Chapter Text
It had been 2 years since John had passed. 2 long, cold years of emptiness. The Bridgerton household continued as usual, Violet making sure everything was kept in order.
Francesca sat beside her piano, hands still over the keys. Since her beloved husband's passing, she had found it hard to play anything. She remembered the great memories they had shared in this very room. When she did play something, every chord sounded wrong. Nothing worked together, despite her best efforts. As a tear rolled down her cheek, her sister Eloise entered the room.
“Francesca! I am surprised you are not playing. I was just out in the ton with Pen…”. She notices the tear rolling down her cheek, Francesca too slow to wipe it away. She strides over to her and takes a seat. She wraps her arms around Francesca, letting her gently sob into her side. They stay like this for a few moments. Once the sobbing slowed, Eloise broke the silence.
“If you would like to talk about it, I am here” she whispered, gently stroking Francesca’s back. She sits up in her seat a little. “I don’t know what to do. Pianoforte was my release. Ever since John…”. Her breath hitched on the last word. She still struggled to say his name. He had been her person. She missed him greatly. Eloise pulled her in tighter. “Everything I play sounds wrong. Old compositions sound flat and boring. And as for new ones, well there is not any. My brain blanks as soon as I take my seat here. I just remember…”.
This time she starts crying loudly, her ugly sobs softened in Eloise’s side. Eloise felt her heart ache at the sight of her. Francesca had always been the sibling she felt most protective towards. She never looked for attention, just company to make the silence less lonely. If anything, she had mastered how to hide.
As a child, she slipped into the background of her family's lives. Whenever the siblings played hide and seek, she would usually come out the victor, hidden in some forgotten corner of the house, the others searching for her in vain. She never hid out of disobedience or mischief. She hid for solitude, a place where she felt the happiest.
As she grew up, those hiding places became few and far between. She traded cupboards for the piano, the notes and melodies expressing feelings she couldn’t put words to. When the piano failed her, she used her imagination, disappearing into stories and worlds she carefully crafted.
Violet knew not to interrupt her daughter's train of thought. She never quite understood Francesca’s quiet mind, but she knew it was where her daughter found her peace.
Now, even that had failed her. As she continued to sob into Eloise’s side, her brain flashed through images of the past. John, still in their bed. The casket sitting in their drawing room. The images came in waves, each sending her into a deeper level of pain.
“It is all my fault,” Francesca said between sobs. Eloise’s face faltered. “Fran..” she tried, no words coming to help her. “It is. I failed at my wifely duties. I robbed him of the opportunities he deserved.
~~~~
Francesca sat in the drawing room, slowly sipping her tea. She was wearing her usual black outfit, still in the mourning stage. Footsteps down the hall pulled her out of her daydream. She sat up straighter, fixing her hair. Her mother, Violet, entered the room.
“Francesca! How are you dear?” she said as she sat down beside her. “Good, mama,” she replied. They sat together in silence for a moment, the rain outside creating a relaxing pattern as it pelted off the glass. Francesca turned to her mother. “I have an idea, mama”. Violet turned to face her properly, a look of hope on her face. “Do you wish to return to the marriage market? A young fellow asked me…” Violet started. “Mama! I do not wish to return to the market. Not now, not ever. John was my one true love. A love match” Francesca scoffed. Violet's expression fell. “I was only asking a mere question, dear” she said softly.
“I wish to return to Scotland, mama,” Francesca said, shifting in her chair slightly. She was nervous for her mothers answer. “Why? Has something happened to Michaela?” ,her mother asked. Michaela was John's favourite cousin. The life of the party and the shoulder to cry on. She had helped Francesca greatly after his death. She stayed during the rough nights. But then she left. In the night. Without telling anyone.
Francesca’s breath hitched. Michaela. “I just wish to see how things are going with the estate. I do not want anything to tarnish John's good name. That’s all” she uttered. “I’m sure Michaela is doing well. She always helped with the estate and John's many parliamentary endeavours. She is a well capable woman. You should know that. I thought you two were close.” Violet responded. Francesca’s body tensed. She turned to face forward.
