Chapter Text
I don’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz,
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom but carries
the light of those flowers, hidden, within itself,
and thanks to your love the tight aroma that arose
from the earth lives dimly in my body.
——
To him, the weary creak of the chain link gate rings louder than any blaring klaxon signaling the presence of an intruder after pool hours.
Takumi winced as it groaned through the entirety of him passing through and closing behind him. The worry is only somewhat unfounded— he was promised at least an hour alone in the pool and it wasn’t as though he was here to do anything untoward, or inappropriate or any other kind of reasons security might’ve conjured for this very moment. He was just here to swim.
Well, swimming was the distraction. It was the catalyst for the tumult of emotions he had endured up until this very moment. He was swimming in hopes that some of those persistent concerns would leak out of his ears and into the water like little amoebas, too small to see.
The water would prove to be a good place to immerse himself– both physically and mentally– from the singular thought plaguing his mind.
With a silent breath Takumi approached the pool.
Familiar chlorine and wet concrete scent came upon him gradually, instantly transporting him to his halcyon days of high school. His coach would be barking instructions from his flimsy folded chair while his classmates splashed aimlessly about. From across the water Takumi could almost envision a younger Gaku cupping his hands around his mouth, shouting either some form of encouragement or expletive depending if the coach was nearby. Sitting against the fence with her knees pressed to her chest, Nozomi would smile knowingly at him.
Takumi shook himself free of the memories, abandoning his sandals in favor of padding barefoot to the edge of the pool.
It was mid-evening now, with the sun warming his right side and casting bright glares to his warbling reflection in the water. He reached down to touch the surface, little eddies of light circling his fingertips. It was briskly cool to the touch, just how he liked it.
Takumi dumped his duffel bag on the floor and shrugged off his shirt, giving his legs a brief stretch as he had done before.
He missed swimming. He really missed swimming, now that the chemical cleaning scent and cool breeze had sunk into his skin. There was a time when he was here nearly every day, practicing his breaststrokes or just allowing his head to bob above the surface while the rest of him floated mid-way. He wasn’t a professional by any means, nor did he ever consider swimming professionally. It was just something he enjoyed, something that took his misguided focus and fueled it into concentration.
It had been nice, but these days his focus was aimed on his fledgling band.
The transition from swimming to full-time vocalist had been oddly straightforward, ever since his closest friends had confided that they were ready to finally take that step into becoming a band. The stars were aligned in such a way that it seemed only fitting for him to take that leap with them and since then he had not looked back, not reflected on anything else up until now.
He didn’t regret it, either. Forming Hundredth Line had been one of his goals since graduating high school and while their reputation hadn’t quite taken off just yet they had just landed and played a big gig which left him and his band mates reeling for days. The rush of anticipation and relief from that night had coursed through him long after the venue had closed. It lingered like static on his fingertips— tingling long after.
Through it all Takumi was fixated on two things.
One was the many faces of the audience– sweaty, screaming faces of strangers who had picked up on their music through word of mouth here or there and ended up singing alongside him. Takumi would never forget the feeling, even if they never booked another concert in their lives. It would stay with him like every other memorable experience in his short life.
The second thing was a slender figure on the edge of his periphery, always a shadow dancing in the corner of his vision but never entirely within reach.
It was wrapped in black leather, sometimes suede and studded with silver trinkets. Armed with a sleek bass guitar it undulated its hips entirely too inappropriately during his verses and blew kisses to already screeching fans clamoring for its attention. It watched him, sometimes, a single electric blue eye amongst a throng of hot pink lights and strobes.
Takumi had tried, quite valiantly, not to fixate on his band mate Omokage Yugamu.
He was doing an incredibly crappy job at it so far. He was doing so bad in fact, that he was certain at some point during their time together that he had unexpectedly and inadvertently fallen in love with him. You honestly couldn’t get any worse at it than that.
He smeared a hand across his eyes.
How and why it happened was lost to him. Takumi vividly remembered the moment he had sworn off relationships, inebriated as he was, with V'ehxness’s guttural roars blasting in his ears.
It was hard to forget a moment that poignant, that momentous. He’d just deleted Aotsuki’s number from his contact list and Gaku had just vomited into the grimy trash bin beneath their seats. The sharp twist of pain in his chest was unwanted but painfully familiar, even if his and Nozomi’s break up had been far more amiable than Aotsuki’s. It still stung all the same. He was done with love— and wouldn’t give anyone else a second glance until his band made it big, until they all reached those climbing echelons together.
So where did it go astray?
Strange was it was to think, it really must have been Yugamu’s potent personality. From day one the blue-haired man had made it clear that Takumi was a perfect target for teasing and Takumi, being the oblivious fool that he was, had been particularly susceptible to it. Never mind that Yugamu flirted with nearly everyone (Gaku, Tsubasa, Aotsuki, Nozomi, the librarian–), never mind that Yugamu’s type of flirting typically involved discussing viscera or some kind of bloody procedure. To Takumi it had been… substantial. Different. Exhausting. Terrifying. Incorrigible.
It had worked on him, somehow, someway.
Takumi found himself warming at Yugamu’s compliments, found himself wired with energy when Yugamu matched his pace during practice. It was easier to accept the morbid declarations of affection, and perhaps Takumi imagined the glint in Yugamu’s eye when their banter turned playful, almost teasing. Whatever the method, Takumi was receptive to those glances, that occasional lean of a chin or promise of a massage. Lately, he was weak for them.
That’s how it was, as their time together passed.
With Yugamu strumming at his left side, Tsubasa wailing on her drums behind him, and Aotsuki on his right (Aotsuki had appeared before him a mere few weeks after their break-up, blithely attesting that he really did want the band to succeed, and if that was going to happen, he would need to remain their lead guitarist. Takumi had only rolled his eyes and handed him the score) it truly felt as though Hundredth Line would become something genuine, something new wrought by their hands. The last thing he wanted to do was ruin it all with his persistent crush.
So he toiled away. He worked well into the night, whether it was at his part-time job or on lyrics for their new set. He kept partying to a minimum, only really seeing most of his group of friends during birthday parties or celebratory dinners. He slept late and woke early, collaborated with Gaku (who had become their social media manager at some point) and texted throughout the day. He was living a perfectly normal, albeit somewhat lonely life. It suited him, in most ways.
And yet despite that routine his thoughts returned to Yugamu each time.
They were fairly innocent at first– small contemplations of what the other man did in his free time, how he spent his days asides from making music and attending medical school. At Yugamu’s behest he visited his place a handful of times and filed away each small detail into his memory, from the disturbing vials of glowing green liquid in his fridge to the giant hairy tarantula named Alice residing in his bedroom. Takumi had been vastly intimidated by her at first, but upon observing the iridescent cobalt blue hairs along her legs and thorax he deemed her scary but beautiful.
