat bit her, dad yelling the entire car ride, she remembers that. nothing of what it felt like physically. its that same horrible stressed feeling, where it feels like everything is happening at once.
a hand touches her arm gently. "hey, are you okay..?" its dustin. she blinks, taking a shaky breath. "yeah." the words feel hollow in her mouth, probably sound it too. she glances to dustin quickly, he looks sceptical, but doesnt say anything else. she sighs, bouncing her leg under the desk. she needs to go for a walk. she wants to write something on it, but like... she has nothing to write. nothing good anyways. whats she gonna write about? dad? listening to screaming matches? getting a dog at 14, only for that dog to get fear aggression? she feels to the tears to start to prick, its fine youre fine, youre great! 3 in 4 out, repeat till you look as fine as (you dont) feel.