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It has become harder and harder to breathe. However big his lungs are, they definitely started to tear, breaking, reaching their limits. He would like to believe a tiny crush was the suspect behind it all, yet the more conscious, smarter part of him knew the real reason.
See, when Foolish thinks that he can drown in the purple eyes in front, he doesn’t mean literally.
What are we?
They are neighbours now. Thanks to Vegetta, with constructing the lovely ‘humble’ house that became a home to many, the Totem of Undying is closer than before to his undying inspiration, his undying love.
Do you still feel the same?
It is tough to say whether the feelings changed or not, after all it has been years. And if Foolish focuses too much on the past, something deep in him, something cold, might burn him from the inside. His motto has always been to live in the present, what happens might as well happen, even though the former demigod wants to believe in the future alongside his friends, dare he say, family and one particular object of his interest.
Is it already lost?
However bored he was, almost all of it disappeared after the death of the Estupido, the second in command plus plus or in other words - Vegetta’s dog. Now, there must not be any confusion, if not for the rank he would not have cared for the dog. And if not for Juan he would not have agreed with Tubbo on the plan. But most importantly, if it weren’t for how far he and Vegetta now were, Foolish would not have wanted the rank. Or be better than Juan and the stupid, quite literally, dog. At the end of the day, he was the only one to blame, he could accept that.
Is it still you and me?
He should have known that one way or the other, his and Tubbo's plan would escalate and turn into something bloody. Still, Foolish has no regrets in putting his Dragon as a sacrifice instead of the Mansion. It is a communal build, after all, it holds more value than some shell for a drug laboratory. Don’t get him wrong, he is incredibly happy that none of them were subjected to any serious damage, except for a few missing blocks. Truly a nothing compared to what could have been. And of course, he won’t tell Vegetta that the Dragon could have been a target instead of Mansion, he just doesn’t feel like explaining. They are fine now, so what’s the point?
Technically, they lost. But, if he knew all that was about to happen after he decided to kill Estupido, there would have been only a few reasons for him not to go that route. First and foremost, his relations with everybody became more tense, especially with Aldo at first (despite the potions and gapples). Sure, they are all good now, but Foolish doesn’t feel like testing the general’s patience. Secondly, it was quite a scare to see all the Regime near his Dragon. But what truly outweighs all of it is how he became so far from Vegetta.
Yes, they talk normally, yes, they laugh and all of that. And Foolish would help whenever he can. But now he is not as important in rank, and therefore to the King of the North. Does he even know that it was Foolish, who named them? Does he even understand why Foolish wants the higher rank?
“So your goal is to go to Vegetta and?..”
“I think right under is the goal”.
“So you don’t wanna be a leader?”
“Not like the leader-leader. I want to be second in command”.
See, Foolish told Fariis the absolute truth: he doesn’t want to be at the top, it’s Vegetta’s role and place. He just wants to be right after him. Close enough to be the first one to hear his thoughts, close enough to be the one to comfort in need, close enough that he would be important again.
“I like you”.
Sometimes, when the days would get lonely and when the amethyst dragon would reflect too much light to the point of glowing, and when no song could cheer him the same, Foolish would wish to be bolder. If only he could ask the right questions without worrying that they can lead to disappointment. They are done, though, right? He is pretty sure of that. But then what are all these phrases and sweet words? Are they just flirty banter between friends?
He might actually start to suffocate from all of this, it makes him sick like nothing, not even nether could. He will give Vegetta his space, won’t be so overbearing, won’t cause a scene and won’t be obnoxious, just for the man to find him on the first day and ask to live together. Are they actually exes or is he being played with?
Foolish wants to break this line of thought. Vegetta is kind, sweet, smart and strong. He is not cruel, definitely not towards Foolish and what's important to him.
“Did you mean it?”
The next day, for a couple of stacks of sandstone, a stack and a half of glowstone and some leather, Foolish is promoted. Just above Sappoter, but nonetheless. See, he is so ecstatic and overjoyed that the words came out of nowhere. Maybe the thoughts from the late night were the cause, one way or another - the question is in the air and Vegetta, sweet Vegetta, who gave him more space, more room, is looking at him quizzically.
“What?”
“During the talk with Tubbo”, “When I said that I like your hat- sombrero. You said you like me”.
“Si, I like you very much. ”
“Thank you.” In his mouth is like a Sahara: hard to breathe and hard to swallow the nerves. Is he actually sweating, or is it just a hot, sunny day? “But did you mean it?”
“Si? You are very handsome and strong and-”
“Yes yes, bu-ut”, he hates interrupting Vegetta, but unless they have a nice cold pool, Foolish might genuinely get a heat stroke. “Like… friends? Amigas?”
“Oh!” Looks like Vegetta is taken aback by a question, and even slightly flustered. It gives some hope, however fragile, to Foolish’s heart. Maybe, for the first time in weeks, he might breathe freely. Maybe, it can all go back to the way it was before, all these years ago - but maybe even better. Oh, how he wishes to hear the response that would set his heart ablaze and at the same time give him air and ease.
Yet, Vegetta is hesitant. He is now looking slightly down, thinking on his words and with that sinks Foolish’s heart.
“Ah, like special friends, do you understand?” The Northern King smiles slightly and tries to reach for the Totem’s shoulder, but Foolish takes a step back. He wants to run. He got his answer. Maybe, the dessert would be a better place for him afterall.
