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    Shane Hollander doesn't understand why everyone thinks he and Ilya Rozanov hate each other. He's pretty sure that in all the years they've been playing in the league together, they've never even talked before.

    Well, he's kind of sure. He thinks he would remember. He would remember something about Rozanov, if it was really important.

    Right?

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    06 Sep 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    The man doesn’t look phased. On the contrary, he’s acting like it’s completely normal to talk about sex with a stranger.

    “Well, my wife wants me to…” David hesitates, but what damage could it do? Tomorrow, he’ll be on a plane back to Ottawa and he’ll never see this man again. “She wants me to try being more dominant.”

    The Russian grins. “Oh, you have met the right person.”

    Or: In 2014, David and Ilya become friends and start swapping sex advice. It's too bad they don't recognize each other.

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    05 Sep 2026

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    “If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?” Quickly, Ilya adds, “Don’t say that you want to know if you win the Cup.”

    “Why not? What if that’s my answer?”

    “Is so boring, Hollander. Of course you want to know this. But Ilya Rozanov and Boston Raiders exist in this world, so crystal ball says, so sad, but no.”

    “Fuck off. What are these questions even for, anyway? Are you interviewing me for something? Wouldn’t you have to, like, tell me if you were?”

    Ilya is quick to assure Hollander before his paranoia takes him right out of this phone call. “It is not for interview, Hollander. I am just wondering. Answer the question.”

    “And I can’t say that I would want to know whether I win the Cup.”

    “Yes, other than that.”

    “I guess… I guess I would want to know, like, am I happy?”

     


     
    Ilya reads an article about 36 questions that are supposed to make people fall in love. He decides to ask Shane.

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    04 Sep 2026

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    The hockey world is shocked when #1 draft pick Ilya Rozanov backs out of the NHL last second and opts to play for the KHL in his home country. Nobody knows why, and he leaves North America without comment. So Shane does what any kid with a crush did in 2010.

    He emails him. 

    Or; the Hollanov epistolary email fic

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    27 Aug 2026

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    “Hello Shane. This is Ilya again, calling about your solar panel quote. Call me back when you are able, the number is—”

    Shane pokes the delete button so hard he worries about his phone screen. Every day, this fucking company calls him. Sometimes it’s Elaine or Cyrus, but Shane finds it the most irritating when it’s Ilya. Something about his attitude in his definitely-not-attractive-and-distracting Russian accent makes him sound smug, like he knows he’ll get the sale.

    He will never get the sale.

    Shane Hollander is never getting solar panels installed. Someone should probably tell Ilya, the solar panel salesman.

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    26 Aug 2026