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There was a before and after for Wei Wuxian.
Before Lan Wangji, and before all the murders, Jiang Cheng’s cruel words and boiling anger, there was Wei Wuxian.
And there was Jiang Yanli.
Wei Wuxian laughed, running ahead his sister, turning to face her and hopping backwards.
“-And then, this idiot, he went and punched him in the face!”
“Shut up!” Jiang Cheng yelled, walking beside them.
Wei Wuxian felt warm. Despite all the antics they did around each other, he, Jiang Cheng and his Shijie were close. It really felt like them against the world. Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian had stayed back in China when all three of them had decided to move to the States. In Yu Ziyuan’s words, China was better off without him. Wei Wuxian honestly couldn’t bring himself to care.
The night before they left, Shijie had woken her brothers, and dangled her car keys in front of their sleepy faces. It had been their last hangout in their home town, carefree night draping her blanket over the three of them as a warm, final embrace. Wei Wuxian had felt bittersweet then. He had loved the town, he had loved his neighbours who fed him when Yu Ziyuan didn’t, the store owner who he helped sometimes, and the twins that often hung out with him and Jiang Cheng. It wasn’t fair that Yu Ziyuan got to corrupt his safe space to this extent that he felt the need to leave, and it wasn’t fair that his siblings uprooted themselves from their house because they understood what he was trying to do, and couldn’t let him do it alone.
The initial years were hard. Wei Wuxian was used to feeling like an outsider everywhere, but now Jiang Cheng and Shijie faced the same issues in the foreign land. Nevertheless, Wei Wuxian managed to secure a scholarship and landed himself a fancy college, and Jiang Cheng followed, still getting funds through his parents.
Shijie, however, chose engineering. She had been so restricted back at home, that as soon as she got away, she deliberately did things no one expected of her. She took tattooing classes in her weekends. I want shijie to give me my first tattoo! Wei Wuxian had told her, and she had laughed, moved her ink across the disgusting, practice, skin like flaps. Wei Wuxian didn’t know what these were called, only that it was gross.
Jiang Cheng himself was second in his class. He was doing good in his academics.
And as for Wei Wuxian, well.
Good things happened conditionally to him. So when he got the scholarship, he was waiting for the brick to drop. As soon as the semester started, he had moved into to university dorms.
And that had sucked.
People with empathy disorders have no place at that petri dish of stds, he told Shijie, his duffel bag on his back, dark circles encircling his eyes. He had not slept for a week, and was twitchy and irritable. Shijie had said nothing, just allowed him to bunk in her living room while he tried to sort out his finances, work part time. She had said nothing, but Wei Wuxian knew she was thinking about the same conversation he was thinking about, one they had back in China, with Yu Ziyuan.
“I will not have this, abnormal, dysfunctional brat in my home-!”
“Wei Wuxian is not dysfunctional!” Jiang Cheng had roared.
Wei Wuxian was crouched on the floor, breathing hard, hands over his years. Shijie sat crouched beside him, her hands plastered over his own. She was saying something to him, but Wei Wuxian focused only on the vitriol being poured from his so called parents.
“-They have institutions for this! Do you see how disgraceful this is for our family? The brat of our household is on the floor because he couldn’t stand showing face at a partnership dinner?”
Jiang Fengmian was sitting on the couch, right in front of Wei Wuxian, “Maybe we should get a diagnosis atleast, A-Cheng. He has to be somewhere on the spectrum.”
The betrayal of the words lanced through Wei Wuxian like a dagger.
“Shijie, I want to go.” He whispered to his sister, and didn’t hear her reply. His heartbeat was thundering and frantic in his ears. Somewhere on the spectrum.
“If he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t have to go anywhere!”
Shijie had pulled him from the floor, still trying to talk to him. She dragged him to his room and shut the door. The outside chaos tapered to a background migraine.
“Listen to me, A-Xian.”
“You are not dysfunctional. You do not need to do anything you don’t want to do.”
He had curled up in his bed and closed his eyes.
He had met the business partner, who was a major stakeholder in the Jiang business, at the dinner event. He had shook hands with the man. Something dark had crawled up his hands and the hate, the rage, the killing-
Both Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng got cushy jobs at the FBI.