“But just friends?” Everything is burning. The same kind like when he was left alone to die in that god-forsaken red room.
“No, Foolish, I…” Vegetta on the other hand is taking a step forward, still helplessly trying to reach him. Unfortunately, the shark knows that just a simple touch would be enough for him to stop and agree with whatever the other got to say. And he is tired, so so tired, that for a second he just wants to get it all over with. To break his own heart quickly.
“It is okay, I understand”, Foolish truly does. Worst of all, he would let himself get burnt and broken if it meant Vegetta would be happy.
“Foolish-”.
“Honestly, it’s fine, Vegetta”. He wants to run, preferably to somewhere far and deserted, somewhere where he can let his heart break without witnesses. For now, though, he smiles, hopefully reassuringly, so that Vegetta would let him leave in peace. However, that only makes the other frown and Foolish wants die.
“Foolish…” The King is now holding his wrist and the Totem has no power in him to even try to break free. Actually, he may want to stay like this forever.
Vegetta looks in his eyes and, seeing something there, changes the expression to the sympathetic one. Foolish doesn't want sympathy, he wants the other closer to him.
“You are very important to me”, ouch, that one hits directly into his heart. The hope must die, but Vegetta’s eyes rebirth it yet again and again. “I can’t let you go”.
“Not leaving”, what a liar. He will bolt the moment he remembers that something that once was will never happen again. But if called, he will be right back. What an agony.
The purple eyes are magnetising, making Foolish stay in place and try to remember how to breathe. It is hard, especially with a warm breath at his neck. Well, he might as well lower his head. And if asked, Foolish would say that he genuinely didn't notice how close he and Vegetta got, even when he lined their eyes to the same level, even when Vegetta got up slightly on his tiptoes. Even when the beautiful eyes fluttered and the breath got irregular. Even when Vegetta was the one to move forward.
Like the return home, like the dive in a cold ocean after years of stranding in the desert, like the one true love that is finally here - Foolish is gone and there is no coming back. If a single kiss can make his knees weak and head cloudy and heart beat as if he is in a marathon, then he wishes to die the moment they separate. Vegetta was truly an amazing man. And Foolish wants to rediscover all of it again.
His lips are warm and soft, his strong hands keep the Totem steady and his chest is pressed closer than it would be considered innocent. However saddened and worried Foolish felt just a fraction ago, it all went straight to hell and his thoughts to the cloudy, soft and silky future.
In eternity later, Vegetta pulls away slightly, breaking the sudden kiss and it is as if a bucket of ice was dropped on his head. Foolish has only a second to open his eyes - and what a view to keep in his mind forever, an absolutely breathtaking, out of breath and more than slightly red Vegetta with iris so wide that his eyes are now a darker shade of purple, just like a purpurite, and his lips red and swollen, - with an apology on this tongue and readiness to move away, only to be swept in in another kiss. And then again and again till the lack of oxygen starts to become noticeable. Still, he won’t complain: it just makes him all tingly, there is no harm in that.
“Mi Foolich”, the whisper like a prayer, sacred and sweet. It is just like all these years before yet somehow with a bitter end to it, like something new. Foolish decides that he likes it anyway. He puts arms on the King’s shoulders and hugs him. Strong hands, in return, hold him even closer and the Totem might feel how his eyes get blurry and something warm settles in his chest. “Oh, my love…”
“Lo siento”, he can’t pin-point for what exactly is this apology, might as well be for everything, every wrong thing he has done. “Lo siento, mi amor.”
“No, Foolish-”, Vegetta holds him tighter, worry clear in his voice. And with worry, Foolish can hear a tone of tiredness. Which only makes him feel worse. What is he even doing? He wasn’t supposed to bring back past emotions and desires, they are two separate people now. Something warm is on his cheek and it’s far too late to catch himself, so Foolish burrows in Vegetta’s shoulder. Fuck all that.
“I missed you”.
It is said not with intention to accuse, but to explain himself, share the bit that holds pain. Now, he is not quite sure whether he means: the years after they separated or the year when he waited or now - when they are not too far and yet not as close as before. To himself, Foolish would admit that he needed the first, never blamed for the second but is dying because of the last. Everybody asks him about the past, but that is the only thing that he would change in the present.
“I’m sorry”, the King’s hand gently threads through the Totem’s hair, trying to calm him. Even though Foolish isn’t sure what exactly the apology is for, he will take it. Hell, he will take anything and everything Vegetta will give him. “Foolish-”
“I miss her, Vegetta”.
However bright the stars shined, they would never compare to her. Foolish would tell everybody who asked that the Dragon wasn’t a dedication, but only him and Vegetta knew the truth. Only they knew why Vegetta would have a house full of children and Foolish would keep only Roier. Only they knew why it was hard to be so close to each other. She was forever theirs and they couldn’t bear to be together without her. Unfortunately, the greedier side in Foolish would tell him that the loneliness won’t be an option. That the only one who could truly heal an undying being is the one who now was slowly stroking his head and putting small kisses on his cheek and temple. Foolish missed this.
“Yo también, Foolish”.
Perhaps, Vegetta missed it too.
Perhaps, the only one, at least for now, who would be the witness of the reunion would be the Dragon. The Dragon, near which, despite basalt and blacksand, would grow a single pink tulip. And only stars would be able to tell what might happen next. Truly, predestined.