Archive of Our Own

Buck wanders down the quiet halls of the hospital with a paper bag of sandwiches cradled in his arms and his mind in a trance. He had to escape for a moment, get out of the suffocating feeling of the waiting room and the prying looks from strangers curious about the firefighters taking up half of the seating. 

All he can think about is how unfair everything always is.

Everything from the past day, hell, the past few hours. It all just bounces around in his head.

“He doesn’t have any family willing or able to take him,” Diedra said softly as he stood around the corner with his phone pressed to his ear so hard it hurt. She promised she’d give him an update, whatever she could. “He will end up going through the system. Maybe down the road we’ll find a family for him, but it could take years.”

“What would I need to do?” Buck asked without hesitation. Without thinking. “If I wanted to– what would I need to do?”

Buck was shaky when he wandered back into the waiting room. He didn’t want to answer the curious looks on his friend’s faces when they still hadn’t gotten any news from the doctors. They were there for Athena, not for Buck. He could deal with it on his own.

Hen let Harry rest his head on her shoulder. Chimney sat across from them, stone faced and staring at the ground. Ravi and May were next to each other. Eddie’s seat was empty. He must have gotten up while Buck was on the phone. Buck scanned the rest of the room.

There was a young girl in the corner scrolling on her phone, an older couple with their heads together talking quietly, and a man reading a magazine only a few seats down from them. The lights were dimmed and the phones ringing at the desk nearby did so gently. 

Should one of them pray? If Bobby were there he would have been praying, Buck thought.

“I’m going to get us some food from the cafeteria,” he said instead. He didn’t wait for anyone to reply, but he heard the hums of appreciation follow him out.

A variety, so he didn’t have to think too hard about what everyone would want. Turkey, ham, egg salad. Buck’s boots squeak when he drags them along the floor. The bag crinkles in his hands. The waiting room closest to where Athena is in surgery is four floors above Buck. Maybe he should take the stairs, give himself more time to think.

Nothing is fair. Harry and May shouldn’t be moments away from losing another parent. Theo shouldn’t be an orphan at four years old. How many people do they have to lose before the universe is satisfied?

“I can’t make any promises,” Diedra told him, “But given that the alternative is a stranger – someone the child has already met, who knew his parents, and shares the same family history as him would be a preferable option, in my opinion.”

Buck wouldn’t be able to live with himself knowing that sweet little boy had nowhere to go, no one who believed in him. Except, as much as he wants to be that person, he doesn’t know if he can. He’s just one man with a messy schedule and a record with drug dependency stamped across the front. He can do his best to explain it, but it will always be there. 

He wouldn’t blame anyone for declaring him unfit to care for Theo, given everything.

Buck sighs and stops at the elevator. He awkwardly shifts the bag of sandwiches to one arm and presses the up button. 

Would Theo even want to live with him? He seemed to like Buck when they met, but how does that change when suddenly he’s there all the time, giving instructions and discipline? Buck knows how to be the fun uncle and then pass the kid back to their parents at the end of the day. He doesn’t do the hard stuff.

The elevator chimes with each floor it passes, slowly reaching Buck’s. He has to blink his eyes back into focus when the doors open. It’s a bit of a shock to his system when he breathes in the air of the elevator – he’s gotten used to the unforgiving smell of antiseptic and nitrile gloves that covers the entire hospital. 

The elevator smells like blood.

Buck turns towards the corner where the buttons should be, moving the bag out of his line of sight to make sure he hits the right one.

He locks eyes with Eddie, pressed into the corner, holding himself up with one arm locked and gripping the support bar on the wall, his other hand pressing against his abdomen and covered in blood. He crumples when he sees Buck.

Buck drops the bag of sandwiches onto the floor. The elevator doors close and it starts to move.

“Eddie!” He catches him in his arms, knees crashing to the floor. Eddie slumps all of his weight on Buck for a brief moment, then digs an elbow into his shoulder to push himself forward enough to reach up and pull the emergency stop. “What are you doing?” 

He tries to reach to release it, so the elevator can open back up and he can get help, but Eddie has just enough strength to stop him. He digs fingers harshly into his forearm and pulls it away.

“Active shooter,” Eddie grunts, falling back against Buck, “Don’t know where they are, s’not safe.”

Buck freezes. His entire body grows cold. He didn’t pay attention to what floor Eddie came from. Not even what direction the elevator was coming from. He was too focused on his own problems and he was already on the phone down the hall when Eddie left for wherever he went. 

