Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Ragatha felt the strangest sense of deja vu. It felt like she woke up from a long dream and suddenly burst into consciousness. What was she doing again?

She looked down to see that she was sitting on the piano bench. Oh, that’s right, she was planning to play. Her fingers ghosted over the black and white keys. Why was she playing the piano again?

“You okay, Ragatha? I promise I’m not a critic, or anything. No need to be nervous.”

Ragatha jumped, turning to see Pomni sitting on the ground behind her. Oh, she remembered now! She agreed to give Pomni a piano recital next time they decided to hang out together, sans stupid sauce. Not that she missed indulging in it, or anything…

As a matter of fact, in the recent days without it, the empty bottle hardly crossed her mind. If anything, the desire for the sauce all but dissipated after the two of them had a harsh trip on the beach, where they promptly knocked out. Or, at least, that’s what an onlooker would see. She vaguely remembered an incredibly realistic dream of two stars orbiting each other through space…

Regardless of how nice the dream was, she woke up the next morning with a migraine and sand in her mouth. (It was nice to wake up next to Pomni, though…)

Rather than the stupid sauce occupying her mind, the only thing she could think about was the stupid recital she had agreed to give. What was she thinking? Did she forget that she didn’t remember a single complete piece? She could only remember scales and a few snippets here and there. She couldn’t possibly have enough material to perform an entire show.

She practiced relentlessly, a newfound insomnia taking hold of her. She sat at the piano bench for hours, racking her brain for enough material to satisfy her own high expectations. She cursed her stupid digital body, wishing to take scissors to her hands if it meant she could have her fingers back. Frustration wracked her.

Unconsciously, as a result of her anxiety, she avoided Pomni during the day. Seeing her was a reminder of what she wasn’t ready for. Her stomach clenched, knowing full well that this was her self-sabotaging habits at work. What if her actions were interpreted as her abandoning Pomni? How awful would that seem, after Ragatha made a big deal about the jester possibly doing the same to her?

The thought turned her blood to ice. However, she couldn’t stop herself from running away. She wasn’t ready. She needed more time to practice. 

Before she knew it, almost a week and a half had passed since their night at the beach, and she made no mention of the recital to Pomni. 

The jester's silence made Ragatha overthink even more. Was Pomni being polite by letting Ragatha extend the invitation first? After all, the ragdoll was the one intending to perform. 

However, she couldn’t stop pondering the worst-case scenario. What if Pomni didn’t want to watch her perform anymore? Had she lost interest in her?

When Ragatha caught herself thinking these thoughts, she smacked her hands to her cheeks. No, Pomni wasn’t like that, she reminded herself. The last thing she needed was to plant a seed of doubt in her mind.

Rather than marinating in her negative thoughts, she channeled the energy into practicing the piano. 

She didn’t allow herself to break her momentum. Each day, she pushed through the exhaustion that weighed her down. She justified her actions by reminding herself that they, technically, don’t need to sleep. Whatever her body was telling her was nothing but a digital hallucination. She dug deep for the willpower to overcome her limits.

Ragatha slammed her hands against the piano keys, followed by a jarringly loud cacophony. She resisted the urge to scream lest she wake up everyone in the hallway. No matter what she did, she couldn’t remember the rest of the song.

Frustrated tears threatened to fall. This used to be her family’s favorite piece. Now, she couldn’t even remember the name.

She slumped forward, propping her elbows on the piano keys and ignoring the disjointed notes that came with the action. She hung her head. Maybe she and Pomni could find something else to do. This all felt like way too much pressure. She felt lightheaded as her last remaining crumbs of energy slipped away… Her head started to hurt, the blatant first signs of a migraine. The lights in her room were too bright for her to handle. 

She bit the inside of her cheek. Even if Pomni was okay with doing something else together, she hoped the jester wouldn’t be as disappointed in her as she was with herself.

Dragging herself away from the piano, she sighed as she swung her legs over the seat. Without the weight of expectations holding her down, she felt like a feather that just escaped a tornado’s warpath. Maybe she would go to bed a little early tonight… Ignoring the fact that she had practiced for less than an hour and nighttime started not long ago.

Ragatha wished she could cry. Anything to alleviate the crushing sense of disappointment that threatened to consume her. 

As she tucked herself into bed, burying herself in the sheets, she found herself wishing Pomni was with her. It felt like it had been so long since she’d last seen her. Maybe the jester’s presence would be enough to quell her thoughts. 

After completing that thought, Ragatha heard a distinct, confident knock at her door.

Her heart dropped. Her stomach sank. She seeped through the floor. Insert any other way to describe how her body froze. Ragatha’s first instinct was to desperately hide away.

There was only one person who would be on the other side of that door. 

She pulled her blankets closer. She must have imagined the sound. Yes, Pomni had been there last time there was a knock, but there was always a chance she was imagining things again, like old times. Jeez, how desperate could she be for someone’s company that she was driven to delusion?

There was another knock, slightly softer than before. Ragatha bit her lip.

$%@&. Pomni really was waiting there.

The imagery of Pomni dejectedly walking away squeezed Ragatha’s heart. She couldn’t do that to her friend.

Willing all her courage, Ragatha leapt out of bed. “I’m coming- Ack!” Her foot got caught in her covers, and she landed on her chest with a smack; the wind knocked right out of her. How helpful. As if she wasn’t already struggling for air.

“Are you okay?” Ragatha heard Pomni call through the door.

She nodded rapidly as if the jester could see her. Realizing, she smacked herself upside the head as she struggled to get up and recollect herself. “Yep! Totally fine! One second, please!”

She crawled across the floor, pushing herself up to her feet as she moved. She was chewing her lip into a ragged mess. Maybe Pomni wasn’t here for a recital? After all, they haven’t talked about it since that night on the beach. Heck, there was a chance she forgot they even planned it!