“I have not spoken to her since she decided to leave without telling me. She did not even leave a note.”. Violet shifted in her seat. She had not known things had been left like this. Now she knew why her daughter had been so cold whenever her name had been brought up. “I did not know this had happened. Why did you not tell me” Violet asked. Francesca thought about her answer for a bit. She didn’t know why she didn’t tell her.
“I did not want to bother you with such a non issue. She wanted to leave. That is her decision. It is clear she did not enjoy my company” Francesca said. “Francesca! You know that is not true. She cared for you deeply. I’m sure the grief was too much for her. And sooner or later, she had to return to Kilmartin estate. Someone had to take care of John's legacy.” Violet said softly. “She didn’t even leave a note,” Francesca said, voice breaking.
“If you are sure you want to return, you shall. But you must bring Eloise” Violet said as she stood up, already leaving, not wanting to hear her daughter's pleas. Francesca sat still for a moment, thinking about her decision. She called over her lady’s maid.
“Sarah, fetch Eloise for me”
~~~~
There was a lot of noise in the Bridgerton household. Well, there always was, but today was extra loud. Maids were running around, carrying clothes and bags full of personal items. Francesca sat outside in her carriage, waiting not so patiently for Eloise. Eloise had always found her way to disrupt things, and today was no different. All of a sudden, she came sprinting out of the house, hair and clothes a mess. She jumped into the carriage, ignoring the stable boy's hand.
“You look awful. What if the people of the ton were to see you?” Francesca asked. Eloise let out a great laugh. “I thought you knew me better, Fran. One of the reasons I agreed to this trip was to escape the ton. They are deeply annoying” she said through a few laughs. Francesca sighed. She should have expected this answer. Eloise had always been like this. Since a young age, she had always rejected any sign of “class”. She sat hunched over, slurped her tea and spoke most unladylike. Through her mothers best efforts, she remained untamed and unapologetically herself. Francesca pretended to disapprove, but deep down she admired her greatly. Sometimes she wished she could act like her.
~~~~
The gravel underfoot started to rumble, waking Eloise. Francesca jolted up right. They rushed towards the window. In it, they saw Kilmartin Estate in all its glory. Grey Scotland couldn’t even dim its beauty, its clean finish standing out against the harsh countryside. Francesca took a deep breath. She had not been here since her and John's honeymoon. Seeing it, being here, brought back too many memories. From good ones to rather dark ones, she had experienced every feeling in this house.
Eloise extended her hand out to meet Francesca’s, the latter's beginning to fill with tears. She tried to push them down, as she had done with many emotions before. The carriage screamed to a halt, the horses announcing their arrival. The girls exited the carriage and walked slowly towards the door, the cold nipping at them. A surprised butler let them in. “Lady Kilmartin! Lady Bridgerton! How nice to see you again. I did not know you were arriving. If I did I could’ve-“ he started. “All is well. Thank you” Francesca uttered. They walked into the center of the hall, taking a proper look at their old home. Eloise had accompanied the pair on their honeymoon, so she knew this place well. And then they saw her. A very shocked Michaela Stirling.
“Francesca! Eloise! What are you doing here?” she exclaimed, bounding towards them and hugging them. Eloise returned the hug immediately, while Francesca stood awkwardly, body stiff. Eloise noticed immediately, storing this information for later. “I did not receive a letter. If I knew you were to arrive, I would have things better prepared. The estate is quite a mess at the moment. The tenants have been… angry. Poor harvests, you know the way” Michaela said, taking a step closer to Eloise. “We did not send a letter. We did not see the need” Francesca said coldly. Michaela’s face dropped ever so slightly. As always, Eloise noticed this. “I think what Francesca meant to say is that we are family! There is no need for formal inquiries, " Eloise said with a practiced smile.
“You must fill me in on all the news from the ton. As much as I hate the people, they do live quite interesting lives” Michaela said with her usual charm, tilting her head. Francesca’s body tensed even more. Eloise was sure if Michaela uttered another word, she might collapse. Why was she being so weird? She started walking towards her room, not saying a word. Eloise looked at Michaela, a shared look of concern on their faces. “I’m so sorry, Eloise,” Michaela whispered. “What happened?” She asked.
