Work Text:
PODCAST · Top Shelf Bottoms | Ep. 103: "Roz Returns for Round 3"
Queer sports, bad takes, worse puns.
MICAH: Alright, last one. Censfansince07 asked: Fuck, marry, kill: Scott Hunter, Hayden Pike, Zane Boodram.
ILYA: Fuck Scott. Marry Bood. Kill Hayden.
MICAH: [Laughs] Wow, that was fuckin' fast.
ILYA: Easy question.
MICAH: You're marrying Bood?
ILYA: Good teammate. Good cook. Very handsome. Second-best man in Ottawa who is not Hollander.
MICAH: He is handsome.
ILYA: Shane is first and most handsome. Obviously.
MICAH: By your logic, wouldn't Bood be the third best and his dad is second?
ILYA: [Laughs] Fuck off.
MICAH: Anyway, before we got distracted by your marriage prospects…
ILYA: Very important topic since I'm happily married.
MICAH: So, Ottawa has given you your husband, your backup husband...
ILYA: Bood is not backup husband.
MICAH: ...and you still think the city sucks?
ILYA: Yes.
MICAH: You've also gone on record multiple times saying you'd rather fight a grizzly than have a night out here.
ILYA: I have grizzly tattoo. Would be disrespectful to fight different bear.
MICAH: [Laughs] And throwing hands with a grizzly still beats a night out in Ottawa?
ILYA: Easily.
MICAH: You know your best friend Mathieu's gonna hear this.
ILYA: [Laughs] We have ceasefire.
MICAH: The ceasefire that, if I remember correctly, he asked for after you chirped him all day?
ILYA: He kept giving me material.
MICAH: [Laughs] Man, when he said that you were insulting his intelligence and you hit him with...
ILYA: "One fake thing at a time, Mathieu."
MICAH: [Laughs] Still fuckin' brutal. I bet the google searches for 'Is Night Mayor a legit job' spiked that day.
ILYA: He left opening. Hockey brain made me take the shot.
MICAH: If I remember, Wiebe made you skate laps for that.
ILYA: Was worth it.
MICAH: And now you're behaving?
ILYA: Shane banned me from tagging him.
MICAH: So Shane's the brains and you're the brawn?
ILYA: He's both. I am personality hire in marriage.
MICAH: Does Shane not even defend his hometown?
ILYA: [Deadpan] Shane is boring too.
MICAH: [Laughs] You say that like a compliment?
ILYA: [Softer] It is. He is steady. Always there. I love my boring man.
MICAH: That's actually so fuckin' cute, man.
ILYA: Boring man is good. Boring city is different.
MICAH: Oh?
ILYA: Yes. Even Ottawa's favourite son would rather stay home with me.
MICAH: [Laughs] Mathieu, I know there's a ceasefire, but these are fighting words from Ilya.
⤹ @queerbenchminor
"i love my boring man" okay so legit sobbing over my two dads being so stinkin cute before noon love that for me.
⤹ @bluepaint29
no but the speed at which he killed hayden 😭 that is your HUSBAND'S BEST FRIEND ilya at least pretend to think about it lmfao
⤹ @bewhour4_urpride
Ilya becoming the unofficial mouthpiece for queer hockey players was really unexpected. The man barely tweeted before he married Hollander but now, he doesn't shut up since Crowell got fired in 2022. 😂
⤹ @613sickos
shane hollander meal preps food like the machine he is on the ice and EVEN HE doesn't wanna go out in ottawa? thassa big fucking L for the capital.
⤹ @CapitalCrease
@MathieuAfterDark you gonna let your nemesis and a man with a vocabulary you described as 'limited' trash your city like this or what??
Mathieu Grondin · @MathieuAfterDark · 9:31 AM · Tuesday | Ottawa Night Mayor
Apparently the ceasefire is over? For the record, Captain… I remain confident Ottawa can provide a better night than a fight with a grizzly bear.
⤹ @capitalcrease
MICAH GOT THE CEASEFIRE CANCELLED IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS 😭
⤹ @bluepaint29
@ilyarozanov81 lowkey have to answer now tbh
⤹ @carlyraejespenupdates
night mayor said square up. fight fight fight fight! #StreamCutToTheFeeling
⤹ @creasegremlin
i've got $20 on roz replying in 36 hours or less
Mathieu Grondin · @MathieuAfterDark · 9:14 AM · Wednesday
Nearly a full day, Captain. Starting to think Ottawa gets the last word. @ilyarozanov81
⤹ @rinkside6.ATWB
he posted a pic of anya in the snow THREE MINUTES AGO btw
⤹ @faefae
not the night mayor being left on read
⤹ @61ontheplay24
ilya casually posting his dog while this man fights for his life in the mentions 😭
Mathieu Grondin · @MathieuAfterDark · 8:42 PM · Wednesday
Since the captain won't come out, I'll celebrate the apparent victory myself with an appropriate nightcap: local vodka, maple syrup, Canada Dry. @ilyarozanov81 come chat to me about Ottawa when you feel like admitting you're wrong about the nation's capital.
[PHOTO: A cocktail beside a bottle of Canadian vodka, a can of Canada Dry and a plastic squeeze bottle labelled MAPLE FLAVOURED TABLE SYRUP.]
[8:43 PM Wednesday | Ilya]
Ilya:
ceasefire with mathieu grondin is over
Shane:
Yes dear. Anya and I are going for a walk. Tell Mathieu I said hello.
Ilya:
my husband is abandoning me in hour of need while fake mayor insults the national pride of canada??
Shane:
I love you. Make sure you clean up whatever mess you're about to make. 😘
⤹ @ilyarozanov81
that is not maple syrup
⤹ @MathieuAfterDark
Nice of you to join us, Captain.
⤹ @ilyarozanov81
first ingredient on bottle is corn syrup. fake mayor with his fake maple syrup. truly embarrassing.
⤹ @MathieuAfterDark
It says maple on the bottle?
⤹ @ilyarozanov81
my shampoo says mango on bottle. so you would put shampoo on waffles?
⤹ @MathieuAfterDark
Fine. Syrup conceded.
⤹ @ilyarozanov81
also vodka is bad and canada dry is boring water. three crimes. dark day in ottawa history.
⤹ @MathieuAfterDark
Canada Dry is a Canadian institution and, as a mixer, nearly perfect. Carbonation, sweetness, acidity. Balanced on a molecular and taste level.
⤹ @ilyarozanov81
wow fake scientist mayor found scientific reason to like boring drink? is being wrong favourite pastime of yours?
⤹ @MathieuAfterDark
This is a proven fact and nothing like the Tim Hortons frappe fiasco you put me through last year. You caused a national shortage on hazelnut syrup.
⤹ @ilyarozanov81
this is different. you had a point about coffee drink. but one sip of canada dry was enough to prove that it is bad.
