Chapter Text
“Hey, dumbass, we're late,” growled Loona.
Prince Blitzø blinked open his eyes slowly. ‘Why is my back stiff?’ he thought groggily.
“Blitzø, get up!”
Prince Blitzø's world tilted sideways as the couch he was laying on was toppled over. He rose painfully to his feet and felt his vertebrae align with an audible pop. “Good morning, sweetie.”
Loona crossed her arms and glared down at him. “Just hurry up and get dressed, Blitzø. If we leave quickly we might be able to get a coffee.”
“Alright, Loona. Please don't tell Andrealphus I slept on the couch, okay?”
“Who the fuck is Andrealphus? Are you two timing Stolas?”
‘Stolas?’ thought Prince Blitzø. ‘Why does that name sound familiar?’
“Whatever, dumbass, just don't lose our meal ticket over this.”
Prince Blitzø finally took a good look around him, and realized that he wasn't in his sitting room as he expected. He was standing in a living room with a kitchen and small breakfast area attached. There was a door nearby leading into a microscopic bathroom. He also noticed a door with a familiar “Beware of Dog” sign. He assumed the final door was the exit of the apartment as it was covered in locks. He swore the entire floorplan would fit twice over in his bed chambers with room to spare.
‘What the fuck? Why are Loona and I in an apartment made for poor demons and not at my palace? And why isn't she freaking out like I am?’
Loona snapped a paw in front of his face. “Hell to Blitzø. Get a move on!”
It didn't take long for the prince to find his clothes. They looked very similar to his favorite outfit, but poorer quality. The cheap cotton snagged on his burn scars and irritated his skin.
Once he pulled his coat on, he looked at Loona expectantly. She quickly grabbed him and dragged him at the door. “Get it together, Blitzø. You are going to get yourself killed today.”
Why did the apartment building have so many stairs? Prince Blitzø’s legs were burning when they finally reached the ground floor. Loona tilted her head to a death trap of a van that said, “I.M.P.” in graffiti lettering on one of the sliding doors. The prince’s eyes widened in shock, surely she couldn’t be serious.
Prince Blitzø walked over to the passenger side of the van and waited expectantly. Loona growled and strolled over to him, roughly fishing a key ring out of his coat pocket. She unlocked the door and opened it for him. Once he was seated amongst the detritus, she slammed the door closed.
He heard portions of her rant and she made it around to the driver door. “Fuckin’...Prince…rich bitch…delusions of granduer…dick.” His eyes widened. It had been a while since he had heard his daughter use this sort of language. It reminded him of when he had first adopted her from the pound. As she had grown accustomed to him, she had calmed down a lot, but still after all these years she never called him-
“Dad?” Blitzø’s head shot up to make eye contact with Loona. “Are you feeling ok? Did something happen last night? If we need to take care of Stolas…”
“Oh, no, sweetie. Everything is perfectly fine,” the prince lied. “I just didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.”
Loona snorted. “Of course you didn’t. You practically never sleep on full moon nights. Let’s get some coffee in you.” She started up the van and peeled out of the parking lot.
Prince Blitzø stared despondent at the city flying past his window. It looked similar to the city that his palace sat toward the outskirts of, but the people were very different. There were imps of every size and shape, more than he had ever seen and heard of in one place before. And, he didn’t see any evidence of Goetia. Surely, they would live in a part of town like this.
Loona pulled up to the drive through of a Hellbucks and provided a complicated order to the speaker that Prince Blitzø didn’t quite catch. Only a minute later, a cold concoction was shoved in his hands. It didn’t look anything like the drinks he usually got from tearooms. He took a tentative sip. It was liquid gold in his mouth. He made a mental note to figure out exactly what the drink was so he could have Vassago make it for him at home…if he got home.
Though the sugar gave him a large energy burst, he still felt a wave of melancholy come over him. What in Satan’s name was going on?
Loona parked the van at a building that was covered in “condemned” signs. Surely she wasn’t expecting him to…oh she was. She practically dragged him into the building and up several more stairs. Whoever invented stairs should be drawn and quartered.
They finally stopped at a door that had the same I.M.P. logo as the van. Loona, sensing his reluctance, opened the door and ushered him inside.