Surely she was just here to drop something off. Ragatha couldn’t think of what that something would be, but she deluded herself into believing it to be the only answer.

Ragatha sucked in a breath as she turned the knob before swinging the door open. 

As expected, Pomni stood on the other side patiently, her hands clasped behind her back. She was looking to the side as she waited, her gaze flickering to meet Ragatha’s as soon as the door opened. The jester’s face lit up with a calm smile. Ragatha’s stomach was doing backflips.

“Hey, you.”

“What are you doing here?” Ragatha blurted out before smacking a hand over her mouth. The jester snickered at her. “I mean, sorry, I didn’t mean to be so rude. You’re welcome here always, of course. I just… Um, I wasn’t expecting you to come over. Did I forget something?”

Ragatha felt her face get flushed when the jester only continued to chuckle, shaking her head lightly. “You’re ridiculous. You’d think I was here to collect rent, or something.”

Ragatha laughed stiffly, too nervous to match Pomni’s energy. “Haha, yeah, right.”

Pomni smiled knowingly. She stepped past Ragatha into her room, letting her shoulder bump Ragatha’s arm lightly and intentionally. 

“Lighten up, Ragatha. I don’t bite.”

Ragatha turned on her heel, flabbergasted that Pomni had slipped into her room so casually. It was a sight she hadn’t expected to see so soon. Although it was one she had imagined for a long time. Her cheeks reddened as indulgent thoughts crossed her mind.

“I know that, but…” She closed the door, quickly admitting defeat, turning toward the jester and wringing her hands. “I still don’t know why you’re visiting me?”

“Do I need a reason?” Pomni questioned, taking her time looking around Ragatha’s room. The ragdoll blushed when she realized she left her horse plush within view on her bed. “What if I told you I just felt like hanging out?”

“I would say…” Ragatha struggled to think; her brain turned to mush from sleep deprivation. Maybe this was a desperate dream? No, surely not. 

Pomni noticed her struggling, her expression turning serious as she turned to face the ragdoll. She held her hands in front of herself. “Whoa, hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t think you’d be this…” Pomni couldn’t find the right word. “If you need alone time, I understand. I can stop by another time.”

Pomni moved to sidestep Ragatha and walk to the bedroom door, but the ragdoll quickly jumped in her way with outstretched arms.

“No! Wait, I’m sorry, I’m having a hard time stringing thoughts together,” Ragatha confessed. “I actually, uh…” She trailed off, realizing what she was about to say. She willed herself to voice her thought. “I’ve missed you.”

Pomni’s eyes widened. Ragatha’s own blush deepened when she saw Pomni’s do the same. The two of them were unable to meet each other’s eyes. Ragatha was flushed with embarrassment, thoroughly ashamed. She hoped Pomni didn’t find her weird or clingy for what she said.

Recollecting herself, but still unable to look Ragatha in the eye, Pomni cleared her throat. “Actually… I missed you, too.”

Ragatha’s heart skipped a beat. She… did?

“Sorry if I was too forward,” Pomni kicked the ground. “My plans don’t ever seem to work out the way I intend.”

Ragatha furrowed her brow in confusion. “Your plan?”

Pomni tossed her head back with a groan, laughing at herself. “Yeah, I thought you would overthink things if I asked during the day to meet. So, I figured I’d give you some time either for you to approach me, or…” She huffed. “For me to come unannounced.” 

Pomni rolled her eyes, the action pointed at herself. “Obviously, in my attempt not to corner you verbally, I think I ended up cornering you physically instead.”

“A bit,” Ragatha laughed airily, “I kinda freaked out for a second there.”

“Right,” Pomni scratched her head awkwardly, squeezing her eyes shut. “I’m sorry, maybe not my greatest idea… I was at a loss on what to do, though. You haven’t been around much lately.”

“Sorry, that’s right, I…” Ragatha trailed off, her eyes avoiding the dreaded instrument she had in mind. “I’ve been busy practicing.”

“Yeah,” Pomni smiled fondly. “I hear you playing at night when I walk down the hallways.”

“What?!” Ragatha all but screeched, her hands clenching her hair. How embarrassing to have been heard! How could she have eavesdropped on her playing? She always made sure to start long after everyone retired for the evening; surely Pomni would have been asleep by then. That is, unless… “Are you having a hard time sleeping again?”

Pomni blinked in surprise at being caught. “Wow, do I have dark circles or something? How could you tell?”

“Well, I figured that would be the only reason you’d be wandering through the hallways again…”

Pomni’s cheeks reddened for reasons Ragatha didn’t understand. “Right, you’re right. I guess I…” Pomni trailed off, hesitating with her words. “I got used to us being together, so I’ve been struggling to turn my brain off when I’m alone.”

Ragatha tilted her head sympathetically. “Oh, because you don’t have the stupid sauce anymore?”

“No!” Pomni quickly corrected. “No, no, I think I’m all sauced out for a long time. I can’t sleep anymore because… I didn’t have you anymore.” Pomni hid her face in her hands. “Ugh, I’m sorry, that sounded so corny.”

Ragatha, on the other hand, felt like her heart stopped beating. Had she heard correctly? Was Pomni saying she needed her?

… Those were words Ragatha waited a long time to hear.

She found herself chewing on her bottom lip again, her hands squeezing the fabric of her skirt. “I didn’t find it corny at all. Um, thank you.”

Pomni’s face didn’t emerge from her hands. “I’m glad to hear that, but I am still recovering from cringing at myself.” Pomni sucked in a deep breath and let her hands drop. “Okay, I’m no longer going to jump off a cliff. For now.”

That managed to get a giggle out of Ragatha, who tucked her hair behind her imaginary ear. “I guess the feeling is mutual.”

Pomni smiled at her softly. Her eyes moved to drink in more of the room’s details, walking around in a small loop before finding her way to Ragatha’s bed, dropping down onto the mattress. Ragatha tried not to look at the horse plush or call any attention to it. She fought the urge to dive onto her bed and hide it before Pomni realized it was there. 