⤹ @MathieuAfterDark
And you have just proved my point. You haven't used it as intended and you refuse to Increase your exposure to it.
⤹ @ilyarozanov81
okay i know somewhere i can increase my exposure.
⤹ @MathieuAfterDark
Captain, this does not call for a Tim Hortons 2.0 type of reaction.
⤹ @ilyarozanov81
too late professor
⤹ @CanadaDry_Official
Now why am I in it?
Ilya Rozanov · @ilyarozanov81 · 9:04 PM · Wednesday
experiment 1 for scientist @MathieuAfterDark
[VIDEO: Ilya stands barefoot in the shower recess wearing only black boxer briefs. He takes a measured sip from a can of Canada Dry, lets the taste sit for a second, then looks straight into the camera with unimpressed eyes. He tips the rest over his head. Ginger ale runs through his hair and tracks down his face, throat and chest. Ilya tips his head back just enough to let it go, then looks into the camera again as he opens a second can. This one he pours more slowly, letting it spill across one shoulder before angling the stream down the centre of his chest.
He knows exactly what the camera can see. When the can empties, Ilya wipes two fingers through the Canada Dry caught along his collarbone, follows the wet line down over his stomach, then brings his index finger to his mouth. He tastes it without looking away from the camera. One eyebrow lifts.
"Still boring, Mr. Mayor."]
⤹ @81x24_shilya
everybody say thank you science.
⤹ @creasegremlin
the night mayor FINALLY made something exciting happen in ottawa past 6pm
⤹ @ItsCliffMarlowBro
bro that was so fucking sexy
⤹ @censfanssince99
sploosh. basement = flooded. crops = watered. pantaloons = monsoon season.
⤹ @puckwatch613
no but the gag is tomorrow someone on sports television has to say "the ginger ale shower" with a straight face.
⤹ @queerbenchminor
canada dry still looks boring unfortunately. might need another test
Mathieu Grondin · @MathieuAfterDark · 9:08 PM · Wednesday
What a waste of perfectly good Canada Dry.
@ilyarozanov81: experiment 1 for scientist @MathieuAfterDark
⤹ @ilyarozanov81
and your salary is waste of perfectly good taxpayer dollars
⤹ @MathieuAfterDark
And now the ceasefire is definitely over.
Mathieu Grondin · @MathieuAfterDark · 10:06 AM · Thursday
@ilyarozanov81 So Your evidence is Shane would rather stay home with his husband? Congratulations on the marriage, but Ottawa remains unreviewed.
⤹ @ilyarozanov81
then city should try being more interesting than me
⤹ @MathieuAfterDark
That's an obnoxiously high bar.
⤹ @ilyarozanov81
finally you understand problem
⤹ @MathieuAfterDark
Okay so then give me one night. I'll pick where we go and only if you have a bad night can you can complain it afterward.
⤹ @ilyarozanov81
very confident for fake mayor
⤹ @MathieuAfterDark
I said "increase exposure" and you took your clothes off on camera. You're making a surprisingly strong case for my ability to show you a good time. See you next Friday?
⤹ @ilyarozanov81
fine but only if you pay for all of @OttawaCentaurs to come out. i only go out with friends.
⤹ @MathieuAfterDark
Done. Next Friday. My itinerary, my tab. @OttawaCentaurs @Shane24Hollander
The fifth vibration in twenty seconds rattled Shane's phone against the coffee table.
He looked at Ilya. There it was. Ilya had sunk deep into the corner of the couch with Anya curled across his thighs, her front paws resting against Shane's leg. One hand moved slowly behind her ear. Afternoon light caught the gold of his wedding ring each time his fingers turned through her fur. His curls had fallen forward over his forehead, and the grin underneath them was so thoroughly pleased with itself that Shane didn't bother pretending he might be innocent.
"Do I even want to know?" Shane asked.
"Know what, my love?"
Ilya lowered his phone onto his chest and went back to scratching Anya. Shane rolled his eyes and leaned across her for his own. Ilya shifted just enough to give him room, bringing the familiar trace of his cologne with him. Mathieu's thread was still open. Shane skimmed it once. Then again.
"You turned one night into twenty-six people?"
"Better test, no?" Ilya said.
"And he's paying."
"Very generous fake mayor. Given our salaries."
Shane scrolled to the bottom. His own handle sat beside the Centaurs'.
"And me."
Ilya's fingers stopped in Anya's fur.
"Malysh," Ilya started, his voice even and low and sweet, "you don't want to go, don't go. I tell him."
The grin was gone. Ilya had turned fully toward him now, phone forgotten against his chest.
"I know," Shane said.
Ilya watched him for another second, then nodded and scratched under Anya's chin. She stretched one paw farther across Shane's thigh. Shane looked back at Mathieu's post.
"You're pretty confident."
"About Ottawa being boring?" Ilya asked. "Yes."
"About me picking our couch."
Ilya's mouth twitched. "Also yes."
"We stayed out until two in Crete," Shane protested.
"You were on honeymoon with me."
They had been at a little bar near the water until the staff started stacking chairs around them. Shane had spent half the night asking about the olives while Ilya sat close enough that his knee stayed pressed against Shane's beneath the table.
"Still counts," Shane said.
Ilya leaned toward him, curls dropping farther over one eye.
"Exactly."
Shane stared at him. The bastard looked delighted again. Before Shane could decide whether kicking him would upset Anya, his phone vibrated in his hand at the exact moment Ilya's chimed against his chest. Anya's head snapped up between them.
Shane looked at Ilya. Ilya looked at Shane.
Then the grin came back.
"The team found it," Shane sighed.
Ilya was already reaching for his phone.
[10:02 AM Monday | Centaurs at 76% Power]
Bood:
[link: twitter.com — MathieuAfterDark: Done. Next Friday. My itine…]
yo am i reading this right? cap scored us a free night out next friday? let's fuckin goooooo
Wyatt:
Ilya finally using his powers of chirping for good 😂
Troy:
Harris says if anybody tags the team account after 9 he's blocking all of us
Nick:
Do we know where we're going?
Bood:
who fuckin cares man? free shit
Nick:
…good point
Evan:
Shane's quiet
Bood:
hollzy saw "night" and got scared
Luca:
Come with us Shane 💪🏻
Me:
Fuck off, Bood. I'm in.
Bood:
HOLLZY!!!
The next burst of notifications sent Anya's ears flat. She gave both phones an offended look, climbed over Shane's leg and dropped to the floor before padding toward her bed. Ilya watched her go and then he looked at the empty cushion beside Shane.
Shane saw the decision happen.
"Don't," he said.
Ilya was already moving. His knee sank into the warm place Anya had left, bringing him close enough that Shane caught his cologne again beneath the clean smell of laundry and dog fur.
"Science turns me on, Shane," Ilya purred as leant in closer to him.