Kind of like you, Takumi mused out loud, and instantly regretted, almost instantaneously wishing he were dead.
He dared not look in Yugamu’s direction as he attempted to beat a hasty retreat after, his vision wavering back and forth like a boat caught between tides. He had looked over his shoulder after reaching the threshold of Yugamu’s apartment, blurting out some kind of jumble of words in a seeyoulaterokaybye sort of breath.
But he had seen it then, for a brief second— Yugamu’s face red and glowing, eye slightly widened in what Takumi could only describe as fascination. His hand was hovering in a semblance of a wave yet remained unmoving, as though flinching a single finger would make Takumi disappear forever.
See you, Yugamu had mumbled in a voice so quiet Takumi was certain his heart would burst out of his chest right then and there. He ambled into the city afterwards for hours, directionless, to ensure that didn’t happen.
The thoughts had definitely gotten worse after that.
In the midst of his writing he often found himself thinking of Yugamu and struggled not to put his wayward dreams into paper. Because of this his lyrics sometimes came out stagnant, a little mechanical, and more than once he endured Gaku’s berating over speaker phone after sending him the drafts.
You gotta put some more feeling into these verses, man, his friend of several years would drawl. It’s like, you’re going somewhere with this but you’re afraid to put a name to it. They’re good, it has a good beat, but your heart isn’t in these at all!
Takumi, head half buried in his hand at the time, had looked over to where Yugamu and Nozomi sat several feet away. Nozomi was talking quietly of other things and Yugamu was contently tuning his guitar as he listened. His eye flickered once to Takumi, as though sensing being watched. Instead of confusion, his smile softened ever so slightly.
I know, Takumi had replied.
He wasn’t sure if there was a specific time when those thoughts finally came to a head and materialize into something else. All he knew was that he was suddenly dreaming of himself and Yugamu together. Some dreams consisted of a huge stadium with him and Yugamu screaming their throats raw into a shared mic. Some consisted of warped colors and shapes passing by them while they looked at each other for an untold amount of time before the dream dissolved into nothingness. The dreams were beyond embarrassing, completely cheesy, and left him with a small heartache each time he woke.
More recently, the dreams took on a more... direct topic.
Once again, Takumi couldn’t gather the where’s or what’s of the dream itself-- all he knew was that he and Yugamu were in a dark, secluded place together, with music echoing somewhere in the distance. He thought they’ve might’ve been under some bleachers. He wasn’t sure.
What he was sure of was the fact that he was on his knees, his hand slowly riding up Yugamu’s shirt, revealing a glittering piercing at his bellybutton. Whether or not that piercing existed in real-life was still a mystery to him, but that did not stop dream him from tugging on it gently between his teeth, eliciting a jolt and a pleased gasp from Yugamu above him. He remembered a flood of arousal spreading throughout his body, a spike in his pulse as his hands fumbled with Yugamu’s fly, eager to pull it down and—
Takumi paused, suddenly all too aware of the heat rising in his face… and other places.
Oh my god. Get in the pool already!
Takumi jumped in, ungracefully, and was gratefully submerged in cold shock.
Water roared past his ears and cradled him in a way he hadn’t felt in ages. He was weightless once more, alone with only his consistent stream of thoughts to keep him company. Takumi stayed beneath the surface in the time it took for a few trickling bubbles to escape past his lips, simply allowing the silence to settle around him. He slowed his wayward conscious and thought of nothing for a few precious seconds before the urge to breathe panged at his chest.
He broke the surface with a gulping breath, goosebumps rising along his skin as cool air touched upon his shoulders. He unstuck the bangs clinging to his brow, combing the strands back as he glanced at his phone he had left on the edge of the pool.
Still plenty of time left...
With that, Takumi secured the goggles he had brought onto his head and dove back into the water.
He began a leisurely swim to the deepest end of the pool, staying beneath the surface, using his entire body to maneuver through the water. This kind of swimming took less focus but it was still something he could project with his limbs, something to do to keep his center upright. He glanced down at the pool floor, watching his shadow follow against the caustic backdrop of the surface’s reflection above. When he finally reached the twelve foot end of the pool he broke the surface once more for air. Not even out of breath, he thought with a small bit of elation.
Alright. Just focus on this for now.
... If only it were so easy.
He started with a series of slow front crawls, from one far end of the pool to the other. Water splashed about his face as he synchronized his breathing with each lunge of his arms and kick of his legs. His mind was, once more, blissfully quiet in the time it took to reach the opposing end of the pool. He touched the gravely edge with a hand, kicked himself off the wall and started all over again.
Eventually, after a while of this, the thoughts came trickling back once more.
It was to be expected, really. He couldn’t go very long without thinking of one of his stressors— whether it was the band, work or the unknown realm of what remained in his future. He would always return to one of them again, worrying his lip all the meanwhile until it stung beneath his teeth. As much as swimming soothed him he knew it was a temporary relief.
In this case, the relief was more short-lived than he anticipated. Between timed breaths and sweeps of his arms his mind once more lingered on the subject of Yugamu and the way he made his heart seize in his chest. If the thoughts were centered on merely that then he could have resolved that knowledge within himself beforehand. If it was only due to his crush then he could have confronted it another way. But in this case it wasn’t merely about his affection for the eccentric man.
It was about what would happen if he didn’t confront that knowledge and what may have already transpired.
Takumi didn’t fault Yugamu for his overly familiar behavior— it was one of the many things he had come to love about him. He did, however, think that Yugamu probably confused quite a bit of people with his words and actions, and had them mistaken for something else on several occasions.
He remembered a time during practice when one of Nozomi’s classmates had been invited to watch them play while they rehearsed a few songs. While she didn’t seem to be among the usual types who would listen to their music she did seem to enjoy herself and even stuck around after to chat with Takumi and the others. However, upon exchanging a few words with Yugamu she was suddenly struck with shyness and clung close to Nozomi for the remainder of the night. He didn’t see her again after that, and after calling Nozomi later on discovered why.
She legitimately thought Yugamu was making a pass at her, Nozomi sighed, somewhat amused. Poor thing just didn’t know how to react. Hopefully she didn’t tell her boyfriend...
Secretly, Takumi couldn’t help but sympathize.
Yugamu was not someone one could easily understand within a day, or even several after, irreducible enigma that he was. When he spoke of love he spoke fervidly, full of passion and longing. He talked of death and happiness as though they went hand in hand, all too aware of the odd looks and stares he would receive. When he spoke of a happily ever after, curled up in a grave alongside his partner, he looked blissful.