“Well, since I’m already here…” Pomni looked up innocently. “Do you think you’d be willing to play something for me?”

All fuzzy feelings Ragatha felt drained out of her with astonishing speed. “Oh.”

Pomni pushed the subject. “After all, I’ve only heard you from the hallway. It would be nice if you’d play something for me while I’m here.”

Ragatha seriously doubted that. Would it be bad if she said she would rather streak through the hallways of the circus than say yes?

Her chest burned to say no, but she couldn’t get the word out. Pomni’s hopeful expression kept her biting her tongue. The jester always complied with the ragdoll’s simple wishes… Was she really going to deny her this one?

Pomni obviously felt Ragatha’s hesitation. “It’s okay to say no. You can always play for me some other time.”

Despite her words, Ragatha could see Pomni’s expression falter slightly. Did she really want to hear Ragatha’s playing that much? The ragdoll was convinced her playing must have sounded better through the door than it would in person. But if it meant making Pomni happy, then…

She nodded. “Okay.” Her heart skipped when Pomni’s expression immediately brightened. “I’ll do it.”

… And that led her to her current position at the piano bench, fingers hovering over the keys without knowing where to start. 

Wow, her anxiety was so bad that it triggered a flashback.

As for why Pomni was sitting on the floor, it was actually the jester’s idea. “So you don’t get anxious while you play,” she explained, crossing her legs and getting comfortable. “I don’t know about you, but I always mess up when someone is watching me. This way, you can forget I’m even here.”

Ragatha doubted that would be possible. Even now, with their backs turned to each other, she was overly aware of Pomni’s presence. 

Turning her attention back to the keys, she felt her vision blur as a wave of dizziness washed over her. She felt sick to her stomach.

“Showtime nerves?” Pomni questioned. 

Shoot, Ragatha was keeping her waiting for too long. She hoped Pomni wasn’t getting impatient. “Sorry, I-” She cut herself off with a dejected laugh, “I don’t really know where to begin.”

“No need to overthink it,” Pomni responded coolly. Ragatha wished for Pomni’s comforting touch. “Just play what comes to mind.”

“Okay…” Ragatha replied hesitantly. Her hands continued to hover. Maybe she should warm up first.

She performed the C major scale, her fingers crossing over each other up the piano keys, and under each other as they moved back down.

Pomni hummed when the tune stopped, impressed. “That sounded nice. Was that a song?”

Ragatha laughed. “No, no, it’s just a scale. The most basic one,” she said dejectedly. “It’s the one my piano teacher always started our lessons with.”

“Do you know more scales? I’m assuming there are more, based on context clues.”

“Yeah, there are a ton. Or, not a ton, per se. There are twelve major scales, to be exact,” Ragatha explained. “Next is G major…” She glided across the keys with more confidence than before. “C major doesn’t have any sharps- Those are the black keys- But G major has one, which is F sharp.”

“Interesting,” Pomni commented. “So each scale is a different combination of notes?”

Ragatha nodded. “Yes, exactly! D major has two sharps, A major has three sharps, and so forth,” Ragatha continued. She felt the knot of anxiety in her chest loosen slightly. “You can play the scales on different octaves, too.”

“Octaves? What are those?”

Ragatha hummed in thought as she tried to think of how to describe it. “They’re… Basically, they’re the same notes, but they sound higher or lower. So for example,” she adjusted her position lower down the piano keys, playing C major again. It reverberated low and deep. “That’s a lower octave and this,” she moved higher up the piano keys, repeating the same notes, “Is a higher octave.”

“Oh, I get it,” Pomni nodded. “It’s like how when two people sing a duet, the guy has a lower range and the girl has a higher range.”

“Yeah!” Ragatha agreed. “That’s a good comparison.”

Ragatha found herself rambling, continuing through her cycle of scales and providing more information than necessary. It was like she suddenly had a case of verbal diarrhea. However, rather than Pomni shutting her down or telling her to focus on playing, she was full of encouragement. Ragatha appreciated how the jester always had a follow-up question when she finished a tangent. 

Pomni was truly blessed with great listening skills. Ragatha’s anxieties were slowly washed away.

Ragatha was starting to consider whether she was overthinking this recital for Pomni. Her anxieties likely stemmed from the trauma of performing for her family. Each week, after dinner, her mother would have her perform for everyone to check her progress. She would play with bated breath, knowing her mom would be watching with sharp eyes and listening with critical ears.

When her finger slipped and pressed the wrong key (curse this body), she flinched. Rather than continue the scale, her hands dropped away from the piano entirely. She gulped, waiting for a snarky comment.

No comment ever came.

“What’s up?” Pomni said from her spot on the floor. She turned to look up at Ragatha over her shoulder. She frowned at the ragdoll’s expression. “Why’d you stop?”

Ragatha snapped back to reality, realizing she had been lost in her thoughts. She wasn’t at home anymore. She was with Pomni. Pomni didn’t care if she made a mistake… She laughed as she realized the jester probably didn’t even realize that she messed up.

She chuckled and shook her head. Wow, she has an overthinking problem. “It’s nothing, my thoughts distracted me for a second there.”

Pomni’s concerned expression melted away. “Getting lost in the music, are we?”

“As if,” Ragatha giggled with a smile that hurt her cheeks. “I haven’t even played a song yet.”

Pomni was fully turned around now, folding her arms on the end of the piano bench and resting her head on top. “Can you play a song for me?”

When Ragatha hesitated, Pomni jumped back in. “Please, please, please? Only one, I promise. I won’t ask again.”

Ragatha bit the corner of her lip. Did she have an entire song to give? Would she be able to play from start to finish? She felt stress stiffen her shoulders once again. Even with all the warm-up in the world, she wasn’t confident enough to play a song yet…

She tried to dodge Pomni’s gaze, but dear lord, how could she when the jester had such cute puppy dog eyes? Her pupils were so wide that Ragatha could see them from the corner of her eye, no matter which direction she looked.

