Chapter Text
“You, Shane Hollander, have died”
“Wha-”
“Don’t worry, you are in the Good Place.”
“I-I died?”
Shane blinks, looking around the relatively plain-looking office. The woman in front of him just kept smiling, but he felt his heart pound in his chest. He is what? “No, I can’t-” He couldn’t even finish his sentence as he felt the wind escape his breath. Where are his parents? “Shane.” He looked over, seeing the blonde woman frown, leaning over, holding her hand out. “It’s going to be ok.” Shane shook his head and leaned over, his hands gripping the edge of the desk as he put his head between his arms. He was going to have a fucking panic attack.
“Hey, Shane.” He heard the voice whisper and then felt something cold press against his wrists. His eyes widen and turn to see the woman from before pressing an ice pack to his right wrist. Is this god? Where did she get that ice pack from? “Deep breaths, slowly follow me.” Shane was too confused to panic right now, taking hold of the weird ice pack to his wrists as a way to ground himself. It was a trick that he used, putting cold water on his wrists to calm him down. How does she know to do that?
“So…I’m dead.” He was the first to speak as the two of them sat there in silence. She nods and slides over a folder. “What’s that?” She smiles and turns it to tap at the front. “This is a little about me folder.” It had his full name front and centered in a boring font. His folder was small, showing his very lackluster life. When he reached for it, she quickly dragged it back to her and opened it up.
“I’m sorry, but who are you? Are you…God?” Shane whispered, and the woman snorted. “Pff, no, not god. I am just the creator of this neighborhood in the Good Place. You can just call me Eleanor.” Shane blinked as Eleanor smiled. “Neighborhood? Good Place? You said I died, right?” She nods and closes the file again. “Yeah, you, Shane Hollander, are dead. But it is all good, because you, my friend, are in the Good Place. In the Good Place, there are different neighborhoods with a big group of people. Each neighborhood is designed by an architect.” She points to herself with a proud smile, “-who designs a place where all the residents will enjoy.”
“Wait, if I am dead, then why don’t I remember anything?” She nods, like she expected his question. “No one remembers at first how they died, for some, their deaths are very dramatic.” Shane swallows, gripping his fingers in his lap. “How…how did I die?” She pauses, purses her lips, and flips open his file, her finger tracing down the page before she stops. “Let’s give it a day before we return.” Shane frowns. Was it a bad death? Or was it something embarrassing? Did he die alone in his empty condo, choking on a grape?
“For now, let me show you around, Shane.” She jumps with a smile. She wore a striped black and white sweater and high-waisted grey slacks. Shane fumbles as he stands and follows the weird blonde out the door. Immediately, the sun started to shine on them as they left the office. “There are about a hundred people in the neighborhood. All recently died around the same time.” She remarks, her tone upbeat but sounding rehearsed, as if she had said this speech a million times.
The path leading them through shops was cobblestone. The air was nice and breezy, reminding Shane of the beginning of Summer at his parents’ cottage right on the lake. He misses them already. How did they take his death? Did they find his body? Shane bit his lip, shaking his head. He looked down at his hands. He still looked relatively young, so did that mean he died young? “And this is Janet.”
“Hi there.” Shane looked to see another woman, this one with more professional attire and a tight ponytail with a big smile. “Janet here can get you anything you need or want. You can ask her anything, and she can answer or create it. Give it a go.” Shane blinked, staring between the two expectant eyes. “Uh, a hockey puck.” With a soft ping, suddenly Janet was holding a brand new hockey puck. Shane stared at it, feeling the hard rubber. “If you ever need her, just call her name.” Shane looked up and blinked, seeing that it was just him and Eleanor left.
“Now, follow me, we can go to your house.” Shane nodded, and they turned to walk towards another smaller path. “Each house designed here is for the participants in mind.” Eleaner rambles off again as Shane continues to take everything in mind. Suddenly, they enter a path of tall trees that start to look very familiar. “And tada.” Shane blinked, his breath pausing. It was his cottage, his actual cottage. Shane didn’t wait for her to finish as he quickly walked over and brushed his hand on the exact same doorknob. “Wow.”
