Chapter Text
Friday, 3:14 P.M.
"archives research & statement envestigation"
Timothy Stoker renamed the group "drinks drinks drinks"
Timothy Stoker changed Sasha James ’s nickname to saucy sash
Timothy Stoker changed Martin Blackwood ’s nickname to martini kart
Timothy Stoker changed his nickname to stonked
stonked: so how bout it lads
saucy sash: oh god.
saucy sash: how about what?
stonked: sasha my love i know ur not that dumb
stonked: ur being ""deliberately obtuse""
stonked: quote unquote mr bossman @ me this morn
saucy sash: wait
saucy sash: tim
saucy sash: timothy stoker. are you the reason there was no tape in the labelmaker after i Know i replaced the roll two days ago?
saucy sash: and is that at all related to jon asking you to label the last few things you’ve gone through?
saucy sash: and, pray tell, does that have anything to do with the fact i saw a label on the breakroom fridge reading "fridge"? i didn’t investigate further but i expect everything in the fridge was also labelled? unnecessarily? to be petty?
stonked: ………no comment
Sasha James changed her nickname to label tape is expensive, tim
martini kart: Oof i can feel the icy chill in the air
martini kart: Rip tim stoker eviscerated by the Judging Stare Of Sasha James™ in the year of our lord 2016
stonked: aaaaaaaaanyway
stonked: the point of awakening the chat was not to inquire into my biz the point of awakening the chat was to ask
stonked: drinks after work y/y
label tape is expensive, tim: you’re an idiot, but y
label tape is expensive, tim: ofc i’m always down for drinks
martini kart: Y!!!!
martini kart: As long as we dont do tequila shots again i embarrassed myself enough last time
stonked: booooo
label tape is expensive, tim: boooo
label tape is expensive, tim: and your karaoke last time was so good, martin!
martini kart: Thanks sasha!! But im more worried about getting uh, sappy drunk again
stonked: nooooo sappy drunk marto is best marto
stonked: its honestly adorable
stonked: and u give the literal best hugs of anyone i know
stonked: even if ur taste in men is questionable at best
martini kart: Nooo :(((
martini kart: Actually, should we ask jon to come with? I dont know, i get worried about him being lonely
label tape is expensive, tim: sure you do
stonked: sure u do
martini kart: Guys!! Not like that!!! I mean weve worked with him for months, we still dont know anything about him and i sometimes wonder if he has any friends :///
stonked: with that winning personality? probs not
stonked: i love u marto and i have nothing but empathy re ur terrible crush on our terrible boss
stonked: but friday nite drinks r sacred
stonked: a jon free zone if u will
label tape is expensive, tim: actually
stonked: sash no
stonked: whatever ur gonna say, my answer is no
martini kart: Shh tim, go on sasha?
label tape is expensive, tim: tim, you’re saying you wouldn’t like to see what jon is like drunk?
stonked: ...............shitdamn ur right
stonked: fine ill add him
label tape is expensive, tim: no!!!!!
martini kart: Wait tim dont!!!!
stonked: i thought??? u wanted me to????
label tape is expensive, tim: you’re not adding him to this shitty gc where martin may be Compromised
label tape is expensive, tim: in this house we love and protect one (1) martin k blackwood
label tape is expensive, tim: especially when he already cops so much shit from jon
stonked: oh fuck ofc
stonked: sorry marto
stonked: my b, ill make another
martini kart: Thanks guys :))))
stonked: altho b4 i do that
stonked: bets on what type of drunk jon is gonna be???
stonked: tenner says hell be gone by round 2
stonked: the lightweights lightweight
label tape is expensive, tim: i'll take you on that, i feel our boss has hidden talents in the arena of booze consumption
stonked: only time will tell
---
Timothy Stoker added Martin Blackwood , Sasha James and Jonathan Sims to the group
Timothy Stoker renamed the group "archives gang"
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Martin Blackwood to Sasha James
Martin Blackwood: Do you think tim knows he has that really pained look on his face?
Sasha James: oh bless
Sasha James: poor baby forced to be mildly professional
Martin Blackwood: It wont last more than 3 drinks i can guarantee
Sasha James: for sure
Martin Blackwood: Fiver on it?
Sasha James: no bet, we both know it won’t not happen
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Sasha James to Timothy Stoker
Sasha James: hey babe
Sasha James: martin and i appreciate the restraint xx
Timothy Stoker: thx babe
Timothy Stoker: its a massive sacrifice im glad u realise that
Timothy Stoker: but if u think that means im not doing nicknames then u would be Wrong
Sasha James: oh god
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"archives gang"
Timothy Stoker changed Sasha James ’s nickname to the competent one
Timothy Stoker changed Martin Blackwood ’s nickname to the soft one
Timothy Stoker changed his nickname to the fun one
Timothy Stoker changed Jonathan Sims ’s nickname to mr bossman
mr bossman: Tim? What is this?
the fun one: archives gc
the fun one: obv
the competent one: Let me translate
the competent one: Tim is trying to organise drinks for after work, Jon
the competent one: The rest of it is Tim being Tim
the fun one: babe would you want me any other way?
the competent one: Yes
mr bossman: Yes.
the soft one: Yes
the fun one: i came out to have a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked rn
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Timothy Stoker to Sasha James
Timothy Stoker: ohhhh i see how it is
Timothy Stoker: sasha james more like sasha JUDAS
Timothy Stoker: plus look at u with ur correct capitalisation when the boss is in the chat
Sasha James: one of us has to be profesh
Sasha James: and we both know it’s not going to be you
Timothy Stoker: i already didnt call the chat "archives gang bang" and that was the hardest thing ive done all day
Timothy Stoker: all week
Timothy Stoker: all year
Timothy Stoker: sash i dont know what more you want from me??????