They maintained their professionalism, but Wei Wuxian teased Jiang Cheng mercilessly throughout their training. They hung out with other trainees during breaks, stayed together at sleepovers trying to complete assignments. It was during one of their hangouts, that shijie visited them at the café where all the trainees were seated, and dropped the apartment keys in front of Jiang Cheng. She would reach home late, because she was going out with her friends, and her siblings had moved in with her since their office was closer to her place.
That’s where, their co-trainee, Jin Zixuan had met her. At that moment, no one had any idea the meeting would be so significant.
Jiang Cheng kept clambering up the ladder, while Wei Wuxian barely managed to survive his field job. Whatever was going on inside his head, never made it easy for him to do it.
It was during the frigid winter, when Jiang Cheng got promoted to chief.
One of the first things he did was to move his brother to the investigations unit and take him off the field. He still went to the field jobs, but primarily to investigate.
And suddenly, for the first time in his life, Wei Wuxian fit in somewhere.
He stayed up during his nights, wrote down theories on using resentful cultivation. When he stepped on the crime scene, the malevolent energies hovering above all the blood spoke to him. Turns out, Wei Wuxian had a high affinity for resentment. While it did cause a lot of arguments with Jiang Cheng, threats to move him back to the field, everyone was in unanimous agreement that this was good for him.
There was some backlash too. The negative emotions from the job often overwhelmed him. Jiang Cheng had brought this up during one of their worse fights. But Wei Wuxian was willing to withstand the backlash too.
“All my life, she called me useless, Jiang Cheng!” He had yelled, “I can still do some good like this!”
It was the irony, that before, it was Wei Wuxian who wanted to inflict this job on himself. Later, after, it was Jiang Cheng who had to drag him back to the FBI.
Shijie video called him when Wei Wuxian was taking a shower. He heard the ringtone over the drizzling water. Grabbed a towel and scambled. Only two people generally called him, and he did not want to miss any calls from any of his siblings.
He slipped on the floor, but reached his phone in time, “Hello?”
“A-Xian?” Shijie was crying.
“Shijie? Why are you crying? Who do I need to kill? Was it that peacock-“
“A-Xian I’m pregnant.”
“I see you.” He told the killer, who had his gun pointed at him, “I understand you. You don’t need to do this.”
“Do you?”
“Yes, I know why you killed those people. I see why.”
“Tell me why. They never listen, they never do-“
The finger on the trigger tensed.
“Listen to me, the FBI will not kill you. We just want to stop these murders right? You don’t need to kill all these people.”
“I buried her.”
“I know, I know. I know why. It’s okay, I give you my word, just put the gun down-“
The man raised the gun from his heart to his head, “You…know why?”
“Wei Wuxian!” Another voice rang out, “FBI-!”
It was his fault.
Wei Wuxian stood in the very last, away from all the people during the funeral, holding the newborn Jin Ling in his arms. Shijie was in the front, with Jiang Cheng holding her, sobbing.
The killer they were tracking was still on the run, while Jin Zixuan had-
He had-
Jin Ling sobbed miserably in his arms. He was too small to understand anything. Wei Wuxian assumed the child was just miserable because he was in his arms. He felt dirty. It felt like no amount of scrubbing had got the blood off him. The phantom liquid surrounded him in a vice grip.
Even holding Jin Ling felt like a trespass.
Nobody had blamed him, but nobody talked to him about the matter. Except Nina, one of the Americans who had trained with him, who had handed him a cup of water when he sat trembling, in the back of the ambulance, shivering under his shock blanket. “Its not your fault,” She told him. Jiang Cheng did not look him in the eye, but he was the one who called Shijie. And the fact he didn’t make Wei Wuxian break the news to her was the greatest kindness he could’ve shown him.
He moved out a few days later. Shijie didn’t say anything, she barely did. But before he left, eyes downcast and swollen, she whispered, “I don’t blame you.”
“I’m sorry.” He whispered back, and did not make eye contact with her.
He found a lonely cabin in Wolftrap, Virginia. Cheap and isolated.
While driving, he found a cat loitering around the road. It was the ugliest cat he had ever seen in his life. Probably even the cat’s parents didn’t want it. It was that ugly. Who ever wanted such an ugly cat in their life? What good could a cat this ugly do? What was the point of this cat being alive-
He stepped on the brakes, pinched the bridge of his nose, and stepped out into the snow. Ran towards the cat.