Eloise and Michaela were good friends. While on the honey moon, they had grown close while the married pair fulfilled marital acts and what not. They talked like sisters. So this coldness scared Eloise. What had she done? “Come with me,” Michaela said under her breath. Eloise followed close behind her, eager to find out. “It is not that big of a secret, but if Fran has not told you yet she must not want it to be known.” Michaela said as she continued strolling through the estate. Classic Micheala. Being a gentlewoman. “ I really do feel bad for what I did to Fran. She did not deserve that” she continued. “Fran”. Eloise did not know they were that close. Fran was reserved for family only.
They finally arrived at Michaela’s drawing room. There was already tea laid out for them. Eloise took her preferred seat, not waiting for Michaela. “So? Do tell” Eloise said, slouching deeper into her chair. “I left without warning. I left overnight. I did not even leave a note” she said, back turned away from Eloise. She sat there for a second, trying to understand. “Why?” Was all Eloise could utter. Michaela took a deep breath. “I would tell you. I really would. But if I were to tell you, you would run. It is truly something wicked” she said quietly, voice unusually shaky. “I’m sure nothing you could say would ever change my opinion of you” Eloise said calmly. Michaela’s head began racing.
She knew this was not true. She trusted Eloise and knew she was a kind soul, but this kind of secret could have you killed. Shunned from society, at the very least. She had kept this secret her whole life. Only John knew. He was the purest of souls. He had defended her, protected her and made her feel safe. But things tripled in complexity when Francesca became a part of the mix. She remembered the first day they met so easily.
John had spoken of Francesca so fondly. He was elated to introduce the two. They were at a ball. Michaela had returned to accompany them on their ride to Scotland. John led her over to a pair of women. And her heart stopped. Her breath caught. In front of her stood the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. And she held her breath, hoping, wishing, praying that it was not Francesca. It was. Once she heard that, her heart dropped. While she was happy for John to find such a beautiful woman, she was devastated she was his. And also guilty for finding his wife so… mesmerising.
As her and Francesca grew closer, things became more difficult. Especially after John's passing. Michaela had no one, and even though Francesca had a whole army, it felt as though she was a lone soldier. On the night she left, it all became too much. Francesca asked her to stay. Told her how much she cared. Told her she was the only one who understood her. And Michaela feared if she would have stayed any longer, she wouldn’t be able to trust herself. The guilt she felt was immeasurable. So she fled. She didn’t know what to do. Looking back, it was definitely not the best way to do it. But she needed an escape.
“I will tell you, Eloise. Some day. Just not now”
~~~~
Francesca finally reached her door. She closed her eyes as she touched the handle. This was John's room. The room where they had made too many memories. It now lay empty, the bed long cold. No one had set foot in here for two years. She slowly opened the door, bracing herself. The room was in perfect condition. Dust covered most objects, creating a sad sight. Francesca closed the door. She couldn’t go back in. Wouldn’t go back in. She walked towards his office, tears flowing freely across her face. She opened the door and was shocked. Instead of John's things being every, she was met with many of Michaela’s items. Her gloves, her coat, her perfume. She stayed still, taking in the sight. Did Michaela think she could replace John?
Yet again, she left the room. Every place she entered reminded her of John. She couldn’t take it. Why did she decide to come here? She already wanted to leave. She needed to find Eloise. She started pacing through the estate, unable to find her. She searched for an hour before giving up. She went outside to clear her head. Or try. She knew her way around the gardens like the back of her hand. She had her own spot. Someone where no one would find her. She loved John, but nobody could ever quench her need for alone time. It was a small clearing in a densely packed wood. There was long, soft grass that ticked her legs. She came here often while staying, a little escape from the real world.
From a young age, Francesca had created ways to escape. Dream worlds, her piano forte. She was one of the most introverted children in the whole ton. Definitely the most in the Bridgerton household. She used to sit on her couch and daydream all day, creating the most extravagant stories. She completely immersed herself in the stories, almost looking dead behind the eyes. Her mother often found her like this. She had learned not to interfere, as she did in the past and got given out to. Her mother had never been able to crack her. She never understood her or the ways she acted. But at least she tried.