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"archives gang"
mr bossman: Well. Thank you for the offer, Tim, but I don’t think it would be wise for me to go out drinking with you all.
the fun one: oooo boss what dirty secrets are u tryna hide
mr bossman: I just mean it wouldn’t be professional. And I don’t think you’d want to spend your Friday night hanging around with your boss.
mr bossman: You three have fun without me.
the competent one: Jon no! We’re all colleagues, we’d like you to be part of the group
the fun one: itll be fun i promise
the fun one: stokers honour
the fun one: plus ull break martos heart if u dont come
the fun one: hes been wanting to do smth as a group for a while
the soft one: Dont drag me into this tim!!
the soft one: But it would be really nice if you came, jon, we would like to get to know you properly :))
the fun one: see now u have to come boss
the fun one: otherwise u really will be disappointing martin and thats like kicking a puppy
mr bossman: I’m really more of a cat person, but I can see your point.
the fun one: :0
the fun one: bossman i have learnt more about u in the last 2min of u being in this chat than i have in months of working together
mr bossman: Don’t make me regret considering this.
the competent one: We’ll make Tim behave, promise!
mr bossman: Hmm
mr bossman: I’ll believe that when I see it.
mr bossman: Counteroffer. I’ll come if and only if the three of you actually stay off your phones and do some work for the rest of the afternoon.
the fun one: if thats what it takes
the fun one: fine
the competent one: Suits me
the soft one: Yeah okay! But before everyone signs off
the soft one: I was about to get a cuppa, anyone else want tea?
the competent one: Yes thanks Martin!
the fun one: shit yes pls ur a lifesaver
mr bossman: Thank you, yes.
the soft one: Ill be round in 5 :)))
---
"drinks drinks drinks"
label tape is expensive, tim: i mean, we’ll stay off that gc
label tape is expensive, tim: what he doesn’t know about this one won’t hurt him
stonked: now ur speakin my language sash
stonked: i was getting worried about u for a moment there
label tape is expensive, tim: a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do
martini kart: And it worked! Mission group drinks is a go!!
stonked: ultimate bad influence champion tim "the actual best" stoker: 1
stonked: grumpy emotionally constipated bossman jonathan "no fun" sims: 0
label tape is expensive, tim: more like "combined weight of tim’s relentless badgering, my actual tact, and martin’s legendary puppy eyes": 1
stonked: yea ok it was a team effort
stonked: but id still call that a mission success ayeeeeee
martini kart: I heard jon sigh from out here even with his door shut
martini kart: But at least hes coming!! So thatll be fun i hope :))
stonked: well seeing as this chat isnt for drinks anymore
label tape is expensive, tim: tim don’t you dare change it back to what it was
Timothy Stoker renamed the group "archives research & statement envestigation"
Timothy Stoker changed Sasha James ’s nickname to hell yea ive changed it back
Timothy Stoker changed Martin Blackwood ’s nickname to marto kart
Timothy Stoker changed his nickname to stonks
hell yea ive changed it back: i hate you and everything you stand for
Sasha James changed her nickname to not part of this
not part of this: oh
not part of this: and nice save, dumbass
not part of this: martin nearly had an aneurysm when you said jon not coming would break his heart
not part of this: good recovery but i’m gonna have to give you a warning and point you in the direction of rule 2
marto kart: Nono sasha its all good!! No need for rule 2
marto kart: I wont lie im actually kinda pleased that *that* was what made jon consider coming
marto kart: And i know it doesnt Mean anything but its a sign that he doesnt think im a complete waste of space so thats heartening at least
stonks: i rlly dont know what u see in him
stonks: but its literally impossible for anyone to think ur a waste of space marto
stonks: so im sure ur good
not part of this: ^^^^ agreed
marto kart: Aw thanks <33
marto kart: Also omg
marto kart: Hes a cat person
Sasha James changed her nickname to actually a part of this now
actually a part of this now: omg yes
actually a part of this now: for all your faults, tim timberley stoker, i do have to thank you for enabling that piece of info to slip out
actually a part of this now: do you think he has a cat?
stonks: or two cats???
marto kart: maybe more.........
actually a part of this now: imagine...........
actually a part of this now: okay but maybe we should actually get some work done in the last hour or so before drinks
stonks: ughhhh roll on 5pm
marto kart: Agreed
actually a part of this now: agreed
marto kart: Wait
marto kart: Were going drinking. With jon
marto kart: Were going drinking with jon in an hour oh god oh fuck
stonks: ????? and the problem is?
actually a part of this now: oh.
marto kart: Yeah
marto kart: Tim please i mean it absolutely no tequila this time
stonks: no promises babe >;)