It had taken a long while for Takumi to try and understand. A part of him didn’t fully understand still, but another wanted to meet the challenge— to know what it was that Yugamu wanted and what he’d do to finally have it in his grasp. Some had admired Takumi for his natural tenacity in the past, but in the same vein some also resented it.
With his own insecurities and two failed relationships under his belt, he wondered if he was even a good fit for someone like Yugamu.
He wondered if someone else was better suited for him.
The memory was upon Takumi before he could will it away.
It was before their recent gig, after a long series of rehearsals that had them all drained by the end of the day.
Takumi had just finished buying drinks for everyone at the nearest vending machine and was handing them out one by one before taking a seat on the designated workplace couch. Beside him Tsubasa was gratefully downing her iced tea, and on his other side Aotsuki set aside his water, untouched. Across from them Nozomi, Gaku and Yugamu were sipping on their own drinks, engaged in a conversation regarding the big night. Tsubasa had also been talking to Takumi, but in that moment he found it hard to focus.
Hard, because in that brief moment of repose Yugamu had leaned in and whispered something in Gaku’s ear.
Takumi had expected Gaku to erupt in a fit of reactive emotion, maybe even shove him back for getting so close— his friend had always been very animated, even with the smallest things. He had also always been a little wary of the bassist but was slowly warming up to him as everyone else had done. Still, Takumi expected some resistance, some kind of violate reaction.
Instead Gaku flushed a light red and half-heartedly swatted Yugamu in the chest.
He wasn’t sure what kind of emotion cracked in him then. Jealousy, obviously, but something else was also digging in there— wedging itself into the crack in his chest like a lock-pick jammed within a dark crevice. It remained with him long after they had left, long after he had showered and crawled into bed in the dark. It stared back at him at the farthest corner of his room, like a singular black-lined eye.
That something else was defeat.
He was defeated— tired of thinking, tired of wondering. It wasn’t as though he had made his affections known to Yugamu, so why would the other man need to wait? To hold back? He was free to do as he pleased, and if it happened to be with Takumi’s friend then who was he to stop them? No one, that’s who.
No one...
Takumi’s hand scraped the rough wall of the pool and he broke free from the last stroke with another lungful of air. He ran a hand across his face once more, struggling against the stuttering pain in his chest.
There was no other option in his mind. He had to get over it. Now that Hundredth Line was making a few waves they would need to come out with more material, work harder than the day before. He couldn’t let them down now when the response from their fans had been so expressive. He couldn’t let things settle here.
He would have to try and bury these feelings, if only to allow Gaku and Yugamu that happiness he knew all too well. In the stillness Takumi shivered quietly as the sun’s last waning rays cut across the water and thinned into golden beams. The pool lights would turn on soon and he’d have to leave and meet another day.
You’re seriously pathetic, he told himself, chin dipping slightly into the now tepid water.
You never told Yugamu so you have no one to blame but yourself. Do you really want to go through that again? That pain you endured with Eito?
Get it together.
So caught up in the rising commotion of his emotions he nearly missed the jingle coming from where he left his phone. Someone was texting him.
With a heart-heavy sigh, Takumi smoothly cut through the water and went under. He swam downwards, nearing the pool’s floor, close enough to touch it. No one can tell if you’re crying underwater, he thought and resented himself instantly. It was pathetic—he was being pathetic.
No more, Takumi steeled himself, kicking out to propel himself towards the surface.
No more moping! You’re moving on and looking ahead! That’s all you can do now. You’ll make it big with everyone and everyone will get the happy ending they deserve.
It’s all I can do now.
With that aim now fueling his tired legs forward he swam to the edge of the pool, the dusky orange-blue evening sky above him dancing under translucent waves. When he surfaced he did so with a deep gasp, leaning up towards the edge—
—only to find himself inches away from an angular, pale face.
“Ah.” Said Yugamu, smiling around the sound.
Wh—
Takumi’s strength collapsed like an unsteady house of cards. He fell backwards into the pool, shock paralyzing his limbs for a split second. He resurfaced a sputtering mess, water and words falling from his lips.
“Wha—what—Omokage?!”
He ripped his goggles off, wiping his face for a last time before blinking up incredulously at the other man. It wasn’t the trick of the light, or a reaction from water and air or whatever. Yugamu was still there, sure enough, beaming as though he were watching Takumi do a particularly fun trick.
“Sumino.” He chirped happily. “Looks like my sources were right! You really are here...”
Takumi processed the words in his water-logged mind, the visage before him remaining even after another deliberate blink.
In that moment the lights from the pool floor flickered to life, wreathing them both in a teal glow from below.
Yugamu was wrapped in his usual over-sized black cardigan and strapped to his back was his guitar case. His piercings twinkled like little constellations on his face and as usual his eye was heavy lined with mascara and kohl while the other remained hidden behind his signature eye-patch. That singular present eye glinted jovially as it took in the sight of Takumi bobbing in the water like a wayward bottle cap.
He was, as always, too attractive for Takumi to endure in silence for very long.
“Your sources?” He sounded more incredulous than he felt. “Okay. Mind explaining that?”
The chuckle Yugamu gave him in response was throaty, like firewood crackling softly in another room. Takumi felt an odd pang of embarrassment at it.
“I could,” Yugamu finally replied, after a moment. His eye lidded further and the gaze that shown in that crevice was nearly smoldering with the next words. “But you see I’m-- heh-- just a bit distracted... forgive me...or don’t, ehehe!”
Takumi’s brow furrowed in genuine confusion. “Why...”
It dawned on him before the next words could leave his lips.
Yugamu’s stare was grazing lower, lingering at his neck, his clavicle, and eventually to his water-dappled chest. He could see a healthy flush forming against his pale foundation, dusting across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. His lips were parted ever so slightly, in the way that meant he wanted to taste whatever was making his heart race on his tongue. Takumi knew—he recognized this expression whenever Yugamu ordered raw beef liver during outings.
He wondered if he should’ve felt flattered, somehow being on the same level as raw liver. He resisted the urge to cover up his chest with his arms like an blushing maiden and instead lowered his torso slightly into the water.
“Okay, okay.” He grumbled, his own face burning beneath his eyes. “You’ve ogled enough!”
With the spell sufficiently broken Yugamu’s smile widened easily. “Are you sure about that, Sumino? You know I’m capable of more ogling than that.”
“I know you are,” He replied with a sigh. “But you still haven’t answered my question.”
“Ah.” Above him Yugamu paused and his smile dimmed slightly. Takumi tempered himself to wait instead of rushing to brighten that grin again. After a few silent minutes the bassist gave a small, loose shrug.