Which means… too many different things.

Eddie couldn’t have been far. The restroom, getting coffee, stretching his legs around the corner. And if he was shot, then.

Their friends, their family, could be safe. They could’ve heard the gunshot and gotten to safety. They could be sitting ducks, not knowing – just like Buck was – until it’s too late. They could already be dead. 

And Buck was getting sandwiches. He didn’t even put thought into which kinds everyone would want. 

“Didn’t see anyone else,” Eddie says, reading his mind.

“Okay.”

Buck lies Eddie down on the cool floor of the elevator and assesses him. It’s a feeling too familiar to somewhere they’ve been before. It puts a lump in his throat.

“Tell me,” he says.

Eddie’s throat clicks, he sucks in a deep, painful breath. “No exit wound, so– so it’s probably lodged in my large intestine. Could still walk, so that’s good. Might get– sepsis, infection, gonna be leaking fluid from my intestine into… myself. Could– could migrate somewhere else and cause more damage…”

Buck pulls his quarter zip over his head, balls it up, and presses it into Eddie’s stomach, making him groan. 

“Okay, okay,” Buck whispers, “You’re okay, I got you.”

“We gotta stay… in here. S’not safe out there. Not safe.” He says it like a mantra. 

It’s not safe in here either, he wants to say, not with me. All he knows how to do is slow the bleeding, he can’t save Eddie in here. Last time… that’s what he did. All he did was get Eddie to the people who could actually help him. He’s the middle man. He passes on the hard stuff. 

“It’s not safe, s’not safe. Need to stay.”

“I know, I know, but we gotta get you help, Eds.” Buck presses as hard as he can. “We gotta find someone to help you, I’m not enough here.” He wedges a knee in between Eddie’s legs to get a better angle and tears his eyes away from the blood slowly seeping into his jacket to watch Eddie’s eyelids flutter. “How’d you end up in the worst place in the hospital to need help, huh? Couldn’t have dragged yourself into an OR?” 

Eddie laughs once, softly, “Yeah, I know, right?”

Distantly, he can hear alarms start to blare throughout the hospital. Then the power cuts. Their way of keeping everyone inside in and everyone outside out, Buck has to assume. Automatic doors will be locked, anyone dangerous will get disoriented. Paths cut off. The elevator’s already stopped, but now they wouldn’t be able to start it again if they wanted to.

Buck quickly takes his phone out of his pocket and turns the flashlight on. He looks at the top of the screen. No signal at all. He leaves the phone face down on the floor, lighting up the small space of the elevator. 

His vision starts to tunnel, the first responder adrenaline wearing off and letting it all hit Buck at once. They’re trapped. Eddie is bleeding out, and internally. All he has are the clothes on his back and a pile of sandwiches strewn across the floor.

They could be in here for hours. No one knows where they are. No one is coming to help them. They’re alone. 

Everyone else could be dead. Athena was in surgery.

“Talk to me.” Eddie lifts a hand slowly and traces his fingers on the part of Buck’s arm he can reach. Buck can feel the drying blood from Eddie’s fingers catch on his skin. It makes him shudder.

Buck leans more weight onto one hand and removes the other from Eddie’s stomach to cradle his head. He feels his pulse against his palm.

“I’m here, I’m right here,” Buck tells him, “No signal, but doesn’t matter anyway, hospital’s gonna be locked down.”

Eddie shakes his head, brows furrowing like that wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He frowns and squints his eyes up at Buck. 

“Do you remember…” Eddie starts, the words coming out slowly. Buck hangs on to every one. “That night you came over and I answered the door in my underwear?”

Buck laughs a little, despite everything. “Yeah, you looked like Tom Cruise in Risky Business.”

“Exactly,” Eddie grins, “I was… I was supposed to be finding my joy.”

He says the last part like it should have air quotes around it. Buck can practically see them. The alarms have stopped now, he realizes. Now, it’s just eerily silent aside from their breathing. 

“Did it work?” Buck asks.

“That was the start of it, took a while… but… I found it now.” He loosely wraps a hand around Buck’s wrist, holding on. 

“That’s good, that’s really good, buddy.” 

“It’s been really good, I’ve been so good,” Eddie continues, “So it’s okay.”

Oh– Buck’s breath hitches. He thinks he’s going to die. 