“Hey.”
It was shivering. Closer inspection. She was shivering. She was a black and white cat, thin to her bones. Evidently people chose this spot to leave their pets who were not suited for the snow at all. What a travesty. For some reason, everything felt like this cat’s fault. This cat in particular.
He picked the cat up, gently, afraid that he would get scratched immediately, but she was in no state to claw her way out of his grip.
“Hey.” He whispered again, drawing her close to his chest, “You are ugly.”
The cat shivered, looking pitiful.
“Hey,” He sobbed, dropping his nose into the matted fur, “Why…”
He sat down in the snow, hugging the cat close to his chest in one hand and rubbed his eyes furiously with his free hand. “Why?”
“What should I do now?” He sobbed, “What do I do? Please tell me what should I do?”
The cat did not answer.
Then he heard a small mewl.
There was a box near where he had found her, and weak sounds were coming from it.
Wei Wuxian blew the remaining money he had on the veterinary visit for Meimei, and her five kittens.
Wolftrap, Virginia did not seem so cold after that.
He did not contact his siblings, and got a month off to recover. Wei Wuxian suspected Jiang Cheng had something to do with the generous time off. Which suited him just fine. He spent his time looking after his new cats; Meimei being the most sophisticated of them all. She would clamber up at his desk, and keep staring at nothing outside his window. Wei Wuxian felt oddly comforted by her vigil. Sometimes she snarled, as if she saw someone, but Wei Wuxian pegged it as one of her traits, when he found no one in the woods.
On the other hand.
Empanada, the black kitten made permanent home in his neck. Wei Wuxian slid his hair to one side of his neck to make space for him. The kittens were very clingy. Jerk, who looked exactly like Meimei, would climb up curtains and then cry till Wei Wuxian sighed and fetched him back. Nanai, the only white cat, tore up Wei Wuxian’s cultivation notes. The last two, complete black cats, Bobo and Boba, often fought with each other till Wei Wuxian manually dragged them apart.
At night, all the kitten would climb up in his bed and curl up around him to sleep. Meimei slept, dignified, at the proper bed Wei Wuxian had made for her at the side of his bed.
Life felt very fulfilling.
Then he got a text from his sister, few weeks after everything had gone to shit.
[Shijie]
We should talk.
You left so soon, A-Xian.
[Me]
Shijie, I’m sorry
[Shijie]
It wasn’t your fault.
But we should talk.
He hesitated. How was he supposed to face his sister after causing the death of her husband?
Then, his phone chimed again.
[Jiang Cheng]
Don’t be a dick.
He stopped his car outside Shijie’s apartment. It was so painfully familiar to arrange his car in the difficult parallel parking outside her flat, and to climb the same exact count of steps, and ring the doorbell to a flat he used to have keys for.
His sister’s face greeted him for the first time since forever.
She had lost weight, and looked pale and tired, but had made an effort to settle her hair and dress nice for his visit. Wei Wuxian heard a child’s babbling in the background.
His heart clenched.
“A-Xian.” She said, and began to sob.
He hid his own grief, because what right did he have? He shushed her, hugging her close to his chest, and closing the door behind him. Led her to her couch where Jin Zixuan once sat.
When she calmed down, she said, “How dare you.”
Wei Wuxian dropped his eyes.
“How dare you. Do you have any idea,” Her voice quivered dangerously again, “How worried we were?”
She grabbed at his shirt, “Left Jiang Cheng to deal with things alone! Do you think it helped me to lose you along with him?” Here, she sobbed again, and Wei Wuxian grabbed her and pulled her to his chest again.
“Sorry. I am so sorry,” His voice cracked, and he blinked quickly, “It should’ve been me.”
“How would that help me? How would you dying be any better for me?”
“I am sorry.”
“How is you saying sorry fixing anything!”
“Sorry.” Tears finally spilled, “Sorry, shijie.”
She shook her head, and moved away from him, and pulled him into her embrace instead, “I never blamed you for it. I never did. My husband knew what he was getting into. Ugh, we both are such a mess.” She laughed mirthlessly, “Sorry, do you want anything to drink? Or eat? I didn’t even ask…”
“I’m good.” He said, voice wet, “I’m okay Shijie.”