Francesca often still daydreamed. All grown up, she still found the escape in her imagination. Of course she never told anyone about her stories, for fear of sounding childish or utterly insane. And some of her recent dreams had been… interesting. She couldn’t explain them, or even say a word about them. They showed demented things. Things that were unjust and sinful. And of course this didn’t help her mental state, which was already toddling on the line of ruin.
~~~~
Eloise and Michaela sat at the dinner table. A butler slowly walked up to the pair. “Lady Kilmartin is nowhere to be found. She is not in her room or any for that matter. We have others searching the garden” he said sheepishly. Michaela stood up immediately. “We shall join the search. I will go one way. Eloise will go the other way. Bring with you a butler. They shall aid your direction” Michaela said, voice already disappearing down the corridor. She had an idea of where she could be. She used to have a safe space in the woods. A space not known by anyone but her. And maybe Francesca. It was quite a beautiful spot. She had already reached the edge of the woods, not caring how wet her dress was becoming. All of a sudden, she saw a quite pale Francesca.
“What on Earth are you doing out here?” She uttered, taking her coat off and putting it around Francesca. The girl looked frozen. “I just wanted to clear my head. This house is terrifying. I-“ she suddenly stopped mid sentence. This woman had left her. In the middle of the night. With nothing. “Why did you even come and search for me?” She asked. “Why wouldn’t I. You could have been in danger. You weren’t spotted for hours. And you are my friend. If something were to happen to you” she paused, exhaling a small bit. “We are not friends. The very night you promised to stay, you left. Do you know how absolutely insane that is? You left me with nothing. No friends. No lover. No hope”. Francesca scrunched her nose and looked away, a tear forming.
Michaela’s heart dropped. How could she explain she left because she loved her. Because she cared. “Francesca… I know what I did was wrong. But I had too. At the time it seemed like the right option. Of course, in hindsight it was maybe the worst. And I feel absolutely atrocious that I left you feeling that way.” she said, voice cutting through the harsh wind. “You did not have too. You left because you hated me. You don’t have to act. I know you hated the way I took John away from you. It would be easier if you would drop the act and forget anything I ever said” Francesca said, face still turned away. “For a girl so smart, you do say some of the dumbest things. I loved your company, Francesca. I hold nothing against you. I left for your good” Michaela said, turning to face her.
“What makes you think that leaving a widow alone, who never had many friends, to sit in their grief and sorrows is for their own good. You left when I needed you the most. How is that for my own good?” Francesca asked, finally returning to face her. Michaela could see all the small details. The ways her eyes were puffy from crying. The way her nose scrunched as she delivered the saddest of words. She wanted to hug her and confess everything right there, but God knows what trouble that would bring. “I can’t tell you,” Michaela said with closed eyes. Francesca coughed and took a step backwards. “Can’t tell me? Are you joking! You have put me through so much turmoil and expect to get off easily?” She is extremely angry. She rips Michaela’s coat off and throws it to the floor, turning around and running back to the estate.
As she runs, tears stream down her face, making her vision damn near blind. She pushes through her sobs, trying to hide them. She had to get to the house before she completely unraveled. She couldn’t let people see her like this. What would they think? These thoughts only made her sobs greater, making her spiral even more. Finally, she made it to the house. She burst through the doors, still running. Her dress was uneven and wet. She ran straight to her room. Now, even it seemed like a sanctuary. She threw herself through the door, slamming it loudly behind her. She tore her dress off, throwing it as far as she could. She fell to the floor, a pile of limbs and emotion.
Not too long after this, she heard a knock on the door. “Fran? Are you in there?”, a very worried Eloise uttered. She didn’t wait. She opened the door and froze at the sight. Her dearest sister, laying on the floor, a complete and utter mess. She fell to the floor beside her, scooping her up in her arms. Francesca returned the gesture immediately, clinging on to her for dear life. Yet again, Eloise was puzzled as to what had happened.