Buck checks the wound again, but he can’t see much beyond bloody clothes and red flesh. He moves the jacket and pushes Eddie’s shirt up over the bullet hole like he probably should’ve done before. The fabric of it catches on his skin, slightly stuck inside. Eddie whines. 

“I know, I know, I’m sorry.”

It’s a big, almost perfect circle. He presses the jacket back onto Eddie’s stomach, directly on his skin this time. 

“It’s okay,” Eddie responds. Buck knows he means it in more than just a response to his apology.

“Don’t do that.”

“I’ve made my peace with it.” Eddie nods ever so slightly. “I got to be happy for a while.”

“Stop that. You can be happy for the rest of your life, Eddie.” Buck moves his hand from where it cradles Eddie’s head, to his pulse point where he holds his fingers to feel the thready beating, then cards them through Eddie’s hair again. “The rest of your long life, because we’re getting out of here. Together.”

“Together…” Eddie mumbles, smiling slightly, “Together would be nice.”

Buck knows that might mean more than how it seems too. It does to him. 

“I’ll give you whatever you want,” he says, “Anything. Once we get out of here. Just say the word, Eds.”

“‘Kay.”

His eyelids flutter shut and the soft grip he has around Buck’s wrist falls away. Buck can still hear him breathing, but he drags his fingers back to his pulse anyway. 

“Eddie, Eddie!” He shakes him slightly. Enough to wake him up, but not enough to hurt him more. “You gotta stay awake, please.”

Eddie groans in protest right as the BANG of what has to be another gunshot sounds from behind the doors of the elevator. 

Buck flings himself over Eddie, pulling his face into his shoulder. It feels like his heart could leave bruises on his ribs from how hard it beats. There’s the sound of shouting, boots hitting the floor. He presses their temples together and waits for a moment, and then another, and then nothing.

It didn’t sound like it was directly outside the doors. They could be between two floors for all he knows. It was close, though.

“Buck,” Eddie whispers, so close to his ear he barely needs to put any voice behind it.

Buck lets him go gently and moves back to his spot kneeling over Eddie, but not completely on top of him. His knees ache from the hard floor, and his bad leg tingles, but he ignores it. His own pain doesn’t matter.

Eddie’s eyes are slightly unfocused, but they’re open again. There’s a quiet clicking sound as he opens his mouth to speak again. 

“Who called? Earlier… you looked worried.”

Of course, of course that’s what Eddie would be thinking about while he’s bleeding out on the floor. Not about his own survival, but about Buck’s worries. He lolls his head to the side, turning his face into Buck’s hand. Buck leans closer to him, lifts his head up a bit more to keep him alert. 

“I wanna know,” Eddie pushes again. Buck swallows something that feels like a sob. 

It’s the last thing they need to talk about right now, but Eddie wants to know.

“It was Diedra,” Buck answers, “About Theo.”

He watches as Eddie blinks more focus into his eyes. “He okay? Did they– did they find someone?”

“No.” Buck sniffs and shrugs. “There’s um, there’s no family who will take him in, so he’ll go to foster care, or more likely a group home." 

He shifts a different part of his jacket over Eddie’s wound. The side he was using hits the floor next to him with a distinct splatting sound. Completely soaked in blood. He’s not going to be able to do this for much longer.

“He’s so young,” Eddie mumbles, eyes falling shut again for a moment, “He’ll find a good family. Has to. Can’t… people can’t keep slipping away. Gotta help each other.”

He has the biggest heart out of any of them, Buck thinks. He strokes his thumb along Eddie’s cheekbone. A content smile forms on his face, a rare one. Buck would think it was beautiful if it were in a different context. 

“She said– she said it would be difficult.” Buck can’t help the way that comes out with a slight scoff behind it. “Because of his temperament.”

“Oh,” Eddie breathes, “So, how long until he’s with you?”

He says it so easily, like it means nothing. Like it’s that simple. Buck’s hand freezes on his cheek and it makes Eddie smile knowingly again, eyes locking onto Buck’s and blinking slowly.

“I–” Buck stutters, “What?”

“C’mon, I know you.” His voice grows quieter with each sentence. “You would be so good. Already are so good.”

The words get caught in Buck’s throat. His sinuses start to sting and he’s blinking tears out of his vision before he can do anything to stop it.

“How can you know that?” 

