Chapter Text
2:23 PM
Susie has added Kirby, Meta Knight, King Dedede, Bandan Dee, and 8 others to the chat “The Secret Hideout”.
Communism: HEY HEY HEY WHAT
Capitalism: Excuse me what?!
Rorrim: Susie, there are rules about adding new members, that you created!
Stabby McStabface: WHY.
Susie: This is temporary one moment please!!
King Dedede: SUSIE
King Dedede: WHAT IS THIS
Capitalism: This is supposed to be a villains-only chat!
King Dedede: THEN WHY WAS I NOT INVITED?!
Meta Knight: Why is there a chat SPECIFICALLY for villains?
Meta Knight: WHY HAVE YOU GIVEN THEM THIS RESOURCE, SUSIE.
Susie: Everyone be quiet I'm trying to fix the problem!
Bandan Dee: Okay but why are you named Stabby mcstabface??
Stabby McStabface: I did not choose this.
Stabby McStabface: Why don't you ask Communism.
Communism: excuse me im hilarious
Communism: why did susie add you people anyway?????
King Dedede: Our old chat crashed, so we're crashin here for now
Communism: 5/10
Meta Knight: We need to be in constant communication in case of disaster, so we need a chat at all times. This crash is a blow to our security.
Meta Knight: Disasters like the ones you would all cause, I imagine.
Kirby: who are you guys by the way?
Communism: nope
Capitalism: Absolutely not.
Rorrim: Under no circumstances.
Stabby McStabface: Nay.
Kirby: okay :(
Daroach has changed their name to “Da Rat That Makes All'a Da Rules”
Capitalism: Pardon my language, but I think the fuck not!
Capitalism has changed Da Rat That Makes All'a Da Rules name to “Daroach”
Capitalism: Don't get too comfortable here, this is temporary, remember?
Capitalism: You won't be making ANY rules.
Daroach: Rats.
Communism: 2/10
Rorrim: Hopefully you'll be out of our hair soon. I can't put up with any more of this, and it's been five minutes.
Susie: So
Susie: It turns out I won't be able to fix the problem or create a new server for about three weeks due to this error.
Susie: So you'll all have to play nice with each other for now.
Rorrim: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT
Communism: oh ill play, but it sure wont be nice
Capitalism: Seriously?!
Capitalism: It was hard enough to moderate for these guys alone!
Kirby: don't worry cap! we'll be extra nice in your chat, okay?
Communism: dcsasfasfdasd KIRBY STOP ITS TOO SWEET ILL GET A TOOTHACHE IF YOU KEEP THIS UP
Kirby: :3
Capitalism: “Cap”, d'aw. I like it.
Capitalism: Aaaaand Com just screamed so loud I think I might be deaf!
Kirby: oh no are they okay???
King Dedede: Ya'll are roommates?
Capitalism: He's fine, it was a scream of delight, I think
Capitalism: Just me and Communism live together.
Capitalism: I don't think Ror or Stabby should ever see each other face to face actually
Capitalism: They might try to kill each other.
Kirby: why???
Stabby McStabface: Honor.
Meta Knight: A fellow knight?
Stabby McStabface: Silence.
Bandan Dee: Do you guys even know who each other are??? your calling each other by your nicknames
Capitalism: First, you're*, second, we're doing this to keep our identities a secret from YOU.
King Dedede: If you're all villains, aka you've attacked Kirby, don't we already know who you are??
Capitalism: Technically yes, but if we told you then you'd just hate us.
Kirby: i wouldnt :D
Rorrim: That is because you are a fool.
Capitalism: That's because you're too innocent for your own good
Communism: thats cuz your super gullible
Bandan Dee: WOAH WOAH PLAY NICE REMEMBER
Rorrim: Just stating a fact.
Susie has silenced Rorrim for 5 minutes!
Susie: Be kind to Kirby. New rule.
Communism: THIS IS THE VILLAIN CHAT WHY WOULD WE BE KIND TO KIRBY
Susie: Remember when you weren't kind to Kirby?
Communism: good point
Communism: be kind to kirby or fuckin perish
Communism: got it
Meta Knight: Language.
King Dedede: He has a filter on his phone for foul language, it's fine
Meta Knight: ...Did you put that there?
King Dedede: No, he downloaded it himself cuz he didn't want to read swears but didn't want to control what his friends could or could not say
Capitalism: Oh my stars??
Communism: SO. MANY. CAVITIES.
-------
3:46 PM
Taranza: so what is this?? a chat for villains????
Taranza: why does this exist??? why is susie friends with these people enough to give them phones and accounts?
Susie: I met @Capitalism during my time in Another Dimension, and he was the key to my escape. I offered him a phone and a few extras to give to his friends to communicate.
Susie: Ror and Stabby I found while trying to find a replacement for a project of mine.
Capitalism: Communism was a bit of a stowaway with me for a while. Stopped at a... location of interest, took him aboard and then he sort of never left.
Capitalism: Well, he did leave briefly, but we found each other again.
Communism: i wouldntve left if you didnt kick me out!!
Capitalism: You were manipulating and lying to me the entire time we lived together!
Communism: pot kettle yada yada
Taranza: and after that you went.. back to living together????
Communism: we're the only people who can put up with each other :)
Capitalism: I just can't get him to leave again.
Taranza: okay, one more question: who are you people
Stabby McStabface: When will you all realize that we aren't going to answer that question?
Capitalism: Look, here's the deal @everyone
Capitalism: We aren't going to give you our identities, there are a lot of reasons to keep ourselves secret: If we tell you who we are and you decide it's not safe for us to be out and about, you'd hunt us down. Which I imagine none of us are interested in. On top of that, the events we all went through, on the side of both "hero" and "villain", were extremely unpleasant, and if you know who we are it might result in more unpleasant, more personal insults that none of us can deal with right now.
Taranza: that makes sense, sorry for asking
Daroach: I can respect that
Meta Knight: That seems fair.
Kirby: aww, okay. i don't want anyone to be upset! keep your secrets if you need to <3
Capitalism: ...But if you want, we can make this interesting.
King Dedede: Oh?
Capitalism: I can't speak for the others, but...
Capitalism: If you can guess who I am, I promise to assist you in anything you might need, and be your ally for as long as you ask.
Bandan Dee: ooooooooo! that sounds fun!!
Communism: ill take that bet! count me in too!!
Rorrim: I will participate. I do not think you will succeed.
Stabby McStabface: I am interested.
King Dedede: OH HELL YEAH TIME FOR GUESSING GAMES
Kirby: that sounds like so much fun!!!! i cant wait to make friends with you guys!!
Capitalism: Bold of you to assume you'll actually be able to guess any of us correctly.
Kirby: im sure it won't be that hard!
Kirby: i already know a lot about you guys anyway!!
Communism: pff, like what
Kirby: rorrim and stabby are prone to fighting and stabby is probably a knight, cap can travel through dimensions and owns some kind of spaceship that you can live on and you have teeth! youd be surprised at how many people i know dont have teeth
Rorrim: …
Capitalism: Oh.
Susie has changed Kirby's name to “Sherlock”
Susie: Let the games begin.