“That’s not all,” Eleanor muttered, pushing through the door, and they walked, and Shane gasped. Right outside was the lake; it looked to be the same lake as the one in Ottawa. It really is his cottage, his happy place. Shane swallowed, feeling his throat close up a bit. “Also, there is a special thing in the Good Place.” Shane nods, turning towards her as Eleanor smiles. “Every resident in the Good Place has a soulmate.” Oh.
Despite Shane’s big success in hockey and his big fame through hockey and advertisements. Shane has never really had a solid relationship. He has in the past tried to hook up with girls, and the very drunk time when he kissed a guy. But nothing ever got out of it; people always found him extremely weird. Though he wanted to be loved and know what it felt like to love someone. He had good examples from his parents and his friends, but never had his own chance. And he guesses that he died before he ever got the chance.
“Meet Ilya Rozanov.” Who? No fucking way. Shane’s mouth drops as there stands possibly the most annoying NHL player to ever grace the earth and now the afterlife. Ilya walked in with a smile that quickly fell as he too looked shocked. “Do you, uh, do you two know each other?” They practically gave it away the way the two of them were staring at each other. “Hollander?” Ilya whispered, his voice confused and hurt. Shane frowned, just his fucking luck. There is no way this is the Good Place if he is here.
“Well, as I was saying, you two had the highest compatibility out of everyone in the neighborhood, making you both the most perfect soulmates.” Eleanor stood there as Ilya continued to stand by the door with Shane a few feet away. “It is kind of weird, no resident has really known each other personally before. But this is good, that means you know what to talk about. Well, anyway, I will leave you two. Don’t be late for the town square meeting at 6 pm. It will go over more stuff about the Good Place. Bye!” Eleaner awkwardly shuffles around Ilya, but eyes his arms, woah, before slipping out, leaving the two in silence.
“Rozanov,” Shane says, watching Ilya straighten up and step in. “Shoes off.” Rozanov quickly pauses and then slides off his loafers and steps further inside. “Uh, how are you doing?” Shane pauses, staring Rozanov up and down. He doesn’t remember the last time he saw Rozanov. They only really see each other a few times they play with one another. Shane can feel something missing, like a puzzle piece was missing, and he can’t remember what it was or what it looked like. “Fine, though I am still dead,” Shane mutters, and Ilya nods.
“You still have your accent. Eleanor said that there are no other languages; everyone can understand each other.” Ilya nods, “Yes, I am speaking Russian right now. It is nice. Not having to translate everything every time. It is nice to talk to you without worrying that I will always sound like a fool.” Shane blinks. This might be the longest sentence Ilya has ever said to him, also probably the most honest. “I feel bad for you.” Shane frowns, what is that supposed to mean?
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Shane frowns, glaring at Ilya. “No, just that, you are too young. You have way more hockey left in you. It is sad to see that you are here, knowing that you are dead, Hollander.” Shane frowns and then nods. “Well, I guess the same for you.” Ilya nods with a sigh. “Have they told you how you died?” Shane shook his head. He was antsy; he needed to know. He was starting to spiral just thinking about it. “Me neither,” Ilya muttered softly, but his voice seemed to betray him, like he somehow already knew.
“So soulmates, who would have thought? They probably got it mixed up. Your true soulmate is hockey, so a hockey player will have to do.” Ilya jokes, and Shane frowns. “Ha, funny.” He states dryly, his arms wrapped closely around himself. This was weird, Ilya standing here in his cottage, his safe place. Ilya walks further inside, his bare feet slapping against the wood. “This is your cottage, right? The one in Ottawa?” Shane’s arms drop. “How do you know about that?”
“You had that documentary, right?”