He doesn’t answer for a long moment, but Buck can tell he’s still awake. He blinks rapidly and his breathing gets louder, more forced. He’s pale and clammy. It’s honestly a miracle that he’s stayed awake this entire time.

“Buck,” he whispers, “I don’t feel good.”

“I know, I know, but you have to hang in there, okay?”

There has to be something else he can do. They would know when the hospital is cleared when the power goes back on, or when they manually open the elevator doors to check inside, but that could take hours. Eddie doesn’t have hours. 

He scans around the compartment. One of the support bars is loose, sat unevenly on the wall. If he could get it off, maybe he could use it to get the doors open. There has to be supplies nearby, anything that’s more helpful than what he’s got currently. 

“You care,” Eddie says, drawing Buck’s attention back to him, “So much. And you love. You have… so much love to give. That’s how I know.”

“Eddie.”

“Thank you… for letting me have some for– for a bit.”

The collar of Eddie’s shirt is dotted with dark spots. Buck wipes his face on his shoulder, not letting go. 

“Keep it,” Buck cries, “It’s yours, please, Eddie.”

“Give Theo my share.” It’s the most coherent he’s sounded since he collapsed into Buck’s arms. “He deserves it.”

“I couldn’t give it to anyone but you, you know that.” Buck swipes his thumb underneath Eddie’s eye. The skin is soft and delicate. 

“Chris… he’ll like having a brother,” Eddie says. 

All of the air is sucked out of the room when Buck is hit with the fact that if Eddie doesn’t survive this, he could have two kids. He can’t let that happen. That’s a hypothetical, it was never supposed to be real. Even if it’s almost been real too many times to count. 

“Eddie.” Buck looks at him seriously. “Firefighter Diaz.”

He earns a confused look and angry brows for that, but at least it’s something.

“You’ve got a gunshot wound lodged in the abdomen, losing blood faster than you can stop it, indefinite transport. What do you do?”

“Buck…” 

“Tell me what you would do,” Buck begs. 

“Needs surgery,” Eddie sighs, then, “But if you couldn’t… get them there immediately… should probably get the bullet out. Pack the wound.” 

“How?”

“There’s no point, Buck.” His eyes are so glassy. Fingers tap against Buck’s knee on their own accord. “Need… forceps, saline, dressings. Don’t have it.”

“Okay, so I’ll go get everything,” Buck argues. If he could get the doors open, they’re in a hospital. 

“No, don’t, please,” Eddie whines, “Not safe.”

The fingers tapping against Buck’s knee dig into it slightly. Eddie shakes his head repeatedly, his eyes barely able to stay open, and his jaw falling slack every few seconds. But he still keeps shaking his head no. 

“If I don’t try, you’re going to die, Eddie,” Buck raises his voice at him. He doesn’t mean to, but it’s what happens when he’s terrified. 

“If you go, and…” Eddie trails off, losing his words. 

And die. Buck fills it in for him. That’s what he’s thinking. That Buck is going to die if he leaves this elevator. He could. It’s a fair suggestion. Except, Buck will die if he loses Eddie knowing he could’ve done something to save him.

“They won’t have anyone.”

Chris and Theo.

“Don’t…” Buck says harshly, “Don’t talk me out of saving you.”

“They need you.”

“They need you too.” Buck lets the emotions creep into his voice again. Welcomes the tears that collect in the corner of his eyes. “I need you, okay? I don’t know how to do it without you. We’re supposed to do it together.”

Maybe Buck will hate himself later. Maybe he’ll regret what he does when he’s dying alone in an empty hospital. Maybe Eddie will hate him for the rest of their lives. But he can’t think about that right now. 

He cards his fingers through Eddie’s hair until he grows relaxed and slightly delirious. Then, says, “Hey, I need to do something, can you…”

Gently, he circles his fingers around each of Eddie's wrists and brings his hands to Buck’s jacket pressed against him. 

“Can you just hold onto this for me? As hard as you can, okay?”

“‘Kay,” Eddie slurs. Buck needs to move fast. 

The metal bar on the wall is loose enough on one side for Buck to wiggle the screws out of their holes, but the other side is too tight. He pulls on it with all his weight, ridiculously thinking he could rip it off the wall, but it doesn’t budge. 

He looks around for something else, pats his own pockets for any kind of tool in his uniform, but he’s got nothing – not even a knife. Frustrated tears start to well up in his eyes. He looks at Eddie apologetically, then his eyes lock on Eddie’s own belt.