"That is the worst thing you've said all week," Shane groaned.
"Not even close," Ilya said, reaching for the phone still in Shane's hand.
Shane pulled it away. "No."
"You said yes. Finished?"
"I'm reading the chat."
"You know ending. Bood screams about how he parties best."
The grin on Ilya's face suggested he considered this a complete summary of the Centaurs' group dynamics. Shane tucked the phone against his chest. Ilya reached once, met Shane's elbow, then changed tactics and kissed him. Cheap. Effective. Shane caught the back of Ilya's neck when he came in again, his fingers brushing the soft curls there. The second kiss lasted long enough for Shane to forget about defending anything. By the time he noticed Ilya's hand moving, the phone was already gone.
It landed on the far cushion.
"Asshole," Shane said.
Ilya kissed him again.
Shane smiled against his mouth. "What exactly about science turns you on, Ilya?"
"Reactions."
Ilya's mouth moved along the edge of Shane's jaw. Shane tipped his head without thinking about it, and Ilya found the place below his ear he had known for years. His lips stayed there until Shane's breath caught softly against his shoulder. Ilya lifted his head just far enough to look at him.
"See?" he said. "Reaction. Very sexy."
Shane laughed into his shoulder. "You truly are the Isaac Newton of the NHL."
Ilya braced one hand beside Shane's head and shifted farther over him. His weight pressed Shane back into the couch, the cushion dipping beneath his shoulders.
"Gravity," Ilya said.
"Jesus Christ." Shane was still laughing when he wrapped his legs around Ilya's hips.
Ilya's grin broke completely.
Shane caught him by the back of the neck and pulled him down again.
[9:43 AM Monday | Ilya]
Mathieu:
[Attachment: [OFFICIAL] CITY OF OTTAWA — NIGHTLIFE ECONOMY OFFICE
PROJECT FILE: CENTAURS NIGHTLIFE FINAL OPERATING ITINERARY.pdf]
Final itinerary attached. Reservations confirmed for twenty-six attendees. All costs Friday night will be covered personally by me. Tell me if anyone has allergies and share it with your team.
Ilya:
team is allergic to bad night. you also put my name in government work project? i am flattered. a lot of effort for first date.
Mathieu:
I invited twenty-four other people specifically so it wouldn't be.
Ilya:
fake mayor does not want me? this is heartbreaking news.
Mathieu:
My charity extends to taking your team out for one night. Dating you would be an act of charity that would be far too much.
Ilya:
fuck you.
Mathieu:
We've already established that I am not that generous.
Ilya:
wow, at least you have real jokes. seriously though. whole team and partners is a lot and this is very nice of you. thank you. 😉
Mathieu:
You're welcome. I'm glad you're all coming. It'll be nice to get another picture together.
[10:02 AM Monday | Centaurs at 76% Power]
Ilya:
[Attachment: [OFFICIAL] CITY OF OTTAWA — NIGHTLIFE ECONOMY OFFICE
PROJECT FILE: CENTAURS NIGHTLIFE FINAL OPERATING ITINERARY.pdf]
mathieu has put us on government document.
Bood:
APOTHECARY LOUNGE??? holy shit he's going all out
Wyatt:
Wait, seriously? That is where I took Lisa on our first date in Ottawa.
Bood:
cassie is gonna lose her fuckin mind
Ilya:
team. we need to think bigger. last christmas party big. let night mayor do his job properly.
Evan:
Ilya what the fuck? We swore we would never get that drunk again.
Ilya:
this time we do it for good cause. for fake mayor.
Evan:
True. In.
Luca:
in but I don't think anything is going to top that night lol :)
Bood:
FUCKIN IN BOYS LETS DO THIS SHITTTTT
Wyatt:
Fuckin hell… Alright, in. But keep Barrett away from the vodka. I'm not piggybacking his drunk ass again.
Troy:
Fuck off Haysey. That was all Harris' fault. We're in btw.
Bood:
throwing your fiancé under bus when he is not here to defend himself? poor fuckin form barrett. 😂
Troy:
Bro you passed out in a cubicle. Fuck all the way off. 😘
Nick:
Gentlemen, this is no time for fighting. Mathieu has voluntarily offered an open tab to twenty-six professional athletes and their partners. Bankrupting him is now our civic responsibility.
Bood:
fuck yes even grandpa is getting fuckin loose
Me:
You know Wiebe is going to make us pay, right?
Ilya:
no shane fake mayor is paying 🙂
Ottawa Centaurs · @OttawaCentaurs · 7:31 PM · Friday
Ottawa Night Mayor Mathieu Grondin is hosting members of the Ottawa Centaurs and their partners tonight to prove Ottawa has a nightlife worth leaving home for. He's even picking up the tab. Come say hello if you see us out.
@ilyarozanov81 · Instagram
[PHOTO: Ilya and Mathieu at the bar with their arms around each other. Mathieu is turned toward Ilya, beaming. Ilya faces the camera with his familiar lopsided smile, one hand hooked over Mathieu's shoulder.]
my good friend mathieu just told me he will buy all of the @OttawaCentaurs shots every time someone tags him in this post. see how happy he is to be good host? thank you for donations @grondindisco 😊
7:46 PM · Friday
⤹ @grondindisco
Ilya, you told me you liked my latest DJ mix and then someone took a photo of us straight after. I am not smiling because I agreed to buy the Centaurs shots and now using me and begging your followers for engagement.
⤹ @ilyarozanov81
lying on public platform isn't a good look.
⤹ @justagirl_intheworld
@grondindisco he weaponised a nice photo in under thirty seconds 😭
⤹ @typhanni_rae_jespalon
@grondindisco sorry diva i support rozanov's shenanigans
⤹ @kiki_wanna_kai_kai
Christian side-hugging @grondindisco while actively committing fraud is crazy work
@big.boody.problems · Instagram
[PHOTO: Bood sits behind three cocktails and four small plates of olives. A fifth plate is partly visible beside his elbow.]
never drink on an empty stomach! participating in local government activities responsibly.
8:02 PM · Friday
⤹ @cassie.boodram
I have never seen you eat this many olives. Ever. Even when I had jars of them around the house when I was pregnant with Milo.
⤹ @nickchouinard
We have been here sixteen minutes, Bood. Have some self-respect…
⤹ @grondindisco
@big.boody.problems why have the number of olive plates doubled at your table since you've uploaded this photo?
Apothecary Lounge · @ApothecaryLoungeOT · 8:11 PM · Friday
Hosting @OttawaCentaursOfficial and @grondindisco was not on our 2024 bingo card!
[VIDEO: The Centaurs have spread through the cocktail lounge. Ilya is at the bar beside Mathieu, laughing hard enough to lean into him. Wyatt and Lisa are crowded around someone's phone. Troy has one arm around Harris while Harris talks across him to Evan. Bood passes a cocktail to Cassie without surrendering the olive plate in his other hand. Near the edge of the room, Shane stands with Luca and Cassie beside a high table, drink in hand. Luca is midway through a story. Shane listens, smiles at something Cassie says, then glances briefly across the room toward Ilya before turning back to them.]