“You saw that?” Shane was bewildered, and Ilya nodded. “It was good to put on to go to sleep.” Ilya laughed at his own joke, going further into the cottage to browse around. Shane just followed by taking note of how identical it all looked. It felt like he was actually there. But he wasn’t, and it made him stop and think for a second. “When did you get here? Like to this Place, the uh, Good Place.” Ilya turned after staring at a picture of Shane with his parents.
“Not so long ago. Maybe an hour or so ago. Eleanor dropped me off at my house, and then I met some of the other residents who are my neighbors, before I was requested to come to this house to meet my soulmate.” Something stirred in Shane’s stomach hearing the world soulmate again. But a soulmate didn’t have to be something romantic; there are plenty of soulmates that are just really close friends. Ilya and he both were at the pinnacle of hockey for their time; maybe that contributes to them being soulmates. It gets lonely at the top.
“Have you thought much about how you died?” Ilya shakes his head, still looking at the picture of Shane and his parents. “No, I don’t want to think about it.” Shane frowned; he didn’t want to either, but his brain kept reminding him. It kept reminding him he wasn’t in Ottawa or Canada. He is reminded of that movie he watched recently with the Pike girls, The Wizard of Oz. He isn’t in Kansas anymore.
“I wished that I would be able to see my Mama, though,” Ilya whispered, staring at Shane’s mom in the picture. “Yeah, she was dead right?” Ilya nodded. He donated a lot to mental health awareness and briefly talked about his mom, who suffered depression. “I wish she were here. I wanted to see her really badly.” Ilya whispers as if only talking to himself. He couldn’t hide behind Russian anymore now that he was here. “Oh,” Shane muttered, not knowing what to say. “Uh, maybe you can ask that one lady here. Uh, her name was Janet, I th-”
“Hi there”
“AH!” Ilya jumps, gripping his chest as he turns to see Janet standing beside him with a big smile. “Hi, I’m Janet. The helper of the neighborhood. We haven’t met yet.” She smiles at Ilya, who was looking at her in horror. “You. Where did you come from?” He started to look around the cottage as if to see a latch door. “I appear when you call my name.” Ilya nods. “Janet can bring you anything you want and can answer any question.” Janet nods, turning to Ilya. “How can I help you today?”
“Uh, my Mama. Where is she?” Janet blinked before a sad smile appeared on her face. “Your mom is not in this neighborhood. For now, you can’t visit her. There will be more information later on at the town square meeting about the neighborhood and the rules.” Ilya looked so heartbroken and just nodded. Janet also looked upset. “I’m sorry, Ilya.” Ilya nodded, looking up and blinking back something. “Oh, you said my name right.” Janet nodded. “Well, of course I did. It is your name.”
Janet then disappeared in front of their eyes, and Ilya sighed, rubbing at his eye. “I thought I would finally be able to see her again.” Shane frowned. If she weren’t in this neighborhood, perhaps she would be somewhere else. If there was a Good Place, perhaps there was another place, the Bad Place. But Shane doesn’t want to hurt Ilya’s feelings by bringing that up. “When was the last time you were with her?” Shane asked as Ilya sighed, sliding onto the couch, and Shane quickly followed. Might as well get to know his soulmate better than the tabloids do.
“I was 12,” Ilya muttered, picking at a pillow’s thread. “Oh, I’m so sorry.” Ilya just shrugs, his eyes looking distant and misty as he continues to stare at the thread count on the pillow. “Maybe we just have to go through some orientation, and then we can be free to visit anywhere.” Ilya just nods, and Shane sighs. “So, uh, what's your favorite food besides, like, vodka?” Ilya cracks a smile, looking up. “Do you even have a favorite food besides, like, carrots?” Ilya mocks him right back.
“Carrots?”
“Yeah, because you are a little rabbit with your diet.” Shane gasps as Ilya laughs. “I have you know, I do have a favorite food that is not carrots. I like poutine, I obviously can’t have it often, but-” Shane is quickly cut off by Ilya’s exaggerated fake gagging. “Of course, you, Canadian boy, liked poutine. That shit is disgusting.” Shane rolls his eyes. “Says you. The amount of stuff I have seen you eat, I am surprised you don’t like it.”
