Chapter Text
The sheer and horrible inner reality of one.
Every human is a slave to an ideal, the ideal may be a cause, a person, a feeling, a desire to be free and it may be the desire to finally, finally be with that person. One may do everything it would take to accomplish this ideal. Even if this road may lead to the destruction of themselves and those around them. The road may be overgrown with weeds or it may be clear as the road to heaven itself. What it might take for one to hold themselves straight while walking on this road may require the most harrowing acts humanity has ever done. One may do these acts absentmindedly to clear the road and the destiny for one. The acts may be breaking the neck of a lamb it may also be tricking the confused sheep to into its own hole of despair. Even though burdened with guilt, they had to keep moving no matter what. For Eren it was freedom, for Annie it was her father. For both, the road was smothered with weeds and they had to burn it. Even if they heard the cries of children in the flames slowly raising to the sky, but they couldnt reach out and hold the innocent weak little hand with their big, calloused, painted with blood ones. For they didnt want to dirty those lambs. No, no they must not save them even if their inmost self are begging, begging to god and begging to the one who is controlling the acts the body has done. One may hate anyone who tries to dissuade him from this road. In the end, one may condemn someone or blame someone for their own actions.
This road may even lead to the -
"DEATH! DEATH! DEATH!"
The people cried with the contempt and the vengeance that has piled up in their hearts against the titans. The sounds were almost deafening in the ears of the three children, Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman, Armin Arlert. Before Armin could say anything another wave appeared,
"KILL THOSE TITANS COMMANDER ERWIN!"
After the one person shouted the praise and the plead, others followed. Armin's words died in his throat, for they knew it was futile to be free.
Or the futile thing was his own will?
The three heard someone rambling behind them, voice carried the sentiment of the crowd,
"Those damn titans, they took my brother!" She cried.
"Was he one of the scouts?" The other one inquired.
"Yes," after catching his breath, "Yes he was a scout, for he had the most potential in his heart!"
"His eyes," She continued "Oh! His eyes were filled with determination, for he had seen how his childhood friends didnt come back from the fall of the wall! He had sworn, looking at my eyes and do not doubt my words man. For his eyes may have been childish but his words were the wise mans words."
The three were already listening to the womans cries.
"He had sworn that he would kill every last one of them, that he wouldnt leave a single one of them alive. I knew that he couldnt accomplish this, me and my mother tried and begged, oh! Begged him to dissuade him from his cause, showed him the harsh reality of the titans. But wasnt he an obdurate boy?"
Upon hearing the fallen soldier's fate, something different awakened inside of each of their hearts. Armin felt fear, for he thought of the possibility of sharing the same fate with that soldier. Mikasa however only drowned inside of her thoughts, "What if Eren shares the same fate?" She wondered. Eren, Eren felt an entirely different tenor. He felt pride, even though the soldier wasnt his relative by blood. But, for him they were relative. For they believed in the same cause. Eren thought the ultimate reward would be to die for one cause for he didnt know that dying for a cause was immaturity but living for a cause was entirely noble.
But Eren turned around and absentmindedly started talking to that woman,
"You must be proud ma'am, he died with dignity and honour for the cause he believed in. I hope i can be l-" He was cut off by the woman,
"How dare you speak to me like that? You say he died with honour, then tell me how do you know? Did you speak with him in his grave? Were you there when he died? Or did his mortal soul resurrected? I swear to God that i have not heard anything from him. Your eyes are dirty, bairn. I'll pray to God for your eyes to open when you become an adult."
Just when Eren was going to retaliate the priest nearby supported the woman,
"The woman is right, its blasphemy! One should not anger the god, for if he does not want to face his wrath! The walls will protect us! You youngster, you should drop that act of obduration in your eyes." The Priest ejaculated.
"What do you know about me Priest? For all of you only live off the taxes of the commoners, but we put our lives in the most dangerous and dark alley.
I refuse to be a cage animal like you. I refuse to dance for the liking of someone." Meanwhile Armin listened to The Priest, Mikasa however did not. She stayed nearby Eren, and looked at The Priest with her eyes. Her eyes were piercing through The Priest's head. But he didnt seem to be affected by it. Her eyes were like a poison for him, but he was already immune to the poison for a long time.
"Watch your words child, for i may not know who you are but truly you dont know who i am. Have you ever been face to face with a titan? If so did you ever try to save someone from one?" The priest continued without waiting for an answer, "I did, and all the people can vouch for me. Let me tell you a story child, so that may burn away those weeds tangling in your brain.
When the Shiganshina fell, i was running towards the gate with all my power that was left. I heard the screams of the nearby people, begging for their life, begging for their childrens life. But it was no avail, titans didnt listen to them. I ran, I ran, I ran. Until i heard a voice, at first i thought it might be a voice of an angel, or a lamb. It was the latter. I looked at the direction where the voice came, upon my surprise the lamb wasnt crying. In fact he was serene. He was held in his mother's arms.