⤹ @boytoynamedstanley
lmaoo all t no shade but like ilya was always gonna have fun if you gave him an open tab and somebody to annoy
⤹ @clamato_juice043
shane looks like he's attending a work function 😭 this cannot be the big nightlife defence???
⤹ @periodofdowntime
everyone seems fine but "fine" is getting absolutely cooked by the amount of effort mathieu put into this
⤹ @haasy1fanboi
girl istg bood is going to eat his weight in olives at this point lmaooooo
Maya Pinion · @MayaPinion · 8:30 PM · Friday | HBIC @ The Lookout Bar
Okay so no shade to our lovely neighbours @ApothecaryLoungeOT but I know who's having fun on a night out and @ShaneHollander24 is NOT living there, darlings. @MathieuAfterDark why have you subjected my queer babies to this heterosexual night out? #ThatsMayaPinion
⤹ @MathieuAfterDark
Thirty minutes, Maya. You gave me thirty minutes before you started doing my job for me.
⤹ @ilyarozanov81
finally a not fake night mayor is saving all of us from boring night.
⤹ @MayaPinion
We're across the road, my dears. You're welcome to stop by! 🏳️🌈
Ottawa Centaurs · @OttawaCentaurs · 8:54 PM · Friday
Stop two. Expert-approved this time.
[PHOTO: Maya, in a white dress embellished with a red sequin maple leaf, stands between Mathieu and Ilya inside a packed queer bar. The Centaurs and partners crowd into the frame behind them. Shane has one arm around Ilya's waist. Bood is holding a paper cup containing what appear to be olives.]
⤹ @MayaPinion
MUCH better. Also, can somebody please get @big.boody.problems a martini for all these fucking olives?
⤹ @big.boody.problems
eyyyyyy make it two!
The Lookout Bar · @TheLookoutBar · 9:07 PM · Friday
Guys, gals and non-binary pals – we have a bunch of hot hockey players here. Repeat, we have a bunch of hot hockey players here. Welcome @OttawaCentaurs to our humble abode! We don't need to tell you this, but this was obviously all thanks to @MayaPinion
[VIDEO: Ilya is dancing near the edge of the floor with several teammates and partners. Maya passes behind them with both hands in the air, lip-syncing to the song. Shane stands at a high table nearby with one drink, watching Ilya. His shoulders move once with the music before he takes another sip.]
⤹ @ActualHimKardashian
@mayapinion Sisterrrr is that the @ilyarozanov81 dancing at our bar and you haven't gotten his shirt off yet? Losing your touch diva 💅🏾
⤹ @creasegremlin
aww Shane looks like he's having a better time at least. he almost moved. REVIEW THE TAPE
⤹ @Harris.Drover
He's been watching ilya for like five straight minutes it's soooo cute 😂😂
STORY · @Harris.Drover
[Harris pans slowly across three violently colourful shooters lined up on the bar, then flips the camera to Troy. Troy takes one look at them and grins.]
TROY: You're not doing both, so don't even think about it.
Harris swings the camera toward the empty space beside them, then back to himself as he leans into Troy's shoulder. Troy kisses his cheek.
HARRIS: Wasn't gonna, baby.
TROY: Bullshit.
Troy's eyes scan past the camera.
TROY: Hollander!
The camera flips. Shane turns from a nearby table and walks over.
SHANE: What?
TROY: Got you a water.
Troy leans over Harris and pushes a glass toward Shane.
SHANE: Thanks.
Harris slides the third shooter in beside it.
SHANE: Oh, fuck off.
Harris turns the camera back to face him as he and Troy crowd around Shane.
HARRIS: Come on, Shane. This is the first time the three of us have actually been in a gay bar together.
TROY: Plus Roz is over there having the time of his life. You gonna let him do all the work?
Shane glances toward the dance floor.
SHANE: What work?
HARRIS: You're Ottawa's golden boy, man. Prove your city doesn't suck and take a shot with us.
SHANE: That doesn't make sense and also, that is not my responsibility?
TROY: Then do it because you love us?
Shane laughs and picks up the shooter.
SHANE: You guys are such assholes.
HARRIS: Cheers!
The three glasses knock together.
[The video cuts as they take the shot.]
Maya Pinion · @MayaPinion · 9:30 PM · Friday
Girl, I have been scheming! FYI followers, I have found seven men with the cheek, the gall, the audacity AND the gumption who think their abs are closest to @ilyarozanov81. Going live on TikTok in five minutes to show the Night Mayor how we do science in the village 🌈. #ThatsMayaPinion
@ActualHimKardashian: Sisterrrr is that the @ilyarozanov81 dancing at our bar and you haven't gotten his shirt off yet? Losing your touch diva 💅🏾
⤹ @MathieuAfterDark
I'm never going to live this science thing down, am I?
⤹ @ilyarozanov81
no
⤹ @big.boody.problems
no
⤹ @HayesyHayes
no
⤹ @TroyBarrett17
no
⤹ @Shane24Hollander
no
[LIVE] @ThatsMayaPinion · 9:35 PM · Friday
Caption: The Lookout Bar is now a haus of science.
[The livestream opens on seven shirtless volunteers lined across the small stage while Maya prowls in front of them with a clipboard. The Centaurs and their partners have crowded in below with the rest of the bar, people pressed shoulder-to-shoulder around the stage. Shane stands near the front beside Ilya, drink in hand, already laughing at something Cassie has said.]
MAYA: As you can see, we have seven perfectly adequate male torsos attached to these gorgeous menseses. They have come forward tonight to claim their abs bear some resemblance to those belonging to Ottawa's favourite Russian public nuisance.
Maya pauses and looks down at contestant four's crotch.
MAYA: Some more adequate than others.
ILYA: They do not.
Maya doesn't even look at him.
MAYA: Sure, Jan.
The people packed around the stage crack up. The camera catches Ilya lifting his drink, grinning at his own predicament.
MAYA: Now, I could judge them myself, and God knows fifteen years of looking at half-naked men has made me spectacularly qualified.
She pivots and points the clipboard straight at Shane.
MAYA: But tonight, we have someone with a much more specialised field of study.
SHANE: Absolutely not.
The crowd lets out a resounding "boooooooo."
CASSIE: Shane, come on.
BOOD: Bro, who else are we gonna ask?
EVAN: Get up there, Hollzy.
HARRIS: You literally are married to the blueprint.
TROY: And you probably have those abs memorised better than line plays...
Shane snaps his gaze over to Troy.
SHANE: You want to keep talking?
Troy laughs and raises both hands.
TROY: I'm good.
