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Madara sits, watching Kanata flip through the magazines he snuck in. The hum of the staff working endlessly to serve their master becomes background noise in their little abode. It was closer to Kanata's abode though, as Madara wasn't really supposed to be there.
"what, what is this?" Kanata mumbles, pointing at something on the page. Madara raps his knuckles on Kanata's shoulder affectionately, saying, "You've gotta speak up, yanno. It's hard to hear ya, God." Kanata frowned up at him, and it's hard not to giggle at the sight. He looks like a toddler trying to get their way by throwing a tantrum. "just die."
Madara merely ruffles his hair in response. "So what's this all about?" He peers over Kanata's shoulder to see an advertisement for a new movie in theaters.
"COME NOW, 50% OFF TICKETS BEFORE CHRISTMAS!!!!" the headline screams. The advertisement presents an exaggerated youth's face of shock, and a rotten building in the background. Kanata presses a palm on the image of the young boy. "mm. what is this." he repeats.
"Oh, it's a movie." Madara replies, combing through Kanata's hair absentmindedly. It really was way too long to take care of. But also, stupid cult rules or something. So he can't do anything about the hair. So stupid.
"what's a "movie"?"
"Hmm... it's basically when a bunch of people act out a story. Something like puppet shows, but with real people."
It's difficult to explain to someone who has never stepped foot outside his tiny room what most things are. Makes him really think about how little Kanata's really experienced. Even though he's secretly snuck stuff in and done everything to help Kanata experience a real life, even taking on punishments from his parents, Kanata only knows a fraction of the world outside.
"There are different kinds of movies," he continues, still trying to untangle Kanata's long hair. "There is horror, and there is romance, and there is action."
"what kind is this?" Kanata murmurs, fingers now clutching his plushie. "That's a horror movie," and in anticipation of Kanata's next question, he adds, "It's a movie where there are scenes that make you scared. Horror is a name for things that scare people."
"nothing scares mikejima," is Kanata's solemn answer. Somehow, a hearty laugh erupts from Madara. He couldn't be farther from the truth. He's afraid of everything. Of being taken from Kanata, of Kanata having to step into his role in the future and leaving him behind, of never seeing Kanata again. He's afraid of the day that Kanata will disappear behind those blinds for the rest of his life, never coming out again, bound to his role of "God." There are so, so many things that ache at him everyday. If anything, the fearless one is Kanata.
"kanata is afraid." Kanata says abruptly. "kanata is scared of mikejima leaving. kanata is scared of mikejima getting hurt because of kanata."
“is what ‘horror’ means?”
The proclamation stuns Mikejima.
He laughs and pinches Kanata's cheeks, suddenly reassured. "God is so dumb. Isn't that right?"
"praise kanata more~ehe~ufufu," Said God giggles.
"Yeah, you're dumb," Madara chuckles, running his hand through the long locks, fondness in his tone. "Obviously I'll never leave you."
One day, we'll grow up, and maybe you'll leave me behind. It's a sad truth, right? That you'll disappear into that secret room deep in the house someday? It makes me scared, if you believe that. I'm not afraid of horror movies, but that scares me more than anything.
I know you're not a real God. A real god could heal my sister, and a real god wouldn't have to be cooped up in this place full of mazes and traps to catch the unfaithful. Though you deny it, I know it's true.
It doesn't matter though. It's not your fault, he thinks, whilst he attempts to braid Kanata’s hair. You're too young to understand why your existence is so pitiful. It was never your fault you were taught your existence can grant any wish. I just want to save you.
Will there be someone else in the future, who'll teach you human things, who'll teach you to be human, who'll save you? I don't think I'll be able to save you, but I'll keep praying, to whichever God is out there, that someone will take you from this godforsaken place.
“mikejima, bring more magazines. god has finished.” he demands. “God just makes me work allll day,” Madara sighs with exaggerated exhaustion, “alllll day, he must have his magazines~what a pitiful soul I am! I can't get more magazines ‘til I come back again. Ya just have to be patient, alright?”
“kanata is very patient.” Kanata corrects Madara.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever~” Madara waves him off.
They spend the rest of the time in relative silence, Kanata piping up from time to time to ask Madara about something he found within the pages, and Madara patiently attempting to braid the tangled hair. “Next time I get pocket money, I've gotta buy you a proper brush.”
Kanata makes no comment, but he tries his best to drag his fingers through the strands, Madara laughing at the attempt. The silence is comfy, and for those hours, he can believe that the walls surrounding them don't exist, that they're spending an average day together. That Kanata attends school with him everyday, and they spend their afternoons watching tokusatsu shows and ignoring their homework. And Kanata eats heartily everyday, runs around the school field without breaking a sweat, strong and free. Something normal like that. It's not wrong of him to dream.
When his parents finally come to take him away from Kanata, he feels a deeper ache in his chest than before. Leaving that gentle scene in his head wrenches his fears awake.
What happens when I have to leave forever? Will I need to leave him alone?
On their way out, they pass by where the field of flower seeds he planted are. If he tiptoes, he can see the little green shoots forcing their way through the ground, to reach the welcoming sun above. “It's like ‘God’ is the sun above us, and we’re all the little saplings reaching for his generous hand,” he mutters absentmindedly. Maybe I'll be the huge beanstalk that reaches to the sun and takes it with me.
I can't give up. Maybe someday, someone else will find a way to take him from that Abode of God, but that doesn't mean everything I do is useless. I'll introduce him to this beautiful human world, so he'll be ready to enter it. And maybe my efforts will come to fruition, and we can both run free.
I refuse to leave you without a fight. You can't see what's wrong in this place, but I'll fight for you. Until we're both free.