Chapter Text
The cool press of the ceramic toilet seat somehow helped stiles focus his thoughts. Suddenly absolutely repelled by the acidic stench of his own rancid bile he quickly scooted away from the toilet and proceeded to flush away his shame. With the daily words of abuse from earlier still fresh in his mind, Stiles retreated back into his bedroom and plummeted into bed.
"God , you can be such an idiot sometimes Stiles"
"Why do I even bother?"
"I don't believe you son"
"I take back what I said about you being better than Greenburg"
"Your such a dork"
"Can you at least try to be useful"
"There goes Stilinski again, always so desperate for attention"
"Hey Stiles, I think your getting a little soft around the middle, keep eating and you'll never be able to keep up"
That last comment from Erica hurt the most. No matter how much self disgust he harbored for himself he spent the least amount of time worrying about his weight. I mean sure he wished he was muscular and strong like Scott or Derek, but for some strange reason he prided himself on his slender frame. He strived to be like the twinks in the videos he sometimes watched. Rolling hastily out of bed and nearly wiping out on a stray tennis shoe in the process, he flicked on the lights and proceeded to examine himself for at least the third time that night in his full length mirror. With an abhorrent sigh he yanked his Marvel T-Shirt over his head and tossed it over his shoulder.
He always started with the face first. That's just how its always been for him. He examined every nook and crevice grazing his sharp cheek bones, that in his opinion, weren't nearly as sharp enough. He paid special attention to his dull brown eyes, almost like a mixture of honey and whiskey. He hated them and when he slept he dreamed they were blue. Repulsed he moved on to his collarbone that he could barely see through the layers of fat that weighted them down. Glancing downward towards his fleshy stomach he could see what Erica saw, the distasteful image he painted.
"Your such a pig sometimes Stiles" Scott shifted away from the crumbs of left over curly fries that flew his way as stiles demolished his lunch. The comment stung a little but Stiles hadn't eaten since yesterday morning and he found it harder than usual to feel too bad about his friends unwanted input.
Slightly confused by the lack of reaction from his best friend Scott bewilderedly turned away from said boy and proceeded to disgustingly fondle the love of his life, deciding to ignore the entire altercation. Jackson, hearing the tail end discussion of Stiles eating habits wasn't going to let Stiles rest until he'd gotten a reaction out of him.
"Hey Stilinski, good to see you enjoying your lunch" Sneered Jackson "Always knew you were a fat ass"
Stiles froze, a stray fry fell from his lips, passing the one on the way into his mouth. Glancing around the lunch table, Stiles waited for someone to say something in his defense. Instead he was greeted by several snorts from his table, the loudest and longest coming from Erica. Hurt and more than a little confused Stiles threw the female wolf an irritated look.
"Aw come on Stiles" Erica laughed merrily "He's got a point, you do eat a lot"
"Erica-" Scott muttered
"She's not wrong" Boyd added
"He reminds me of a bear I saw in the woods once" Malia giggled "He was as big as a house"
"Hey Stiles, I think your getting a little soft around the middle" Erica poked at Stiles side "Keep eating and you'll never be able to keep up"
Thoroughly humiliated and absolutely livid Stiles shoved away his lunch tray, hitting Allisons in the process, yanked his bag off the dirty cafeteria floor and stalked past Jackson, who smirked in delight at Stiles embarrassed face.
Shaken out of his thoughts by the slam of the front door, Stiles returned to the present. Caught off guard by the salty taste of liquid flowing down his cheeks he quickly wiped the tears away and climbed back into bed.
Stupid, Ugly, Useless, Weak, Nerd, Liar, Worthless, Nothing, Human.
And now he was fat too.
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"Stiles please! I need your help with this one" Scott pleaded
"Not a chance asshole, you've been a real sucky best friend lately" Stiles grumbled "Why don't you just ask Allison?"
"Stiles! The gift is for Allison, its our five month anniversary and I wanted to plan the most perfect date ever"
Stiles ignored the pathetic pleading of his irritating friend and retrieved his chemistry book from his locker. Attempting to sidestep his way past Scott he maintained an aloof (as aloof as Stiles could be) façade. This time he would not be swindled by the crooked jawed traitor.