Maya hugs the clipboard to her chest, delighted.
MAYA: Oh, so the pretty boy turns into a little bitch when she's got some liquor in her. Wonderful.
Shane breaks again. Bood immediately starts chanting "Hollzy." Cassie joins him, then Evan, and within seconds the chant has spread beyond the team into the crowd around them. Shane looks sideways at Ilya. Ilya says nothing. The camera zooms in on him, and he only gives Shane the small, crooked smile he has been wearing most of the night. Shane takes another drink, his cheeks positively scarlet by this point.
SHANE: Fuck it. Fine.
The chant breaks into cheers. Bood throws both arms in the air.
MAYA: There she is! Somebody put some safety glasses on Mrs. Rozanov because she's joining me as a woman in STEM.
SHANE: Don't call me that.
MAYA: Oh, honey. Those pouty lips of yours definitely make you one of the girls. Don't fight it.
Still grinning, Maya reaches beneath the lip of the stage and comes back up holding a black blindfold.
SHANE: What the fuck?
Maya raises the blindfold over her head and gives it a slow wave for the crowd. Whistles come from the back. Cassie is already clapping. Luca has collapsed into Ilya's side, who has slung an arm around him to support him.
MAYA: What? Darling, you've been married to that man long enough. If you still need your eyes, I'm revoking your gay card. You wouldn't want to become, straight, would you?
CASSIE: YES.
LISA: WORK IT SHANE.
BOOD: Oh, this is way better.
EVAN: Shane, bro, you have to now.
Shane closes his eyes for a second.
SHANE: Fine.
Maya steps down in front of him.
MAYA: Turn around, gorgeous. Let Auntie Maya remove the last remaining advantage of holy matrimony.
Shane hands his drink to Cassie and turns. Maya slips the blindfold over his eyes, ties it behind his head, and gives the knot one satisfied tug. She turns toward the camera.
MAYA: Let the game begin!
Someone screams. Shane's head drops as he starts laughing again.
[The livestream ends.]
[LIVE] @ThatsMayaPinion · 9:39 PM · Friday
[The livestream resumes with Shane blindfolded beside the stage. Maya has one hand around his forearm while the seven shirtless volunteers wait in a loose line in front of them. The crowd has packed even tighter since the first video ended, Centaurs and partners mixed into the people pressed around the stage. Several phones are already raised above heads.]
MAYA: So, for the folk joining us late: seven men looked at Ilya Rozanov's abs and decided theirs were close enough to get their shirts off for us. His husband knows the merchandise, so he's checking them blind. Closest stomach wins a hundred-dollar bar tab.
Maya guides Shane toward the first volunteer. She places his hands against the man's stomach.
The crowd quiets just enough to watch. Shane runs his palms once over his sides.
SHANE: Too narrow... Wait, am I meant to give them a score?
MAYA: Sure, love.
SHANE: Based on what?
MAYA: Fuck it, I don't know? Similarity? Your cock's reaction to it? Pick one.
Shane pauses.
SHANE: Four?
Maya looks down at Shane's crotch.
MAYA: Inches? Poor Ilya.
Shane's face somehow manages to become a shade deeper beneath the blindfold. The camera swings briefly toward Ilya. He has his beer lifted to his mouth but is laughing too hard to drink from it. Maya moves Shane one place down the line. A few voices from the back start shouting scores at him while Maya waves them down with the clipboard.
MAYA: Number two. Give us something, baby.
Shane feels across the second man's stomach. His thumbs briefly follow the line beneath his ribs.
SHANE: Better. Six.
BOOD: Six? Bro, he's fucking shredded.
The camera jerks toward Bood in the crowd. He gestures emphatically at the volunteer like the evidence should be obvious.
SHANE: He's not Ilya.
BOOD: That's not the question.
SHANE: That is literally the question.
Cassie nearly loses her drink laughing. Evan grabs Bood by the shoulder while Bood keeps trying to argue over everyone. Maya lifts the clipboard between Shane and the noise coming from the team.
MAYA: Thank you, gentlemen. The heterosexual consultation period has now closed.
The camera catches Ilya pushing his beer into Troy's hand. Troy looks down at the second bottle.
TROY: Oh, you fucking...
Ilya pulls his shirt over his head. Harris sees Troy looking toward the stage and grabs him by the jaw. He pulls Troy into a kiss. Troy protests into Harris's mouth for all of half a second before kissing him back. The camera swings back toward Ilya. Cassie has spotted him moving through the crowd and clamps a hand over her mouth. Bood opens his mouth. Ilya presses one finger to his lips before he can get the word out. He slips into the next open spot in the lineup. A few people nearest the stage catch what he's done and start elbowing the people beside them. At the edge of the frame, Maya catches the movement. Her eyes travel from Ilya's bare chest to his face. Ilya gives her a tiny, shameless shrug. Maya raises one eyebrow. She taps the clipboard once against her palm. Then she deliberately turns back to Shane.
MAYA: Alright, next victim. Hands up, gorgeous.
The people who have caught on start shushing everyone around them. Maya takes Shane by the wrists. She guides him forward. His palms settle against Ilya's stomach. They pull back instantly.
SHANE: What the fuck? This is Ilya.
An airhorn blasts through the speakers and the room explodes. The camera jolts and pans down as whoever is filming gets knocked sideways by the reaction. It stops on the table the Centaurs are at. Bood is doubled over against Evan. Cassie is screaming. Wyatt is shaking his head. Someone behind the camera is shrieking, "ONE TOUCH!" Shane shoves the blindfold onto his forehead. He finds Ilya standing shirtless in the lineup with a deeply satisfied smile.
SHANE: You asshole.
Maya doubles over laughing, one hand braced on her knee.
ILYA: You said closest.
Maya straightens.
MAYA: I did. And I saw your shady ass get in line.
ILYA: So you agree I win?
MAYA: Oh, don't you fucking get cocky with me.
ILYA: Come on, Maya. You have eyes. Tell them.
Maya looks him slowly up and down.
MAYA: The torso is excellent. The man attached to it is disqualified.
Tamra Judge's iconic THAT'S MY OPINION! screech blares through the bar's speakers. Ilya laughs and turns toward the crowd.
ILYA: Audience disagrees, yes?
Ilya cups a hand behind his ear. Someone whistles from the back while several people start chanting "Roz." The camera drops toward the Centaurs. Bood and Evan are groaning. Cassie has both hands over her face. Harris has one arm around Troy and is cheering with absolutely no shame. Luca has both hands cupped around his mouth, enthusiastically helping him. Ilya looks back at Maya and gives her a victorious little nod.
ILYA: See?
Maya points toward the floor beside her.
MAYA: Stay.
The crowd laughs. Ilya starts toward the edge of the stage anyway.
MAYA: Nuh-uh. Where the fuck do you think you're going, young man?