“Soggy fries? Hell no.” Ilya responds by shaking his head, and his curls bounce and catch the light. He looks like an angel as he laughs at Shane. It causes Shane to pause and take Ilya in. The sun seemed to make him glow as he threw his head back to laugh for a second. Wow. “I like Russian cake, Medovik, or I think it can be called Honey cake. It is a layered cake with honey and milk; it was also my Mama’s favorite.” Ilya gave a sad smile, and Shane could only internally smack himself. So much for trying to distract him.
.
The two left right before 6 to head over. Shane was worried that people would recognize them. What would they say that the two of them are soulmates? It looks bad, for sure, the two rivals turned soulmates. But surely people in the Good Place are not homophobic, right? But not that Ilya and Shane are gay for each other, they could be soulmates, like soulmates are the best of friends. But that makes Shane sad; that means he really doesn’t have a soulmate. That there is no one out there for him and that even in his death, he will be alone.
Eleanor was standing there with a sash reading ‘architect’ in a black mini dress. She was talking with a tall older guy with a suit and glasses, maybe another architect or an angel? Most of the seats were filled when they got there, and Shane elected to take the first seats available in the back, wanting to go unnoticed. Ilya followed behind him, and they sat.
“Welcome, residents!” Eleanor shouts, and two big screens appear behind her. “I am Eleanor, and you all are in the Good Place in neighborhood #2481.” Shane blinked. There is no fucking way. Ilya snorted beside him and pointed to the screens, which did indeed have their jersey numbers. This is not the Good Place; this is Shane’s personal hell. Eleanor continued, detailing what the Good Place was. How they all got points for every action they did, and those points led them to getting into the Good Place.
“One of the residents would like to make a statement.” Soon, a tall, beautiful woman graced the stage with a dazzling smile. “I all, I am Tahani Al-Jamil, and I am throwing a gala as a way for us to all meet each other and start on a good day within the Good Place.” Eleanor clapped and nodded while Shane was squinting at Tahani. He knows her; her face looks familiar, he is sure of it.
“Feel free to mingle, the party starts at 9. Attire is cocktail wear. You won’t miss my house, but I will say the address, in case.” With that, Tahani slid off the stage and went to talk with Eleanor and the guy from earlier. Shane could swear they were looking over at them. “So are you going to the party?” Shane turned, watching as Ilya slouched in the chair. “I suppose so.” Ilya nodded, “I will too, hopefully they will have good vodka in the Good Place.”
“Shane.” Shane looked to see Eleanor walking over with the tall man from before. “This is Michael, he is my assistant.” Michael smiled and held his hand out. “I heard that you are an athlete, you play on the ice, right? Fascinating.” Michael snapped his finger with a laugh, and Shane nodded. “Yes, ice hockey.” Michael nods his head, tapping his chin. “So, have you explored any part of the neighborhood yet?”
“Ah, no. Not since you took me through it.” Eleanor nods, and Shane stares between the two. They are being awfully weird. “Well, how is it with you and Ilya-” Shane quickly stops her, “Eel- ya.” She blinks as Shane corrects her pronunciation. “Oh yes, sorry. Il-ya. How have you two been? Talked at all? You both played hockey, right? Sorry, I've never really been into sports much.”
“Uh, it is ok. Yeah, we played against each other.” It felt silly to talk about their intense rivalry in front of two possibly angels. He still didn’t understand this place. “Shane Hollander.” Shane turns to see the woman from before, Tahani. “I recognize you.” She points, and it was then Shane took notice that she also had an obvious British accent, so if anyone had an accent, it still was heard here. “Uh, yes. I did a lot of brand trips and deals. Maybe at a fashion show?”