“Buh’… wha’ are you doing?” Eddie asks, confused, as Buck kneels next to him again, this time running his hand underneath Eddie’s hip. His fingers wrap around something metal and vaguely familiar, and he holds the multitool up to his face. It’ll work. Eddie stares at him, realization dawning on his face. “No, don’t leave, don’t leave me.”

Buck does his best to push it aside, despite everything in him begging him to listen to Eddie.

He jams a flathead into the screws. It takes some effort to get them moving, but eventually he’s able to get them loose enough to pull the bar fully off the wall.

“Plea’, don’t leave me, I don’t wanna– be alone. Don’t wanna be alone, Buck please. Don’t wanna die alone.” 

The tears stream down Buck’s face freely at this point. He drags the bar over to the doors and leaves it on the floor for later.

It looks like an older elevator. Not super dated, but possibly just enough for Buck to be able to pry the doors open himself. He digs his fingers into the seam and tries to get some leverage. The metal cuts into his skin, making him cry out.

“Don’ go out there,” Eddie sobs, “Please, stay, gotta stay for our kids, pl– please don’t leave the kids, can’t both leave the kids.”

Buck manages to open the doors enough to fit his entire hands through and push. He takes a second to look through the crack. The floor starts slightly above where the elevator has landed, but it’s more than enough to get out. It’s quiet and dim. Safety lights run along the bottom of the walls, but they don’t allow for much. He doesn’t see a single person.

Buck wedges his body in, then grabs the bar and fits it between the doors to keep them open. 

“I’ll be back so soon,” he promises, “You just have to hang in there, okay?”

“Need one of us, they need one of us, Buh’ you can’t, please.”

Breathing heavily, fingertips stinging, Buck steps towards Eddie again. He sinks down to one knee – because if he went down on both he knows he wouldn’t be able to convince himself to get back up – and rests both hands on Eddie’s cheeks.

“I will come back,” he tells him firmly, “Please try to stay awake.”

“Don’t, plea’, don’t go,” Eddie repeats at just a whisper.

Buck squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, then leans down and presses his lips to Eddie’s temple. It’s that, that makes Eddie finally start to cry real tears. Buck pulls away and forces himself out of the elevator before he turns back around.

Just like he thought, the hallway is completely empty. There are big doors further down on either side he has to assume came down when the lockdown was put in place. There’s a reception area in front of him and he jogs towards it. 

Computer supplies, charts, papers scattered on the floor, sticky notes, but nothing he actually needs. He rips open every drawer and cabinet he can and finds nothing. 

There are patient rooms past the desk, all with closed doors and blinking red keypads. He tries every single one anyway. 

Then finally, tucked into the corner, he spots a cart. 

Buck runs to it, immediately gripping the handles of the drawers and pulling. But, like everything seems to be in this hospital, they’re locked with a keypad.

“C’mon,” he mutters to himself. He presses random buttons like an idiot. There has to be some way in. 

Well– he’s sure the hospital will have other things to worry about later. Buck bunches up the collar of his shirt and pulls it up into his mouth, then, he smashes his elbow into the top drawer as hard as he can.

Immediately, he’s hit with searing pain. He’s definitely already broken skin. He hits it again and sees his own blood splatter across the white cart. He clenches his teeth into the fabric of his shirt and puts his entire body into it one more time. He just has to hope no one can hear his screams.

There’s a cracking sound that could either be the drawer giving in, or Buck’s own bones. Or possibly both. All that matters is that the drawer pops open.

The top drawer doesn’t have much that will help Eddie other than gauze pads. Buck shoves handfuls of them into his pockets and crouches down to pry open the next drawer through the opening he gave himself. 

He sighs in relief when he finds a collection of sterile tools, grabbing what he thinks are forceps, or something close. Then he finds the bottle of saline.

“Huh,” he smiles to himself almost manically. It feels almost too easy, he thinks. Then the pain in his elbow reminds him not to be too cocky. 

Buck gathers up everything he thinks he needs and runs as fast as he can back to the elevator. It’s out of his sight around the corner, and he half expects his plan to have failed and the doors to be closed, cutting him off from Eddie, but miraculously, it’s still there.

It shouldn’t be possible for anyone to get to them right now. A thought that’s both comforting and terrifying, but the sounds they heard earlier must have come from a different floor. They’re completely sealed off. 

So Buck steps over the bar holding open the doors and falls to the floor beside Eddie. 