“I asked around.” The casual tenor in his voice dropped a single octave and were it not for the quiet of the evening blanketing all sounds around them Takumi might have missed it.
“I wanted to see you.”
A painful clench in his chest reminded him, abruptly, of the very reason he had come here to begin with. He forced a ball of pressure down his throat and focused on the water gently lapping at the tiled wall in front of him. How strange it was, to feel so torn in two, to experience opposing sides of a spectrum at the same time. Half of him was happy to hear Yugamu say that, and yet the other wished he would leave.
“Oh.” Was all he could say, despite the contentment existing alongside the pain. He cleared his throat, offering a crooked smile. “You could have just texted me, you know.”
The razor edge of Yugamu’s smile thankfully returned. “Yes, but that would have been entirely too predictable. And seeing the look of shock on your face was so worth the wait...”
Takumi resisted the urge to splash water in Yugamu’s direction and instead gave him a petulant turn of his head.
“Jerk.”
He endured Yugamu’s carefree cackle for a second longer before the other man suddenly quieted.
“As much as I did want to see you...” Yugamu tilted his chin upwards, as if thinking out loud. “I wondered also, if you would be coming to practice. When you didn’t show the others voiced their concerns, so I took it upon myself to look for you.”
The sudden thrust of guilt briefly overshadowed the festering emotions within Takumi then. He nearly sunk completely into the water, if only hide his obvious chagrin from Yugamu. He ran a hand through his wet hair.
“Shit.” He sighed. “I’m so sorry. I completely forgot. Or honestly—this kind of took the priority and I forgot after.”
Still cast in that ghostly glow, Yugamu’s smile softened. “I believe I can trust your judgment enough to know when something should take the priority. Practice was a last minute idea, anyways.”
Takumi shook his head. “No, I shouldn’t be slacking off now. I’ll make it up to you all, I promise.”
Yugamu shrugged and it was nearly loud enough for Takumi to hear.
“If you insist, dear leader.” He grinned again and this time a row of teeth shined in the light. “Admittedly it was rather fun hunting you down-- maybe even exciting, ehehe. Everyone knows they can count on me to sniff you out at a moment’s notice.”
“You better not mean literally.” Takumi huffed, earning another laugh from the bassist. As always, it was painfully effective and rendered Takumi unable to much else besides glower off to the side. They lapsed into a somewhat comfortable yet halting silence—mostly because Takumi was still in the pool, his shoulders catching cold, fingers pruned like raisins.
Say something already. He cleared his throat—only to catch movement from the corner of his eye. Yugamu had shrugged off his case and was now sitting with his legs tucked under him near the edge of the pool, his eye still bright with interest.
“So,” He started conversationally. “To think I would have never known our leader was a good swimmer until I stumbled into him here.” That eye lidded as it contemplated him in the water. “I wonder what else I don’t know about our Sumino-kun? Maybe a thorough investigation is to be had.”
Fresh embarrassment came upon him again, prompting him to wave a hand and a few droplets.
“I just don’t think it ever came up, okay?” Smooth, Sumino. “I just... really like swimming? I swam a lot in high school and a little bit after. It helps me calm down and think.”
Yugamu nodded, his long earring swaying with the motion.
“I can imagine you have a lot to think about these days.” He lifted a clawed hand and counted. “Vocalist by day, your job at night, friend problems, how to style your cowlick in the morning...”
The laughter bubbled up and escaped before Takumi could help it. “Yeah, those aren’t really mind-bending issues to be dealing with.” He tilted his head meaningfully at Yugamu. “You probably have more on your plate these days, right? Medical school on top of the band...”
Yugamu’s grin somehow sharpened. “Careful, leader—lest you jinx yourself and find more things to agonize over. You’ll make us all fuss over you like little hens.”
It was a teasing remark at its basest form, but it still gave Takumi pause. An all too familiar inkling of self-conscious leaked into his tone as he spoke up again.
“Do I agonize over things?” He asked, then tacked on: “Sometimes, I mean.”
Beneath the water he tugged at his fingers where Yugamu couldn’t see. He waited with bated breath as the bassist contemplated the question before smiling
“Not all the time, of course. But you do get this... look, sometimes.” Yugamu’s clawed finger traced the T-zone of his own face. His voice, Takumi found, was painfully kind. “I happen to look at you quite a bit, so I notice.”
His teeth were sinking into his lip before he could berate himself for it. Once again a part of him wanted to rejoice at the comment, while its opposite wanted to dive beneath the surface once more and disappear. A smaller, third part tried to rationalize with him.
Not everything has to be about romance, alright? He’s looking out for you as a friend. He’s worried!
For once, he listened to that small third voice of reason. He offered Yugamu another crooked smile.
“I do have a lot on my mind. But I just don’t think I should burden anyone with those thoughts.” His shoulders rose in a shrug from the water. “Especially since everyone else has stuff going on.”
“Hm,” Was the response from the dark-haired man. Takumi’s eyebrows raised. Anxiety clawed at his chest.
“I mean—” He moved forward, closer to the edge of the pool. “Not that it’s anything serious—”
Yugamu shook his head, effectively silencing Takumi’s incoming word vomit. “But it’s serious enough for a clandestine late night swim?”
He felt oddly wrong-footed, even with no floor under him at all. “Huh?”
“Sumino,” Yugamu chuckled, much to his relief. “None of your friends would feel burdened listening to you in a time of need. You carry everyone else’s baggage all the time, so why shouldn’t it go both ways? You ought to rely on us more, actually.” He allowed a pause to settle between them before striking the final blow.
“You could rely on me.”
Stop it, he thought miserably, once more worrying his lip with his teeth. Stop saying those things that’ll make me fall for you more. There’s no way you’re doing this on purpose, right?
A truly gargantuan sigh passed Takumi’s lips and it was enough to make Yugamu tilt his head questioningly. He was still debating as he lifted a hand and touched the edge of the pool, just near Yugamu’s knees. His brow creased, the seam of his lips trembling for a moment before finally letting out his words in a rush of breath.
“Has there ever been anything really you wanted but couldn’t have?”
Takumi had expected Yugamu to briefly ponder the question, to perhaps give it a second of thought with that ridiculously handsome face of his pinched in pensiveness. What he wasn’t expecting, however, was for Yugamu to suddenly burst into laughter.
“Ahaha!”
Takumi blinked as the other man quickly recovered, his face tinted pink even against the pool’s glow. His cheeky expression reminded Takumi of ancient paintings of kitsune, their snouts full of snarling teeth, lips spread in permanent grins. This must have been what travelers of old felt like, running into the demons at night.
“Sumino-kun, who do you think you’re talking to here?” Yugamu chuckled, not unkindly. “I feel that way literally all the time.”