“Yes, of course,” She snaps, “2012, during Paris Fashion week, you were there for Louis Vuitton.” Shane nods. “Well, it is wonderful to see you again, despite the rather sad circumstances. I hope that you will attend my gala tonight.” Shane nods, his media polite smile on his lips. “I’m looking forward to attending tonight.” Tahani nods. “Will your soulmate be there too?” Oh. “Yes, I think they will be there as well.”
“Splendid.” Tahani smiled, clapping her hands together. Shane quickly excused himself and briefly saw a guy dressed like a monk walking over to the group he had left. This place is way too weird. He quickly followed the route back to his house and sighed, breathing in the crisp, clean air. He really didn’t want to go tonight, but out of duty and respect, he must. Walking to his closet, he was pleasantly surprised to see a suit hanging, pressed and ready for him to wear.
Tahani’s house was ginormous. She had about 3 fountains in the front spraying water so high that Shane thought it would rival the height of this mansion. Rose bushes were lining the walkways, and above those bushes were shrubs carved and cut to look like Tahani statues. Ilya practically snorted when he pointed to the first shrub. They both happened to run into each other at the front of Tahani’s gate.
They followed most of the guests inside, where light music played and Janet was walking around with shoots of champagne. “Uh, Janet, where is the bar?” Janet pointed over to the corner. “It is well served. It has every resident’s favorite drink.” Well, good, because Shane wasn’t in the mood to actually drink. The two walked over, and Ilya let out a gasp of joy, running and grabbing a hefty bottle and placing a kiss on it. “They got the good stuff.” He quickly reaches for a short glass and pops the lid to pour out into his cup, filling it about halfway. “And it is perfectly chilled, this really is the Good Place.”
Shane looked over and let out a soft sigh, seeing the Canada Dry ginger ale. “Oh, they even got your boring drink.” Shane rolled his eyes, flicking the tab and taking a sip. Despite it also sitting out, it was cooled perfectly inside, and there wasn’t any condensation on the outside that usually got Shane peeved. “Let’s go mingle,” Ilya muttered, taking a long sip of his vodka and letting out a contented sigh. Shane would rather not go and show his face everywhere to everyone, but if Ilya does most of the talking, that works.
They walk over to an older couple who smile towards them. Ilya launches into conversation, flowing easily out of him. The two just recently met; one was a doctor who was raising money against malaria, while the other was a dentist providing free health care for kids in poverty. So both were a perfect match for each other, and both were straight. Shane felt out of place, looking around to see that more pairings had the same number of women and men. There looked to be no same gender couples anywhere.
“So are you two soulmates?” Shane turned around, seeing the woman’s smiling look. “Uh.” Shane looked towards Ilya, who was tapping at his glass. “No.” “Yes.” Both turned towards each other in shock at the other’s words. “We are still figuring it out,” Ilya responds, and the couple blink, but nod. “I see.” Ilya smiles politely and takes another big gulp of his vodka. “So, do you two enjoy vodka at all?” The older male chuckles. “You know, I was just about to ask about what you are drinking.” Ilya quickly guides them to the bar to show off his bottle, and Shane stands by the pillar watching them walk away. Why did Ilya say no, and why did he say yes?
“Hello, everyone. I just wanted to thank you all for coming by. Feel free to enjoy any of the activity centers I have here. We have 10 tennis courts, 2 large swimming pools, 3 basketball courts, and even an ice rink.” Tahani laughs, shrugging her shoulders. But she didn’t seem to realize that Shane was activated by those last words. Oh, what he would give to be on an ice rink right now. “Tahani.” She turned with a big smile. “Oh?! Shane.” Shane froze up, feeling her hand grab his shoulder and lean over to kiss his cheek. She doesn’t seem bothered by his frozen state. “I am so glad you came.”