~~~~
The months came and went. The summer days had traded themselves for cold, harsh winter days. The clear skies changed to grey, cold ones. Sleet clouded the sky, making the conditions quite miserable. Ice slush turned brown, making everything look dirty. Kilmartin house was as quiet as usual.
Eloise and Michaela sat beside the fire, trading stories as usual. It was dark outside, the fire creating a beautiful atmosphere. Eloise sat with her feet up on the chair. If her mother had caught her like this, she would be dead.
Micheala sat closer to the fire, on the floor. She liked sitting on the floor. She did it often. It helped ground her. In a literal and spiritual sense. “And where is Francesca?” she asked, putting down her cup of cold tea. Eloise stays still, practically lying on the chair now. “I don’t know. Probably in her room. I’ll send for her” she said, as she tilted her head towards her lady’s maid. She briskly set off to find her.
The maid ran along the corridors, heading towards Francesca’s room. She hoped she was there. She dint know where to go otherwise. As she reached the door, she took a deep breath. She knocked on the door. “Lady Francesca? Eloise wishes for you to join her and Michaela in the drawing room. Will I-“ she begins, before the door in front of her swings open. A very sickly looking Francesca stands before her. She nods and walks past her, keeping her head low.
When she arrived at the drawing room, she was met with many comments. “Are you alright?”. “Do you need something?”. “Should I send for a doctor?”. She wanted to leave already. “I am fine. I am just not well equipped for the harsh Scotland winters” she said while taking a seat next to Eloise, who had sat up normally. “If the winters are leaving you looking this poor, I think it is best we go home” an all too relaxed Eloise said. Francesca gave her a gentle dig in her side.
“We do need to return soon. But not now. We shall stay for a few more weeks. It is Christmas in 2 days. We shall stay here until spring” Francesca said as she looked towards Michaela. Eloise stood up, wobbling on her feet. “I am off to bed. See you in the morning” she said, already leaving.
Francesca tilted her head. “You send for me but leave as soon as I arrive?” she said, a hint of humour in her voice. Michaela smiled, seeing Francesca a little happier than usual. Eloise kept walking, not breaking her stride. Michaela also stood up, stretching her legs. “Youre not leaving too, are you?” Francesca asked, her voice slightly more serious this time.
“No. Just moving. My legs are becoming rather numb” Michaela said, moving to sit beside Francesca. A small smile graced Francesca’s face for a second. “How are you feeling?” She asked, turning to face her properly. “A little weak. That’s all” Francesca replied, exhaling when she finished. “I have the perfect remedy. Do give me one moment” Michaela said as she jumped on to her feet and took off towards her room. Francesca was alone.
It did not take long for Michaela to return. She brought with her a small bottle, green glass hiding some unknown liquid. “It makes you feel stronger while weak. I use this quite a lot, especially during the menses. It will make you feel better almost instantly” she said as she handed the bottle over. Francesca raised it towards the fire to see what it contained.
“How much should I take?” She asked, still suspending it in the light. “A teaspoon. You can take two if it gets bad. But never three. Too much will send your heart racing” she said calmly. “Thank you, Michaela,” Francesca said softly, putting the bottle down and turning to Michaela. “I do not wish to make things awkward. But can you please tell me why you left? I just want to understand” Francesca said. Michaela took a breath. She decided to tell the truth. Well a bit of it.
“I left because I am a wicked person. I have done sinful things and I did not want to cause any harm to you or your family. I did not want to lead you astray” she said, turning her head away. “What could you have possibly done to believe such a thing?” Francesca asked, moving closer to Michaela. “I did not kill anyone or hurt anyone. But it was an accumulation of things. Ways I behaved, things I listened too… it all became too much. I also did not know how to help. I- I overheard a conversation you had with your mother. And I did not know how to help. I thought I would add to the problem. And I know no excuse is good en-“ she said, before being cut off by Francesca.
“What exact conversation did you overhear?”. Silence. For a few moments. Michaela closed her eyes, which had grown glassy. “The one about children” she said, voice lower than a whisper. Francesca’s eyes filled with tears. She turned her head away quickly, not wanting to show Michaela. Michaela moved closer, their bodies now touching. She wrapped her arms around Francesca, drawing her in gently. She eased into her hug, her sweet perfume calming her down. Her hug was so warm, so comfortable.