She left for a while, to nurse Jin Ling. The baby’s voice tapered down in the background. “Finally, he’s asleep. It’s exhausting to look after a baby. Now, tell me where you are living, how are things.”
He told her. Told her about the cats. About his cabin. Fishing on the weekends.
She curled up against his shoulder and slept, and he followed her to sleep after some time.
He woke up to the sound of whimpering.
“Shijie?” He mumbled sleepily.
Jing Ling was crying somewhere. The room was dark. His sister was not beside him.
He placed his feet on the floor, and his feet splashed with something wet.
Wei Wuxian was suddenly very alert.
“Shijie?” He scrambled for the curtain, which was nearer to him than the light switches. Pulled it aside. Moonlight flooded the room.
There was a puddle growing on the floor, soaking his feet.
Red pooled around him, metallic smell that he just noticed, suffocating.
His sister was lying on the floor, in a pool of blood.
Wei Wuxian screamed.
“You said you understood me.” A new voice said. Wei Wuxian had no focus for him. He scrambled to kneel beside his sister, but slipped in the blood and landed with his head right next to hers. She blinked, “A-Xian…”
Oh gods.
“Shijie!”
“You said you understood me.” The person said, again, with emphasis, noticing that Wei Wuxian was not listening.
“I buried her, I buried my sister.”
Wei Wuxian ripped the buttons from his shirt, took it off and pressed it to the knife wound in his sister’s stomach.
“You never understood me. Now, you will.”
The man laughed loudly.
Wei Wuxian babbled, “Shijie, no no no, no-“
He reached for his phone with trembling, bloodied hands. Called an ambulance.
The man stared at him. Wei Wuxian paid him no mind. “Shijie, shijie, keep yours eyes open, jie, just like that, do not sleep-“
“Don’t you want to kill me now? Don’t you want to be like me now? Don’t you understand why I killed them now?”
“Jie, don’t do this to me please, Jiejie-“
“I buried her. I have nothing to live for now. Remember, Wei Wuxian. Remember me.”
And the man took out a gun from his pocket, put it in his mouth.
Wei Wuxian eyes went wide, attention snapping to the man for the first time and-
Second spurt of blood in the now cold apartment. The man fell beside his shijie, dead.
“Oh god, oh my god!” Wei Wuxian trembled, eyes very wide and shaking. His hands briefly moved from where he was trying to staunch the bleeding, and clapped over his ears, but he quickly moved them back to the wound. His phone was still connected to the emergency services, and urgent musings erupted from the other end at the sound of the gunshot.
Jiang Yanli’s eyes fluttered shut.
“She’s alive.” The doctor said, snapping off her bloodied gloves.
Wei Wuxian gawked at him. Once again, he was covered in blood, and in a orange blanket which the emergency operator gave him. He was still shaking.
Jiang Cheng stood up, holding Jin Ling to his chest. It was one of the things Wei Wuxian had clearly told the operators in his state of hysteria, “She has a kid, she has a kid, he’s still there, call Jiang Cheng.” before passing out.
“She’s going to be okay?”
The man shook his head. “No, I’m afraid not.”
“What is that supposed to mean! Explain yourself!”
The doctor looked grim. “The knife damaged major organs, it was not a clean cut. Usually in such cases, the patient recovers proportionally to their skill in cultivation, but….”
Wei Wuxian clawed at his wrist, drawing clean lines across his arm.
“…But it appears, whoever attacked her, tried to gouge her core out. The damage to the core is severe; he has removed major meridians from the core. It has reached dying state.”
“…What?” Jiang Cheng croaked.
“She will not live for long. I’m sorry.” And with that, the doctor walked away, giving them space to process.
Jin Ling slept against his Shushu’s chest, unaware.
“How did this happen!”
Wei Wuxian let himself get manhandled by his brother. He had no answers to give.
Yu Ziyuan slapped him, hard. Wei Wuxian dropped to the floor, bangs covering his face. It had been a day since they got the news, and he was still covered in blood. His sister’s blood.
He was not allowed to visit his sister anymore. Her last moments would be with her actual, blood family.
Wei Wuxian was not a person anymore.
He went home, fed his cats. Came back to the hospital, stood at the terrace. Somewhere below, his sister lay dying. He had orphaned his nephew.
Then, the click-clack of sharp heels.
Yu Ziyuan.
Her eyes were bloodshot and swollen, hands shaking.