“Mornin’, B!” came a familiar cheerful voice.
“Good morning, sir,” came an equally familiar annoying voice.
“MM&MM!” shouted Prince Blitzø as he brought them both into a crushing hug. “It has been so long since I last saw you!”
“Refrain, sir. You only just saw us yesterday. Did you fuck the prince good?”
“Um, yeah. Of course I did, Moxxie.”
“Great, now let’s get started with our day then.”
“Ok.”
Everyone stared at Prince Blitzø expectantly. He shifted his weight under the scrutiny. What were they waiting for?
“Blitzø, hon, did you bring the book back?” asked Millie gently.
“Um…book?”
Loona looked over at the other two imps with a panicked expression.
“The prince’s grimoire that we use to cast the portal spell?” tried Moxxie.
“I’m not…I don’t have…oh that book…um,” Prince Blitzø ground to a halt not knowing what would be the appropriate lie to defuse the situation.
“Did the bird not give it back to you after you gave it to him?” growled Looona.
“Ummm.”
“Dad, you aren’t awake enough yet.” Loona grabbed Prince Blitzø by the shoulders and steered him into an office. “Just catch up on some paperwork for now ok? We will get this figured out.”
When she left, he heard their voices starting in another part of the office. “Stolas…Rich jerk…got sick of him…now what?...easy to wring that scrawny neck…”
Blitzø sat down at the desk. Just like at home, he found himself shoved to a desk and provided with busy work. Just to get him out of the way. At least he found a notebook with plenty of horse doodles.
After doing a couple doodles, the prince became rather bored. He started to poke around his(?) office. He found a box labeled "Stolas Sex Shit.” There was that name again. Who in Hell was Stolas and why did he have his own dedicated box of sex shit in this office?
Curiosity got the better of him and he opened the box. He nearly died of apoplexy when he saw the contents. He was not a virgin, but all this stuff? He didn’t even know what half of it was used for. Did Stolas use it on him, or did he use it on Stolas, or both? The sight of a strap on was the final straw for him as he slammed the box closed in a panic.
He noticed something sparkling on his wrist. He looked closer at the “gems” on his gauntlets and noticed that one of them was actually an Asemodean crystal. Where had that come from? He had been trying to get one of those forever to make difficult portal spells easier for himself. A quality that it seemed his alter ego also lacked.
He thought briefly about letting his daughter and friends know about the crystal. It was obvious they didn’t already know about it. Prince Blitzø shook his head. No. He was sick of whatever was going on here. He was going home.
He rubbed the crystal on his wrist, conjured a portal to his palace and stepped through.
Prince Blitzø stepped onto his garden path and into the maw of a carnivorous plant. “What the fuck?” Blizø didn’t remember there ever being any carnivorous plants in his garden. Did he fuck up his teleportation? Figures he couldn’t do a portal spell right even with an Asemodean crystal to do the heavy lifting.
“Oh, dear! Just a second, little one, I’ll get you out,” said a voice that was equally sexy and melodic.
“Just take your time. I probably deserve it for trespassing. I thought I was in my own garden.”
There was a thump as a hand outside whacked the plant. “Now, Chomps, what have I told you about eating imps? Imps are friends not food.”
The plant growled, but spat Blitzø out. He rolled a couple of times, and landed at the talons of the sexiest demon in all of creation. He was a tall owl Goetia wearing what looked like a swimsuit coverup robe. The robe was so short that Blitzø swore he would be able to see the bottom parts of his ass and cloaca if he bent over.
The owl’s face quickly morphed from panic to sassy anger. “Blitzø? What are you doing here?”
Blitzø picked himself up and started to dust himself off. He was unused to lower class demons being so forward with him, but he decided to give the hot owl a pass for now. “I apologize. Like I said, I fucked up a portal spell, and missed my home by probably a good mile.”
The owl crossed his arms and glared down at him like he was a slug that had invaded his garden and started talking.
“Please, Mr…Goetia. Whose palace did I end up at? Maybe I can walk from here if you-”
“Of all the nerve! After last night you think you can come into my garden and start treating me like one of my own servants? I guess I finally know how low you truly think of me.”