Taking a deep breath, Ragatha gave in. %^@# it. Maybe Pomni would enjoy whatever she played so long as it was being played for her. 

“Okay, I’ll do it.”

Pomni practically jumped for joy. “Yes! Thank you,” she turned around in her seat, her back to Ragatha again, “I’ll try not to make you nervous.”

Ragatha laughed lightly, shaking her head. It was a little late for that.

Her hands returned to the piano, fingers suspended over the keys. What should she play? She didn’t remember any names, but she remembered how the pieces felt. Which one would Pomni enjoy the most? Slow and romantic? Fast and fun? Deep and brooding? She bit the inside of her cheek. None of those felt right.

As if deciding for her, her fingers settled in a familiar position over a distinct set of keys. She blinked. It was the starting position for her favorite song. A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth as realization hit.

Rather than provide Pomni with context, she naturally eased into the song.

The song started slowly. Gentle, deep chords from the lower octave, and steady eighth notes from the higher octave. The emotion swelled in her chest as she reminisced. The notes felt like an old friend she hadn’t seen in ages. A bittersweet taste lingered in the air.

This was the song she played for herself. In the real world, if she saw an unattended piano, this was the tune she would play, like how others played chopsticks or hot-cross buns. This melody was her default.

Her right hand moved up higher on the keys, the melody changing ever so slightly. Her left hand continued as it was. Her foot emerged from the hem of her skirt to press the rightmost pedal at the base of the piano, methodically timing the action so the chords echoed throughout the hollow chest of the instrument.

She loved the simplicity of the song. Although it was a bit repetitive, the sense of longing increased as each measure passed. The melody left the listener yearning, as if they were reaching out desperately, forever destined to wonder whether their grasp would reach what they sought. Maybe she was being overly edgy, but those were the feelings she channeled through the piece.

A mental image of the sheet music flashed in her mind. That’s right, she remembered, there was a repeat sign at the end of the page. As the notes continued to echo, she moved back to the first position to replay the beginning. The second time around, although the same notes, the tune felt bittersweet and empty without the echo.

Ragatha mentally rolled her eyes at her past self for her dramatics. The answer to her dilemma was obvious: To play what filled her with passion.

Her mind continued to scroll through the first page of sheet music. As she reached the end, she remembered why she initially didn’t choose this song.

She couldn’t recall the second page at all. 

Her playing slowed as she desperately racked her brain, dragging out the last few measures from the first page. Hopefully Pomni thought it was intentional rather than a personal touch. She tried to kickstart muscle memory, but her hands suffered from muscle amnesia. 

She was quickly running out of measures to play. Did she dare repeat the whole thing a third time? That seemed excessive, considering how repetitive the song was to begin with. Would Pomni be disappointed that she didn’t know the whole piece? She was grateful the jester had her back to her so she could hide her expression.

If she could just remember that final page… She pushed herself to her limit. If only her synapses would send signals to each other. The outline of notes against the barline was right there, if only she could…

She was out of time. Her hands stuttered. There was nothing left she could play.

Her heart was beating too fast. Her head began to spin… 

“Ragatha, hey!”

Ragatha opened her eyes blearily. Did she do it? Did she remember the rest of the song? She visualized herself in her mind’s eye successfully reaching the end and finishing with a flourish. Pomni must be congratulating her and showering her with praise for doing a job well done…

… If that were the case, why did she have her face pressed against the piano keys?

She rose sluggishly, a hand pressed to her temple. She became aware of Pomni by her side. The jester was standing now, one hand on the ragdoll’s shoulder and the other on her back to steady her. Did she think she was going to fall over a second time? Ragatha wanted to laugh at the jester’s attentiveness, but the action made her head throb. 

“What happened?” she mumbled through the pain.

“I don’t know, you just…” Pomni rubbed Ragatha’s back anxiously. Was she comforting Ragatha, or herself? “Slumped over. I don’t think that’s how most songs end, is it?”

Ragatha squeezed her eyes shut. She pieced together what happened fairly quickly. If the floor could open up and swallow her whole, she would be grateful. Anything but admit to Pomni that she was overwhelmed by her nerves and fainted mid-song.

She continued to hide behind her hand, rubbing her temples. Her palm conveniently obstructed her view of the piano keys, which were the last things she wanted to look at right now. Most importantly, Pomni couldn’t see her expression as she plotted her plan.

How was she going to spin this story to salvage the remaining shred of dignity she possessed?

“No, it’s definitely not traditional,” she forced a laugh. “I just… Accidentally fell asleep! The song is so slow and all. Plus, I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately. No time to when I had to squeeze so much practicing into my day!”

Despite Ragatha’s attempt to brush the situation off, her laughter got caught in her throat as Pomni’s hand moved from her shoulder to the ragdoll’s cheek. Her breath hitched. Pomni’s eyes entrapped her. The jester’s expression oozed with concern. 

It made Ragatha’s stomach flip to have Pomni’s attention focused solely on her.

Ragatha bit her lip when Pomni’s thumb caressed her face, gently grazing the skin under her eye.

“You don’t have shadows, but I can tell you haven’t been sleeping,” Pomni frowned. “Why haven’t you been taking care of yourself?”

Ragatha struggled to piece together words but was too distracted by the warmth of Pomni’s palm. “I’m sorry,” was apologizing all she could do? “I just wanted to play perfectly for you.”

Pomni’s thumb continued to caress the ragdoll’s face. “You played beautifully, Ragatha.”

Ragatha’s stomach was going to become a world-class gymnastics champion with the way it was performing. Either that, or a swarm of butterflies was going to erupt from her mouth. 

Overwhelmed with emotion, Ragatha turned her head away to break the deep eye contact between them. To her regret, the action forced Pomni’s hand away. She squeezed the fabric of her dress.