"So you just assume I'm going to help you?", Stiles intoned angrily "After that stunt Erica and Jackson pulled yesterday?!"
"C'mon Stiles, you know I felt bad about what they said but I shouldn't have to defend you every time Jackson opens his mouth" Scott sighed, "Besides, it was just a joke, your the one that blew it out of proportion like that"
"How do you even know I'm not busy ?!" He snapped "You and the pack have been such dicks lately, always asking me for things and I don't even get so much as a thank you"
"You, busy?" Scott laughed "Its a Friday night, I know you, of all people, aren't bust on a Friday night"
"Well, this conversation has officially sunk faster than the Titanic"
Spinning angrily on his heels, Stiles marched away convinced that whatever insults and verbal abuse he would face in Chemistry couldn't rival the crap he had taken from the narcissistic lycan.
"By the way Scooter" Stiles sneered "Fuck you"
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The bravado Stiles had shown earlier immediately vanished before he had even made it halfway to Mr. Harris' class. Overcome with the immense feeling of guilt Stiles fought the urge to puke in the nearby bathroom. How could I have done that, hes my best friend and I totally treated him like crap. Suddenly he felt a hand clamp down on his shoulder. Stiles tensed fearing the hand to be Scott, telling him that they shouldn't be friends anymore. Turning slowly, Stiles sighed in relief, it was just Isaac.
"Are you o.k?" Isaac whispered "I heard what happened at lunch yesterday"
"I'm fine Isaac" Stiles sighed shakily "It could have been worse, Scott was right, I just overreacted"
"No its not fine, the Pack really hurt your feelings"
"It was my fault" Stiles insisted "I was being gross, they had every right to say what they did"
"Stiles-"
"Ill see you later Isaac" Quickly and not at all gracefully Stiles hurried on his way leaving a confused Isaac behind. Sadly before he could even make into the Chemistry lab the bell rang and the door was shut abruptly in his face. Steeling himself up for yet another negative confrontation of the day, and it wasn't even noon, Stiles hesitantly knocked on the classroom door.
With a whoosh of air the door was swung open by Mr. Harris, who nearly knocked Stiles head off because of his carelessness. "Ah Mr. Stilinski, glad you finally decide to join us" Harris smiled maliciously, stepping aside so said boy could enter through the doorway. " For a second I was worried we wouldn't be graced with your...illustrious personality today" Amused by their teachers humor the class snickered, Jackson of course being the loudest. Maintaining a dispassionate demeanor Stiles weaved his way between to tables making his way to his seat. Wincing slightly as he sat down awkwardly, much like anything he always did, Stiles noticed the unfamiliar face sitting in the place of his old lab partner.
She's pretty, Stiles thought, prettier than Lydia. The girl in question as if hearing Stiles thoughts glanced his way, giving him a full view of her pretty brown face and large obsidian eyes. If Stiles was actually attracted to girls she would have been the one for him, but since he's a complete and total Homosexual he would settle for being her friend instead. However, her interest in him wore off before he could even say hello, and she suddenly shifted her head back towards the front of the room. A bit miffed and a little bit offended, but not that surprised because if he was her he wouldn't want to talk to him either, Stiles huffed and turned back towards Mr. Harris as he continued to lecture about science that nobody cared about. Slightly distracted by the tickle of the girls wild mane of black curly hair, the longest he had ever seen really, Stiles let his mind drift away, to a place where he could ride the stars and his eyes shined like sapphires.
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The loud drone of his cellphone woke Stiles out of his stupor in the middle of art class. Slightly frazzled, Stiles hesitantly lifted his phone off the table, hoping that it wasn't Scott texting him to tell him what a jerk he was earlier, because that was not a conversation that Stiles was looking foreword to. Breathing out a sigh of relief he saw that it was not Scott but in fact it was Beacon Hills resident Alpha, Derek. Stiles cheeks heated up slightly, as his heart rate picked up at the prospect of Derek actually wanting to talk to him voluntarily. Be smooth Stilinski, he exhaled slowly,don't be a freak and get too excited. Stiles quickly unlocked his phone, dimly aware of the fact that his lab partner with the mane of curly hair was painting in the corner of the room. How has he never noticed her before? He hoped that she wasn't some sort of ghost or malevolent spirit haunting the school. Disregarding the idea Stiles proceeded to tend to the message from his crush.
