Chapter Text
Pomni caught a glimpse of Jax before he ever said anything, the purple in the corner of her vision standing out against the black and grey of everything else.
“Hey, Pomni—”
She looked at him, waiting patiently. He walked right up to her, how could she not?
That flicker of hope that flared up in her chest hurt.
She’d been so worried about everyone lately, that her worry for him had had to be put on the backburner. She needed to prioritize the people who would actually talk to her, people who wanted to be helped.
Did Jax want to be helped?
Whether he wanted it or not, there was no question that he needed it. He’d lashed out at Kinger, which was more than she had seen him do in a while. Yelled at him, pushed him, when really Jax had never seemed to be trying to hurt Kinger before. Had never been violent toward Kinger as far as Pomni could tell. As far as words went, he called Kinger crazy constantly. Compared to other things he said and did, it wasn't that bad, and while insensitive, wasn’t entirely wrong. Jax had been the first to separate from the rest of the group. The difference was that everyone else had come back to it eventually.
Day and night were a little bit of a mystery at the moment, what with the lack of colors and the fact that the sun and the moon weren’t doing their jobs. Taking her best guess, it probably took Ragatha a few days to come ask what they were doing, ask if she could help. She always did care.
Zooble and Gangle showed up at the same time, holding hands. It was a strong show of support which both surprised her and filled her with a sense of relief. It was good to see the two of them close like that again, after Zooble had been unreceptive to Gangle’s touch when the circus came crashing down. They needed something stable, they needed each other.
Which brought her back to Jax.
He needed someone to be there for him. They all needed that, because they were human. Despite it being really fucking weird to think about, even though they were only files in a computer somewhere, they were still human in every way where it counted, and humans needed each other.
So Pomni noticed Jax, noticed the glimmer in his eyes that could have been fear, could have been hope. She wanted it to be hope. She was ready to welcome him back in as much of a casual manner as he needed in order for him to not feel like she was faking it. She was ready to do whatever was needed to let him know he was one of them. She would —
Jax’s eyes darted away, and two words slipped out as he walked away.
“Never mind.”
What could she do?
Was there even anything she could do if he didn’t want help? Anything that would matter?
They’d seen firsthand what Jax could be like when he felt uncomfortable or scared. Anything she could even think about doing would probably set him off. It was hard to tell if there was a right thing to do. But that was it, wasn’t it? If she did nothing because she was scared of messing up, and no one else did anything because they were scared of getting hurt, or didn’t think to reach out, there really was only one way this would end. It wouldn’t matter their reasons because Jax would be gone.
That ending would come now or further down the line. It would come for them all eventually. But if she could help delay it, even by a few weeks, a few days. If she could just try…
Maybe it was selfish of her. It definitely was. She would rather blame herself for an action she actually did because it had the potential of being what tipped Jax over to abstraction than have to deal with the aftermath of knowing that she did nothing and let him abstract alone.
Her mind made up, Pomni watched until Jax was out of view before she cautiously took a step in that direction. She didn't want to be too loud, too fast. The memory of stumbling away from him as he pushed her away from their hug lingered in her mind.
Surprisingly, the path Jax took wasn’t toward the player rooms. It didn't quite feel like a thought out path either, like he was a stick in a river, being pushed by something outside his control. It wasn't really likely in a literal sense — Caine was gone, and the moon and sun were bare shadows of themselves. There was no one left to guide them.
No one left to try to ‘keep them sane’ but them.
Her legs, along with most of her avatar, were a lot smaller than Jax’s, so he quickly outpaced her. He was somewhere up ahead, having just vanished out of view.
Her pulse was racing. She didn’t know why she had such a terrible feeling about this.
She stopped for a moment, putting her hands on her knees to catch her breath. The relative silence broke with the sound of shattering glass. She knew where he was now.
Pomni ran toward the cafe. She was making too much noise. Everything was going to go wrong. She should have done something sooner. What was she even going to do when she found him?
She was in the doorway to the cafe now. She remembered the last time she was here. Sure, she had been studded with knives like a pincushion. Everyone had been suffering. But in a way, there was a part of her that wished she could rewind time to that moment. Have a do-over.
Behind the counter of the bar, Pomni could see the tips of Jax's ears. They looked solid, real.
Maybe she wasn't too late.
Maybe she was overthinking this.
Then she noticed the soft pink and blue flickering against the counter across from him.
No.
“Jax?” she asked.
There was no answer. The lights flickered softly, relaxing. They invited her in.
Pomni shook her head violently. She climbed over the counter, and there was Jax, his eyes pulsing the colors of an abstraction. He was shaking.
“Jax?!” Pomni yelled.
He didn’t move, didn’t turn to look at her. Just trembled harder, like he was having a seizure.
Pomni reached out to shake him by the overalls, jerked away as her hand sparked and started glitching, but she couldn’t leave him like this. So, resolve hardening, she sat down next to him and hugged him.