“Uh, yes, so-” She starts to quickly look around. “Where is your soulmate? I heard from Eleanor that they are a dashing blonde.” She remarks with a wink, and Shane gulps. “Somewhere, anyway. I wanted to ask about that ice rink.” Tahani blinks before looking back down at him, her heels giving her some extra height. “Oh? Yes, it is down that hall, to the right, then left, then a few more, then you will reach the stairwell, go down two flights, and then a right, and there it is. There should also be skates in every size. Go and have fun, Darling.” She leaves with a wink before greeting another guest. Shane blinks; he doesn’t remember any of what she said.
He will just need to find that stairwell, and he should be good, it is next to a stairwell. So he fixes his suit and walks out of the ballroom area, turning to the right. The hallways were a lot quieter, making him let out a sigh of relief, the music and chatter dying to a minimum. All he heard as he made a left was his footsteps clicking on the polished and shining floors. He couldn’t imagine what it took to clean this place.
He stopped and looked around. The hallway felt endless. He sighed, rubbing his eyebrow. “Janet?” He still flinched when she appeared with a smile. “Hi there!” He nods, “Can you help me find Tahani’s ice rink?” She nods and then points forward. “Yes, follow me.” She walks and then turns to open a door, and there is the stairwell, well ok. They continue down and exit through another door to the right, and she opens a big door. Immediately, they are graced by the cold room, and Shane takes a big gulp of air. It smelled familiar. The cold ice, the rough leather, he could practically hear the crowd and the familiar sound of skates on ice.
“Oh, looks like you have company.” Shane blinks and looks to see what looks to be Ilya in skates, leisurely moving around with his stick and puck. “Do you wish to have your skates and stick?” Shane nods. Janet quickly hands over the items before disappearing. Ilya still didn’t seem to notice that Shane arrived, still circling with no intent, watching the puck. Shane was reminded of their first rookie season when he saw Ilya on the rooftop the night of the award ceremony, when Shane walked away as the rookie of the year.
Shane wanted to go up to him, but he ended up getting cold feet. He stood there and watched as Ilya smoked on the balcony, staring down. His eyes reflected the colorful lights from below. Shane felt like a part of him stepped over to Ilya and talked to him. Asked him why he was up here. He wanted to see Ilya after he won, wanted Ilya to look at him, and maybe congratulate him. But that never happened.
“Hey.” Ilya whipped around to see Shane skate over. “You found me,” Ilya remarks, and with a quick flick, he sends the puck to Shane’s stick. “Seems like we have similar ideas. You just beat me here.” Ilya laughs, “Yes, I do that a lot.” Shane sighs and leisurely skates with the puck towards the open net. They had no gear on, so Shane wanted to be careful. But in the Good Place could people break bones or get hurt? Probably not. Ilya raced behind him, and Shane quickened his pace and quickly shot the puck into the net. A buzz sounded across the empty room.
“Nice goal,” Ilya remarks, and Shane’s heart stutters, remembering this comment. “Nice assist.” He grins, smiling towards Ilya’s matching one. Their goal was during the only time they played together ever within the NHL. The puck glides across the ice away from them as Ilya slides closer to Shane. Shane was breathing a bit heavy from the exertion and felt his breath stutter as he watched Ilya slide till he was a breath away. Shane’s eyes fluttered from Ilya’s shining eyes to his lips. They were parted also because of Ilya’s heavy breaths.
“Can.” Ilya paused, licking his lips, and Shane already knew his answer. “Can I-”
“Yes.” Ilya let his stick clatter to the ground and kicked off with his skate to gather Shane’s face into his hands and pressed his lips to Shane. Shane also dropped his stick, something he would never willingly do when he was alive, to grab at Ilya’s suit jacket. But he guesses he would have never kissed Ilya when he was alive. The two of them wobble on their skates as they kiss. Ilya parts his lips and sucks on Shane’s upper lip, and Shane eagerly follows. Fuck, this was really gay. Were they really soulmates? All Shane could think was that he really wished they were able to do this when they were still alive. Kissing each other right in front of the goal on the ice. Wouldn’t that be something?