Message From: Sourwolf/Big Bad
Pack meeting. Tonight at 9. Be there.
Affronted, and more than a little hurt Stiles responded back hoping that his words wouldn't upset the Alpha to greatly.
Your message has been sent!
I cant. I promised my dad id be home tonight. ill be there next time I promise.
Message From: Sourwolf/Big Bad
Don't bother. We probably wont need you anyway
The text stung way more than it should have. Stiles knew that Derek was right, they probably wouldn't need him. All he did was get in the way. Not to mention the fact that Erica was right about him gaining weight, soon he wouldn't even be able go out with the Pack if he didn't get into shape. He desperately wanted to go to the pack meeting. Research and problem solving was all that he was good for in the first place, it was bad enough that Lydia did a better job at it than him, if he missed too many Pack meetings he'd be out of the loop entirely and his presence would be even more useless than it was already.
Suddenly Stiles vision went hazy and his stomach seized up. The world was spinning. He must have groaned or something because he saw several faces look his way including Chemistry girl. He tried to stand and make his way to the bathroom, but his knees buckled and amidst the shouts of surprise and concern from his Teacher and his classmates Stiles world tilted and went black.
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Stiles never cut himself. No matter how much wanted to or knew that he deserved it. Cuts made scars. And scars made you ugly. But Stiles deserved to hurt, so he always settled for taking a scalding hot bath instead. He liked how it felt. Even as the prickly pain of the heat piercing his skin presented itself, he liked to imagine that he was drowning even though his head was still above the water. And when he came up for air, like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon, he was clean and whole and Pure. Blacking out in Ms. Clark's class felt a lot like one of those times he'd spent underwater.
He stirred awake, groaning in irritation as his shoulder was shaken gently urging him further along into consciousness. Stiles blinked blearily as brown skin came into focus followed by the scent of peanuts. Confused, he realized that it was the girl from earlier, brandishing a plastic bag with a handful of raisins and pistachios inside. Seeing the food Stiles was suddenly reminded of the fact that he hadn't eaten since his altercation with Jackson a day ago. Stretching his stiff arms Stiles sat up, still feeling a bit woozy, glancing at the stark white sheets and body posters all over the small room he realized that he was in the nurses office. Suddenly the girl spoke.
"Next time make sure you carry a bag of light snacks or rice cakes with you" She whispered "You'll feel horrible and your stomach will feel heavy and ugly when you eat it but at least you wont have to worry about passing out in class anymore"
"W-Wha? How did you know that I haven't eaten?" Stiles stammered "And why are you even here? Where's the nurse?"
"I offered to take you to the nurses office. And I know you haven't eaten because its written all over your face" She intoned
And like he was seeing her for the first time Stiles noticed how thin the girl was. She was still pretty solid but Stiles figured that she was working on loosing the rest of the weight given by the conversation they were having at the moment. Hesitantly he took the bag of calories she had offered him and ate three raisins. The girl was right. After swallowing the raisins down his gullet, his once deliciously empty belly felt like a hundred stones were weighing down his stomach. Fighting the urge to throw up what he had just eaten Stiles turned towards the girl that reminded him suspiciously of a male lion.
"What's your name?" He questioned "My name is Stiles. Stiles Stilinski"
She looked slightly confused. As if she wasn't used to being asked questions or noticed often. And considering the fact that Stiles had never even noticed her before today he supposed that she wasn't used to people being that interested in her.
"Neo" She whispered "Neo Danton"
"Neo? That's a cool name"
Stiles reached for his bag near the foot of the bed and carefully deposited the bag of food in one of the front zippers. By the time he looked back up, Neo was gone.
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Authors Note: I know how this looks guys but Neo isn't a ghost. She's just really quiet and keeps to herself.