Blitzø flinched. He didn’t know what he did to upset this gorgeous creature, but surely it was all his fault. By pure chance, he must have ended up facing the “Stolas” that everyone was talking about. His mind finally caught up with him and it dawned on him that he was in a world that was opposite of the one he grew up in where Goetia like Stolas were the royals in charge and imps like him were the inferior class.
What had the original Blitzø done to this beautiful creature? Surely it would be worth removing his head from his shoulders if any of the laws were the same between the two worlds. Grimoire? ‘Oh fuck, what did you get yourself into not-Prince Blitzø Buckzo?’
Prince Blitzø sank to his knees before Stolas in supplication. He bowed his head and stared at the talons before him. “I am so sorry, Prince Stolas, for everything I have said or done to bring you distress. I am a man of great passion, and sometimes that turns me into a bit of a rogue.” He seized Stolas’ nearby hand and pressed his forehead into it. “Can you please find it in your heart to forgive a selfish wretch like me?”
Stolas raised his free hand to his mouth. “That is just like the line that Alejandro said-”
“To Gabriella after they got back together for the fifth time? Yes. If my girl can give that ass so many chances, can you find it in your heart to give me one more as well?”
Stolas worked his beak open and closed as he stared down at the imp kneeling before him. He was still upset about last night, but he was even more worried about the sudden change in Blitzø’s behavior. He knew for a fact that the imp hated Hell-a-Novela; he heard him mock the show on multiple occasions.
The owl did his best to look honored by Blitzø’s confession. “I suppose we can have a talk and try to work past last night,” he admitted. “Have you had breakfast yet? There should be plenty. I’m not particularly hungry myself, but I can hear your stomach growling from here.
Blitzø grinned up at him and allowed himself to be led into the kitchen. Once the owl had him sitting down and eating, he said, “Blitzø, I have something to attend to in my study. You eat until you are full. I’ll be right back.”
Stolas left the imp eating happily and proceeded to his study. He picked up his phone and dialed a number he had only called a couple of times.
“I.M.P. How can we kill your asshole?”
“Loona, dear, it is me, Prince Stolas.” The owl flinched as he heard a growl on the other line. “Look, I don’t know what you heard from Blitzø about last night-”
“He hasn’t told us dick. All we know is he showed up this morning without your book. Did you take it back from him?”
“Well yes, but-”
“So you just tossed my dad aside after you got bored with him,” growled Loona.
“Dear, that isn’t what happened. I took my book back, but I gave him an Asemodean crystal to use. I know how important the portal spell is to his business, but I couldn’t risk the book anymore.”
“What?”
“It is true! There is…more to it than that, but that is basically what happened. I tried to explain why I was giving him the crystal, but he took it as a rejection. We fought and then…” The owl’s brain blanked out. What had happened after the fight? “I didn’t think he would ever want to see me again,” whispered Stolas.
“Well he obviously forgot about the crystal because he was just panicking about the book.”
“Yes, well, he is here…”
“Son of a bitch, what?” There was a rustle of movement and a door slammed. “Fuck. We need him back here if he has that crystal so we can do our job.”
“Loona, it is much more serious than that.”
“What?”
“How did Blitzø behave this morning? Did he seem to recognize where he was and who he was with?” Stolas waited for Loona to think.
After a minute, she finally answered, “Fuck. You are right. He knew us well enough, but he seemed confused about our apartment and the office. Even the Hellbucks seemed to throw him off.”
“Loona, he didn’t recognize me at first. He eventually figured out my name and title, but it is as if he has no idea who I am. What we have done together…”
There was a deep breath on the other end of the line, “Well? Now what?”
“Can you let him stay with me for a while longer, dear? I don’t know what happened, but there is a possibility that there is a bad interaction between his brain and the Asemodean crystal. I think he needs to stay under careful observation.”
“One second.”
🎶When you want somebody gone
And you don’t wanna wait too long
Call the Immediate Murder Professionals🎶
Stolas hummed along to the jingle as he waited. It was really catchy.
“Your Highness,” came the young male employee’s voice. “Loona filled Mils and me in. Please help our boss. We need this business to not go bankrupt.”
Stolas sighed, “I’ll do my best.”