“Eds, Eddie.” He picks his head up again, tapping him on the cheek. “Wake up, you gotta wake up.”

His pulse is weak, but it’s still there. 

“You need to tell me what to do, I don’t know what to do,” Buck tells him. He presses on the jacket covering Eddie’s wound again, and that makes his eyelids twitch ever so slightly. “I’m back, buddy, I’m right here.”

“Bu… ck,” he mumbles.

“Hey, hey,” Buck says softly, “I got what we need, and they can’t get to us here, we’re safe.”

Eddie’s eyes blink open, little unfocused slits of brown tracking Buck’s face. Then, his face crumbles. 

“You’re alive,” Eddie cries. 

“Yeah– yeah I’m alive, but you gotta help me take care of you, okay?” 

Buck pulls everything from his pockets and lays it out on the floor. He holds the forceps up in Eddie’s eyeline. 

“Oh,” Eddie breathes. His voice shakes, scared. “We’re gonna…”

As much as Buck would rather wait and get him comfortable with the idea, let him brace himself for it, they don’t have time.

“Tell me what to do, Eddie.”

Eddie swallows slowly, then focuses. “Need’t get the bullet… out. With the forceps… gonna really– really hurt.”

“H– How?” 

“Just feel for it,” Eddie explains, “Nothing else you can– can do.”

Buck gets a feel for the tool, takes a deep breath, then uncovers Eddie’s stomach. It’s covered in blood, but the flow has slowed down enough that Buck isn’t as worried at the moment. There’s no way for him to see the bullet even if it were brighter. 

Eddie’s hand shakes as he lethargically pulls Buck’s quarter zip up to clench between his teeth. He managed to find a patch that hasn’t been soaked through with blood, at least.

“Okay,” Buck prompts. He takes one second to pray he doesn’t do even more damage, then begins to lower the forceps into the bullet hole in Eddie’s abdomen.

Eddie starts to groan, a horrible broken thing. The feeling of the tips of the forceps touching flesh is distinguishable and soft, it’s obvious when he reaches the hard lead of the bullet. 

“Alright.” Buck steels himself for the pain he’s about to cause. “I’m gonna take it out now.”

He opens the forceps and gets as good of a hold he can on the bullet without being able to see anything. Then, slowly, he starts to pull it out and Eddie starts to scream.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Buck pleads. If only he could just rip it off like a bandaid, but he doesn’t want to make anything worse. “Almost out, almost there.”

He pulls it out the last couple inches, letting out a sigh of relief as he drops it to the floor. Eddie continues to cry out in pain, tears streaming down the sides of his face. Buck doesn’t want to give either of them too much time for the adrenaline to come down, so he makes quick work of soaking the gauze in saline and pressing it to the hole.

Buck has seen a lot on the job. He’s been there for people’s worst days, witnessed horrible injuries, but nothing will ever compare to the sick feeling of pressing two of his fingers into Eddie’s stomach. He packs the dressings as well as he can while the hot flesh pulses around him and his friend cries through the pain.

Buck tapes the last of it onto the outside of Eddie’s skin and pulls his hands away like he’s been burned. He doesn’t want to touch him anymore, doesn’t want to hurt him anymore. 

“Done, done,” Buck tells him breathlessly. “All done.”

Eddie spits the jacket sleeve out of his mouth, panting. He tries to lift up a hand, but it doesn’t get very far. 

“Buck,” he says.

“Y-yeah?” Buck is rooted to where he sits. Leaning back on his feet to give Eddie space.

“C’mere, please, I want you… want you t’hold me.”

The shock and the fog in Buck’s brain fades away at that and he scrambles back up to his knees to shuffle around towards Eddie’s head. He sits cross legged and gently lifts his head into his lap, threading his fingers through his hair.

“Stay with me, Eds, just for a little longer.”

“You’re gonna be…” he murmurs, “such a good dad. Already so good to Chris.”

Eddie’s breathing gets slower and slower with each second that passes. Buck doesn’t know what he’ll do if it stops. 

“Love them– the kids…” Buck doesn’t miss the way he’s already including Theo. “Tell ‘em I love them. Love them so much.”

“Tell them yourself, Eddie.”

“So much… love ‘em so much. And– and you. Love you, love you.” 

“Stop,” Buck whispers, “Don’t do this now.”

“Love you.”