“Oh...” He managed, the skin of his neck warming.
Obviously. Obviously, Yugamu probably feels that way all the time. No sane person would ever humor his morbid fantasies, Takumi thought, perhaps a bit ruefully. Despite his attractiveness, despite the talent which unfurled each time he plucked at his bass, Yugamu was still nebulous and unattainable, caged in by his own wayward desires.
But if that’s the case... are you and Gaku—
“Yeah,” He agreed, rather lamely. “Yeah, I hadn’t thought of that.”
He looked up at Yugamu from beneath his lashes. “So... mind giving me some advice on how to handle that?”
The humor fell from Yugamu’s face like the last brittle leaf from a bare branch. Takumi felt cold apprehension wash over him as the man’s face emptied of expression, save for a swirling intensity which seemed to manifest in that one eye like a distant storm system. Takumi forced himself to heed it without blinking in the agonizing seconds it took for Yugamu to respond.
“Yes.” Yugamu said, and his voice was soft and severe. “My advice? Do whatever it takes to obtain what you want.”
... What?!
“That’s,” Takumi felt himself croak. “That’s it?”
He watched as Yugamu nodded, once, and was taken aback by the hot shame flaring in his face. He felt oddly adrift by the response, before suddenly realizing what he was truly feeling was... upset. Yugamu had responded too quickly, too assuredly. Is that really all it took? All he was saying it took? Did he comprehend Takumi’s question at all?
Takumi frowned.
“So, I should do that even if it means hurting someone else?”
He knew his question was leading, and perhaps a little unfair—but he couldn’t help it. He carefully studied Yugamu’s expression as it shifted from serious to a more familiar bemused look.
“Dear Sumino,” He hummed. “Love is all about pain. So long as it's what you want, you should do everything you can to pursue it.”
A stab of defense prompted Takumi to shoot back. “I never said it was about love.”
“I know,” Yugamu replied, simply. “I just assumed.”
Annoyance simmered briefly within him before slowly dying away. He tried to physically will away the tense atmosphere that had gathered between them— if he could, part it with his own hands and send it floating into the night sky. They watched each other, saying nothing.
Takumi, finally unable to take the stillness, sighed.
“I’m sorry.” He said softly.
Yugamu let out an odd little cough, a mix between a scoff and a laugh. “Why are you apologizing now?”
“Because,” He hoped Yugamu could hear the stress in his tone. “I asked you for advice and you replied in your own way and it wasn’t what I was expecting, so I got a little miffed. You’re a good listener and... a really good friend.”
A really good friend, you say. You’re such a coward.
Takumi reeled against his own voice in his ear. He suddenly rose up from the water, pulling himself up by his forearms along the edge of the pool. Yugamu stiffened, eye widening as Takumi leaned up into him.
“You went out of your way to look for me.” Each word felt like a cement block falling from his lips, unmistakable for anything else. “Also? I haven’t even told you how you killed it at the last show. You were incredible, and god, everyone went totally crazy for you!” Takumi paused for breath, but kept his bravado going. “And maybe you already know how good you sounded, but to me— you were so in your element, a part of me never wanted the show to end.”
His heart hammered wildly against the damp concrete against his chest. He lowered his chin, eye-level with Yugamu’s knees, as he caught his breath. He moistened his lips before daring to look up at Yugamu once more—
—Only to find Yugamu’s mouth gone, hidden by a clawed hand. Against that hand Takumi saw burning heat rising against Yugamu’s cheeks, slowly but surely climbing up to the tips of his ears. The look Yugamu was making could only be described as... agonized.
Takumi wanted to chisel the look permanently into his memory. He sputtered, slowly slinking back into the pool.
“O-Omokage—”
Yugamu’s hand shot forward, a last desperate command. “Okay!”
From somewhere behind them a cricket’s song filled in the space. Yugamu sighed out, loud and suffering.
“For the love of murder...” He muttered. “I really have no idea what everyone means when they call me the heart breaker. You should be the one they fear above all else, Sumino.”
“Oh.” Takumi could only manage a crooked grin. “I mean, thanks?”
It was an utter novelty, hearing Yugamu snort through his nose, seeing that precious rare dour look on his face.
“Don’t you look so pleased.” The other man mumbled, the redness in his cheeks faint but still present.
Takumi greedily absorbed the sight. He chased the fleeting high with small laugh.
“If it’s any consolation, I promise you there’s plenty of people who think otherwise.”
Two faces appeared in his mind, each a small mark on his heart. Yugamu did not reply right away, but instead touched his own cheek with the tips of his fingers. Takumi felt his heart leap at the vulnerable image it made and he ached to breach the distance and take that hand into his own. Yugamu’s eye flickered to him and for a split, panicked second Takumi wondered if he had heard his thoughts as the other man slowly leaned in over the edge.
Takumi gawked up at him as Yugamu smiled benevolently from above.
“That may be, but I suppose I’ve always seen you differently.” He responded, gently. “From everyone else.”
Stop, Takumi beseeched in his mind, unsure if it was towards Yugamu or himself. He thought of Nozomi, murmuring something similar as she buried her face against his shoulder. He thought of Aotsuki, admitting his feelings whilst turned away from him, his profile tinted gold from the sunset. He thought of his own selfish heart, carnivorous beast that it was, gnawing on the remains of both their feelings for him. It would never be enough. He would always crave this closeness, because he was weak and couldn’t stay away.
Don’t put Yugamu through that. Takumi bitterly ignored the thought. He belatedly realized he hadn’t said anything in response and thought of the first dumb thing to come to mind.
“Don’t lean over too much,” He mumbled, gesturing to the water. “Wouldn’t want to fall in.”
Thankfully, Yugamu seemed all too amused by the response.
“I’m not worried in the slightest,” He quipped. “Since Sumino will be here to rescue me.”
A bit of relief swelled in him and he grinned in response. “Sure, but I was never a lifeguard, so try not to fall in for my sake.”
To his mild surprise, Yugamu seemed more cheered up by that response.
“You never know! I might just slip in and we’ll both drown.” As though tempting the fates Yugamu leaned low once more, the tips of his clawed fingers dipping into the water. His voice took on a breathy tone as he stared serenely into the depths. “It may not be the most flashy way to go, but so very romantic all the same. Ehehe, listen to me, running my mouth again...”
“Hey, have some faith in me.” Takumi managed to utter, taken in by Yugamu’s enamored words. “I wouldn’t let you drown so easily, alright?”
He could hear Yugamu take a quiet breath, a short inhale between his lips. He lifted his fingertips from the water and watched the droplets fall.