Ilya stops. He turns back with both eyebrows raised.
MAYA: You think you can just take your shirt off, fuck up actual science in my house and stroll back to your beer? Absolutely not. You're going in our version of the Sin Bin.
Several Centaurs start making exaggerated penalty-box gestures from below.
ILYA: Are you going to make me?
Maya plants one hand on her hip.
MAYA: Baby, I'm six foot five in heels and bench two-forty. Do you really want to find out?
The bar cheers like she has handed down a sentence. Ilya throws both hands up, laughing. He stays where she put him. Maya turns back to Shane.
MAYA: Now, Shane, we reward the people who participate in our bullshit. What can we get you, darling? A cosmo? Tequila? Don't say beer, dear. You're better than that.
SHANE: Just a dry ginger ale is fine.
Maya freezes. The people nearest the stage catch it first.
MAYA: Wait. Wait.
A record scratch cuts through the bar. The scattered conversation around the stage dies with it.
MAYA: First of all, Lookout Bar history being made tonight: somebody has been offered free booze and said no.
Shane laughs. A few people applaud him. Someone from farther back boos the decision.
MAYA: Second... Dry ginger ale. Canada Dry?
SHANE: Yeah.
Maya stares at him.
MAYA: That's your drink?
SHANE: It's my favourite.
Maya goes completely still. Shane looks toward Ilya. Ilya's smile has vanished into the particular expression of a man who has just realised exactly where this is going. Shane bites down on his own. Maya turns very slowly toward him.
ILYA: Is still...
MAYA: Nuh-uh. You stand there in your nakedness and fucking zip it.
Ilya closes his mouth. He folds his arms across his bare chest while people below the stage laugh at him.
MAYA: So, Shane. Darling. Let me get this straight. Your husband has spent a full week calling your favourite drink "boring water" in front of the entire country?
Shane looks at Ilya again. Ilya gives him a tiny warning shake of the head. Shane presses his lips together. Cassie catches the exchange and starts laughing before Shane answers.
SHANE: Um. No comment?
MAYA: Then allow me to make a fucking comment.
THAT'S MY OPINION! blasts from the DJ deck again.
MAYA: Your shady bitch of a husband has been waving his little science dick around for a week with Mayor Whitebread over there, and nobody thought to verify his findings with the man who actually drinks the shit?
Heads turn through the crowd toward Mathieu. Someone near the stage shouts, "WHITEBREAD!" Another voice immediately answers, "MAYOR WHITEBREAD!" The camera swings through the crowd and catches Mathieu laughing despite himself.
MATHIEU: Really? Whitebread?
Maya raises the clipboard toward him without turning around.
MAYA: Save it, Whitebread. We're fixing this.
That gets Mathieu booed affectionately from somewhere behind the camera. People around the stage start shouting suggestions at Maya. Someone yells for more ginger ale. Someone else yells for a hose. Ilya remains stranded onstage, laughing as the room enthusiastically plans his downfall around him.
Maya turns toward the camera.
MAYA: Nobody leave. Nobody give this Russian fuck his shirt back. I need ten minutes, a bucket and enough Canada Dry to ruin his evening.
Several phones go straight back into the air. Ilya spreads his arms at the audience like he cannot believe they have betrayed him this quickly.
Maya points the clipboard toward the DJ booth.
MAYA: Hit it.
The opening beat of "Heads Will Roll (A-Trak Remix)" blasts through the speakers. The crowd surges back into the music. Maya winks playfully at Ilya and whispers something quickly to Shane, then struts away from the stage through a corridor people immediately open for her. The camera stays on Ilya for another second. He watches her go, shirtless and laughing, while the Centaurs below heckle him.
[The livestream ends.]
[LIVE] @ThatsMayaPinion · 9:44 PM · Friday
Caption: WOMEN IN STEM HAVE TAKEN CONTROL
[The livestream opens on Ilya still shirtless onstage, sprawled back in a chair with his knees apart and one arm hooked over the back. Shane has rejoined the Centaurs below the stage. Maya now has a fresh can of Canada Dry in one hand and a plastic donation bucket in the other. Mathieu waits near the steps while the crowd presses in around them, already laughing whenever the camera catches him.]
MAYA: Alright, sluts. Auntie Maya has reviewed the evidence, and the men have fucked it. So we're rerunning the experiment, and this time their bad science is raising money for queer kids.
The people packed around the stage cheer. Maya thrusts the bucket toward the Centaurs.
MAYA: And you rich motherfuckers better pay up. I know what NHL contracts look like.
The bucket disappears into the crowd. Money starts going in immediately while people around the Centaurs heckle them to add more. Bood reaches for his wallet. Harris leans across Troy to shove money in first.
ILYA: This will be very sticky.
Maya turns on him.
MAYA: Sweetheart, I'm sure you're used to sticky liquids on your chest. You'll survive.
Ilya drops his head back against the chair, laughing.
MAYA: Mayor Whitebread. Get your ass up here.
MATHIEU: I knew that was coming.
MAYA: Then why the fuck aren't you moving?
Mathieu starts toward the steps. A few voices near the Centaurs pick up "Whitebread" as he climbs, and the chant spreads just far enough to make him glance back at them. Maya presses the can into his hand and points toward Ilya.
MAYA: There's your problem child. Make him useful.
Ilya lifts one hand.
ILYA: I should run experiment.
Maya looks him up and down.
MAYA: Baby, you're shirtless in my Sin Bin. You don't run shit.
Ilya grins and sinks back into the chair. Maya lifts the can toward Shane.
MAYA: Hollander! Brand check.
Shane looks at it and starts laughing again.
SHANE: That's the one.
Ilya turns toward him.
ILYA: Malysh. You are supposed to protect me.
Shane takes a slow sip of his drink.
SHANE: I thought science turned you on?
Wyatt doubles over against Luca while Bood points toward Shane like he's been waiting all night for that. Ilya stares at him for a beat, then points across the room.
ILYA: I will remember this later.
Shane smiles over the rim of his glass.
SHANE: Counting on it.
Mathieu turns the can over once in his hand.
MATHIEU: Alright, Captain. You wanted increased exposure?
Ilya settles deeper into the chair and spreads his arms.
ILYA: Come on, Professor. Don't be shy now.
Whistles cut through the music. More phones rise over the crowd, and somebody near the front starts yelling for Mathieu to shake the can. Mathieu smiles. He starts shaking it. A few people closest to Ilya lean back pre-emptively while everyone behind them crowds forward to see.
ILYA: Oh, fuck...
Mathieu cracks it open and Canada Dry bursts across Ilya's chest and face. Ilya jerks sideways in the chair, laughing, but Mathieu follows him with the spray. Foam catches in his curls, runs down his throat and streaks across his stomach while he tries unsuccessfully to shield himself with one arm.