Eddie’s eyes start to roll to the back of his head, and Buck is suddenly hit with the memory of hearing an I love you and not saying it back. He won’t make that mistake again. He strokes Eddie’s cheekbones until he blinks and looks back up at Buck.

“I love you,” he tells him.

The lazy smile that lights up Eddie’s face is one Buck will never be able to forget. His breathing has slowed to almost nothing, but he still looks up at Buck like he’s hung the moon. 

“Yeah?” Eddie asks. “Figured.”

It makes Buck laugh, despite everything. His eyes crinkle shut just enough to miss the way Eddie falls away from himself. 

“Eddie?” Buck says softly, “Eds?”

His eyes are glassy, skin pale and sweaty. His chest rises and falls so, so slightly. The smile fades from his lips.

“Eddie, please, no.”

Then, Buck is disoriented by the sudden flash of overhead lights switching on and the sound of alarms blaring once again. He snaps his head up to look out into the hallway, but he can’t see the emergency doors from where he is in the elevator. 

Cautiously, he moves out from underneath Eddie’s head, pulls himself to his feet, and looks out to see open hallways. Grinning to himself, he rushes towards the stairwell and tries the door. It opens! He feels like he could collapse. 

Buck runs back to Eddie just in time to find him craning his head up to look for him, miraculously awake again. He must have gotten startled back into consciousness by the alarms and the lights. 

“Wus going on?”

“I’m gonna get you outta here,” Buck tells him, running both hands along his face and giving him a smile. “Lockdown’s lifted, we’re getting help.”

Eddie looks at him with so much wonder and bewilderment, like he doesn’t believe it. Then, he bursts into tears.

“Really?”

Buck nods and gets himself in a position to pick Eddie up off the floor. Eddie’s fingers dig into Buck’s forearm where he’s started scooping underneath him. 

“I lied– ‘M not at peace, not made any peace. Don’t wanna die. I wanna be happy. Want my joy. Want you.”

“Anything you want,” Buck says. An echo of what feels like hours ago. “Anything.”

Buck lifts him into a bridal carry, causing him to groan in pain. He makes sure he’s secure and he isn’t causing any more bleeding before he starts to walk him to the stairs. 

With each step he takes, Eddie gasps and whines into Buck’s ear. He tries to keep him as steady as he can, but he also knows they’re running out of time. Buck doesn’t know how they’ve gotten so lucky so far. 

Eddie manages to wind an arm around Buck’s neck, pulling himself closer to Buck’s chest and resting his head against him. In the stairwell, Buck hesitates. Does he go up, back to where he last saw everyone? It’s closest to the ORs, where Eddie should end up, but would anyone actually be there? Or, does he go against what common sense would tell him and take him out? 

He should call 911, he thinks for a second, then remembers his phone still laying face down on the floor of the elevator.

“People should be back inside by now, right?” Buck questions mostly to himself. 

Eddie just hums. 

Up. He’ll go up. He’ll find someone.

Halfway up to the floor, he notices a dried trail of blood that ran down the stairs. He has to tear his eyes away from it, force himself to look forward and focus on Eddie as he passes the lifeless girl in the corner of the landing.

Finally, they reach the correct floor and Buck shoulders his way through the door with a grunt. He braces himself for the worst case scenario – an empty room. 

Heads turn towards them. 

“Get a gurney!” Someone shouts. 

Buck falls to his knees. 

–

Ordering, and paying for, and carrying coffee with his dominant arm in a sling is difficult, but Buck is getting used to it. He’s got a routine going – sit with Eddie, beg the nurses not to shoo him away, talk to Chris, get himself coffee, come back. 

Thankfully, everyone else made it out just fine. Just some bumps and bruises and a lot of recovery time for Athena.

Eddie should be waking up any time now. They’re not worried, or so the doctors tell him. He just needs time to heal. He’s gotten a bit more expressive in his sleep, though, so Buck tries to make his coffee trips as fast as possible.

This time, he’s almost to Eddie’s room when he hears a familiar voice. 

“Mr. Poop!”

Buck whips his head around to see Theo and his bright, bright smile, pulling on Diedra’s hand as his little legs move him as fast as he can towards Buck.

“Theo!” Buck responds, a matching grin forming on his face. “What are you doing here?”

He crouches down, shifts his coffee to his other hand, and angles his arm out of the way just in time for Theo to throw himself into a hug. Buck melts into it. It might be the most relaxed he’s felt since before everything went to hell. 