“Thank you for the kind words, Pomni. I’m really grateful you enjoyed it.”

She didn’t see Pomni’s soft smile. Nor did she notice how the jester’s hand faltered, completely unaware of how it hungrily sought to touch her again. Pomni restrained herself, holding her hands at her side lest she risk scaring Ragatha away.

“Of course I did, I mean every word. You’re amazing, Ragatha.”

“Jeez,” Ragatha laughed shyly, “Now you’re laying the praise on thick-” 

Ragatha tried to roll her eyes, but stopped with a cry, her hand flying back to her head. Her brain throbbed behind her skull, a sharp pain stabbing behind her brow. She never had the world spin this much without the stupid sauce in her system. The duly tried to recall the last time she managed to sleep…

“Whoa!” Pomni held Ragatha by the shoulders. “Don’t push yourself.”

“Sorry,” Ragatha couldn’t help but apologize again, “I don’t mean to be so dramatic.”

Pomni clicked her tongue. “Stop with that, that mentality is how you got like this in the first place.” Her gaze switched to Ragatha’s bed. 

Did Pomni dare to ask? It felt like the night just started, so it would be a shame to end so soon… Looking down at how the ragdoll was rubbing her forehead, it looked like there was no avoiding going to bed one way or another.

“How about we lie down?” Pomni tried to say casually. “It looks like you need it.”

Ragatha was too disoriented to question. “Yeah, that’s probably for the best,” she grumbled. “My head is pounding.”

“I’m sorry,” Pomni apologized as she helped Ragatha stand, “You did go down pretty hard. Still, it was an interesting way to end the song.”

Ragatha couldn’t help but laugh, the imagery embarrassing but hilarious. She lightly pushed Pomni’s shoulder. “Come on, you’re still going to tease me when I’m in pain? How cruel.”

Pomni offered a half-shrug, fighting a dopey grin to keep her cool. “What, I can’t review the performance?”

“No, you can only give me nice comments. Criticism should be left at the door.”

“Right, right,” Pomni smiled, holding Ragatha’s hand as she helped lower the ragdoll to her seat on the bed. “How could I be so mean after you were gracious enough to give me such a stirring performance?”

Pomni felt a familiar satisfaction at the sight of the ragdoll’s bashfulness. She wished she could take the ragdoll’s chin between her pointer finger and thumb. She would force her to meet her eyes. What would her expression look like, she wondered? Would she fight Pomni’s grasp? Or would she comply obediently with a helpless look in her eyes?

Pomni was broken from her thoughts at the feeling of Ragatha’s hand clasping around her fingers. The ragdoll had settled into bed, the covers pulled up over her chin. She rubbed the back of Pomni’s hand with her thumb. She looked so cute with her eyes looking up at her from under the blankets. 

“Sorry that we didn’t get to hang out for very long,” Ragatha mumbled, her words muffled. “Promise not to be mad?”

Pomni knelt by her bedside, taking her hand in both of hers. “Ragatha, of course not,” she reassured with a gentle smile. “I enjoyed every second. I’m glad I got to know this part of you.”

Ragatha’s eyes sparkled. All the ragdoll could offer was a simple nod, speechless.

Pomni stood back up. Her question still burned in her chest, but she continued to hesitate. The ragdoll was obviously exhausted; she shouldn’t keep her up longer than necessary… The best thing to do was to let her go to bed…

She practically dragged her feet across the bedroom floor to delay the inevitable. Would Ragatha stop her? Or was she too afraid to ask her to stay as well? Did she want Pomni to stay?

Pomni reached the door, one hand lingering on the light switch. She turned to Ragatha, who was barely visible under her mound of bedding.

“Goodnight, Pomni.”

Pomni flicked the switch off. The room wasn’t entirely dark. There was a dim light, like that of a nightlight, coming from somewhere Pomni couldn’t see. It wasn’t unwelcome. It allowed her one final glimpse of Ragatha’s outline before the morning was to come.

Screw it. She decided to bite the bullet. If she was rejected, at least she could tell herself that she tried.

“Ragatha, do you think I could stay over tonight?”

It was too dim for Pomni to see Ragatha’s expression. She tried not to let the pregnant pause make her nervous. 

“Like… A sleepover?”

“Yeah,” Pomni turned away from the door, stepping deeper into the room. “Something like that. You know, I’ve been having trouble sleeping too, so I thought… Maybe I could fall asleep if we are together.”

When Ragatha didn’t respond, Pomni found herself spouting more nonsense to defend her thinking, wringing her hands nervously. “It’s just an idea, you can say no, of course. When we fell asleep outside together, that was probably the best sleep I had since coming here. Or, well, it could have been because of the sauce, but I like to think it was because-”

“Sure,” Ragatha finally cut off Pomni’s rambling, to the jester’s relief. “I haven’t had a sleepover since I was a kid… But it could be fun.”

Pomni was elated. “Really?”

She could see Ragatha nod in the dark.

Success! Pomni bounded across the floor toward Ragatha’s bed. “Yes! Thank you for letting me stay. I promise I don’t snore.”

Ragatha shifted under her sheets, making space for the jester. “You better not.” Pomni could hear the smile in her voice.

With permission to stay, Pomni had a daunting task ahead of her. She sat on Ragatha’s bed earlier, but now she was going to be in it. In bed with Ragatha. It definitely felt like an upgrade from their sandy beach bed. Though she couldn’t help but find this more intimidating than last time.

Approaching the other side of the bed, she lifted the sheet, immediately greeted by the ragdoll’s flowery scent. She gulped. The dimness of the room added to the dreamy effect washing over her. Coolly, she tucked herself in, pulling the covers over herself and getting comfortable.

She felt something uncomfortable pressing into her back. What was she lying on? It was soft, but not big enough to be a pillow.