“Even if its what I want, Sumino?” He mused quietly. “What would you do then?”
The inside of his mouth was dry. Takumi spoke through it, air cool against his teeth.
“Then I’d go under with you and try to change your mind.”
That intense blue eye flickered up, wavering like a lantern in the dark.
“I wouldn’t.” Yugamu murmured, and it was as though he had spoken an omen into existence. Takumi said nothing, holding that singular gaze in his own. He waited as the seam of Yugamu’s lips parted once more.
“It’s scary, isn’t it?” The dark-haired man smiled almost sadly. “Knowing I wouldn’t change my mind. What would you do then?”
What would you do then? What would he do, knowing Yugamu would want nothing more than to pull him under, to share that frightening darkness alongside him? Yugamu was everything he wasn’t and he was nothing Yugamu was. And yet there was a similarity they shared, an unspoken resonance between them that seemed to strengthen each time they bantered, played, struggled together.
Takumi wondered if he imagined it on his own sometimes. Did Yugamu have the slightest idea of how he wanted to understand? Did he know how Takumi mourned, wondering he was too late?
What would be the point in holding back now?
Takumi’s eyes blazed as they looked back at him.
“I’ll keep trying, and if it doesn’t work then I’ll drown with you.”
Yugamu’s serene expression cracked—like a flinch, only sharper. His hands fell over his knees, sharp nails briefly grazing the fabric of his pants before pulling away.
To Takumi’s growing horror, Yugamu was rising to stand.
“You’re sure are a strange one, Sumino.” He said somewhat flippantly, speaking more to the wind than anything else. He dusted his pants as he stood. “Sorry for taking up your time. I’ll head back and let the others know you’re alive and well.”
Wait, the word pulsed frantically through the haze in his mind. Wait, wait—
Slapping his forearms onto the concrete Takumi hauled himself up from the water with his last waning strength.
“Omokage—”
“Oh, no need to hurry on my account,” The bassist waved a hand, bending his knees to reach for his guitar.
With a quick step he intercepted the hand, standing between it and the case. Yugamu blinked slowly, straightening his back. Before him Takumi heaved in the dark, water trickling here and there, running in rivulets down his arms and legs. His hands were fists at his side.
“Omokage, did I upset you?” He asked, trying not to sound as desperate as he felt. A part of him felt half-mad as Yugamu blinked again in a way that seemed to shutter all emotions from within.
“Do I look upset?” He broke out into another grin, but it was surface-level. “Ahaha, missing my company already, Sumino? We’ll see each other tomorrow, man.”
He resisted the urge to wither where he stood. “You do—seem upset. If I hurt your feelings, please know that I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Yugamu said dismissively, quick to reply. “You haven’t touched upon my feelings before, and you haven’t now.”
The weight of those words fell with the delicacy of a glass vase crashing between them, realization cresting over them both. Yugamu’s mouth tightened into a line as Takumi’s opened, jaw unhinging. He stepped closer, droplets still falling from strands of his hair.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He nearly wheezed.
Yugamu snorted at him with a shake of his head. “For the love of murder, look at you. You’ll catch your death of cold—the least passionate way to go.”
“Yugamu,” Takumi finally allowed a hint of desperation to color his tone. The other man shifted at the sound of his name. “Tell me what you meant by that.”
At that Yugamu’s expression fell again. In the tense silence Takumi could hear his heart climbing up his rib cage, teeth gnashing, aching for something to devour. He willed for it to calm, to stop expecting something from the man across from him. He felt himself droop and pressed a hand flat against his chest.
“Yugamu...”
Yugami sighed, the sound thin and weak. “Takumi. Did we not just have a heart to heart on how you have a lot on your mind? The last thing you need is me muddling things further.”
A bit of Takumi’s resolve slowly returned at that response. “We also talked about how I should rely on you.”
“And you can,” Yugamu’s gaze fell on the guitar case once more. He reached, to move past Takumi to pick it up. “That isn’t—”
His fist uncurled and took Yugamu’s wrist in it’s grip. The bassist stiffened, eye darting to where their skin was pressed together. Takumi’s heart was now roaring incessantly in his ears, caged in his skull. Beside them, Takumi’s phone jingled— once, twice, three times. Neither acknowledged it as Takumi kept Yugamu’s wrist in his hand.
“If you want me to leave, fine.” He pressed his fingers into his skin, feeling a jump of a pulse. “But if I messed up then please just tell me. Be honest with me!”
There was something strained in Yugamu’s voice. “I am honest with you. That’s one privilege I will never take for granted, Takumi.”
Takumi nearly whispered the next word to escape his lips. “Then?”
He watched as Yugamu sighed again, more with his chest than anything.
“I don’t,” The dark-haired man said slowly, carefully. “want to make things more difficult for you, or place distance between us. Nor do I want to be... more selfish than usual.”
Takumi could have laughed, if not for the hysterical quality it might’ve taken on if he did. He let out a disbelieving scoff which prompted Yugamu to look at him again.
“Selfish? Since when do you worry about that?” His tone hardened. “Be selfish! Please, be selfish with me because I’m trying to figure out where I messed up here. I want to know if I hurt you!”
“You didn’t,” Yugamu replied, slightly clipped. He tugged on the wrist still captive in Takumi’s hand. “You have no idea what you’re asking for, do you?”
At that he felt his strength wane. His grip went slack, his fingers barely holding onto the pale, bony wrist, but despite that Yugamu did not pull away. Takumi inhaled slowly, his vision expanding outwards, placing Yugamu in the center of his horizon line. Above him several dozen stars glinted far off in another life.
“I’m...” Takumi tried, resisting the urge to automatically apologize. His tongue felt like a lifeless weight in his mouth. “... maybe I don’t. But I do know one thing, okay?” He lifted his chin, caging Yugamu where he stood. “You scare me sometimes, you’re amazing and I don’t fully understand you yet. But I know, and understand, that I never, ever want to hurt you in a way you don’t want.
I want you to know only happiness, in the way you want it.” He took a quivering breath, the flesh of his throat tightening, making it difficult to form sounds. He swallowed the pressure down and gently squeezed Yugamu’s wrist. “I’ll do whatever it takes to understand you completely. So I don’t hurt you, ever. I want... to understand your feelings, Yugamu.”
His gaze lowered in the space between them, the limbo between heaven and hell.
“I want... to touch them.”
Yugamu did not respond. Water quietly lapped at the edges of the pool beside them.
Ruined it, he thought, heat welling behind his eyes at the very impact of it. You ruined it, he’s pissed, why can’t you ever just—
He was knocked out of his tumult with the sharp jerk of Yugamu’s wrist escaping his hold. His heart plummeted. Guilt erupted in his face, choking him from the neck up. He steeled himself, willed from the crumbling remains of his pride to manage one last apology—
“Yu—”
Lips slammed into his own.