“We were here for one last checkup,” Diedra explains, “And a little birdy told me we might run into you.”

“Yeah?” Buck tilts his head at Theo, then glances up at Diedra. “He’s okay, right?”

The second after he asks, he realizes she probably can’t tell him. He has no business knowing. But, she gives him a warm smile and tells him anyway. “Doctor gave him the all clear.”

“That’s great.” He turns his attention back to Theo, who’s poking at his sling surprisingly gently. 

“What happened to your arm?”

“I just hurt my elbow, that’s all.” Buck shrugs, then tickles the side of Theo’s arm. “You ever hit your funny bone?” 

Theo giggles and shakes his head no.

Buck’s about to say something else, but the words die in his throat when one of Eddie’s nurses approaches him. She’s unreadable, but to be fair, she always has been. She’s kind of scary.

“Mr. Buckley, I’m sorry to interrupt, but I think he’s waking up.”

Buck straightens up, free hand resting on Theo’s shoulder. His body screams at him to run into that room. He doesn’t want to cut this short, but it would kill him to let Eddie wake up alone. But then, he remembers “Love them– the kids” and decides, why not. 

“We should leave you alone–” Diedra starts. 

“Theo,” Buck interrupts, “Do you remember my friend Eddie?”

“Yeah,” he replies, nodding further up and down than he really needs to. “Mr. Eddie!”

That’s fine, Buck thinks, I’m Mr. Poop and Eddie just gets Mr. Eddie.

“Well, he got a little hurt too. Do you wanna help me make him feel better?”

He looks at Diedra, silently making sure it’s okay. She just nods at him with a knowing smile. Hey, she’s the one who came looking for Buck after all, she had to expect something like this to happen.

“How?” Theo asks. 

“I’ll show you.” Buck reaches for his hand, practically nothing in Buck’s large one. “We just have to talk to him, and give him a really good hug, but you have to make sure you’re gentle. Do you think you can do that?”

“Mhm!” Theo agrees, jumping a little in place. 

He leads him into Eddie’s hospital room, where the man in question is slowly blinking himself awake. Theo grips Buck’s hand tight, staying quieter than he’s ever been. Like he knows just as well as Buck that Eddie needs to be eased back into it. 

After a few seconds, Eddie’s eyes flutter open fully and lock onto Buck’s. He smiles lopsidedly. 

“Hey,” he croaks. 

Buck has to drop Theo’s hand to pass Eddie some water to soothe his throat, but he feels him staying close against his pant leg. It’s a bit of a surreal feeling.

“There you are,” Buck greets. “How are you feeling?”

“Like.” He definitely starts to say shit. Buck can see the way his eyes drift down to where he must be able to just catch curly blonde hair peaking above the hospital bed. “Garbage.”

Buck chuckles and slips his hand into Eddie’s. He gets a firm squeeze in return. Such a welcome difference from the weak way his fingers circled Buck’s wrist in the elevator.

“Thanks for saving my life,” he tells Buck seriously. 

“My pleasure.” He feels like he’s cried so much recently he shouldn’t be able to keep doing it, but small tears prick at his eyes just the same. “Let’s just stop making it a habit, maybe?”

Eddie huffs out a small laugh. Then, Buck feels pulling on his pant leg. 

“Buck?” Theo says quietly, barely a whisper. 

He bends down to his level, slipping his hand out of Eddie’s to run it softly along Theo’s back. “Yeah, buddy?”

He looks almost shy. “You said hugs will make him feel better.”

“I did say that, huh?” How could anyone turn away this sweet little boy? The thought of it makes Buck want to cry even more. “Should we try?”

Theo nods. 

“What do you think, Eddie?” Buck lifts Theo up awkwardly with one arm and returns to his full height. “Think a hug will make the pain go away?”

Eddie’s eyes shine with something adoring and beautiful. “Absolutely I do.” 

Buck is careful to lower Theo onto Eddie’s uninjured side, reminding him, “Gentle, gentle, gentle,” the entire way down. Once he hits the mattress of the hospital bed, he tucks his head underneath Eddie’s chin and winds his arms around his neck. 

Eddie pulls him in just as tight, nuzzling his nose in his hair. It’s like they’ve known each other forever. Then, he reaches one hand out again for Buck to take. 

“Well,” Diedra says quietly from the doorway, “I think everything is going to work out just fine.”

Yeah, Buck thinks, it is.