MAYA: YES, BITCH! NOW THAT'S MOTHERFUCKIN' SCIENCE!
Bood is jumping below the stage. Harris has both hands in the air. Luca pounds the edge of the stage while Shane gives up trying not to laugh. Mathieu gives the can one final shake. It sputters empty. Ilya slumps back into the chair, dripping and still trying to catch his breath. Mathieu looks down at the Canada Dry coating his own hand. Then he turns toward Shane and raises one finger.
MATHIEU: May I?
Shane covers his mouth, laughing.
SHANE: You get one.
Ilya looks between them.
ILYA: What...
Mathieu runs one finger slowly up the middle of Ilya's chest. The saxophone riff from "Careless Whisper" blasts through the bar and the room detonates. Mathieu puts the finger into his mouth. Ilya folds forward laughing while Maya shrieks into the microphone. Harris grabs Troy with both hands. Cassie disappears against Luca's shoulder. Several people nearest the stage are physically hanging onto each other. Mathieu considers the taste.
MATHIEU: I can confirm it tastes considerably worse after contact with Rozanov.
Ilya lifts his head. He looks at Mathieu. Mathieu sees it too late.
MATHIEU: Don't you...
Ilya launches out of the chair and catches him around the shoulders. Mathieu twists away, laughing, but Ilya drags him against his sticky chest and deliberately rubs himself across the front of Mathieu's suit.
MAYA: THAT'S IT! RUIN THE SUIT!
Mathieu finally gets one arm loose.
MATHIEU: For crying out loud.
Ilya only hugs him tighter.
ILYA: Increased exposure.
Maya folds over the microphone laughing while Mathieu gives up trying to escape.
[The livestream ends.]
@MayaPinion · Instagram
[PHOTO: Maya stands between Ilya and Mathieu onstage, one arm around each of them. Ilya is shirtless, soaked and grinning so hard his eyes are nearly closed. Mathieu's shirt now has a large sticky imprint across the front from Ilya's hug. Maya holds the donation bucket against her hip like a trophy.]
Turns out I AM a woman in STEM. Tonight's "research" raised $4,284 for our babies at @OttawaRainbowYouth. Thank you to these two dickheads for being good sports. 💖
9:53 PM · Friday
⤹ @MentallyJill
girrrrrl i am deceased. that livestream was insane. we truly live in the best fucking timeline.
⤹ @5roughdiamonds
wait they actually LIKE each other 😭?!?
⤹ @OttawaRainbowYouth
🏳️🌈❤️🏳️🌈
STORY · @TheLookoutBar
Text over video:
we love our new allies 🏳️🌈❤️
[VIDEO: The camera pans steadily across the dance floor. Ilya is still shirtless in the middle of it, dancing with Bood, Luca, Evan, Wyatt and Nick, who have all lost their shirts in solidarity. Players, partners and Lookout regulars move around them in one loose crowd, drinks lifted overhead as the song changes.
The pan carries toward the side of the room. Mathieu is at a high table with Shane, Cassie and Lisa, laughing at something Shane has said. Farther back in the crowd, Harris and Troy are dancing together away from the main group, wrapped up in each other and barely paying attention to anything else.
The camera drifts back across the floor as Ilya throws both arms up and Bood nearly loses his drink beside him.]
@ilyarozanov81 started a Live video · 10:54 PM · Friday
[The livestream starts with Ilya cutting through the crowd toward Mathieu, still shirtless and faintly sticky from the Canada Dry. He hooks an arm around Mathieu's shoulders and pulls him into frame. Mathieu immediately tries to peel him off.]
ILYA: Hello, fans. Did you know this boring man is also DJ as well as fake mayor?
MATHIEU: I am the night mayor and, yes, also a DJ. And you are a sweaty, sticky mess.
Mathieu finally gets Ilya's arm off his shoulders.
Ilya immediately crowds back into frame beside him.
ILYA: I tell you before I like your mix.
MATHIEU: You did.
ILYA: Was lie to make you smile. Probably boring music like your favourite Canada Dry.
Mathieu stares at him for a beat.
MATHIEU: You truly are uniquely insufferable.
Ilya grins and leans closer again.
ILYA: Maybe if you bat your pretty eyelashes, maybe DJ will let you play boring mix?
MATHIEU: Ilya, we weren't even supposed to be at this bar.
ILYA: Excuses. Fake mayor, fake DJ, fake promises. This is very sad first date.
Mathieu sighs.
MATHIEU: I didn't bring my laptop because I wasn't expecting Maya to hijack my itinerary and you to demand a set halfway through the night.
ILYA: Real DJ would be ready.
Mathieu's expression shifts.
MATHIEU: Well, fortunately for me, I know you well enough to plan for emergencies. My assistant is already bringing it.
Ilya pauses.
ILYA: You had assistant waiting because of me?
MATHIEU: I had my assistant on standby because I knew at some point tonight you were going to pull something like this.
Ilya flips the camera toward himself, delighted.
ILYA: Wow. Assistant on standby. Laptop coming. You think about me so much, Mathieu.
MATHIEU: Don't flatter yourself.
ILYA: So much work for first date.
Ilya turns the camera back toward Mathieu.
Mathieu gives him a long look.
MATHIEU: You want a set? I'll show you a fucking set.
Mathieu winks and steps out of frame.
Ilya turns the camera back on himself and watches him disappear into the crowd.
ILYA: Fake mayor tried to be sexy. Was terrible. Hope his DJ set is better.
[Live ends.]
STORY · @Harris.Drover
[The video opens on the DJ booth. Mathieu is behind the decks with his laptop open beside the mixer, a row of clipped Ilya interview samples queued across the screen. The track drops out just long enough for Ilya's voice—obviously chopped together from different interviews—to come through the club speakers.]
ILYA'S VOICE: My name is Ilya Rozanov and I love Night Mayor Mathieu. I want to be his little puppy. Woof, woof.
A filthy bass line drops hard enough to make the room scream. Maya and two other queens are onstage clacking fans above their heads while Mathieu grins down at the controls.
The track cuts again.
ILYA'S VOICE: Is liar. Liar told you that. I said Mathieu is very sexy.
The beat slams back in.
Harris swings the camera toward the dance floor. Ilya is doubled over laughing, one hand braced on Shane's shoulder while Shane laughs with him.
HARRIS: He's really good.
Troy answers from somewhere behind the camera.
TROY: Okay, Camp Rock.
Harris snorts.
[Story cuts.]
[The camera flips around. Harris is tucked back against Troy, whose arms are wrapped loosely around his waist. Troy rests his chin on Harris's shoulder and kisses the side of his head before Harris turns the camera toward the stage.]
TROY: Where the fuck did Bood and Dykstra get boas?
Harris zooms in.
Bood and Evan are onstage beside Maya and the other queens, both still shirtless and now wearing enormous feather boas while dancing with complete commitment.