A whole mouth, actually, arms, and body slammed into him all at once, although the lips were certainly the first thing to register in his mind. The second would be the sudden and jarring loss of balance, the third a shocking lack of traction under his feet and finally— the cool, wafting breeze of the pool at his back.
His arms swiftly came around Yugamu as their bodies hit the water.
A flurry of waves rocked them further under the surface. Yugamu’s mouth was pressed against his with an almost bruising force, sealing whatever meager air pocket was left between them. Amidst the columns of white bubbles around them clawed hands raked at his scalp and the landscape of muscle and skin between his shoulder blades. Takumi wanted to groan at the sensation but was too occupied with moving his mouth against Yugamu’s, lips sliding together, the force behind them locking away their breaths. Yugamu’s hand found the base of Takumi’s spine and raked a slow, torturous trail upwards.
Takumi clung to Yugamu’s clothes. Sound was muted around them, encompassing them in a space consisting of only their movements, their existences together. A small ball of pressure formed in Takumi’s chest, alongside his heart.
It expanded and Takumi felt himself awaken with panic.
Yugamu’s cardigan floated about them like a black jellyfish as he took a handful of it and pushed against his shoulder. In response Yugamu’s arms tightened around him, nails digging at his waist and neck. He molded his mouth harder against Takumi’s, a long muffled sound emitting from deep within his throat. Takumi could feel their combined weight sinking further, until his back finally hit the bottom of the pool.
Yugamu, his thoughts raced around a singular name, surging in tune with the gradually quickening pace of his heart. The pressure in his chest tightened exponentially. His every nerve screamed for him to escape.
Yugamu...
He pushed against him a last time but Yugamu’s embrace was like that of a deep sea beast’s, wrapping tendrils around him, pulling him into the zone where light no longer reached, into black trenches and ship graveyards. Takumi felt his vision darken gently at the edges, ever so slowly expanding towards the center. His diaphragm contracted painfully against his ribs, screaming for relief. He screwed his eyes shut as bubbles fluttered across his face. The darkness was closing in.
So this is what it’s like, he thought with minimal consciousness, to love him, huh...?
With that last thought, Takumi clutched Yugamu in return.
____
Small bubbles disturbed the otherwise calm surface of a local community pool.
Fluttering moths, wings flashing with light, danced around the tall lamps overhead as a quiet fell over the area. Beyond the gate, further out into the city, cars streaked headlights across the busy roads. In other areas of the town young musicians were playing quietly in their rooms. Music floated from out of bars, through the cracks of windows leading into bedrooms. Beyond the chain-link fence, the city was alive and well.
At a local community pool the small bubbles that were disturbing the surface were now multiplying—boiling violently, until finally two heads erupted from the surface.
Takumi tore his mouth from Yugamu’s with an explosive gasp.
With a choked cough he struggled to keep them afloat, his chin bobbing back into the water, his legs sapped of all their strength. He was only half-aware when he felt himself moving and realized Yugamu was guiding them towards the shallow end of the pool, until their feet finally scraped the pool’s rough floor with ease.
Yugamu, panting loudly, swam into him until they reached the pool ladder, which Takumi clutched with one hand. Their gulping breaths filled the air, becoming a din that overshadowed even the various chorus of crickets and grasshoppers nearby. Gradually their sounds quieted in the minimal space between them.
Utterly weakened, Takumi wrapped his shaking arms around Yugamu’s shoulders.
“Are—” He choked out, his brow creased in concern. “Are you okay?”
Looking still in a daze, Yugamu nodded. Takumi would have admired the expression more, if not for the sudden trailing black lines making their way down the other man’s cheek.
“Oh my god,” Takumi let out a weak laugh. “Your clothes! Your makeup...”
Yugamu finally reacted, grimacing at the last one. “Ah, shit.”
Indeed, his liner was now smudged around his eye, running in inky droplets down his face. It made for an oddly beatific look and he wiped at one trail with his thumb. He tempered his smile as Yugamu leaned into the touch with a sigh.
“Maybe this’ll teach you to think before you leap.” Takumi muttered, earning an airy giggle from the other man. His thumb smeared more kohl away. “You are so lucky I brought extra clothes, you crazy!”
“Hardly any fun in that.” Yugamu replied breathlessly. “Can you blame me for not wearing my usual water-proof since I wasn’t anticipating a romantic late night swim?”
Takumi’s smile faded. That’s right, they were here, surrounded by cold, because...
“Yugamu.” He mumbled.
He pulled him closer, without allowing a response, and fitted their mouths together.
Beneath the water they had been pressed so tightly together Takumi had briefly wondered if they’d ever separate again, even after death. Now there was air between them, heated by the pull and press of their lips connecting. His cheeks burned at the wet sounds, at his own hitching breaths as Yugamu raked his teeth over his lower lip. He pulled away from him, finding his voice.
“We almost drowned.” It was a fact, and yet the words left his lips like a distant afterthought.
Yugamu nodded dreamily. He kissed Takumi again, effectively shutting down whatever tangent he was readying on his lips. Takumi gasped as Yugamu pressed their bodies together, his worn-out heart pounding feebly in his chest.
They parted again, but this time Yugamu did not relent— instead going for the juncture of his neck and jaw, smearing eager kisses along the length of muscle. Words appeared in the forefront of Takumi’s thoughts but died instantly on his tongue. He tilted his chin back, shuddering at the hot mouth making its way towards his throat.
“God.” Takumi moaned softly. “We almost died.”
A sudden, high-pitched sound of pleasure erupted from Yugamu’s chest. “Takumi...” He whined against his skin, hot breath dampening the space.
The noise, enticing as it was, was enough to startle Takumi from his heated reverie. His hand found Yugamu’s shoulder and applied the slightest bit of pressure.
“Wait, wait.” He panted, pushing again. “Y-Yugamu, look at me. Please.”
Slowly, albeit reluctantly, Yugamu pulled away, his cheeks and lips flushed a delicate rosy red. A part of him cursed the cold rationality that had reared its ugly head, but another needed to know, needed to put a name to whatever was happening now between them.
Takumi swallowed silently. “You, um... we...”
The corner of Yugamu’s lips quirked up. “Yes? We, as in you and me?”
His fingers threatened to pinch Yugamu’s side as his brow furrowed in focus.
“Us.” He stressed, the familiar dread of anticipation alighting his nerves now. “Is there... an us now?”
He nearly flinched as Yugamu’s hand found his own before bringing it to his lips. Warm breath brushed over his joints as Yugamu kissed them.