Reaching underneath her, she pulled out the offending item. She tried to get a good look at it in the low light. Was it… A horse plushie?

Before she could look closer, the doll was snatched from her hands. Pomni blinked in surprise, turning to see Ragatha now holding it behind her back, finally having emerged from her shield of bedding.

“What is that?” Pomni couldn’t help but ask.

“It’s nothing!” Ragatha cried, thoroughly embarrassed. How could she have forgotten to hide the horse plushie before Pomni lay in her bed? How embarrassing! She hoped the jester wasn’t judging her.

Pomni propped herself up on her elbows, smirking. “Still sleeping with dolls?”

Ragatha wanted to bury herself.

Pomni continued to chuckle. “Hey, don’t overthink so much. I think it’s cute. Does it remind you of your horses back home?”

Ragatha shifted. Wow, was she that easy to interpret? “... Yeah.”

“What’s its name?”

Ragatha pulled the plushie out from behind her back, taking a look at its glassy eye and tattered mane. “Butterscotch.”

Pomni smiled. “Cute. You don’t have to hide it, there’s plenty of room on this bed for one more.”

Ragatha hid her face behind the plushie, her cheeks pink. “Pomni, stop teasing me already.”

“I’m not! I’m serious!” She patted the space above their pillows for her to lie the horse down. As welcome as the plushie was, she wasn’t going to let it become a lesbian-protection barrier. “Lay it here between us.”

Ragatha obliged, taking care to set it upright as if tucking it in. Pomni couldn’t help but find the action adorable. Didn’t she know all stuffed animals end up on the floor by morning one way or another?

Satisfied, Ragatha settled back down into bed, lying on her side, and turned toward Pomni. “Thank you for not judging me.”

Pomni lay down as well, mirroring Ragatha. “I would never.”

Ragatha traced shapes into the bedsheets, her eyes downturned. “Do you think you’ll go to bed soon?”

“I don’t know,” Pomni confessed. “I was so tired before, but now I don’t think I can sleep a wink.”

“Me neither.”

A comfortable silence befell them. Pomni itched to say more. She didn’t want the night to end, selfishly wanting to keep the ragdoll awake for just a bit longer. What else could they talk about? 

When she closed her eyes, the imagery of the ragdoll playing the piano flashed in her mind. What, did you think she didn’t turn over her shoulder to steal glances? No, she was enamored by the sight of Ragatha relaxed and in her element, admiring how her body swayed as she played. It was the first time Pomni had seen her so passionate. 

“Thank you again for playing for me,” Pomni said. “The song you chose sounded beautiful. I really did think you sounded amazing. ”

Ragatha averted her gaze bashfully. “I wish I could have finished the piece. Or played better. It’s hard when my hands look like this. It’s such a hindrance.”

Ragatha held her hand between the two of them, wiggling her fingers. She mourned the loss of her middle, ring, and pinky fingers. She managed to adapt to playing with her new anatomy, but that didn’t mean things would be exponentially easier if she didn’t have doll hands. 

Pomni reached out and pressed her palm to Ragatha’s, lining their fingers up. “That just makes it even more impressive. And anyway, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with your hands.”

Ragatha rolled her eyes, regretting it when her head throbbed in protest. At least her head didn’t hurt as much with the lights turned off. “Please, you don’t have to pretend. We all dislike our digital selves, don’t we?”

Pomni frowned. “You don’t like how you look?”

Ragatha scoffed. “Are you kidding? Look at me…” She pulled her hand away, holding it to her chest self-consciously. “Freaky hands, inconvenient button eye, and messy string hair. What’s not weird about that?”

“Those aren’t reasons to hate yourself,” Pomni spoke. “I think you are the luckiest person out of everyone. At least you’re humanoid.”

Ragatha clenched her hand to her chest even tighter. That’s right, she was being inconsiderate of the others. Who was she to complain? “Right…”

“I would kill to look like you,” Pomni continued. “I can’t even take off my jester hat. Any time I try, it reappears before I can see myself without it.”

Ragatha stifled a giggle. “Really? I thought maybe you didn’t have any hair underneath and you were too shy to take it off.”

Now it was Pomni’s turn to playfully push Ragatha. “Too far, man. I hope I’m not bald, how awful would that be?”

“Hey, what happened to not hating our digital bodies?” Ragatha teased. “What’s wrong with being bald?”

“Nothing, but you forget I have bangs and these side pieces,” Pomni fondled the tips of her hair. “What kind of a haircut is that?”

Ragatha couldn’t help but giggle at the imagery. Was that mean to do? Right after she complained about her appearance, now she was laughing at Pomni’s theoretical balding pattern? 

“I think you could rock the look. It’s alternative.”

Pomni only rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Point is, all of us have things about ourselves we don’t like…” Her eyes locked with Ragatha’s. “That doesn’t mean we aren’t beautiful in other ways.”

Ragatha averted her gaze, one hand rubbing her upper arm. Her pink cheeks were hidden in the dim light. “True, I see your point…” She spoke as if she had a specific person in mind. “It doesn’t stop me from wishing I were pretty, though, you know?”

Pomni couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Was Ragatha pulling her leg? It had to be a joke. If anything, she felt offended by her words.

“Are you seriously saying you don’t think you’re pretty?”

Ragatha furrowed her brow, offering a strained smile with pursed lips. She shrank in on herself. “Are you going to lie and say I am?”

Pomni wanted to smack whoever fed these lies to her.

“Ragatha,” Pomni scooted closer, placing a hand on Ragatha’s shoulder. “I need you to listen to me.”

Ragatha blinked, caught off-guard by Pomni’s behavior. “Yeah?”

“You are the prettiest person in this circus. Genuinely.”

When Ragatha opened her mouth to retort something back, Pomni’s hand moved to her cheek, effectively shocking her into silence. She cupped Ragatha’s face and used her thumb to gently rub the soft skin under her button eye. Ragatha’s other eye darted back and forth between Pomni’s, unable to focus on one. 