“I’m sorry, Fran” she whispered, still holding her gently. Francesca’s sobs weren’t loud, but they sure were powerful. Her whole body shook as she cried, creating a horrible effect. Michaela cried silently, watching the woman she loved so dearly a mess in her arms. She picked her up a little, fixing her position to a more natural one. “You were an amazing wife, Fran. You did not fail your wifely duties. You gave John all he needed” she said as Francesca slowly backed up.
“We tried. And tried. And tried. And sometimes, they stuck. But soon after we were back at square one. The amount of times I woke up in the middle of the night…”. With that, Francesca fell forward, straight back into Michaela's arms. Michaela was sobbing now, trying to quieten them. Francesca only became aware of her sobs now. This made her cry more.
The fire beside them began to die. Francesca’s eyes were puffy and red. She continued to cry, no more tears left in her eyes. Her sobs were empty and sore, scraping her throat. Michaela slowly stood to her feet, bringing Francesca with her. She supported her as they walked towards her room. Once they got there, she laid Francesca to rest on her bed.
“Don’t leave,” Francesca said, voice broken and hoarse. She sat up slowly, looking towards the medicine beside her. She took off the lid and took a swig, face turning sour as she swallowed. “Francesca! You did not measure it. If you take too much you will die” Michaela said, crossing the room to meet her. Francesca put down the bottle and laid back down.
“I will stay.” Michaela moved towards the chair beside her bed. She took off her top layer, exposing an intricately designed vest underneath. She lay on the chair, facing Francesca. “Is this good?” She asked in a sweet voice.
“Perfect”
~~~~
It was Christmas Day. The Kilmartin estate buzzed with a small joy. The ladies of the house all sat in the drawing room, dressed in beautiful gowns. They weren’t anything too flashy, just quiet luxury for the girls. They had accumulated a large pile of gifts in the center of the room. Bows and glitter covered the presents. Eloise was the first to open hers.
“I shan’t wait any longer,” she said with a huff as she walked towards the pile. She unwrapped many small items, like books, scarves and chocolates. There were two big presents in the bunch. She picked up the first one, gently shaking it. “It’s from Pen” she said, as she opened it. It contained all the new lady whistledowns letters and a necklace. She put the necklace on immediately.
“I had thought she had stopped writing her column” Michaela said, puzzled. “Oh. She did. There is a new Lady Whistledown in the ton. She doesn’t write nearly as well as Pen but it will do” Eloise said. She picked up all her gifts and walked towards the door. “I am putting these in my room. I will be a moment”.
Michaela turned to Francesca. “You should go next. End with the red one” she said, pointing towards the neat box on top of the pile. Francesca picked it up carefully, placing it aside. She opened all the other gifts. She unwrapped bonbons, small pieces of jewelry and sheet music. She always got sheet music, many family members not knowing what else to get her.
She finally picked up the red box. She opened it carefully, revealing a ring inside. It had the Kilmartin family crest engraved on it, black diamonds framing it. It was a custom piece. “Michaela! Where did you get this done?” She asked, her eyes bright and happy. “It is a family heirloom. I thought you deserved it. You brought a lot of good to this family” Michaela said.
“Thank you,” Francesca whispered. She put it on immediately, flexing her hand in the light. Eloise finally returned, taking a seat next to Michaela this time. It was finally Michaela’s turn. She had the least gifts of the trio. She unwrapped teas and homemade crafts from the tenants and old friends. She picked up a rather large box, one of carefully crafted light blue wood. “That’s from us” Eloise said before Francesca could even think. She opened it and saw a beautiful ruby necklace, carefully crafted. 12 or so rubies sat on a gold chain, equally spaced all the way around.
“It’s beautiful! Thank you” she said, hugging Eloise immediately. She got up and crossed over to Francesca, who already had her arms outstretched. They embraced each other for a second longer than usual, Eloise noticing this. “How did you know rubies were my favourite?” She asked, returning to her seat.
“Lucky guess”.