“I like to think there was always an us,” He mused. “It’s only... a little different this time.”
A helpless smile lifted his lips. “A little different, huh?” He was already feeling lighter, and he wanted nothing more than to lean into that joy. But before he could allow himself to collapse with Yugamu in the moment he had to address one thing, the reason he had come to the pool to begin with. His eyes shined with uncertainty.
“So...” There was no way of bringing this up gracefully. It was futile to even try. “Y-You and Gaku aren’t...”
Yugamu’s brows rose high.
“Gaku?”
Takumi wondered if he was still allowed to drown. He groaned in shame, hanging his head. “Yeah, I just... I don’t know, I thought you two might’ve...”
“Oh,” Yugamu said simply, but he could hear the tremble of laughter behind it. He jerked his chin up to see the bassist smiling widely.
“Don’t get me wrong,” Long fingers playfully interlaced with his own. “I like Gaku quite a bit—almost as much as you do. But I have a feeling that isn’t what you were implying.”
“I’m sorry,” Takumi blurted, still flushed with distress. “I didn’t want to ruin anything—with us, with you and him—I was an idiot and I’ve wanted to kiss you for the longest time, but after Nozomi and Eito I didn't—”
Yugamu pressed their lips together, silencing the barrage of words. When it was done he nudged their noses together.
“I can’t begin to imagine what happens in that head of yours, day after day.” His partner replied, voice soft with affection. “One day I’d love to crack it open and see what’s going on inside.”
Takumi squinted. “Not today, okay? My head’s already full to bursting as it is.”
“Of course,” Yugamu beamed. “Although it really must be, since you didn’t even suspect Gaku when I tracked you down...”
A beat passed between them before the realization struck Takumi like a wayward baseball to the skull.
“Gaku?” He squawked, gaping at Yugamu’s cheshire cat grin. “He told you I’d be here?”
“I might’ve badgered him a bit here and there. He knows all your usual haunts, after all.” The other man said thoughtfully. “He was rather quick to wear down, the poor thing.”
Gaku, you...!
A strangled noise escaped his lips. He dropped his forehead onto Yugamu’s shoulder, hiding his shame away the best he could. All this time, agonizing over what could’ve been, what he wanted...
“We really need to get out of the pool.” Takumi said in the space between Yugamu’s shoulder and neck, finding the area much easier to talk to then his actual face. “You’re going to catch a cold for sure and my fingers are raisins now.”
He felt teeth nip the edges of his fingertips. “Does this mean I can eat them?” Yugamu asked a little too eagerly.
Takumi opened his mouth for a quick retort—only to go completely still as the crunch of distant footsteps alerted him of his time limit. He jerked his head up, fighting the brief dizziness. He was supposed to be out a while ago. Oh, shit.
“We really, really need to get out of the pool!” He hissed, groping for the ladder behind him. Yugamu was unfairly calm, smiling widely as he allowed Takumi to finally unwind from him. His eye fell upon the bare chest before him once more and lingered appreciatively.
“By all means,” He purred. “I’m right behind you.”
Takumi felt himself weaken at the rumble in his voice. His wet hands slipped on the titanium bars as he pulled himself up the ladder step by step, still facing Yugamu. In hindsight it was not the most practical to climb out, especially with the dark-haired man eyeing him the way he was...
He started when Yugamu swam forward to press a kiss against his collarbone.
“Yugamu...” The name was a low warning, quickly losing its potency as that mouth seared a line of hungry kisses down his sternum. “Stop—” A gasp, as lips brushed across his nipple. “Y-You—”
The gate creaked loudly.
If not for the way he shot himself up the ladder he would’ve nearly kneed Yugamu in the jaw. He whirled his head towards the gate, a poorly thought out excuse ready on his tongue.
Instead of a security guard he saw a cat, rubbing its side against the chains of the gate.
A laugh reminded him that Yugamu was still in the pool.
“How cute.”
He held on tight to the frayed edges of his patience, willing himself not to leave Yugamu in the water as he forced himself to stand on shaking legs. He extended a hand towards the other man and pulled him up, the weight of his drenched clothes straining their sore muscles.
“I can’t believe you.” He groused as Yugamu wrung out the ends of his clothing, spilling water onto the concrete. The dark-haired man beamed at him, nonplussed, and in that moment he foresaw a hundred conversations with this exact kind of resolution, with Takumi’s irritation melting away due to that smile.
“I’m never going to win against you, am I?” He mused out loud.
Yugamu looked curiously at him.
Takumi shook his head. “We’re going to have disagreements and you’re going to give me that—” He gestured at him. “—that look, and I’m just going to let you have your way, all the time.”
The look Yugamu gave him then could only be described as predatory. He grinned, full of teeth, and Takumi felt his spine go rigid in alert. Water squelched in Yugamu’s boots as he stepped closer, raising a hand to wipe dripping bangs from Takumi’s brow.
“No better time than the present to start preparing.” He preened. “You’ll just need to try your best against me, Takumi!”
It was almost unreal, how even like this—drenched head to toe, make-up running—Yugamu was still as as beautiful, as formidable as ever. Takumi wondered how he managed to wrangle this outcome out of fate’s hands. Or maybe, it was that fate was going to offer it to him from the very beginning? Huh, those might make for some decent lyrics...
Did fate have a hand in any of this, at all?
A towel came over Yugamu’s head, earning a surprised ‘oh!’ which would remain with Takumi until the end of his days.
“Enough of that.” Takumi smiled wearily, mostly to himself. “Let’s get out of here already.”
____
Some untold hours and seconds later Takumi sent a single text on his phone before placing it on top of his duffel bag. Through the gap under the bathroom door steam still unfurled from their prolonged shower. Yugamu was lounging on his bed, naked as the day he was born, watching Takumi fondly from across the room. Fatigue was wearing them both down despite the remnants of pleasure that still thrummed through their veins.
He peered into the glowing enclosure beside Yugamu’s nightstand but found no Alice in sight. She was most likely deep within her burrow, nestled in substrate.
“I fed her a large dinner yesterday,” Yugamu commented quietly from where he lay on the bed. Distant city lights from beyond the window touched the sheets and the curve of his body, lining it in cobalt blue. “She won’t be out and about for a while.”
“She must have been happy.” Takumi replied.
From where he lay Yugamu smiled, slow and warm. His hand rose, reaching for Takumi.
“She was.”
Takumi nodded, then slipped off his shirt and climbed into the bed, where his lover’s arms waited.
____
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you directly without problems or pride:
I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love,
except in this form in which I am not nor are you,
so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,
so close that your eyes close with my dreams.
- Pablo Neruda, Soneto XVII