“Not only is your appearance beautiful,” Pomni continued, “But you are beautiful. I can’t believe you don’t see that.”

Ragatha struggled to find words. “I don’t understand what you see in me,” she choked out.

“Can I… Show you?”

Ragatha didn’t know what that meant. She searched Pomni’s face for an answer, but couldn’t interpret her expression. The jester’s gaze was heavy, with the tiniest trace of fear. What was she going to do?

Her stomach fluttered. Whatever it was, she trusted Pomni. She wanted Pomni. 

Ragatha swallowed thickly.

She nodded.

Pomni let out a shaky breath. She was given permission. She reminded herself to behave, to restrain herself. Don’t scare her away. She continued to stare deep into Ragatha’s eyes, licking her lips nervously. She would be sweet.

Pomni’s hand lingered on Ragatha’s cheek, gifting her with one final, gentle graze of her thumb before slowly trailing her fingers down the ragdoll’s neck. Pomni could feel Ragatha’s breath hitch in her throat. The jester gulped.

Now caressing Ragatha’s neck, Pomni’s eyes peeked up at Ragatha’s expression. There was a little panic, some curiosity, but most importantly, she recognized the look of desire.

“Pomni…”

The jester didn’t respond; rather, trailing her hand further down the ragdoll’s body to her shoulder, then to the side of her chest where her blanket rested. Delicately, Pomni pushed the covers down, exposing both her and Ragatha from their layer of defense. Ragatha shivered, curling in on herself slightly, but didn’t make a sound. Her eyes were timidly pointed to the side.

Pomni wished she could tell the ragdoll not to hide herself. Even in the dim light, Pomni was entranced by her outline. The twinge of fear in her eye made Pomni ache with desire. 

Coolly, Pomni settled upon Ragatha’s hip. Ragatha made a small noise of surprise, biting her lip to keep quiet. Pomni hungered to lean forward and stop her from continuing that nasty habit. She should be the only one biting those lips. 

Pomni rubbed a slow circle into Ragatha’s hip before wandering upward, slightly pulling the material of Ragatha’s skirt. She could feel a seam through the material of her dress, along the side of the ragdoll’s body. She slowed to a stop, resting her hand on the small of Ragatha’s waist. 

Pomni’s hand burned to explore. She always knew Ragatha had a small waist, but lying on her side like this, the curve of her hip was even more pronounced. It was a valley she wanted to explore. Her mouth watered. She wondered what Ragatha looked like without her dress on. 

The thought made her head spin. She was working herself up too much. 

Pomni stroked the dip of Ragatha’s waist, almost as if she were massaging oil into her skin. She felt so soft. Plush. 

The only sound between them was their breathing. Although Pomni’s heartbeat was in her ears, she hoped Ragatha couldn’t hear it. As Pomni’s strokes became longer, firmer, the jester noticed the distance between them was closing slowly.

Pomni gave Ragatha’s waist a gentle squeeze. The two of them were so close that she could feel the other’s warmth radiating off her. She breathed in Ragatha’s scent. She wanted to reach out and wrap her in a tight embrace, to bury her head in the small of her neck and bite until Ragatha cried out. The jester felt herself unravel at the thought.

Pomni felt something warm press against her chest, just above her breast. She pulled back slightly, reeling from her thoughts being broken so suddenly. She glanced down to see Ragatha’s palm against her.

Pomni looked up, realizing she was too busy admiring Ragatha’s body to check if she was okay. Had she pushed her too far?

Ragatha’s whole face was flushed. Her eyes were watery, and she practically panted, her mouth open slightly to catch her breath. Pomni tried not to get distracted by the way her chest rose and fell.

“Too much?”

Ragatha whined, unable to nod or shake her head. “Not necessarily…”

The ragdoll’s teeth found her bottom lip yet again. This time, Pomni had to intervene.

Her hand snaked back up to Ragatha’s face, holding her chin as she had fantasized before. She pulled at the ragdoll’s lip gently. It was red and blistered from her tearing at it. She pressed it, lightly dragging her thumb down until the ragdoll’s bottom teeth peeked out. 

“No biting.”

Ragatha let go with an exhale. Her gaze flickered back and forth from Pomni’s eyes to her lips, hopelessly enamored with both. The hand against Pomni’s chest switched to her own, squeezed into a fist as she begged her heart not to explode.

Her fist was the only thing separating her body from Pomni. She felt the softness of Pomni’s breast pressed to her hand. She struggled to resist biting her lip, to obey the jester’s order.

Their lips were only centimeters away. The ragdoll braced herself, squeezing her eyes shut. Any second now…

“Can I kiss you?”

Ragatha’s eyes snapped open, locking with Pomni’s, who were so close to her own. Her self-control snapped.

“Yes,” Ragatha breathed.

Ragatha rushed forward, pressing her lips square against Pomni’s, praying they didn’t taste like iron.

Pomni was taken aback at first, reflexively tensing and moving away. But when the warmth of Ragatha’s lips registered, she melted, pressing into the kiss with a hum. Her hand snuck its way into the ragdoll’s hair, trapping her in her grasp

Ragatha’s lips were chapped and raw, rough against Pomni’s. Pomni separated her lips slightly, taking Ragatha’s bottom lip between her own. She resisted the desire to grip Ragatha’s hair tightly and pull her in deeper. 

Ragatha’s fist slipped out from between them, their chests pressed together fully. Her arm found its way around Pomni’s shoulders, squeezing her tight.

Pomni sucked Ragatha’s bottom lip gently, nibbling the raw skin softly. She felt the ragdoll squirm in her grasp, but she didn’t push away, still leaning into the jester. After a particularly harsh bite, she opened her mouth in a gasp. Pomni took that as an opportunity to force her back to her mouth, turning her head to deepen the kiss and tasting her lips greedily.