“I want you dead.” She told him, in a neutral tone, “I wish you were never born. I wish you would die.”
Wei Wuxian looked at her dumbly. Yes.
“But you still have utility.”
Just like how Wei Wuxian was different before Jiang Yanli, Wen Qing was different before Wei Wuxian.
Yu Ziyuan had pulled strings. Wen Ruohan, a close business partner, had given her the news. We can help.
They had asked for a major control of the Jiang business in return.
And Yu Ziyuan said yes.
Few days later, he met Wen Qing.
She told him about the theory of the core transfer.
Jiang Fengmian and Jiang Cheng slept in their chairs near Shijie’s bed. The sleeping drugs had taken affect. Wei Wuxian looked at his sister’s face for the first time since the day she was stabbed at her apartment. Some clarity returned to him.
“Oh god.” He mumbled, voice wet. The horror of the upcoming event hit him.
Shijie was asleep on the bed beside him. Wen Qing looked at Wei Wuxian again. Last chance to say no.
He thought of Jin Ling. Thought of Meimei. He had made Wen Qing promise to arrange a home for his cats.
He nodded. Make the cut.
Yu Ziyuan stood in the corner of the room, covered in sterile surgical gear. Wei Wuxian’s arms, legs and chest was securely tied to the table. Wen Qing’s brother, Wen Ning, who was a nurse in training, stood beside her, arranging tools.
One last chance to fix this, Wei Wuxian thought, with tears in his eyes.
And Wen Qing made the cut.
He screamed through two days of hell, during which, at one point, Yu Ziyuan came closer and yelled at him, “This is the least you can do for her!”, but put her hand on his forehead, grounding him. The comfort was so foreign to him, that he sobbed even more viciously, and bit the leather strap in his mouth harder.
The hurt was visceral, it was so visceral. There was truly no escape. If he looked down, Wen Qing had her hands in his abdomen, causing bone drilling agony. If he looked upwards, Yu Ziyuan stared at him, with an undecipherable expression. She rotated between offering meagre words of encouragement, to yelling at him that he deserved to die. If he looked towards his left, he saw his sister, dying more every extra hour it took Wen Qing to rip out his core.
Let me die. Please take my core and let me die.
When Wen Qing made the final cut, Wei Wuxian understood immediately what had happened.
Yu Ziyuan removed her hand from his forehead immediately.
Somebody pushed something in his veins.
“…it w’rk?” He mumbled around the leather strap, but his eyes closed immediately.
“It’s a miracle!” The doctor exclaimed, “For some reason, her core has made a full recovery!”
Yu Ziyuan’s remaining money worked wonders. She had bribed the doctor, who had taken one look at Yanli’s vitals, examined her and found the new surgical incision.
Jiang Cheng ran into his mother’s arms, and began to sob. “Ma…”
Jiang Fengmian stared at her, with Jin Ling sleeping in his arms.
“I can’t do this, A-Ning. I can’t. Did you see the amount of blood? Did you see how he screamed? There was a reason I never published this! Core transfer goes against the principles of cultivation, Wen Ning, what have I done?”
Wei Wuxian spent weeks in a non-descript hospital room, with no visitors except Wen Qing and her brother. He had switched off his phone before going under the knife.
Wen Qing routinely took his vitals, gave him blood transfusions. Wei Wuxian was terribly weak, and alone. God knows, Jiang Cheng would think he had abandoned him again.
But his legs barely had any strength to stand.
When he had recovered a little more, he grabbed Wen Qing’s hands and said, “Thank you for saving my sister.”
Wen Qing had looked terribly hurt. She didn’t say anything.
“She’s going to switch fields.” Wen Ning told him one day, changing his bandages.
“What?”
“She is refusing to operate again. Wen Ruohan will help her study for new jobs, switch fields, help her settle. In return, jie must pick up the scalpel again, for him, whenever he wants.”
Another life ruined by Wei Wuxian.
True to her word, Wen Qing had fed her cats and kept them at her house while Wei Wuxian recovered. She dropped them off as soon as he reached his house. For the first time in weeks.
He hugged her, “Thank you, and I am sorry.”
Her eyes filled with tears again, “I am sorry that I did this to you.”
The loss of his cultivation was so great that Wei Wuxian did not reply.
Jiang Cheng found him, few days later.