HARRIS: I don't know.
TROY: I fuckin' want one.
[Story cuts.]
[The video pans away from the stage and through the crowd. Shane and Ilya are dancing together near the middle of the floor, Ilya's arm around Shane's waist while Shane laughs at something he says into his ear.]
HARRIS: Babe, we need to do celebratory shots because tonight is officially as good as last year's Christmas party. Then we're definitely getting on that stage.
Troy leans closer behind him.
TROY: Okay. But water chasers, okay?
HARRIS: Booooooo.
[Story ends.]
@MayaPinion · Instagram
[PHOTO: Maya poses onstage between Bood and Dykstra. Both men are still shirtless, both are wearing enormous feather boas, and both are striking muscleman poses. In the background, half-obscured by the crowd, Shane has one hand at the back of Ilya's neck while they kiss on the dance floor.]
Apparently, I have two new daughters. Meet Bacchanal Barbie and Lumber Jill. They're total bricks right now but there's a glamazon hiding in them. Somewhere. @big.boody.problems @BigEvanE_OnTheD #WereAllBornNakedAndTheRestIsDrag
11:11 PM · Friday
⤹ @OttawaCentaurs
ordering jerseys for Bacchanal Barbie and Lumber Jill RIGHT NOW
⤹ @technotronic__3
WHY IS THE OFFICIAL TEAM ACCOUNT TALKING LIKE THIS LMAOOOO 😭
⤹ @britbridge.2far
okay but zoom into the background because SHANE HOLLANDER is fully making out with his husband in the middle of the dance floor!
⤹ @wwwhatdidshesay?
hollander normally looks like he files taxes for fun and now he's kissing rozanov in the club. iconic.
⤹ @tempeh_ibarelyknowher
forget the jerseys somebody check who has custody of the team socials
@grondindisco · Instagram
[PHOTO: Mathieu stands between Shane and Ilya near the edge of the dance floor, one arm around each of them. Ilya is still shirtless, flushed and grinning, a fresh bite mark visible low on the side of his neck. Shane is tucked against his other side looking entirely too pleased with himself. Mathieu looks equally delighted.]
"Not bad, Night Mayor." - Ilya Rozanov.
Thank you to @Mayapinion – you are truly an institution. "Ilya Rozanov is a puppy" coming soon to all streaming platforms.
11:52 PM · Friday
⤹ @OttawaCentaurs
rozanov isa pupy is a fuckin bangerrr man
⤹ @countrychickenbuffet
HELLO???? THE BITE MARK????
⤹ @JamminOnMyPlanner
Shane standing there looking THAT pleased with himself… we don't need a forensic investigation to know what happened there 😭
⤹ @minorchordmajorlift
hate to say it but the fake dj allegations are collapsing too. mathieu actually cooked
⤹ @queerasfunk
Someone needs to take the phone off Harris immediately lmfao. #SomebodysGettingFired
STORY · @OttawaCentaurs
[VIDEO: The back of a party Uber glows under cheap rotating disco lights. Harris is folded heavily into Troy's shoulder with one arm hooked around him, singing along to "Complicated" with enormous confidence and almost no relationship to the actual melody. Troy has an arm around his waist and is laughing hard enough to shake the camera when Harris tries to drag him into the chorus.]
[Story ends.]
[1:42 AM Saturday | Centaurs at 76% Power]
Troy:
I've deleted the story and taken Harris' phone off him.
7 😂
They had showered as soon as they got home. Ilya still smelled faintly of mango where his damp hair brushed Shane's forehead, the last of the Canada Dry finally gone from his skin. Shane lay tucked along his side beneath the blankets with one leg threaded between Ilya's. Ilya's arm stayed firm around his middle, holding him close enough that moving away would have required an actual decision. Shane had no interest in making one.
"You have this little strip of hair right here." Shane said as he traced the upper edge of Ilya's left ab with two fingers. "I felt it."
"That was how you knew?" Ilya asked.
His palm moved from Ilya's ribs to his chest, catching in the familiar hair before he reached the rough stubble beneath Ilya's jaw. Ilya turned his face into Shane's hand and kissed the centre of his palm. He had been smiling like this all night. Shane had seen that same lopsided grin when he shoved the blindfold into his hair and found Ilya standing shirtless in front of him, pleased beyond reason with his own cheating. Outside, waiting for their ride, Ilya had wrapped both arms around Shane from behind and laughed into his neck at something Bood yelled from the curb. Since they got married, Shane had heard Ilya laugh that hard and freely more often than he had in all the years before. Shane rubbed his thumb through the stubble beneath Ilya's chin.
"You bullied him into inviting us out so we could go on a date."
"We go on dates."
"Not like that. Not where we aren't checking for cameras."
The grin eased at one corner. Ilya's fingers moved slowly across Shane's back.
"Malysh, I don't care about cameras for me anymore," he said. "Only if you care."
Shane kept looking at him. The crooked smile came back at one corner of Ilya's mouth, small enough that Shane had to be this close to catch it. He pushed himself up and swung a leg over Ilya. Ilya caught his hip as Shane settled astride his waist, and a short, sharp breath left him under Shane's weight. Shane planted his palm against Ilya's chest.
"See?" Ilya murmured as he looked up at him. "Gravity is sexy."
Shane laughed and leaned down to kiss him. Ilya met him halfway. Shane kept one hand along his jaw, his thumb brushing the stubble there as the kiss lingered. When Shane kissed him again, Ilya's palm spread across the small of his back and drew him closer until Shane's chest rested against his. The rasp of Ilya's jaw beneath his hand brought back Maya pulling the blindfold over his eyes and the certainty of Ilya's body beneath his palms. Later, on the dance floor, Shane had seen a phone lifted beyond Ilya's shoulder. He had left his hand at the back of Ilya's neck and kissed him anyway.
He kissed him harder now.
Ilya answered with a warm hand sliding higher between Shane's shoulder blades. His other arm tightened around Shane's waist and guided him onto his back, careful even with Shane still wrapped around him. Ilya followed him into the mattress without breaking the kiss. When they drew apart, he stayed close enough that Shane could feel his breath against his mouth. Shane brushed the damp hair back from Ilya's forehead.
"Thank you."
Ilya held his eyes. The corner of his mouth lifted again as his hand slid around Shane's side and drew him close.
Shane kissed him again.
Mathieu Grondin · @MathieuAfterDark · 10:12 AM · Monday
Pleased to share the next stage of our late-night transit and hospitality pilot, developed with local venues, workers and community partners. More details and public consultation dates below.
⤹ @ilyarozanov81
i will endorse this if you take @OttawaCentaurs out again
⤹ @MathieuAfterDark
Captain, my personal funds are not an extension of Ottawa's nightlife budget. They are certainly not there to subsidize your drinking and poor decision-making.
⤹ @ilyarozanov81
boring mayor