Would it be too soon if she were to use tongue? She didn’t want to rush, but she had waited so long for this. How many nights of fantasizing? If she stopped, she was afraid she would wake up and realize it was all a dream.

Dizzy from her thoughts, Pomni almost missed the feeling of something hot and wet on her cheek. Not thinking about what it was, she pulled away to gasp for air. She licked her lips, tasting something salty.

… Salty?

Landing back in reality, she turned her attention to the woman lying before her, also struggling to regain her composure. She looked wrecked. However, with a half-lidded look of ecstasy in her eyes, tears trickled down her cheek. 

Pomni jolted upright. Did she go too far? Her hands hovered over the ragdoll, wanting to help in some way, but too ashamed of her actions to touch her again and risk hurting her even more.

Did she bite too hard? Did she change her mind about wanting to kiss? 

“I’m so sorry!” Pomni blurted, shame quickly setting deep in her stomach to replace her lust. “I went too far, I should have never… Are you hurt?”

Ragatha responded with a frown. When enveloped in Pomni’s embrace, she found herself lost in euphoria. Her whole body tingled with longing. Why had the jester pulled away? The room felt so cold without her touch.

She pushed herself up to sit, her limbs weak. She moved to wipe her lips. Did they start bleeding? Is that why Pomni was so apologetic? She felt something warm, but it wasn’t from her mouth. She continued to search her face, feeling the wet on her cheek, and realizing… 

Why on earth was she crying?!

“If you want me to leave, I understand. We can forget that anything happened. I’m so sorry for ruining the sleepover.”

Ragatha broke from her thoughts, realizing the jester was moving to leave with her head turned away in shame. A pang of panic jolted through Ragatha’s heart. No, don’t leave!

“Wait!” Ragatha yelled, quickly grabbing the jester’s wrist before she could get off the bed. “Stop! I’m not crying because you kissed me!”

Pomni turned toward her, confused. Her eyes were glassy. Was she about to cry, too? No, no, Ragatha wasn’t rejecting her. In fact, it was quite the opposite.

“Then, why…?”

“I don’t know,” Ragatha confessed, praying the jester believed her. “I really don’t. I basically never cry, so I have no idea why my body chose now of all times.” She quickly wiped the tears from her cheek. “I’m fine, I promise.”

Pomni was wary, but wasn’t turned to leave anymore. Yes, Ragatha thought, please stay with me. 

“I don’t understand… Did you not like…?”

“I loved it.” Ragatha’s stomach fluttered as she remembered Pomni’s warm touch. Even before the kiss, it felt as if she were being ravished, fully exposed under Pomni’s heavy gaze. “It felt… So good.”

Pomni’s natural blush deepened. “You don’t regret it? For sure?”

Ragatha couldn’t take it anymore. Pomni looked so sad, so dejected. How could she do this to her? Stupid tears. The jester looked like she had been kicked to the curb. 

Ragatha rushed forward, wrapping her arms around the jester in a tight hug, accidentally burying her in her bosom. 

“I have none.” 

After a beat, Pomni’s arms found their way around Ragatha. Although she struggled to breathe, the jester wasn’t complaining. She wanted to stay like this forever.

… At least, until she couldn’t take the suffocation anymore. Hey, even though they didn’t need to breathe, that didn’t mean the instinct was easy to forget.

Pomni broke away with a gasp, trying not to cough. Was this really real? 

As if confirming that this was, in fact, reality, Ragatha leaned forward to press a soft, chaste kiss to Pomni’s lips. 

Starstruck. Pomni searched Ragatha’s face, terrified of finding even a hint of hesitation or reluctance. Her search came up empty. Emotion welled inside her.

With a whine, Pomni’s head fell to Ragatha’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

Ragatha’s hand rubbed her back. “For what?”

“I can’t do any more. I’m already struggling to keep myself under control.”

Ragatha laughed. “You’re ridiculous.”

Pomni buried herself into Ragatha’s neck, her breath hot on her skin. Her mouth watered, her teeth aching to bite. “Trust me, I’m not lying.”

Ragatha felt her face heat up. Oh. The demonstration was enough to convince her.

“It’s okay, we don’t have to do anything else,” Ragatha comforted, squeezing her tight. “We can take our time. But just to make sure… Does this mean…?”

Pomni pulled away only to rest her head on Ragatha’s breasts, looking up with her sweet puppy dog eyes. “If you’ll let me be yours, then yes.”

Ragatha’s heart soared. She was the luckiest girl in the whole world, real and digital. 

Ragatha pressed another chaste kiss to Pomni’s soft lips, careful not to rile the jester up even more. Although the jester wasn’t helping herself by pressing her face to ragdoll’s chest and wrapping her arms around her waist…

“I’m so happy,” Ragatha beamed, feeling her eye water once again. “You’ve made me so happy.”

Pomni smiled adoringly. “Me, too.”

Ragatha’s hand petted Pomni’s jester hat, the latter leaning into her touch. She found herself admiring how perfectly their bodies molded together. Another kiss, this time pressed to Pomni’s forehead.

“I don’t know how I’m going to sleep any time soon.”

“Me neither,” Pomni mumbled sleepily, not sounding convincing. “But when we do, I hope you’re with me in my dreams.”

“Sooo corny,” Ragatha giggled, her wobbly smile giving her away. She was wishing the same thing.

Eventually, the night came to an end. They lay nestled in their bed, their bodies intertwined to where you couldn’t tell limb from limb. Pomni’s head was tucked under Ragatha’s chin, snuggled close to her neck. The ragdoll’s hand lay on Pomni’s hat, holding her close, having fallen asleep stroking her head. 

The circus fell silent. No longer did the sounds of drunken laughter echo. Nobody crept through the halls. No music played. It was still. Everything was as it should be. 

The only sound they heard was their heartbeats (and maybe some soft snoring from Pomni).

Two stars danced in their dream.