“And where the fuck were you?” He shook Wei Wuxian by the collar harshly, “Where were you! Where are you anytime I need you!”
By this time, Wei Wuxian was in a stagnant state. I have done the only thing I could do to fix this. Please let me go. Please let me die.
“Fuck, Wei Wuxian, don’t you want to see her?“
“Shijie…. She’s okay?” He asked, in a timid voice. Afraid to show concern when he was the reason she was hurt.
“Yes and no.”
Turns out Wei Wuxian’s core was not compatible with his sister. The universe’s final fuck you to him.
Shijie had woken up with a surge of energy running through her veins. She had been in severe pain, and was now on permanent painkillers to manage the pain. The core was tumultuous, thrumming, asking for something Shijie wasn’t able to give.
He and Jiang Cheng stood outside her apartment, once again. Jiang Cheng had not said a word to him during the entire drive.
Inside, his shijie lay in her bed.
Jin Ling’s at my place, I hired a sitter. Jiang Cheng had told him.
“Jie.” Wei Wuxian whispered.
She opened her eyes weakly, “…A-Xian..?”
Wei Wuxian kneeled beside her bed, “Jie, I’m so sorry.”
“…Ha, seems like sorry is all you say to me nowadays…”Her voice was a terrible, hoarse whisper.
“Shijie, I…”
“Argh…!” She curled inwards, clutching her stomach. Jiang Cheng came back, running. “Jie!”
She grabbed helplessly at the sheets, before passing out again.
Jiang Cheng glared at Wei Wuxian. “Go, rest. You look like shit.”
“So do you.” He retorted, with no capability to deal with Jiang Cheng.
Guilt swallowed him as he left the room. What now? His core was hurting his sister. What would he do now?
He grit his teeth as a sudden wave of pain hit him. Truth be told, he himself had not recovered from the loss of his own spiritual energy.
He would never tell them. Never.
She found out later, nevertheless.
Grabbed his wrist when he got up to leave and found his meridians empty.
She had sobbed, she had cried, she had hit him with her weak fists, and she had grabbed at her stomach, How could you do this? Take it back, I don’t want this-
And Wei Wuxian had hung his head in shame, taken all the hits without saying anything.
How do I face you? Knowing I took this from you? She had sobbed.
And Wei Wuxian had sobbed right back, How do I face you? Knowing it is my core that is keeping you in excruciating pain?
But she refused to talk then.
In fact, she refused to talk to anyone after that. Refused to meet Jin Ling. Didn’t say anything to Jiang Cheng.
It was Wei Wuxian who found the body.
He didn't go to the funeral. Jiang Cheng found him anyway. Grabbed him by the collar again. Yelled. Why. Why did this happen? Why? Why weren’t you there for her? Why weren’t you there for me?
Wei Wuxian took the beating in silence. He had not much to say since he had found his sister. His long hair was no longer in his trademark ponytail, but loosely pulled behind him, splaying around him on the floor as Jiang Cheng grabbed him by the neck. Then gave up, grabbed him again, pulled him by his arm and threw him into the wall.
His cats scattered. Only Meimei snarled dangerously at the commotion.
Jiang Cheng yanked him by the collar. His shirt gave away with a harsh rip. Wei Wuxian closed his eyes. Let this be it.
And then, “What the fuck is that scar?”
And oh, oh no.
“Wei Wuxian. What is that scar?”
Jiang Cheng was smarter than people gave him credit for. As his brother gurgled blood beneath him, him a hauntingly slow motion, Jiang Cheng grabbed Wei Wuxian’s wrist.
Wei Wuxian laid on the floor of his cabin, his cats surrounding him, mewling worriedly, spitting blood. Tears ran down his eyes but he but he couldn’t stop smiling.
I have nothing left.
“You killed my Shijie, Wei Wuxian.” Jiang Cheng had said to him.
He heaved in deep breathes and laughed as his tears fell harder.
“I buried her. I have nothing to live for now. Remember, Wei Wuxian. Remember me.”
Ha. Ha. Ha. Deep haunting sounds echoed the room. Jiang Cheng had left a long while ago.
“I want you dead. I wish you were never born. I wish you would die.”
His veins were empty, and he dug his fingers in his scalp, and laughed and cried.
Blood pooled around him. Wei Wuxian was lost to the world.