Even if my body begged me to run away, i listened to my inmost heart. I pulled out my knife, planning to cut the titans feet so the mother and the lamb may escape. But just when i was about to do such an act, the lamb fell towards me. In the last second i caught him in my arms, instantly his mother started begging to me. "Run! Run! Take him away i beg you!"
I started running away, i closed the lambs eyes and ears for i didnt want him to hear and see the death of his own mother. But before doing so i had taken a look at his face. He had the face of an angel, his eyes were closed, his lips were red i'll even go far as to say that he was smiling. Despite the death of his mother, even though he was just a baby i knew that he was aware of the death of his mother, perhaps he knew that she'll rejoice in heaven for him? I had thought that the resurrection day had come." After telling the cadets about the story, he absentmindedly looked somewhere else.
"Now, you fledgling cadet. I know that you may not want to change your view of the world. For truly it may destroy who you are. For you are a sapling, and that idea swarmed you and left nothing else inside of it."
Upon hearing the story of the Priest, Eren beckoned his group to walk away. Armin joined them after quickly apologizing to the woman and the Priest.
After they put some distance, Armin always the curious one started inquiring.
"I wasnt expecting a priest to do such an act, although i sensed something weird about him. I hope i am not alone in this."
"You're not, he seems like he's hiding something. What more can you expect from a priest?" Eren rebuked.
"Not every priest is the same Eren," Armin said but he knew there was no avail, "What are your thoughts about him?"
"I dont believe him, why would i? Why believe a priest out of everyone?" Eren remarked.
"Even though, he seemed rather brave. Not being a soldier and still have the courage to attack a titan with just a knife," Mikasa said.
"Dont let him get to your head Mikasa," Eren responded, "Once you start believing him you end up with..." After a sigh he continued, "Whatever, it doesnt even matter."
"I couldnt do such a thing," Armin continued, "I cant even bare the thought of seeing titans in the end." Eren didnt seem to listen any longer, "But i do admire his courage." Armin said.
Eren gave a paradoxical laughter catching the attention of both, "Wouldnt it be hilarious to find him drunk next to a bar one day?"
That night at the boys barracks.
The only sound carried by the air was the snoring of the fellow cadets.
But Eren couldnt join them. He looked at the ceiling with wide open eyes, afraid of something that isnt there. He propped himself up with one elbow, put one hand over his head and rubbed it slowly. Perhaps if he were to rub it enough it would never come. He surrendered to the overwhelming need of sleep and lay down.
He tried to lift the log that was crushing his mothers leg, but even with the help of Mikasa he could not. It was futile. Until the footsteps echoed in the street. He saw a man dressed in black.
"Please, for the love of God help my children to lift the log!" His mother cried. The man stopped after hearing the plea of the mother, he looked at the children. Eren however looked at him with awe. Like an angel descended to help them. Hilariously the man ran away without looking behind him once more. Erens mother cursed at him. Mikasa and he started trying to lift the log up again. With all their might and power. Eren hoped for something to give him the power to lift this log up ten thousand times. The heavy footsteps were becoming more audible with each second.
"Mikasa! Take Eren and run away!" The mother ejaculated.
"No! We wont leave you here, i'll lift the log. You'll see!" Eren said.
"Just for once listen to me!"
But Eren did not hear her, he tried and tried and tried to lift the log with Mikasa. Until the footsteps were smouldering any other sound.
He instantly propped himself up and beckoned his hand towards the window. His hands were open trying to reach for something. After a few seconds he gave answer, "Ah," He sighed. He looked around until his gaze fell upon Armin who was looking at him with deep worry. Though his eyes were filled with contemplation.
"Are you okay Eren?" He inquired.
"Yeah im just... sick of seeing this cursed dream every single day."
"Well, at least youre not waking everyone up with your screams any more. Thats something right?" He said, trying to lift up his mood.
"Yeah, thats something... Why did you wake up so early?"
"Because you've woken me up. With all the tossing and turning around you've done up here." Armin answered, "Well, anyway forget about that. Lets take a walk, while its still serene out there with no one around."
"I must admit, you always ask me that and my answer doesnt change. I admire your determination."
"Thanks, but if you really want to pursue your goal you must gradually improve yourself. And that, that includes early morning walks. And dont give me that look, it gives calmness to your mind. How else will you be able to kill titans?"
After a few seconds of pondering Eren responded with, "Alright, lets go for a early morning walk," He said with a mock tone.
After they wore their uniform they stepped outside.
"Doing this while we're the only one who is taking early morning walks," Eren said while breathing fresh air.
"Thats not true," Armin responded, "Reiner and Bertolt sometimes take early morning walks as well. Though not sometimes, just very rarely. Didnt you notice?"
"I got too much on my mind to care about anyone's business Armin. Even though, they seem a little more distant lately. Have you noticed that? They were pretty social when we had just started training. Now they dont even talk much. Such a good thing that i am not like them. If i were, i would kneel and beg to you. And thats also a good thing, for that never will happen." Eren said.